I search articles on sociopaths all the time. Not just for this blog, but to try to examine the dangers lurking beneath my surface. Sometimes I can't even see them. Up to a few years ago I wasn't even aware they existed. I don't expect normal people to understand. Nor do I expect anything but loathing on their part for who I am. This is M.E.
Through surviving it all I've learned to how to live in my own kind of balance. As cliche as it sounds, I live two lives. One normal. One not so normal. Almost two people. Sociopaths on this site understand this. The comments reflect what would happen if you don't keep the charade going. Sometimes I feel like telling people how I really feel about them and their petty morals. Throwing the mask into the water. I reached a boundary.
I used to be self destructive. A daily ritual of thrill seeking. My parents would blame everything around me for it. My teachers. My environment. The police. My friends. How much more easier it was for me to continue the blame. I never fooled myself beyond what I need to in order to keep deceit believable. Like burying the truth deep inside. Just on the edge of self deceit. Only to pull the truth out when I just about believed my own bullshit. I reached a boundary.
This is how I've been able to function. Right on the edge. I've almost killed myself several times. Not by my own hand of course. I love myself far too much for that. Just by the consequences of my actions. The funny thing is I hate gambling, but I love risking everything and finding my way out of it. However I've never destroyed myself. Just when I was on the edge I caught myself and got out of it. I reached a boundary.
The only way I've made it is by recently developing my own boundaries. It isn't moral like a code of ethics, but more of something to survive my own tendencies. Keeping me alive and free. I think this is essential for sociopaths in their development and this blog can help sociopaths achieve that. It's not hard to see where others have failed and why. The horror stories you read of out-of-control sociopaths running amok. It's what has led normals to develop the term, and has led some (maybe hurt by our peers) to come on this site and criticize us. To justify who you are is pointless. They don't understand. They serve their purpose on knowing what they will view you as when you lose yourself. They don't know you. You know yourself. That is your boundary.
If you are to make it it will be because you learn how to keep the mask on. If you are to make it, it will be because you learned from your mistakes and others. If you are to make it, it is because you understand. Understanding is understanding your boundaries.The problem for sociopaths in the past has always been they can't learn from others mistakes because others are not like them. I had the luxury of living among people who are sociopaths. In the environment I lived it was about yourself. About me. And I can always relate to a narcissist.
I wont go into details about my own boundaries because I know better than to expect a sociopath to live by anyone elses boundaries but their own. I know the fact that most of you have no boundaries because I didn't. Some of you are successful. Some of you aren't. Some of you live among society. Some of you are criminals. All of you are trying with everything you can not to have the mask drop for everyone to see what they think is uglyness and you view as the only true beauty. Your boundaries are the mask. Those boundaries is what makes me M.E.
I don't understand why some sociopaths, of all people, keep on living. Surely with an entirely logical viewpoint one would realise the meaninglessness of everything, and that anything they do is merely to change the chemicals in their brain.
ReplyDeleteI have been to that point quite a few times. When I get bored with everything and everyone, sometimes the only solution is good drugs :)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteEverything is only meaningless if you have no overaching objective. You do not need others to create that objective for you, you can simply do it yourself. Set an impossibly high goal and strive towards it; at the very least you have something to do, at and most, you gain what we all crave the most.
Deletethe only logical thing to do for me is to kill myself. But it's not in me. Just like depression is not in me.
Deletethe unbearable lightness of being is the sociopath's enemy that can never win
DeleteSo you’re saying we all need our own version of “The Code of Harry”? lol
ReplyDeleteInteresting post. I can see the wisdom of it. The environment determines evolutionary fitness, so to speak, and our environment is other people. As much as we may hate it, the bottom line is they outnumber people like us. That’s part of the reason we’ve had to adapt, to pay very close attention their cues, their nuances, their psychology. (After all, it’s our psychology that makes our experience of the world so vastly different than theirs.) So I can see that part of successfully adapting to our environment would be to enclose certain ways of thinking and behaviors within carefully constructed boundaries. By successful adaptation I mean avoiding a life spent in public institutions (prison, jail, mental hospitals and so on) against one's will or premature death at the hands of crazed mobs demanding ‘justice’ AND enjoying one’s self as much as possible.
As cliche as it sounds I live two lives. One normal. One not so normal. Almost two people. Sociopaths on this site understand this.
Yup.
Sometimes I feel like telling people how I really feel about them and their petty morals. Throwing the mask into the water. I reached a boundry.
Using this definition, I suppose that’s a boundary for me as well. It is futile to reveal to someone else that their morality is so often individually useless for one thing. They can’t see it. For another, how does it serve me to score a point for my ego in the long run? It doesn’t. Arguments, especially the rational and factual ones, only breed resentment rather than understanding in my offline world.
To justify who you are is pointless. They don't understand. They serve their purpose on knowing what they will view you as when you lose yourself. They don't know you. You know yourself. That is your boundry.
Yup again.
If you are to make it it will be because you learn how to keep the mask on. If you are to make it, it will be because you learned from your mistakes and others. If you are to make it, it is because you understand. Understanding is understanding your boundries.
I think this could be one place where some trip themselves up. They hate the notion of having to ‘wear a mask’ as it were. Anybody with brains can see the reality of human society, especially those who are outside of it due to their biology and the upbringing. Why should the outsider have to dissemble for the mindless masses that are the insiders? The truth is, you don’t have to. But if you don’t, if you make overt wart with the normals, they’ll incarcerate you or worse. That’s the reality of it. I don’t choose incarceration. It sounds depressing. Why not use their precious rules to your advantage instead?
Thought provoking post M.E.
Anon:
ReplyDeleteWhy, from an entirely logical viewpoint, would one decide to stop living just because everything is meaningless? It does not necessarily follow. Secondly, your point about changing one’s brain chemistry is as true for normals as it is for sociopaths. So what’s your point?
Anon,
ReplyDeleteThe meaningless of everything???
Wow. That's a little overwrought.
