I recently watched a fascinating video on psychopaths, which describes psychopathy in terms of attention.
In a nutshell, psychopaths don’t pay attention to the same things that normal people pay attention to. E.g. take a cat: when it sees prey, it focuses its attention on catching the prey. It ignores pretty much everything else. Psychopaths are similar; when they are focused on getting something they ignore other information (the feelings of others).
Narcissists are hypercompetitive. When they compete, their attention focuses on what it will take to win; they marshal all the mental resources they can to that task. Notably unimportant: how others feel.
One fascinating exercise (see the video) asks subjects to focus on images, and ignore the words written on the images. The psychopaths do great at that task; they are able to focus their attention narrowly and keep working towards their goal. In some high-stakes circumstances the psychopaths will outperform normal people, who will break down and lose.
A bit how men can’t understand why women want to talk about feeling so much, psychopaths have a hard time understanding why normal people are so disinclined to be brutally effective. To a psychopath, things are crystal clear. One “benefit” of being analytical, low-empathy and morally utilitarian is that one can arrive at simple and brutal solutions and see them through.
It's funny how consistent this mentality is amongst sociopaths. Everyone comes in different shells, different races, different genders, and sometimes even when I know someone is a sociopath I will just start seeing them as that shell, like I do with everyone else. But they're not like everyone else. They're singular.
First.
ReplyDelete...But on a more serious note, M.E's recent posts haven't really spoken to me - they've seemed almost sympathetic to a cause not yet established. However, this post does speak to me. When my father decided to destroy someone(actually, it wasn't so much a decision as it was an intuition), he was capable of immense focus, despite the fact that he spent the rest of his life living in unabashed impulsiveness (my father was a sociopath, though, not a psychopath).
DeleteDid your father make you privy to his agendas? Sometimes I get the impression from your posts that he took you under his wing, as a "confidente" of sorts.
DeleteIf that is true, how did it make you feel?
He did. It confused me at first, but then I moved past the confusion because I figured that there was something I could learn from it. I wasn't sure, at the time, whether I'd be learning about him, myself or society, but it was intriguing. I appreciated the chance to gain some insight into his condition and some of the circumstances that moderated it.
DeleteI've been accused of being a sociopath, though I can certainly acknowledge that I'm capable of empathy - its just a narrow field. I'm too rational to run away with my emotions. I love, but its primarily selfish. This encapsulates well why I identify with sociopathic personalities in the media:
ReplyDelete"To a psychopath, things are crystal clear. One “benefit” of being analytical, low-empathy and morally utilitarian is that one can arrive at simple and brutal solutions and see them through."
I'd fucking love to not feel anything. Life would be so simple. Morals cease to matter in that arena. I've lusted for a pure, rational mind for most of my life.
Feelings are a part of life. Why would you want to not experience any part of this life? How old are you?
DeleteHuh. You are clearly an intelligent person. I am not surprised that you exploited the opportunity to learn about society from his perspective.
ReplyDeleteAt what age did you come to understand that your father was definitively a sociopath- according to the clinical definition of the term- as opposed to the instinctive understanding that "something is wrong with this man"?
You said "sociopath" and not "psychopath". How do you distinguish between the two? (I ask for your definition because there is a considerable amount of confusion and overlap surrounding these terms in the field of psychology.)
I suppose "appreciative" qualifies as a feeling, so I will attempt to better elucidate my question. Did you ever feel intimidated or uncomfortable because your father related age-inappropriate or otherwise objectionable practices and/or agendas?
Thanks for being willing to share, Selena.
No problem, Alter!
DeleteI became aware that my father was grooming me when I was fourteen, but he didn't reveal that he'd received the diagnosis until I was sixteen. Prior to that, yes, I certainly did gain the impression that there was something different about my father, but I didn't concern myself with trying to figure out whether it was good or bad.
I think that a psychopath is generally more organized than a sociopath; their capacity for planning tends to be more refined. That's just me, though.
I never questioned the age-appropriateness of my father's dialogue. I suppose that that's something a teenager rarely considers without adult input - I know that my mother would've been horrified by the direction of our conversations, but that's a retrospective observation. At the time, I was just interested in listening to my father's perspectives.
Do you mind if I ask you how you came to know that your father was a psychopath?
I think I was 7 the first time my father coached me, (it was like how to do method acting) to assist him in committing a crime.
DeleteI find it interesting that your father chose to mentor you.
