A lie is an allurement, a fabrication that can be embellished into a fantasy. It can be clothed in the raiment of a mystic conception. Truth is cold, sober fact, not so comfortable to absorb. A lie is more palatable. The most detested person in the world is the one who always tells the truth, who never romances… I found it far more interesting and profitable to romance than to tell the truth.
-- Joseph Weil, aka ‘The Yellow Kid’
Few would disagree that the world would be deadly dull (and harsher) without skilfully-employed confabulations: romance chief among them to be sure, but also good fiction, games, role-playing, etiquette, a damned big chunk of what passes for philosophy, white lies, and noble lies, for example.
ReplyDeleteThe rub seems to arrive at differences in opinion about precisely where the legitimate boundaries for such departure lie (no pun intended). Even for people of conscience this boundary is to an extent a moving target, shifted about in direct consequence to passions and perceived self-interest at a given moment.
One indeed would not be too far afield to say that the human brain for the largest majority of people who have ever drawn breath is little more than sophistry incarnate. 'Truth' as some transcendental good to be lauded rather than despised is a perspective worthily credited to only the smallest fraction of unique and brave thinkers in the whole history of human beings. The rest of us (to the extent we agree) have simply adopted the resulting meme (eg, the scientific method, secular philosophy, logic). Schopenhauer wasn't kidding when he said that truth passes through three stages: first, it is ridiculed; second, it is violently opposed; third, it is accepted as self-evident. A lot of people have become literal BBQ so that we could today accept the self-evidence of Enlightenment principles.
But back to romance...
During the long childhood of our species if the bushes moved it must have been a ghost or goblin, and the belief itself 'was' the reality. 'Truth' as something that can be distinct from this has a tissue-thin history: shameless self-delusion and other-delusion have been the historical and pre-historical mainstays. Our ethical paradigms sprang forth from those dark aeons of paranoia and wish-thinking, though I don't think this inconvenient truth invalidates them altogether. Romance is perhaps the best reason for this - a visceral reward for embracing ideals and values that may have no other merit than nostalgia. In this we come full circle from our primitive antecedents, though unlike them we are ennobled by our self-awareness that romance is the form and not the substance - the verb and not the noun. Perhaps in romance both socios and empaths can arrive at a mutual understanding, and perhaps it can serve as a vehicle for an appreciation, if not comprehension, of the moral.
-Dr Whom
Few would disagree that your comment is deadly dull.
ReplyDeleteDr Whom,
ReplyDeleteSo are you saying that our 'ethical paradigms' (or what I think of as our notion of a 'sacred morality') came AFTER wishful-thinking (imagination) and paranoia to imply that one was the catalyst for the other?
We can both agree that they perpetuate themselves, yes?
One thing I've found to be quite fun is to take a lie that a chronic liar makes, and add to it. A malignant-narcissist friend of mine, Alice, came to me angrily after a meeting. Her real reason for being angry was that I'd prevented her from manipulatively steering the meeting. The reason she gave was that I had steered the meeting using intimidation tactics. She said that a third person, Laura, had been really intimidated in that meeting by my aggressive behavior, and that I really had to work on this aggressiveness - especially toward women.
ReplyDeleteI was fairly certain (and confirmed for sure later) that Alice had not in fact spoken to Laura, that Laura had felt no such thing, and that this was just an attempt to manipulate me into feeling guilty. As an experiment, I told Alice that Laura had come to me afterward telling me about the conversation.
Alice couldn't call me on my lie without outing herself for lying in the first place, which she wasn't willing to do. So instead all she said was, "What did she say?"
I told her simply, "We worked it out. She feels comfortable that I won't intimidate her again."
This was delightful. We were building up on a lie, and making her accusations look more and more ridiculous on one level. But she wasn't willing to leave the other level, her world-of-lies, in which she maybe had lost power, but at least was honest. :)
Later on she was able to get some power back by turning my move against me, and pointing out that all three of us agreed that I was intimidating, especially toward women. She wanted to give me some coaching on how to behave in an egalitarian and feminist manner.