Anyway, meaning isn't something you observe or experience. It's something you give. It's subjective by definition. You don't take it, you give it. There's no fixed truth, universal bullshit to discover. Things mean what you say they mean...it's a tool to uncover what you value as a person or what someone else values.
But maybe were trying to describe futility? The individual impact on the larger picture?
I see that futility. But why would I off myself because of it? Thinking that what I do in the grand scheme of things doesn't matter, is what gets me in all sorts of trouble. That's an intoxicating freedom, if you really 'feel' it. But, it's also what makes consequences so tedious. I once answered a police officer who asked "do you know why I pulled you over" (I was speeding):
"So that you can impose some contrived consequence that bears no resemblance to the actual impact to whatever infraction you believe I made?"
I was 19 or 20. And apparently a smart ass. I've since learned to accept that my belief that only crashing (and not speeding) should be illegal will never be accepted by the world.
God. I am so misunderstood.
I had a very long and insightful post that I had written in response to this entry. However, it was lost in the interwebs, apparently, so I'll just repost the executive summery and we will all just have to imagine how moving and profound the original was and act accordingly.
ReplyDeleteRE:
As cliche as it sounds I live two lives. One normal. One not so normal. Almost two people. Sociopaths on this site understand this.
Sometimes three or four. But this is why the pros confuse sociopathy with narcissism - or at least believe they have similar pathologies. The projection of the 'false self'. But narcissists do this as an emotional reaction - usually shame or (insert other complex emotion here). They project a false self that they value more than their true self. Very important distinction.
Narcissists ARE capable of all the complex emotions that we lack. But it's like they took one look at what lies beyond that door and nailed it shut then ran as far far away as fast as their little Narcissist legs could carry them.
Their goal is to fool themselves, if not everyone else. Sociopaths value their true 'selves' more than anyone, anything. When we adopt a persona it's not to try and lose who we are, it's to protect who we are. We bury our true self, to preserve it. We have a totally overvalued sense of self...totally opposite to Ns.
We've earned our delusions of grandeur the honest way!
M.E. is absolutely correct about the care and attention one should take to cover up those unusual sensibilities that might get you into trouble.
ReplyDeleteI also believe there is another source of temptation in 'opening up' to people . . . one that's more dangerous to your health than making fun of peoples morality.
Culturally, there is an an abiding fascination with sociopaths. Sociopathic villains and antiheroes in popular cinema/tv are often more charismatic and vivid than 'normal' characters.
The contemporary popularity of vampires - cold, inhumane, parasitic creatures who are presented as objects of girlish romantic fascination.
People 'love' sociopaths. There a danger in becoming too comfortable around them because they really don't want to 'know' why they enjoy you.
If someone seems fond of your casual sadism and emotional reserve, I'd suggest checking the fit and finish of your mask. Maybe adding a third or fourth life to lead . . .
I would never stop playing with someone who's game, I just always take pains to 'suggest' an underlying warmth and hardened idealism. They may crave the pain, but still want you to be like them "deep down".
i am a little confused, i thought that the true sociopath really didn't give a shit whether they were, say for instance, in prison or free, successful in business or not, that basically what the only thing that mattered was whether they "win". whether or not they can manipulate the person their focused on.
ReplyDeletei personally would find living in prison, undesirable, but wouldn't a true sociopath just make the best of whatever life path taken?
i don't know, the more i read about sociopaths the less i understand. lol it seemed much easier at the beginning.
Are you sure your reading or watching too much television
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said, “wouldn't a true sociopath…”
ReplyDeleteThe “true” sociopath? Is that like the “real” negro or the "genuine" conservative or the “authentic” Nazi?
"...it seemed much easier at the beginning."
Caricatures usually are easier. Reading a blog like this should be quite educational for you.
I have a certain liking for fictional sociopaths (Hannibal Lecter), it is an amusing attempt of "normal" people to disfigure something which they fear but do not know. I relate to the use of masks as a survival strategy. On my younger and more vulnerable years i tried to explain my certainty that i was different from the rest of society;big mistake...they put me on therapy
ReplyDeleteMaybe you needed it
ReplyDeleteSarah writes:
ReplyDeleteNarcissists ARE capable of all the complex emotions that we lack. But it's like they took one look at what lies beyond that door and nailed it shut then ran as far far away as fast as their little Narcissist legs could carry them.
Their goal is to fool themselves, if not everyone else. Sociopaths value their true 'selves' more than anyone, anything. When we adopt a persona it's not to try and lose who we are, it's to protect who we are. We bury our true self, to preserve it.
We have a totally overvalued sense of self
Well... maybe just a little. But many of you sociopaths are rather delightful. I do so love playing in the power webs you weave...
...totally opposite to Ns.
I'm not convinced of this. To me it seems equally likely that a sociopath is an awakened narcissist. In www.sociopathworld.com/2009/07/criminal-sociopathy-part-2.html M.E. writes:
i don't know why this is, but all sociopaths seem to go through a phase of denying reality and rejecting responsibility for their actions, e.g. pretending they're normal, thinking that nothing is their fault, thinking that everyone does/is similar, etc.
This denial phase sounds an awful lot like a narcissist, feeling guilty for the problems they're causing people. However, unlike the common narcissist, this one is able eventually to get all the guilt sealed behind that locked door as well. Once they have successfully suppressed all their guilt, they are able to drop the self-deception routine, and feel good about all their (previously shameful feeling) accomplishments.
Sarah writes:
We've earned our delusions of grandeur the honest way!
Agreed. Either way, a sociopath, not encumbered by guilt, is able to view their own - and others' - actions and motives with much more honestly than narcissists (or pretty much anyone else for that matter).
i've had a therapist doing a paper on sociopaths that could not understand that sociopaths are not "damaged" in a way npd is but they truly are at peace with what they are to see the good bad and ugly and still love yourself.
DeleteOrm,
ReplyDeleteBut the science doesn't back the theory of 'awakened narcissist' up. There are many reasons why this is not a reasonable conclusion, one being that they have completely different pathologies. That's a big one.
