Well, this is the internet, brag too much and people won't take you serious anymaore. So I try to at least act humble. I'm really an arrogant tosser. :)
Hello ladies and gents. It's been a while, I'm going to go ahead and assume there's lots of 'new faces' around here, it's even possible the entire dynamic has changed but I doubt it. I'm sure it will be delightful talking to you all, though I do hope some of my previous acquaintances are still around.
P.s. I never listen to the songs, they have a habit of being mediocre.
I think the real question was why does your mother have a PD? What were her parents like?
You blame her for yours. I think it's very interesting that you blame your mother for how you turned out, but act like she has a PD for no reason at all. She was just born that way?
I found this comment posted in an old blog, by someone named Peter Pan:
"What you are is a god damn self-obsessed, damaged idiot. Stop obsessing over how you think and what you do, and start thinking of ways to get what you want. If you want to be more thoughtful, be more thoughtful. Come up with plans to do so. If you want to be more rotten, be more rotten. Come up with a plan. Live your life, because let me tell you, you're not that interesting. It would be a huge waste of your life to sit around thinking about yourself all the time."
Since this place is boring as hell I decided to import some more controversy. Zwaq's latest post: And after all, I lied about killing people, I lied about being abusive to people, I lied about destroying people emotionally and psychologically, I lied about stealing music, I have lied about raping, I have lied about committing break and entry, I have failed at conning, I lied about robbing, and I have also lied about many other things that I need not list here.
THere are a few new names about here, and certainly a different style from 3 months ago when I last read the comments. Ukan and i love tn are the only ones I recognise.. The song is quite good, but he/she posted it about 5 months back. Reminded me to download it again
I came in guns blazing. People who think Ive gotten angrier either forgot my first comments or haven't been here long. I raise the tension in here and lower it when I get what I want. I don't get angry when I'm posting anything I get excited. My words and tones mask what I'm feeling inside. One time I was on the cell phone with my business partner yelling at him, meanwhile I was looking at my wife with a huge smile laughing to her silently. She acted odd the whole day after that. Made me wonder if she thought I had done that to her.
Peter Pan, that was one of the few who stood solo up with grace, humor and rare intelligence against brute mindfuckery. Unfortunately or fortunately, he saw the futility of mind numbing, dragging rhetorical arguments with a gang comprising no other than the infamous Daniel Birdick and a few regulars ladies and left.
"Unfortunately or fortunately, he saw the futility of mind numbing, dragging rhetorical arguments with a gang comprising no other than the infamous Daniel Birdick and a few regulars ladies and left."
Or mabye he just had shit to do? Or if that is the case then why are you still here? Why aren't you as smart as Peter Pan?
"You and Mis, seem the same to me."
Yeah I can see why you'd think that. Even when I come across different my approach is the same.
The other thing is that alot of people come here expecting exceptence and are more than happy to shift their opinions when they don't get it. Some people come here to have their bullshit beliefs about themselves reaffirmed.
Erin, tell me why beating up a man is worse than beating up a child or a woman. It's stupid how people are all for women and children and leave us men out in the cold.
Why would you consider them men in the sense that they are mate material for you? Why even put them in that category? Because of your ex? DId your ex hit you, Erin?
What if I told you I beat the shit out of one of my ex boyfriends, and I didn't have a justified reason for doing so... would you lose all respect for me? Or do the rules change?
Because it's pathetic. They're so unhappy with themselves that they need other people to support them. That's why I think alot of people fake sociopathy or other conditions. They want to find away to explain their fucked up behaviour so they twist the conditions into something that suits them. Notice how many people who come here claiming to be sociopaths are also loners and outcasts (Dave). In reality their just losers. Out of all of them sociopathy looks the "coolest" at first glance so they go for that one.
"To me, when Mis and Ukan justified beating up a woman"
I'm not trying to justify it. I don't care. Take your standards somewhere else.
"I am just saying that that turns me off, totally and would be the end,for me, with any man, if he talked like that."
Yes because I do generally mention the women I've beaten to other women I meet. That turns them on. ~
That's a mistake that alot of people make here. They think we talk like this in real life. And you love abusive partners, Erin. Don't lie to me.
Well I want to change, Gag. I want to leave and be better and not come here every day. I like what Peter Pan had to say. Where are his other quotes? Just search his name?
took me months to understand my current environment i now understand that i am somewhat delusional and easily manipulated by others that can get me to trust them i never trusted anyone i should have figured it out the alpha and the omega is me captain obvious signing out.
You want me to see me in that statement 119 ? Because I do. I do. SO what now ? I leave and I am all better? I am supposed to figure this all out myself, huh?
So Bella was right. You lose respect for them if you see them as a potential mate, but it doesn't matter to you when you're not attracted. How convenient.
The book brains, are funny to me. Such an air about them, as though snobbery, and arrogance is automatically equal to being a socio.
I notice a lot of people come here with very similar backgrounds. A charmed life, I guess you could say. I'd say that so many educated people, who come from money, frequenting a sociopath blog, is not something to be ignored. Maybe there's some trend I wasn't aware of.
Trend: I wear Gucci, drive a Mercedes, and debate politics and religion, on my favorite sociopath blog.
It's possible to be a sociopath, and come from any background, I'm sure... but money, education, snobbery, and arrogance, handed over by right of birth, does not a "High Functioning Sociopath", make.
It's you're ability to shift within any structure, and come out on top, that makes you high functioning.