DeleteI use the term "psychopath" (as opposed to sociopath) in referring to my father because he was an extremely violent man. I suspect that many of his traits are hardwired, on account of their severity, but he was brought up in a terribly abusive environment, so I guess the term "sociopath" would be equally appropriate. I only realized what he is about 9 months ago, when I began to research my own psychological patterns.
Although he never received an "official" diagnosis, I am pretty sure he fits the bill. The man spent seven years in prison for aggravated assault. He ripped someone's ear off, and gouged another victim's eye out, but I am not sure which stunt landed him in jail. He worked as a paid thug for an organized crime outfit in the province where I live. He was a drug dealer, and a smuggler of illegal substances and persons across the border from Canada to the U.S.
My mother is the only woman he was ever with that he didn't beat to a pulp at one point or another.
These days, he has softened up a great deal. He is the kind of grandfather I wish he had been father: a sweet, charming, kindly old man who worships the ground they walk on. He has come to faith on his own terms. But he remains defensive, aggressive and emotionally juvenile, towards me in particular. He's a codgy old bastard when he wants to be, but I love him anyway. I accept him for who he is.
Nobody told me any of this when I was a kid. All I knew is that everyone both loved and feared my dad.
Ellicit, what was the crime?
DeleteTheft.
DeleteGreat posts!
ReplyDeleteI might show this to my mom so she will understand how I can walk around and not notice her like she doesn't exist. Because she only exists insofar that she can provide me something. And she's so doting and overbearing, providing input when I've already set my mind to a course, that I don't even want to talk to her. It must be hard for her. I wish she would just die though. She's putting a lot of strain on me emotionally. Those are all terrible things to say but they aren't lies.
ReplyDeleteMy mother was disorganized in her thinking. Thank God. The guy I knew was disorganized in his thinking, too. That was a blessing to me, or I would have been destroyed, down to the bone.
ReplyDeleteYes, I can see how a psychopath would be a formidable foe to most empaths. In fact, the rare empath would emerge unscathed.
I suppose the empath would have to have some sort of inherent weakness, to be taken down. Maybe not, though. We all need love. We all need attention. We all want to feel that we are special, as that is the human ego.
Does that make everyone ripe for a psychopath?
Yesterday I liked you. Today I have a visceral urge to munch on your jugular. Why do you do this to me, Monica. Can't you see I'm in pain whenever you're around?
DeleteSomething about how you write, Monica 3:32, holding own words at arms length, makes me want to destroy you. Let it out. Let something real out. I promise we don't bite.
DeleteCaesar. First things first. Are you a sociopath or a psychopath ~
DeleteI have a similar feeling too, Caesar.
DeleteMonica, what is the difference between the two.
I've answered this already if you look back a couple posts. I'm interested to hear what you think the difference is though.
DeleteThe difference between psychopaths and sociopaths is that psychopaths are kind, generous and can hold their impulses inside by playing video games and they rarely lie unless they would need to. A psychopath would be too intelligent to break the law, because it would go against his self preservation. They constantly struggle with their demons but they don't act on it, as they're too intelligent.
DeleteWhere can I find this referenced? I have read a similar distinction try to be made but each time the distinctions seem to be more to the taste of the one making the distinctions to begin with.
DeleteMonica, that's the Zwank delusion definition of psychopath. Aka autistic nerd.
DeleteNo. Psychopaths have a code, they learn it at a very young age, by themselves or by their fathers. It stops them from doing petty mistakes that will send them directly to prison.
DeleteElicit
DeleteI have an account, so the fake Monica( bless her heart ~)can do her own thing with no relationship to me.
Show me an expert that agrees with that statement monica. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard from you. Psychopaths are kind? Ha ha ha.
DeleteUKan, that isn't Monica. Come on you're better than this.
DeleteYes, they are kind, as they have learned from life's experiences on how to respect the code. The code is in every single psychopathic mind, not sociopathic, as you can not understand.
DeleteYou bit on implied flattery? Do you allow others to bait you that way?
DeleteNo Ceasar, apparently he is not better than that. It is a highly exploitable weakness.
DeleteAssuming monica would say something stupid is not a weakness. Its learned behaviour.
DeleteBut that isn't even Monica.
DeletePlug it, James Brown
DeleteCaesar, I see where you said you are just about to celebrate 21 years on this rock. Congrats. I asked because i thought you might be about that age. A lot of new things going on for you? New thoughts? Ideas? People? Places? Things?