Narcissism progresses as a disorder throughout a person's life. Which reinforces the idea that it IS a disorder correctly characterized as a 'personality' disorder. Sociopathy, if presented, is stable in both it's spectrum and manifestations. This implies it is organic, and not developed - at least the root of the disorder. Perhaps it's manifestations can be impacted by environment.
Like schizophrenia, where there is a discrepancy in the severity, or prominence, between two clusters, there is a corresponding genetic or biological difference that are found consistently in these clusters. It's not 'proof' of cause and effect, but it shows there is a relationship that implies that or something similar.
And to be very honest about the so called 'denial' it seems that sociopaths go through...it's not self deception. It's just a result of being socially retarded and rejecting the totally foreign and seemingly random cause and effect imposed by the dominant moral system. When I was a kid, I remember rejecting that I caused someone pain or hurt, not because I had some need to believe I was too good to cause someone else pain-denial of who I was- I just didn't see HOW x caused y and so just shrugged it off as, "They can't possibly FEEL that way." Some sociopaths never grow out of that, and never understand that they are different and so reject the consequences and disbelieve the emotional reactions out of a deficiency or inability to apply the abstract thought necessary to consider the possibility of another reality or perspective than one's own. No one ever said that sociopaths can't be stupid.
Also,
ReplyDeleteRE:Agreed. Either way, a sociopath, not encumbered by guilt, is able to view their own - and others' - actions and motives with much more honestly than narcissists (or pretty much anyone else for that matter).
It's not about guilt and it's not about honesty...at least not the noble attachment that seems intrinsic to the word 'honesty'. We are just objective, in the sense that we don't filter our perceptions through a inflexible value system. Our perception only has one influence and filter - us - and that usually leads to a less corrupted intake of events. Our internal logic is remarkably organized, which is uncommon and hard to comprehend. A closed system should lead to disorder - that's physics- and schizophrenia is that law in the flesh. Really the only difference between a sociopath and a schizophrenic is that we don't have a disorganized thought process or intake of information. So this is why to me the idea that Sociopathy is an evolved Narcissism is ridiculous. We are more closely related in pathology to schizophrenia, and if you qualify our integration into society as 'evolved' then really a better description is that sociopathy is an evolved version of schizophrenia. But really, the more likely to be correct correlation comes from seeing schizophrenia as a devolved version of sociopathy.
Thanks for clarifying your ideas Sarah. I'm no expert, however your reply doesn't entirely satisfy me. I respond to your opinions with some counter opinions. I'd be grateful if you'd suggest some readings.
ReplyDeleteSarah writes:
But the science doesn't back the theory of 'awakened narcissist' up. There are many reasons why this is not a reasonable conclusion, one being that they have completely different pathologies. That's a big one.
Not all the experts agree with your analysis that narcissists and sociopaths having completly different pathologies. Otto Kernberg suggests that psychopathy is at the high end of the narcissism spectrum.
In my own experience, I have played mind games with both narcissists and sociopaths, and I have found them pretty similar to deal with. Both get fooled by me acting amiable and ignorant, and subtlety setting up trap(s). The main difference has been that I have to set things up more carefully with the sociopath, who is more consciously calculating.
Narcissism progresses as a disorder throughout a person's life. Which reinforces the idea that it IS a disorder correctly characterized as a 'personality' disorder. Sociopathy, if presented, is stable in both it's spectrum and manifestations.
It occurs to me that once a narcisist were to become "awakened" - or free of guilt - the nature of the "disorder" might change considerably. It might not continue to progress in a way comparable with that of ordinary narcissism.
This implies it is organic, and not developed - at least the root of the disorder. Perhaps it's manifestations can be impacted by environment.
It seems many experts believe the environmental manifestation (as well as the genetic) is a significant part of sociopathy. This would suggest that at a young age a child is not fully a sociopath. It seems plausible (though I am not claiming certainty here) to me that the child first goes through a narcissist-phase. It may be that for genetic reasons some people at this point are able to suppress all their guilt and become sociopaths, while many others with different genetic makeup are not and remain narcissists.
Like schizophrenia, where there is a discrepancy in the severity, or prominence, between two clusters, there is a corresponding genetic or biological difference that are found consistently in these clusters. It's not 'proof' of cause and effect, but it shows there is a relationship that implies that or something similar.
I'd be interested in you further elaborating, or suggesting a reading about this.
And to be very honest about the so called 'denial' it seems that sociopaths go through...it's not self deception. It's just a result of being socially retarded and rejecting the totally foreign and seemingly random cause and effect imposed by the dominant moral system. When I was a kid, I remember rejecting that I caused someone pain or hurt, not because I had some need to believe I was too good to cause someone else pain-denial of who I was- I just didn't see HOW x caused y and so just shrugged it off as, "They can't possibly FEEL that way." Some sociopaths never grow out of that, and never understand that they are different and so reject the consequences and disbelieve the emotional reactions out of a deficiency or inability to apply the abstract thought necessary to consider the possibility of another reality or perspective than one's own. No one ever said that sociopaths can't be stupid.
Your childhood memories are informative, and certainly paint a plausible view. They're not conclusive however. Memory research by people such as Karim Nader suggests that our memories subtly change each time we access them. This would suggest that many of your childhood memories have by now been greatly modified. It's possible you did feel guilt as a child, but have since modified the memory. Since you aren't aware of what guilt even feels like, it would not be surprising if it has been edited it out of your memories.
Sarah writes:
ReplyDeleteWe are just objective, in the sense that we don't filter our perceptions through a inflexible value system. Our perception only has one influence and filter - us - and that usually leads to a less corrupted intake of events. Our internal logic is remarkably organized, which is uncommon and hard to comprehend.
I like this explanation a great deal.
A closed system should lead to disorder - that's physics- and schizophrenia is that law in the flesh. Really the only difference between a sociopath and a schizophrenic is that we don't have a disorganized thought process or intake of information.
I don't understand the similarity you're trying to draw between schizophrenia and sociopathy. To me they seem entirely different.