It's easy to see yourself as superior to others, when you've always gotten to sit on some thrown. Let's see what you do when you're in with the wild animals. How will you debate your way out of such primitive brutality?
Just an opinion I felt the need to throw out there, after sifting through the "old" SW
I think the bad boys think I am an attention whore. They don't like me because I had a bf I loved but he dumped me for standing up to him. Now these guys think I want their attention. I was missing him when I came here and now I am not.
But I am very sure that I am borderline. I cry all the time, and I am lonely in my head. I have noise in my head, I need to have company or some kind of stimulation all the time to keep from being depressed. But these people here are cruel sometimes. I am a fragile strong person. It is a strangeness. I am constantly aware of my head. I am alone in my head and my head feels like it will explode sometimes. All I want too do is cry But people here tell me that I am bleeding and to stay away if I am. I don't feel like I am bleeding. I feel strong and weak together. But it still hurts. I am depressed. I am morose and then switch and become erratic mess. I embarrass myself . I have no off switch.
Then they tell me I am a narcissist, too. But I am not a braggadocio or a control freak. I am self involved because I am stuck but I don't feel like narcissist at all.
TNP cut on me the other day. He said I wanted his attention so badly.
I have a small benign history with him. He hurt me. He was calling Erin a histrionic and I think he was using erin to talk to me. That is narcissistic, but I have a feeling he knows I listen in when he is doing a number, playing on my paranoia.
I guess I did have a crush on him and then he rejected me badly. Now he doesn't like me because he hates people who are weak and who latch onto him. It hurt that's all . Maybe I made him into my father.
There are numerous examples from the Nazis in World War II of SS officers who carried out evil atrocities in the name of one of the most infamous malignant narcissists, Adolf Hitler. Born into another life, these codependents would most probably have attached themselves to narcissists, but not the malignant variety. They would have behaved unethically, gone against their own beliefs and principles in an attempt to regulate the world around their narcissist. In these circumstances the behavior of the Codependent may be unethical, dishonest, corrupt, amoral, devious, cheating, and deceitful in the employ of his unprincipled narcissist, but not evil.
If you are in fact, the same Bella who didn't give a shit what TNP had to say. You are the perfect example of the woman from the snake story. If you knew he was a snake from the beginning, you can't blame him when he bites you. It makes no fucking sense.
How many times are people reminded of what kind of blog this is? Be reasonable, if that's possible!
Ah. Well if it is in your nature, then continue on. And he will do what is in his nature, and so will we all... That's why I don't believe in evil. I only believe in nature.
Erin said... You know what surprises me about this place. It is very moral.
September 4, 2011 10:33 AM
I know one socio-path that is exact like this. He always transmit that idea that is very amoral or rebel, and he ends up to be the one in more control in general.
There is nothing evil about nature. Humans only see it that way because they think they're above it, and also because they fear loss of control, and death.
not quite , Eden. he said that after he threatened me. that was to save his ass because he knows i can be a loose cannon. i won't belabor this anymore, though.
Because some questions seem like they're being thrown out there before the one doing the asking, has even thought about it.
Like when people ask me if it hurt to get the tattoo on my hand. Are you asking me if I like pain; if it was manageable pain, or if I felt nothing?
I always reply: Have you ever had a needle penetrate your skin?
September 4, 2011 4:25 PM
Every one knows the world is not square, and the question I made it was not thrown, and the question I made is very simple. Is the same as if I asked if you are able to survive from nature with out eating meat, would you kill for food anyway.
Well I'm confused. I don't get how people can develop a crush over the internet, or be truly hurt by someone over the internet. Especially here? Seems so bizarre and unbalanced to me.
It's like taking a Bret Easton Ellis novel personally, or as a personal attack. Weird.
You are such a drama queen, Bella. Playing the victim? Typical. Most of my exchange with you was giving you advice and input on your ex.
The wild carnival ride of bullshit, conspiracy, slander and false identities, hell, full false blogs you maintained for months, were completely your machinations. Your own fantasy land in which you created.
You tried to find the devil but what you found was a man. So you created your own devils and tried to become one yourself, handcrafting a persona from those you admired the most.
Some people would call that flattery or obsession. I call it, you being a stupid, crazy bitch. Oh, what are you now, BPD? Jesus, woman, you're a nobody. A nothing. When you have to create your own madness, that's a whole new level of crazy.
This is like when notme was constantly all over TNP and would get all upset when he wouldn't reply to her emails right away. And all that histrionic flirting stuff. So weird.
What is it about you TNP that makes girls nuts? Is it just that your email address is accessible, so you seem more 'real'?
The needy desperate types have internet crushes. The types who are happy to give away 10 grand when the random guy they met on the internet suddenly needs surgery.
Medusa, I don't know what it is I do. I don't fault or despise anyone for falling for me, or enjoying my company, that would be arrogant even by my standards.
But when someone goes completely off the goddamn deep end, and the only thing I did was akin to saying, Your ex was a sociopath, he's not good for you, but you're a big girl and can do what you want, illicits the complete whacked out bullshit train she's been riding for the last nine months, one has to wonder what is real and what isn't.
It is perfectly possible for me to be kind and helpful to others. It is possible for me to be deliberately manipulative of them too. But when you're known as a sociopath, they always assume the worst, as if you're stupid or arrogant enough to try to play them after telling the woman you're a serpent.
A narcissist revels in bullshit like that, not a sociopath.
