Well, ME, two and half years post end of sociopathic relationship, I am finally coming to terms with it all.
I'm writing to you because maybe you'll post this and give some guidance to those recovering from a relationship with a sociopath.
Really, Buddhism is the way to go post-recovery. You need to get control of your thoughts and yourself. There is no other way.
Buddhism will teach you to let go of all of the anger, resentment, shock, and surprise at their treatment of you. Meditation will teach you to stop the negative thought spirals implanted by them (and carried on by you, of course). You must do this with focused effort.
Buddhism will teach you to view the sociopath as a teacher, and to be grateful for them. If this relationship is used correctly, it will make you a wiser, more compassionate, and give you a greater sense of your own agency. It will make you take care of yourself like you never have before.
So, yes, sociopaths do a service, ME. They are true predators - they cull the weak from the herd, and make those who escape grow stronger. In recovery you have to ask - which one do you want to be?
Many recovering junkies have done the same.
ReplyDeleteI miss junk. IF i can think of any one moment of life that felt really good and complete it was when the speedball just started rushing through my brain. Buddhism is nice though.
DeleteI think what helped me recover was a lot of time alone. But also the fact dawning on me that what they had done did not have the same MEANING as a person who feels. Therefore, it wasn't real. It wasn't coming from a person with values, feelings and passion. It was a self-protective measure for him.
DeleteWhat I had to do was accept his condition prevented him from being the protector I wanted, despite the fact he could say nice things and be supportive. We just spoke again and I understand him. I understand that he won't ever get to the level he pretended to and that must be disempowering for him because then I had the power. Him abusing me was his way of saying he felt powerless and didn't like it. Nothing to do with me.
ONLY thing that realy helps is coffee (2nd)
ReplyDeleteI feel the same about coffee
Deletei highly recommend meditating and blaming yourself
ReplyDeleteWhat a load of trash from the above 'reader.That is not insight into ones self....unless you're a sociopath.
ReplyDeleteBuddhism...HAHAHA, yeah, that'll save you.
A seasoned sociopath looks to bring down 'THE STRONG'.It ups the antics of the game for them.
We are not talking about mindless high school S's that don't have self awareness here,are we? because the above post reads like that.The whole thing reads like its written by junior.
In recovery you have to ask yourself...not which one to be...
but rather...
if you can go back to being, THE STRONG beautiful person that you were,before the S,Mal narc,etc. entered your life.
....and UKan...
I prefer a light salt rub, myself.~
DeleteWell then,,pass the salt....
DeleteI believe, the pain of the manipulator is that people fall for the act...
ReplyDeleteIt may seem that people can't be bothered to look beneath the surface, and notice only the superficial.
Perhaps they mistake the mask of indifference, stoicism... for inner peace.
The surface IS superficial....
Deleteand there is no inner peace.
Life's what you make if it
DeletePeople think I have inner peace. When I tell them I do not, they look like they pity me. no thanks to that.
Deletenot all. I think there are some who are relieved to know I am more fragile than I seem. I think that's alright, I guess.
DeletePay close attention: if you broke up with an empath, then, no matter how it hurts, please DON'T become buddhist. In those cases, we recommend Islam instead. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWhaaaaaa??
DeleteYou are too sure of yourself. Too arrogant. You don’t bother to answer questions other people ask you. You think you know and understand everyone here, but you don’t. However, I know you, José. You shouldn’t have used your real name around here. Your cover is blown, and things are going to become very real very fast for you unless you stop posting your crap here.
DeleteIt wasn’t very hard to find you out, José. Friends can accidentally spill important information. There are traces of you on the Internet you don’t even know about. You went one too many times to Málaga. My god, week after week of travelling between Málaga and Madrid, José… Was this what drove you crazy? I see how that could happen. And 54 is such a sad age for many.
DeleteOh shit is going down.
DeleteDAMN I hope not
DeleteThis will be interesting
DeleteLooks like jose is shrinking lately.
DeleteAllah u akbah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Deletei'll be your friend jose :)
DeleteOf everyone in here, Zoe is one of the most free of group think.
DeleteI have been thinking about this a lot. Many people pass up the sociopath. I am talking from experience. The sociopath I loved was passed up by about 85% of the people in my group. 15% went crazy over him. The other 85% were appalled, as they could see a train wreck coming.
ReplyDeleteMy question is "Why did the 85% have no interest?" It is like natural health. They look at why someone is immune to a disease, while someone else gets it.
I think the root of one's falling for a sociopath is within oneself. I say that from experience, too. One must change the root or nothing will change. You can't really blame the outside entity which engaged your root.