I knew she was just trying to shame and intimidate me again, and that she in fact knew nothing about "egalitarian and feminist manner". So I pulled out my datebook and set a precise time with her when we could meet for my "education". I knew this was the last thing she wanted, and although she left acting smug, she didn't show up for the meeting. Not wanting her to later accuse me of dodging her, I hunted her down and had the "meeting", in which she decided it would be fine for me to learn these skills on my own, maybe with some guidance from Laura.
All in all it was quite enjoyable building lies on the other person's lies. I look forward to trying this with a sociopath sometime, though I suspect I'll have to be much more crafty to get it to actually it work.
"One indeed would not be too far afield to say that the human brain for the largest majority of people who have ever drawn breath is little more than sophistry incarnate."
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely choice of words. It's all the more impressive because it's accurate. Very nice.
Thanks for clarifying your ideas Sarah. I'm no expert, however your reply doesn't entirely satisfy me. I respond to your opinions with some counter opinions. I'd be grateful if you'd suggest some readings.
ReplyDeleteSarah writes:
But the science doesn't back the theory of 'awakened narcissist' up. There are many reasons why this is not a reasonable conclusion, one being that they have completely different pathologies. That's a big one.
Not all the experts agree with your analysis that narcissists and sociopaths having completly different pathologies. Otto Kernberg suggests that psychopathy is at the high end of the narcissism spectrum.
In my own experience, I have played mind games with both narcissists and sociopaths, and I have found them pretty similar to deal with. Both get fooled by me acting amiable and ignorant, and subtlety setting up trap(s). The main difference has been that I have to set things up more carefully with the sociopath, who is more consciously calculating.
Narcissism progresses as a disorder throughout a person's life. Which reinforces the idea that it IS a disorder correctly characterized as a 'personality' disorder. Sociopathy, if presented, is stable in both it's spectrum and manifestations.
It occurs to me that once a narcisist were to become "awakened" - or free of guilt - the nature of the "disorder" might change considerably. It might not continue to progress in a way comparable with that of ordinary narcissism.
This implies it is organic, and not developed - at least the root of the disorder. Perhaps it's manifestations can be impacted by environment.
It seems many experts believe the environmental manifestation (as well as the genetic) is a significant part of sociopathy. This would suggest that at a young age a child is not fully a sociopath. It seems plausible (though I am not claiming certainty here) to me that the child first goes through a narcissist-phase. It may be that for genetic reasons some people at this point are able to suppress all their guilt and become sociopaths, while many others with different genetic makeup are not and remain narcissists.
Like schizophrenia, where there is a discrepancy in the severity, or prominence, between two clusters, there is a corresponding genetic or biological difference that are found consistently in these clusters. It's not 'proof' of cause and effect, but it shows there is a relationship that implies that or something similar.
I'd be interested in you further elaborating, or suggesting a reading about this.
And to be very honest about the so called 'denial' it seems that sociopaths go through...it's not self deception. It's just a result of being socially retarded and rejecting the totally foreign and seemingly random cause and effect imposed by the dominant moral system. When I was a kid, I remember rejecting that I caused someone pain or hurt, not because I had some need to believe I was too good to cause someone else pain-denial of who I was- I just didn't see HOW x caused y and so just shrugged it off as, "They can't possibly FEEL that way." Some sociopaths never grow out of that, and never understand that they are different and so reject the consequences and disbelieve the emotional reactions out of a deficiency or inability to apply the abstract thought necessary to consider the possibility of another reality or perspective than one's own. No one ever said that sociopaths can't be stupid.
Your childhood memories are informative, and certainly paint a plausible view. They're not conclusive however. Memory research by people such as Karim Nader suggests that our memories subtly change each time we access them. This would suggest that many of your childhood memories have by now been greatly modified. It's possible you did feel guilt as a child, but have since modified the memory. Since you aren't aware of what guilt even feels like, it would not be surprising if it has been edited it out of your memories.
Whoops. The above posting was meant for the "Why I am M.E." post.
ReplyDelete1st 20112. Suck it up.
ReplyDelete"Long before I ever met the Yellow Kid, I had heard of him. His adventures fascinated me. I had a yen to know the inside story behind those fabulous tales I heard and read in the newspapers."