As far as this drama queen goes, falling for me? Really? You have a funny way of showing it. Trying to get me in legal trouble, spreading lies about me to other people in the community, then doing the same to them and trying to use me as a vessel of your pseudo retribution, as if I would have cared?
Woman, there was a reason I stopped talking to you. You aren't a skilled liar, you aren't a user and an abuser. You're just poison, to everyone and everything around you, including yourself. You need to be the hero or the victim, so you spend all your time and energy making fake villains to hurt you, or that you can defeat.
It is Beyond pathetic. Someone break out a thesaurus...
I don't see any of these men flirting, or trying to make themselves seem sexy, Erin... I think that makes it pretty obvious they don't come here trying to court.
So for anyone to attach themselves to a character here, in an emotional way, seems pretty cray to me. Where is the seduction luring you in?
The less composed BPD girls here seem to do this. They turn text into intimacy. False intimacy, but I guess they can't tell the difference.
I'm not saying it has anything to do with any special qualities TNP has. I think it's just that he is more accessible whereas most other people here are not.
Personally I have no desire to communicate with anyone here aside from through the blog.
M.E. even tried to once engage in conversation with me quite a while back and I just ignored it (sorry M.E., I'm just not keen on crossing that reality line).
It could be, Medusa. I've flirted with people before, but not Bella. Not even once, not even a playful move or hint. She's so far gone, it passes the point of humor and dives into the realms of unhinged reality.
I wouldn't fault someone with BPD for accidentally or inadvertently falling for someone. That's part of their PD.
No Erin, you can only know a piece of a person through text. And usually it's an idealized piece.
No face, no mannerisms to clue you into what's real. No room for 'gut feelings', no way to read in between the lines.
I would think being into metaphysics you would get this. There is no 'soul' in text. Only the soul of the text is in text, or the soul of an idea, but not the soul of the person.
I'm sure you will find a way to twist it all to fit into your worldview though.
"I flirt by text, therefore it is real" or some sorta backwards logic type of shit.
Yes, I do have a better handle on sensing BPD than you do, Medusa. I lived with one, and was in a relationship for a few years with one.
I know their thought patterns, their behavior, their eccentricities, speech patterns, et cetera. And those I've met online with BPD fit a similar mold. Erin does not. Bella does not.
In fact, I've had the exs of sociopaths contact me quite frequently, and a certain percentage of them were BPD. You can just tell after a while.
I dunno, Medusa. Maybe you should hook up with your beeper roommate and we can share our experiences after the fact. Maybe right a book? 60/40 of course, we can't break the mold of women making less than men for the same job.
My point was, you were so easily fooled by words, via Eden. You can go on retroactively pretending you felt something was wrong in your gut, but I don't believe it for a second. Even if you did, clearly it wasn't enough for you to take seriously it's existence.
I used to prefer texting myself. But then I dated a guy who would only communicate by text, because he was hiding behind it. He could not be real, so he hid behind words.
Words don't mean shit!
I rarely text these days. And no way am I ever going to have a serious conversation by text again.
Erin, of course, illustrating my point for me. It fits a mold, but not BPD.
I did have fun with her, but it wasn't use use use. We loved each other. We dealt with each other's shit. We survived a lot of crap that most couples don't. Beepers may appear to be hurt by everything, but the fact is that although many things may cause them to react, very little truly stabs them.
Unfortunately, all beepers have a self-destruct sequence. You'll never meet one that lives happily ever after. It's part of their sickness.
Yep, you're right, I am doing it on purpose. I don't like them, and I won't give them the satisfaction or the knowledge that I do have about them. I want them to wallow in their ignorance, but I won't let them float through fantasy.
To the Anon and partially, Medusa. It's probably not what you think. When you're a sociopath, everyone is an object. But some objects mean something, some are valuable, rare, and worth protecting and nurturing. She was. She no longer is. That doesn't change what we went through, though.
I can't change my nature. I can't change what I am. I'd be lying to you if I told you I wanted to, too. But I can feel things, and feel them deeply. There's more to emotions than empathy.
In the old days when people were pen pals before they got to know each other,I think that was a real way to know someone's heart. I guess,people can disagree on this. I love words.I am crazy about words as I am a Gemini."
LOL
This is how my father landed my step-mother! He was a pin pal with her for two years! Try another one, Erin.
Plus, I recall you admitting that after I revealed it was me who was the "Smooth Anon", as you referred to me... you cried the hardest you have ever, since coming here.
Besides, it's not like those with HPD are actually going around being victorianly hysterical all the time, fainting and doing chicken-dances or the seven veils to get attention.
Comments are unmoderated. Blog owner is not responsible for third party content. By leaving comments on the blog, commenters give license to the blog owner to reprint attributed comments in any form.
This song is awesome!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletei think your humbleness is what saved you from the regular hazing, wheatly.
ReplyDeleteit's amazing how people here with ego's the size of alaska get peeved when anyone else seems a little bit full of themself.
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ReplyDeleteWell, this is the internet, brag too much and people won't take you serious anymaore. So I try to at least act humble. I'm really an arrogant tosser. :)
ReplyDelete@Wheatley
ReplyDeleteyes...yes you are.
This is the happiest of songs!
ReplyDeleteMy day has been made.
Hello ladies and gents.
ReplyDeleteIt's been a while, I'm going to go ahead and assume there's lots of 'new faces' around here, it's even possible the entire dynamic has changed but I doubt it.
I'm sure it will be delightful talking to you all, though I do hope some of my previous acquaintances are still around.