ReplyDeleteSomething like that. I went to college and flunked out smoking weed and trying to wrap my head around all of the changes around me. I lost control of myself and those around me and it was a lot to cope with. I've only now digested it all and myself. It took a lot of time of singular focus. I don't think I'd pull it off while worrying about anything else. I'm ready to go back to college a newly born sociopath.
DeleteAbout flunking out, I definitely wouldn't have if I wasn't smoking everyday but I think the good outweighs the bad. For the first 18 years of my life, starting around six, I turned off my brain and my emotions to cope with my home environment and simply focused on school, as groundwork for my life in college. Once I got to college though, when my emotions and shit turned back on, I was aware that I was far behind my peers in every area except intellect and that I didn't like myself. So from there I set out smoking, examining myself, and fixing the things I became aware of. College was a secondary goal and eventually got in the way so I just stopped going to class. I really thought I would have passed the finals anyway but I didn't. ;-) Oh well, that's life. I'm just waiting to get called up to Job Corps and then it's round two. Me versus life.
Since flunking out I've been that guy mentioned in the video. Just sitting in my room, avoiding responsibility, thinking, consuming media, and self-improving. I now feel like I'm a finished work and ready to exhibit.
I should elaborate that the reason I was behind is because I didn't really actively make any friends all through grade school. I moved around a lot as a kid because I was a military brat. Somehow I never noticed how I lacked outside-of-school friends so when this left me socially deicient. When I got to college I noticed how immature I was and how I was failling to pick up on social cues, things as simple as saying Hi to someone when you see them. I didn't like that so I had to train myself to catch up. Like malcolm X teaching himself to read. I still am pretty low key, keeping no friends but myself, but I like to play people against each other. Like a board game. I tell myself it doesn't bother me but it does a bit. Manipulating people is how I put forth the illusion of normalcy while keeping myself from getting angry/bored.
DeleteI asked your age because you posted this:
Delete“For the last year and a half I have been endeavoring to be a better sociopath, make better decisions, and control people with more precision. “
It is good to try to be a better you; to progress. I would suggest that you try to see yourself as more than just your ASPD. What else do you? What else are you?
“And I recognized at the root of my problem was my anxiety and worry-causing mental schema. It was something I adopted as a child to stop making mistakes that lead me to be beaten by my militaristic mom.”
Anxiety. I’ve seen on these posts as well as in some other reading where ASPD isn’t usually associated with anxiety. I know some narcissists who say they feel something along the lines of anxiety at times, but nothing to the state of worry. Abuse has been linked to a few PDs.
“I needed to undo the years of reinforced pattern of thinking and root out the cause of my anxieties. I wanted to become the powerful kid I was when I was six. ”
Wow. That little bit said so much. How were your powerful at six? Mind you, this is what I got from you:
-excessive feelings of self-importance
-Exaggerate achievements and talents
-preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
Those are all three indicators of narcissism.
“I only realized the problem after smoking weed for the first time and the flood gates of anxieties were opened and I met my subconscious. “
Yes. I can see where the is a substance involved here. Not sure what you meant here.
“After a year and a half I have finally cleared the last hurdle in magnificent fashion and am now reborn. I could try to make that less hippy-ish and more personal but I'm not going to. I hope you approve.”
I like that you are trying to be a better you. Now I’m going to read the rest of your posts that I see I missed while writing this out. I hope you continue to share.
I like you so far, Tom.
DeleteTom Hill 6:44
DeleteI was only gonna comment on two things but I ended up writing a complete response. It's long as fuck. Here it is:
You remarked how most PD's say they experience something akin to worry and most don't say it's that outright. I use that word because it's the most coherent. It get's the point across. I wouldn't call it worry that I was experiencing. It was more like anxiety. A habit of thought that followed his flow. "What is the worst consequence possible for this action? Am I willing to pay that should it occur?" It reached Obsessive Compulsive levels when I would run through that self check when doing the most mundane things like moving my arm from my head to my side, or turning around instead of walking forward after realizing I forgot something in my room.
I needed to stop doing that in order to move forward. So I have and now I just think "I want to do this." Or if I know it something that requires at least a bit of thought "Is this a good idea? I think it is." That was my last mental hurdle and I'm proud of myself because I feel whole again.
The second thing that caught my eye was you mention of narcissism. I've always been narcissistic. I was that kid who believe he would rule the world. I would tell people "I will do this because I'm the best person who ever lived." I would say it sarcastically but only because I knew my peers wouldn't be receptive if they thought I was serious. The quote by Ali used to resonate with me when I was 16 because looking back I saw a long line of narcissistic actions.
