A socio reader asked: "How does it make you feel, knowing people have sexual fantasies of you? Do you feel anything besides the typical ego boost? I know my question is a little rhetorical, but answer anyway."
I responded:
Funny you should ask -- I've been in the unusual position recently in which I can almost guarantee that 15-30% of the people that interact with me at all on a daily basis have had sexual fantasies about me. That's much higher than my usual 3-5%. What accounts for the surplus? I've been in positions of power and authority over relatively powerless and not as attractive people. But it does make me dress up more and be better about flossing and moisturizing. Also I strike poses more often for their benefit, just a little something to remember me by.
How does it feel to know that people are fantasizing about me? Powerful, I guess -- more powerful the more people there are doing it. It seems funny to have power over people that way. Sex makes people weak in funny ways, I guess I mean. I was writing to someone else about sex and power and she asked if I ever use sex as a means to power. I told her never actual sex, there is no power in actual sex. It's much better to maintain the allure, the anticipation of sex, without actually consummating anything, and by much better I largely mean much cleaner. But you should know more about this with your BDSM interests.
Speaking of fantasies, I have had this horrible obsession with someone I barely know for the past few years (or more the idea of them) and i'm not flying to their city. Every time I go, I try to come up with some way to meet up with them, but it makes me feel so weak to want it so much that I don't contact them at all. I *need* power and control. I only *want* to have this person, and if I have to sacrifice some of my power and control to get them, it's not worth it. But I want this person so much and it's been for so long, it has been a thorn in my side.
I responded:
Funny you should ask -- I've been in the unusual position recently in which I can almost guarantee that 15-30% of the people that interact with me at all on a daily basis have had sexual fantasies about me. That's much higher than my usual 3-5%. What accounts for the surplus? I've been in positions of power and authority over relatively powerless and not as attractive people. But it does make me dress up more and be better about flossing and moisturizing. Also I strike poses more often for their benefit, just a little something to remember me by.
How does it feel to know that people are fantasizing about me? Powerful, I guess -- more powerful the more people there are doing it. It seems funny to have power over people that way. Sex makes people weak in funny ways, I guess I mean. I was writing to someone else about sex and power and she asked if I ever use sex as a means to power. I told her never actual sex, there is no power in actual sex. It's much better to maintain the allure, the anticipation of sex, without actually consummating anything, and by much better I largely mean much cleaner. But you should know more about this with your BDSM interests.
Speaking of fantasies, I have had this horrible obsession with someone I barely know for the past few years (or more the idea of them) and i'm not flying to their city. Every time I go, I try to come up with some way to meet up with them, but it makes me feel so weak to want it so much that I don't contact them at all. I *need* power and control. I only *want* to have this person, and if I have to sacrifice some of my power and control to get them, it's not worth it. But I want this person so much and it's been for so long, it has been a thorn in my side.
Haha, M.E., here we go again, back to the 'Yes, I know what you mean, and 'Me too!' thingy.
ReplyDeleteYour percentage is higher, but understandable so with your position in various ways.
I do think you're mistaken about sex not providing any means of power by the act. Whoa, my good man(woman), and you mention BDSM right after saying that?
If you don't have performance issues with sex you really should explore this area. I tell ye, some of the people who are now merely fantasizing can be brought into a state of complete submission, simply by the sexual power you hold over them.
And no, you don't have to be constantly sexually active, not by a far shot. It's all about balance, small doses, and all that.
But initially you'll have to perform, of course. So it's a question of preference and personal talent (if one can say it that way, heh).
I believe I know what you're talking about when you mention this resistance towards being the one who arranges to meet. But if this is an actual obsession...
I don't expreience obsessions in this manner, but I can on occasion become very, very curious about someone. Ans what I'd say about it is: DO arrange for a meeting, but so that the subject can't find out it was staged.
I never do it either, but if I had an actual obsession (not merely curiosity) I think I would.
Recently I have been interviewing desperate, low income girls. 3 asked if i had a girl friend and 1 told me she liked dong strange things in bed. To be honest i like the power but its rather useless power. Its like eating fast food, good but ultimately without much utility.
ReplyDeleteI have had a very strong moral code (in addition to don't lie) that sex and romance should go together and it would be pure as in no married men or no power seekers in my bed.
