Breaking up with a sociopath is admittedly hard for both the target and the sociopath. Many people say the best way is to go cold turkey and cut off all contact. That is the quickest way. If quickest always means best in your mind, then I guess it would also be the best way. Depending on your sociopath, though, it might feel more like breaking off a thumb to free yourself from handcuffs than ripping off a band-aid.
The truth is that you and your sociopath have formed a symbiotic relationship. You may think you owe him nothing, but the relationship matters to the sociopath in ways you cannot guess or understand. You may think the sociopath respects your boundaries, but the sociopath will not be sympathetic to your assertions of your needs. The sociopath does not have or respect boundaries. The sociopath has his needs, too, and will fight to make sure that they are met. You do not want to get into an all-out fight with a sociopath when the sociopath feels like his survival is threatened. You will lose.
With a sociopath, the best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to poison the well so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being contrary, without being openly defiant. If the sociopath likes to go out, develop a preference for staying in. Stop bathing. Focus on work. Pretend you're tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don't fight back. Say "I don't know what's come over me." Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. This may seem very passive-aggressive, but after about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of his basic needs, and will see you instead for what you really are--probably a weak-willed whining sissy.
Think this is unnecessarily complicated and time-intensive? I suggest you watch Sleeping with the Enemy and let me know if you think there are better alternatives.
The truth is that you and your sociopath have formed a symbiotic relationship. You may think you owe him nothing, but the relationship matters to the sociopath in ways you cannot guess or understand. You may think the sociopath respects your boundaries, but the sociopath will not be sympathetic to your assertions of your needs. The sociopath does not have or respect boundaries. The sociopath has his needs, too, and will fight to make sure that they are met. You do not want to get into an all-out fight with a sociopath when the sociopath feels like his survival is threatened. You will lose.
With a sociopath, the best thing to do is to make the breakup seem like it was his or her choice. Like with ticks or other parasites, you want to poison the well so the sociopath willingly leaves. Become a helpless, emotionless, reactionless burden. Start being contrary, without being openly defiant. If the sociopath likes to go out, develop a preference for staying in. Stop bathing. Focus on work. Pretend you're tired, sick, depressed, say you forgot your keys, you forgot to feed the goldfish, be incompetent but make everything seem like an accident. If the sociopath gets mad, say sorry, but don't fight back. Say "I don't know what's come over me." Have long phone conversations with your mother or other people the sociopath hates. In general, let yourself go completely and be as intolerable to live with as possible without being confrontational. This may seem very passive-aggressive, but after about three months (give or take), the sociopath will be out of your life. You should be in the clear after your sociopath has been gone three to six months. By that time the sociopath will not need you to satisfy any of his basic needs, and will see you instead for what you really are--probably a weak-willed whining sissy.
Think this is unnecessarily complicated and time-intensive? I suggest you watch Sleeping with the Enemy and let me know if you think there are better alternatives.
Just be boring.
ReplyDelete-Vigilius
I was married to a woman sociopath. It took me years to figure out what she was, and how she fooled me and everyone. Only a few people know. She had isolated me in another country. I took her by surprize. I didn't let on I knew she was a monster. I went to the airport and flew away without her knowing. She would have destroyed me if I had been boring. No I had to run, and get OUT!
DeleteHow do I get him to stop taking my kids as he wants the money from me that they represent?
DeleteThis sort of thing was very popular with guys in the 90s. The idea would be to find some hot young girl with a kid. She would be desperate, but still not yet in her 30s. So you hit it and all that until you're bored, then act like you're not ready for the parental role or whatever. I saw it a million times.
ReplyDeletePassive aggression is generally gay though, imo. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)
-vigilius
but why does the fish have to suffer?
ReplyDeleteI made myself unattractive and a nuisance to him by telling the world what he was. I made websites detailing his behavior. He got a restraining order against me, lol! :) That was a good day.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad I read this. I have a friend that after 25 years of helping I've realized that he's a psychopath violent bully. This person reacts to his impotency to get what he wants with violence to people and property. I've watched him bully other people now he's trying to bully me. I always thought he would finally get his life together, now I see that's impossible. I think your strategy would suit me well. I'm going to try it. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteEh, just break up with them. Sociopaths are never really IN the relationship, so there's nothing to get over.
ReplyDeleteAre u crazy? They need the control so wouldn't take a break up well...they play evil revenge games and HAVE to win, so will hide assets and threaten you then deny it and look innocent. Take them on at your risk. The only SAD thing is they can NEVER be beaten so they do all this again and again to each sucker and u cant help that.
DeleteThis is worth a try! I noticed I was naturally letting things go; cleaning my room, going out, shaving, etc. The emotional wear and tear of being with/ taking care of my boyfriend was starting to get the best of me. I was going to get up and clean my room right now...since my BF was yelling "This place is a mess" before he left... but now that I've read this I'M NOT going to do it! When my room is messy it drives him crazy. I know what makes him tick and I can pull off the flighty act no problem. It's hard though because my sociopath BF doesn't have anyone else or somewhere else to live....but he has been making some new friends that he is clinging to......in other words new people to use up. I can only pray to become yesterdays leftovers because I am ready for a REAL relationship not this crazy drama soap opera....
ReplyDeleteHi I real ur story, I'm going through something similar, how's life now?
Delete"I made myself unattractive and a nuisance to him by telling the world what he was. I made websites detailing his behavior. He got a restraining order against me, lol! :) That was a good day."
ReplyDeleteYou didn't win that one, Helena. You came off as an hysterical woman with a broken heart. He would have loved that.
Anonymous - Your BF is not a sociopath, he's a BPD.
ReplyDeleteA sociopath would make you feel like if you didn't clean the room of your own volition, then he would leave you. He wouldn't come out and say it like that, or shout and scream. He would just convince you to do it and get you caught in the routine.
what is it about "doing things of your own volition" with sociopaths? my sociopath bf was all bent out of shape bc he didn't think i did things "i wanted" to do. but i *was* doing what i wanted. i wanted to please him and i wasn't going to waste my time on any activity that didn't produce a positive response. so he would tell me he didn't care one way or another about something he *did* care about, and then later tried to punish me for not doing that thing. i said, "oh, that's too bad...for you" approach. "i'm in it for OUR pleasure. not just yours and not just mine. i can wait until you communicate what it is you want that i am happy to provide, and i'll do that." it upset him greatly. i'm not sure why.
DeleteI'm right in the middle of leaving to leave a sociopath. This guy has had over 40 dogs he has called his pet (not including the ones he has bred and sold) but all end up getting rehoused. Couldn't stand to pat any of them with his bare hands ... just his foot. I have only just truely realised how much he manipulated me through the years. He would get me completely riled up in the car on the way to family gatherings (mine) so I looked like a raving loony when we got there, then he would suddenly behave all meek like "this is what I have to deal with all the time". Just one of many examples. I would dearly love for it all to be over, but the problem is I have three children to him! How can I get him to lose interest in me? He's so totally intent on me and so convincing in his lies (to everyone). I have found out that he cheated on me repeatedly, and at first I thought "how could I have been so stupid to believe him in his denials". But then I realised that as a sociopath he is so practiced in lying (to the point that he believes his own lies) that he seems like he is being completely truthful. As we have the kids we'll be in contact for many years, obviously I can't pretend to be pathetic and useless for the rest of my life. How else can I get him to lose interest?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately not all sociopaths respond in the same way. Some are extremely narcissistic and they don't stop following/taunting/stalking the person who left them. (Theodore Millon identified five subtypes of sociopaths, but given my experience there are far more, all of which indicated fairly twisted, manipulative and pain-causing thinking). My father continued to manipulate anyone and everyone just so he could let my mother know in some way that it was 'wrong' that she left him. He managed to get someone to say his name on her death bed. Sick. I have been stalked by someone I left over 5 years ago. She has an ego the size of Jupiter. I moved cities. Left my job. She now sends messages over the internet. I have refused to hide away completely. I find it appalling that society has so little to say about sociopaths. many of them make our lives miserable. Not all sociopaths land up physically harming people. Many get off on causing mental anguish, they are gleeful watching pain. I have the misfortune of having to deal with 3 sociopaths in the family who have single handedly destroyed the confidence, self-esteem and love in people who were once kind, caring and enjoyed life. Sociopaths don't loose interest in causing pain.
ReplyDeleteIt was extremely easy to break up with my financee...but I was attracted like a moth to a flame and she was attracted to me the same way (sorta)..We had the hottest and heaviest times imaginable. The best sex, the best feelings I have ever experienced bar none. Unfortunately the pain she caused me by letting me subtly know she had sex with another man after orchestrating a fight in order to do so, was devastating to me. Never have I felt such betrayal, more hurt more upset in my middle aged life. EVER.
ReplyDeleteI won her back, I am good. Damn Good. And I had become one with the Sociopath and got in touch with my 'Inner Sociopath"..I am truly her worst nightmare as she is mine.
So we continued to rachet up the stakes, get engaged, plan for her long distance move, the works.
But once she got here, the Ice Storm began. The relentless criticism, the sudden extremely tight 'boundaries' which she credited me with teaching her about them..lol.
The passionate sex became clearly her sense of duty rather than passion when it finally all fell to shit and and threw her out of my house. Ice Ice cold. Destroyed her. Seriously and completely.
But she got me back..as hard as I got her. She went back to the 'other man' and made sure I knew it.
I pulled out the mother of all weapons and exposed her to her friends and family.
Breaking up with them is extremely easy. It's absurdly easy...Staying away is a different story though.
What if its your mother that's the sociopath that you want to break up with? she ruins all my relationships.... I found out a girlfriend of mine,knows and talks to one of my sociopath mother's neighbor.My mothers neighbor fills my sociopath mother with all the information I've been confiding in my friend.I really want off of this psycho's board of people to manipulate. If I could put her in prison I would which is where she belonged a long time ago.
ReplyDeleteit is not that easy
DeleteI whole heartedly agree with how easy it is to break things off with a narcissist or sociopath and how insanely difficult it is to stay away after. "No contact" seems impossible and I struggle to figure out what it is that makes it so difficult. Five years off and on with this one. I actually hate that he has found a new prey who is living with him when I know I should be rejoicing that I am no longer his direct target (even though we continue our little game with each other). Is it the bitterness and hate because of what he took from me and destroyed in me that keeps me holding on or the unwillingness to accept that I mean absolutely nothing to him. I find that concept nearly impossible to grasp because it is so painful. I need to find a way to resolve whatever it is and run from him and be happy to move on. Any suggestions would be helpful.
ReplyDeleteYou are telling my story. The fucking hot bitch with the big tits has everyone fooled!!! I dont know what you're into with the IRS. That will remind you to stay away! Or get thrown in jail by your parents on Christmas and get your ass beat in your cell/ animal hole by the guards!! Damn, those titties are nice in my face!!
DeleteHow do you get rid of him when there is a child involved and he is fighting through the Court System to see his son, even though he finds contact with his son 'boring'- he's doing it to hurt the son's mother?
ReplyDeletePiss him off & tape his phone calls. Exposé him to the courts. That's what I'm doing now.
Deleteafter five months of dating someone who I had doubts with from the beginning I have just cut off cold turkey. We had broken up on four different occasions but he'd always show up with flowers and trips and apologized...then back to the same. But it was never truly the same- because I always felt something was amiss. All the stories of how he'd end up with fights with people were alarming as I have many friends and healthy relationships in my life. He wooed me with plans..fun plans, expensive fun dinners and getaways so I overlooked a few personality flaws because hey...no one's perfect right? Well..it started with the paranoia and distrust of me whenever I'd make plans with friends. He always pit others against the situation as if I was doing something wrong...never believed I loved him enough..nothing ever was good enough ever. And if I did act like a bad girlfriend by pouting lets say when I felt sick..he'd make it about him. I must be seeing some other dude ..that's why I don't wnat to come over..not that I am just simply feeling sick that day. I started imagining a future with this person. Would he ever be compassionate to me? Would he ever have compassion with our future children? Would he teach them honest, nice lessons on how to deal with the real world. My heart knew the answer was no. Yet...since my weakness was always running away from relationships I thought I'd give it a chance...but always knew..things weren't right.
ReplyDeleteWell it's been two days now of ignoring his nasty emails about what a horrible person I am for ignoring him. He ping ponged from how much he loved me to how he never felt we were in a relationship...back and forth crazy ..to normal...crazy normal...I couldn't keep up. I went cold turkey even with the intensity of how he finally realizes he loves me and let's start again. I felt myself feeling bad even with all the insane crazy accusations...he got me again..I knew I was weak so I jsut stopped responding...I am now in his mind the bad guy...the bitch..and I guess that's better than starting a life with someone who will never ever see me as being "in" this relationship.
Sadly, I feel a loss..I got addicted to the feeling of his attention when it was good..the sorry with flower routine..I got sucked in. I know this person has not emotionally been good for me and I need to stick with it. Just sucks really when the good stuff was what I was looking for. Bottom line- no one should ever make you evaluate your self-worth. I feel like a sucker for even dealing with it at all really. I'm stayin strong though and the cold turkey thing has helped...now just gotta rebuild myself and know that tomorrow brings new hope with someone else who is not a sociopath.
wow. I know this is an old post but reading this just now, it is EXACTLY the same scenario I just recently went through myself. It has made me feel exactly the same, you couldn't be saying it any better. I too feel a great loss and miss the attention he would give me (the chase), even though he clearly had me as his lady, he always felt like he was still chasing me. I'm not sure why, he would see me at work turn down all the men who would hit on me. He knew he could trust me, that is why he chose me.
DeleteDitto ditto ditto
DeleteAbsolutely ditto
DeleteI know just how you feel!!!!
DeleteYou've put my thoughts and experiances with a narcissistic psychopath the best way ever!! into words..
The cold turkey is the only way, since oneself is also vulnerable to such a person's charmes..
When they suspect that they're on the loosing end of 'the game', they pulling ou all their tricks to manipulate you.
And when they finally realize they've lost, then the battering starts even worse than before..worse than you could have ever imagened!
If they think you are giving in, they're all charm again (all of a sudden!!!!the change is within a minute!!)
But never as good as before..(bc you, yourself learned from the experiance..hah..THEY NEVER DO LEARN ANYthing!!
and so you are more alert..and finally see the thruth of a psychopath..
An empty body..nothing but a computer really..
but.. trained to DO HARM..always all ways..
I say to you all...Get out while you can..as quick as you can and as far away as you can..
Much love and strenght to all victims..
Cat
For god's sake, if a guy is a crazy, manipulative bastard, break up with him the way you would any crazy, manipulative bastard. He doesn't deserve special treatment because he got a label smacked on him. If he protests, get a restraining order. Break up in a public place. Or just go live with a relative for a while after a fight and refuse to compromise on coming back to him/her/whatever. If they've hurt you, go to the cops or a shelter. Call an emergency number. DO fight back. Not in a fist-and-hurting-him type way. This is not fight or flight, this is fight FOR flight. I mean, god, if you're a rabbit about to be eaten by a wolf, you should try to get away. Not try to look yucky. I mean, in this metaphor, there's probably an equal chance you'll get eaten, but rabbits do not have special rabbit help lines that are specifically designed to help them stay away from wolves that have taken interest. Rabbits do not have the cops, and they do not have restraining orders, and they do not have rabbits that are bigger than the wolves who, unlike the wolves, care very much about them. And damn it, I need to stop making metaphors.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the midst of breaking up with a sociopathic alcoholic. We've been "broken up" for about a month but he won't go away. I finally have forwarded all my calls on my phone to vmx and his texts are "invisible" (they go to my inbox, but I don't get alerted so I can answer them at MY pace if at all)...
ReplyDeleteWhat I've learned that is helping me is to play into his sense of entitlement. He now expects me to call him (he'll text me or whatever) and I'll tell him to call me if he wants to talk. He won't do this. He wants me to NEED to talk to him. I don't NEED to do anything with him! As a result, he has already started talking for HOURS with another woman to comfort him in his time of need, which is giving me room to slowly back away. He'll still text me from time to time to say, "let's talk," and I'll stick to my guns and say, "Sure! Call me!' But again, he doesn't and goes directly to the other woman...
I almost want to warn her, but I know I can't and if I do, it'll only cause him to continue connection with me... but it's working so far...
Hopefully it'll be over soon. Ugh.
Jw what's the verdicts
DeleteThis is sooo familar. The sociopath who was in my life, orchestrating an arguement so that he could go to his son's wedding and dance, woo, and who know's what else with his exwife!
ReplyDeleteThis is a man who loved me so much, wanted to do "everything" with me, who needed to live with me, would help me to this, that and the other (then he'd never get to it).
I really think, although Im still not sure, that I was his "target" until his exwife's lease was up last year...so he could move on to his MAIN "victim".
I started conversing with a man I knew in HS. He contacted me and put it on strong. I was in the process of divorcing after 23 years and he told me he was leaving his wife of 27 years. I flew to SD to meet him and shortly after he was living with me. I supported him and after 2 months he started to change. He didn't want me having contact with my grown children. He left his wife in SD and never made contact with her again,he had me believing she was crazy and maean and I believed him. she ended up having a nervious breakdown and he never went back to help her or move his stuff. He ended up getting half of her retirement and half the house. Once his divorce was final he moved on from he however, I thougth we were still together. He kept blaming my grown children as to why we weren't together. He was very emotionally abusive and verbally abusive. 3 weeks ago he told me I needed to talk with my children and make them like him, well i started to and my son said why are you telling us this?. I just saw him with a woman. I was so hurt and now seeing councelor. He won't return calls or emails. He's moved on to a new victim and I can't get over the pain in my heart. I've never been so hurt by someone.
ReplyDeleteThis turned out to be a very dangerous tactic for me. After becoming a burden and deciding he didn't want to be with me anymore, my ex started planning my "suicide" (ie. murder). It was more attractive to dispose of me in a manner that would not only silence me, but would actually ensure even more attention and sympathy for him, instead of being seen as a bad guy for breaking up with me.
ReplyDeletePlease, be very careful. Especially if you are married and there is money or children involved.
Wow read all of these stories, how horrible for some of u. Well i have a really bad one so listen up girls i would hate if this happened to anyone else. OK i met this guy who was good looking, charming, kind, respectful, everything i wanted in a man or so i thought. I dated this guy for about two years and i came out pregnant with his first child. After 16 years of not having a baby i was scared because the last man i had a child with abused me teribly and sexually molested his first daughter. I had two kids with that first man but now my kids where grown into 16,17 year olds. I had told this story to my now sociopath bf. I also told him of a number of other horrible relationships that had scared me. Anyway i thought i finally met the man of my dreams, he told me everything i wanted to hear and also told him that the reason i got with him was because i liked that he knew a lot about christianity, he taught me things in the bible and i thought he was just a wonderful man. Then when i got pregnant i noticed he was into porn but not to the extent that he was. To make the long story short, he bought a spycam that looked like a car remote ( the ones that you attach to your keys and use to lock the doors when you park the car) He was placing it in the bathroom and my daughters bedroom and watched them for a few months. When i found out i was going on my second baby with him and now the second baby is 1 month old. You could imagine how horrible i felt, i wanted to die. I never felt so much pain and he is now talking about how he loves God again and that God forgives and all of this God stuff. I don't respond to that because i just think its bull. I he doesn't break another persons heart this way. The worst experience of my life because i would have never expected that from him.
ReplyDeleteYou must leave him now. He will hurt your children and then you will have that burden to carry around the rest of your life...a mother who knew the truth but allowed her children to be hurt regardless. Is that the legacy you want? A mother acting in the best interest of her children is smarter and braver than she has ever been in her life. Do it. You can and you must and you will surprise yourself with how God will support you. I speak from experience.
