Same language

From a reader:

For 32 years I've been on a search to quantify my difference from others. I've been in therapy for ADD since I was 4 and on methylphinedate aka ritalin. I've developed a way of speaking and acting that I thought was unique. A bumbling, fresh-out-of-school therapist, by total accident, showed me who and why I was. You see, in my search for knowledge of myself, I actually ended up outing myself to him, even though at that point I didn't even realize there was something to "out".

I had always been diagnosed Schizoid Personality Disorder, with a laundry list of other diagnoses from a laundry list of other doctors. The problem was that I never really fit with some of the defining identifiers in any given diagnoses. The lack witted therapist made mention of how some of the things I described had an antisocial ring to them. He was right. It was almost as if I had memorized the bulletpoints and were reciting them back word for word.

This was all unintentional. However, I believe it to be the best of accidents. After having struck a chord with his comment, I immediately came home and went straight to my computer to absorb information on the topic. I came across your site after wading through clinical information, which is useful, and personal propaganda sites, which are not so much except to reinforce they socio/empath difference; the after effects of the storm.

I want to thank you. I've always felt alone, truly. As well as different. I always fought with my nature to try and fit in, and it worked, sometimes, for a while. I realize now that being able to even fool myself is an indicator as to how powerful and intrinsic my sociopathy is to my nature. Since reading your site practically cover to cover, I feel powerful, less alone. My vision is clear. With my new perspective I've been re-living past situations and interactions in my mind and I can see exactly where each game piece was and why. Finding a place and a group that I belong to, that I fit into, has been one of the driving forces in my life. I think the lack of this feeling played a part in making me a sociopath. Now that I know, what I am, I can stop fighting myself.

I have joined the forum. I will join in and make comments on the topics to come. I am glad that you are able to afford the type of treatment that I cannot, and that I have access to that vicariously through the forum. I am also fooling around with the idea of writing a book and would greatly appreciate your collaboration in this. You see, even though I'm american and I gather you live across the pond, we speak the same language. Not just the vernacular, or the verbiage, but the context, the imagery. We use the same simile's and idiom's. This was the major point of connection for me, sure the other things fit nicely, but reading you is like reading me, like you are in my brain. It was predictable, fascinating, and intensely comfortable. For these reasons I think we would work well together on this project.

Thanks,

Odie

Ps. Sociopathic Songs of the Day. Fall-out Boy's "Sugar We're Going Down" and "Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying" if you'd like a break down of lines into 'path Id be happy to oblige, but I don't really think you of all people will need me to do that.For 32 years I've been on a search to quantify my difference from others. I've been in therapy for ADD since I was 4 and on methylphinedate aka ritalin. I've developed a way of speaking and acting that I thought was unique. A bumbling, fresh-out-of-school therapist, by total accident, showed me who and why I was. You see, in my search for knowledge of myself, I actually ended up outing myself to him, even though at that point I didn't even realize there was something to "out".