ReplyDeleteI was so caught up in worrying about being taken advantage of I never realized that I could be the one using it to further strenghten my power.
I still am very selective and mostly asexual, but very sexy. I get approached often with indecent requests and just like the way I handle compliments I just say 'thank you,' and smile while communicating a clear no.
Yet.... I am starting to think happiness is exercising our powers and it's about time I used this sexual prowess.
Recently a high power type begged me to take him on as my submissive. I had to read a lot to understand what the hell that meant. Was a huge turn off, like kesu's turn off about winning over an easy target. This man was also talking about bringing in more men, that I'd control more men or order him stuff in front of other men to further humiliate him. I could puke. This shit would do nothing for me. Such loss of respect.
Yet, I am starting to think about one huge financial deal and thinking it'll help to look my best sexually, to speak with the right tone, and blow some useful person's mind if not another body part.
aa
ReplyDelete"But I want this person so much and it's been for so long, it has been a thorn in my side."
ReplyDeleteWhy not "love 'em and leave 'em"?
As much objective power as you possess it's not worth becoming weak over. Should probably satisfy and move on. You KNOW it'll all be over once you see them anyway. Besides, maybe you don't want them as much as you think you do, maybe they just want you that badly and aren't liberated enough. In breaking them over it you'd probably be doing them a favor.
Oh, I relate, too.
ReplyDeleteI am beautiful, just a statement of fact.
Both men and women wish to have my passion imposed upon them until it is, then it becomes a curse. They scour their dreams for me in order to possess me only to find that when they do I control their fate.
My beauty, for all its promises of happiness, elevates people to greater dignity before driving them to a thousand little deaths. I am treacherously siren-like, a seemingly innocent woman unaware of her own allure, beckoning all those who gaze upon me to destruction.
Despite the complex obsessions I create, my power is wonderfully simple in its essence: blinded by the symbolism of my beauty people betray themselves for an illusion of ecstasy that will annihilate the rot of life.
They feel superior by their ownership of me - alas, they have my beauty, but my beauty has them.
So it is with great pleasure that I break them, and haunt them, casting out all that is not ugly from their hearts.
are you a drag queen belladonna or just a histrionic beeper
ReplyDeletegreat description of femme fatale, belladonna...
ReplyDeleteis it really you or the fantasy of belladonna? you tell very well, but you don't show. meaning no specific story, no example. no screenplay.
sceli, you made me imagine 3 bulls and a cow in a room, supposedly the cow is controlling. let the hormones start rolling and imagine the possibility of the damage 3 bulls could cause a cow. you were smart not to fall for that bullshit.
ReplyDeletei follow the logic behind "no power in actual sex". i fantasized about a man once--obsessively--he was a musician. one night at a show, he finally noticed me & we spent time together, but since i was seeing someone nothing sexual happened.
ReplyDeleteeventually, some weeks later, we kissed. but while that goal was achieved, the fantasies were never realized. the reality of the kiss showed how "in my head" would not line up with actual technique. it was a good kiss, but not the essential connection i had built it into in my mind.
granted, i still have a crush on this musician a decade or so later, but it's because i opted to leave things where they were--at a kiss.
Thank you, Snits. Oh, it's just the bare bones of a behind-the-scenes character outline for my little story in which the antagonist is not in fact beautiful, but plain, and seductively poised. I like the fantasy of her.
ReplyDeleteSex {appeal} is a great tool. It makes it so much easier to get my way. People want what they can't have. By planting the seed that there's something they can do to develop that chance... you can get all kinds of things you want. If they fall for it, exploit it.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't help that I'm rather appealing and in better shape than most. Use what ya got, I say.
This does get me in trouble sometimes though. Not so much with girls b/c I can up and leave and they're too self-conscious to chase me. Guys are trickier. Need better ways to slip back into the 'newp, don't need you anymore' mode, other than flat out telling them; b/c they may be useful again in the future.