ReplyDeleteFor all those dealing with a sociopath, don't lose hope. They are so easy to defeat it's pathetic. The first thing you have to remember when meeting someone is to DO YOUR RESEARCH! I can't stress this enough. Don't take whatever they say for truth right off the bat and make sure you do your research to make sure what they are saying is the truth. Don't trust them right off the bat. They go bananas when they can't gain your trust because that's what they feed off of.
ReplyDeleteIf a sociopath does manage to slip into your life, there's no point in trying to make him or her face up to their wrongdoings because they will rationalize the whole situation to death until they have actually brainwashed themselves into thinking their wrong was justified. DO NOT LET THEM TURN THE BLAME ON YOU! It is self-gratifying for them to hurt people because they know deep down inside, they are tainted and there's nothing they can do about. Because of this fact, their main objective is power and control.
If you want them to feel powerless, don't react to their drama. Let them run around doing all that work to cause chaos for nothing while you sit back and watch them run around like a chicken with their head cut off.
I drove a sociopath to have a nervous breakdown (yes it is possible; they are not invincible!). I didn't catch on at first, then after a while, I noticed he would tell me I'm this and I'm that and would describe in detail my "motives" and I realized he was actually describing himself. From then on, I knew exactly how he thinks and was able to use his own weapons against him.
He still tries to search for new victims only now with a sense of paranoia, since he doesn't want to get played at his own game again. How embarrassing!
One more thing... never tell him or her what type of support system you have. Never introduce them to your friends of the opposite sex as them. Your friends will be targets and also used against you when they can't break you down. Remember: they get a thrill out of witnessing your reaction.
Hi. I cannot get rid of my sociopathic ex. He claims he loves me and he is very sadistic at me as soon as i give him the chance. He tries to offend me and humiliate me at every possible moment, but when i withdraw, he starts manipulating me into conversing with me, threatens me etc.
ReplyDeleteI do mirror him back, humiliate him when possible laugh in his eyes at his threats , try not to show anything, demonstrate a lot my new boyfriend etc, however I feel bad and sorry for him, since he is very sensitive towards himself,and i am a retarded empath. few days a go he tried to seduce me and when it didnt work he choked me and tried to rape me...well im not sure whether he really tried or it was just to scare me, but in any case I now have decided to have nothing to do with him. however I am not sure how to go about it. We have the same circle of friends and if i am not to see him, i must totally switch my friends and lose my social life. Help:) how to get rid of him, yet keep my friends and go out in places where he is. Should i just completely ignore him?
if you want to get rid of him hit him where it hurts....ignore him. he's just playing his game and you're taking the bait. it's not about winning, by responding you already lost. then he will have to go find new sustenance. hopefully someone as pathetically attention mongering narcissist. how depressingly boring....huh.
ReplyDeleteAlthough there are many different behavioral patterns with sociopaths, there are just as many overlapping similarities. I was with mine for five years, we officially broke up on one occasion and unfortunately to my detriment I took him back, not that he fought hard to save the 'so called relationship'.
ReplyDeleteI felt as if both my arms and legs had been chopped off and I could barely breathe without him. Although an intelligent and confident person in the business world, emotionally, through years of abuse I was left with a feeling of helplessness on an emotional level.
I have recently made the decision to try again and I manipulated the manipulator into leaving. I have lost about five kilos in weight over the past few weeks and am finding it hard to stop obsessing over him. He has made no contact, which is a positive..... My head is aware of the misery that I have been through, however my heart is really struggling.
I read an article the other day that described what we go through when separating from a sociopath and it explained that we suffer from traumatic dependence due to constant emotional abuse. I am trying to deal with my sick addiction to this man with a wonderful therapist, knowledge and summoning every ounce of inner strength that I have.
The reality of being in a relationship with someone that you were conned and manipulated into adoring, then dealing with that reality is devastating. The tortured feelings that pulsate through your body can never be understood by another person unless it has been experienced first hand.
These people are evil and should be stopped, however raining on their parade could be very dangerous. You can't save the world, however you can save yourself............... Be strong, there has to be light at the end of the tunnel.
I have been with my sociopath boyfriend for 14 yrs we have 5 children together and he only really claims 1. I completely understand what you mean by being addicted to him. He has made me feel so horrible about myself and I know that this is my fault for letting him get to me the first time he degraded me. It is very hard not to beleive what they say about you. After reading all these stories I have come to the conclusion that I will be getting a restraining order first thing in the morning and seeking a therapist also. I have a wonderful family and I know that once he is out of mine and my childrens lives we will still be able to live. I want to thank you all for you telling your stories they have truely been helpful.
DeleteDoes anyone know a sociopath with initials B.C? This has been the worst five years of my life! They say Satan comes to " steal, kill, an destroy"! That's what they do! My faith is my salvation. It's like u know all along! It is a well thought out game to them. I'M m so grateful for these sites! I think it is what they take from you, your personality! An watching them get ahead when knowledge u gave them. The extreme love they profess, an yes, brainwashing! They mess up the way ur brain is wired! They may get ahead, they think on this planet, but God help them an their eternity! Ill let God take care of my revenge! Peace an love to all the survivors!
ReplyDeleteI too was involved with a sociopath. Today, he is serving a life sentence in prison and will never be able to hurt anyone else ever again. I never realized how dangerous this man was, living in his suburban house with his suburban life, until he killed someone and the forensic expert on the prison psych ward labeled him as such: 'a true sociopath'. Even then, I was so brainwashed I refused to believe it. It has taken me 12 years to finally see the truth of what sort of monster I was involved with. The word 'manipulation' does not do the work of the sociopath justice. This man completely broke me down emotionally. He never laid a hand on me but he didn't have to. I remember curling up on the bathroom floor in the early hours of the morning in a fetal position, crying non stop, feeling utterly helpless and lost and wondering what had happened to the 'me' I used to be. This is what the true sociopath will do to a person - make that person feel so desperate that they too feel that they are totally losing their mind. The true sociopath will take away every vestige of their target's individuality, leaving behind just a pathetic and helpless disciple. The true sociopath will trick you and con you without you EVER knowing until it's too late. Once the reality comes to light, you will be in more trouble than you ever thought possible. You are just another victim and it will take you YEARS to undo the psychological damage. You may think you are in a 'normal' relationship. You may think you're in love and that the true sociopath is in love with you but the reality is that you are being used and mentally abused while the sociopath gets his narcissistic needs met. The sociopath doesn't give a damn about you. All the gifts and flowers? They mean nothing and are just a means for the sociopath to keep you hanging on. As for breaking up with the true sociopath, be VERY VERY careful. It's no joke. These people are scorpions and they will turn on you in a heartbeat and reduce your already trampled self esteem and sense of self worth into the mud, even lower than you thought possible. By the time they are done with you, you will feel worthless, unlovable, useless. You will blame yourself for everything that went wrong with the 'relationship' but the truth is that you were taken advantage of and abused by a highly skilled shark that you never saw coming. They will leave you devastated and isolated. I could go on and on about this but I'll just sign off 'Older and wiser but damaged beyond repair'.
ReplyDeleteI am fairly new at this sociapathic stuff. Situation.. This young lady I know stoled/purchased this man away from his wife. He has been married three times already. He gave no indication to his wife that anything was wrong. He just up and left. The young lady does have a good deal of money.
DeleteAnyhow he took off with her and went on a sort of a vacation. He has been doing a daily play by play of their trip in a blog. I do talk to her. In his writing he only talks about good..positive things happening. And never mentions his still in effect marriage or his wife.
She told me that the car they were driving had broken down and cost a great deal of money to get fix. He doesn't mention that in his writings. Or how her health has decline. And other setbacks on this trip. Only fun things.
Don't get me wrong, I think she should get whatever she has coming to her.
But is this kind of writing or ignoring this side of life common???
Did you noticed this mentality?
"God will support you. I speak from experience."
ReplyDeleteJust run away and don't, under ANY circumstances, go back. RUN. Everyone can do it. Look past your sentimentality/love for the socio, and try to think about it logically. It is in your absolute best interests to get away. I am content to equally love and hate mine. I am content to miss him terribly, but do all I can to not contact him.
I have never felt more blessed than in leaving a sociopath. Jesus can help all of us get away and stay away from these wolves in sheep's clothing, as we are supposed to do:
+ The night I was deciding whether to stay with him or leave, I had a dream where God came down in a bolt of thunder, turned into a fire ball and chased me to see the truth (that I had been hiding from myself, that he was nothing e-v-i-l).
+ I saw an amazing rainbow, the surprisingly large kind, between where he was and myself as I left him.
+ I randomly encountered all this free clothing and shoes and stuff from some friends.
+ I needed to sell my car asap to get money to stay away. In a really cool coincidence, I met this pregnant couple who were in dire need of an affordable car immediately. The death of my relationship with the socio helped this new family bring life into the world.
+ I started college one month after I left the sociopath. I was able to find housing that was WAY below the going rental price. I was really trying to escape on a wing and a prayer, and this affordable housing practically fell into my lap.
+ The college I attended "accidentally" gave my free tuition for two semesters after I left the sociopath. That does not happen. It was totally God.
If any good can come from my story, all of our stories, I hope it can edify those who need to get away and/or stay away. Objectively distancing yourself - with geography, strong social support networks, success, etc. - is key. You may think that you could fall off the wagon and go back to them at any minute, but the truth of the matter is if you ask Jesus for help in getting away, he is going to help you even if you change your mind and want to go back. Trust me - I wanted to go back plenty and each time, each frustrating time, something came along that precluded me from seeing the gorgeous/genius/tryout for satan's basketball team.
Case in point: I tried to call him today, after a few years of staying away. Now his number belongs to a 12 year old girl. I asked God to cut the cord with this guy, and he did. You can try the passive aggressiveness, and "trying to beat them at their own game" stuff, but the truth is you gotta get out and go cold turkey. I promise you will get better, and not just bitter, if you take the life rope that God's already thrown out for you. PROMISE.
See Matisyahu's "Indestructible" on youtube. Even if you don't believe in God, music like that is bound to guide you through. The book the Alchemist, Dune, etc. are also helpful. In-person support networks help too, as does "theicarusproject.net"
You will find rest - keep going.
God intervened in my situation too! He gave me a vision and showed me a dog in my house, who I could neither feed or go near. My spirit was trapped in my own home and I could not be myself. As soon as the dog was gotten rid of I felt free. When I woke up I needed no-one to interpret that dream for me. I knew the dog was the sociopath. I know from past experience that God often guides me with night visions. Since having that dream, which I have taken as a serious warning as to what course my life will take if I persist in the sociopathic relationship, I have not responded to the sociopath's phone calls or his texts for a week now and I feel so much better. He use to call and text quite frequently throughout the day, trying to get a response from me. Now I've got him down to 1 text and maybe 1 phone call a day, to which he gets no response. I think the best way to deal with these types of people is to go cold turkey, pray and ask for strength to resist and keep away. I discovered that if you engage in any conversation or text with these sociopaths they have the gift to draw you right back in. I was stuck with this sociopath for approx 6 months and had no idea what I was dealing with until I read a book called "avoiding Mr Wrong". This sociopath fell in heavily under the chapter called "Mr Deceiver". It was after understanding something from the book and finding myself under verbal and emotional abuse again,that God gave me the vision.
DeleteYour stories have been very helpful and encouraging and have been a source of therapy, guidance and a strengthening tool.
"You didn't win that one, Helena. You came off as an hysterical woman with a broken heart. He would have loved that."
ReplyDeleteIt helped her, which is what matters.
I am a middle aged woman that has had a few relationships in the past, all healthy and still friendly. But last year, I met Robert and judging him by his LinkedIn profile, he seemed like a nice person. He was a volunteer for several charities and was trying to be energy efficient and 'green'. He was an advocate for science and was usually listening to a Berkley lecture by podcast. After dating a few months, I met his sister and several ex-girlfriends and they warned me about him. Nothing specific but the gist of it was that he was a creep. I had no complaints at that time but then I got to know him. They were wrong, he was not a creep. He was a Sociopath or Pyschopath. NO empathy for other humans and extremely narcissistic. Ladies, if you live in Tucson and meet an ugly poor computer consultant named Robert, RUN!
ReplyDeleteI believe my ex will stop at nothing to hurt me. I thank God every day that I'm alive.
ReplyDeleteTo all the victims posting about there problems with us sociopaths I have one thing to say: You are our prey. Deal with it and get devoured.
ReplyDeleteSeems like a sad, and pathetic existence to be a sociopath. Sociopaths parade around as if they are superior to everyone but the live fucked up lives. Their whole existence revolves around destroying people. They THINK they get people to revolve around their little fingers…. But it seems like the sociopath is the one that needs others to have any sort of existence… pitiful, pathetic, (insert appropriate terms here)
ReplyDeleteWhy should one have to jump through hoops just to break-up? If someone doesn’t want you they don’t want you… yet the “superior” sociopath must cling on to people or else his/her little world falls apart. Is that what I’m picking up from this article?
I have not had the displeasure of forming relationships with a sociopath but I'm not afraid to fight my preservation. If I feel my survival is threatened it won't be nice either... one of us will go down or we'll end taking each other out at the same time, I have no problem with that but I won't roll over a be easy prey.
Am I suppose to be tremble at the sound of the word sociopath? This world is full of predators and prey. I’m not interested in being a predator because I can actually find joy in life. But I'm not going to be anyone's prey... I don't who you think you are.
Thank you for referring to sociopaths as parasites, might as well start a clan to shoot them down.... I would assume that the person who wrote this article has had a bad encounter with a sociopath. As well as you make it seem that having a mental defect forced upon you was your choice.
ReplyDeletePlease, doeas anyone know of an abusive sociopath that has teh initials D.G.? I'm currently in this horrific relationship, all my money has been used up, schemes with him ending in failure and I'm far away from all friends and family becasue of our constant moving. I cannot just leave, I've looked at every possibility. I've already been through the devastating experience of realizing what he truly was after he attempted to kill me...i though tthat was it, but didn't let myself give up. I feel very stupid, all these stories about these character types parallel mine. I had strong intuitive feelings in the beginning of the relationship, actually 1 year before the realtionship, i wish I had listened. He was out of the country and it was an email/phone friendship until then. he put so much pressure on me and everything moved so fast. Am upset with myself. i have learned to stay extremely calm under emotional strain. very violent...anyone know a DG?? need witnesses and support.
ReplyDeleteI broke up with my Narcissistic (similar to Sociopathic) partner the quick and dirty way, when I got TIRED of accommodating his childish, endless needs, and his illusion/distorted perception/tentative grasp on reality (thinking he was truly particularly important and entitled to always be put first). Why push myself to do that for even longer than I already had to? Believe it or not, there comes a time when even neuro-typical people realize they need to put themselves first.
ReplyDeleteFunny thing is, I didn't even realize that he almost definitely had NPD until after I broke up with him... I just realized I didn't need that nonsense in my life anymore.
Anyway, I know it's not your fault that you see things this way... I just don't want some innocent victim to read this and take the advice seriously.
My son has been with a sociopath for 14 years. He married her 3 years ago and they have a daughter together. She has done terrible things to my son. Unbelievable things like lied to the police and had him arrested for spousal abuse and child abuse. She is the one that has blackened his eyes, broken his nose, hit him over the head with a bottle. She took out restraining orders against him and deprived him of his daughter for months, had his cell phone cut off, took all the money out of their joint account and opened her own account and let all the bills overdraft from my son’s account. She kicked him out of the house and did not allow him to remove his clothes or personal belongings which forced him to buy clothes at a thrift shop to go to work. She told the school he was a child and wife abuser and they now think he is the scum of the earth. She also went to his place of employment and made a scene which caused him to lose his job. She popped pills and drank vodka every night and stop sending my granddaughter to school. Was passed out all day and leaving my 5year old granddaughter to fend for herself. The house was filth dirty. She also slept with my son's friend and called my son to tell him who she was with and how great the sex was. The saddest part of this story is after all this abuse from her, he begged me to lend him money for a lawyer to file for divorce. I gave him $15,000 and he went to court. The restraining order was dropped, he won custody of his daughter, no child support, no alimony for her. Victory at last? A month later he stopped all the divorce proceedings, took her back into the house and apologized to her for all he had put her through. He told me he accepted responsibilty for all her bad behavior and he couldn't live with out her. She convinced him it was his fault she did what she did and she "forgave him" and was willing to give him another chance. He says he needs to get away from the drama and negativity so they are moving across country to start a new life together. He doesn't want me in his life anymore, he just wants to be with the "most wonderful woman he has ever met and he can't live without her".
ReplyDeleteI married a sociopath two years ago; I have known this person for 40 years, or at least I thought I did. He was my first love. Looking back now I realize that he has always been manipulative. Its funny how people don't realize, or believe what you go through with a sociopath, or why you go through it.
ReplyDeleteLike others I saw some initial signs, but ignored them, thinking these things to be simply a "mistake", not realizing, until too late, this person had no conscience. In fact, the way I found out he is a true sociopath is that I googled "a person with no conscience, or remorse" and the result came back, Sociopath. I just knew this person had no boundaries and would do anything, to anyone, without the slightest hint of guilt or sorrow. I can't cronical here what a night mare this has been, but the final straw was that he took the money to pay the bills, and come home 3 days later as if he'd gone to the store, with the expectation that I help him buy a car. Incredible. I had already signed for a vette that he wanted, which he prompltly refused to let me drive and often accused me of "not having really done anything" when I signed for the damn car he was unable to get on his own. Driving women around in it, and even allowing them to drive the vehicle. I had to file bankruptcy just to get rid of it, I was so angry. Finally, he allowed his women to call me and berate me for calling HIM.l My husband. Awful. I had had enough.
Now of course he runs to my family, friends, leaving messages all over the place. He wants to make it right. I want him to leave me alone! I have not responded, because I know that is what he wants. A bad response, to him, is better than no response, and to respond, in his mind, is a crack in my resistance. He will use that as a catalyst to try to brow beat me into returning to this very sick, twisted, relationship. The man is a deviate and I don't even miss him! Its been nearly four months; apparently the girlfriend scenerio is not giving him what he needs anymore and he is trying to return to old faithful.
My advice is to run as fast as you can and no matter what, don't look back!
Thanks for the information. I realize now that I am dealing with a sociopath. He fits the description perfectly. Now that this all makes sense to me, I feel so much better. I am not the problem, he is and he will always be...in every relationship. I feel like a weight has been lifted. Before learning about this, he played his little mind game to make me feel inferior, "not good enough" for him, or anyone else. Now I can truely say...only in his eyes. That's a great feeling. I feel sorry for all you sociopaths, what a pitifull life. To enjoy life you have to be able to feel all of the human emotions and be able to process them. That's how good people are developed. Because sociopaths feel nothing, you'll always have nothing. Nothing that matters anyway. Lots of stuff and lots of stories. I'll never fall victim to this kind of treatment again. Live, learn and then fall in love. Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteI am going through a nasty divorce with a sociopath~
ReplyDeleteWe had been together almost 5 yrs, married for 4, when we met he told me so many lies ranging from his real name, where he was born, that he was in the military and shipped to iraq, lied about his age, and about money coming in in the near future. He not only lied to me in the begining but every single day we were together, for the first 2yrs, even lied on our marriage license, when i finally met his mother and she accidently told me the truth i was shocked! i asked him for weeks if there was anything he had ever lied to me about and he swore and swore there wasnt, he finally said "obviously you already know the truth" and pretty much dropped it. it ate at me for 2 more yrs i thought about it everyday how he could possibly lie to me about his entire life and accomplishments and in the same breath tell me he loved me?! it hurt so bad. Not to mention we have 2 kids together, they were living in his lies, he lied to my family and everyone around us, and i had to go along with the lies. when i finally told people abotu it, they were shocked, and i imformed him they knew, he had no guilt or remorse what so ever.