P.s. I never listen to the songs, they have a habit of being mediocre.
fuck off bitch
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ReplyDelete@Erin
ReplyDeleteI think the real question was why does your mother have a PD? What were her parents like?
You blame her for yours. I think it's very interesting that you blame your mother for how you turned out, but act like she has a PD for no reason at all. She was just born that way?
I found this comment posted in an old blog, by someone named Peter Pan:
ReplyDelete"What you are is a god damn self-obsessed, damaged idiot. Stop obsessing over how you think and what you do, and start thinking of ways to get what you want. If you want to be more thoughtful, be more thoughtful. Come up with plans to do so. If you want to be more rotten, be more rotten. Come up with a plan. Live your life, because let me tell you, you're not that interesting. It would be a huge waste of your life to sit around thinking about yourself all the time."
This made me :)
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ReplyDeleteDull day.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to keep reading the old shit.
cute song
ReplyDeleteBack to the good 'ol days when even the Anons were eloquent and insightful. :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI like going back and reading when people first come in and trying to spot which anon they were before they took up a name.
ReplyDeleteSince this place is boring as hell I decided to import some more controversy.
ReplyDeleteZwaq's latest post:
And after all, I lied about killing people, I lied about being abusive to people, I lied about destroying people emotionally and psychologically, I lied about stealing music, I have lied about raping, I have lied about committing break and entry, I have failed at conning, I lied about robbing, and I have also lied about many other things that I need not list here.
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@UKan
ReplyDeleteThe old is a window into the new.
I've seen people change the tune they first sang. I wouldn't have known just skimming off the top.
You and Mis, seem the same to me.
I trust that, and nothing else.
The inside of me never seems to change, only my will to preserve it.
'You and Mis, seem the same to me.'
ReplyDeleteyou mean the same person, or that neither of them have changed???
Awesome
ReplyDeleteBadass
Useful
Seriously cool
Exciting
Neither of them seem to have changed.
ReplyDeleteOther people have made comments about UKan changing. I just don't see that. Energy levels may change, but the personality remains constant.
Indeed eden. Never a truer word spoken.
ReplyDelete^ about the will to preserve
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTHere are a few new names about here, and certainly a different style from 3 months ago when I last read the comments. Ukan and i love tn are the only ones I recognise.. The song is quite good, but he/she posted it about 5 months back. Reminded me to download it again
ReplyDeleteI came in guns blazing. People who think Ive gotten angrier either forgot my first comments or haven't been here long. I raise the tension in here and lower it when I get what I want.
ReplyDeleteI don't get angry when I'm posting anything I get excited. My words and tones mask what I'm feeling inside. One time I was on the cell phone with my business partner yelling at him, meanwhile I was looking at my wife with a huge smile laughing to her silently. She acted odd the whole day after that. Made me wonder if she thought I had done that to her.
Preserve: to keep alive, intact, or free from decay
ReplyDeleteThat is no slip.
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ReplyDeleteThis song is very amusing.
ReplyDeletePeter Pan, that was one of the few who stood solo up with grace, humor and rare intelligence against brute mindfuckery. Unfortunately or fortunately, he saw the futility of mind numbing, dragging rhetorical arguments with a gang comprising no other than the infamous Daniel Birdick and a few regulars ladies and left.
ReplyDelete"Unfortunately or fortunately, he saw the futility of mind numbing, dragging rhetorical arguments with a gang comprising no other than the infamous Daniel Birdick and a few regulars ladies and left."
ReplyDeleteOr mabye he just had shit to do? Or if that is the case then why are you still here? Why aren't you as smart as Peter Pan?
"You and Mis, seem the same to me."
Yeah I can see why you'd think that. Even when I come across different my approach is the same.
The other thing is that alot of people come here expecting exceptence and are more than happy to shift their opinions when they don't get it. Some people come here to have their bullshit beliefs about themselves reaffirmed.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you want, I love tn? Do you still call yourself a psychopath? What happened to your arrogant blog?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with that, Mis?
ReplyDeleteAnd what would be wrong if you wanted your beliefs about yourself to be changed ?
SOCIO = MEGA DOUCHE
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ReplyDeleteErin, tell me why beating up a man is worse than beating up a child or a woman. It's stupid how people are all for women and children and leave us men out in the cold.
ReplyDeleteWhy would you consider them men in the sense that they are mate material for you? Why even put them in that category? Because of your ex? DId your ex hit you, Erin?
ReplyDelete@Erin
ReplyDeleteWhat if I told you I beat the shit out of one of my ex boyfriends, and I didn't have a justified reason for doing so... would you lose all respect for me? Or do the rules change?
"To me, when Mis and Ukan justified beating up a woman, all interest in them as men, was gone, for me."
ReplyDeleteTypical beeper.
Because it's pathetic. They're so unhappy with themselves that they need other people to support them. That's why I think alot of people fake sociopathy or other conditions. They want to find away to explain their fucked up behaviour so they twist the conditions into something that suits them. Notice how many people who come here claiming to be sociopaths are also loners and outcasts (Dave). In reality their just losers. Out of all of them sociopathy looks the "coolest" at first glance so they go for that one.
ReplyDelete"To me, when Mis and Ukan justified beating up a woman"
I'm not trying to justify it. I don't care. Take your standards somewhere else.
"I am just saying that that turns me off, totally and would be the end,for me, with any man, if he talked like that."
Yes because I do generally mention the women I've beaten to other women I meet. That turns them on. ~
That's a mistake that alot of people make here. They think we talk like this in real life. And you love abusive partners, Erin. Don't lie to me.