:) I like it Belladonna. Would love to hear more of your character development. Maybe you'll give examples once in a while. In the meantime, here are very interesting movies where women are acting out their obsessions, and some subtle some not so subtle femme fatale natures:
ReplyDelete1. Gloomy Sunday. Watch a beautiful woman manipulate her husband to accept a lover in the picture, and her tactfully manage the two guys
2. All About Eve.. The story of a young woman befriending a diva and taking her position in a smooth progression
3. Sheer Madness A depressed woman controlled by her husband gets this mutually obsessive relationship with another woman
4. Sisters or the Balance of Happiness.. A loser sister completely submits to a high power executive sister. they both can't get out of the house, can't form relationship with others.
i wish i was sisters with soulful
ReplyDeleteOoh, I do love darkly emotional tales of psychological obsession. Thank you, Snits.
ReplyDeletei was obsessed with two relationships in my mind
ReplyDelete1. i wish I had an older sister who was as curious as i was (that's why soulful fits, like her i also have been chronically depressed because i did not have a fun match)
2. i wish i had a man with whom i produced results.
never fantasized about an older brother or a younger sister. hmmm, gotta think about that one...
i am more turned on by power than by an attractive person. Power is better than sex in every way. It fills your vines with blood and jump starts ever cell in your body. Power is an art, the world is the paper and i the artiest.
ReplyDeletei've been afraid if getting involved with powerful man because i'm a chicken shit when it comes to domestic abuse. somehow, seeing their aggressive capability i fear these men could beat me one day. if i only let this fear go my life could possibly improve.
ReplyDeleteis my fear completely unfounded? i hear UKan say he would not hurt his gf, but he also admitted that once he did lose control.
i also have fear of being around drunk people. somehow i think they can easily get out of hand and physically hurt me.
ladies, what's been your experience with powerful men?
don't know where I was, but I just realized I never read the April 19 blog.
ReplyDeleteI just saw
Kesu said...
the more cutesy and smiley a person is, the more i want to cut their fucking vagina out.
April 19, 2011 12:06 PM
See, now I'm really scared of not only powerful men, but even kesu.
I am not sure what you mean by "powerful man"? Do you mean financially/politically or just physically? Personally the powerful males i have met are not physically aggressive they work all day and rarely goes home. Some have concubines some don't. They don't drink unless for social reasons. They are purely devoted to their work. Imagine a Micheal Corleone. I personally am a sadist, but i would not hit my gf ever. First, the basic legal problems but also the social stigma. Second I think i am above this. Last week i was on a trip and was staying at a hotel. The husband in the next room was drunk and beating his wife. I heard her screaming and sobbing for around 40 mins. He repeatedly slapped her and hit her. As turned on as i was, i remember i made a promise to my self that i would become him. I really needed my sleep that night so i went over to the that room (the door was open) and there was 3 man there. Probably 2 are his buddies. I don't want to ever physically abuse my mates. No matter how good it must feel. Maybe because i wasn't raised in an abusive home?
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't become him.*
ReplyDeletebig difference
Sceli... that may or may not have been Kesu. People take his name all the time.
ReplyDeleteNot all men are abusers, same goes for powerful men. Depends on the arena of power I suppose. You can usually tell the men that need to physically dominate their partners though. If you notice him not allowing you to be your own person, that's a red flag. If you see him taking over your responsibilities or pressuring you to give up things you like, that's another. Watch for the signs and you can break it off before it's a problem.
well, my first reaction after I wrote the last thing above was 'that didn't sound like kesu,' if i just keep reading April 19 blog I may see that he says so, I thought.
ReplyDeleteInstead what i saw was a series of kesu statements, one worse than the other, quite hateful of women. i suspect kesu was drunk, and the part of kesu that was talking was the one who resented the control of four females around him when he was growing up.
very sad, but i still think kesu has beautiful sides of him, excellent articulations at times, his not denying at times that he's expressive like a woman, and i share his view that ME is probably a female.
now, the type of powerful man i am scared of is not the einsteins or the freuds. i am scared of the types who have that presence in any room they enter at the point of entry, during their stay, and even long after they left. those who let you dance to their rhtym. those who are not just narcissistic fluff but also execute and stay memorable. plus they are in great shape for the shape they are in, can be short but not fat.
wet, what did you say to these people in the room? You mean two guys were just watching this guy beat a woman, or all three beating the woman? talk about a freaky story.
ReplyDeleteMen are becoming pussified by todays media, everything is more feminine and tighter, what happened the good old fashioned wife beating HE-man? They are endangered.
