I can connect with people in various ways but I don't have vicarious feelings like empathy. If I show interest in someone else's suffering or happiness, it is more like a very strong curiosity. I have always felt like so much of the world is hidden. There is always a special pleasure for me in hidden things becoming revealed. It must be why empaths experience voyeurism and schadenfreude. Actually, one of the main reasons I enjoy longer term relationships is that eventually I can reveal to them all of my machinations from the beginning -- what I did to them, how I engineered particular situations, my foresight and skill throughout the early stages of the relationships during which I was required to keep everything hidden. There is a very pleasant tension and release aspect to that activity. It's almost sexual.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Types of love
I can connect with people in various ways but I don't have vicarious feelings like empathy. If I show interest in someone else's suffering or happiness, it is more like a very strong curiosity. I have always felt like so much of the world is hidden. There is always a special pleasure for me in hidden things becoming revealed. It must be why empaths experience voyeurism and schadenfreude. Actually, one of the main reasons I enjoy longer term relationships is that eventually I can reveal to them all of my machinations from the beginning -- what I did to them, how I engineered particular situations, my foresight and skill throughout the early stages of the relationships during which I was required to keep everything hidden. There is a very pleasant tension and release aspect to that activity. It's almost sexual.
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being the focus of "obsession" is not pleasant..I am still reeling
ReplyDeleteYou loved it and you know it.
Deleteactually you are right..I did love it I couldn't understand it I never had someoneone's attention so focused so serious and then it turned when I cheated... the attention was angry, mean. I cheated to teach him a lesson but I was the one taught a lesson instead. Sociopath as teacher is not a pleasant experience lol.
DeleteYou cheated to teach him a lesson. And I bet it was hard for you, not enjoying it and all. Must have felt like rape almost right ??
Deletedo you mean what he made me feel after I cheated?
DeleteBe honest. I hate dishonesty. You loved it because he made you feel alive for the first time and you are dead inside.
DeleteHe was a dominant sadist..he liked to have control and be in control of what I felt...he loved to see me vulnerable, he loved to dominate me and the truth is I loved being dominated. Now I realize that I tend to attract sadists, the bad guys maybe because I appear sweet and innocent the opposite of them. I wonder are most sociopaths sadists?
DeleteGood job. I applaud your honesty!
DeleteThe cold hard fact is that there is something that draws me to evil and vice versa..so would you say there is an instinctual recognition among sadists/sociopaths when they spot someone whom they feel is submissive? How can they tell that I am?
DeleteWere you humiliated sexually, as a child?
Deletenope..I guess the only think i can think of is older men always hit on me when i was a teenager but I guess that's true for most teenage girls
DeleteThere has to be some major self hatred to be attracted to that.
Deletesometimes its a feeling of power to have a dominant sadist want you so much is to have control over them ;) to have the meanest, baddest, guy be utterly vulnerable is a rush. Although he thinks he's dominating in truth the roles sometimes reverse.
DeleteI hear you. I may be wrong but I don't think someone who loved herself would be in that, in the first place but I don't know everything.
DeleteI guess I am into both..being adored spoiled by men and being a bit abused. I guess I am screwed up.
DeleteAdmitting it is a GOOD start! Stick around. You can't fake it around here.
DeleteIt's interesting that I can now spot a dom/sadist a mile away. It's a certain look about them. certain actors have it for instance Jonathan Rhys Meyers..the creepy thing is it works both ways when I look I am looked back at and they do recognize me for what I am...
DeleteInteresting. Can you talk more about it. Which other actors have it?
DeleteBilly Crudup,Christian Bale, Keanu Reeves..it's a certain look in the eyes...hard to explain there's a coldness there, predatory almost.
DeleteI hear you. Yes, fascinating. I think I know what you mean. That coldness is what is sexy. Don't you think so?
DeleteUnfortunately yes..
DeleteYes, if I am honest, the sociopath whom I was crazy about, had this coldness under the charm. The coldness turned me on.
DeleteAnon 9:56 have you ever gotten close to a person like this? someone who is alpha male dom, sadistic tendencies, aggressive, competetive someone who needs to be in control and likes total submission?
DeleteHow do you think I found my way here?
DeleteAnon 10:06 can you explain a bit how this coldness manifested itself? what was the allure?
DeleteWell, he was very charming superficially. Under it, I felt the coldness as the danger of walking next to a cliff. I craved where it would take me.
DeleteKeanu Reeves, what? Predatory? Ha ha. Okay.