"Exaggerates achievements and talents." To this I say, I have to exaggerate my achievements and talents. If I don't my narcissism will break. Then what will I be.
Since coming out the other side of my trauma, I've set my sights on examining my narcissism and whether it's something I want to keep in my head. I watched Serena Williams win the Gold at the Olympics yesterday. I was genuinely happy for her. Then I turned around, looked back and got up. I told my mom "I don't want to watch anymore because I'm upset because I realized I will never be an Olympian myself." I don't think I've ever been so malignantly narcissistic so I've decided to reevaluate what's good and what's bad.
Since flunking college I've had to rein in my meteoric sense of self and my expectations for my future. I think that aspect of my narcissism is a relic that is no longer realistic. When I was in grade school and we were all on an equal level it made sense. "We are in the same grade. I have better grade then you. Thus I'm better." But now, I need to retool it to be compatible with reality. I might have to remove it all together, although I like the sense of worth and well being it has provided.
"preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love" Yes. Naturally I would be. I'm a sociopath. I'm naturally good looking. I can makes plans to get what I want and execute them brilliantly. If I want power, I know how to take and preserve it. I'm intelligent. Did I mention I'm incredibly modest? Why shouldn't I be obsessed with these things that I hold, and also seek to keep only those around me who can match up.
I may have to rein in what I consider successful, just so I don't wind up resenting the accomplishments I will hopefully achieve but the rest is just common sense. I never understand when empaths scoop their friends from a lower caste. I've always been a snob in one way or another. It's only with growing maturity that I'm able to be more shrewd.
continued
DeleteRobert Greene, a contemporary Machiavellian author, (one who I hold dear to my heart as a wonderful credit to mankind) wrote a book called the 48 Laws of Power, One of the rules is "Avoid the Unhappy and the Unluck, they will infect you like the plague." My life experience has beared this out.
During my one year of college I tried to take this young freshman under my wing. He reminded me of myself. And what I could be with less natural...everything: grace, intellect, agression, alphaism. He was a mirror to my psyche. I tried to mold him into what he could be. I failed and looking back I would have had a much more successful year had I shunned him. I heard a year later that he was doing much better and had apparently taken someone's advice. I guess hindsight is 20/20 and something he heard sunk in. I did good but it didn't benefit me.
Anyway, I digressed, the reversal of Robert Greene's law is surround yourself with the happy, the lucky, the successful, the talents, because your reputation will be bolster, you will seem better by their juxtaposition, and maybe some of that luck, talent, grace etc. will rub off on you.
How was I powerful at six? I was funny, intelligent, naturally charming, a ladies man, and a guy's guy. I was a perfect storm of all of the good in me. I acted without thinking and all the chips fell into place without conscious effort. I'm now trying to extrapolate who that seedling should be, were I not abused and shut down by my environment. It seems a little idealistic but my goals are grounded in reality and I'm being reasonable with what I can accomplish.
I think, over the next year, I will be back on top. Saying that makes me feel vulnerable. I don't like to reveal plans in their infancy, it allows the less enthusiastic to get their stink on it. Oh well, you've somehow succeeded in opening the flood gates (by paying me a constructive, yet sober attention) so I'm being 100% candid.
I do try to see myself as more than my ASPD and moving forward I will do so even better. I'm a musician. I sing. I plan to take voice lessons to refine my voice. I'll continue to dawdle with the guitar until I'm better. I've found recently that I have a budding, genuine interest in films as well. Beyond that, I just AM. There are no other relevant labels. I don't limit myself in what I try or what I'll become though.
SON OF A BITCH. This is my longest post ever and I apologize for making it.
I need to retool it to be compatible with reality.
DeleteYou have retooled it. You now think you're a sociopath. Once again incompatible with reality.
I was afraid giving you guys too much information would make you believe it's a good idea to taunt me. It isn't. It leads nowhere. Though it does annoy me ever so slightly.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Delete“I was only gonna comment on two things but I ended up writing a complete response. It's long as fuck.”
DeleteYes, it is.
“You remarked how most PD's say they experience something akin to worry and most don't say it's that outright.”
I don’t recall mentioning that.
“I use that word because it's the most coherent. It get's the point across. I wouldn't call it worry that I was experiencing. It was more like anxiety. A habit of thought that followed his flow. "What is the worst consequence possible for this action? Am I willing to pay that should it occur?"”