ReplyDeletei'll take some self-defense classes and get some weapon that could stop but not kill a bear, lol...
ReplyDeletethose could ease my fears.
Any man that condones womens rights is a fucking faggot, women are dogs.
ReplyDeleteTHAT WASN'T ME WOMAN. Just an imposter. Now as far as domestic violence goes... As long as I'm not pushed to it I wouldn't do it. IF you push me though I will beat your ass. I had an ex over one day who intentionally ripped a booked because I wouldn't pay attention to her. She knew it would set me off since I hate having my shit broken or damaged. Well an argument ensued to the point where I socked her and pushed her down some stairs. After which I took her wallet and dragged her out of my house. Took her car and went and re-bought the book with her money. Then happily went back to reading when I got home. Like I said don't push me and I won't do it but if you really need to be put in your place I'll happily do it.
ReplyDeleteAlso if you don't see M.E. is a female now you are blind.
:) oh, this place is crazy. that imposter spent the whole day on the blog w/o you saying a word?
ReplyDeletetearing any of my books would also get an immediate throw out of my life as well, not physically but successfully. vicious, cowardly, pointless to take it out on a book.
actually, i've seen my mother push my dad into domestic abuse. i never blamed my dad for it, the she was stupidly asking for it and pushing some moronic issue. she also was using the beating afterwards to distance my siblings from my dad. but, despite the fact that i blamed her in my mind, plus I would never push the buttons in a stupid way, i still developed a fear of the potentiality in case the dominant guy is out of control for reasons that have nothing to do with me.
by the way, this is the first day i'm ever talking abut this thing. it's helping. i may rid of this fear sooner than later now.
anyone else here done domestic violence?
ReplyDeleteI could write a two part bestselling novel on all the abusive things I've done, if I have picked you out as a victim then you will have to do as I say, if you don't then I'll go further and further into depravation, I'll slit your pets throat or hang it in front of you if you think you can stand up to me.
ReplyDeleteadam, forgive me for saying this, but the reason i am not and would never be scared of you is that you don't fit the profile of the powerful man i am attracted to and want to get close to in the first place. but i like you as your big sister.
ReplyDeleteOne time I had gone out with with this girl and we went back her apartment. I popped this champagne bottle open and the cork flew off and cracked her tv screen. It was a complete accident but she flipped out about it. She took my shoes and my phone and locked herself in the bathroom with them. I tell her to come out but she doesn't listen and then she tells me that she's deleting all the contacts from my phone which understandably pissed me off. I bang on the door a few times but she's still not listening, so I just think fuck it, and I kick the door in. I grabbed my phone off her and then I see that my shoes are in the toilet so I flip out and slap the piss out of her. Then I get her phone from her bag and smash it on the sink next to were she was lying before leaving. I checked my phone and about half of my contacts were gone. Women don't usally provoke me as much a men so there's only been seven other incidents that I can remember where I've hit girls/girlfriends.
ReplyDeletewell, i felt no sadness for her. you may have saved her from making a bigger mistake in the future. what a bitch. what are these women thinking, i really wonder. i guess they just are not capable of thinking at the moment. i need a good phrase to describe such women, my english is not helping at the moment.
ReplyDeletedid the other seven also deserve it?
Yeah they all dis something wrong.
ReplyDeletemen can also be very stupid. like this one guy who asks me for anal sex, and I tell him that is off the discussion, he gets the message. we enjoy other stuff, have a great time, so keep doing it.
ReplyDeletebut then two weeks later he repeats the same question in the middle of sex. I stop right away, put him in the guest bedroom and tell him i want to sleep alone. we were both sexed out anyway at that point, it was late at night, so he had no problem falling asleep in the guest bedroom.
but an hour later i still was awake and unable to fall asleep, quite pissed off about his presence in my home.
i got up, woke him up, told him to get dressed and get out. he did.
i slept like a baby after that. he still talks to me, as an acquaintance.
'I grabbed my phone off her and then I see that my shoes are in the toilet so I flip out and slap the piss out of her.'
ReplyDeleteHahahaha, I like it.