ReplyDelete22.4.3...72.2.1...152.1.2...16.2.2...78.4.1...189.8.2
"Several has reached the Elysium description"?
Delete?????????
Interesting that Anon3:29 calls etiquette a lie.
ReplyDeleteI am talking to my Mal Narc mother, again.
She is, actually, seeing how she has been very narcissistic, but still will not admit what she did to me. However, the larger point is that all narcissism is lies and etiquette is a lie, too.
If I have one dream from my fathers( ~ Obama) it is to be able to see through lies. I feel like I swim in them. The worst place I swim in lies is my own head. I despair of ever dispelling them and seeing clearly.
You can't just throw them away because like a tumor which has wrapped around an essential organ, you may kill the patient when you remove it. Sometimes, they let it stay ~
Don't excuse yourself from what's going to hurt you by saying it will kill you. The necessary pains you must go through aren't going to change while you continue to lie to yourself like that.
DeleteIt is very hard for me to face the kind of person I am down deep i.e. super selfish, envious, petty et al
DeleteIts hard for anyone to face the person they are deep down... that's why its deep down.
DeleteVery profound, Kany. I like your style.
DeleteKany
DeleteYou amaze me, at times. I think you should be the recipient of the Franklin F and Eric Fomentile Award.
You said the other day you wanted to discuss something? I have been mostly on the forums if at all lately, so I haven't had the chance to see if you're trying to back track. Though I get the impression you are. But how are you? I know that dramatic work incident didn't work the way you'd hoped. How's talking to your mother going? Can I get a synopsis?
DeleteWell, I'm confused. Every time Monica does something evil or mean at some point she acts like this wounded bird and then comes Kany, Mudusa or Zoe to the rescue. What's this?
DeleteThanks for asking, Kany.
DeleteActually, wonderful things are happening. I stood up to someone. I had a lot to lose and I risked it all. This man stayed on my side and I got a tremendous boost of confidence. This opened a whole new vista for my career, which will expand it, quite a bit.
I called my mother. She is a therapist, as you know, I think. She admitted how narcissistic she had been with me, and my brother.
She was crying. I told her that the only way I could get over my own emotional issues was to have total honesty in myself and my life, as much as possible.
I do not want to hurt her, but I must be able to be honest. She agreed.She does love me. Love means a lot.
What did I want to ask you? I forgot.
Please check down, here, once in a while. It was important, as I thought you would have wisdom on the situation but then so many things came up that I forgot.
Love you ( I know that is akin to throwing a bomb on here ~ )
Aw, Monica, you're transferring.
DeleteI find it very interesting that you talked to your mother, and I'd like to know more how that conversation went. Have you been able to confront her about her molesting you?
I'm happy for you that the friend stayed on your side, too. I'm honestly surprised by that, because I know in the situation you were stirring things up.
Is this the first time you've been able to talk to your mother like that? In such an adult way?
In general, the way you're describing yourself here makes it sound like youre making good decisions, but I'd like more details so we can see for certain. You're never very specific and that worries me a bit about whether you're telling yourself lies by summing things up. With details its harder to lie to yourself and twist facts, but when you're summing things up it can be so easy to draw a picture you want. I don't mean telling details like names or ages, but perhaps tell a story. Like some key points in the conversation with your mother. Or so e conversations with the man who helped you and what the woman did to make you stand up to her.
DeleteThe most detested person in the world is the one who always tells the truth, who never romances…
ReplyDeleteWho is it that is the most detested on this blog? Think of the one person on this blog you detest the most, and I wonder if it will be for the same reason as this quote has suggested. Do you detest them because they tell you the truth about yourself, or are you lying to yourself about the truth about them? Is there truth to be found at a blog for sociopaths? Is it all just skin deep here?
Any capacity of truth found here will be minimal because the game plays on,,,,,,,,True transparency on any level is deceit masked once again and implying that people hate or detest others here because of the inability to face or accept truth about themselves or others is absurd because we can be or see whatever we wish, we can portray an illusion that makes you think we are what we are not.,,,,,,so who am I really? who are any of us? Everything's an illusion right? What is truth? What's true for you is not necessarily true for me, or is it? I don't detest anyone for inducing introspection but giggle that an assumption of diagnosis could be entertained in a room full of chameleons
DeleteThat's deep, man. Far out, bro.
