From a reader:
With the retro posts I've been looking back at some of my old posts and comments in the sociopathworld archives. I've been baffled by some of my posts, and many have brought me to the point of laughing out loud. Ah, so young, so naive. I can't help but muse to how my mind worked when I first came to sociopathworld and the stubbornness with which I persisted. And today I realized, I remind myself of so many people who come in here now. Misguided, misinformed, or holding onto presumptions. I was younger, admittedly, which I use as an excuse to myself for what silly ideas I held, but it made me think of the benefits of staying at sociopathworld.
When I arrived at this place, like many people on here I was questing for my identity, sifting among labels, and identifying with every ailment. I'd call myself a sociopath. Then I deviated from that and just sort of accepted I wasn't sure what I was, and I didn't care. I was battered around like so many mice in a cat's paws, but I was delusional and resilient, and able to see the value in the many perspectives in this place. I'm still wandering around in search of answers, feeling something like a lost child, as if I never grow. And yet when I see the progress I have made in my understandings and my beliefs, I feel I have grown more than I would've imagined possible on first coming to sociopathworld. I look back and see how much I have changed in what I know and understand by the damage I have taken and persisted through. It's as if I've gotten to the top of a path and looked down at the hill I've climbed, and I feel suddenly shocked I've made it so high and far. The coldness of this place has helped me to move past so many silly ideals I was clinging to. "Good triumphs over evil, in all things! The system works for you, and is there to protect you... and mainly, it works! God will protect you! Martyrs are good people! Drug dealers are bad!" It's like a dream the rest of the world lives in that one day you just wake up from. So many beliefs have been shattered, not just by this place, admittedly, but this place has really helped me to understand and move past these beliefs. I've come to see the world more realistically, and grown past the childish values instilled in me by an idealistic world. I can see so clearly my faults, and the things I must move past. Ideas I would never have dreamed were a hindrance I now see as a weight, tainting my perspective, and blinding my actions.
Though it seems daunting, and extremely harsh upon first entering sociopathworld, the value of the honesty you will receive at this place is something you will not be able to get from anywhere else in the world. The lies you will here in response to the questions you ask will weigh your decisions, and though you will be blissful, you will be ignorant. And if that is a price you are willing to pay, than leave when the people here tell you what you don't want to hear. "He's cheating on you", or "he doesn't care about you" or "you're not a sociopath" or any other number of typical answers to typical questions. Wanting to believe the fairy tales you've been told your whole life doesn't make them any truer. But lingering among the wolves will show you how to use your talons in the harsh world outside.
With the retro posts I've been looking back at some of my old posts and comments in the sociopathworld archives. I've been baffled by some of my posts, and many have brought me to the point of laughing out loud. Ah, so young, so naive. I can't help but muse to how my mind worked when I first came to sociopathworld and the stubbornness with which I persisted. And today I realized, I remind myself of so many people who come in here now. Misguided, misinformed, or holding onto presumptions. I was younger, admittedly, which I use as an excuse to myself for what silly ideas I held, but it made me think of the benefits of staying at sociopathworld.
When I arrived at this place, like many people on here I was questing for my identity, sifting among labels, and identifying with every ailment. I'd call myself a sociopath. Then I deviated from that and just sort of accepted I wasn't sure what I was, and I didn't care. I was battered around like so many mice in a cat's paws, but I was delusional and resilient, and able to see the value in the many perspectives in this place. I'm still wandering around in search of answers, feeling something like a lost child, as if I never grow. And yet when I see the progress I have made in my understandings and my beliefs, I feel I have grown more than I would've imagined possible on first coming to sociopathworld. I look back and see how much I have changed in what I know and understand by the damage I have taken and persisted through. It's as if I've gotten to the top of a path and looked down at the hill I've climbed, and I feel suddenly shocked I've made it so high and far. The coldness of this place has helped me to move past so many silly ideals I was clinging to. "Good triumphs over evil, in all things! The system works for you, and is there to protect you... and mainly, it works! God will protect you! Martyrs are good people! Drug dealers are bad!" It's like a dream the rest of the world lives in that one day you just wake up from. So many beliefs have been shattered, not just by this place, admittedly, but this place has really helped me to understand and move past these beliefs. I've come to see the world more realistically, and grown past the childish values instilled in me by an idealistic world. I can see so clearly my faults, and the things I must move past. Ideas I would never have dreamed were a hindrance I now see as a weight, tainting my perspective, and blinding my actions.