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ReplyDeleteWell I want to change, Gag. I want to leave and be better and not come here every day. I like what Peter Pan had to say. Where are his other quotes? Just search his name?
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing like choking the shit out of a vulnerable woman while fucking her.
ReplyDeleteI hit things like doors too.
ReplyDeletetook me months to understand my current environment i now understand that i am somewhat delusional and easily manipulated by others that can get me to trust them
ReplyDeletei never trusted anyone i should have figured it out
the alpha and the omega is me
captain obvious signing out.
118 lol
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ReplyDelete119 whattt??
ReplyDelete@1:18 Turns me on too
ReplyDeleteYou want me to see me in that statement 119 ? Because I do. I do. SO what now ? I leave and I am all better? I am supposed to figure this all out myself, huh?
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should all go and auto asphyxiate all day then.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the alpha and the omega?
ReplyDeleteObvious.
ReplyDeleteThat is a fucking understatement.
You broke it you bought it.
FUcking shit
ReplyDeleteEat my shit. Choke on a corn kernel. Suck down some bile
ReplyDeleteNo one will ever hurt me again.
ReplyDeleteSo Bella was right. You lose respect for them if you see them as a potential mate, but it doesn't matter to you when you're not attracted. How convenient.
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ReplyDeleteI really don't see why someone would come here looking for acceptance.
ReplyDeleteAnd now David's just deleting posts to piss me of...
@Erin
ReplyDeleteI'd be more curious to know why your attitude towards me has changed so much, over what it would take to get you to "throw" me away, now that it has.
You despised me.
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ReplyDeleteggggg
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI really don't see why someone would come here looking for acceptance.
ReplyDeleteI don't think troubled people want acceptance so much as comfort.
I feel very troubled, and I can' talk to most people about it.
The book brains, are funny to me. Such an air about them, as though snobbery, and arrogance is automatically equal to being a socio.
ReplyDeleteI notice a lot of people come here with very similar backgrounds. A charmed life, I guess you could say. I'd say that so many educated people, who come from money, frequenting a sociopath blog, is not something to be ignored. Maybe there's some trend I wasn't aware of.
Trend: I wear Gucci, drive a Mercedes, and debate politics and religion, on my favorite sociopath blog.
It's possible to be a sociopath, and come from any background, I'm sure... but money, education, snobbery, and arrogance, handed over by right of birth, does not a "High Functioning Sociopath", make.
It's you're ability to shift within any structure, and come out on top, that makes you high functioning.
It's easy to see yourself as superior to others, when you've always gotten to sit on some thrown. Let's see what you do when you're in with the wild animals. How will you debate your way out of such primitive brutality?
Just an opinion I felt the need to throw out there, after sifting through the "old" SW
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ReplyDeletehey I love tn i missed you! :DDDD
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMYVpFwLRIk
ReplyDeleteUnrelated, but it looks really fucking awesome.
ReplyDeleteI think the bad boys think I am an attention whore. They don't like me because I had a bf I loved but he dumped me for standing up to him. Now these guys think I want their attention. I was missing him when I came here and now I am not.
ReplyDeleteBut I am very sure that I am borderline. I cry all the time, and I am lonely in my head. I have noise in my head, I need to have company or some kind of stimulation all the time to keep from being depressed. But these people here are cruel sometimes. I am a fragile strong person. It is a strangeness. I am constantly aware of my head. I am alone in my head and my head feels like it will explode sometimes. All I want too do is cry But people here tell me that I am bleeding and to stay away if I am. I don't feel like I am bleeding. I feel strong and weak together. But it still hurts. I am depressed. I am morose and then switch and become erratic mess. I embarrass myself . I have no off switch.
Then they tell me I am a narcissist, too. But I am not a braggadocio or a control freak. I am self involved because I am stuck but I don't feel like narcissist at all.
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ReplyDelete@Wheatley
ReplyDeletenice
@Bella
ReplyDeleteWhere is this coming from?
Did someone cut you on here today, and I missed it?
I guess I don't understand the borderline person. These perceived wrongs, are not within my range of sight I guess.
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ReplyDeleteTNP cut on me the other day. He said I wanted his attention so badly.
ReplyDeleteI have a small benign history with him. He hurt me. He was calling Erin a histrionic and I think he was using erin to talk to me. That is narcissistic, but I have a feeling he knows I listen in when he is doing a number, playing on my paranoia.
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ReplyDeleteshut up you cunts, jesus christ who cares!?
ReplyDeleteI guess I did have a crush on him and then he rejected me badly. Now he doesn't like me because he hates people who are weak and who latch onto him. It hurt that's all . Maybe I made him into my father.
ReplyDeletelick the juice running forth from my crevice
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ReplyDeleteyes,i know. thank you for listening.
ReplyDeleteThere are numerous examples from the Nazis in World War II of SS officers who carried out evil atrocities in the name of one of the most infamous malignant narcissists, Adolf Hitler. Born into another life, these codependents would most probably have attached themselves to narcissists, but not the malignant variety. They would have behaved unethically, gone against their own beliefs and principles in an attempt to regulate the world around their narcissist. In these circumstances the behavior of the Codependent may be unethical, dishonest, corrupt, amoral, devious, cheating, and deceitful in the employ of his unprincipled narcissist, but not evil.
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ReplyDeleteBella,
ReplyDeleteIf you are in fact, the same Bella who didn't give a shit what TNP had to say.