For one thing, acute schizophrenia normally doesn't set in until one's teens. Children that will become schizophrenics have no trouble with empathy, as far as I understand it. And even in full blown schizophrenia, I believe their lack of empathy comes from their emotions being too intense to allow them to experience the emotions of others. This happens to emotionally overwhelmed normals as well.
Also, a large number of schizophrenics eventually overcome their personality disorder (www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7893767 ). This is not true of sociopathy.
First, Otto Kernberg is Freudian. So you have to first fall in line with not only the mainstays of psychoanalysis, but pure Freudian psychoanalysis. And it's a not a suitable rebuttal, because psychoanalysis by nature doesn't incorporate cognitive psychology or any cognitive neuroscience methods. Freud's views directly conflict with current cognitive science, with major disagreements being the concept of an unconscious mind. Jean Piaget has written some papers/articles about the integration of the two, but psychoanalysis has plateaued in research (IMO) and cognitive science is constantly expanding and developing new avenues year after year. Even Kernberg has written on how he feared psychoanalysis will be abandoned all together for the cognitive sciences. I know you asked for reading, but I can't remember what book this came from. Maybe google it. Here is a resource I often use, especially the glossary. It is a textbook and not pleasure reading but you can search for certain key phrases and use the glossary to define the technical terms: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/bv.fcgi?call=bv.View..ShowTOC&rid=mga.TOC Ch25 and 26 are interesting.
ReplyDeleteAnd here is a very popular article with a ton of references that looks at the issue of sociopathy specifically. It talks about the sex differences in sociopathy and the "two thresh hold" model that has become more mainstream because it has both nature and nurture explanations for sociopathy and criminals. It's a little discouraging to women...who apparently, if sociopathic, are so with a genetic overload to the point of predetermination, but you take what you can get.
http://www.bbsonline.org/Preprints/OldArchive/bbs.mealey.html
It's very comprehensive and I do not agree with all of the interpretations and even some of the data, but that's just because I like to be contrary.
So given that
RE It seems many experts believe the environmental manifestation (as well as the genetic) is a significant part of sociopathy. This would suggest that at a young age a child is not fully a sociopath.
Manifestations are not separate pathologies. And this suggests that SOME children will not develop into full blown DIAGNOSED sociopaths, but a moderated tendency toward sociopathic behavior. There's nothing that indicates not these genes contribute to any other pathology, without other genetic modifications. Including NPD. And yes, there does seem to be a specific load and pattern of genes that is the Sociopath's true blue, no development needed, 100% fortified sociopathy.
It seems plausible (though I am not claiming certainty here) to me that the child first goes through a narcissist-phase. This is all psychoanalytical theory. And I'm pretty sure that Kernberg even went so far as to define a special type of narcissism that was only and always experienced by children...or infants. One of then. So to him and to Freud we all come out of the womb little Narcissists.
If you read the Journal of Neuroscience, where I had to search for the name of Karim Nader, as I had not heard of him, what the hell are you doing with all the psychoanalysis crap?!?!?!?! His publications from what I scanned go along with many cognitive psych theories and research currently being done on ptsd. So far it's not that the memory changes that has been determined (as far as I know) it's that we change how it's stored, most distinctly with traumatic memories. It's unlikely that I would fabricate memories to the extent that you imply. I would correctly remember being confused and for what reason, but I might not have the extent of awareness I thought I did, as a later addition. There is little to suggest that emotions such as 'guilt' are vulnerable to be edited out of a stored memory. So far, fear and anger are the main targets. But the point is you don't trust my perspective to be accurate. That's fine. I can certainly see how it can't be taken as universal.
Schizophrenia is not a personality disorder, tho there are some personality disorders that have similar sounding names. I use schizophrenia because it has a less controversial and more widely accepted genetic link theory. And given that it is characterized as well with internal logic system, as well as all other fringe disorders that are characterized as such, it seems more likely that this particular trait is genetic. It was a tangent.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah. I'll muse over the readings you recommended and see how they influence me. I like looking at different contradictory models to make sense of reality, including Freudian and neuroscience ones. However, so far at least, I've been mainly reading populist sources, such as Wikipedia.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletere: narrcist. they are not reacting emotionlly or to shame as felt.
ReplyDeletethey are supposed to be compensating for an unconcious belief of the self as unacceptable.
they are marked by shamlessness not feelings of shame.
the gradiose self is belived to be the actual real self.
ReplyDeletenice. Very beautifully said
ReplyDelete2nd - 2012. 6:38 (GTM) Another battleship grey here in London. Might catch the tube to work this morning.
ReplyDeleteHave a nice week all.
battleship grey = day [for our non-London cockney rhyming slang understanding readers]
ReplyDeleteMP, you just totally made that up. Stop winding up the nice Americans ~
DeleteShhh - you're giving it away that we just make it all up as we go along ; )
DeleteIndeed. Misinforming tourists is a longstanding hobby of mine too :-)
DeleteTell you what, you carry on and I'll keep quiet. Bonus points for sneaking in Goodies references.
‘Big Ben’ was named after 1st Baron Richard Benjamin Hall OBE. But it was decided to use a shortened version of his middle name rather than his first.
Delete“I'd be happy to be an OBE. Best of all an Earl and an OBE. I'd be an earlobe."
V , have you ever tapped on your watch and said "suck my dick? suck my dick?" It''s a good one.
DeleteSorry to ruin the start of your week for you Extremity & Alterego.
ReplyDeleteBut if it is any consolation - you can have a race to see who gets third and the wooden spoon.
Best of British luck to you both.
Bye for now
OK, Had my morning coffee - and can actually think now.
ReplyDeleteFIRST FUCKERS
6:54 GMT!
sarah
ReplyDeleteyou seem very smart, are you hot
To be a sociopath is to be a dark abyss filled with lust. Lust to live. Lust to learn. Lust to see. But not be seen. We will take when no one is looking. We will steal because we are not afraid. The sheep will hide in the meadows. But we will come out to play.