Though it seems daunting, and extremely harsh upon first entering sociopathworld, the value of the honesty you will receive at this place is something you will not be able to get from anywhere else in the world. The lies you will here in response to the questions you ask will weigh your decisions, and though you will be blissful, you will be ignorant. And if that is a price you are willing to pay, than leave when the people here tell you what you don't want to hear. "He's cheating on you", or "he doesn't care about you" or "you're not a sociopath" or any other number of typical answers to typical questions. Wanting to believe the fairy tales you've been told your whole life doesn't make them any truer. But lingering among the wolves will show you how to use your talons in the harsh world outside.
FIRST!!!! Eat that mother fuckers!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI feel like M.E. posted this just for me. I'm touched. :'-)
ReplyDeleteAnd before someone asks, no, I did not write this in.
ReplyDeleteLol. I think its a testament to all of our sociopath world beginnings, really.
DeleteYou know why people like Ukan and Ellicit are all worked up today? Because ME wrote something good and positive and they can't stand that.
DeleteGo ME. Go everyone who wants to change and improve and pull himself up from the dregs.
Well, I guess that rules you out as the author. It says from a reader, silly.
DeleteMonica, we're here when you're ready to talk. See. Sociopath world is good for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kany.
DeleteThis is an interesting article about moral decisions
ReplyDeletehttp://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/03/070321181940.htm
Quote "By showing that humans are neurologically unfit for strict utilitarian thinking, the study suggests that neuroscience may be able to test different philosophies for compatibility with human nature."
The articles basically concludes that people have too much feelings to make rational decisions.
Does that mean sociopaths are not human? Why doesn't he conclude "some people are better at moral judgement than others because they can make rational decisions"
Is anyone else tired of this immoral stereotype?
"If certain emotions are blocked, we make decisions that -- right or wrong -- seem unnaturally cold."
DeleteThis seems to be a problem for me. Not that I cannot live with myself, it's just that I have to dig deep to make a decision based both on emotions and cold logic.
Logic seems so much more reliable. Because The more I use my emotions, the less in control I feel. And when I make a decision based on emotions I feel vulnerable. I risk disappointment, I feel like I am gambling, and I feel sort of like walking around with those blinders serve to both give me passion and give me grief. I think I used to do it all the time with men. People said I looked like an addict and unstable, too. They say I'm more centered now, more pleasant. I just feel colder.
Without my emotions I can die lonely, I can wither, I can be so cold and distant, I can really just be alone. I don't think that is good option for me.
I struggle to make decisions easily because of this back and forth.
It is very lonely. When I am here I do not feel alone with this.
I believe being a Christian alleviates some of these issues. It, certainly, has worked for many although the struggle is not easy.
DeleteI'm curious as to the author of your post (2nd and 3rd) paragraphs as I don't believe they are yours.
Delete^Referring to the Anon 8:16 post.
DeleteTHe top paragraph in quotes is from the article Wet linked. what else do you think is not mine?
Delete^Again, read post 11:17.
Delete^Forget it I am no longer interested in your reply.
DeleteI read 11:16 about 10 times. I just don't understand it. You think there are other people writing in my little white publish box with me?
DeleteI don't get this :
(2nd and 3rd) paragraphs as I don't believe they are yours.
What would you call a person who
ReplyDeletehas no empathy
has no lust for power
has no lust for wealth
is motivated by nothing but revenge
has no remorse
is violent
is sadistic
A bloody good time.
DeleteI don't think vengence is my only motivation, but short of that I would call that person... me.
