Been reading the blog for a bit now, really great to find somewhere like that. I've just been fucked over by a so-called friend and need some advice on what to do next. You and the rest of the regular posters seem to be a good source of ideas, so maybe you can suggest some things.
This guy was a friend for a couple of years, took a while to build trust and eventually became like a mentor, best buddy and confidante. I realised he was different, but I guess I thought I was special and he and I identified very strongly with each other.
Short while ago it would seem he decided I belonged in a different category. He seduced me ( or I let him, whatever) and we had a brief fuck-buddy arrangement. It was fun in places but unsatisfactory in others, I realised he was just playing me like all the others and shut off the emotional response. He's still working to the old script, thinking I'm madly into him and eating my heart out, which is kind of fun.
Over time I've realised that he's manipulated me into situations where he could record us having sex, or conversations about very personal stuff. He probably has a whole folder on me, as I know he does on other girls he's been with. I'm not embarrassed about that, and if he went public with any of it I would happily paste him into a thin smear on LoveFraud.com as well as destroying him professionally. He's nearing the top of his game at work and needs to be very careful.
What I'm most angry about is him boxing me up with his toys. I don't care what he does to anyone else, and would be happy to play with him on an equal footing and not expose him or get in his way. But now I know he feels the need to have some insurance, maybe for future control? I need to have something similar on him. I don't have much time, and I don't have access to his house or stuff, so that limits what I can do.
I'm new to this, very late realising what I'm capable of, but very comfortable now I know. What I'm missing is the decades of practice and applied logic that he (and you) have. I've always worked on instinct, and this is the first time it's left me vulnerable. I don't want to start a war or anything, I'm just not going to allow him all the power here.
Any thoughts?
You expect us to help you? Fuck you, cunt.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha politicallyincorrect wrote this.
ReplyDeleteSucks to be you...
ReplyDeleteGetting over your anger is the first thing that needs to be done. It won't help your situation at all. Second it would seem that the only concrete bit of dirt he has on you is a (unconfirmed) sex tape. You are not famous, and I assume you were not in some sort of committed relationship when it would have been made, so the worst that could happen is he leaks it to mutual acquaintances which I think would reflect badly on him. More importantly you can make it reflect badly on him. Also if he does leak it, and it does get back to him in the workplace somehow (I am assuming a professional relationship based on the e-mailer's mention of his job) there will be money to be made in a sexual harassment lawsuit.
ReplyDeleteAs for the conversations it is your word against his. The only real damage would be embarrassment/social standing. The former does not matter and the latter is transient anyways.
As for how you can keep yourself safe from what I am reading it appears that you only have a small window to retaliate professionally by screwing up a major promotion. Don't do it. Let him have it. Let him move up and away from you. There is no need to play with him on equal footing, there is no need to play with him at all. He can offer you nothing that someone else can not offer you minus the risk.
You are not as vulnerable as you think you are. He has a finite number of moves, none of which are very good and all of which entail non-trivial personal risk. The best either of you can hope for is mutually assured destruction. It is a policy that prevented any nukes from being launched during the Cold War and it should serve you similarly well.
--Fleche
Brilliant!
DeleteCome to SW for help with your problems. I do :):)
DeleteWhere is the 'Like' button? This is spot on.
DeleteI know there's no need to play with him ... but it's still fun.
"If I had a good reason, it wouldn't be a hobby."
post a link to the sex tape if he puts it up somewhere ;).
ReplyDeleteI'll accept that as payment for any further assistance.
1.) Get a powerful magnet.
ReplyDelete2.) Attach it to his computer.
This is on my list ... but if I had access to his PC I'd be too busy reading his files first :)
Deletehi haven i'm sorry for posting on your webside)
ReplyDeleteDon't be sorry it's ok.
Delete1st (yeah i'm that jaded)
ReplyDeleteis jaded the right word?
ReplyDeleteThe key is deception
ReplyDeleteGet a life. Reader needs to get a life like everyone else. Even socios can move on eventually, why don't you? Now you're going to say you're addicted to the game? You're bored and you have an addictive personality and right now you can't step away from the drama craps table? And you don't want to seem like a pushover???? What a waste of time. You think he doesn't feel you have insurance on him? Ha. You have plenty and he's just testing you or doesn't give a crap. You expect him to think like you and you're in his head. Haha. You're a perfect plaything and you belong in his box of old toys. Come out and play or get a life and move away from the nonsense.
ReplyDeleteJaded is just the wise thing to be. I think a shrink told me that once.
ReplyDeletei think the reader still got the hots for this guy and is secretly hoping she will win his love or respect or any thing at all if she can beat him in his own game
ReplyDeleteya need to let it go move on with ur life plenty of fish in the sea
Exactly. She's not really a toy, he's not really a sociopath. People, if everyone had read their script notes, this would not be happening.
Deletemmm fish
ReplyDeletehttp://www.google.be/search?q=truite+meuni%C3%A8re&hl=nl&prmd=imvnse&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=wgpVT-GbJImdOr30kI8K&sqi=2&ved=0CGkQsAQ&biw=1680&bih=955
ReplyDeleteUmmmmm.. This person seems oddly familiar... Does his first name start with an N and end with a T by chance? I promise everything you tell me will be between us, because if this is who I think you're talking about. I am one of his victums too, and I have been stressed to the point of losing sleep and almost having a severe nervous break down. Please get back to me asap.
ReplyDeleteNot the same guy. He'd love to think he was that awesome, but no.
DeleteI resemble that remark.
DeleteI don't believe you Newt. If you were him you would have contacted me by now. This guy is paranoid as fuck.
DeleteI meant last name begin with a T. If we aren't talking about the same guy I guess it's just a weird coincidence. It's horrible that there are so many people like this out there. I guess I wasn't completly innocent either getting involved with him, but ughhhhhhhhh.
ReplyDeleteStings, doesn't it?
DeleteIf it helps, the fact that this is a textbook scenario means you'll easily spot the next loser who tries to use the same lame moves.
The best way to play with this guy is first to separate for a while and keep telling him on occasion he's so missed yet too bad you too can't be together (find some excuse he'd buy). Then, arrange for a meeting yet cancel in the last minute. Just keep saying you love him, but never be really available. Confuse him in his own game.
ReplyDeleteLoving the feedback I'm getting here. And, Fleche? I ... I think I love you. Best advice EVER. If I ever need a new BFF, you're top of the list.
ReplyDeleteThe guy is just a trophy collector, and he can have his grubby pictures as far as I'm concerned. I do have material on him, but can't actually be bothered to do anything with it - too obvious. Anything I do to him now will have to be something he can't trace back to me, because I need to be close enough to watch him squirm when it takes effect.
So no, not insurance ... payback. I'm not good with disappointments.
If you were a sociopath you wouldn't be in this position and know how to stay away from like minded people. You wouldn't be feeling this way.
ReplyDelete