ReplyDeleteSociopath’s abyss
DeleteLust to learn, see and to live
We will play with sheep
@ Haikupath
ReplyDelete'Sociopath' - 4 syllables or 3?
M.E. knows the game. M.E. knows who he is, delving within himself to explore the realm in which the empath does not dare to see. Because I am a sociopath, I relate to M.E. I understand the importance of looking, searching, exploring the layers which encompass us in order to seek the truth. I do not care if my impulses cause me to act in ways, which are deemed by others as immoral. But I care that they will see. I am constantly hiding behind a shadow of a self that does not exist; a self I have created by compiling the souls of my victims.
ReplyDeleteM.E. knows the game
DeleteDelving within, exploring
compiling the souls
I love you Haikupath
DeleteI was going to say that this sounded like the owner's earlier blog entries but then I noticed that it IS an earlier blog entry... I like his earlier blog entries. they sound like this.
ReplyDeletethis was a nice post and commentary. Thank you sw.
ReplyDeletegoodnight.
:) Good Morning Sociopathworld!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDay 1 of no weed :(
ReplyDeleteOf course the day before I quit (Last night) my stepdad got a bag of some FIRE ass weed, but at least I got to try it out last night....... Iam tempted to smoke but dont wanna give in! Iam gonna really try this time.
~Smooooke~
DeleteGo Rich
DeleteI will be your buddy in this, if you want :D
____ ________
Delete(____(_______()~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of course Monica! I will take any extra support I can get! Thank you!
Delete:) My happy hour starts in an hour and a half so I can take my mind off smoking!
Monica, FUCK!!!!!! Iam on the verge of smoking!!!!!!!! Even my mother is like " Why quit weed now than?" FUCK!!!!!!!!! I feel so fucking guilty! I want a job but I want to smoke and I want to smoke mpore right now because I dont know what its like to be independant and have a job......
DeleteI feel like a weak loser :(
Awww Rich
DeleteI am here for you. <3
Why are you freaking out, bro? Does your mom hold your hand, and do everything for you, or what?
DeleteUnder any addiction is the pain. The pain is the core of it. The pain sucks so bad.
DeleteI didn't know you were an addict, Monica. What is your drug of choice?
DeleteI am not an addict, per se. I am more of a co-dependent and a shopping addict but little junk, not big sums ~
DeleteHowever, any addiction has the same root of pain.
DeleteYou're a shopaholic? Are you like those people on hoarders?
DeleteNo hoarder. I just buy junk when I need a lift but don't get excited. It is just make-up or a dress~
DeleteYou said it's an addiction. Does the make-up pile up in all your drawers? Is your closet overflowing with clothes?
Delete
DeleteI just meant that anything we do to medicate pain is an addiction. You don't have to be run out of your house by make-up overflow *sigh*
I looked up the definition.
Deletead·dic·tion [uh-dik-shuhn] Show IPA
noun
the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
So are you an addict or not?
Yes, I am an addict, but not in the way you might think. My biggest addiction is to approval seeking ~
DeleteLet's go back to the shopping addiction you mentioned. You are saying "yes", you are addicted to shopping. If the act of shopping is something that "enslaves" you, and would cause "severe trauma", were you to give it up, then how is the things you shop for not overflowing at your house?
DeleteYou keep confusing me when you use the [~] after what you say. It makes me think you don't mean what you just said.
DeleteI have a lot of pain from my life being molested by my mother and having to take care of her so she never felt badly about herself. On top of that, I had to be perfect and make her look good, so she would not hurt me.
I threw myself away and became a shell.
When I do one of my addictions, it takes away the pain.
Here is an example of how I would use [~} in a sentence, indicating sarcasm.
DeleteI really enjoyed stepping in that dog shit. It was the highlight of my day.~
Naturally I didn't really mean it when I said that I enjoyed it. So I meant the exact opposite. I think you keep using [~] at the end of a sentence, even when you aren't being ironic. Am I wrong?
When I do one of my addictions, it takes away the pain.
DeleteYou are so confusing to talk to. Are you admitting that your shopping addiction DOES cause things to pile up in your house, or does NOT cause things to pile up in your house?
If your shopping is an addiction, and you shop for things you would want to keep, isn't it reasonable to say that it piles up somewhere? Do you get rid of your dresses once you have too many?
I think I use it as a way to laugh at myself. I think the {~} shows the irony of how I am, which is so nutty and neurotic when there is no reason to be.
DeleteAnon 5:27
DeleteYou guys like all the friggin details. No, it doesn't pile up. I have a lot of room.
Lolol
DeleteThat's fair. I guess it would make sense to use it to show when you are making a point, and you are not being honest with yourself about that point.
DeleteI think that sarcasm is like that too. It's a defense mechanism to keep from having to admit the whole truth about something, and to shield us from the responsibility of the reactions we might get from the things we say, or our true feelings about something someone else has said to us.
Like when someone hurts your feelings, you might use sarcasm to hide that it hurt you. Hoping the sarcasm will be taken as indifference, or will make the person feel smaller for saying it.
No, it doesn't pile up. I have a lot of room.
DeleteIn other words, she's a hoarder, bro. Why would she admit it to you? It's ok if you're a hoarder, Monica. Be proud of who you are, chica.
Chica
DeleteI love pet names. If a guy wants to drive me crazy, he just has to call me pet names.
Like "fuck me" crazy? Or like "fuck off" crazy?
DeleteI love when a man calls me a name like chica. I love it so much that I am crying.
DeleteDoes your family know about M.E..
ReplyDeleteI love how ME writes. It is so fluid. It goes down smooth. I love how words come out of a man's mouth. I love how he uses them like skillful tools.
ReplyDeleteMonica Moo
Monica, you swallowed.
DeleteM.E's a woman you tard!
DeleteNo one knows for sure the sex of ME.
DeleteWho cares ? But if she is a woman maybe the male sociopaths will learn a thing or two *shrugs*
DeleteNo one knows for sure the sex of ME.