He was abusive physically and emotional. he tried to make me feel like i was always wrong and he did everything in the world to prove he was right. He became more abusive the more i would comfront him with his lies, even assulted me numerous times infront of the kids. The final straw was when he did it infront of his dad, and the kids, assulted me that is.. i called the cops finally on him, he went to jail and i got an emergency protective order. I have the best attorney in the area, had to borrow 2,500$ from friends and fam to get him, i never realized i was married to a sociopath till i began telling my attorney the story of my life over the last 5yrs and he told me that my husband was a sociopath, i have done major research and every single trait he has.. it is so scary, i literally feel mind fucked from him, like when i was with him, i lost myself, i didnt know which was was up from down, he manipulated me and everyone around, and every fight i heard the same thing, i will change and i love you and we can get through this, we can make it work.. i fell back into the same thing every single time, i knew it was a matter of time before he would lay his hands on me again, im just glad it was infront of his dad, so i had witness to his sociopathic ways.. i am currently struggling, trying to explain to my young children what happend, and trying to find my new path in life. The best thing for me is my friends and familys support. And when the day comes in court, i will have numerous friends and family and jobs he has manipulated and conned to testify on my behalf, he will be lucky to have supervised visits in 2yrs... i feel sooo drained from all this at times, but i also feel sane now, and relieved that this rollercoaster of crazyness had come to and end. He is still whinning and crying to everyone that wil listen that he did no wrong and how much he loves me... i am in shock of the few people that believe or listen to him, it does make me realize what kind of people i want in my life and what kind i need to stay far away from...
for any of you out there that are with a sociopath, leave!!! they will never change, they will only suck you back into thier lies and manipulate you till you have no self worth, self esteem, and you wont know how to even control your own thoughts... its a scary life to live, i am just glad i got out while i did.. good luck!
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ReplyDeleteTo make a long story short..I ended my relationship with a sociopathic girlfriend about 2 months ago. I am relieved it's finished. She still owes me about $500 from an internet business I helped her get started (she turned it into selling stolen computer hardware on the internet.) $500 is not a big deal. I am happy she is out of my life... I still waste a lot of time running her through my head but I figure that will improve with time. Should I ask her for the money or just eat the $500?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: The $500.00 dollars is NOTHING compared to the emotional grief she has caused.....Think about how much it would have cost if you were married with children.....Just let go and let time and patience do their thing.....Lastly, be thankful that she is out of your life!!
ReplyDeletei am currently in the staying away phase its been nearly 3 years but unfortunatly this man lives 6 houses down from me,he has no regard to what he has done to my family.
ReplyDeletehaha, one constant thing in every sociopath is that desire of making another person Especially another person that wants the same thing squirm. sociopath men all work to destroy another sociopaths work and take women from men who probably truely deserve them if there is such a thing as deserving, by posting advice to non sociopaths on this site or by directly taking something from someone.
ReplyDeleteAnother topic is seeing people who are not sociopaths try to understand how to "defeat" a sociopath, and the real answer is there is NO way to beat us we get what we want.
and its even funnier to see people try to explain sociopaths insides, truely the only way to describe how i feel inside that hasnt been mentioned somewhere already, is that its a mixture of accomplishment and defeat at the same time I win and win and win and succeed at everything i do, i can manipulate a person to do nearly anything and still i dont feel satisfied for long by it.
And honestly We know that it destroys a persons life sometimes. and as long as were not fond of that life were happy to watch it crumble.
Yes. You, like all psychopaths/sociopaths are very typical. Mri's set up to check for psychopathy show how your brains aren't wired the same way as those who CAN feel love, empathy, gratefulness etc. You are full of greed, envy, only "feel" a grotesque form of glee and LOVE what you are. All so very, very typical. By the way, in John 8:44 Jesus says what you are and Jude 1:13 says where you'll end up. You are just what you chose to be, against God, against all. (Sociopaths/psychopaths are ALWAYS against someone or something. They are really only a reflection of a human so must have someone to reflect off of.)
DeleteSome great books to look at are "Dangerous Liaisons: How to Recognize and Escape from Psychopathic Seduction" by Claudia Moscovici, "The Psychopath Test: A Journey Through the Madness Industry" by John Ronson. Thomas Sheridan also has a book out "Puzzling People: The Labyrinth of the Psychopath". These are the latest in psychopathy info but if you just go on Amazon and start looking at this stuff, you will be shown other books.
Youtube has a video series titled "I, Psychopath" about a man diagnosed as a narcissist but is really just a typical psychopth. Dr. James Fallon is a neuroscientist with videos on Youtube who is himself a psychopath. He also touches on the genetics of it. People, it is ONLY genetic, incurable and evil. The problem is that we WANT to believe we can FIX everything. Guess what, WE CAN'T.
Psychopaths LOVE what they are and wouldn't change themselves except if they could gain more access to people to rape whether it be emotionally, physically, spiritually etc. What we need to do is allow them to be what they are but train the rest of us what they are so we can protect ourselves. Or just read 2 Tim 3:1-5 and use it as a checklist. You will see that someone who has the brain functioning of a psychopath fits each one of the descriptions written there. Pay close attention to the last line in 2 Tim 3:5, THIS is what we need to do with psychopaths.
No matter what you have lost to a sociopath, if you can get away and stay away, it will be a small price to pay in comparison to your remaining blind to their true intentions. Count your blessings and flee! A sociopath only wants to consume and destroy. Would see you dead and fell no remorse and not skip a beat.
ReplyDeleteMy pchyco husband still, after five months harrasses my family and friends. After all the cheating and lying stealing, I finally got the message. Will this dumb ass. Ever leave me alone? Trying to rebuild my life!
A sure method with one kind of socio is money:
ReplyDeletelend it and then ask for it back
or
stop lending
or
stop giving.
No matter what kind: figure out out what they want and stop offering it. At the same time, figure out what you want, and then figure out the next best thing to getting it from the socio.
thank you may have saved my sanity
Deletepoor little piece of shit sociopath, so glad you went out with yet another mid 40's man you stupid fag, just to exploit him and use their drugs. your 3 month exploitation jags are funny. it's so sad to see you suffer because you fucked up and messed up your psych meds because you were using drugs. it was a pleasure to watch you start hating everything and everyone over the last two days and i'm pretty sure your cat will be dead tonight. i hope it's a painful little hell for you and i hope instead of cut yourself like you did in high school that you just kill yourself.
ReplyDeleteHad his face bashed in by da boyz. Worked wonders and is all monsters like him and his ilk deserve.
ReplyDelete3 weeks ago today, I scammed my sociopath BF at his own game. Tall, athletic, educated, a professor, talented, charming, liked to play games, came on very strong...too good to be true? I'm a strong-minded woman who is equally charming, pretty, talented, educated, successful. We have grown kids the same age, he adores his daughter. Within a week I'd caught him in a lie & listened to his vague rambling story, told him to take a hike 'cause he was a 'player'. He insisted he wasn't, he said he was a very moral, kind, spiritual man. He treated me like a queen at first, but soon left me worn out & confused w/ his baiting & sudden rages. I'm a great communicator, but he insisted he knew best how to communicate & managed to turn everything around to being my fault (?!?) Wanting to make this work, I felt I should keep trying to find a way, that we would eventually figure it out, that he was really worth it because he challenged me like no one else had! After 9 months, I was wearying of the constant break-ups,how he twisted everything to somehow being my fault (how is it when you turn up w/ herpes, I've hurt your feelings somehow?). A lot of his history didn't add up, but maybe he just had a bad memory. In Feb. I got a look @ his email-he keeps all communications, all texts, all chats, forever, like a serial killer likes to keep souvenirs. A folder of stuff from a prior affair (w/ a former student) made me sick. He was obviously so arrogant & controlling & was able to bait her, then back off again & again. So many of the same words, phrases & methods he had been using on me, making me doubt myself. I confronted him, we broke up (he says, "by looking at that stuff you hurt yourself & us more than you hurt me" - right.). We did get back together, but by April I was even more suspicious. I then found communications w/ a # of women. I decided to propose we be completely honest w/ ea. other, achieve a level of trust & transparency that would honor the ideals he espoused. He looked freaked out, but asked for time. A few days later I asked again & he tried to manipulate the 3 hr. conversation & I let him think he had, all the while listening to him spinning one lie after another. We then went for pizza, came home & 'made love'. The next morning I sent him off w/ a great breakfast. I then messaged about 6 of his women (some are online babes) & asked them if they even knew he & I were living together & exclusive, or that he’s got a # of women all at once? When he found out, he was furious & tried to lecture me like I was a 3 year old. He asked if our talk, the dinner & the sex were all just an act &, if so, bravo! He was being sarcastic & hoping to shame me, but I answered, yes, it was an act. I was acting. That blew him away. He had been beaten at his own game. He told my daughter that I was saying bad things about him, but that he was really a good guy & that he would always be there for her. I told him to leave my daughter alone & that's the last I've heard. I wondered how someone could do all that, seemingly w/out any remorse or regret. He’d admitted once that he never really felt bad when we broke up. Then I read about sociopaths & almost all the characteristics describe my experience exactly! What puzzled me about this person - why I just couldn't figure it out. Now I have an explanation! Why waste time wondering if they are missing you & how they must hurt as much as you do - they don't. The only reason they might want you back is that the game is still interesting to them. He has plenty of others in his harem, but not me! I'm a little sad, but it's not worth it. I kept ignoring my instincts because I was afraid I had become too jaded, cynical & suspicious. NEVER ignore your instincts. Life is way too short. I'm grateful I got out after 9 months. Hopefully I learned from this. I am free.
ReplyDeleteAw!! Good for you!! I was in a very similar relation for about a year. Finally over, it's been three weeks now. Best of luck to you and me!! Cheers!
DeleteSounds super similar to my situation of three years - handsome, charming, very successful.
DeleteUnfortunately...also highly manipulative, cunning, a pathological liar, a serial cheat and highly emotionally abusive.
I have left - scarred - but left none the less.
Cheers to us.
pfft. It bothers you all so much that you have to spout your crap and sob stories over someone you're supposedly 'over'. quit whining and deal with it. if you can post your stupid stories on the net, you're dealing just fine.
ReplyDeleteAm I the only guy here that had a sociopath as a gf? I met her after coming out of a difficult relationship and she was still getting over her ex so our heads were a bit all over the place. Wrong move I guess. Yes I did cheat and yes I guess I deserved some of what I got. But I tried walking away I couldnt keep hurting her. So she hacked my facebook and email accounts plus checked my phone. Whoever I tried to move on with she contacted. she created false facebook accounts and was messaging me pretending to be other people. She would turn up at my flat at any hour of the day and night she chose. She banged on the door until I opened it. She cunningly checked my phone whilst I was in another room taking down numbers of people I was in contact with. She text me using different numbers pretending she was someone else saying that they had a new number and had text conversations with me as someone else. For 2 and a half years I had to put up with this. Whoever I tried dating she found me whilst I was out with them. She followed me to the shops once when I was with someone else and started yelling at me. She was violent, emotionally abusive and had such a rage on her. But instead of facing it i buried my head in the sand. One day she tried getting into my work to tell people all about me and the type of person I was. I had to restrain her because I couldnt let her ruin what I had spent many years building up. i need you to understand I could and would never hurt a fly. if you new what I did for a job and the type of person I am you would no why what happened next has affected and will continue to haunt me for an eternity. The next day she called the police telling them I assaulted her. They came to my work and arrested me. They read me my rights in the back of a police car. I was subjected to a horrific interview and a finger print/dna swab etc were taken and I had to except a cautioned. I didnt seek legal council because all i could think about was not getting her in trouble and because of my work felt I could no go to court to clear my name. I was then put under investigation by my council. It took a year of legal work and investigations to clear my name. Throughout the year she still contacted me but was completely oblivious to what she had put me through, my friends and family. Everyone who knows me can not believe what she put me through last year. Then I bumped into her again a few months ago and bang. All that happened last year faded away and I knew I still loved her. I was at that time with someone else and I knew I had to break things off with them as it was unfair that I was with them when I clearly still had feeling for my ex. So I did I finished things so I could try and somehow rebuild...well something. But she turned around said she had met someone else and never wanted to her from me again. Told me she couldnt get over what had happened 3 years ago when I cheated and also when (her words not mine) I assaulted her. And thats its. 3 months later not heard a word from her and she's all loved up with someone else. Im single still in bits and well thats my story. have I brought this on myself??
ReplyDeleteI've went thru four and half years of hell with my sociopath. He have a history of protection orders with women and somehow each time they got dismissed. He doesn't speaks highly of women, lies, very manipulative, cheater, and tried to make it seem it was my fault when everything went wrong in his life. We have been on again off again thru out the whole relationship. I fought him every step of the way to the point I had to be harsh with him. We fought constantly because of manipulative ways. I knew something was wrong with him when I talked to a couple of his family members and they said he need to see a therapist. Found out later he was emotionally abused by his mother and father and was put in boarding school as a teenager.I left him for good after he post over 50 little pieces of paper all over my house say make me angry. That was the last straw for me. Since I've broken up with him he has threatened me, my job, and is a very vindictive man.
ReplyDeleteIs there such a thing as Sociopathic family? Met a man on POF.Relocating to WY and he lived in MT. Spoke for 3 months before we met.Couldn't find storage in WY,he kept my things in his barn.Not initially attracted physically but his words and dreams hooked me.Got to his house and it was a dirty nightmare. His daughter,22, had a baby when she didn't know she was pregnant. 14 year old weighed in over 200 lbs. and was still"supersizing" with daddy's blessings and wearing boys clothing.He asked me for help with his spoiled girls that they didn't listen to him.He was right.I watched the dynamics and he was a beaten man. He asked for my help.I gave him support to get the older girl out of his home. she was such a pig and didn't do anything. She moved in with grandma.Both his mother and daughter tried to verbally attack me but I dealt with dysfuntional people for most of my life and even at 6" and 300 lbs,she didn't scare me.I felt I needed to protect him. His mother texted him telling him she was going to kill me.I felt bad for him and stayed because I thought he needed me.I appreciated all he did to "help" me.In the months that I was there I saw his behaviors change.He even told me that I was insecure. He kinda laughed as if he now had a game.He started to go online to dating sites and closing the window when I came to see him. He was very sensual and made me feel as if he was the best lover in the world and that he was in demand.He even told me that after I left one time that I was addicted to the sex.I was.He was really secretive. He would go outside to talk and text on the cell phone. He would talk to his 14year old under his breath when I in the other room.Yet he would always try and be generous to me knowing I was in a bind.I would always tell him I loved him and he replied "I love you too" only to find out after I left that he "didn't love me the way I loved him" He started to do weird things like promise me to do something and never do it. He would show me all these great places he wanted to take me but I knew he couldn't afford it. He very seldom took me out to dinner but he would go out with his daughter and friends. (cont)
ReplyDeleteYes, psychopathy is completely genetic. People who have the brain functioning of a psychopath are born that way. Dr. James Fallon is a neuroscientist who deals with this. I come from a family of all psychopaths except for me. Once you are allowed to KNOW what psychopathy is, it actually fills in so many of the blanks.
DeleteCheck out articles like "Mris show brain differences in psychopaths" etc. Some great books are "The Sociopath Next Door" by Martha Stout. She has a great little checklist that is always true of psychopaths. Try it out next time you meet someone (although some people cover it up better than others) 1. Woe is me/the pity play. (They always feel sorry for themselves and think everything is someone elses fault.) 2. You owe me! (They really believe this too. Even when they've stolen from you, raped you etc, they think they did you a favor.)3. We're the same. (They will reflect your values, personality etc so as to snare you and make you think you are "soulmates".) 4. Keep my secrets. (Need I say more? Psychopaths LOVE secrets, gossip, hiddent things. )
Is there such a thing as Sociopathic family? ( cont) He told me he was going to build a house for us and asked me to help him design it. He kept me connected with the sex even though he was disconnected.His daughter hated me and he never defended me until I would get upset.His daughters manipulated him so bad but I finally found out where they learned it from. He told me more than once that he wanted to kill his x-wife and himself so that his girls would inherit all her millions and his property.It terrified me that he would turn on me one day and he did. I walked away because his daughter was a problem and he was not accountable as a parent in raising her. She lied to him repeatedly. He never punished her. She lied to me. He condoned her behaviors. He had no sense of reality as to be a parent.He told me he didn't want to be a father but his x-wife, left him for another woman tricked him into fathering a love child for her and her lover. He told me that his x stole all the proceeds from their business and left him broke and their lives in a mess. He blamed her for being a sloppy housekeeper but she hadn't lived there in 5 years.It always seemed that it was always everyone around him.I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him regain his self-esteem. I didn't know it was ruining mine. He was never "in" to me but asked me to marry him. He always was looking at other women and trying to make me believe that he was faithful.He started to do whatever I hated like eating junk food or not bathing, shitting all over the toilet and not cleaning it or allowing his daughter to be rude to me.Then told me when I left he really didn't want me to go. He wouldn't communicate with me for over a week. So I went back to his house to get my things, and he told me "he knew I would be back" We talked, he said all the right things.He blamed me for everything. I felt the need to apologize for my behavior. We tried one more time.But after an angry outburst in front of his friend,he threatened to leave me 500 miles from home,I finally saw him for who he was. His friend talked him down. When we got home, he yelled at me in front of his 14 year old. She was just as indignant to me as he was. I was sucked in again.I am still trying to figure it out because I am a bright woman but was married to an addict abuser. I realize the codependence. Thought I was over it,but the behaviors of this man kept me stuck.He said the right things and used sex to keep me.His daughter came home from spending time with her mom and told me that her mom feared for me being around her dad. She didn't know what she meant.Neither did I. He was a charming, engaging person until he knew I couldn't stand the way that they lived anymore. Then he started to let me see the real man even then it was laced with goodness. I still feel bad for him. His old girlfriend tried to threaten me on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteI have been in love with a sociopath for 6 years. I am an educated and successful woman, who never thought I could get taken into a situation like this.
ReplyDeleteHe is a very handsome 59 year old, who lives in Baltimore. He hasn't made a penny since 1988. He lives off of other people's money, conning them into thinking he is always starting a new, bigger, better business. Even his friends have lost hundreds of thousands of dollars to him, even his ex wife continues to give money because his technique of manipulation is so extraordinary. I realized he was a sociopath when he went to prison 4 years ago for smuggling counterfeit money into the states and evading taxes on the money he conned from people.
He is able to manipulate friends and family by constantly keeping everyone fighting, pretends to everyone they are his best friend while talking about the other friend, so that no one ever talks and gets the real picture. Nothing is ever his fault, including his lies. He blames the person he is lying to that they made him lie so as to not hurt their feelings. He is always the victim and always says he is being persecuted.
The biggest lies came out recently after an exhaustive year long search for the truth. He has been a crack addict for 27 years and somehow hid it so well that even I was unaware. He has committed numerous violent crimes, such as burning down homes to collect insurance money, holding someone at gunpoint, who he perceived stole from him, gambled away 2 million dollars he conned from a business man in Virginia, has had herpes for 30 thirty years and I only found out 3 months ago, has slept with hundreds of women and the list goes on. It is so interesting to me that even the friends he has stolen money from continue to be his friend.
I got lucky !! I never gave him a cent, which in the end was our demise. He hated my attitude toward money. We had the best sex, most intense love I ever knew, but a voice inside always said: keep yourself safe girl, there is something wrong with this person and he will destroy you if you let him.
I cut the relationship completely 3 weeks ago when he asked me to pay the bill for his home detention monitoring (i turned him into his probation when I found out he was a crack addict) and they put him on house arrest. He of course was eternally sorry and promised never to smoke crack again and to never lie. That lasted 3 days.