I totally agree with this. After getting totally played by a seasoned sociopath, who put me through the wringer, I really took a step back and looked at myself. WHY had I allowed this to happen to me? WHY had a jumped headfirst down that rabbit hole? I know now that I am drawn to sociopaths because of what is in ME.
DeleteI recognize I put out very specific signals that draw sociopaths. I remember even having a conversation with my sociopath, telling him, we push each other's buttons for some reason, and I have no idea WHY. (He knew exactly why, but he wasn't giving up the game just then...)
In my case, my father was a sociopath. I was BORN placating him and playing his game my entire life. It was hard learned behavior with no definition. When I met my sociopath, I was DRAWN to him because he was EXACTLY LIKE MY DAD even though I couldn’t define why. He didn’t look like him or have the same trade or hobbies. Now I realize, I IMMEDIATELY fell back into a behavior pattern with him like I had with my father because he played the same controlling, manipulative mind games. It was familiar. It was what I knew.
In hindsight, I pretty much offered myself up on a silver platter for my sociopath.
I’m really glad actually that I had this experience. It almost destroyed me but I learned a lot about myself. And I learned the hard way I know the EXACT reason I react the way I do when someone sets off that “spidey sense” and to run the other way before I get caught in another web.
I wish an outside entity would engage my root right now :D
ReplyDeleteDon't always think with your root, TCO
Deletelol....:D
DeleteYou just answered it for me. The reasons I am attracted to them are a) they are fucking hilarious and b) I can be my genius self and not get pushed down by jealous bitch females. They respect me.
DeleteSocio are garbage plain and simple. In the prison system they are usually the "bitches", because they piss so many people off they need protection. And most prisoners are empaths, and they hate socios, just like the common population of earth. No sense trying to set up a board to try and say how they are any good.
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Yeah and how are you stupid empaths even going to spot a socio in a prison? People you consider cool, charming, powerful and likeable have a decent chance of being sociopaths. BTW only absolute dick shits hate on this blog.
DeleteAnyone can be sociopathic scum, in any version of faggotry, but for sure most faggots are socio.
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how to spot a socio:
Deletea disgusting ingenuity and fake-ness
fake fucked up smile
eyes that look "vacant"
usually in low level customer service jobs, the one's that have such a fake tone of voice you just want to slap the fuck out of them through the phone.
most likely gay.
talk a lot of "shit".
usually they have bruises on their face from getting beat.
toothless shit-eating grin, like ukan has.
and many, many, more.
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LOL
DeleteIt's okay Finger, vent out. I bet somebody really fucked you up. Shhh, it's okay to be frustrated.
DeleteFinger is a clear thinker.
DeleteI am looking for a Theme Song for Finger. He makes it kind of hard.
Deletetheme song for finger?
DeleteDAMN that is good, Zoe @@@@@
Deletecool dudes
Deletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MagCoUYvIXE
DeleteAnother theme song for finger? IS there a such thing as a closet sociopath? How about a closet sociopath/gay?
Finger: you will heal from you horrible prison experience in bitch-land. Even now, your butt probably doesn't hurt half as much as it used to.
DeleteFor UKan
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about the delusions that Medusa was talking about, yesterday. You teach me a lot about strong and weak, and winners and losers. I need that and I appreciate that.
However, I think you miss out on the power of love and altruism, as there is a power there, too. However, one must come from a place of strength, not weakness.
If one comes from a place of weakness, it is co-dependency.
Please give an example of altruism from codependency, Monica?
DeleteWell, a co-dependent NEEDS you to like her, for her to have self esteem. IOW, if you like her, she can like herself. She is not free to be herself, as she NEEDS you to like her, for her to have "self worth". That is a distortion of "self". That is why co-dependency is a PD, imo.
DeleteSo, if a co-dependent is altruistic, in order to get people to think she is nice and like her, that is not true altruism. True altruism is from a place of strength. You are strong enough to love because that is how YOU want to be. It is not based on your need for strokes.
Oh. Thank you. That must be a very sad situation if the fake altruism does not pay off.
DeleteExtremityJune 17, 2012 11:13 PM
ReplyDeleteTell me more about this guy, anon. At least, you know what needs to be done, all you need now is some courage. What you're about to do is important, because it's going to decide how your life will be. The path of a victim or someone who fought. You're 18, not 40, everything's possible.
ok so i was in high school with him in the same class. we hung around together. we wuld laugh together and have fun but sometimes he wuld insult me 4 no reason or beat me or make fun of me. he was afraid of people physicaly stronger then him and afraid of thugs. he wuld be afraid of takin the subway or he wuld be afraid of black people with loud mouths on the train. i was afraid of hittin back. thats about it. i didnt see him for 2 years but he thinks im his friend so i culd call him and we culd meat. thats y i want to set up a meetin tellin him i want to hang around and then beat him just 2 see him humiliated. just to see him beg for forgiveness and so i can be in control again
I think the sociopath mindset is total bullshit, we shouldn't even try to conform to the standard.