DeleteMy favorite quote of his:
"I'm a meathead man. You've got smart people, and you've got dumb people. I just happen to be dumb."
OR IS ALL JUST A RED HERRING?!?!?!
Someone is probably still seeing Keanu Reeves as Neo from The Matrix. They might not know of the movie Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure... where he plays himself.
DeleteI'm a female sadist and diagnosed ASPD... and heck, I don't even have that ''coldness'' in my eyes, people usually think I'm pretty sweet and charming and that's it. I've been told though that my eyes are interesting because people can't ''read'' what I'm feeling. (As if you could read something in someone else's eyes, but these are their words, not mine)
DeleteI relate to this 100%
ReplyDeleteMe to
Delete"It's almost sexual"
ReplyDeleteYeah people tend to also feel as if I am disrobing. It is a form of seduction but I didn't know. I have seen faces light up or seem to say they want to eat me up. Very strange. But interesting.
Now I want to cover up.
*smirk* Maybe you're a latent exhibitionist and attention seeking whore and you "didn't know"
DeleteHmm. Maybe? Never thought of that. I still feel like covering up now.
DeleteYes, because you always do the opposite after the fact and screw with people's heads. Wtf is wrong with you?
DeleteGet off my back.
DeleteYes, I feel like my sociopath girlfriend is very curious about me and what makes me tick. It can have a bug under the microscope feel to it but I don't mind because it is above board. I don't mind any above board relationships. I hate the ones with the lies under the surface like the "People of the Lie" relationships, as described in Scott Pecks book.
ReplyDeleteAll of a sudden I feel URGED to know the reaction of readers of SW to this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TV6LPx1ezYs
I feel pretty socio myself, but god this tears me down. Any other cold hearted monster feels alike?
Sorry to go off-topic, but I need to know.
Relatively beutiful song, makes me feel peacefull, calm, but not sad, well it bores me a little bit (I write while listening). I should listen to it before going to sleep :)
DeleteOh well, it does make me sad. Beautifully sad (it's good for a change). Psycho's gym! It really is boring, don´t worry. Go strangle a cat and you'll fight the good old boredom :)Cheers Mee
DeleteI have emotions and react strongly to good music, or at least music I consider good. I had 0 emotional reaction to that, just apathy. Its not a very good song and I don't feel the emotional energy was embedded into, at least not properly. THIS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tA9Z7UxKbw gets me really revved up emotionally, I can't describe it but other to say its transcendent and ineffable, and positive. Its a sort of majestic and overwhelming feeling of awe for something beautiful. This song is like a drug for me :D
DeleteYou know, in a place like this where all morality and judgements are set in a sort of stand-by I wouldn't use a sentence like "it is not a very good song", I'd go for "I hate it" or, rather, it doesn´t make me feel anything. But now that you mention it, it IS actually a VERY good song, and I don't like yours. Try this if you want to go positive and ineffable AS WELL AS unpretentious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6L8rHyzQj0
DeleteMeh, pop songs are too hypnotic for me, catchy and stimulating but maddening. Are you guys serious about that song? Miss sharp are you an empath or a socio or other? I'm really curious about this now, I think that song is laughably bad ("something last a long time"), like something someone would play as a joke. I can picture it in a family guy skit and then becoming a meme afterwards. Its just too bland. The piano is very boring and repetitive, the singing is bad an unimpressive, very static and not dynamic...like monotone. The lyrics are also pretty bad too. Honestly, wow, this is horrible. "Its funny...but its true....and its true....but its not funny" what kind of lyrics are those? Also, judgement of creative productions doesn't really equate with morality... and I happen to think there is at least some validity and possibility for objectivity when judging art, to a degree. Some stuff really is "bad" because it doesn't score well on the creative formula (which is very malleable.) As I mentioned, there's not a lot of variation in the song, vocals lack dynamics, piano is repetitive, the whole thing is just uninspiring, shallow, and bland. No seriously, do you guys really like this song because this is causing me psychological trauma on the one hand, but also its very interesting considering it could have to do with a socio-quirk.
DeleteMy primary feeling was hostility.. that guy in the picture... looks like a pussy, plus the whiny voice of the singer, the stupid lyrics... bothers/annoys me (whichever idk).
DeleteAll right, this is the kind of discussion I was searching.
DeleteI consider myself to be very close to me in the way I experience life and, specially, relationships with others.
(Excuse my English whenever I make mistakes for I am not an English-speaker).