From my perspective the loss of defined roles in society has allowed a state where women feel secure that many of their actions will go without real consequences. Since it is frowned on to hurt a woman physically many women believe that they won't be hurt. I'm sure we all remember as children having girls say you can't hit me. Like it was an impossible task. Now I'm not for the beating of women what so ever but I do believe that we all need to know that such things are possible and even deserved at times. Usually that chiding of you can't hit me would make me respond with the action that they said was impossible. I got a certain satisfaction out of the fact that I did what was impossible and the sheer surprise and pain they would feel when I laid them flat. I was always built well for my age. Father was a body builder and I was conceived at the height of his career in that area. So I was tall and broad shoulder my blows could deliver devastating result specially on girls who weren't use to such things. It is my belief that we should all know our limits. We should try to exceed them, but none the less know them.
ReplyDeleteNow I've seen one too many times males who lack what I call "bitch control". Basically the male is too passive. Let's things go that he should never let go. They have a hard time putting their foot down. Now for me I never sweat the small stuff. I'm usually happy not saying much of anything. I like the fact that I don't feel the need to communicate for the most part. It has the affect that when I do speak people know it is something they should listen to. I expect that too. I act the same way in relationships. Now the strangest compliment I've been given by women I'm in a relationship is that they like the fact that I will never put up with their shit. I stop it the moment it begins. I will not tolerate it but I'm not excessive about it. The first time I heard this it made me curious as to why? I mean I want to get away with everything I do. I came to the conclusion that people never really stop being children. They still test their boundaries and in doing so they need to be told no, you cannot do that, I will not allow it you to do it again, there will be consequences. It gives them a strange feeling of security. Like the world is more clearly defined so they know what they can and can't do.
stfu slut or i will take a supainjuncshun out against u but name u as a slut to the wooooooorld
ReplyDeleteIf i was the president, I'd line up all the hotties for miles for my choosing, women would still be opressed, they'd have no rights. Any critics of my regime would be executed, even if they criticised me on a blog they would be found, then I would look them in the eyes and say 'what is your problem?' before they die.
ReplyDeleteAdam, have you thought about being a footballer instead? You've got the brains for it.
ReplyDeleteI'm the exact opposite. I don't see males or females as being inferior or superior. They just have different tools. Mean where given physical prowess women were given sexuality. Women have a hard time fighting men physical men have a hard time resisting sexual temptation. Now that doesn't mean that women can't be violent and men can't use sexuality it is just the ease which one does is different.
ReplyDeleteGrrr
ReplyDeletei am in complete agreement, kesu.
ReplyDeletethe little 'mean' for 'man,' up there, not a Freudian slip, right?
LOL actually Sceli I thought that too. The truth is I generally don't like males. Which I think is from childhood most of the abuses I felt where from males. However all my friends are male. I don't believe in platonic relationships between the sexes. Someone always want to fuck the other one. If it isn't you it is them. I can't tell you how many times a female "friend" wound up sucking me off when I got drunk and they were sober.
ReplyDeletea whole one time?
ReplyDeletekesu, i believe that. i have a good looking male friend who tells me the same about women. they literally line up for him, he goes to their place, gets sucked off and leaves, without touching them, returning no interest. he does not even undress, just opens up his fly.
ReplyDeletebut, there lies a danger in there, and that is to be constantly disappointed in women. plus he wanted to get somewhere with me but because he never needed to learn to please a woman I had no patience or interest in dealing with him. I could tell immediately (without needing to get naked) that he knew nothing about pleasing a woman. we talked it out, accepted our realities, and stayed friends.
i take responsibility in that i also may have chosen loser (nondominant) males because of my fear of physical aggression. maybe that's why males have been mostly a disappointment.
no more though. my next guy will be a powerful one.
a hole one time remark , was not me.
ReplyDelete"Adam, have you thought about being a footballer instead? You've got the brains for it."
ReplyDeletei'd say he's got the brains to be president. (:
i used to believe that men and women could be friends. not once i hid my interest in a man under the disguise of a friend. i also several times stopped being friends with men once they opened up.
ReplyDeleteno more. literally for less than a one year now, slowly I am developing an attitude of men and women can't be friends. i will spend my time with a man only if he has some use for me sexually or otherwise (learning from the ruling class, or the sociopaths, on my way to become one myself). time is too short to waste on idealistic nonpractical disappointments.
no idea why, but i am now in need of a nap, at least want to be in bed, in my private space.
enjoy the rest of the day.