DeleteME is so sexy
ReplyDeleteWhen I was little I would focus on my heart to make it flutter to have an emotion. I think every emotion I've ever felt has been like this. Except worry. I was a natural worrier are a kid. Seemingly from all the unprovoked abuse. I think the more accustomed I get to the natural darkness inside me the better off I'll be.
ReplyDeleteI think the more accustomed I get to the natural darkness inside me the better off I'll be.
DeleteReally ? I think this sometimes, and other times not at all. Doesn't this invite suicidal ideation?
No. You'd think so, but actually no. In accepting the darkness, you live WITH it as opposed to struggling to get rid of it. -It isn't as if it's likely to leave any time soon.
DeleteIt's like when an animal is caught in a trap or when someone has you in a throat grip where the more you struggle the closer you are to causing your own death.
One day what feels like a phantom throat grip will feel like a familiar light touch. Nothing more nothing less.
Theme for Medusa (and friend)
ReplyDeleteTheme for Medusa
ReplyDeleteEvery anxiety I've been made to feel has been externally induced. And I can break them whenever I please. Like when people say 'all those eyes, watching' that never resonated with me. So I performed and performed and focuses on 'those eyes' until it did. What a stupid child I was to kill my own natural grace. That's what I get for being born into such a low caste.
ReplyDeleteWhaaa?
DeleteThat's me. It explains why I've found it hard to cope with being a sociopath, because all of the anxiety hanger-ons of my childhood. I've banished them though. And I'm much better now.
DeleteHow did you banish them( non drug ways)
DeleteI took drugs to give me the proper strength and perspective to banish them. Weed triggered the perspective change and psychedelics helped me conquer them. It's been a long time coming.
DeleteDo you still take drugs or did the change stay?
DeleteOnly time will tell. The change happened real time as I was posting. There is still more work to do though.
Delete"God will protect you!"
ReplyDeleteYep, still delusional
Lil Boo is Sweetcheeks. Both have in common being the most, fucking annoying poster to ever walk through the gates of SW.
ReplyDeleteplus her clownface is scarier than Kuklinski.
DeleteKuklinski isn't scary, just honest.
DeleteThere is a scene in the movie 'Crazy Stupid Love', where Marisa Tomei is turned on by complete honesty . It is fucking hilarious. Reminds me of Monica :O
Delete740 lol
DeleteEllicit was 100% right about the Mal Narc stealing all of the things from you that would make you special( in a good way) Hence, not allowing you to have the proper sense of narcissism, which is needed to thrive. The Mal Narc seems to have an eye for any time you start to feel confident and hence could form some sort of solid identity. They dive in like a bird of prey and pick it away, while making you feel guilty for PRIDE.
ReplyDeleteThat is how you get ashamed of who you are. Pride is good and needed. Pride in oneself, for one's realistic good points is what allows one to have individuation i. e. an effing self.
I struggle more with the fear of being strong and confident and shouting who I am than being a weak thing hiding under the bed, in fear. That part of me is well developed ~
Then over here you feel like you don't hide in the bed?
DeleteI'll say it again, Monica: by placating your abusers, you hand over your personal power to them on a silver platter.
DeleteReal confidence is the fruit of self-worth. It cannot be bought by agreeing with your persecutors: repeatedly throwing your pearls before swine will only result in your being trampled underfoot.
repeatedly throwing your pearls before swine will only result in your being trampled underfoot.
DeleteAlter, are you saying Monica actually has pearls to throw before the swine here?
To clarify: emotional abuse can only hurt you if you internalize it.
DeleteIf you allow your burgeoning, vulnerable sense of self to be molded by the manipulative "advice" of people who are too proud, sadistic and arrogant to have your best intentions in mind, this is precisely what you are doing.
I am saying that she is baring herself to someone who would titter with delight if she were to point a gun to her head and pull the trigger, Elicit.
DeleteAnd yes- Monica does have a few pearls, but she is vulnerable and impressionable.
DeleteTo clarify: emotional abuse can only hurt you if you internalize it.
DeleteYes. Quite right. And I didn't internalize any of Monica's unprovoked abuse.
