Like father, like daughter (part 2)

(cont.):

M.E.: I don't think a sociopath will necessarily be a bad parent.  Of course some sociopaths have no interest in children at all.  And some have no interest in careers, or animals, or art, or whatever else, but there is a great deal of variety.  I have little relatives that I love.  I definitely have failings when I am around them.  Sometimes I have the urge to choke them, but have never done it in anger.  If the parent associates with them enough to feel like they are an extension of themselves, there's no reason why a sociopath couldn't be a devoted and excellent parent.

Reader:


Thank you for your insight.

Yes she does.

Her dad and I are meeting with a doctor next week to have her evaluated for ADD. Her dad says children that are medicated at an early age can better withstand the pressure to conform and can learn to regulate their behavior to a socially acceptable level, thus decreasing the need to self-medicate or act out in aggression or violence later. Her dad believes that our society does not recognize and respect that sociopaths are a vital evolutionary adaptation. Because of ignorance, fear, and the need to control, educators begin to ostracize and isolate these children, causing them to internalize a belief that they are flawed, preventing these children from discovering and valuing their uniqueness. Frustration and anger build, exacerbating or even causing behaviors typically associated with ASPD. We of course will only mention that her dad has ADD, not that he is a sociopath or that I have a borderline personality.

My daughter does not routinely exhibit aggression, but frustration. I actually envy her ability not to take on the emotions of others. She does not have a flat affect at all. She is outgoing and charming, but will turn it off if the desired response is not achieved. She lives in the moment and gages value by her satisfaction level. I got called from her Summer camp because a child accused my daughter of hitting her while in the bathroom and bruising her ribs. When asked what happened she, with her ribboned pigtails,freckles, and stoic stare said in a low voice, " I have no idea what you are talking about." It was a little chilling because I could tell she was guilty. So I insisted that the staff should monitor the bathrooms. They agreed. Problem solved.

She does have friends, though she speaks of them as if she owns them, and will discard them if they displease her.She enjoys life. She likes music and art and playing with her brother, if he follows her rules. She loves to cook. She is very task motivated when interested. She does not like rules, but if I am clear that she can do A if she does B, or we do not hit because someone might hit back, then she will listen, if I remain calm and am not critical.

I feel like many of her statements to me are insincere or what she thinks she is supposed to say to get her way or to control my reactions to her. I want her to trust that I am on her side and she does not have to pretend. I don't want to change her, only give her a chance to see she is perfect the way she is and she can accomplish her dreams and simply ignore anyone who cannot appreciate her. She has a natural confidence that I do not want destroyed. I don't want her to have to fight for a satisfying life the way her dad and I have done. I really need to get educated.

P.S. Sociopaths are lifesavers in emergencies. My ex and I witnessed a minivan overturn in an intersection. I instantly started shaking and crying envisioning someone suffering in pain or a child scared. I screamed to stop because we had to help. He said, "Damn! Stay in the car!" The van was surrounded by a crowd, looking at each other.

My ex walked up, calmly told the driver to turn off the engine and unlock the doors. He then opened the rear door, assessed injuries, helped 2 people out of the van, then walked back to our car. He was as calm as before it happened.  I was impressed...