Thank you Kesu. Thank you sceli. Tonight you are the teachers.
ReplyDeleteHeart opening discussions today . . . .
ReplyDeleteSceli said . . . "i am scared of the types who have that presence in any room they enter at the point of entry, during their stay, and even long after they left. those who let you dance to their rhtym. those who are not just narcissistic fluff but also execute and stay memorable. plus they are in great shape."
You are either taking about yourself (shadow or known) or you are speaking about your opposite polarity. Fear speaks volumes.
Yet those are the types who are driven mad by a capricious female. I am sure ME is intrigued by what he/she cannot contain or control in this obsession more than what he/she can. Mystery attracts like moth to a flame.
Play hard, fall hard, recover stronger. And dance in the fantasy of sexual ambrosia with laughter, tears and gratitude.
soulful i feel bad for ur kids, you are a nutcase
ReplyDeleteWelcome to poetry class.
ReplyDeletemen and women CAN be just friends, but only if they've tried to be more and then realised they don't want more. then there's no thought of "i wonder what it would be like..."
ReplyDeleteUnless the sex was good. Enjoyable things are rarely things people only do once. Plus I can't think of an ex that I've spent time with as a friend that didn't end up right back in the bedroom.
ReplyDeletesoulful, you are right, that fits the description of me in my mind, and i'm fully aware of that. i'm pretty much looking for 'me' with a dick at this point in my life.
ReplyDeletein my old life I thought it was the right thing to do to stay friends after the relationship ended, in the new one, what's the point? what do i care? that would be the right strategy for a male, but not female.
i never recycled, and would not recycle any one of them at this point. in the past those who still hung around almost all showed some resentment at some point that I did not care for. plus, i hardly slept with with a man who lives where I live. I keep long distance relationships when it comes to sex, much easier to avoid obsessions.
i have female friends who sleep with their exes when they get a booty call. then they cry their heart out because the man is only there based on his convenience. women can be total losers and needy in this regard. and to repeat the same shit over and over and over. what do you want woman, i wonder, a certificate to accept the truth?
Kesu, what happens if a woman tells you "no"? In a situation like you discribed before, where it's stepping over her boundries.
ReplyDeleteAnon @225pm, my kids are off limits. (Mother bear growl) Good breeding stock, great environment, supportive community. I have made my choices well. Any eccentricities in myself or family members are given unconditional love. Parenting and long relationships are hard work. And require deep spiritual and daily grunt work. Most of you wouldn't last a day. Its a crucible, as are all aspects of love. One can wear many hats well. You wish I was your mother.
ReplyDeleteCan men and women be friends, yes and sometimes better friends if they have slept together. I grew up with boys as best friends. I enjoy their natural logic, and inner peter pan mischief. It depends if I have a soul connection. Soul connections can be a tribunal. Who hasn't cried? Who hasn't been brought down to their knees?
ReplyDeleteSceli"women can be total losers and needy in this regard. and to repeat the same shit over and over and over. what do you want woman, i wonder, a certificate to accept the truth?"
Self Confidence and the ability to recenter whatever life throws at you regarding relationships is power.
Men who have women friends are seen as feminine or gay, it's true in many ways. These men usually express their emotions around the female friends.
ReplyDeletei also grew up as a tom boy. men are great to have around, to do things with, as in biking, skiing, diving. if those are called friends i have many, only in their roles, activity partners really. they are not integrated into my life as 'friends.' friend is not a term to easily throw around.
ReplyDeletei'll never forget the reaction of a tough guy who wanted to sleep with me and i told him i only wanted to be friends. he said that he has friends and in his mind his friends were ready to die with/for him and he paused and looked at me his eyes asking what I had in mind exactly. long enough for me to appreciate what the term really should mean.
it is like love. some say i love you very easily, and most say friends very easily.
soul connection with someone you slept with... like the father of your children? how has that worked for you?
Would you describe love as being more scary or exciting?
ReplyDeleteI've never fully grasped the concept of people who claim that you can't just be friends with someone of the opposite sex, but my tastes are pretty grey. Usually not strong attraction to anyone, and not picky about which sex it is. I can't imagine having sexual tension with every woman I got to know well, how weird must that be?