Again, from what I have read anxiety doesn’t seem to be a concern for ASPD. Narcissists have been known to show a level of discomfort (anxiety perhaps) when their image is under attack or threatened.
“It reached Obsessive Compulsive levels when I would run through that self check when doing the most mundane things like moving my arm from my head to my side, or turning around instead of walking forward after realizing I forgot something in my room. “
Was this before or after you were introduced to weed? I don’t know of anything like this. Perhaps a nervous system disorder.
“The second thing that caught my eye was you mention of narcissism. I've always been narcissistic. I was that kid who believe he would rule the world. I would tell people "I will do this because I'm the best person who ever lived." I would say it sarcastically but only because I knew my peers wouldn't be receptive if they thought I was serious. “
Narcissism, as I am sure you are aware, isn’t just being narcissistic. You are making a strong case right now.
“Exaggerates achievements and talents." To this I say, I have to exaggerate my achievements and talents. If I don't my narcissism will break. Then what will I be. “
I think we might have something. I am no more certain of what you are than you at this moment, but I do see a lot of introspection going on and I think the answers are coming to you. Understand that sometimes the answers are not the ones we are looking for.
Sorry about that.
Delete"Narcissists have been known to show a level of discomfort (anxiety perhaps) when their image is under attack or threatened."
DeleteI am a narcissist. I got mad that I couldn't use my voice to rebuke Ellicit and that I can't see her. Now I feel waning anxiety. I'm not a sociopath.
8:13 That was a lie. I didn't feel anxiety about my image. I felt glum that I can't be anonymous and I've reached the point where Elicit, the cunt, can pounce on me. I was enjoy the comfort of semi-anonymity. I'm ready now though. Bitch mode activated.
DeleteI don't care if I'm a sociopath or not. It doesn't change how I think, feel, or act and it doesn't change my trajectory moving forward. Sociopath is a useless phrase that holds no power over me.
This leads me to question whether a sociopath would have such an emotional reaction. I know sociopaths do have emotions but in that instance, although the dissonance was shallow, I feel I was far to weak to ever call myself a sociopath.
DeleteI have this image in my head of a sociopath being immune to all forms of dissonance and anxiety. That likely isn't the case. To what extent can an anti-social feel emotion from persecution?
DeleteCaesar, I'm not even certain you are a narcissist. You clearly admit and display narcissistic behavior, but again that doesn't mean you are a narcissist. I think it safe to say you are not a sociopath. What I can conclude is that you are a young man with lots of questions and not nearly enough answers. You're anxiety could very well be depression. It is not uncommon for young men and women to become depressed when faced with the actuality of life at your age. Then couple that with drug abuse and the depression can become worse. You dropped out of school, but want to return; this shows me you may feel as if you have failed. Add that to all your unanswered questions, new drugs which you admit became a norm, and we have a great recipe for depression. Depression with drug abuse can mimic PDs. I think you are going to be fine. Stop smoking the weed (paranoia might go down, less anxiety), get back in school, get a good semester under your belt and you'll be OK.
DeleteYou are pretty cool, Tom.
DeleteAnd by that, I mean that I would love to have that juicy and meaty cock between my mouth and suck it dry. Oh, Beautiful Tom.
DeleteYou're completely wrong, Tom. I appreciate the advice. You have some conceptions that are a bit off base but Elicit made me feel vulnerable and has given me some things to chew on so I won't correct them right now, because I might spiral into a think spiral. The reason I want to go back to college is to get my bachelors so I can get my MD.
DeleteI'm not depressed. Never depressed. If not a narcissist and not a sociopath then I am just me. I don't feel like this line of questioning has any kind of consequence though.
Thank you, Monica 9:03. I get the whole "fake" Monica thing. It would be amusing to find out you have multiple personalities. Do you feel comfortable enough to share your age or at least an age range with me now?
DeleteCaesar, it was but one observation and one bit of advice. If you did stop smoking the weed and bring home a nice 3.5 GPA or better your first year I don't think that could hurt you at all, though. And you might just see things in a different light.
DeleteTom Hill 9:55
DeleteYou seem to be one of those How To Heal a PD accounts in disguise. That Monica approves of you is the final nail in your coffin.