The only thing that keeps me wondering is my hyper-sensibility to art. But the lyrical side to it, not the most abstract, big-picture, god-like expressions (although I can also comprehend the beauty of it). But I'm more of an old romantic when it comes to personal taste (The Sleeping Beauty over state-of-the-art contemporary dance, crafted melodies and intelligent, sentimental lyrics when it comes to songs- with the Smiths as my primary reference when it comes to it, etc). And then I wonder, do the SW crowd respond to this languid, unstandable sad and sweet allure to indie-pop? And I thought of this song as the perfect expression of this inexplicable feeling of heart-breaking beautiful weakness of some apparently awful artistic expressions. This song is by no means considered bad by me, although I understand why someone would consider it bad. But then, I can also see very easily what would be missing in somebody else's heart to not appreciate it (NO OFFENCE). It is just that little "turn". That small, subtle trick.
I agree, there are of course standards to judge art, nothing to do with morality. Sorry, my fault. Got to this point:
1.- repetition is a valuable, intrinsic feature in music itself. It has been used as an experimental approach many times (see Ravel's bolero).
2.- Simplicity is not always cheapness, nor is it easy. See Picasso (ok, cliché, but you get the point). Of course I could be mistaken and, in this case, see beautiful bareness when there is just untalented composing, but I don´t think so).
3.- The author of this song, Daniel Johnston, is considered a genius by many mainstream as well as independent reputed artists (Kurt Cobain, whose music I despise to a reasonable extend, made popular this guy by wearing a t-shirt with the cover of one of his home-made albums on MTV). Daniel Johnston is a bipolar cuckoo who's been living in his parents' basement for 20 years. He's written every love song up to now for the same girl he met once at 17.
Anyway, this song literally broke my heart when I first listened to it wihtout having any idea of who this guy was.
Last but not least (this is a personal joke about my academy-learnt English where last paragraphs have to start with that linker), I am far from being illiterate in music, popular or not. While I read your technical explanation of why this song sucks, I thought to myself: yeah, yeah, I can see that, yeah, but god maybe I have somenthing they don´t, or they miss something I have. And THIS IS NO JUDGMENT, just an honest insight at what my feelings and thoughts have been since I launched this topic.
God knows I feel empathy impared, cold, and god knows I understand that feeling of: please I want to understand, why on earth are you moved by THAT (crap - silly thing - small thing - thing that I just don´t get).
Thank you anon for giving me your impressions on the song. I keep wondering and wondering, about the way my mind works, the way your mind works, the way people's minds work. It's a hell of a ride. Thank you all (sincerely).
And the again, somethings last a long time. No they don´t. You are losing things all the time, all around you. And just for a tiny second, you realize, and with the feeling of lost comes the feeling of love. It's the same old story all over the world, but it still hurts. When it hurts, you know, it feels kind of better than when it doesn't. At least that is the way it works for me.
*the feeling of loss
DeleteGood response, thanks for the insight. I don't know, maybe if my computer speakers were better I'd be able to tap into that emotional energy better or maybe the style just doesn't resonate with my personality. When it comes to creative productions I get off on less popular and more abstract things than most other people do. Love songs are also a no go for me as I'm a schizoid and not nearly as concerned with relationships as other people are... I find being alone to be HIGHLY romantic, especially at night time. I feel more connected universally when not in the presence of other humans. I guess I can understand more why people would like that song, the concept resonates with them, but the expression of that concept is not very impressive.
Delete"I guess I can understand more why people would like that song, the concept resonates with them, but the expression of that concept is not very impressive" I feel you really got the point.
DeleteBeing alone is extremely romantic, go for it! One of my favourite songs ever I interpret as a hymn to (chosen, romantized) loneliness:
Upon the sand, upon the bay
"There is a quick and easy way" you say
Before you illustrate
I'd rather state :
"I'm not the man you think I am
I'm not the man you think I am"
And Sorrow's native son
He will not smile for anyone
And Pretty Girls Make Graves
Oh ...
End of the pier, end of the bay
You tug my arm, and say : "Give in to lust,
Give up to lust, oh heaven knows we'll
Soon be dust ... "
Oh, I'm not the man you think I am
I'm not the man you think I am
And Sorrow's native son
He will not rise for anyone
And Pretty Girls Make Graves
Oh really ?
Oh ...
I could have been wild and I could have
Been free
But Nature played this trick on me
She wants it Now
And she will not wait
But she's too rough
And I'm too delicate
Then, on the sand
Another man, he takes her hand
A smile lights up her stupid face
(and well, it would)
I lost my faith in Womanhood
I lost my faith in Womanhood
I lost my faith ...
