A time and a purpose

Some people really get on my nerves. I had a needy sister growing up and I was never able to relate to her. I have a little relative who is also very whiny in that way, impulsive in irritating ways, selfish, an act first think later boy, which forces everyone around him to constantly clean up his messes. Just the other day, though, I was "watching" him and his two brothers while they were around a pool. I was busy with other things until they started yelling that their toddler brother was "drowning." I yelled at them to grab him. The oldest brother, mild-mannered, good-natured, did nothing. The impulsive whiny kid immediately reached out and pulled his younger brother up out of the water, even though he is not a strong swimmer himself. I thought -- even though I don't like this kid, he at least is good for some things and some situations.

Interestingly, I think that when I was growing up some of my siblings thought I was more trouble than I was worth. I got into fights all the time. I was impulsive and reckless and people were constantly having to clean up after me. I was selfish, always did what I wanted when I wanted. I bullied my siblings in a lot of ways. I would make them pay me money to play the games that they wanted to play, and then I would beat them at those games. I was told on several occasions that I was "evil" and that they hated me. I was also the person that people turned to when they needed special help taking care of a problem. My tactics weren't always things that people felt comfortable adopting, but you couldn't deny their effectiveness. I wasn't a general, all purpose tool, but for certain situations nothing and no one could do the job like I could. It only took a few clutch bailouts in late teens to early adulthood for my siblings to really appreciate how useful I could be, what a resource I would be to them throughout our lives.

In my healthiest relationships, people know what to expect from me -- outside the box thinking, efficient problem solving, ruthlessness, an eye for exploitation, impressive loyalty, which are all very useful tools in certain situations. They also know what not to expect from me -- empathy, commiseration, a deep emotional connection, hand holding, mercy, unconditional love. But not everybody needs everyone in their life to be those things, right?