You are the perfect example of the woman from the snake story.
If you knew he was a snake from the beginning, you can't blame him when he bites you.
It makes no fucking sense.
How many times are people reminded of what kind of blog this is? Be reasonable, if that's possible!
3:42 Do you think tnp is a malignant narcissist?
ReplyDeleteI don't know. He never struck me as overly narcissistic.
ReplyDeleteOh I do know. If you read the emails between us you'd see I do know. I approached him. Yes, I ask for trouble . It is in my nature.
ReplyDeleteEden, some of that the other day was a fake Bella but whatev
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ReplyDeleteAh. Well if it is in your nature, then continue on. And he will do what is in his nature, and so will we all...
ReplyDeleteThat's why I don't believe in evil. I only believe in nature.
Erin said...
ReplyDeleteYou know what surprises me about this place. It is very moral.
September 4, 2011 10:33 AM
I know one socio-path that is exact like this.
He always transmit that idea that is very amoral or rebel, and he ends up to be the one in more control in general.
One question to all, if you had to choose between freedom and power, what would you choose?
ReplyDeleteIt takes power to have freedom, you idiot. I can't see how you can have one without the other.
ReplyDeleteYes, Eden.
ReplyDeleteBut there IS evil. Nature can be evil.
I agree with eden 404
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing evil about nature. Humans only see it that way because they think they're above it, and also because they fear loss of control, and death.
ReplyDeleteIn one of the past posts, poster's were giving initial's of socio's and towns and countries to warn other's away from them, it was great.
ReplyDeleteBella don't be so hard on yourself' he did give a sort of apology.
well I have had loss of control . It is quite a natural disaster lol
ReplyDeleteBut manageable, so not crazy evil , I suppose.
Eden Ralene said...
ReplyDeleteIt takes power to have freedom, you idiot. I can't see how you can have one without the other.
September 4, 2011 4:04 PM
Why are you calling me a idiot?
I just make a question, you are not obligated to answer and you do not need power for that.
he did, tik?
ReplyDelete@Bella
ReplyDeleteHe said he should have eaten before he lashed out, and that he cares about his reputation for keeping confidences.
Oh.
ReplyDeleteYes, reread the post.
ReplyDeleteMaybe her didn't apologize but tryed to explain.
Bella, what did TNP do to you?
ReplyDeleteEden Ralene said...
ReplyDeleteIt takes power to have freedom, you idiot. I can't see how you can have one without the other.
September 4, 2011 4:04 PM
But i ask to choose between one, not to explain the sense of the universe lol
Arrogance the opium of the masses
not quite , Eden. he said that after he threatened me. that was to save his ass because he knows i can be a loose cannon. i won't belabor this anymore, though.
ReplyDelete@anon
ReplyDeleteBecause some questions seem like they're being thrown out there before the one doing the asking, has even thought about it.
Like when people ask me if it hurt to get the tattoo on my hand. Are you asking me if I like pain; if it was manageable pain, or if I felt nothing?
I always reply: Have you ever had a needle penetrate your skin?
Your expecting normal from someone who who has said over and over thet they are not like normal's.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to talk about it anymore.
ReplyDeleteEden Ralene said...
ReplyDelete@anon
Because some questions seem like they're being thrown out there before the one doing the asking, has even thought about it.
Like when people ask me if it hurt to get the tattoo on my hand. Are you asking me if I like pain; if it was manageable pain, or if I felt nothing?
I always reply: Have you ever had a needle penetrate your skin?
September 4, 2011 4:25 PM
Every one knows the world is not square, and the question I made it was not thrown, and the question I made is very simple. Is the same as if I asked if you are able to survive from nature with out eating meat, would you kill for food anyway.
depends on the level of power and/or freedom
ReplyDeleteif both are equal then i would choose freedom to use full power at will
Well I'm confused. I don't get how people can develop a crush over the internet, or be truly hurt by someone over the internet. Especially here? Seems so bizarre and unbalanced to me.
ReplyDeleteIt's like taking a Bret Easton Ellis novel personally, or as a personal attack. Weird.
Yah, how could anyone develop a crush for ukan?
ReplyDeleteShe's BPD what do you expect?
ReplyDeleteOr maybe it's more like taking a reality show personally.
ReplyDeleteThat girl on Intervention really hurt my feeling while I was watching the show! Through the TV.
"It's like taking a Bret Easton Ellis novel personally, or as a personal attack. Weird."
ReplyDeleteA narc would.
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ReplyDelete"Most people" must be superficial, fake and totally unbalanced, then.
ReplyDeleteOr have schizo-type imaginations that have little to do with reality.
You are such a drama queen, Bella. Playing the victim? Typical. Most of my exchange with you was giving you advice and input on your ex.
ReplyDeleteThe wild carnival ride of bullshit, conspiracy, slander and false identities, hell, full false blogs you maintained for months, were completely your machinations. Your own fantasy land in which you created.
You tried to find the devil but what you found was a man. So you created your own devils and tried to become one yourself, handcrafting a persona from those you admired the most.
Some people would call that flattery or obsession. I call it, you being a stupid, crazy bitch. Oh, what are you now, BPD? Jesus, woman, you're a nobody. A nothing. When you have to create your own madness, that's a whole new level of crazy.
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ReplyDeleteor maybe we are all ill
ReplyDeleteerin you should admire the sociopaths, or say nothing at all.
ReplyDeleteThis is like when notme was constantly all over TNP and would get all upset when he wouldn't reply to her emails right away. And all that histrionic flirting stuff. So weird.