DeleteThat's not true. M.E. is definitely a woman, and there is proof if you are smart enough to find it.
Not bad for a narcissisit
ReplyDelete;) Monica, "don't go away mad.....just go away"
ReplyDeleteMonica, are you able to love ?
ReplyDeleteLove is not very easily defined and is imperfect, in the best of us( of which I am not one). I do realize how afraid I am of emotional intimacy, though. I just realized how scary it is to let someone close. I feel a terror. I think you have to have a fairly well defined self to love and not be swallowed up by someone or swallow up someone, yourself. I think the key to being able to love is a solid sense of self, so love stays outside of you, to a large degree, as it must. If it comes inside to the degree that it overtakes you, it gets toxic. Then, it becomes sick love and eventually destroys you. Why do you ask? Can you? Are you struggling with this?
DeleteIts like any emotion we feel, all we know is how we interpret that feeling, not certain it is actually "right" in terms of how I experience it
DeleteI am struggling with this.
DeleteI know that I am afraid of intimacy. In the past, I formed attachments very quickly, hoping they would stick. But in talking to people like my young nephew, getting questions like "do you even like your boyfriends" and also learning to love all of me, i am not sure.
Furthermore, I purposely choose people who have very busy schedules so they aren't up my ass taking up my time. -I'm not even that busy. I just am always afraid I will get sick of them. This, I cannot tell them because this information will diminish the veneer of how they see the relationship and they will feel "less than". So I tell myself absence will make the heart grow fonder. I do believe this is a bit of bs I like to say to myself so I can continue, but I am not sure.
I fear losing them. IMO, they must view the relationship as solid in order for me to test THEIR loyalty. I don't feel this is love. This is wanting to possess.
If I feel close, I am afraid. I cannot accept fear as my barometer for how I know I love. It feels false.
Fear is either real or imagined, often both. If fear has become tangible to us IRL, every situation we encounter will be viewed through that fear, The pain is then being imagined, but because it was previously experienced. A defense mechanism against the possibility of more pain caused by intimacy will perpetuate fearfulness. You must face that fear. You push people away to feel safe
DeleteGreat point, but how does one face it, in a practical way?
Deletethis makes sense. Thank you.
DeleteAccepting that pain is always possible....you need to hate feeling fear more than feeling pain. There is pain in progress, if you are never willing to experience pain, you will never expand from fear. Small steps......fear is intense, won't happen over night. Work on a list of benefits of fear (what it protects you from) vs. letting go of fear (what you will gain),
Deleteok. Thank you very much.
DeleteYes, thank you.
DeleteMonica, I honestly do not love myself.......And one of my ex girlfriends used to say "You have to love yourself before you can love anybody else"...... But how do you LOVE yourself? Icant wrap my mind around that? Is it supposed to be the same love that I felt for my girlfriend? or some other type of love? I still dont understand it :(
DeleteI hear you, Rich, Sweetie
DeleteI hate platitudes, so won't give them. Stay here. I think it will be a good place for you. The "answer" is not an answer. per se, but a process of knowing who you really and truly are <3
:) Thank you Monica! I hope you are doing well today and forget what the haters/trolls say to you!
DeleteI wat to find out who I really am, and that is why Iam going to give SW a chance and stay here. Hopefully I will find myself but I see it being a slow and painful process, but maybe that is how it should be?
<3 Keep your head up!!!!!
Hard to know if you give something you don't feel was ever truly given....what does it really feel like? The true form of it? A child loves selfishly, so not a good gauge of pure love
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother loved me. I cry every single time I talk about her. She loved me because I was hers. I could not make it go away by being bad. I could not make it more by being good. I knew she had my best interests at heart, not her own needs like my malignant narcissist mother did. Today, I live so my grandmother would be proud of me. She always told me to be a "lady" I try to be, so I will have her inside of me.
DeleteMonica, why you don't go to lovefraud or any similar site?
DeleteThey are victims. I am trying to overcome being a victim. I don't want to be an endless victim crying about how people did me wrong.
DeleteI don't want to be in any "groups" for that same reason like Co-dependents Anonymous etc. I am sick of all the whining. I want to be a winner :D
victim =/= winner
Deletethink about it
what does =/= mean? One has nothing to do with the other?
DeleteOh, I got it, Monica is a victim and can't be a winner!
DeleteShut up Eden, Monica is sick of the whinning
Delete
DeleteIf you walk around with a broken arm, someone is bound to come help you open the door. Then sure, you can snatch up their good will. But you'll always have to walk around with that damned sling to know they want to be nice to you.
This IS the perpetual victim. It is a gross injustice to self growth.
good point.
DeleteMonica, go be victim somewhere else!
DeleteWill do.
DeleteAnon @ 7:39 LEAVE MONICA ALONE!!!!! SHE IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE!!!!!!
DeleteRare. We see so many forms of "love" that defining it becomes impossible. How do you ever know if you give or receive "it".....what is "it"?. Just effed up
ReplyDeleteWe never stop needing that unconditional love you spoke about your Grandmother Monica. You wanted your Mother to love you this way, to know a love outside of a measuring stick that you want to break over their clueless heads. We determined the amount of "love" shown to us according to our performance=narcissist
ReplyDeleteI feel self destructive a lot. I think if I could hurt myself enough maybe my story would come out right. Do you know what I mean?
Delete
DeleteYes, to relive to accept over and over again the stone cannot love, this just opens up the scab. It is self destructive to open up a wound over and over.
If Rich can give up weed, Monica can ignore Eden ~
DeleteMonica, it's the victim in us wanting to be rescued from pain. save yourself Monica.....Loneliness will force you to save you....you are too narcissistic to take your own life.....only alternative is rescue yourself. "prince charming is nevert coming and sleeping Beauty is already dead"
Delete^^^^ thank you
DeleteDon't ~smooOOooke~
ReplyDeletePeople who have an impulse to analyze people in terms of "normal/not normal", and who are convinced without a doubt that they themselves are normal, are always the first in line to throw the proverbial stone at he or she who decides to shed the mask. Shoot first, ask later, if their shelter-lusting ignorance even permits asking.