ReplyDeleteME, I understand that weird obsession. I get it once in a while, and it sticks out like a soar thumb if it isn't handled one way or another. I had the good fortune of the last person this happened with ended up moving very far away from me. Out of sight and out of mind helps a lot, so does lack of contact.
It's sort of like a predatory thing, but it's not about love or violence, just very intense interest. That must sound strange, but that's the best way I can put it. It can be attraction, though. It has been once for me, and luckily I eased that obsession by dating that person.
I live an unusual life with quite a normal cover. A balance of some common sense restrictions mixed with a voracious curiosity. It works. And there is always a soul connection for the ones who stick like tar ;-)
ReplyDeleteFYI Great reference on sexually empowered guilt-free female life histories. (no needy chicks listed)
"Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and Their Lost Art of Love" by Betsy Prioleau
Fun read. Wide lens.
Compass of a woman. A class of it's own, beyond sociopathy.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteM.E. wrote...
ReplyDeleteI only *want* to have this person, and if I have to sacrifice some of my power and control to get them, it's not worth it. But I want this person so much and it's been for so long, it has been a thorn in my side.
i'm not sure i understand the issue with power. if you *get* them wouldn't that add to your power and control, or at least not take away from it? keeping them might be a different story. then you might have to give up some power, or even a lot if they dominate you. but couldn't you just leave them afterward and reclaim your power?
the only risk that i can see is to your obsession.
this person is larger than life now. the cost of getting them would be losing the obsession, the fantasy of them and the mental energy that comes from the fantasy. also if they reject you, to some degree you risk losing the fantasy of you. although i suppose in that case you could still keep trying to get them and at least keep the fantasy of them.
i say go for it M.E. if it doesn't work out there will be the mental room for a new obsession. :)
NO, it is the fear that once you "get" them, you cannot keep them.
ReplyDeleteBecause once they know all there is to know about you, where is the mystery?
Male friends are better because you can dress nice , and they can take you out and parade you around their friends to show you off, like a new car. YOu get to become everyone's friend, because his smart friends are so wonderful, and all their friends are nice to you, because you are fun, and they see he is happy. He must be getting good pussy. No, but it's fun to pretend.
Once in while you fuck llke you're in heat, and one or both of you thinks it should be permanent. THen fear sets in.
.......................................
i once told a boy I really really loved so much, that I didn't want to see him one day. He accused me of wanting to make the heart grow fonder. He pointed his finger at me, and shouted, "YOU! You want a longterm relationship" I said I wasn't sure what I wanted. Then my sister friends told me men don't ever want to hear from woman "I don't know what I want"
I decided that that was the truth, and now I test them furiously to find out whether they want me or whether they "want" me.
Because once you've had a taste, you should know if you want me.
THen i have another man I loved who says "well... what is your favorite food?" I say filet mignon. He says "HOw would YOU like to have filet mignon every single night?
I shove shit in his face, and say OK. Come over once a month. Again, "YOU! You! You want a long term relationship!! "
I finally say 'Yes. Yes I do"
And that is the end of us.
They want me all the time or else they threaten to cheat. I give rope, they hang themselves.
ReplyDeleteAND I don't want to be crowded, bitches
Adam, do you have a father?
ReplyDeleteanonymous said...
ReplyDeleteNO, it is the fear that once you "get" them, you cannot keep them.
Because once they know all there is to know about you, where is the mystery?
there should always be some mystery. think of an elaborate dinner that you plan and serve to a very special guest. would you serve all the courses at once? would you serve the same course again and again? or would you arrange the dishes in an appealing order and pace them strategically, giving your guest time to reflect on the last one served and anticipate and wonder what the next one would be. the relationships ends when the dinner is over. if you want it to keep going you have to make sure that there is always another dish to serve, something a little different each time.
Catch and Release
ReplyDeleteBefore I pull your hair and leave you for dead
I will ravish you
not physically, but with words sensuous and firm
with sibilance rolling off my chameleon tongue
and metaphors byzantine and allusive pitched
to that intimate space between your ears.
I will watch you wriggle with denial,
claw with anger, bargain for release,
splash like a drowning animal in hopelessness.
And when I observe the contour of your acceptance,
the precise moment your will bends pliantly to mine
I will release you.
Game over.