I'm not the most emotional of people though, so how does a person not internalize it if they're vulnerable?
by farting, so it gets away
DeleteMonica is worthless. She has nothing to give us but a video of her suicide.
DeleteI'm not worthless. :sigh:
DeleteGood question. By developing a keen sense of discernment?
DeleteI am not the most emotional of people either, so I'm not sure.
Perhaps anon is on to something; maybe her brain simply needs to indulge in a few good farts. :)
No, Monica, you are not worthless.
DeleteMonica is worthless. She has nothing to give us but a video of her suicide.
DeleteYes. She should use a gun. It's only fitting considering she drove her son to blow his own brains out.
Thank you. xx
DeleteCan we get a theme song for Monica's flatulent brain? :D
DeleteWhen is that video UKan was referring to coming out Monica?
DeleteKany
DeleteIf you have a baby with this pig called UKan, you are the stooopidist person who ever lived
Monica, why will you not simply take ownership of your own comments? When you snipe at ukan anonymously when he insults you, it is obvious.
DeleteWelcome back, Raven. :)
Shut up, Alter. This is all me, I'm good like that.
DeleteAlterego
DeleteIf a person uses Anon, they care to do so. Butt out.
So you expect me to believe you stoopid anonymous and Lil' Boo?
DeleteRiiight. You aren't intelligent enough to pull it off, you one-phrase wonder.
I'll butt in as I see fit, Erin. Have a nice day.
DeleteI was the fake Monica from the past few days, not Raven.
DeleteAnd that was totally unrespectful, you jesus freak.
Alterego
DeleteWhy do you feel the need to control who is an Anon and who is not?
Can you read, Extremity? I called stoopid^^ anon Monica, and 'Lil Boo Raven.
DeleteI was aware that the fake Monica was you; I simply don't care.
Erin, I don't feel the need to "control" anyone here, I just like pointing out the obvious.
I don't think Erin needs anything from you, Alterego.
DeleteThat's nice, Anon. :)
DeleteErin is free to accept or reject anything anyone tells her. It ain't my problem.
DeleteRight. That is the point! ^^^
DeleteLil Boo is not Raven.
DeleteYou are such a tard, anon. What I do and say is MY business. I will do and say as I please; how Monica *reacts* is HER problem. Everyone plucks at each other here; it is the nature of the beast. Therein lies the nugget of catharsis we are all seeking here, and to which ME alluded to in her post today.. Right?
DeleteIf Monica can glean wisdom from my words, so much the better.
But you have inspired me to probe a little deeper. I think I may have been inspired by the quote attributed to TNP, who called himself a "cruel mentor".
God gave me a very beautiful experience through an interaction I had with this man, that both confirmed to me that He is real, and that He is in me- even here. And I love Him all the more fiercely for it.
I think that comment inspired an echo of that in my heart today.
Are you sure, Elicit?
DeleteGod cut me down like no-one's business through the words I spoke to TNP once- and the words he spoke to me, LOL
DeleteGotta go for realsies this time, gonna be late for a play date, hehe.
<3 SW.
Yes. I am sure.
DeleteLil Boo is SWeetcheeks. She is like a planters wart.
DeleteYou mean plantar, right?
DeleteRight :P
DeleteMonica, alter started this thread by trying to make you doubt listening to me because she feels its a bold offensive to my attacks on her ego.
DeleteWhat you need to do is to learn discernment. She's right there. You need to learn some harsh judgements of people, including alter. She is nothing but a narcissist, and that's why you like her. My questions yesterday were trying to direct you to see that. You couldn't because you aren't ready to see your affinities lie in narcissism.
Kany, I don't give a flying fig if you and all of sw thinks I'm a narcissist. (Here a narc, there a narc, everywhere a narc narc, lol!)
DeleteI already stated what inspired my comment. That you should attribute it to something *you* said is a testament to your own conceit and inflated ego. Get over yourself. You are insufferably proud, but watching you strut about only to fall on your pixelated ass is always entertaining, Poptart. :)
Monica, awhile back you said you valued individual thinking. This is because you yourself lack this quality. In yesterday's thread, you claim that I justify myself incessantly, because you've heard kany and ukan say that. This, coming from a woman who repeats herself like a broken record- justifying why she is the kind of person she is- *every single day*. (Yes, I AM better than that. You should learn to take your own advice.)