ReplyDeleteDude, before you scoff at the idea of morality, dont be surprised if the boundries you define correlate well with empathetically based morality. It comes down to how much preditor are we willing to revoke in order to live a life where we are not constantly being preyed upon- honor among theives? Street justice? Prison rules? Laws? Sin? In the end its a balance. Of power and tolerence
ReplyDeleteEden, please have my baby
DeleteThe scene in American Psycho where Bateman openly reveals his amusement at Ed Gein's quote about wondering what a girl's head might look like on a stick - I can't recall how many times I've made this sort of slip-up. Sometimes we just can't help ourselves, sometimes we just sort of forget. I'm at least blessed to have a few friends who write me off as just the kind of person who "says stuff like that". Everyone else is not sure if I'm being serious when I "say stuff like that", at best, horrified and gripped with fear at worst.
ReplyDeleteYes ~smoooooOOOoooke, troooll asSSsshole~
ReplyDeleteSome people have to self-medicate due to the presence of dysphoria. This may be because of mental illness, personality disorder, or just being goddamn weak. The use of marijuana is quite harmless and carries minimal risk when it comes to penalty under the law. Rich would be better off giving up the methadone and other drugs before weed. Learning to cope with his difficulties, while reducing his addictive crutches to a single, less harmful drug, would be a smarter strategy. One strategy, anyway.
ReplyDeleteGood point about weed. It is natural and the lesser of the other evils, so to speak!
DeleteWell the thing with the xanax and the methadone is, they arent holding me back from life or from getting a job. I have prescriprions for both xanax and methadone but no prescription for weed so if I get drug tested even if they find xanax and methadone they will hire me because I am prescribed them.
DeleteIt of course would be better to quit everything at once, but Iam not coming off the methadone anytime soon, there is too much risk of relapse for me....... I could easily quit xanax(Ive never had trouble quitting xanax as long as I do a slow taper) plus I only take a third of the xanax iam prescribed (Iam prescribed 6mg's a day and I only take 2mgs a day).
I cant get any penalties under law for xanax or methadone, only weed....... But I wish it were the other way around, I absolutely LOVE weed!
I do agree with what you said though Anonymous....... I wish giving up Methadone were that easy :(
DeleteYou keep talking about your various drug/med use as if they are the issue preventing you from getting a job and living a good life. You're avoiding dealing with whatever it is that makes you so anxious and need chemical relief to such an extent. Until you deal with your psychological problems you will continue to relapse in drug use. Get yourself to rehab.
DeleteNot rehab. His dad and the rejection he feels from his dad :(
DeleteIt is preventing me getting a job because nowadays like 70% of places drug test, so if I get the weed out of my system it will open up my opportunities of finding work by 70% because I will be able to apply for places that drug test.
DeleteI know I have psychological problems but I dont wanna see a shrink...... Iam giving SW a try to see if it helps me "find myself"
Anon @ 12:04, I honestly never liked my father, when my mom sat me down at 8 years old to tell me they were getting a divorce the first word out of my mouth was "Good". I think she thought I would be sad, but I was happy that I didnt have to be around him everyday anymore.......He is a toxic person, an agressive narcissist.
DeleteAlso, I cant afford rehab even if I wanted to go, which I dont.
DeleteIAM FUCKING WEAK AND I MIGHT SMOKE TODAY!!!!!!
DeleteI think I may be a sociopath sometimes,I choose living at home and being broke and smoking weed rather than working and having a life of my oen......
FUCK!!!!!!!!! I think iam a fucking compassionate sociopath or something :(
^Or- you might just be an incompetent spoiled brat, who has parent that enable him.
DeleteThere is no such thing as a "compassionate sociopath".
DeleteNext case please!
I smoke weed e'ry day, niggah!
Delete*yawn*
ReplyDeleteYOU
Delete?
DeleteYOU
Delete!
DeleteYou are cute, TNP. Do I have to explain EVERYTHING.
Delete?
DeleteForget it. You are an asshole.
DeleteI like TNP. He's a funny guy!
Delete?
Delete.
.
.
.
!
Yep. My thought exactly, bro.
Delete;
DeleteNo dude.
Delete`
I'm disappointed in you Monica. You only made it through one day. You gave me your word. :(
ReplyDeleteL.L.
That Anon was not me. I don't care about Eden. I have real issues with which I must stand strong in my real life. I feel sorry for her, as she is suffering. I don't want her to bother new people, but other than that, she has no importance for me.
DeleteWhy are you lying to me?
DeleteIf Rich can give up weed, Monica can ignore Eden ~
^This was you, Monica. You always misuse the tilde, and place comments where it makes no sense to.
Why do you feel like you must lie about the things you do? How many times must you be told it is not Eden? Is it hard for you to believe you can be wrong about your judgment. Wasn't it you who were convinced that Caesar was Eden? You, who thought Extremity was Eden. That Elicit was Eden. That I was Alterego? How much evidence contrary to what you believe, has to stack up? It is a delusion. What are these real life issues you are faced with that leaves you so much time to spend here at Sociopath World? Just more delusions I bet.
Honestly, I said that and I forgot but really, I would like you to butt out of my business. Since when do I owe you any kind of report on my life? Butt out, please!
DeleteIf it were your business alone, it would not be here in a public forum, where everyone else has to suffer reading this obsession, every day. I have just as much right as you do, to be able to enjoy this blog without aggravation. I can't force you to stop, and you can't force the anons who are enjoying making a fool of you, to stop. I can however, try to appeal to your kindness, and humanity. It's an unnerving habit of yours, and I'm trying to ask you nicely, to please refrain.
DeletePlease ease up on Monica, she has done nothing but be nice, helpful and respectful to everybody! Show her that same respect!!!!!!!
DeleteI am not being mean to Monica. If a teacher asks her students to please be quiet so that everyone can study, she is not being mean. You are looking at this from the perspective of a child, and so is Monica. I'm asking her politely, and respectfully, from one adult to another. Do you think that you can deal with that like an adult, Rich?