DeleteOr its bollocks and you're young. Facts are what they are.
Funny how it`s always liars that talks about the beauty of lying, the neccesity of it.
ReplyDeleteEveryone lies, some just more than others.
DeleteYou are hardly going to get far in life if you don't lie at least a little. When someone asks you how you are, for example, they don't generally want the truth "Oh OK I guess. The neighbour's dog crapped all over my yard and I stepped in it, the washing machine is broken, and right now I don't feel like talking to you because you annoy me" They just want the standard "great thanks, and you?"
What if a woman asks you "do I look fat in this?" or a man "am I the best lover you ever had?" The truth will usually not be pretty, so you are looking down the barrel of a lot of unnecessary unpleasantness.
I find no reasons to lie. I tend to stay quiet or speak the truth... in general I'm no fun at all to be with, I'm sure. But I have a few close friends who put up with it, and I appreciate them more than the dramatic that flock to lies and fluff. My friends and family are used to me, and I think they talk about me behind my back, but they love me despite themselves. I think they like my social disregard. And it doesn't matter anyways, in my experience. People won't hear the truth if they don't want to. No matter how much you give them.
DeleteSociety could never work without lies. Even people who race to claim the moral high ground and denounce liars tell lies on a regular basis. Just not the "bad kind"
ReplyDeleteIf no one told lies, everyone would have Tourette's Syndrome
ReplyDeleteI had a professor with Tourette's.
DeleteHe was rad.
;)
Deletehttp://youtu.be/PsD-XZvYu20
WOW Medusa
DeleteThat must have been a blast~
why did you like him, MEdusa? I also dated man with Tourette's
DeleteHi, my name is Rich and I had 2 experiences with sociopaths.......... I dated both of them (females). The first one was diagnosed and everything and the second pone was almost exactly the same but with MANY more Narcissistic traits so iam thinking she may just be a hardcore narcissist........
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I want to learn more about this and them.
I guess I identify and consider myself an "Uber-Empath" but I can understand why sociopaths feel the way they do (because of my large amount of empathy for all people)........
Do anyof you guys or girls that are sociopaths want to be my friend so we can talk and have (hopefully) intelligent conversations on the difference between the two of us......... Also, iam not just looking for sociopaths to be my friend but iam interested in ANYBODY who is has a "Cluster B" personality disorder........ I want to compare their thinking to mine and see how different we really are, and we may not be too different at all.......
So does anybody want to be my friend?
Uber-Empath
DeleteSo that's what men without balls call themselves these days.
Maybe so....... Are you a sociopath? I guess if you are "Caring or Empathy = Weakness" so I can understand why you feel that way.......
DeleteI dont understand why if I have no balls I hook up with 80-90% of the women I know, they almost seem to be taken in by me like iam a sociopath....... Honestly, ive never understood why either, I just be and act like myself and they start liking me.......
Iam a good looking guy just a little overweight and women still dont seem to mind, they treat me as if iam a guy with a chizeled hot body, but I think it is because of my personality and acceptance of all people for what they truly are without judgement.........
Is that a sociopathic tendancy or not?
Did you just psychoanalyze me for calling you a pussy?
DeleteRich......if you are coming here for a friend,,,,,I would highly advise Finding the sharpest knife you can find, hold it aiming towards yourself and run.....with any luck, you will trip and fall on it
DeleteMonica.........all the way!
DeleteMonica is not a man. What is the matter with youze?
DeleteShe's an "IT."
DeleteMonica rocks and rolls, GURL.
DeleteMonica is a rock that rolls.
DeleteLOL @ "Anonymous" I dont think falling on a knife will do any good for m, but thamk you for your opinion........ Obviously sociopaths are very agressive for no reason, I was just trying to find a friend to talk to...... Is that so wrong?
DeleteI bet you would like a friend who accepts you for who you are, and maybe that can be me, as long as you arent an asshole to me for no reason.
With rolls.
Delete.............let me.........get.............this....
Delete..
.....
............
........................
..straight
..
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............Yoi thimk.......
..............................................
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.,.that.....................................................you....
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............................................................................................didnouthing....................