You asked me why I want to "control" who says what "anonymously", because you have heard Raven berate others for trying to control her posting behaviour.
You claim that I am seeking approval, yet in the same breath you say that "you have a few people here who stand with you".
What people, Monica? And why the hell do you care?
Slowly but surely, you are decompensating and absorbing what your abusers are feeding you. Already, you tell yourself the lie that really- they are only trying to help you, in the same way that you excused your husband's behaviour when you permitted him to abuse your son.
Kany's husband has stated outright that he would enjoy seeing you kill yourself. But I am your sister in Christ, telling you that you are reveling in an unhealthy pattern, reliving your abuse through SW, and victimizing yourself again and again, as you re-mould yourself into whatever your abusers wish to see you become. Just like your mother did to you, all those years ago.
Wake the fuck up, sister.
And why, pray tell, should I trust your word, Elicit? You and Raven were tight. If she has asked you to deny her clown alterego so as not to ruin her fun, I suspect you would oblige her.
DeleteAlter,
DeleteI did NOT allow anyone to abuse my son. I would never do that and it did not happen like that.
Secondly, Alter, I told the truth about you from my own perceptions and you could not take that. I thought you might not be able to, but SW is all about honesty and that includes you, too.
For your information, SW has helped me be much stronger in my regular life. I am getting my confidence and self esteem back. I have my own goals and my own program, for myself.
It is working. God wants me to be here, and I will be until I no longer desire to be. Then, I will go.
For you, Alter, what I said to you was what I saw. My goal is to learn to speak from my own navel. If I am going to parrot Kany, I may as well join a sorority and dress the same as all woman.
I am here to become the individual I could never be, with my mother.
I am doing that, so that is the only answer( and reality) that matters.
Kany, check your email
DeleteI have my own goals and my own program, for myself.
DeleteYeah... A "program" that is so deeply motivated by a skewed need for acceptance by your abusers that you've created an arsenal of sockpuppets to cheer yourself on and make it look as though you have support.
I am doing that, so that is the only answer( and reality) that matters.
Clearly.
Eden is the Queen of the sockpuppets. You got the wrong girl. Monica just has Frank.
DeleteBullshit, Erin. I thought you said SW is about "honesty".
DeletePft.
My, my, you really are losing it Alter, that god of yours sure got in your brain.
DeleteAnd why, pray tell, should I trust your word, Elicit?
DeleteAlter, I thought you were asking my opinion on the matter and I gave it. There is no plot.
Stop it, Ladies.
DeleteI am looking for Sweetcheeks.
DeleteDang it. Monica, I think you should be less effected by insults from external characters. Try an experiment. Don't respond when they insult you. I know that'll be hard for you until you have more confidence, but right now, try not to let them hurt you. And if they didn't, you wouldn't feel you have to defend yourself so much. You let your emotional pulls dictate when you respond and when you don't. Practice keeping a little more distance.
DeleteEgo, shut the fuck up and stop making everything about you. For a second.
DeletePlantar wart? Really? I thought I was much cuter than that :o(
DeleteGood advice Kany. Not sure if she can handle it.
DeleteKany
DeleteI have one major goal here. I want to face myself. Alterego does not rattle me.
This isn't about me, Kany, it's about Monica's tendency to project.
DeleteIf Erin, a.k.a. Frank, The Fometile Bros, Hank, Frankfurt F, Themes, Monica, Caroline (RIP), How to Heal a PD, and a whole slew of others whose names are currently escaping me wants to take advice from someone who has openly stated that she thinks she should blow her brains out, it's her prerogative. But I am actually trying to help her.
Kany, baby, here's my one and only theme song for you.
*Smoooch* :D
Elicit, I didn't think it was a plot, so much as a desire to preserve a new identity. (Does that qualify as a plot?)