I feel a relief I never felt before and I am now contacting the women I knew he slept with during some of our break ups to let them know that they need to be tested for herpes.
I don't think I will contact his ex wife as she is still under his spell and will do no good. She needs to find herself before she can take definitive action to get him out of her life.
Any advice anyone has for me will be greatly appreciated. I am committed to putting this all behind me like a bad dream. I hope to one day be free of the mental distress it has caused.
I have been in a relationship with a sociopath for almost 2 years and last night is BLEW UP big time. This relationship has been mostly on line an abusive as ever. I am married with 2 children and I am terrified. The threats he threw at me today are making me wonder wether I should get a restraining order but then I wonder if that will make it worse...what if he got someone else to harm me.
ReplyDeleteThis guy has my pics and videos, he knows where I live, he knows about my husbands job. I am in Toronto area. I met him on a website. Does anyone know of a way to get help with this situation. Is going to the cops a bad idea ?
Wow!!! That is my ex to a tee...we were together for 6 and half years.
ReplyDeleteAt first, he was very charming, funny, outgoing, adventurous "the life of the party." He wanted to get married, buy a house and have the luxury life. However. he always came up with excuses on why it was a bad time to get married or buy a house...and for some unexplainable reason we never had the money available after spending months saving. Something would always come up...some expense, yet he would convince me that he had noble intentions.
Well, after the third time of him post-poning the wedding, putting off the house idea and losing his job for the 3rd time...I was very suspicious and I was considering on leaving him. It wasn't long after that I went to speak to him at his mothers (because apparently he was suffering from depression for hitting a dog with his tractor trailer that he needed "to fix himself") we went into his car to "discuss" what was going on with his emotional state and why he wanted time apart (because 2 days before everything was fine between us). He went from "I love you, I love you"...to "I hate you, I hate you."
The more I told him that we can work it out...the more upset he got, but he would still say "I love you, you're a good person, you are a beautiful intelligent woman, but you make me feel guilty. I know I told you before that YOU are the only who can make YOU feel guilty, but you make me feel guilty."
When I agreed that the relationship was over I ask him to drive me to my friends place...he kept telling me that I never listen and that I don't obey. At that moment I said "Well, at least I saved myself the ten dollars it would of cost me to take a cab." That's when he freaked and tried pushing me out of the car going 60mph on a busy road. Of course, at that point I got out of the car and he squealed off with the car almost running over a pedestrian.
Later I discovered an entire drug lab in our garage...and other evidence hidden in the house (including small baggies, hidden bloody tissue pieces, pay stubs, unrecognizable phone numbers - not in his handwriting)...He cleaned out my bank account and took as much as he could from me...left without even saying goodbye to my daughter who is 7 years (he even had her calling him daddy) "How naive was I...lol"
So I disconnected my phone and left no evidence on where I am living now.
It has been 2 months since our relationship ended...and he already has a new victim in his clutches. He also moved 3 blocks away from me and I am concerned. I definitely will never go back and there is absolutely no contact. But he is a little too close to me for my comfort.
This person has made our life a living hell and has now moved on to another boy. At 14, our son was raped. He now has total custody of his precious daughter. After handing over the child, this person quickly moved to a sixteen year old guy and was pregnant within ten months of giving up her daughter. She has had a very violent past and has spent a lot of time in mental hospitals for anger management. She seems to escape nearly all violent actions. Other victims have tried to stop her behavior but have found no help. No one seems to want to help my son or the sixteen year old because they are boys. She continues to follow my son. We also worry about her current baby who is four months old. She seems to get a thrill out of throwing him in the air and releasing him. As he becomes rigid, she tells others not to get mad at her before she shows them how she throws him in the air. She has had a history of violence, including attacking a pregnant nurse who ended up in the hospital and destroying a Walgreen's pharmacy. She moves from one sexual partner to another and has had up to four partners in a period of time. She does not work, which gives her opportunity to keep track of my son and others.
ReplyDeleteWe have tried everything. How do we protect when law officials refuse to help?
the comments where people say JUST BREAK UP WITH THEM.... You have had your mind twisted to the point that the Sociopath has you now believing that you are the Crazy one.. You are the one causing all the problems and drama. Your sociopath may drive you to the point of wanting to die because you cannot tell Truth from Lies anymore, they have lied so much. You are desperate for even an ounce of kindness from them, you have forgiven them for every act of violence, cheating, using, abusing, emotional abandonment, harm they have done to you. They have the patience to watch your every move and emotion, you might not think they listen to you, but they hear every word so they can turn it back on you, find your weakness's and screw your head up so bad you don't know how to get rid of your sociopath because you now 'need' them to breathe, you can't survive with them even though you are barely surviving with them. The worst part is that you feel such guilt for abandoning your sociopath, because they will make you believe you created this Madness and that you are abandoning them. Save yourself! don't believe their lies, read the check list for psychopath or sociopath and I bet you can check off each and every one.
ReplyDeleteI still 'love' my sociopath, but when I realized that he was not just a narcissistic, self absorbed, cruel, emotionless, monster but he was a sociopath, I threw his ass out with all his things and told him I would put a restraining order on him if he came back.
I feel about him the same way I would an addiction. The highs were good but as time passed, they got fewer and fewer and harder to get until it was just chasing a shadow.
they can only put on their charm for so long before they just stop trying because they have already made you their victim, their 'willing' victim. You make excused for their bad behavior and feel guilty you are not being understanding enough.
This is a relationship that will scar for years to come :-(
I felt, as i was reading your post, that i was reading my own story. I spent five years defending his behavior because he was what I called "a throw-a-way child" based on his stories of his childhood and I felt sorry for him and "knew" i could help him. Now i know he was as big a trial for his parents as he has been for me. No wonder they "farmed him out" to sitters and put his ass in reform school when he was 12. Last year I looked up the term pathological caregiver and saw myself and that knowledge is what led to my finally being able to get him out of my life. Even after learning about my own part in this, he had me convinced that I was having mental problems, or my hormones were off. I went to a mental health clinic for an evaluation, spent huge sums on bio-identical hormones. Psychiatrist gave me a clean bill mentally, said "you are an enabler and what is this man still doing in your life?" Your comment about being scarred for years to come has really jarred me. it's been three months since we separated and my brain still feels as if it has been "stirred with a stick". i am afraid to even think of another go at a relationship. Facing my own sick need to "help" is, I believe, the key to forgiving myself for hanging in there so long that i would rather be dead than continue in the mess. The morning i woke up realizing that is the day I put him at the curb. I will be what I will to be, and I will do what I will to do, and I WILL SURVIVE.
ReplyDeleteIf in Chicago/Indiana and meet MB a "charming" almost 40y/o man with an offset mouth, who thinks he's a doctor, and has a cute soccer body and big dick RUN away as fast as you can. He has a sexual addiction; meets strangers in public restrooms WHILE having dinner with you at a restaurant, tells you he loves you, shops condos with you, names your future children, never stops checking his phone which he'll tell you is because he's "on-call" you need to sound an alarm, report him to authorities in the act of public indecency. He has nothing but contempt for women...his mom left him to a controlling step-mom. He's a VERY talented menace and whore.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous July 2 1:13am and 5:59am both of your posts here ring so true....i was lucky to have tremendous self-confidnece, social life, friends and environment seeing students with similar personality deficiencies to know when to say 'no' to his creepy behaviours....but i enjoy quirks so much that i just chalked his weirdness up to individuality...NOT at all knowing about sociopaths in time...that i was STILL caught by surprise by the discoveries I made almost a full year after our breakup. Then i suffered from horrible nightmares and the BEAST actually took me to court for questioning his behaviour. I just didn't understand that he's inhuman...truly...feels nothing real emotionally with anyone. ALL he has is sexual gratification. He's extremely well-read on his own condition and i believe will hurt someone physically at some point. Court sided with me but i did not tell the court all the problems thinking they would not give ME the benefit of keeping him away from me....long horrid story, but i am still so shocked that these people are in society....i just thank god i was 40 before meeting such a groteque creature. Otherwise i could see how a girl could be messed up the rest of their lives. His 'friends' abandoned him after our relationship went to court. He is the devil in a good-looking and passionate package. he needs to be destroyed as he will victimize women until he dies...and he cries and cries and cries knowing he feels nothing...nothing at all. so he's oblivious to actually feeling,but is acutely aware that he doesn't feel. a pathetic existance to be sure....all he does is make himself look good professionally, even though he keeps getting fired from any position of power...so now he's joining the board of his condo, and expanding his professional connections b/c the only 'friends' he'll ever have are his public relationships. So now he feels the need to exaggerate that outlet since his closest 'friends' are disgusted by him. When we broke up he was absolutely convinced i was seeing another man. The images these people have in their minds, the stories they construct in their minds are REAL to them. It's like a schizophrenia...they 'hear' voices. RUN so far away and try harder than you've ever tried to just get on with your life, knowing it's all in THEIR pathos. There should be a special law or social service place for situations like ours. These people are exceedingly dangerous and are clinically depressed...a very bad combination...as is the case of most criminals in prison. look up the stats. THIS man, however, has an enabling family s support. When they start dying off he'll be ten times worse.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your input 2:45 and 3:10it's good to pass on the word abut these men. When you remark that you were 40 before you met this creature, i was 68, widowed, self-sufficient, independent, youthful, active, never a dull moment gal. sandra brown has a great book out on narcissism which started shedding light on my situation a year ago and helped me recognize the pathology involved with my BEAST...that's a good word for it. the funny part is, he has this tremendous caring for animals, such that he would even move a worm off the sidewalk so it wouldn't get stepped on. he cried over killing a dog with his car. the little things that suck you in and then he hits you with the big stick of not caring a damn about you. turns out my guy was also a convicted felon, has an ex-wife whom he envisions as "dead", "non-existent", because she left him for another man. the second wife died at age 52 after being with him 25 years, he says. he hasn't seen his two sons in six years. oh, well, i could go on and on, but no need. i'm out of it. good luck to you.
ReplyDeletesara...after two years and some months i've been able to see that my bf is a Sociopath. I've been emotionally abused to the point that I felt sick wanting to throw up. This guy has tapped my computer,read my txt messages,called numbers he wrote down,called men I was intending to date during a break up telling them I was no good,lied about everything, vehicles he owned women he said he'd never slept with, one night stands he never had. ( daughter told me about all the womens cars parked at his house till morning ) Promises of taking me around the world( he has NO money, NO job )Made me feel guilty for all the women he COULD be sleeping with!? Geez, threated me to ruin my life if I talked bad about him to friends( telling them what he does and says ) The last straw was when he asked me to help him quit smoking...turns out his new love interest hates cigarettes! I've had it. Ask me to help so he can please another woman while we were together??? I also had never been showed more love and affection than when he had another girl he was excited on getting in bed. Sick,sick sick!! He once told me to "duck" from a picture being taken at a party as it was "evidence"...well, I didnt know he was working on another girl with whom we had similar friends!? I received text messages meant for other women that he had unbelievably talked his way through...convincing me I was wrong for accusing him of cheating, then making me apologize to HIM! When it ended with the other women ( one who didnt like the smoking ) he CHASED me down like a dog and did not stop until I gave into him...They wear yuo down till yuo have NOTHING..he'd said I should put $100,000.00 into his home and forclose on mine...OMG!!?? His house has just been taken by the bank.. He'd early on asked me to move in--he was not making his house payment and was on his way to forclosing!!!??? I have three kids,am a widow, and yes have money. Thank GOD for these sites....through these I confirmed what my abuser was...a Sociopath. I will recover and faster than he thinks...I have lost nothing as I gave nothing....
ReplyDeleteI made myself unattractive and a nuisance to him by telling the world what he was. I made websites detailing his behavior. He got a restraining order against me, lol! :) That was a good day.
ReplyDeletesimple like nike just do it
ReplyDeleteWow...so many similar stories, was with mine on and off and on and off for 8 yrs...the word addictive is an understatement. I won't tell my whole story, but it is SO CLOSE to what other ladies have written here. I'm glad that people are sharing their stories, it paints a very clear picture of this sociopathy or psychopathy, whichever you prefer to call it. Reading a book right now by Dr Robert Hare called "Without Conscience", it is helping me stay away from my ex for good. It has been 5 months now, even with a lot of therapy it was very difficult to finally leave him. The final straw was when he was screaming at me over the phone (ala Mel Gibson tapes) that he nearly "beat the shit out of" his 6 yr old daughter for not brushing her teeth....because I was upsetting him. How did I upset him? By asking to go out for a drink on Valentine's Day weekend, and then asking about his intentions and promises he had made earlier to spend time with me, which he was of course, backing out of once he had me back....but he had plenty of time to go play hockey twice that weekend. He lost it, because he knew I was about to walk away for the last time, and I'm glad in a way he got that bad, because I threatened to call the cops if he ever made ANY contact with me again, and I haven't heard directly from him since.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do know that he is still spying on me via the internet, fake profiles and such. He's welcome to keep doing it, I know all of his tricks now and have started to accept that this just is the way it is, eventually he will move on to his new victim, whoever the poor woman ends up being.
I was never the only one, no one will be.
It wasn't until I truly believed that ANY contact with him was an absolute threat to my safety and well-being that I was able to stay away for good. The mere thought of seeing or talking to him now gives me chills and makes me feel ill. I am still in recovery mode, sometimes I feel like I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But I will remain "on guard" as long as it takes for him to be truly out of my life.
I agree that you have to FIGHT to get away from people like this, and it makes no difference what they think of you. Even the nicest words from them are a THREAT to your sanity and well being.
On of the best things about Dr Hare's book so far is that he makes it clear just how convincing these people are, even he was suckered in by them in the past. I think it's very important not to blame yourself for "falling for it", so many of us have, educated people with lots going for us...that's why they seek us out!
Best of luck to everyone trying to break free and get your life back.
Good grief...start a feeding frenzy amongst those hard done by and watch the snowball effect!.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, not all sociopaths are the same, read the material folks.
Not all will behave in the way you read about.
Some of you talk of getting even, and doing things to pay them back for the hurt. Get over it!..... because if you ARE serious about breaking up...then dont be so petty as to put your thoughts of revenge/payback before your safety you stupid people.
So many of you see what sociopaths do as deliberately targetted PERSONALLY. And then think that youre going to "fix us good"..or "sort us out". Dont be so dam foolish.
Get over yourself...its what makes us up..its our way of looking at life..its WHAT WE ARE..we DONT get a choice in it.
NOT all of us are brutalists, rapists or serial killers.
Some of us love as much as we are capable of, and have loyalties, friends, companions...theyre just different than the way YOU people view them.
We CAN do nice things without wanting a payback.....it just doesnt affect our feelgood glands like others thats all.
Stop writing this and that about what you THINK you know. get informed, and keep it to YOURSELF!.
God forbid you have a sociopath in your life who is actually trained/capable of injury or physical retribution because if I were reading what an ex of mine wrote on this site about me in such derogatory terms..I would HUNT them down ...for reasons all my own, but mainly because they were stupid enough to publicly down me or embarrass me. I would not bother with "WANTING to be noticed"...I would just actively hunt them and corner them face to face when they least expected it.
For goodness sake...dont go putting your own abilities above anybody..ESPECIALLY someone who studies emotions, reactions and behaviour as easily as most eat breakfast.You WILL lose, you WILL end up with more grief....and you very well may put yourself in a physical situation you have NO control over. Dont let self satisfaction colour good judgement.
one thing Ive learned for sure...a woman scorned is dangerous, but not nearly as much as a sociopath ridiculed or belittled. Youve been warned, not that angry women listen..hahahaha
I have only just begun to understand the level of sociopathy I have, as I have only recently accepted that I am sociopathic.
ReplyDeleteReading this article has basically highlighted to me, the very reasons I have lost total interest in my marriage, got myself another life set up, ready to move on to in the morning......though not before I extract anything useful that happens to be left. Where as most empaths are desperate to see the back of their sociopath, mine is at the begging & offering to move heaven & earth to keep me, as have all the others, I can't explain how I know it's time, but i seem to have a knack of 'quitting' while i'm ahead.
All of my ex's would happily take me back, the damn fools, all it takes is a call, a 'chance' meeting, contact in an innocent situation & they're back on my leash, giving me anything I want from them.
I know the abusive/distructive sociopaths who use u up all at once might seem bad, but i'm pretty sure that the ones like me, who can tug on that invisible wire & have you dance to their tune,any time, bleeding you dry for the rest of your life, must be ultimately the most dangerous.
Why the fanfare: Just leave them. Don't return phone calls, emails, texts. Tell them they are useless human beings, and you have moved on and if they do not leave you alone you will get a retstraining order or Carmine. Tell them to fuck off!
ReplyDeleteI did this, haven't heard from him in 3 weeks. He tried asking for sex, I said "No thank, I'm good and you're useless".
I became too boring, and my husband left me. He didn't bother to actually do any of the paperwork or details of course, left all that up to me. He did however take EVERYTHING of value from our home and sold it.
ReplyDeleteI've been reading online, of course, and this is my first post. I think my motivation is to learn from the posts on this blog and others how to become more selfish and protect myself. He tried to teach me some tactics, of course all focused on protecting HIM, but I believe they will also work to protect me going forward.
I've had lots of thoughts, and may or may not share them with the readers of this blog. I don't know if anyone will see this posting. It's my first. We've been divorced 6 months and rarely talk. Today I had to text him some information about the health of my cat, and he randomly lied to me about one of his twitter "friends." I checked twitter and it was clearly a lie, and one that was not at all related to our conversation about the cat, or me.
Since breaking up, I have noticed hundreds of these nonsense lies, whereas when we were married, I must have been wearing blinders, because I didn't notice them at all.
Did he decide to start making up tiny lies to tell me now that I'm not a primary relationship? Was he always telling weird lies during our whole relationship? I think a mixture of both.
So, hello, and thanks for reading.
Sara
To all good and kind people >>
ReplyDeleteI would like to share my experience. I sincerely hope it will help someone in the near future.
I have manage to break up with my sociopath today. And it wasn't very difficult... while all pervious attempts failed miserably. We have been in relationship for just over 10 months while living separately on opposite sides of the town and during this time, being constantly and shamelessly manipulated I have provided her with 1001 favors. Never said no. Never refused even one request, even if it was difficult or inconvenient for me due to my personal plans and daily affairs. Her tools in achieving this were pity and blame game. I succumbed to her wishes every single time. Guilty as charge ; ( And in return not a sign of any genuine appreciation, on a contrary often immediate hostility, aggression and disrespectful undermining "I'm better than you" attitude, deliberate attempts to make me upset. Quite often I was hurt by her ungratefulness and humiliated by the feeling of being used, which would lead to prolong depressive state. I tried to leave, but would be caught in my hurt feelings, masochistic self-pity and desire to change and save her ; / During all this time I've never asked her for any favors or help except ones when I asked her to give me one driving lesson (she drives BMW) to prepare for the driving test. She was very quick to decline, advising me to hire professional instructor. And just recently after fulfilling her next request I had a sadden idea. On sub-conscience level I felt it was good, but didn't realized exactly why. I have decided to ask her for her help. I lied that I'm going to move and I asked her if she could drive a little van that I would rent on my name and refill its tank afterwards. That she would only do the driving and will cary all my spartan stuff in and out. She pretended that she is going to, but the next day advised me to asked someone else to assist me, some of my male friends. I reminded her that I've never failed to help her and I wouldn't asked her if didn't really need her help ; ))
She faked a seen saying that I am a man and she is a woman and we have different acceptation in helping others, she hanged up the phone...