I have a son just graduating college. Caesar is a so annoying Eden puppet--Grrrrrr
DeleteCaesar, I don't think you have a PD. I wouldn't try to "heal" a PD. I see a lost young man in you who needs direction and is grasping at any compass heading he can in order to figure out what is going on. You dropped out of college and started toking up. You have this amazing epiphany through your drug induced personal journeys that have led you to believe you are even more special than our modern society has already had you feel. But now this special is a "different" special. You can not possibly be like all these army ant-like people going about their daily lives because you have had the epiphany. Your anxiety is a clear manifestation of an underlying issue that I see could be depression.
DeleteBut, again, that's just my take on the subject. Stop the drugs. Go back to school. Enjoy life.
Tom Hill 10:30
DeleteYou're completely wrong. You got my story wrong. And I don't do drugs.
"I went to college and flunked out smoking weed and trying to wrap my head around all of the changes around me"
DeleteThese were your words. I said you were a lost young man looking for answers who may be battling from depression. A young man who should stop doing drugs (because your head is a little fucked up right now) and get back to school in order to help build his self esteem thereby combating some of his anxiety. You admitted to all this. Is this not right? Would you like to retract some statements?
Troll harder nigger.
DeleteI think he's pretty spot on.
DeleteWow. That's a strong reaction.
DeleteYou can not see the beauty/ugly of your face if you refuse to see your reflection. Good luck, Caesar.
DeleteThe racist slurs are uncouth, and unnecessary.
DeleteOh please. So is 75% of what comes out of your husband's mouth. (The remaining 25% being uncommonly incisive, it might behoove him to reverse that ratio.)
DeleteMy husband is not a racist,
DeleteSo only your husband's brand of crap is acceptable?
DeleteAlterego has a very good point, Kany
DeleteTo me, why wouldn't it be? He's a brand of crap I can tolerate. Your brand of crap, I can't. Its weird that I would get married to someone like that.
DeleteMedusa
ReplyDeleteI have an idea why you got so upset, yesterday. If you want, I will share it. However, I feel it will not be easy for you to accept as it will involve ego reduction( and no one wants that)
How nice of you to think about Medusa's ego. You're definitely a psychopath, not a sociopath, as you're kind.
DeleteContrary to your self-centered beliefs, no, I'm not upset. Quite the opposite.
DeleteMonica, just because we offend you doesn't mean we're mad at you.
DeleteOk Medusa
DeleteI thought I could offer you some insight, but you would need to want to accept it, as I don't want to offer it, otherwise.
Kany, I don't know your deal after your stupid comment about babies and masturbation yesterday.
Do you believe that or were you just trying to get a rise out of me?
Monica, I would like to paint my walls with your brain matter.
DeleteI know, Caesar ~
DeleteAs long as you know baby. ;-)
DeleteI would tell you to get thee behind me, Monica, but you are already so far behind.
DeleteJust like your friend and everyone else in the world~
DeleteFunny that, it was just one week ago that she told me that she and I were better than everyone in the world. Verbatim.
DeleteSo it's neither one or the other, now is it? There are at least 50 shades of grey, sparkles.
Medusa
DeleteYOU have to be superior to everyone. You will have no relationships of any kind(except animals) unless you face it. You can diss me all you want, but the fact remains.
That is the upshot of your whole story with your friend. SHE is not superior. You are. Both ways are not grounded in emotional health/reality. You just flipped sides. You wanted me to climb into your friends boat i.e. inferior to you. When I didn't, you flipped out.
MEDUSA THERE ARE NO SUPERIORS OR INFERIORS. Everyone is equal. Ponder that when you smoke your next joint~
What I'm thinking is that you are feeling very insecure right now, and so you are defaulting to your own house of cards in which you have been living for many years, all alone, pointing your finger at the mirror and screaming at it.
DeleteNope I am not. I am doing really well. I can see the Mal Narc thing. It is all about superiority. You always have to be superior. It is a friggin prison. It is not real. It is a distortion and a delusion.
DeleteAllow me share with you a little ditty I wrote a while back:
DeleteAnger is fear.
Fear is prison.
Prison is no fun.
Prisoners are even less fun.
I dedicate this song to you, my love.
You will never look at yourself, Medusa.I don't understand why not, but I guess you can't.
DeleteIf you had said this to me a week ago, you might have been right. For I was seeing you in the mirror the whole time.
DeleteWhat do you mean "seeing me in the mirror?"
DeleteYou figure it out. You're smart enough.