DeleteThanks for stating your opinion.
Does that qualify as a plot?
DeleteIt does if you think I'm actually covering up for her. For a few hours when Lil Boo first appeared, I suspected it was a possibility. If I still thought so I'd be the first to out her just to get her to cut it the fuck out.
Fair enough. :)
DeleteAlterego
DeleteI don't know how to say this out except for straight. I don't want your help. I don't want your assistance.
Of course not. I am exposing the uncomfortable truth.
DeleteI thought you liked me, Monica.~
You don't SEE me, Alterego. You see through your own filter of how I should be. It is not me, Alterego.
DeleteI see a sad woman with a dead son who lacks discernment, Erin.
DeleteThat said, you have aroused my curiosity. Help me to see you more clearly. What is a day in your "real life" like? What do you do on a typical day?
You say your business is expanding. What is the nature of your commerce?
Well, I can't answer all in one fell swoop. I don't want to be in the "Born Again Christian" box. I don't want to be in any box but authentic person who has access to all parts of herself and what it means to be human.
DeleteI am numb because my mother molested me when I was very young and I froze. Inside me is this frozen person. That is who I want to let out, so she can grow up.
I can be FINE in a group of church goers. I can be fine at a cocktail party but I am dying inside.
I don't need to be shoved back into any box, Alterego <3
It is honestly do not wish to shove you into any boxes, Erin.
DeleteI asked you two fairly simple questions because I am genuinely intrigued by how you will answer them. If you want to talk, I'm listening.
*I honestly do not wish...
DeleteAlterego
DeleteI am Monica. The first way you disrespect me is to call me Erin.
Would you kindly provide me with an explanation as to why you consider that disrespectful? Are you not Erin?
DeleteDon't call me by all those other names I've gone by since the invention of the light bulb, Alterego. I hate it when people disrespect that I expect them to keep up with who I want to be right NOW, as right NOW I want to be Monica, but use my real name to inform you, as to be uniquely contradictory.
DeleteLet's talk, tomorrow Alterego. I can tell you are sincere! xx
DeleteIt's great to finally meet you, Ami. :)
DeleteI hate it when people disrespect that I expect them to keep up with who I want to be right NOW,
So you consider it disrespectful that anyone should embrace anything about you other than what you wish to project. This belies a root of profound insecurity. If you want to get in touch with your authentic person, you must respect her enough to acknowledge her.
as right NOW I want to be Monica,
This "Monica" is another manifestation of the false self that you have built up to protect Ami, who is afraid and vulnerable.
but use my real name to inform you, as to be uniquely contradictory
There's that flare of anger, the desire to be your own person: uniquely contradictory
But your anger is misdirected. I challenge you to use your real name out of a love and respect for *Ami*.
No problem, Monica. If I am around, we can chat tomorrow. Good night.
DeleteAlterego
DeleteYour EGO is that you think you can know what is best for someone else, other than you. Kany is right when she says you are ego driven. I have made it clear that I don't want your assistance. I have said that several times. Yet, you think you know what is right for me, or best for me.
That is ego. That is what YOU need to work on. That is what Kany et al meant.
You don't SEE me, Alterego. You see through your own filter of how I should be. It is not me, Alterego.
DeleteMonica! I'm astounded by the accuracy and affront ness of this comment! Such immeasurable progress for you! And then you followed it with this:
I am numb because my mother molested me when I was very young and I froze. Inside me is this frozen person. That is who I want to let out, so she can grow up. I can be FINE in a group of church goers. I can be fine at a cocktail party but I am dying inside.
Which I think is fascinating. You made the connection verbally between alter and your mother by telling her she has no power over you and cannot see the real you, and then you turned around and made yourself vulnerable to her.
Firstly, I'm offended that you'll open up to ego and not me. But secondly, I find it interesting that you open up to someone so much like your mother.ThatThat you purposefully subject yourself to vulnerability. And then you say you trust her here:
Let's talk, tomorrow Alterego. I can tell you are sincere! xx
Admittedly I hope that's sarcasm.