ReplyDeleteI don't even think there's anything worthwhile to learn from them, its just a load of negative ideas about how the world 'really' is.
Wallow in your self pity, fuckers.
Really? How does the ideas become worthless after being deemed negative? The truth hurts, denying it is just pathetic.
DeleteSo so sad...
Deletelol
Delete"he was afraid of people physicaly stronger then him and afraid of thugs. he wuld be afraid of takin the subway or he wuld be afraid of black people with loud mouths on the train."
ReplyDeleteObviously, this is case in point, for any of the fucking retarded socios up in this board.
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Haters gonna hate.
DeleteSociopaths gonna socialise.
Sociopath mean anti-social STUPID.
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And antisocial doesn't mean what you think it means, apparently.~
DeleteAsocial=/=antisocial.
DeleteToady's post is totally blowing through the jasmine of my mind.
ReplyDeletelol
Deletelol
DeleteThat feeling when you've emphatically, with great consideration, been trying to reason with a dog, why its a bad idea to eat its own shit...
ReplyDeleteI can't believe it, there must be something in there somewhere guys, if you guys are able to understand feelings, why do you deny that you have them?
DeleteNo ones going to hate you for your feelings, you guys need to let all that bottled up, sad nasty shit go you're better than that.
AnonymousJune 19, 2012 at 9:41 AM
DeleteThat feeling when you've emphatically, with great consideration, been trying to reason with a dog, why its a bad idea to eat its own shit...........
THIS IS TOO TRUE!
"It doesn't matter who you are, it matters who other people think you are."
ReplyDeleteHa. This is a comfort to a person with a weak sense of self.
Well in book "the psychopath test" one psycho said: "I care what other people think about me, because if they like me, they're easier to control". This sentence is better, imo. And normaly other people opinion shouldn't be above. Also, if other people have a very bad opinion about you, you are really fucked up. First you have to believe in yourself and only then force others to do the same (if you want for other people to like you).
DeleteThat was my quote and I don't need comfort.
Delete942 is my post and I wasn't talking about you, Mr. McNarc. I as talking about ME, Ms. Narque!
DeleteYou quoted me. So guess what? It's all about me. Start worshiping in t minus 3....2.....1.....
DeleteI quoted you, yes. Your quote comforted ME. Nowhere in my comments did I say YOU needed comfort. Your response was ridiculous. Are you drunk?
DeleteNo Im stoned.
DeleteTheme Song for Edens Sub
ReplyDeleteI would say be happy u got off so easy;-) u can learn a lot move on and be the sociopath next time lol
ReplyDeleteTheme Song for Finger
ReplyDeleteAw, you guys are actually so sweet, no wonder people can't
Deletestay angry at you.
Be careful if you pet an angry one, though.
DeleteI've petted an angry one and wow did he bite...;-) but then again I kind of liked it lol
DeleteDO tell..........................................................
DeleteU want me to tell lol ;-) why not he was into handcuffs,exhibitionism,spanking,leaving me with bruises and I live it..it was a little like a cliche 9 1/2 weeks., I ended up with a nice guy but I will always remember how good the evil can be ;-) lol
ReplyDeleteI never had that *SIGH*
DeleteMeant I loved it not lived it :-)
ReplyDeleteyay buddhist post :)
ReplyDeletereader wrote..
Buddhism will teach you to view the sociopath as a teacher, and to be grateful for them.
this is a bit much. it works only if you view everyone and everything as a teacher.
you have to because you learn from idiots just like from non-idiots, mistakes and all. that's how come i aint's stupit like my idiot sister but she taught me how not to be :)
Delete*bec
Deleteawesome!!!! sumbody whos learnts from stupit idiots can becum like so totally nots stupit. thanx for tiching me.
Deletewhat can we learn from you? :)
DeleteWhat do you need to learn?
Deletewhatever you need to teach me
DeleteI will be your Buddha and you will be MINE.
DeleteALL MINE .. Muhahahha
ReplyDeleteUkan you think you'd feel like lighting Monica's Mum on fire....seriously ,what would you do, if anything, to deal. How would you deal if you were Monica? Be in touch with anger and confront and sure that's the first step. But then what?
What would you as your younger cunty self done?
And how might you handle the situation differently in your non-cunty mindset you say you have now?
This was a question I missed yesterday and I was so bored I actually went back to read the comments. M.E. no more fucking religious bollocks, please.
If I were monica and my mum finger banged me and called me worthless I would kill my mum. Plain and simple. I don't let things go and if it has to do with someone humiliating me all the worse for them.
