I learned this lesson long ago from being too smart: people will not want to play with you if they feel there's no chance they can win. It's a consequence of being good at games. It's lonely. Being rejected because you're too good is almost as bad as being rejected because you are incompetent. Depending on the situation and the person, there are things you can try to do to make it better. With my crush, I tried to alleviate the nervousness in the same way you'd try to calm an overexcited animal. Slow moves, explaining what you are doing the entire time, telling them there's nothing to worry about, no harm will come. There's a certain amount of shaming that can go into it. I try to make them see how ridiculous it is to be scared of little old me. The whole thing is a lot of work, though, and there's no magic bullet that will set them at ease. This seduction fire is not dying out because of too little oxygen—it's sputtering because there's a heavy wind: too much oxygen.
In my mind this is also a failed seduction. It reminds me of that scene in Pollock where Peggy Guggenheim seduces Pollock only to have him drunkenly ejaculate prematurely. I've come to realize is that anyone, any age, any gender, can show the restraint and judgment of a 12 year-old boy if you set up the seduction wrong.
I made things worse with my crush because I got frustrated and almost disgusted. I pushed the shame tactic too hard. I got traded down for a simpler model, not just shelved but back-shelved. It has taken months of soothing tones and being a shoulder to cry on before I've gotten back into my crush's good graces, and even now I tread as lightly as I can, on thin ice, because we are still not quite there.
In my mind this is also a failed seduction. It reminds me of that scene in Pollock where Peggy Guggenheim seduces Pollock only to have him drunkenly ejaculate prematurely. I've come to realize is that anyone, any age, any gender, can show the restraint and judgment of a 12 year-old boy if you set up the seduction wrong.
I made things worse with my crush because I got frustrated and almost disgusted. I pushed the shame tactic too hard. I got traded down for a simpler model, not just shelved but back-shelved. It has taken months of soothing tones and being a shoulder to cry on before I've gotten back into my crush's good graces, and even now I tread as lightly as I can, on thin ice, because we are still not quite there.
"this seduction fire is not dying out because of too little fuel or oxygen, it is sputtering because there is a heavy wind -- too much oxygen."
ReplyDeleteM.E.,
On top of interesting topics you are also a great author. I feel like Im reading a novel with all the great metaphors you throw in here and there..
The situation you're describing doesn't sound like being too smart. It sounds like not knowing what the hell you're doing.
ReplyDeleteThere's no such thing as too smart.
That's like saying, "Damn, I have too much money to buy this Porsche."
Get real! That's not possible.
It's a simple case of not being smart enough to control your target, but you get kudos for trying to put a narcissistic spin on complete failure.
To put it in chess terms, it's like playing a game where the other person may or may not know you're their adversary. You fail to make moves that properly direct your opponent, and now you're in jeopardy of losing material, positioning, and/or the entire game.
ReplyDeleteToo smart? It's a classic failure!
I think M.E. agrees with you Peter: "in my mind this is also a failed seduction." M.E. doesn't say anything about how the seduction failed because he was too smart, just that he learned from being a smart child that smarts don't necessarily win the game, particularly if you're playing against people who aren't playing on your level. As you say, classic failure. So kudos to you on re-stating the obvious.
ReplyDeleteYou fool, he believes his "failure" is due to being "too smart." Read what he wrote. Read it again and again until you understand it. Read all the supporting statements.
ReplyDeleteThis is classic psychopath ambiguity. Say two things that conflict, and dumb people have this nasty habit of believing both. It really makes no sense, but it works.
Those who don't believe it will probably rationalize it as something else, despite all the supporting evidence that he literally meant to say (and possibly believed) both regarding the same thing.
In this case, he failed because he was too smart.
It's also handy if anyone argues with you, because you can spin whatever you said however you'd like to. Handy, huh?
the crying on the shoulder thing might backfire. once a guy is deep in the friendship yard, he rarely gets out. it's almost impossible to see him in a sexual way again ever.
ReplyDeleteI think ME is a good writer too.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn case there's still any doubt in your feeble little minds, note that he mentions being rejected because he's too good at the game. No, he was rejected because he wasn't good enough, and he made mistakes that led his target off of the intended course. Just like in the chess game, he made moves that led to his disadvantage. There's nothing smart or good about that. It's all 100% failure, so using the phrase "too smart," or the word "good," is completely irrational unless you're A)delusional or B)trying to manipulate.
ReplyDeleteYet still, you worm-brained slugs never gave it a second thought. Indeed, you tried to rationalize it into fact, even when you had it broken down for you rationally.
This is a perfect example of how a psychopath modifies his victims' thinking.
Good job, sheep.
And yes, M.E. is above the curve, as bloggers go.
Pan you are here more and more, what is wrong with you?
ReplyDeleteOh my god, this page is black, what is wrong with it?
ReplyDeleteWow ME . . . this is a pretty feeble attempt at seduction. Months of interacting with this girl have gotten you nowhere.
ReplyDeleteME Failed?, or has she just politely sussed you out? Theres a difference between being rumbled and failing entirely. It could be as simple as that. She "twigged". Hey it happens sometimes. Maybe she had that "can't quite put my finger on it" feeling about ME. I've experienced this before. This guy was making the the best attempt id ever experienced at beautifully seducing me. It failed to have an impact, but it shouldn't have in theory. He did everything right.
ReplyDeleteMy friends thought i was crazy. Ungrateful. A total bitch even. The guy was the typical tall, handsome " mr ideal". I had the dinner dates, the flowers, the chivalry, the compliments, the shoulder if i needed it. Everything a woman could wish for. However all i sensed was a shear overwhelming sense of bullshit. He was just trying to sell me a fairytale in exchange for my trust.
(Plus he seriously looked carnal and deranged during sex). His eyes gave him away. Mr "intensity" was obviously pathological. Then again that would be obvious to me lol. He began to soak me up like an insatiable sponge, merely to tap into what makes me tick so that he could tailor make himself to be my dream guy. I admit i played along to see what he could "produce". Got to give it to him. He sculptured himself brilliantly. However, game over. No more dates. I pick my battles very carefully.
My mantra is as follows, "if something seems too good to be true....IT IS"
Some women have "red flags", those with an ounce of sense don't ignore their instincts. Problem is many do. Rationalization is a womans own worst enemy at times.
Tink :)
However all i sensed was a shear overwhelming sense of bullshit.
ReplyDeletePlus he seriously looked carnal and deranged during sex.
LOL charming.