So why did you just do that, Monica?
Your EGO is that you think you can know what is best for someone else, other than you.
DeleteAmi, you have repeated several times that you think you are numb inside. In fact, you recite the same spiel every single day, like an automaton. Why did you spout those words in automatic response to unrelated questions concerning your work and life, factors which could actually help me to *see* you better?
You deflect, avoid, or react with hostility any time anyone exposes an uncomfortable truth, or asks you a difficult question that would require self-disclosure that deviates from your script.
You are sensitive regarding your various pseudonyms, to the point of outright denying that you are their progenitor. That belies a root of insecurity, a profound discomfort surrounding your authentic self, a refusal to accept her. So you deflect. That has nothing to do with my ego, and everything to do with yours.
You must love and accept who you are before you can experience authentic healing. In order to do this, you will have to shake off the coat of shame you wear. This is not my pontificating to you about "what is best"; it is my pointing out a discernible, factually extant pattern that I have observed you demonstrate, over and over again.
That said, I am sincere.
Kany, why should you be offended that she should open up to me and not you?
You accuse me of thinking that I am better than you, but your own pride betrays you.
Monica! I'm astounded by the accuracy and affront ness of this comment! Such immeasurable progress for you
DeleteYeah. I gotta give credit where it's due. I was gobsmacked by her incisiveness there too. Maybe there is hope for Monica.
And anyway, the numb spiel is not Ami "opening up"; it is her deflection sequence. What I can't figure out (yet) is why it manifests in this way.
DeleteI guess you remind her of her mother.
DeleteMonica, I know you're mother molested you. Can you be specific?
I guess you remind her of her mother.
DeletePerhaps, although I would never abuse my children, and I think Ami knows that.
I am not sure I understand the psychological ramifications of the juxtaposition of a tendency to over-share in an inappropriate venue (i.e: Where she is likely to get shredded for exposing her vulnerability), coupled with a refusal to acknowledge her authentic self- to the point of outright denial, so bogged down is she in shame.
This is why I postulated earlier that Monica is decompensating: she is so desperate for the approval of her abusers that she is willing to walk right into your trap. (Or do you mean to tell me that you've changed your mind about wishing she would just blow her brains out and die?~)
If she didn't care about your approval, she would be immune to the ignominy cast upon previous incarnations and sock puppets.
Also, if it were simply a matter of my reminding her of her mother (I am curious as to whether she will latch onto that suggestion), why would she repeat the same spiel to everyone, everyday? That isn't "opening up".
DeleteWhy do you respond to my posts 2 comments and 10 paragraphs to my every 1?
DeleteJust shut the fuck up. This isn't about you.
Kany
DeleteAlterego and I share a unique bond. We are a rare breed of Christian who is truly Born Again. I would say this is about 20% of the people who call themselves Christians. I can tell that about her. As such, she has the spirit of the living God within her. People are gonna say"Right??" However, a person who is truly Born Again has had his own spirit exchanged for God's. That is what the Born Again experience is.
If you could open up Alterego( or me) and cut off our human part( personality and body), you would see the shining presence of Jesus. You would see the wisdom and love of Jesus.
However, in the body and personality/mind, the person is the same as he ever was. He can, with time, allow the new spirit to modify his mind and body. However, this is a lifelong process and never perfect.
So, Alterego has an ego( like anyone). She was abused, as most of us were, so we have frozen constructs (PD's) which we bring to the table, here, and everywhere.
It is to this part of her, I am talking when I say she sees me from her own ego.
However, I have a unique trust in her that I do not have for people who are not Born Again, as I know she has a part of her that is beyond all the human mess. It is to that part that I make myself vulnerable, as it can be trusted.
However, she is all these parts and that is why my response to her was confusing.
Alterego
DeleteI have told you I am Monica. That is who I say I am. It is YOUR ego to call me other names. You have an agenda for my growth and development that I have expressly said I do not want to embrace. Yet, you persist in telling me that it is the agenda I should, because YOU believe it to be. That is showing no respect for me and my decisions.