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.
.
.
.
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.........to.........warrant..............
...aggression?.....................................................................................................
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.
.
...
In case I was being too cryptic and clever, you're a cunt.
Delete^^^^
DeleteTheme for RichLookingForFriends
ReplyDeleteLOL What theme would that be?
ReplyDeleteClick on the Green writing on "Themes for SW Regulars" on the second post
ReplyDeleteCan you link me to it? I cannot seem to find it for some reason.........
ReplyDeleteI knew people like TNP (AKA THe Notable Path) would be fucking with me for no reason so it was expected, but I just wanted to have a serious conversation with some for you guys/girls, any of you...........
I will accept you for who you are as long as you dont hurt me.........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w9xk4hUKoQ&feature=related
ReplyDeleteLOL! Now I know what you mean!!!!! I have always liked Mister rogers since I was little........... Maybe that makes me a "Pussy empath" but do you really think I care? I am who I am and Iam not going to change............ At least you had something funny to add though....
DeleteTNP seems like a very bitter person who probably feels cheated out of their life and childhood....... WAH FUCKING WAH TNP, shut your fucking mouth and get on with it............
Awww Mr Rogers.
DeleteDo you people ever get angry when Monica has fooled you? lol
ReplyDeleteTNP- I never attempted to psychoanalyze you.......... You said to me "Uber-Empath So that's what men without balls call themselves these days."
ReplyDeleteYou never called me a pussy......... You said I didnt have balls because I have Empathy and caring for other human beings which to MOST sociopaths= WEAKNESS.
Do you view a caring man that has empathy and caring for others as a "Pussy"?
If so, why is that?
Is it because anybody who dosent have empathy or care for others is a "hard-ass"????
Iam just trying to understand your point of view...... Please explain.
Mmmmm
DeleteNope.
Figure it out.
I like your question, Rich the uber-empath. Stick around. And for fuck's sake, stop asking TNP why sensitivity is unattractive. Ask the gals.
DeleteI suggest you keep talking about being a pussy with no balls, etc, etc.
LMAO CEO
DeleteAlso, BT, I like Monica, she is more HONEST AND REAL than most of you so called sociopaths..........
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha Eden. Eat your hat. Thank you, Rich. I am not a sociopath, so did not try to answer! x
ReplyDeleteNo problem Monica......I have been reading this site for a long time and you are a sweetheart........ But, just like me (because iam an "Uber-empath") you get dogged on and made to feel bad for no reason other than being a nice, caring human being, which is rare these days.......... I take Monica more seriously than I take any of you trying to bring me down because I have empathy for the human race.........
DeleteMonica, you are a nice, rare, caring person on this site of sadists, sociopaths, psychopaths, and people who have no identity at all........
I praise you for being here so long and taking the rude/mean comments of sociopaths with a grain of salt, like you should........
Honestly, I identify with MONICA more than I identify with anybody else on here so far....... She seems like a good person who actually cares about others because that is just how she is, much like myself.
God, TNP, where are you? This is pathetic
DeleteAnon @ 4:21 You are fucking pathetic............. Grow up........
DeleteGee, Monica, your Mr. Rogers has a potty mouth?
DeleteMonica can't swear because Gungy said she was a bad Christian.
DeleteIt's pathetic enough to not really need commentary, Anon. They're doing all my work for me at this point.
DeleteWhat did I do to warrant aggression besides you being aggressive for no reason because of your antisocial personality????? Please tell me..........
ReplyDeleteSomeone has to be pathological to call you on your bullshit?
DeleteRED ALERT! Enact NARC-CON 5!
We're going down!!1
LOL!
DeleteTNPSeptember 16, 2012 3:54 PM
ReplyDeleteMonica is a rock that rolls.
What you be talking about, TNP?
I'm calling you a fat bitch that is proficient at rolling around, thanks to the wonders of physics.
DeleteCheers!
You are so mean, TNP. I am skinny *sticks out tongue*
DeleteThat was a compliment.
DeleteIf you don't want to be aerodynamic and friction resistant, then fine.
OK I LOVE compliments. I am a Narcissist, after all :D
DeleteMonica,
DeleteA covert malignant narcissist?