I sent a sarcastic text message to her in our native language (we both are not native speakers) that she is a truly wonderful person and I thank her for all her support and readiness to help ; ))) She replied in English: "I don't do guilt. Grow up and deal with life like mature man, rather than a child". I typed my initiate answer: "Sense of guilt is an attribute and psychological property characteristic for people with conscience. People without conscience, respectively, are deprived of senses of guilt and shame. Such as uses, takers, freeloaders, energetic vampires and sociopaths. Maybe that is the reason why your are still alone in your 40s..."
ReplyDeleteThen I have changed my mind, I thought it would be too cruel and sent this instead: "Sorry I have bothered you with my problems. Obviously, I shouldn't have. I just really needed your help..."
Now I understand why I have felt good about the idea to play this charade. In comparison with my other feelings that were subjective this situation created something more objective and concrete. Strong sense of injustice and unfairness toward myself. It is something I can't deny and brash aside
in the moment of cowardly weakness.
I feel easy and strong now. There is no feeling of regret. Now I am absolutely sure who I was dealing with. My intuition says she wont bother me any more, let alone me bothering her. But even if she does I have power to say simple "No' ; ))
I thought it was important to share my story, because I hope that my confession would be helpful to somebody who is suffering out there like I did. Also I would really appreciated any feedback, judgment or even criticism in valuation of my actions...
p.s. This negative experience took a lot from me. Yet, it gave me a lot too. It made me wiser, stronger and probably even kinder. I have genuine feelings of pity and compassion toward these broken people deprived of ability to love, forgive and feel pain of others. They say those who never loved never really lived. Its a great tragedy to come into this world with a stone instead of a human heart.
ReplyDeleteOur intelligence is important, but our feelings are precious, because they are an attempt of the universe to understand itself. Not being part of it is truly sad. So, these human-like creatures should be forgiven, pitied and left alone in the oblivion of their moral insanity...
when my daughter i never raised or saw..cuz shes from a tyrant family... came to me a little after her 18th birthday i was over joyed with emotions of finally having her in my life.. but within a few days i knew something was wrong..long story short.. emotional abuse..distrust..pathological lies..theft..manipulation..hatered..threats..never gave a damn about her siblings and even said so.. she will take and never give a damn thing.. blame us for her theft.. ignore us constantly unless its to say im sorry i love you i need you Dad..then within days its right back to ignoring texts..callin me names.. broken promises..manipulation..temper tantrums..abuse.. back stabbing.. can a man abandon a daughter ??? i have.. i wont be torn to shreds by the fanily PITBULL cuz shes bired or needs to FEED off our enotions because she has none..hey sociopaths... your not superior..your inferior in every way.. whe we say no more get lost..its YOU that comes crawling back like a parasite.. you leech off others emptions cuz you have none of your own.. without peole you would curl up into a ball and die from fear... you FEED off us and we dont KNOW that yet most of us.. imtellin you all its true..THEY FEED OFF OUR EMOTIONS BECAUSE THEY HAVE NONE OF THIER OWN...thier animals without souls... pitbulls who will attack loving family members out of boredom or thirst for FEEDING.. quit whinning everyone and kick your sociopath to the curb Tthay will come crawling.. devour them with thier own weapons..THEY WILL FLEE !!!!
ReplyDeletefor heliangelus and 8/24 post:
ReplyDeletethank you for posting. five mont hs ago i separated from the sociopath in my life and am still having emotions re: going into the relationship in the first place and ignoring all the flags. you can read my posts dated in july to see part of my story. i have moved on in most ways but this person is still in the area where i live and i've had to alter my lifestyle because i feel so strongly about not even seeing him at all. i hope i can come to having some of the compassion i had for him while i was in the relationship, understanding, or at least thinking i understood, the reasons for his behavior. trying to be non-judgmental, loving un-conditionallly. i realize i will never understand him, would like to find the forgiveness that heliangelus has found, first for myself for having been so vulnerable as a "target", which i realize now that i was, and then for him. like you, the lack of appreciation and the one-sidedness of giving was what finally made me see that he would never change. again, thanks for having the courage to post your experience. be well be happy. that is what i wish for all of us who have been through sociopathic hell.
What about when you're the sociopath and you want to end the relationship? My last relationship can only be described as sick, in trying to fulfill his emotional needs I was "love bombing" him and when I realized it and tried to stop he almost went crazy, I tried to "wean him off" but that only made it worse, and when I finally tried to end the relationship he had a he went crazy.
ReplyDeleteI tried to be his friend but he would start crying every time we talked no matter what I said, he couldn't understand that I was unable to give him what he needed, and when I finally stopped talking to him he stalked me for months.
I never meant to hurt him but we were just incompatible, we get compared to parasites a lot but he was like a vampire constantly needing blood. Most normal people are like that, I don't see why the parasite comparison is always directed towards the sociopath.
YA well i understand.. my daughter cannot even share a single real moment with me beyond the shallowness or the typical chit chat... shes only real when shes going nuts or brain humping me.. shes left me alone for months at a time only to worm her way back in with acting skills and so i dont know if you inyend to never see him again or just use him.. yes hes weak.. i became strong real fast,,one thing i thank my daughter for.. i learned hoq to take a blow and survive it fine and also how to finally tell someone to piss off and mean it.. thats what you get for toying with him..no offense.. maybe you dont mean to idk,, i dont care. why not find a sociopath love club and hook up.. QUESTION.. can 2 sociopaths get along ??????
ReplyDeleteSociopaths get along together GREAT! its always like a camping trip! we swap stories and talk about exciting things weve done in the past! its basically nice to just meet someone and not feel all alone! this whole conversation really needs to be a little more upbeat! has anyone ever thought about what we Sociopaths think about dating you weak empaths?? how is that fair to us!? always looking to us for answers always trying your hardest to please us just generally being rather boresome! were ppl too grow a pair of balz and educate yourselves and for the love of "God" ppl stop misrepresenting sociopaths as psychopaths! A Sociopath is easy to break up with unless he REALLY cares about you and an empath is easy to break up with unless he REALLY cares about you! if you date a sociopath expect excitement, joy, spontaneity, great humor, MANY laughs! and expect them to be loyal! cause we will be also expect us to get bored and simply move on! life isnt about relationships people its about achievements goals success happiness find all those things within yourself first then go find a "mate"
ReplyDeleteI too dated a sociopATH and these sites are mind blowing and so so helpful..
ReplyDeleteI knew from the beginning that something was "just not right". I just didn't know what... could never put my finger on it.
I never got but so involved but even then, the aftermath somehow does a "mind job " on you. I too am in therapy, not just for him, but he sure seems to keep coming up in the conversation and to be truthful i couldnt figure outwhy. From these posts i see that it is the con , the lies , all subtle for me.. This guy was Mr. Charmer. flowers at every visit.. waited on me hand and foot . But he then became very mistrustful of me.. read my emails . Hey, he stole my password book.. he says he didnt. yeah right, FB shows he hacked my acount , but legally by using my password.. and also my emails.
this is the guy who repeatedly said I will never lie to you, cheat on u , hit u or steal.. Uh.. I think he will do all these things.. he also stayed on dating sites and chatted, (like one other poster remarked) continuously, with other women etc.. But he was never wrong , i was the infidel..
I cant begin to put in words the games.. and the thing is u dont know they are games.. but all along my instincts kept saying run. I still never knew why.
True also, that u will become the target of their illness in that they will then make up things about u . and then deny that they do it..
It is A CRAZY CRAZY world and God bless all of u who stayed in for years.. had I stayed longer , I would have had a better story, but I am glad i dont... still, they get in you
OOPs....... danged computer.. these people get in ur head and hard to get out.. I think it is because we feel some kind of responsibility for letting them get over on us so badly.. But that is their charm. anyone can fall for it . U dont have to be dumb.
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful, but trust me, not totally over it as i write and hey, I didnt even love the guy. STILL I PAID AND PAY. SCARE.E.EE.E.
His initials are BWK ,, so beware .
ReplyDeleteisn't it interesting that sociopathic people are coming on to this site and still slinging "it's all your fault" comments at us empaths who got sucked into a relationship with one of them? i accept the "who i am" that made me vulnerable, and i am a stronger person than i was before. you "down-putters" didn't GET me, ha ha ha. i am well and happy with the sociopaths out of my life, i can spot one a mile away now, and am most grateful for the lesson. loving energy to all of you who are healing from your experiences.
ReplyDeleteI could use a bit of help leaving man that I believe to be sociopathic. We've been together for 18 months, in that time I have discovered he has lied about many many things. Women, people, money, his past etc. As Ive been learning more and more he demonstrates all of the attributes assigned to a sociopath. ALl of the "red flags" as it were. Of course people are individuals and no one person is exactly like another, but there is too much evidence for me to ignore it anymore.
ReplyDeleteThe first time I tried to leave him was after I found a picture another woman posted on a website of herself, naked and bent over his couch. She identified as his girlfriend. When i confronted him he promised he'd break up with her- he must've said something because his name came off her web page-turns out she left him lol
There have been many women since. When I confront him, he tells me things like, " we are just friends, her husband is abusive and Im trying to help her" or "I havent been with her in two years, shes a crazy drug addict stalker" or " my friend is a poor alcoholic on a bender" everyone else is crazy, alcoholic, or lying.
The last straw came when yet another woman, that he said was an ex, posted a picture she had taken of him on his new couch ( that i had purchased and was never reimbursed for) on a day that he told me he was home alone.
No matter what lie i confront him with , he has an excuse or blames someone else.
Ive tried to break up with him several times, and I have allowed myself to be manipulated into going back. This last time was a few weeks ago- I told him I was leaving and he said he was so sick over it he was nauseous. He swore he loved me ( of course he always had) and he said he couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, promised to be honest, to change the way he did things etc.
Ive since spoken with some of the women he was with while he was with me- they all tell the same story I do, only instead of calling them crazy or a stalker he says I am an out of control drunk psycho and he was with me because he thought he could help me.lol ( this from the man who was laid off a year ago and drinks beer all day)
Each of the women I spoke with also said that when they left he threatened them. Told one they'd never find her body in the ocean etc.
I want to avoid this ( obviously) I don't want a big dramatic conflict, I don't want threats, I don't want him trash talking me around town.. how do i do it? Ive tried leaving in anger, Ive tried rationally pointing out we don't want the same things, Ive tried pointing out that even though he says hes willing to do anything, he doesn't. Ive tried ignoring him, but then something happens to him or he finds away to open the dialogue again. Ive stopped buying the food, the beer, the dinner out, etc. Ive stopped changing my plans to be with him.
I take responsibility for my part in this- I knew what he was about and stayed, I know others can only do to you what you allow them to do.
I could really use some constructive advice here.
@ Anon
ReplyDeleteThere is something in you that he is attracted to! you need to find out what it is and change it! he does not have an emotional connection to you keep in mind you are a game! Either he is getting money from you or he is getting comfort or something! could just be that he enjoys watching you react emotionaly to whatever string it is that he is pulling at the time!
My best advice to you is know that he doesnt care and know that he will say anything to keep you around. The longer he keeps you around against your will the happier he gets! Also know that he might not be aware of what he is! so tell him your out of money or that your out of town for a bit! become Aloof make plans to meet him and break them last minute, this is also a way to get your power back! it has been said that he who cares less controls the relationship!
Just a friendly piece of advice from a non invested sociopath
Thank you Charlie! Ive heard that expression and agree. I actually changed plans on him this past Friday, Sat, and Sunday evening and never ended up seeing him.. I'll keep doing that. My thinking was the longer I go without seeing him,the more he will turn to another woman.
ReplyDelete..as far as what hes attracted to, Ill have to think about that. Our roles have changed so often..
yeah good point up there.. sociopaths do a lot of whining and finger pointing.. like babies.. they never grew up.. they never did anything but walk the earth like the living dead that they are. souless Godless most of them.. of course they see us as weak.. they same way a pitbull smells a victim to eat thinking its weak.. pitbulls have no soul and niether do these humans without souls,, its not like being born deaf or blind.. these creeps are born without a spirit.. walking dead.. gp ahead sociopaths and laugh it up.. its a nervous laughter no doubt as you secretly lay down at night alone and curl up into your own selfish prison called your mind.. i have seen it.. i been there.. they dont have the love of God in them. its a dark miserable place they live in and the only excitement they get is from the living.. they feed off us like i said,, you better trust and believe folks.. are they human ?? yes biologically of course they are..and even in a lot of other ways so yes thier human.. but thier already dead. and they hate us because we feel.. and they want to desperately but gave then selves in to the darkness long ago.. thats why theres no way out for most of then they are trapped in thier hell forever.. and frankly sociopaths.. thats your damn problem.
ReplyDeletefor the woman who needs some help leaving a sociopath...you are on the right path. when i finally was able to disconnect emotionally, living my life as if he were already gone from it, he recognized that he was no longer loved or wanted and that his control over me was gone. so when i finally said, you have to leave, he accepted it and left. i have NO contact with him whatsoever. it's been nearly six months since he left and the negative thoughts about him are finally lessening and i am becoming more free by the day. i have had to change the places i frequent for coffee, companionship, etc. as he stayed in the area where i live. but i'm ready now to resume my old friendships whether he is likely to be there or not. that's how well i've become. so, good luck to you, take care of yourself, you will learn to love and respect yourself again.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anon. I'm slowly de-tangling myself. The emotional disconnect is difficult, but Ive found that as long as I keep physically distant, its getting easier. Thank you for your response. I truly appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteWhere is the person that asked if someone knew of the initials B.C.???? I dated him for too long!! I even questioned those initials he first contacted me with... he had NO CLUE what it stood for. Haha joke's on me. I was able to contact his new victim and warn her, but OH WELL some people don't have a clue.
ReplyDelete@ Anon sept 14th
ReplyDeleteYOUR HILARIOUS!!
why is it that pitbulls have no soul? why did you choose that dog? cause society chose that dog? if it were the 80s would you have said dobermans have no soul or the 90s Shepards have no soul? or if it were the early 2000s maybe you would be claiming rottweilers have no soul?!? You are a Jargon Spewing pile of entertainment thats what you are! I especially liked the comment where you claimed "pitbulls have no souls and neither do humans without souls"
i guess you could say anything without a soul doesn't have a soul and anything without a brain shouldn't be attempting to blog.
im also a big fan of how the most ignorant ppl on a blog site are also the biggest fans of god, i most certainly see a correlation.
Now that im done laughing at that moron and again thanks for the laugh i really needed a boost of southern ignorance haha i was feeling a bit low today!
@Anon Sept 16th
as per what i was saying earlier lacking interest and not playing is the best way to get rid of them for sure and like you said you will be going in with freinds you were mutual with and you have no fear of him anymore, be careful because now its a new game to him and he will more than likely come at you in any way just to mess your head up and if you give in in anyway the result is you hating yourself for being so stupid instead of you hating him for being an ass! the game continues! so keep your guard UP! also if you havent read the comment posted above you and your looking for some cheering up you should read it and be thankful you didnt date a guy like him ;)
I know a DG who is true sociopath in reference
ReplyDeleteto Feb.11' post. My advice NO contact you're
not the crazy one just keep this in mind. Work
on yourself & don't look back!! Good Luck.
Oct 6 anon, thank you for posting. the problem i am having is, somehow i'm choosing to let all the negatives about him stay in my head and the chatter is quite steady. i thought resuming my life was going to help that but am finding that it doesn't help. so i've decided to continue with the changing people, places and things, will see a therapist for help. it's unreal that six months after he's gone from my life, i'm still allowing him to control my thoughts. perhaps that's from living with him for five years and recovery is taking longer than i expected.
ReplyDeleteWow! Eye-opening! I was in a two plus year relationship with a man, A.C., who I am now recognizing is a sociopath. I never felt quite in the relationship and figured he was just "Mr. Right Now". He is European, charming, sexy...but penniless, with a prison record, immigration issues and almost homeless. I left him 3 months ago but he said he wanted to get back together. Then he went on vacation with a woman he'd been seeing for at least 6 months. Always accused me of being unfaithful but was still sending texts asking if I wanted to f***." I just wished him well in his quest to find a woman to marry for papers and told him all I had ever done was love him. Left it at that. He said I'd never see him again ever. Now I'm hoping that he's good on his promise. Always wondered why "Dexter" and Charlie Sheen were his heros. It all makes sense now.
ReplyDelete10 yrs plus with someone i am pretty flippin sure is a sociopath. CANNOT GET AWAY FROM HIM COMPLETELEY! Hes created so many many problems ad distruction i cant even list it all. We share a daughter who i am very concerned for being left around him. Everything a sociopath is capable of, he does but what makes it worse is that he has a very extreme hatred for females. He hides it just enough to get whaat he wants...emotional support, validation for his destructiveness of exgf, money and always nees sex. The man cannot go without sex and is soooo very charming and convincing of hd cha ng e it, but is genuineness. Others have stated to find what hes attracted to in u and change it. Problem is i really think hes attracted to the fact that i stand up to him, most people WILL NOT STAND UPTOHIM. Hes very intimidating. I cant just let him be abusive and cont to control the lies of myself and my childr we n. At the same time, i am scared of whats coming next because i am finally going.gt o rhw extrwmes to make sre he HAS to stay away. Im even looking for supervised visitation of our daughter which will really piss him off. He sees her asa possession not a true human being. Side mote...he doesnt seem to have ever been so flippen psychotic about anyone else hes been with. Lucky me!
ReplyDeleteWow...textbook! Socio left...and now I get 35 phone calls, 14 texts, plus a few emails and IMs in one day. For someone who said they never wanted to see me again? Really?!! WTF is that all about?
ReplyDeletethis socio might take a long time to realize that the game is over. that's why the comment made in an earlier post re: NO contact is so important. i have avoided places where the socio who is no longer in my life might be, somehow keep "running into him" but refuse to acknowledge him. seven months after our break-up, he sent me a birthday card with a $5.00 gift certificate. i've heard that he has been seeing other women. but i think with him it's still a matter of winning or losing so he still tries to keep the game going. i know, it's weird. i no longer think i have to "figure him out". but i will keep visiting this site, it's a good reminder, and perhaps exchanging experiences will help us all move on and help us to be happy again.
ReplyDeleteBe VERY careful of a C.S or S.S in the Durham/Toronto region. Ultimate Sociopath.
ReplyDelete@Oct 23 Anon- it IS just a game he doesnt want to lose. Im amazed at the lengths the guy Ive been leaving ( for what seems like forever now) will go to just to keep me engaged. That in and of itself is frightening.
ReplyDeletethank you all for the comments about your life with a sociopath. I too have lived with what I know now is a true sociopath. Its only been about a yr since I discovered this fact. My relationship with this man has lasted for 13 years and I want out so... badly but cant do it. For some reason as badly as you want them gone, when they are away from you you want them back so badly you almost go crazy thinking about it. Its that thing of cant live with them, cant live without them. They do the worst, cruelest things to your life it just distroys your whole being. I did learn one good thing tonight by reading these comments that will help me in what is happening right now so again I say thank-you because I know now that the way I have been reacting to my situation is only feeding into what he likes, my pain. Even if I am not strong enough to run and hide from this monster maybe I can be strong enough not to feed into giving him more pleasure or control. Its hard because every single day now he hurts me in some way or another and makes me feel very unloved and worthless but deep inside I know that it is him who is the sick one. I plan to call and start therapy next week in hopes that it will help me to leave.
ReplyDeleteI just ended a relationship with a sociopath two months ago. I first realized he was one after his ex wife and ex gf both told me to look it up. I was in shock that I was hooked into his world without even realize it, as I had never even thought about sociopathic people and what they were capable of. The lying, cheating, emotional abuse, no remorse for his actions and no regard for the boundaries and respect of another human being, more so with those he supposedly loves, even his own children. His eldest son is about to go into the marines, where they have strict drug rules. He smoked his son out and then after getting angry at him, called the recruiter anonymously to have him drug tested. They will even destroy their own children's lives. I won't go into details about my relationship with him, because it's no different than everyone elses stories here. I do not want revenge in any way, I just want him to leave me alone. I am afraid and aware of the damage these people can do and really want nothing to do with him. I care about him dearly, being an empath, that's my heart, but all I can do now is pray for him and leave it in God's hands.