On top of that, you harass me, when you call me out on being an Anon. Sometimes, I want to be an Anon. That option is allowed on SW. JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK BEING AN ANON IS COWARDLY DOES NOT MEAN EVERYONE DOES. That is an example of your Ego.
You may disagree and think I should do things a different way. However, it is hubris and ego on your part to keep insisting that your way is right for me when I have told you many times that I do not want to things the way you outline.
Sometimes, I want to be an Anon. That option is allowed on SW.
DeleteIndeed it is. We are allowed enough rope to virtually hang ourselves. It's one of the beauties of this place. But it can't, and doesn't, work if it is clung to in an attempt to avoid reproach or responsibility. That would negate the capacity for positive benefit, don't you think?
How can you grow and face yourself if you're clinging to a screen you hide behind. A hiding place only you think keeps you hidden. That's why everyone who has been here for a while calls you on it. It is one of your most glaring delusions.
(Google probs so maybe a double post)
DeleteSometimes, I want to be an Anon. That option is allowed on SW.
Indeed it is. We are allowed enough rope to virtually hang ourselves. It's one of the beauties of this place. But it can't, and doesn't, work if it is clung to in an attempt to avoid reproach or responsibility. That would negate the capacity for positive benefit, don't you think?
How can you grow and face yourself if you're clinging to a screen you hide behind. A hiding place only you think keeps you hidden. That's why everyone who has been here for a while calls you on it. It is one of your most glaring delusions.
I will miss SW when it ends.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm getting replaced, anon, so things'll be different around here anyway. IOW you won't be missing much anyway. I got the pink slip this morning, fucking ME. Packin my shit in a cardboard box.
DeleteWhy, CEO?
DeleteWhy? Srsly, you're asking me why a sociopath does stuff?
DeleteWhen a sociopath gives you your walking papers you don't ask why. You take them and go like an athlete that gets traded.
I have a feeling it's because of Monica. He wants to keep her, but my pheromones are strong, and she loses it when she sees me.
That, and the lovefrauders have been courting me all year. ME found out. He's stingy with the buckage, and they have a ton of cash over there to blow on a useless figurehead.
How could she not lose it, CEO?
DeleteFlattery doesn't pay the bills, anon.
DeleteOK, Sir.
DeleteI feel like I haven't been totally honest with you, SW, as I lied many times. I hated god as a young child for giving stopping powers to my mother and I hated her for the same reason. UKan asked me a fair question. He asked me if I could give details of my molestation and I feel like doing so today, as I am writing this. I enjoyed it, but she would never finish, as she had stopping powers. :sigh: I loved god again when I realised such individuals with no stopping powers existed, as they would fulfill my naughtiest dreams. xx
ReplyDeletelol
DeleteI am not worthless, as I am pretty, as I am smart, as I have my business, getting more succesful everyday.
DeleteI am very good at cooking, so good I could burn water.
Deletelol
DeleteTheme Song for Monica
ReplyDeleteTheme Song for Monica
DeleteBetter Version
ReplyDeleteTheme Song for Monica
Clap!In my view:Your best post by now M.E <3
ReplyDeleteYour about to give me a heart attack
ReplyDeleteI saw a whole mess of different perspective, and then one day I found this site. Progress or an attack my belief system is not going to happen here for me. I lack capacity to make lasting progress or to believe anything anywhere, and there is nothing about myself that words on a website could attack because I sincerely could not give two shits. What I like about this kind of site is its existence means some people who care to read about a particular concept can open their minds just a little more than they might be otherwise.
ReplyDeleteIt's not all about attack. There's ignoring the barbs that come from open comment systems, and then there's being blind. This has proven to be a useful place for the progress of some individuals, so I don't think it's entirely appropriate to write it off. If nothing else, it's a useful place to learn about the difference between bullshit and worthwhile information.
DeleteI'm a messy baby.
ReplyDeleteI thought Sociopathworld was the bad part of town. This thread is the bad part of the bad part of town. Sort of like Kibera compared to Compton.
ReplyDelete