ReplyDeleteWhat is it about you TNP that makes girls nuts? Is it just that your email address is accessible, so you seem more 'real'?
Erin, I was just pointing out the silliness of assuming others are like you. You know, sarcasm and shit.
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ReplyDeleteohhhhhh people and there agendas
ReplyDeleteSeems to me that she came on here talking about it and dissing him first.
ReplyDeleteAm I missing something?
"You tried to find the devil but what you found was a man."
ReplyDeleteYou are a MAN? ROFLMAO.
The needy desperate types have internet crushes. The types who are happy to give away 10 grand when the random guy they met on the internet suddenly needs surgery.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you talking about, Erin? Anyway...
ReplyDeleteMedusa, I don't know what it is I do. I don't fault or despise anyone for falling for me, or enjoying my company, that would be arrogant even by my standards.
But when someone goes completely off the goddamn deep end, and the only thing I did was akin to saying, Your ex was a sociopath, he's not good for you, but you're a big girl and can do what you want, illicits the complete whacked out bullshit train she's been riding for the last nine months, one has to wonder what is real and what isn't.
It is perfectly possible for me to be kind and helpful to others. It is possible for me to be deliberately manipulative of them too. But when you're known as a sociopath, they always assume the worst, as if you're stupid or arrogant enough to try to play them after telling the woman you're a serpent.
A narcissist revels in bullshit like that, not a sociopath.
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ReplyDeletelook is the joker
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteerin you should admire the sociopaths, or say nothing at all.
LOL
Note is like poking a stick into a cave of a HIBERNATING BEAR, you better have food and lots of it.
ReplyDeletei think medusa was being sarcastic about the girs going nuts for you, tnp, so don't let it go to your fat head.
ReplyDelete"@Mis
ReplyDeleteWell, I bet most people have internet crushes.It is an internet world, Baby :)"
No. You're just a total shut in. Go out and get some fresh air baby.
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ReplyDeleteAs far as this drama queen goes, falling for me? Really? You have a funny way of showing it. Trying to get me in legal trouble, spreading lies about me to other people in the community, then doing the same to them and trying to use me as a vessel of your pseudo retribution, as if I would have cared?
ReplyDeleteWoman, there was a reason I stopped talking to you. You aren't a skilled liar, you aren't a user and an abuser. You're just poison, to everyone and everything around you, including yourself. You need to be the hero or the victim, so you spend all your time and energy making fake villains to hurt you, or that you can defeat.
It is Beyond pathetic. Someone break out a thesaurus...
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ReplyDeleteim 12 years old and what is this?
ReplyDeleteThose girls were nuts to begin with. They're like dogs humping your leg while you try to shake them off.
ReplyDeletedamn, mis's words cut deep today!
ReplyDeleteHeh
ReplyDeleteI don't see any of these men flirting, or trying to make themselves seem sexy, Erin... I think that makes it pretty obvious they don't come here trying to court.
So for anyone to attach themselves to a character here, in an emotional way, seems pretty cray to me. Where is the seduction luring you in?
Anon 5:57
ReplyDeleteNo, I wasn't being sarcastic.
The less composed BPD girls here seem to do this. They turn text into intimacy. False intimacy, but I guess they can't tell the difference.
I'm not saying it has anything to do with any special qualities TNP has. I think it's just that he is more accessible whereas most other people here are not.
Personally I have no desire to communicate with anyone here aside from through the blog.
M.E. even tried to once engage in conversation with me quite a while back and I just ignored it (sorry M.E., I'm just not keen on crossing that reality line).
new name for bpd chicks: leg humpers
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ReplyDeleteI guess spitting abuse in dumb cunts faces isn't so attractive. Good thing I don't care.
ReplyDeleteIt could be, Medusa. I've flirted with people before, but not Bella. Not even once, not even a playful move or hint. She's so far gone, it passes the point of humor and dives into the realms of unhinged reality.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't fault someone with BPD for accidentally or inadvertently falling for someone. That's part of their PD.
Bella is not BPD, though.
Most communication is non-verbal. You cannot know someone through text. You can only know what they want you to see. Or what you want to see.
ReplyDeleteIt's like getting to know Picasso by his artwork. If you did that you would be sooooo off with regards to the reality of the man.
You also said that Erin isn't BPD.
ReplyDeleteIs there some secret crazy land even beyond BPD that only you know about?
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ReplyDeleteNo Erin, you can only know a piece of a person through text. And usually it's an idealized piece.
ReplyDeleteNo face, no mannerisms to clue you into what's real. No room for 'gut feelings', no way to read in between the lines.
I would think being into metaphysics you would get this. There is no 'soul' in text. Only the soul of the text is in text, or the soul of an idea, but not the soul of the person.
I'm sure you will find a way to twist it all to fit into your worldview though.
"I flirt by text, therefore it is real" or some sorta backwards logic type of shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRXdTsMbqC8
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ReplyDeleteMaybe you can be more fooled by reality. Which is the whole reason you are having problems and are here. But don't pretend to speak for everyone.
ReplyDeleteBesides, this has been proven to be false in your case anyway.
See: Eden.
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ReplyDeleteYes, I do have a better handle on sensing BPD than you do, Medusa. I lived with one, and was in a relationship for a few years with one.
ReplyDeleteI know their thought patterns, their behavior, their eccentricities, speech patterns, et cetera. And those I've met online with BPD fit a similar mold. Erin does not. Bella does not.