Oh ...
yes, it makes me feel very sad, sad for self.
ReplyDeleteI got a Reality Show. The cast of SW characters live in the same house.
ReplyDeleteToo late, we are already into the show...
DeleteAnonymousMay 7, 2012 9:23 PM
The story continues...
TCO gets bored of walking around, so he starts watering his grow-op, while massaging his big member. Raven looses interest in M.M. and walks away. Mini Me crawls to the corner where Monica is, asks for beer and decides to sit there atleast until the bleeding will stop. Monica notices that someone is near and starts talking about herself. Raven sees that Monica is talking with her play thing and frowns. BLuD-KLoT is checking rooms and finds mud bath in one of them... Then Medusa tries to open the balcony door and realises that the doors are jammed, leaving Peebe and ZOE outside. In addition the balcony above is hanging loosely and can fall on them any second. Suddenly an empath enters the guest room from the toilet, yells "I'll save them", climbs through the nearest window, jumps to the balcony. Unfortunately balcony is too far, so the poor creature splashes on the street. What will happen next, how will socios act, you decide! :)
Who are you The Watcher ? You have been floating around here for a while now, making little comments like you know more than leading on to. What's the deal ?
DeleteI was just thinking that, myself.
DeleteThe show will be cancelled after the pilot if this is all you can come up with.
DeleteYou're forgetting crucial players. Your show is full of the previous secondaries that became first due to vacancy.
Deletesomeone's knockin at the door...
DeleteSomeone please write the list of people, also theese stories were created, so everyone could write his/her part. It was an intro... :)
DeleteThese show concepts are cracking me up. :) I would like to submit another variation for consideration.
DeleteStudies have shown that the majority of all deranged people populate in Wisconsin. Since this clearly where all of us are currently abiding (with the exception of a few) we should make use of our trailer-trash surroundings and hold a competition at the Wisconsin Dells.
Who ever murders the most tourists without getting arrested can stay in the house. Sociopaths who are caught are automatically kicked out via the Justice System.
3rd place Prizes
A Sociopath World T shirt (retail value of $18.00)
2nd Place Prizes include:
A Sociopath World Keep Sake box, to treasure all those little sentiments your victims left you with with. A.k.a- (their wallets)
1st Place Grand Prize:
A Sociopath World hat
A Sociopath World tote bag
One of a kind Sociopath World Frisbee signed by M.E.
House immunity for 1 week and a lifetime supply of cheese curds.
This one wins because it has prizes.
DeleteKilled two asians in a park near their embassy today. Left them hanging on a tree. So where's my safehouse? Sorry, can't write much, I'm in a hurry, Mee.
DeleteMind-blowing experience. I, at least, am photogenic. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i39UmXC2SY
ReplyDeletereality show is a brilliant idea..I would watch it
ReplyDeleteNO! The show will be a throw back to The Big Chill. One of us ends up dead. We are all at the funeral weekend and sex and violence occurs. It is a twisted Neil LaBute weekend. People are changed ..FOR LIFE! Then everything goes back to "normal" where everyone pd must return to regular society.
ReplyDeleteIt will be a script passed around to all players, collaboration style. Raven will be in charge of rape, blood and bloated corpse scenes..
TCO is the rapee and likes it, Medusa walks in shakes her head calls her roommate because she got bored. Post sits by self on the computer doing "math" all the while dissociated from tales of his home life which is a mystery. Out of the blue Monica appears crying for our souls. We reject her push and pull style, TNP comes out and says What we have here is a failure to communicate..
Great idea!
Delete....TCO is angered by said anal rape, and slits the throats of everyone in the house, then rolls a dube and reads the morning paper (while the houses cameras continue to roll)
DeleteThe End
It's only ending of the first episode. In second police arrests TCO and from 3rd he's filmed in prison :)
DeleteI don't think that we would start killing each other so obviously while being filmed anyway. I would try to make others feel safe before killing them, but I don't see why should I do it, unless they try to kill me :D
Oh come on! I would never hurt a fly!
DeleteWhy does TCO have to be the killer? Have it be like Sleuth with Michael Kane. The doc was the killer.
DeleteIll be the killer !!
DeleteAnother idea to add to the mix. In the style of In Treatment with Gabriel Byrne, we have Dr F in the role and the SW cast as the patients.
ReplyDeleteSomebody see if Joss Whedon is free, and let's have a "Once More With Feeling" musical episode ...
DeleteJoss Whedon is a god. He did one episode of Buffy where he made her question the entirety of her reality because in "reality" she was actually a patient in a mental ward and all the stuff experienced in the show was the result of traumatic hallucination.