DeleteMind your own business, Anon. You are being the child getting into people's business who don't want you such as me. Bug out *sigh* I am done, here. Ignore her, Rich.
DeleteI am minding my business. You gave me permission to press the issue when you gave me your word that you would stop. You are upset, and I suppose I would be to, if someone were trying to make me face a truth, I don't want to face about myself.
DeleteMy deepest apologies, Monica. I thought you wanted to face yourself. I didn't know that came with conditions. Please feel free to inform me on what truths you would like to face, and which you would like to stay in the dark about. :)
Anon
DeleteYou don't understand me. I have tried to tell you Eden means nothing to me. You keep telling me that is not true. Please, just butt out and bother someone who wants your "help".
Thank you.
That is not the disagreement we are having right now. The disagreement we are having, if I may point it out more clearly; is that you gave me your word after I politely asked you to stop bringing Eden up, that you would, in fact, stop. You went back on your word when you kept bringing her up today, then lied to me about being the anon who brought her up, then tried to cover up that lie by saying you forgot that you were the anon who brought her up.
DeleteAre you with me so far?
What happened after that, is you got upset at me for reminding you of our agreement, and pointing out your lie. I did not bring up, even one time, in the comments above^, that Eden means something to you. All I am asking is for you to TRY to honor your agreement.
Now; you are asking me to butt out, and leave you alone. If you cannot do what I have politely asked you to do, then I should not have to do what you ask of me. That is the way of the real world. Fair is fair. If you refuse to stop what is irritating me out of respect, I will not give you the respect you ask of me. Capiche?
I will be ready to compromise when you are.
Monica is a cunt. She makes up stories about being abused, invents a PD, and shares pictures of neckless midget lesbians. She's the biggest troll SW has ever had, both in presence, and body weight.
DeleteNo one will miss her when she eventually leaves.
LMAO TNP Now THAT was funny!!!!!!!
DeleteWhat is Monica doing?
ReplyDeleteWe can all make a choice her to ignor what we don't like and respond to the things that intrest us. Personally I like Monica and see that she's really grown. This place has a averse effect on quite a few others but if thier just letting whats building up out, then good to do it here then real life.
DeleteRich your making a new start by quitting weed, but you can have them reduce the dosage and stay at a lower dose for a while. Staying in is not going to help you, you know that. Gotta break certain cycles.
Love yourself = being your own best friend. Looking out for your own good.
I'm starting weed again :P Been off of it for too long.
DeleteI might smoken weed today too TNP........ Thers nothing stopping me and i am fucking just like who cares? What is another month? A month is a month but to me it is nothing.......
DeleteIAM FUCKED!
So go on and smoke it, bro. What's the big deal? It's just weed.
DeleteIt's just weed, bro.
DeleteIt's too bad this isn't a wordpress blog. IPs would be tracked per comment. I'd love to know how many a day belong to Monica.
ReplyDeleteNote, I hope your doing well.
ReplyDeleteNot really, but thanks! :)
DeleteI'm sorry and miss talking with you even though I brough up some strange stuff.
DeleteHah, don't worry about it :P I hope you're doing ok.
DeleteDoing good still building a bussiness.
DeleteI was going in one direction and did a 360 in another.
Have you been able to work?
In my case it wouldn't much matter haha
ReplyDeleteAs an empathic dude, i have something to ask- those of you who watched the season of Dexter with Trinity listen up-
ReplyDeleteWhen you watched the final episode where Dexter walks in the bathroom to find his wife dead lying in a bathtub of blood how did you react?
1. With shock and horror
2. Surprised and mildly upset
3. Interested but no emotional response
4. Ha ha ha, that annoying bitch is gone
5. That Trinity cracks me up
3
Delete4
DeleteSeriously hated Rita.
Where is the option for 6. Will never watch Dexter because I'm not a daft cow. ?
DeleteMarijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that's an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?
ReplyDeleteA whore with standards. I like your style.
Deletehaha
DeleteWe're you addicted to sucking dick, marijuana or coke, I'm confused
DeleteYou're confused because it's a quote from the movie Half Baked, genius. Damn, you people are too high. You have smoked yourselves retarded.
DeleteI just smoked weed with my stepdad when he knows I was trying to quit........ My mother started challenging me, asking me questions and making statements like " WHy dont you smoke if you want to?" my mom said that in a very mean way, like " WHy dont you go and fucking smoke weed, I dont give a fuck" so you know what? I am 6 martinis down in 3 hours (but that is no excuse) but I WANTED to piss her off, it was almost like listening to that dude yesterday who told me I was QUITE sociopathic, and that I should embracemy sociopathic side, and I think Iam doing that right now....... It's like fuck you, kick me out if you want but I still dont care, (my mother wants to keep me on methadone as more or as much as I wanna nbe on it, theres just too many risks......
ReplyDeleteliquor that is40%
BUt I feel likE A DRUNKEN PIECE OF SHIT RIGHT NOW, i HAD 6 MARTINIS 4OZ'S of liquor that is 40% gin. and I feel like iam embracing my socio side whiledrunk...... Is that ecauseI just dont care?
I should have quit today but I got drunk and said":fuck it"
It's OK, Rich. We are all messed up works in progress <3
DeleteMonica, Iam tearing up, I love you. Iam so sorry :( I think iam falling apart............
Delete~~dddDDDdddiiiiieeeee~~
DeleteYou just need love, Baby( like we all do)
DeleteIs it just me or do I sound pathetic? Or woulda done the same thing?
ReplyDeleteIt's not just you, dude. I think you want a lot of attention. You came to the right place.
DeleteYou have to fall apart and see what is under it, before you can get back together. I fell apart, too, and on here.
ReplyDeleteFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeleteI feel your pain TNP. :(
DeleteDespite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage
Delete"Those who can fall apart in public are a special brand of crazy."
Delete-Allen Colt
Don't tell her that she's special. She'll never fucking leave you alone.
Delete