ReplyDeleteRE: Oct 29, still with the spath
ReplyDeleteDon Miguel Ruiz says in one of his books, we will accept abuse from another to the extent we abuse ourselves and when they go over that is when we separate ourselves. the self-doubt that is created in us as a result of being in a relationship with a spath is unbelievable. believe in yourself and your feelings and to your own self be true.
Beware of B.L.N in the Lima, Ohio area. Should be moving to Indiana soon. I could sit here all day and type the same things that everyone has typed. Pregnant with our 3rd child, on and off for 13 years and finally I have found out what has been wrong for all these years. He's a 100% psychopath and fits every single characteristic and description imaginable. His mask slips more than others and with age his lying is getting more outrageous. He is physically, emotionally, & financially draining and abusive. He plays those pity party tunes and poor him, lies constantly and has sex with so many women, including prostitutes, that it is disgusting yet he is not embarrassed or ashamed with his actions. He lies so much and his stories are outrageous. He's an alcoholic and a drug addict (he will lie and say others are not him). He has no conscious and doesn't give a hoot about his kids (only to suck me back into his tornado of a life). He promises women children, which amazes me because he has 4 or 5 kids that he already doesn't take care of (just found out about 1 that the woman doesn't want him to know about). True 100% parasite, beware women, he will charm your panties off of you and use you until he finds another host. Run like hell! His main goal is destroy everyone around him, including family and friends. Look him up! His court record is a mile long!! Shame I can't see his juvenile record or his mental health record.
ReplyDeleteI like how the author likens sociopaths to parasites
ReplyDeleteTo the 8/24 commentor: Is that realy something a person shoul'd say about his daughter? You claim that she's a sociopath, but if you haven't seen her for 18 years and you expect her to be a perfect angel, I fear you may be delusional. And how you liken sociopaths to "animals without souls" is rather untrue. I've been diagnosed with being sociopath and don't manipulate people or "feed of their emotions", I just have a hard time understanding them and don't really feel guilt all too often. And I'm sorry if I offend you with this rant, but maybe the problem with your daughter is her estranged father who considers her a monster.
ReplyDeleteCandles light at both ends
ReplyDeletemy name is Brooke and advice would be appriciated, i was involved i with a sociopath for 3 yrs, hes also a drug addict refuses any therapy, the relationship was like a rollercoaster,he was abusesive i have a daughter who is now 6 that i had to consider,i had learned to deal with most of his behaviors but his games lying cheating and drug abuse but i knew me and my daughter deserved more after 3 yrs i had to put an end to the relationship although he has made several attemts to talk to me,be friends i have not allowed any contact he lives 6 houses away from me so i have no choice but to see him just about everyday he tries to be friendly i have ignored or refused all contact, but i find myself thinking of him everyday missing his good qualities and having a deep feeling that he may be my soul mate, i know while we were together he had brainwashed me quite a bit but i can see more cleary thru him now. after all the pain this relationship has caused me and my daughter, i still question my own sanity because now i have refused communication with him 4 9 months and latley i have been finding myself very sad missing him and maybe its the holiday idk but i have considered communicating with him,and i know he would be more than happy to oblige i loved him truly and gave to him freely the pain i went with him was unexplainable but in a sense even thou we have been seperated 9 months i am still hurting. any advice from any1 who knows what im going thru would help is there anyway to work things out sucessfully with a sociopath or should i just continue doing what i have been avoiding all contact , im still in love with him my heart tells me to reach out to him, he hasnt been well since i have been out of his life, i know i can help him to a point, but i also know how dangerous it could be should i listen to my head or my heart ?
ReplyDeleteBrooke, run. he wasn't well when he was in your life. i thought i could help my spath too. then i looked up pathological care-giving online and saw myself described there my way of fixing him will work. hah. so i had to face my sickness of being an enabler and co-dependent. i'd recommend you do the same. i wrote earlier that i was going to start frequenting places where he was again. i did and i'm sorry. some kind soul posted a warning to me about it, w but i thought i was past it and strong enough. i didn't speak to him but just his presence was enough to bring that dark energy back to the surface. i don't know how long it's going to take, but i would never, ever be involved with him again. his initials are jr and he lives in nokomis, fl. he's looking for someone else to "absorb" so be careful.
ReplyDeletethankyou for the blog above, i guess i just needed some reasurance that im doing the right thing by staying away from him,this has been a long breakup process i dont know if ill ever be over it,atleast im not going thru hell daily anymore
ReplyDeletebrooke, thanks for responding to my blog. it's been nearly nine months since the split for me too. i'm still seeing him around almost daily, in spite of consciously avoiding his hang-outs. here on a bike, there in his truck, there in a store. it's unreal. after reading your response, i realize that i need to get over my fear that i won't be able to find a decent partner and get out there and find one, and stop living in the past. my best wishes to you. stay strong and look ahead, not back. you deserve happiness for you and your little daughter.
ReplyDeleteDon't think it's over just because you left or think you've ended the relationship. It's been 20 years since I left my ex-sociopath. 15 years since I moved a long distance from them. 12 years since they remarried. and still they sneak up on me. Still they harm me. I survive by the grace of God. But it doesn't stop. Go as far away as you can, Brooke, Don't accept any contact for any reason. You can't help him. Help yourself.And your daughter. Move away, move forward, but keep an eye out for your back. They are good at it. They are smooth. They will say & do exactly what you want, to draw you in. Keep your guard up, not only towards him but for the next one. They recognize you. You are a victim now and a potential victim from here on. Beware, be safe and be well. MOVE ON!
ReplyDeleteIt took me ten years of planning to get away from my sociopath lawyer husband. It took a therapist to explain to me that he did not have dementia - you can't have it at home and not in work. He did everything from try and choke me to death, to celebrating with my son for attacking me a third time. The behaviour got worse and worse from both of them. I planned, put money aside, began to tell my friends, moved my valuables out of the house, slowly, and then when he attacked me just before Christmas - I lifted the phone to ring the police and he was gone. But not for long...he attempted to get back in citing the house was his too - He refused to acknowledge his behaviour. It has been a long, devious divorce process - he used every trick in the book. He hid money from me, lied to me and had affairs. But the worst betrayal was that I confided in my sister who is counselor and she was in collusion with him - to gain money - she wanted my share of divorce settlement. She told lies to support him - but had no evidence. And, all my friends believed me! It has been a struggle, my adult children sided with him after he gave them money - and they believed his lies. One thing is for sure - after he left, I began to return to normality. I can sing, dance and do what I want. And most of all - I have never looked back - after 30 years of marriage - and working as a full time, taking care of the house and the kids - he has started a cycle - what he dished out to me - will follow him. He destroyed our family and my children's memories of my love and affection. He has lost everything and everyday I hope that he falls dead on the street - and dies a lonely person for what he has done. I am a professional woman - the covertness came slowly. But I realised that I was nothing but a servant to him in the end. I thank all my friends for helping me.No one ever questioned or challenged what I said about him afterwards. They all saw his "wierdness" and covertness before I did. Even his family knew but no one told me what he was! I have recovered and I want women out there to realise that you can recover - and life without such a person - can happen!
ReplyDeleteWhat a compelling story. How are your kids if you don't mind me asking. I just feel alot of compassion toward them right now because I was too once in an abusive relationship where his relatives were maniupulated too which is sad because family cannot ever go away. His family has to deal with his sociopathic disorders because he is blood.
DeleteThank you for the post. I want and need to divorce my husband of 30 years without being financially devastated. I'm hoping to get advice on how to handle the whole thing. He moved to another state, purchased a condo in his own name but unfortunately for me, is still on the title of the home I live in (a community property state). He is the breadwinner. I raised 5 kids. Until this year, he was depositing money into my account so even though I know he has a secret bank account and started a business using our home as collateral, I've been biding my time to be sure I will legally own 1/2 of everything he does. I do since neither of us has ever filed legal separation. Me, for the reason I said and I suspect he hasn't because he does not want to pay for an expensive divorce. Plus, it's a good way to keep the new string of women from pressing him for marriage. But now, I can't take it anymore. I can't pay for an expensive divorce so I need to find out how to motivate him to believe it's better to be rid of me and easier not fight it. We don't talk that much. I've avoided him for years, claiming it's too painful. That's true of course but besides the broken heart it's been to prevent being manipulated. Point is, he would probably say we're best of friends. He says (ha!) I'm the best, smartest person he's ever met, which is why, even though he never wanted a relationship, he married me because he knew I'd be the best mother and wife. (code words for chump). I was but when the last kid was 18, he left, saying he never wanted to be married but didn't want to share custody. Once that was no longer an issue, he wanted to be free. I asked if there was another woman. His reply was "If I wanted a relationship, I'd stay here."
DeleteThis year, he started holding back money, trying to force me to sell my house. His girlfriends usually last about 18 months, overlapping for a few months but his new one is VERY rich. She takes him on fabulous vacations, bought herself a 3rd home in the city where he lives and got a divorce! Clearly she wants to marry him and though I realize he won't fall in love, I wonder if the fact that she's so rich will make him change his pattern.
Are psychopaths motivated by money or purely control? Would the fact that he'd have financial security with her make him more likely to focus on her money as his new goal - therefore divorce me without ugliness to be rid of me? or does money make no difference to a psychopath? Would I be better of to be no nonsense and let him know I know everything about his finances so either do the right thing or prepare for a hassle - OR - would a challenge backfire and make him see me as a target to overcome?
I don't mind him thinking I've gone senile, gotten stupid crazy, ugly. I've already had my life stolen. All I want now is to be rid of him without being destitute.
Wow is all I have to say. I have been involved with this guy for almost 2 years now. When we started dating he was still involved and living with whom he referred to as his ex, and that he had intentions on moving/kicking her out and ending their relationship. I was also involved with someone, a guy I liked but wasn't in love with. This new guy literally swept me off my feet. The first time we talked I felt a strong connection with him like I'd never felt with anyone else. I've traveled a lot and met a lot of people, and no one affected me the way he did. We started spending a lot of time together, and within a month I had broken up with my ex, which was something I had planned on doing anyway. I felt awful for spending so much time with someone else than my boyfriend, but I couldn't help it; this new guy was so interesting, intoxicating, I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was also very inexperienced in relationships altogether at the time. He kept promising that he's going to break it off with his ex, but that it was hard because she was "crazy" (his words) and suicidal, and he told me that when he would try to break it off with her she would start to threaten with suicide. Honestly, I can't believe I fell for his pity-stories about how she uses him and manipulates him, when he's the one who's staying in the relationship. In the last 2 years we have had ups and downs, we've talked about marriage and the future, about 5 months ago he'd become distant from me and not even hang out with me for over a month, and when I would beg him to come talk to me and explain what was going on, I would cry and tell him I loved him and that I was really upset that he's pushing me away, he would just give me the usual; "my life is complicated, I don't have the money to not have my ex live with me and not share expenses, I don't have time for a relationship". Even after that, broken-hearted, I would spend any moment I could with him, continuing to believe that things would eventually change and he would leave his ex and really begin this adventure called life with me. Now... we haven't hung out for a month, and he hasn't been texting me every day like he used to. I have been going through immense changes in my life, and he has been very distant. It feels like he has completely lost interest. I was wanting to break it off anyway, and then remembered something about sociopathic personality disorder, and started searching for information online. Everything I have found matches his exact personality traits, from the way he treated me in the beginning to him making it extremely difficult to break up with him. I have felt for a long time that something wasn't right. Now I know it isn't. I still love him, I can't help that. No matter what anyone thinks I know we had a connection that was based on more than just his mental illness. It's just unfortunate that he can never truly love me the way I need to be loved, that he will never commit to me and be there for me. He is still living with his ex, whom I think is just as much of a victim of his manipulation as I have been, even more. She is there because she is convenient for him, she takes care of their dogs so he can do whatever he wants and not worry about his pets. I really am not vindictive, I'm glad I finally looked up the traits of a sociopath and how they are in relationships. (continued below..)
ReplyDelete(cont. from above..)
ReplyDeleteThings that didn't make sense (like him starting ridiculous and completely insane fights over nothing and make me feel like I was the one starting the problem), now are clear to me. I am going to tell him it's over, and pray that I find strength in myself to keep away. I've tried before, and always those memories of amazing, life-changing moments with him would make me yearn for more. I never thought I'd be in this kind of situation, I feel like such a walking cliché female. I am usually very doubtful of everyone I meet as I've had bad experiences socially while growing up. He felt like the kind of person I'd been wanting to meet all my life. Being with him felt right. I realize all these emotions are very typical when in a relationship with a sociopath. I don't hate him. I don't blame him or myself. I'm just very sad and broken over this, and I hope that one day I can feel happy again. A new relationship is not anywhere in my future plans. It's not something I'm worried about at all. Overall, it has been comforting to read some of these comments, and to know that what has happened to me wasn't some freak of nature incident. It really does seem every sociopath is an individual and they all go about their illness in different ways. I know I was dumb to get involved with someone who was still living with their ex, whether she really is an ex or not. I know I made mistakes too. All I hope for is to recognize these traits in the future and protect myself better.
I think my boyfriend might be a sociopath, he is controlling and has been violent towards me quite a few times, once punching my face repeatedly till my nose was pouring blood like a tap. (That time he was really sorry afterwards and cleaned me up) he has also used really cruel words to hurt me and more recently he woke me up to shout at me and held around my throat and bashed my head. It's like he turns into someone else, he even looks different, it's scary! and now I am starting to think that 'other' side of him is never really that far away. He has moved to different cities many times, rarely talks about his past (if at all) and has very few 'true' friends, especially ones that he has known for a long time.
ReplyDeleteHe fell out with most of my friends, they all hate him and think he is f**ked up. I feel like I don't want to abandon him cos it's not his fault he is that way, and I know the same sh*t willl only happen again and again with other people. I don't want to be the 'fixer' but I just don't see how giving up on a person is going to help either. So the cycle goes on. He is going to get some therapy (apparently) I made him agree to this, but am I just being a fool to stick around? Am I just being a stupid victim? Should I get the f*ck out and never look back? or is there something inside him that recognises my friendship and appreciates it on some sort of level? Does he really 'love' me at all? I think he might 'need' me but I only have so much strength, I cannot bear this forever! I want to ask, anyone who has a lot of sociopathic traits in their personality, we all have many traits, I believe it's just when one of those traits becomes so prominent it takes over the entire person and their life and relationships. I would like to ask those of you who have acknoledged this side of their personality; Is it possible to get help? Is it possible to find a way of living as a sociopath that isn't always against everyone else around you, is it possible that with time and understanding, we may be able to communicate better if he acknowledges this side of him and admits it instead of pretending it's not there and never taking any responsibilty for any of his actions (especially after any name-calling or violence). My boyfriend does not buy me flowers or chocolates to try and win back my affections, in fact he makes little effort in trying to convince me he is ever sorry....and yet I feel I cannot leave. Am I just deluding myself about him ever being able to maintain close friendships and intimate relationships on a healthy level? are we simply doomed to failure and nothing more? I know what all the empaths will say and I often wish I could take my own advice for once but I am not asking for all the non-sociopaths to tell me how or why I should get out, instead I need to hear from anyone who actually is a sociopath, and just as with all kinds of different people and personalities, I am aware that this is not black and white and that there are numerous 'types' of sociopath; that not all sociopathic people are violent monsters that end up killing; while many of the people here, have sadly fallen victim to the needs of a SP in a relationship and have been threatened or experienced extremely violent and terrifying behavior by loved ones who very much turned out to be monsters, I am not dismissing that, but I would like to know, can someone please tell me, is it at all possible, that with hard work and a lot of therapy for both of us, is there even an ounce of hope, is possible to make this work? Otherwise, fiine, go ahead and tell me to run away, fast or whatever! Thanks, Lucy
Run fast...unless you want him to kill you. 1/3 of female murder victims are killed by a boyfriend or husband. Seriously, GTFO. And call the police next time he does anything fucked up so he's on the books and it would be riskier for him to kill you.
DeleteNo hope. You're in a classic abusive relationship, though I would think that would be obvious. Does he attack other people? Or his his hostility directed to you, specifically?
ReplyDeleteappreciate is a word that is not in a spath's vocabulary. self-love is apparently not in yours. we allow others to abuse us to the extent that we abuse ourselves. how much more does he have to do to you to put you over that threshold, that one step beyond, that will make you follow your heart and leave? by all means, get counseling, for you. i know you don't want to hear from empaths....i hope you listen to postmoder sociopath, even if you won't listen to me.
ReplyDeletei still miss my ex s.p. i avoid him refuse to talk to him i have tried dating but will never look at love the same, i know my ex would love to play the game with me again and wonder if i will end up giving in as crazy as it all was and i havent forgeten the pain he caused but i will never have a love like that with anyone else he is still on my mind so maybe the ups can be worth the downs on that rollercoaster?
ReplyDeleteDon't put yourself through that any more. Realize that it is not love and you can not trust him. Stop looking back and take care of yourself. You are worth far more than that
DeleteSo, in other words, be passive-aggressive to bore us off.
ReplyDeleteUtter dreck.
I'd like to point out to you that those of us who choose to take partners have elected to carve out space in our lives (self-obsessed as they often are) for a partner, and if a partner really doesn't want to be in there... for the love of Mike, tell us. We'll gladly take that space back in our lives.
Gosh its crazy just reading everyones comments. Sucks to be me at this moment. I know of a sociopath. He lies about everything, I didnt know people actually existed like this until I googled compulsive liar and it lead me to keep reading and reading and know I am here commenting on how hard it is to get him out of my mind. I can honestly say, when he was good to me, he was good. But when he was bad, he was evil. He stole money from me, had other relationships behind my back. Used his kids and grandkids to beg people for money, saying they are very sick and dying. He cant hold any job for more then a year and everything is all about him. Because he is a goodlooking man, he MUST now what people say about him when I introduce him to my friends. He hates for me hang out with my friends, he feels every moment should be family time. Aaagh, after all this, why do I find it hard to get him out of my mind? Help Me Please!
ReplyDeleteI've done this before. Dated a mentally abusive psychopath. Bad choice on my part, but I understand why I did it (long and involved essay, it's currently eight pages and change, not posting here --too personal).
ReplyDeleteYour best bet is to find their insecurities and personal flaws and comment on them relentlessly. That was what I did, coupled with being a general bitch. Two weeks and he was gone.
Leaving a sociopath is easier said than done. The sort of person who thinks it is easy is the sort that would never have got involved in the first place. Only the more vulnerable people get gripped by the demands of a sociopath and can't escape. I recently read these two memoirs from Amazon to understand why an abused partner doesn't just walk-out -
ReplyDeleteThe Probation Officer and the Whore
Miss Sharpe takes Control: Escape from a Control Freak
I've played right into my sociopath ex husbands hands because I've contacted his latest victim. she is so unaware of the harm he is capable of and I felt guilty for letting him free to inflict himself on other women that I probably seem like the mad woman he says I am. At least I've given her the choice to speak to me so perhaps I shouldn't feel guilty. Sociopaths have no qualms, whatever it take for hem to feel good about themselves they will do. My ex even believes all the lies he
ReplyDeletehas told me although I have given him proof.
Ladies in Ft Laramie and Manville, WY....BEWARE of J.S!! I just filed for divorce, and he is desperately looking for a new victim!!
ReplyDeleteHaving read this, I feel like it has the potential to change my life. For 5 years I have been supporting my Mum- giving her half my pay check, asking my mother in law to look after her (we thought she had bi polar), and even paying debts for her when i was threatened by them. It is so easy to say you are putting them out of your life, but so easy to feel sorry for them again- especially as I am an only child brought up by one parent... Is there a book anyone recommends on this subject to help me move on with my life??