In fact, I've had the exs of sociopaths contact me quite frequently, and a certain percentage of them were BPD. You can just tell after a while.
I dunno, Medusa. Maybe you should hook up with your beeper roommate and we can share our experiences after the fact. Maybe right a book? 60/40 of course, we can't break the mold of women making less than men for the same job.
note, you must have had fun with her.
ReplyDeletewrite* a book, heh.
ReplyDeleteWe might need an editor if you're not up for it.
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ReplyDeleteMy point was, you were so easily fooled by words, via Eden. You can go on retroactively pretending you felt something was wrong in your gut, but I don't believe it for a second. Even if you did, clearly it wasn't enough for you to take seriously it's existence.
ReplyDeleteI used to prefer texting myself. But then I dated a guy who would only communicate by text, because he was hiding behind it. He could not be real, so he hid behind words.
Words don't mean shit!
I rarely text these days. And no way am I ever going to have a serious conversation by text again.
I do have a better handle on sensing BPD than you do, Medusa.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't trying to have a competition here. I wasn't trying to be sarcastic.
I was asking if they ain't BPD, then what are they?
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ReplyDeleteErin, of course, illustrating my point for me. It fits a mold, but not BPD.
ReplyDeleteI did have fun with her, but it wasn't use use use. We loved each other. We dealt with each other's shit. We survived a lot of crap that most couples don't. Beepers may appear to be hurt by everything, but the fact is that although many things may cause them to react, very little truly stabs them.
Unfortunately, all beepers have a self-destruct sequence. You'll never meet one that lives happily ever after. It's part of their sickness.
You didn't see her as an object?
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ReplyDeleteTNP:
ReplyDeleteYeah but you are being all mysterious (clearly on purpose) about what the mold is.
And you've been carrying that torch for that BPD girl for quite a while now. Kinda sweet, I guess.
ERIN:
Your love of words is how your socio was able to fool you so easily. And anyone here who has done so.
Really, words don't mean shit, action does. Soul is in the action.
Anyone is capable of using any words, but not just any action.
Erin, you are projecting a pre-existing mold on me, from knowing me by text, on a sociopath blog, for, what, 2 months?
ReplyDeleteAnd you think you know me?
Because you find one or two traits to be familiar?
That's just silly. You don't even know how much I have lied or not lied here, or how much I have misrepresented myself or not.
Medusa, you come across as so gaurded that you don't really live any kind of a life that has joy.
ReplyDeleteYour always waiting for some alterior motive to rear it's ugly head, so you attack it first, crush it, then disect it.
Baby if you just let things be, and give them more time, they wouldn't be so black and white.
I get the impression you always feel threatened.
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ReplyDeleteAh Tik, another self/female hater, eh?
ReplyDeleteI don't behave much differently than many of the guys here.
I'd like to see you tell them they seem threatened and guarded and then call them "Baby".
Why are you turning yourself into Erin? Fucking bizarre.
Interestingly enough everything you just said can be applied to Erin.
Black & white? The BPDers now projecting themselves onto me? Wtf?
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ReplyDeleteYep, you're right, I am doing it on purpose. I don't like them, and I won't give them the satisfaction or the knowledge that I do have about them. I want them to wallow in their ignorance, but I won't let them float through fantasy.
ReplyDeleteTo the Anon and partially, Medusa. It's probably not what you think. When you're a sociopath, everyone is an object. But some objects mean something, some are valuable, rare, and worth protecting and nurturing. She was. She no longer is. That doesn't change what we went through, though.
I can't change my nature. I can't change what I am. I'd be lying to you if I told you I wanted to, too. But I can feel things, and feel them deeply. There's more to emotions than empathy.
In real life, I am not all colorful.
ReplyDeleteI am demure and refined.
On here, I am my crazy inner self.
Well which is the real you then? Demure and refined? Or crazy?
Can't you be both?
You talk like being here is the real you, but being who you are in reality is the fake you.
The text you is real, but the physical you is fake?
They are both you.
In the old days when people were pen pals before they got to know each other,I think that was a real way to know someone's heart.
ReplyDeleteI guess,people can disagree on this. I love words.I am crazy about words as I am a Gemini."
LOL
This is how my father landed my step-mother! He was a pin pal with her for two years! Try another one, Erin.
Plus, I recall you admitting that after I revealed it was me who was the "Smooth Anon", as you referred to me... you cried the hardest you have ever, since coming here.
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ReplyDeleteMedusa. It's probably not what you think.
ReplyDeleteI think you were wrong in thinking you knew what I probably think.
'Words are cheap,in that way.'
ReplyDeletethat contradicts everything you just said about words, erin.
tnp, would you kill a child?
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ReplyDeleteYou've got quite the imagination, Erin.
ReplyDeleteErin, TNP never said you had HPD.
ReplyDeleteBesides, it's not like those with HPD are actually going around being victorianly hysterical all the time, fainting and doing chicken-dances or the seven veils to get attention.
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ReplyDeleteJust thought maybe you had some human core.
ReplyDeleteMy bad.
You know you use to sound just like Erin.
But I guess I was wrong, you don't have any real empathy, or discernment when it comes to others.
Your thoughts are the only ones that matter and no one measures up to what you have going on in your own mind.
Too bad.
"I think you can know someone's heart better by words than even knowing them for many years."
ReplyDelete"Words have nothing but the reality of that person's being."
and then:
"Words are cheap,in that way.Interactions rule, when you want to know someone."
WTF?!!!