Everyone is fucking something, dipshit, unless you are perfect, that is ~
DeleteAnd you are asswipe.........
DeleteAnon 1:11
DeleteAnd quite evil......
Yo momma is fat and smeeels
DeleteMonica 1:49
DeleteAnd how can you blame this on Eden?
You're, also, the biggest liar that has ever posted here.
Yo momma has to be cut out of her pants when she shops for clothes at Wal Mart.
DeleteMonica, projecting, huh?
DeleteYou are no match for me. Concede, bitch.
DeleteFuck you! You evil bitch!
DeleteWhen a person cannot defend himself, he sinks to cursing tsk tsk
DeleteWho cares both are boring.
ReplyDeleteSo I went to a wedding today, and it was actually pretty fun. Missus, you were right!
ReplyDeleteThe dress fiasco was horrendous. I was crippled towards the third hour. I just can't do heels, not for the life of me. The straps were too loose, my dress too big around the waist, and I didn't have enough tits to fill the bust area. Other than me being a hot mess, the whole thing was pretty sweet and entertaining.
I'm glad you had a good time despite your dress. My bridesmaid changed so she could be more skanky right after the service. She wanted more skin showing than our theme permitted, which was a little frustrating, but all in all, despite attire, weddings are fun. When you're in them, anyway. Attending can be pretty boring.
Deletewas there dancing, Piles?
DeleteYeah, if I were one of the folks sitting I would have been annoyed and falling asleep, but I was the dress fluffer. The whole time she was up there trying not to cry I was battling a fly that kept attacking my sisters bouquet. I had a great time. It was nice to see two people so happy together, and the bride's dress was beautiful.
DeleteThere was one whale there that had on black lipstick, and her kankles were so thick it was hard to figure out where her actual ankles were supposed to be. There weren't any whores there, some serious pot heads though and drunks, but no whores, kinda disappointed in that.
Anon, yes, there was dancing. It got really awkward when my stepfather started smacking my sister's ass though.....don't know what was going on with that...
that is a great description. Were there many speeches?
DeleteWeird things happen at weddings.
You should have harpooned her and sold the blubber.
DeleteI guess the more important question to your semi-incestuous quandary is, did she stop him?
TNP, I would have LOVED to have harpooned her, her face offended me. I think she noticed my harsh looks because she frowned back at me then avoided eye contact for the rest of the night.
ReplyDeleteWith the semi-incest bit.....no, she didn't, but after all was done, she walked over to table one, looked confused for a while, then said "You know, that was really awkward dancing with him like that, I mean.....he's my dad."
Anon, there were speeches, and some crying. They were all terrible. My sis was kinda funny because she pointed out that it was strange for her to be seeing her cousin and best friend getting married......wow, not making my family sound to good here, am I?
I'm picturing a dingy rowing up to a gigantic Gothapotamus (Google it) with the crew from Moby Dick - with the strange addition of a beaver in heals instead of Captain Ahab.
DeleteLMFAO!
DeleteYes, that is why authors like Brad(blair?) blanton and followers with their radical honesty will never get anywhere.
ReplyDeletePeople don't want to know the truth in a lot of cases.
Talking about the lie as romance and people believing the lies they are fed made me think how sometimes the person being lied to is actually aware of the truth. They just don't want to let on that they know and play along. Maybe its because they don't want to anger or lose the liar by confronting them and creating conflict. They are not deceived. They pretend to swallow it to keep the peace.
ReplyDeleteyep
Deleteincidentally, i asked my ex what he wanted me to do when he lied. he said to call him on it and he would fess up. This, after the break up.
DeleteOn another note, in the very beginning of our affair, i told him straight up that he was a shitty liar and that if i wanted to lie he'd never know it.
I think in general when people like their prey, they warn their prey. It's only fair.
Some liars are obvious, makes it more fun to play. It's funny watching them continuing with the lie. Digging themselves in further while you roll your eyes and pretend to believe them.
DeleteWho cares what lies the ex told, he's gone now. Time to get a better toy I say.
yes.
DeleteIts easy for me to look at weird shit I have done and determine a personality based on anothers.
I like to look to my past to see what worked and what didn't.
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