ReplyDeletethank you, Alex
moving on with our lives requires that we educate ourselves more about spaths so we no longer get used by them for their gains. i've been reading "law of attraction" material which has gotten me out of dwelling on the five years i spent with a sociopath and moving forward into the kind of life i want, a life of freedom to do what i choose. it isn't selfish to have the life of YOUR dreams. i left the spath in my life two years ago for a "vacation". i sat on the porch of a little cabin in georgia and thought, "this is the first time in my life that i'm where i chose to be without it depending on what someone else wanted or needed." i spent five weeks there and came home, dumped his ass at the curb, have spent nearly a year hoeing out the damaged manipulated parts of my mind, realizing more every day how he had really "gotten in there". i'm free now. every day is a new adventure on MY PATH, not his. your mum will find someone else to fill her needs. i'm really glad you asked about moving on with your life. that tells me that you are ready to be true to yourself and be what you will to be, not what someone else wills for you. good luck. don't linger in guilt feelings for a moment. be well, be happy.
DeleteTen Thousand Whisper by Lynda Madden Dahl for the person who wanted a book title, is excellent for conscious creation of a new life.
ReplyDeletesorry, that's "Ten Thousand Whispers".
ReplyDeleteI was with a sociopath for 17 years and just left him 2 weeks ago. He was so sweet in the beginning but quickly things didn't seem to add up. Then I started to get jail calls to bail him out for bar fights to DWI's. He had a job with a friend but never seemed to actualy work. When I would come home from work on Fridays he was dressed up to go out to a bar and would start a fight with me so he could stay away all weekend as I just laid there and cried until he came home Sunday afternoon. We moved to another city to get away from everyone and we got married but I found a note from another woman saying how great he was the night before in bed. I remember when he came home and had sex with me and I could smell her perfume on his chest. He took all the money I earned. He would last at a job for a few days then would quit and stay home and find another woman. I blamed myself, at 5'5, 105 lbs, blond hair and blue eyes it must be me. Why wasn't I good enough for him. He would disappear now for days with my car. He would drive back to our homestate and I would get calls from women saying how much his wedding ring turned them on when they were $#@!ing the night before. He laughed and agreed.
ReplyDeleteI just couldn't leave him so I fought even harder for him. He made me feel that I needed him to live. He got busted for driving drugs back to our homestate and spending money at the bars and on these women and would come back home when all the money was gone. I stood by him when he served 13 years in the federal system. Sent him money (over 20k to make his life in there comfortable), traveled to every FBOP they have and waited for him to come home last May to the brand new home I had built for us. I got pregnant within the first week of him being home. But then I saw a Facebook page that said "J.K.W., can't wait for you to see T.P.B., he looks hot!" I asked who she was and he said she sent him a couple of letters back in 2007 as they went to school together. It came in 2 weeks later that they went to have coffee. Then her name popped up more and more. She called me on day when my husband went back to jail in July on a parole violation and told me she was also pregnant...we were just 6 weeks apart. He never told me he was sorry. I went through hell and he never held me and in fact blamed me for getting her pregnant. He told her how crazy I was while he told me she was a stalker and told his friends the same..his friends that we would hang out with. His friends that the two of them hung out with knew I was a psycho. he told me she had an abortion; lie. He told me she was giving the kid up for adoption; lie. He said the kid is not his; yet is begging her to put his name on the birth certificate. He literally had Family A and Family B and was playing both hands at who could offer him more. I begged and pleaded for my husband and he told the lies he probably told her. Yes I am going to be with you my wife and our perfect little son forever and I will never see her or my other son. They don't matter; you are my only family.I never talk to her anymore. She wants us out of her life. But then the liar got caught up in a story and I called a friend to varify and he did. They talk every day; all day and always have. And he slept with more than her over the summer as there were many more. I called the whore, cursed her out and listened to her tell me not to call her anymore. Like she is innocent when she slept with a married man...and yes she knew..she confessed to knowing when she called me in July 2011. An hour later I got a call from my husband blaming me for starting trouble and what a bitch I am and never to talk to him again. See, he was caught and was turning it on me. He called later that night and I never answered his call. It will be two weeks this weekend and I hurt. I hurt to know that my child will never know his father and how quickly Family A was replaced. I do take much pleasure knowing that Family B will not last either (for God's sake her mother works for the sheriff). Sure a bloodline sounds good to him but of all the years I spent with him he was only able to play "normal life" for 3 weeks. Then he retruned to his normal life. I just have to realize that I spent years with this man and he was NEVER mine. It was all about what I could offer him and it will come down to the same thing with his whore.
ReplyDeletecharles
Deletemy testimony all thank to ayelala shrine i was in love with a girl name paulina i was deeply in love with her i have tried my best to get her,all my effort was nothing until i meant this man name Dr moon,i explain everything to him and he told me that my problem is solve but i ask him how is that possible he told me that i should not worry again and my problem is over that he is going to cast a spell on her to love me forever.to my greatest surprise within 3 days she came to me and tell me that she love me,i am very happy she is back to me thank you email to contact him EMAIL:ayelalashrine@gmail.com
Nearly every person here that is so quick to give out their "advice" seems to forget that - as with ALL mental disorders - there are varying degrees of sociopathy. If you want to break clean from a TRUE 100% "certified" -type sociopath, the absolute best advice for you is to CHANGE YOUR IDENTITY. The thing about letting yourself go? That won't EVER work with a TRUE sociopath, because they'll constantly (and aggressively) badger you until YOU give in and do things THEIR way. Better to create your own 'witness protection program'. TRUE sociopaths don't 'finally give up' or 'just go away'! That is the most STUPID misinformation about sociopathy I have EVER heard in my LIFE.
ReplyDeleteThis will undoubtedly sound sick and twisted to non-SPs, (and it is), but what you people are calling a 'romance' or a 'relationship' is just an ACT for the sociopath - at least, in the beginning. AFTER the sociopath becomes 'comfortable' or feels 'assured' that they've successfully 'attached' themselves to a chosen target, they feel like that's IT. They've permanently succeeded. If you start talking about ending things later - it can then transform into a no-boundaries, no-holds-barred, all-out competition for them. It is of the utmost importance to sociopaths that they WIN. At ALL costs. IF you're dealing with a full-blown sociopath, it's not that they are "superhuman', or 'indestructible'. It's just that their rage will overpower your threats of incarceration, physical pain, and even the imminent possibility of death to 'win the game'. Adrenalin becomes a huge factor with sociopaths when they become enraged. Adrenalin can become like an incredibly powerful stimulant, painkiller, and 1000 immediate injections of steroids all at once.
If you're involved with a sociopath, you'll ignore what I'm telling you at your own peril. Any people here who are advising others to confront a TRUE sociopath in ANY way are giving out TERRIBLE advice. Sociopathy isn't just a "simple mental problem", like OCD or depression. It is better described as the very CORE of who they are. The only real way for sociopaths to ever 'get better' is to totally change themselves. Take a wild guess how often THAT happens.
@somedude77 - you are absolutely correct about the advice and on confronting a 'sociopath', and I cannot agree more about this being the "very CORE of who they are."
DeleteI totally agree as well. The only way to get away from/break up with a true sociopath is to run as fast and as far away as possible. You will fear the manipulative revenge - s/he will try to convince your friends and family that you are a terrible crazy person. Maybe s/he has belongings of yours that you don't want to lose. You have to let that stuff go for your own mental sanity. Your family and friends will see one day -- they probably already see -- that the spath is abusive. So think only of yourself when you leave - don't think of him/her (don't listen to his/her threats of suicide, for example), don't think of what others will say or think, don't think of money you will lose, think about your own survival and just GO.
DeletePlaying games with the spath will never work and you will suffer more. I lucked out and my spath moved away (where I was going to soon join her, after finishing school), so I had the physical distance necessary for me to have the strength to leave. She then acted like she was the one who wanted to break up with me - of course - but that physical distance really helped me ignore her manipulation and never be convinced I was the one who was wrong. Also, she left some other hurt people behind (one who actually informed me that my spath was a sociopath - I'd never realized that!), who I was able to go to in times of weakness, for them to remind me not to fall for her psychological tricks again.
This topic (how to break up) is really close to my heart - for about 3 years after leaving my spath, I had recurring nightmares where I was back dating her and trying *desperately* to break up with/leave her. In the dreams, I was trying to figure out how to literally get away. How to pack my things when she was out of the house, how to leave the house/town when she wasn't looking. So, obviously that was the hardest part of the relationship, for it to stay with me like that! Knowing (on some level) I needed to leave but not knowing how. I was psychologically imprisoned. If she had not moved away, I am confident I would still be with her. I am living a normal, healthy life with a normal, healthy girlfriend now - that would not have been possible without physically getting away from her.
Sociopaths do not change....ever! They are completely disgusting beings & a big fat waste of life... they will hurt anyone! It could be there own children even if they are special needs, you, his or her own mother...it is really unbelievable that there are so many of these predators out walking amongst us. In my case I have a young son that I plan to protect from ever knowing that his father is not capable of loving him. He was married before he met me and with her he has a blind daughter with other motor skill issues....the only reason he has seen her in like 2 yrs was to get her soc sec # from her special school so he could claim her on his income taxes. We are broken up but I am still currently dealing with this break-up because allthough he does not want to be with me he also does not want to see me happy or "ok" without him. I've moved on & I just do not tell him or he will put me through an emotional form of hell! If u r with a sociopath RUN! Do not look back, do not play games, do not seek revenge! It is not worth it, THEY DO NOT CARE!! You think you love them but I promise you will one day see that this person never loved you & that is even more disturbing after being in the relationship for a longer period of time. Sociopaths can't be fixed or sometimes even diagnosed because they are such good manipulators. Don't think you are going to be the "ONE" person on this earth that finally makes a breakthrough & cures this mental illness.
ReplyDeleteI need some advice or insight to guide me. I am a psychology major and started reading books on the topic of sociopathic personalities after taking an abnormal psychology class shortly after moving in with my boyfriend. That class came at the right time, I had started realizing there was some kind of mental imbalance in him. He is undoubtedly a textbook sociopath, and I am embarassed to say I am still struggling to break it off completely going on 4 years now. I have insane stories to tell, but I want to focus on a particular thing. Here is the problem: even though he has done things like stealing, lying, breaking my possessions, physically/verbally abused me and always has "justifications" for things that clearly can never be justified, I am struggling to get over the questions of self blame in my head. I know I don't deserve things like that! But I have also feel as though I am the one to always start the fight, I am suspicious and resentful of what he has done to me and my family and I pick fights. As an intelligent woman I am very aware that his behavior isn't normal, legal, or moral, and that it is intolerable. however, I feel plagued right now as I try to ignore him because all i can think about is that I do in fact start fights by asking questions about my suspicions and usually end up getting upset at him. when he began to show his colors years ago its like he trained me to be aggressive like him. I hate that i experienced the things i have because of him and I have more than good reason to be resentful and suspicious of this manipulator, but I worry that i am now "crazy" or unstable. Could I have been pushed to this point? Do i ask questions or accuse him as an instinct so that I can anger him and remind myself of who he is? Does anyone else have this same problem? That you know they are a sociopath but you also provoke the fights, and therefore struggle to let go fully? It's so difficult to know that I need to just leave it alone and move on because he is a cold, careless person, but when he blames everything on me (as all sociopaths do), a voice in my head reminds me that i pick the fights, and his terrible actions become minimized.
ReplyDeleteYes, I too was convinced by my spath that I was in the wrong, because I was the angry one, I was the one starting fights, etc. But, of course you are doing that, because he is making you an upset, crazy person! I was convinced that I was the one that needed to change, if I just knew how to better communicate, respond better to my spath's needs, not be angry,etc., then everything will be fine. It will never be fine. I was going to tell you to stop blaming yourself, but that's an unrealistic request, because I know you will always blame yourself while you are still with him. We all do. What you need to do is realize you want out of this crazy cycle where you're always questioning yourself. Get super self-centered and just leave. Just leave. That's all you can do. Get away, and move far away if you need to. Just do it. Nothing will ever change for the better while you are with him. Getting upset and picking fights is a normal response to someone who has psychologically abused you. Leave it in the past, and move forward without him.
Deleteim so glad i broke free ..i look in the mirror every morning and say to my self I am more without him than I was with him - the smallness came from what he did to me and now that is gone because he is gone
ReplyDeleteto anonymous, mar.15, the next post should speak volumes to you. it really takes getting completely away to realize how controlled our minds have been while in contact with a spath. accepting that you are still trying to control the outcome of this relationship by "picking fights" will be the key to your release. the spath i was with told me i was "verbally abusing" him when i was "telling it like it is". you can relate issue after issue, i'm sure, as i did when i was involved. the bottom line is decide what you want and go for it.
ReplyDelete^thank you for the response. I am, and have been, at a point of wanting to let go but have my moments of self doubt. Even though he does shitty things I hate the thought "but if i stopped making fight and being accusing him we wouldnt fight and would get along." By saying i am still trying to control the outcome do you mean that the outcome is pointless? like im wasting time picking fights over suspicions when it doesnt matter anyways?
ReplyDeleteI have another question. I have been doing a great deal of reading the past few days about this topic and am shocked and confused about a certain thing. Are most sociopaths bisexual? Many things I have read keep mentioning this, and it's something I had never considered before. All of my issues with my ex had been over women. Insight from sociopaths here or people with personal knowledge on this?
my ex did exactly the same thing to me 2 years back and till date i haunt her :D
ReplyDeleteBreakup is one point in a relationship that you do not want to happen. However, this is often part of reality and cannot oftentimes be avoided. When this happened to me, an easy and smooth life does not come easily after this. With the feelings of sadness, guilt, anger, bitterness, and the like, my life automatically become miserable. Hence, you will do anything just to get yourself out of this kind of situation, until a friend told me about this temple called obolospelltemple@gmail.com. At this point, this temple helped me a lot and get my boyfriend back to me. It is important for you to know how to get over a breakup easily, just contact obolospelltemple@gmail.com I am sandy
Deleteyou can fight with a spath "til hell freezes over" and the spath will not change. how many ways are there to say "i'm not happy with the way i feel because of your behavior?" the point is, the spath doesn't really care how you feel. the man i left was very attractive to gay men. he was being hit on all the time. whether he ever responded, i don't know. i do know that he preferred women as friends but noticed that he only used people for what he could get from them. on the surface, he seemed sincere, but the things he would say behind their backs were horrible. he told me he only needed me, no one else and that i should feel the same. it's been a year since i left him and i feel as if i've recovered, i'm much wiser now, and definitely happier with my life. i have a friend who just freed herself from a destructive relationship. her comment to me was, "i knew intuitively that it was wrong from the beginning, but didn't listen to my intuition and wasted three years." be good to yourself and listen to your inner wisdom, put yourself first. be well, be happy.
ReplyDeleteI'm not familiar with how forums work, but I'm going to give this a try. I was invloved for six months with a male socio....yes, the signs were there...he'd stare into my eyes when we first met, I mistakenly was flattered by this. Yes, he bought flowers, told a sob storey of his past. Mine wasn't the greatest either so he did learn how to mirror back to me, my own emotions.
ReplyDeleteHe told me he loved me 3 different times, but never looking at me while saying it. I told him I loved him once and looked into his eys...as I've read in other places on the net....shark eyes....black, cold, emotionless. No expression on his face either. I fell for it, for a short period of time. He hated everyone he knew including his family. Had nothing nice to say about anyone. I have a pet and when enjoying interaction with my pet, he would observe very closely. I thought he too was simply enjoying the pet also. I soon learned he was staring trying to figure out why I could have emotion for an animal. I've been fortunate enough to not have seen or heard from him in a little more that a week now. However, he blasted with approx. 80 emails telling me what a worthless person I was. He is unemployed, brags that he has moved 58 times over the course of 10 years. Brags that he calls his Mother horrible names. Of course those same names are now being put on me. No, I did not get away unscathed, although I had never lent him money and he never really got anything from me. He did suck the life blood out of me. I've now spent 2 weeks holed up in my bedroom as I am emotionally devestated that such people exist. However after spending the last few weeks researching everything on the net, youtube, Dr. James Fallon, etc. I have concluded he is not the first one I've dated.
Very sadistic. I thank my lucky stars...he was supposed to move in with me at the end of this month....thank God, we didn't make it that far.
My question, I have a very few of his possessions, do not want to call him to give them back, don't want contact at all, but I'm afraid that this will give him reason to contact me. I thought of dropping them off at the local police dept. however his family members work for the police and as much as they hate to be "outed", I have called him exactly what he is and emailed him a website describing what he is.
I outed him. Now I'm fearing the wrath that may come my way. He has made many theats to ruin me..says he's just killing time before he gets me. I've forwarded these emails to many friends so other's are aware. What do I do about his belongings...damned if I do....damned if I don't.
His verbal abuse is over the top and I fear he is capable of wasting his time in court, he's threatned me with the police...I've babbled enough here...any suggstions?
Part II I forgot to mention. He tells me his family all think he's crazy. I had not met them although was supposed a few weeks ago. I took pity on the fact that he is financilly destitute, without a vehicle and on income assistance. Normally I would not been drawn to this sort of person, however...chalked it up to the economy. He has made many threats against me. Tells me I knew nothing about him, because all he gave me was shit. Also told me, "consider yourself used up like all the other bitches." Yet he had told me he was very meek and had only 3 girlfriends in the past.
ReplyDeleteIn the 6 months we were together he has lived 3 places. When I met him, he claimed he was living with a female friend of 18 years. He tells me she evicted him because when she tried to discuss issues wtih him....don't laugh...it seems too much, but he would put his fingers in his ears and scream..la la la la. He would also put a headset in to ignore her. I thought perhaps things had just gone horiddely wrong with their friendship. He burned her on a month's rent when she evicted him and he readily admitted he stole from a friend more than once. I feel like a fool saying these things as obviuosly these are things you would not expect a person with a conscience to to. I have a very nuturing nature and yes...the cliche...thought I could help him. The biggest thing that will hold in my mind for the rest of my life were those cold black steely eyes!! Again, please somehow adivse what to do about his possessions. I did tell him I discared them in an effort to have him leave me alone. They are in total worth perhaps $60.00 but he states will take me to court and haunt and stalk me for the rest of my life....in emails. He says he's just killing time and will resurface when I expect it least. Says it won't be him attacking me but he will be in the distance laughing. He says he will spend copious amounts of money to ruin me. As he has none, I don't fell particularly threatened by this, but I do fear physical harm and misuse of the court system and police. I probably sound rather unaffected by this....not the case, just a strong woman and as mentioned have already spent 2 weeks in emense emotional pain hiding in my bedroom. I feel I have to move forward and try to have hope for the future. If I don't.....he wins. Should I just dispose of his $60.00 item? Again, damned if do, damned if I don't. I'm so grateful I was able to find this forum and read the many simular stories. Best of luck to everyone out there trying to get away and get over a situation like this....Peace, Love and Light!!!
i really wouldn't worry about his stuff right now. i would block his emails and as many have advised, have no contact. a year after my breakup with a spath, i am selling my home and while cleaning up, found some of his things. i put them in a box, stopped where he lives to drop them off, and had tried to time it when he wasn't home. but he was. he was charming and the lies started dripping from his tongue. i gave him the box, got in my car and left, no longer afraid of him, whew! and seeing him for what he is, a pathetic loser. really, the no contact is so important. you will recover. see your life the way you want it to be and the things you don't want will fall away. Maurice Goodman, in THE SECRET, related a wonderful affirmation. "I am whole,I am strong, I am powerful, I am loving, I am harmonious and I am happy." He used that affirmation to heal himself of devastating physical injuries he suffered in an airplane crash. i have used it to heal me of the damage done by the spath. took me awhile to get out of the hole, but today i am contented and happy. good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteTo the kind person above...thank you so much for your reply! I have been through many traumatic events in my life..suicide of a family member to mention one...always been a survivor. However this experience has left me like a quivering bowl of jelly. I have had counelling before and after talking to my dental receptionist today....who too had encountered spath, have concluded I'm going to reach out to my community and go for counselling again as this situation has left me terrified, not only of him, but of how to ever trust again and I'm constantly looking over my shoulder. After reading the many posts here, I now realize this is not the first one I've dated. I need help to find out why I attract them, or why they are attracted to me. I have no family, and few friends in my area, am also on disability, hence stuck at home alone 24/7 searching for human contact. I've concluded, not ready to date again until I've had some counselling. This individual has left me feeling that there are nothing but emotional vampires out there. In my heart, I know there are good people, he's just scarred my soul terribly. Thank you again for your reply and the affirmations. I will repeat them as a mantra. Another good two that helped when my Mom committed suicide was...This is a day which the lord hath made, I shall rejoice and be glad in it. Also God is good, God is guiding me, God is helping me. I'm not religious as such but do believe in a higher power and dark and light. Thank you so much reminding me to practise affirmations. I am so happy for you that you have managed to escape and recover....congradulations!!