DeleteAlso, the musical episode was genius.
No. Monica should be the doc. Would make for better TV. Either Monica or UKan.
DeleteLove is tricky. I'm not always sure how I feel about it.
ReplyDeleteI know what it is to be In Obsession with someone, which is what I typically associate romantic love with. I can care about someone, but often I wonder if I really care about them or if I simply care about having them in my life. Anyways, this is something I usually also refer to as love; usually of the platonic or familial variety.
There are a few exceptions, but in general I don't know if what I feel for people is love, or emotional self-interest.
Ah me.... what do I know of love?
ReplyDeleteThe immortal question.
I "love" people based on their use. If a person has something I want, I become very fascinated. I will watch them, and manifest as whatever I need to be to satiate my fixation. As soon as I've gotten what I want, I lose interest. If I see potential for their use in the future, I keep them around at a distance. If not- its goodbye.
ReplyDeleteIts funny how my image of them distorts based on their value to me. They are wonderful when I'm getting my way. And as soon as I've used them up, there's nothing but the needy remains that I want nothing to do with. I am no longer clouded the "love" I was exploiting. This is when its a *really* bad idea to call me out. There's no "love" (aka- use) protecting them from transparency. Should they irritate me by retaliating in some way- its over. I inflict as much damage as I need to. And I don't give a damn about it.
Anyone else relate to this?
Have you ever experienced someone do that to you? =] ....While you think you are doing it to them?
DeleteIt is when i am toe to toe with another paranoid that I sense this. It is very annoying to be seen as a monster. We make one another feel dirty.
DeleteTheir image is distorted and I see them as an object to be dealt with, not enjoyed. There is very little tranquility between us.
Funny you should say that, Bright Eyes. All the time. When I first started I targeted empaths. Who used me to fill a void. I got bored of this. And stopped.
DeleteAnd I then started targeting narcissists. :D Unconsciously, at first. I'm an "independent" parasite now, so the only reason I do this is for kicks. Its stupid, and dangerous and probably means that I'm a narcissist on some level. But I'm ok with that. I just fucking hate narcissists! :)
Anon 10:47 are you speaking of other Sociopaths?
DeleteWe're all narcissistic. We're delusional if we don't acknowledge it.
DeleteWiki-"narcissism" often means egoism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness.
That spells humanity.
Although I do acknowledge, fully, that there is a difference between Narcissists and having some Narcissistic traits hence the "we're all narcissistic" ...on some level. (Just stating the obvious because some people leap at comments when they are blind to sub-text.)
DeleteI grew up with a narcissistic dad and my mom is on the other side of that, but slightly an NPD also...but different. Reading all this really brings it home. I have always been attracted to sociopaths/narcissists. Sadly, no empathy. I can spot one miles away. I can feel them. They will never quit the lies...but can change some behaviors and not all are dangerous. So glad I found this site.
DeleteThat describes perfectly what I went through on the other side of it lol
ReplyDeleteYou were used? I mean, loved? ;)
DeleteYes lol
ReplyDeleteA whole other idea for a TV series. The idea was birthed from Medusa and her room mate. The show would be called "WHO is my Roomie?" We put together SW characters and make them live together and film it.
ReplyDeleteI don't live with her anymore, hooray.
DeleteI prefer the Buddhist concept of metta, which is a universal love. These four 'types' are just manifestations of metta. I think I like this concept because it is more of an intellectual process that I can consciously apply rather than a feeling or emotion.
ReplyDeleteI've never experienced obsession. I'm not sure if I've experienced what other people refer to as love. I do become attached to people, but it is very easily forgotten and discarded.
This would be a different one. Ever see Love Connection? You can see re-runs on U tube. There would be an unsuspecting woman and 3 male sociopaths from SW. She asks them questions and chooses one to go on a date with. Then, they come back and talk about the date.
ReplyDeleteWe would have an empath woman and three sociopaths --David, Mis and Ukan, on the other side.
This bitch deserves Ukan.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDeleteI believe we can experience true love from those people who are close to us, our family, friends, relatives and significant others. Most especially, the greatest love of all is the kind of love that our Lord Jesus Christ has for us.
ReplyDeleteThat song is not about abstinence.
DeleteGod damnit I hope you're just being sarcastic. If not: WOW
Delete"the greatest love of all is the kind of love that our Lord Jesus Christ has for us"
Pardon; this just reads to me so hilarious if it's not said tongue-in-cheek.
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