In my younger days or older days the answer is the same. I'm still a cunt. No doubt about it, so I can't tell you what I would do in my "non-cunty" days. When I get old I plan to be the biggest cunt on my block. Im going to throw rocks at passerbys from my porch and they'll excuse me as being senile.
Yay, cunts!
Deletewhat about jail, Ukan? You'd go to jail for murder. That's a long time.
DeleteNot every homicide gets solved.
DeleteSounds like a confession.
Delete@UKan
DeleteThat is someone who has dignity. Good words.
I used to have great dignity before I went numb. I was popular, a leader in whatever group I found myself. I was strong but not mean or a jerk. When I went numb, I became an ugly version of this------no dignity.
DeleteWhere do you live asshole?, I just called you a worthless fuck.
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Seriously, where the fuck do you live. Give me the correct address, and I will make sure you're dead soon.
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ok so i was in high school with him in the same class. we hung around together. we wuld laugh together and have fun but sometimes he wuld insult me 4 no reason or beat me or make fun of me. he was afraid of people physicaly stronger then him and afraid of thugs. he wuld be afraid of takin the subway or he wuld be afraid of black people with loud mouths on the train. i was afraid of hittin back. thats about it. i didnt see him for 2 years but he thinks im his friend so i culd call him and we culd meat. thats y i want to set up a meetin tellin him i want to hang around and then beat him just 2 see him humiliated. just to see him beg for forgiveness and so i can be in control again
ReplyDeleteanswer this plz ukan its from yesterday when i talked about the guy
You are already in control. This guy has nothing on you. He hates himself and his own weakness.
DeleteJust blow him off. That will be more painful to him than a busted nose.
Answer what? You are a coward. Do you really think you will follow through on that? I have my doubts.
Deletewhat if i do it ? so youre sayin i should do it?
DeleteYes, you should. Just the fact that he's scared of a bunch of kids with sweatpants on says a lot about how weak you and him are. Like I said yesterday, you know exactly what needs to be done. Don't ask yourself so many questions, just do. You have a great advantage over him. He trusts you and thinks you're going to meet him to have some quality time. He's all yours. You wanna survive? Then you have to fight for it.
DeleteExtremity, you, usually, rip me a new one(s) but I have to say the truth when I see it. That is great advice. I have been trying to take it.
Delete"Just Do It"
ReplyDeleteSO TRUE. my sociopath showed me a power i never knew i had. so grateful.
ReplyDeleteSociopaths can be your teachers, yes, I totally agree with this. Though, it's funny, I find myself to be a sociopath and the sociopath I dated has no idea I am one and vice versa. He actually confessed it to me a year later. Through him, I saw what power I was missing and what tricks I didn't know. The fact that we had so much in common and thought the same way enabled our relationship to remain stable for a long period of time. It was quite adventurous. We both deceived each other and had caught each other in the act, yet we were able to move past our little crimes quite easily. Had I known he was a socio, I wouldn't of had used the emotional tactics I usually use on empaths, because there is no point to it. In fact, to this day, after him having dated 2 other girls and being currently dating another, we continue to be interested in each other and remain close, sometimes too close. And i've been feeding plenty of lies to the girl i've been leading on for the past year because shes always suspicious of his and my surprising closeness. There are still plenty of things he teaches me along the way, and since he still believes I am an empath, he seems to be trying to figure me out. And I feel overwhelmed with power when I remember that I'm toying with another socio's mind, because socios usually don't get toyed with. But when its socio vs. socio? I may just be the more intelligent one.
ReplyDeleteI would like to know more on this topic. I was married to a socio 20 years. Dumb, I know. He got gobs of money from me, and I did all the housework too. I had this super archetypal need to stay married. Finally left because of the damage he did to the kids. You socios should not breed, worst freaking parents on the face of the earth. I kind of get the whole: buyer beware concept with you people, but the kids...they don't have a choice and it's just so damned cruel. If you like doing damage, then have lots of kids, cause those innocent little ones, they get screwed to the wall by socio parents, really badly. My kids are damaged goods from the crap he pulled. Anyway...I'm of course stuck picking up the pieces, glueing them back together with their psychosomatic health issues and messed up self images, but back to topic: He's remarried and he found another HIM. I just knew it the moment I saw their wedding picture, they have the exact same dead shark eyes and superior gloating. So: who's using who? Or do you socios have a code of honor and buddy up and just team up against everyone else? Those two scare me to smithereens. How does the socio on socio thing work, and can they possibly be happy?????????????????????????????
DeleteBuddhism this Buddhism that. How about a system that doesn't encourage you to abandon your beliefs or religion and instead helps you to understand them better?
ReplyDelete