ReplyDeletei breathed a sigh of relief for you when i read your new post...counseling will help, i'm sure. you have all the tools at your disposal to create a happier, healthy life for yourself. the more we stop telling it like it is in regard to our experience with the spath and the more we visualize how we want our lives to be, the quicker we recover and move on. good luck. hope you find a therapist who will give you all the support you need.
ReplyDeleteTo above. Thank you so much!! I just came home from our local community counselling program and I'm in the process of intake. Hope to have it under way in the next few weeks. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, but these spaths, kill us all over again. Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I have to admit, it's going to be scarey to dredge up my horrible past again....here comes the nightmares....but in the end, I can only hope to come out as a whole person again and learn how to avoid and recognize these vampires. I know I have to explore my own weakness that attracts them. Peace to you!
ReplyDeletegood for you. as far as "dredging up the horrible past", what worked for me was to write my story for myself. as i was doing it, the parts of me that needed fixing became really evident. doing what i call "verbal vomit" for someone else to dig through helped to perpetuate what i was fighting against. the last time i saw my therapist, i stayed in the present, envisioned the future i can have now that i'm free from the spath, acknowledged how my pathological need to caregive MUST be "history" and amazingly, i am recognizing that i ALWAYS put other people's wants and needs ahead of my own and can stop doing it! each new situation that comes up, i can say, is this what i really want for me? or am i people pleasing again? i am applying my own analogy that i use with clients. that is, we all have a bag of rocks to carry and most of them don't have our name on them. when we discard all the rocks that belong to someone else, amazingly, our bag is very light. so i hope you can become aware, and do as Iyanla Vanzant says, "own your own farts (rocks)" and don't sit around in someone else's fumes or carry someone else's bag of rocks. life is wonderful. enjoy it.
ReplyDeleteI just left a very violent and manipulative guy. I'm trying not to be afraid of retribution, because according to my calculations the risk of killing me would far outweigh the reward. Although one night after we had an argument he randomly left the door unlocked and had his gun loaded on his desk(both things he never normally does). On a purely intuitive level (the one I ignored so often while getting to know him) I think if I hadn't called him before walking in I would have been an 'accidental' shooting statistic. Why? Because I had annoyed him in our fight. So while I'm a little worried that the breakup will annoy him, I'm optimistic that he will spin everything around to make me seem like a heartless bitch and get extra sympathy and help where he needs it.
ReplyDeleteI haven't posted since March 29th. I haden't heard from my Spath since March 21, until today. As he promised, he is using "the system" to try to destroy and discredit me. Fortunately, I still had all his threatening emails to ruin me, and forwared them to the agency involved. I'm on high alert again. I had hoped after not hearing from him for 3 weeks, that it was all over, as I only dated him for 6 months. I continue to read everything I can on these sicko's and am now quite sure, it's not yet over. Fortunately for me, he was so stupid as to threaten me physically and threaten to "use the system" to destroy me in the many email he inundated me with when I broke up with him. Of course, I have saved them, and forwarded them to many friends in case something happens and my computer fails. I'm quite sure, that at sometime down the road, he will attempt to "make up". So far his behaviour has been exactly the epitome of the defination of socio/psychopath. I'm still doing "intake" in my counselling and hope to have it in place soon.
ReplyDeleteI wish everyone out there, dealing with these individuals nothing but peace, love and light. I can only hope, he will eventually get bored and leave me alone.
To Anonymous who posted on April 12th. Please do not underestimate his capabilites. My friends all told me he was just full of himself and liked to hear himself speak and that he would not follow through on his threats. I'm the poster above. He did not leave it alone and is following through on his threats. Please take extreme caution and understand, he is capable of harming you! Peace, Love and Light!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat do I do about the exhusband that now has my 21 yo son living with him? We've been divorced for 6 years and after my son left home and started to struggle financially my ex offered him a place to stay. I haven't had any contact with the ex for 5 years and he is now living with his ex wife (they've never remarried). He's got my son living with him to get to me because I won't acknowledge his existence anymore. We live in close proximity to one another but I've managed to avoid him for years. Changed my number, quit my job in the industry we both worked in together, ditched all the people we both know. He's done some of the most unbelievable things to try and get me to contact him. I realize my son is a grown man but he doesn't know who he's dealing with. This is not an environment any mother would want their child living in at any age. I can't get the ex to let him go so how do I convince my son he needs to leave? If my kid weren't living there I wouldn't give this asshole another thought. I've never acknowledged having any problems with him living there or anything because that would be giving him what he wants...to be acknowledged, good bad or indifferent, he just wants to be acknowledged. I know the fact that I've ignored him for all this time is what is fueling his efforts to keep my son there and away from me but giving him what he wants won't make him let my son go. Then it would be all about dragging me back into his drama. I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire but how do you explain what's happening without sounding condescending and conceited. It wouldn't matter who it was, it's not me that he's pining after, it's that he can't win me over just one more time so if he can get me to just acknowledge he still exists then he feels vindicated and won me over one last time. Whether he ends up the victim or the hero he's still got it....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! I'm not interested in living a Jerry Springer life. Anyone have any suggestions on how to get my son to see he needs to move on? He's only there out of convenience. He's made many comments to the effect that it's dysfunctional and he doesn't have much to do with any of them and that he doesn't feel like he owes them anything so he sees no harm in staying there indefinitely. He's recently started college and indicated that he wanted to come home because it would be a better place to study, etc. and I've told him whenever he's ready just let me know but I don't want to seem too eager. Please someone help me....if you have any suggestions I'd be willing to consider them.
ReplyDeleteHow scarey that after 6years, he still feels the need to "win". Sadly, your Son being 21, there is not really much you can do without, as you're already aware, inviting the Spath back into your life and we all know how that ends.
ReplyDeleteIs he the Father of your Son? I'm new to all of this, however, the only advice I can give you, is we all have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of someone else. Your Son is old enough to figure this Monster out eventually.
If your Son is wanting to return to your home, you may have won half the battle already. I can only suggest, leave the door open to your Son, without "bad mouthing" the Spath at all. At least until your Son has made the deciscion to return to your home. Then you are in a better position to explain to him what this individual is. Although he is 21 and a grown man, we both know life experience counts for a hell of a lot, and your Son is too young to have learned the many lessons that come with age.
Imho, I would allow your Son to come to his own conclusion, otherwise, the Spath will be back and with a vengance. I'm sorry I don't have more to offer you. I'm still stuck in the craziness of only 6 months with a Spath, and still wondering what is yet to come down the pike.
Take care of yourself. Peace, Love and Light.
God damn, people! If you know someone is a sociopath or psychopath, KILL THEM!!!
ReplyDeleteDo the world a favor and rid it of their genes.
If I ever find the one I was with, she's dead meat.
To Anonymouse posted Apr. 4th. Thank you for the advice. I had in the past chronicled my expereicnes and I think this might be a good thing to pass on to my counsellor. It will save at least 10 appmnts.
ReplyDeleteGood advice....Thank you.
hey, april 14...glad you are following through on this site. it goes both ways, you know, that's why i keep coming back, even though it's been a year since i've been free. i'd like to consider getting into a relationship again, finally, and just want to be darned sure that i keep the signs in mind that i ignored before. it really does bolster my spirit to keep accentuating the positive. abraham says "what you really, really want you get, and what you really, really don't want you get". be well, be happy.
ReplyDeletethat didn't sound right, a year since i've been free...since i "became free" is more appropriate, l o l.
ReplyDeleteTo April 17th 07:54 PM Anonymous...sadly we, empaths, have to deal with socio/psychopaths on this site. Although I agree with the poster, suggesting we kill socio/psychopaths....if only!!!!
ReplyDeleteYour scenario is a year in the past, and I'm so happy to hear, he seems to be just that....in the past. Wishing you Peace, Love and Light!!!
This forum sounds soooo familiar.....
ReplyDeleteI am going through a breakup with a sociopath (the word scares me, but I have to face reality).
I am a divorcee with 2 children, currently going through a break up with someone I was engaged with...his convincing abilities are amazing (he is a great lawyer). He convinced me to uproot my 2 children to live with him. Things have been going downhill shortly after we moved in. I found out 2 months ago he is chasing other women. I obviously broke up with him, but I couldnt move out right away because of my children's school. He has been begging me to reconsider non-stop for 2 months. Constants emails, texts, letters etc... he almost succeeded in convincing me to be friends. Until I figured out he was still lyling to me everyday. It has been draining beyond imagination. It is beyond my comprehension how someone can lie like this, not see a problem with it, and not care about the harm it is doing to me and my children.
I will cut lose in one week. My children would like to stay in contact with his children... whom they see in school. What should I do about this?
i have blogged here before venting and looking for advice and i wanted to share again i think im finaly getting some closure, i was in a relationship with a meth addict sociopath he lived a few houses away from me are relationship was tramatic to say the least i haave a daughter who now is almost 7 and after many physical fights emotional breakdowns i ended it, not a day went by i didnt think of him i thought what we shared was so special like we were meant to be it didnt help living so close to him moving wasnt an option 4 me and he was in a house paid 4 by his enabling parents it took all my stregnth but i avoided all contact for over a year i saw him fighting alot with 2 girls 1 was a girl he frequently cheated on me with the other a new victim, i havent been able to trust anyone or even picture myself in a normal relationship but i have kept my head held high and ignored him ,,,, until about a month ago he called my work i couldnt lie and say i didnt miss him or still love him he is still using , i dont use any hard drugs, he wanted help i reached out to him we started going on walks talking he wanted help getting rid of the girl at his house i listened tried to encourage him to better himself gave gave and gave like i always had, the girl at his house started making threats and to make a long story short last week he had come over he needs help moments later the girl from his house came over to tell us she had set his house on fire and she wanted him to leave my house and go try to get their things out of the burning house she is also a meth addict and probaly just as crazy as he is i know the mental breakdown i had endured so i could understand her insanity to a point his house burned down to nothing he didnt yell scream cry or even seem bothered in the year that had gonoe by that we werent speaking his using became worse he wasnt sleeping or eating so instead of dealing with the trajedy of the fire he went to sleep only waking to eat to delirious to try to ru his game on me i took care of him like no time had passed between us just like i always had but i had the strongest papin in the pit of my stomache the second night he was here i cam e to the realisation that the love i thought was so real was gone he was not my soul mate and had never been i didnt turn my back on him tho i believe in treating people how i want to be treated in return then the firestarter came over threatening to burn my house as well, she wasnt arrested for the arson she threatend to hurt his parents me and then the final straw my daugthter th s.p. i thought i loved more than anything just stood there didnt defend me didnt blink an eye and he went to ask her if she was ok i made him leave he didnt care his house was destroyed he didnt care that her threats very well could have come to be he was refusing to go to rehab ordered by his parents who said they will not rebuild until he does go i finaly lost hope that he would ever settle down or change and saw myself as being abused and brainwashed in the past but he no longer had that power over me it still hurt again i was mad as hell he once againn put my family in danger but atleast i know now there was no bond, now i can go back to having no contact and i wont be clining to the idea that we will reunite and he will get better i know ive rambled but i have been thru quite alot this past week, and for anyone reading i hope some how my story can help ,Brooke
ReplyDeleteMy life is back!!! After 7 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted freemercytemple@yahoo.com for help to get my husband back and after I explained all my problem, he cast the Save My Marriage Spell for me. In just 1 week, my husband came back to us. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before. Thank you Doctor messiah.
ReplyDeleteI just read through all these comments, and I must say that my heart goes out to you all.
ReplyDeleteMy situation is a little different than anything I have read here, so I am hoping for some advice on how to move forward. I ended my relationship with my girlfriend a month ago, and it wasn't until today that I figured out that she is a sociopath. We were in a relationship for a year and change, but five months ago she got pregnant. I am 90% certain that the child is mine. I would say 100, but now that all my trust is gone in her...I am leaving margin for error. Anyway, she is definitely holding our unborn child over my head, telling me she is moving 300 miles away since I kicked her out, going to give the child her last name instead of mine, etc. All classic sociopath manipulation tactics.
From everything I have read here, I need to make it a clean break. But how do I abandon my unborn child to a sociopathic mother? There is no way that I would win a custody case at this point, and her family has wealth to back her up. Do I continue to allow myself to be made miserable by her, by maintaining contact for 18 years? Just to hopefully see my child once or twice a year?
To the April 29th poster. I don't know if you're aware of the fact that socio/psycopathy is genetic. You're unborn child may be born mentally ill as well. This is something you should consider in your dilema.
ReplyDeleteA clean break is always best, however your situation is different. You have to ask yourself....how much are you willing to put up with regarding your ex to see your child of whom too may end up socio/psycopathic.
As these people are always liars, cheaters and just down right evil, there is a possibility this is not your child. I would first start with getting a Paternity test at birth. You have a right to know.
Although there is a brain scan which can determine socio/psycopathy, it's unlikely it is readily available to the general public.
I suggest you Google, Dr. James Fallon. He is a nueroscientist who is also socio/psycopathic. He studies socio/psycopaths imprisoned.
It was by fluke, this brain scan was developed and he as a scientist was invited to review the brain scans of known socio/psycophaths. These brain scans also show a predetermination for other mental illnesses. He had his brain and the brain of his family scanned to see if they were predetermined for mental illness. He then found out that his brain was socio/psycopathic.
How ironic is that? Anyway, he has several video's on Youtube speaking of the genetics.
It wasn't that long ago, that these people were taken out into the woods and shot so as not to procreate. Statics say 1-4% of the general public is a sociopath. To shed some light on the subject....2% of the population is a redhead. For every readhed you see, there is 2 to 4 socio/psycopaths.
I hope in some way this helps. Best of luck to you. You obviously have some soul searching to do.
Thanks for the information, I sure wish my situation was different, or that I had realized that I was in a relationship with a sociopath before the pregnancy. The sad thing is that it was her actions from the day she knew she was pregnant on that clued me in to the fact that there is something very, very wrong with her.
ReplyDeleteIt was less than a month later that she started going to our mutual friends behind my back and lying about me, then lying to me when I confronted her. The bombshell that actually finished the relationship was going into her email and finding that she was rekindling a relationship with ex-boyfriends, and of course lied about this as well when confronted.
Since breaking up, I have tried to figure out how in the hell she can justify any wrong doing and actually believe that she did nothing wrong. It wasn't until yesterday when I looked up pathological liars, that I was directed to sociopathy and found that every single characteristic fit her to a T!
You are right of course, I will have to do some serious soulsearching to figure out whether it would even be advantageous to my child for me to try to be a part of her life. Thanks again.
To Anon April 30 10:51...it was myself that advised you on the Paternity test. As you already know by checking her emails; other men are involved. That Paternity test may well be what gets you off the hook of having to keep this individual in your life.
ReplyDeleteI know it doesn't offer much comfort or satisfaction. It's very difficult to find out someone has been playing you the whole time you thought you were in a loving relationship, but that's all these sociopaths know.
Help! What can I do if I KNOW I am involved with a sociopath/psychopath and KNOW all of the terrible things he has done, lies told, cheating, theft of money, property and my life, but can not break free??? I have kicked him out of my life so many times only to INVITE him back in KNOWING he won't change...KNOWING he has no feelings for me, anyone else, or cares about the destruction he causes. It is as if I KNOW I am deluding myself but can not prevent my actions. Any Advice on how to approach this would be so helpful.
ReplyDeleteFind a good therapist. And ask yourself if one of your parents was a sociopath. Start there
ReplyDeletei was told the reason i didn't break from the spath i was involved with was that i was "addicted" to him. guess i was, because when i made a clean break with no contact, the freedom that came over me was unbelievable. i was a little angry to be told that, but it was the truth in my case. think about it. good luck.
ReplyDeletewhen you come a cross psychopath/sociopath? with deep rooted problems with love( looking for someone to love him) his love kills
ReplyDeleteI dated a sociopath for 3 years. He seemed to be the man of my dreams, other than his employment/financial situation. He always teated me like gold, was respectful, affectionate. I could have never imagined he would hurt a fly, let alone orchestrate the secret life he was living. By a fluke email hack and spam on his account I came in contact with another woman claiming to also be dating him. We met, compared notes, texts, emails, pictures and videos. The picture became very clear. This guy had not had an honest day with me from day one. He was texting other girls while he was at my house. Told dramatic, sympathy inducing stories as reasons for why he couldn't be with her...which reminded me of similar stories he told me in the past! Hindsight is 20/20, and I starting thinking of all the things that had bothered me, but that I pushed out of my mind. I didn't want to be the paranoid girlfriend! He used my trip to the hospital to get stitches as part of his web of lies to yet a third woman. His entire life is lived day to day around lies and schedules with who knows how many women.
ReplyDeleteWhen I told him I knew and had seen photos, texts, emails and videos, he still didn't bat an eye, continuing his lies and trying to convince me that all the evidence was fake. He will never break from the "character" he has created. It enrages me still. But, although I know he chose me because of my kind and trusting nature, I am not stupid. The minute I was finished talking with this other woman I read up on sociopaths, cancelled my credit card and had my locks changed...all before I told him it was over. When he came to give me my key back and take his things I didn't respond to anything he said. I didn't even shed a tear in front of him. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. The other woman emailed him yesterday as I think she needed closure. She wanted to make him realise what a horrible thing he'd done to us. I know it will make no difference to him. The third woman I met wants to ambush him all together to try to embarass him or force him to confess the truth...I have to admit it is tempting, but I have told myself again and again that it is pointless. Even tonight, after reading his response to the other woman's email, proclaiming his love for me and that talking to her was a mistake (he never admits anything more than talking to her), I feel urges to send one final email telling him exactly what I think he is, and telling him everything that I found out about his lies. But logic tells me the way I ended it was as much power as I'll ever take from him, and that giving him the chance to lie to me again will just give him the power back. So I came here instead. To find the strength and advice that helped me through this 2 weeks ago. No contact is hard. Extremely hard.
Unlike most of the stories I've read, he has never said a bad word to me, never had the abusive side that so many seem to have. He never moved in with me because it would have messed with his schedule too much. He got small amounts of support from many different women. I think he's too smart to be abusive and try to get all his financial support from one person. What's worse is I think his mother knew all along on some level. She treated me like a daughter, yet she let him deceive me. She will keep enabling him and he will keep destroying women. That's what makes me furious. Is there nothing that can be done to stop him? Why can't there be some list, like sex offenders, to report these people to?