DeleteMedusa---you wanted to make me inferior to you and you can clearly see I am not. That freaks you out. The larger picture is that no one is inferior to anyone. That is a societal construct based on bullshit.
DeleteTrue wisdom and maturity( which I don't have but am trying to work toward) is when everyone matters because everyone has value. You matter, not with respect to me,or to ANYONE, but because you have inherent value. Nothing needs to be added or subtracted.
That is true humility and the only thing that will bring happiness imo
Monica,
DeleteWhat is this larger picture?
which I don't have but am trying to work toward
DeleteWith this, you nullify the value of your entire statement. But at least it is honest.
Medusa
DeleteNo man ever reaches that! THAT THINKING IS THE CRUX OF YOUR PROBLEM
The larger picture is that everyone has inherent value. Societal bullshit( which most people buy) divides people up into worthy and not worthy, but it is a lie.
DeleteFrom where do you draw this moral stance, Monica?
DeleteThe Bible
DeleteNo man ever reaches that!
DeleteThen how is it that you are trying to convince me that you have, despite your paranthetical disclaimer?
I see. I thought I had gathered you were a christian. I only wanted to confirm. You do realize that there are logical arguments for and against God's existence, right?
Delete( which most people buy)
DeleteLiterally.
Medusa
DeleteYou are making my point about you by your harping on my saying I am "working" toward that ideal of maturity. My point to you is that you are polarized on the continuum of inferiority/ superiority. You ebb and flow on it: superior one day, inferior the next.
I am trying to smash the paradigm. You want to squish me back in it by saying I am not DOING it perfectly.
Yes, Tom but they don't matter to me lol
DeleteIs that the tolerance you have grown to expect from other's about your views?
DeleteSquish squish,
DeleteDead fish.
I am not sure what you mean, Tom. I am secure in my beliefs. It is the part of me I love and would not want to change. I do not have to defend it, in a defensive manner. I am peaceful about it. I have friends of all persuasions---gay, all races, religions etc
DeleteI see people, not the divisions between them.
I am secure in my beliefs.
DeleteI am peaceful about it.
Congratulations! You have won the Cognitive Dissonance award of the day. You're going to DisneyWorld!
How is that Cognitive Dissonance? You are as bad as Kany with her view of Maslow's hierachy with Ukan at the top ~
Delete"Yes, Tom but they don't matter to me lol"
DeleteThat seemed a bit flippant to me. As if all other views were of no concern. If that is not the case, then cool. I can't stand closed minded people. With that, there is equally a chance that there is no purpose to this life other than survival. If that is accepted to be your view, as is mine, then people can be inferior on all kinds of levels. I need to survive. You have something I need. You are weaker than me physically and can not with stand my onslaught to take your stuff. You are inferior. Would you accept that logic, if there were no God?
Nevermind Monica, I see that you're already there.
DeleteOr, here.
DeleteIf a person does not believe in God, he is his own god and hence can make his own rules, such as you say. Yes.
DeleteSo then by transitive property, you are an atheist?
DeleteMedusa
DeleteYou could twist anything. That is part of the Mal Narc thing, too. The person twists the truth so much that is becomes an Alice in Wonderland reality.
Then, the Mal Narc makes out like she WON, but she won nothing other than confuse everyone to death so they give up. On that note, Adios.
Then not just in theory but in actuality, Monica, individuals can be and are inferior and superior to each other. It is societies push to make everyone equal that is the illusion. Life is about survival. Whether you see that survival as self or species doesn't matter. If you are less productive to the survivability of the subject than another you are then inferior. If you have an even greater survivable skill to contribute then you are superior. It was your statement that society had made us believe in the concept of inferior and superior individuals that didn't sit right with me. Natural selection would argue different.
DeleteI already told you that it was not a competition.
DeleteYes, Tom, in the natural, you may be right. I am talking about the spiritual.
DeleteMy father has this personal philosophy that he holds:
DeleteWe are here merely to survive, which means food and shelter and whatnot: the very basics that keep us alive. Anything below this is Hell, and everything above is Heaven.
You have to speak on common ground in forums such as this, Monica. Spirituality has little place on a site dedicated to Sociopathy and PDs. Are you cool enough with me to tell me you rage range? Or did I miss it, Monica?
Delete+10,000 for the typo
DeleteI told you, Tom. I have a son who is graduating from college, this week.
DeleteTom, you would be surprised just how spiritual this place is.
"rage range"
DeleteUmmmm Claw hammer~
Regarding the issue of Natural vs Spiritual, my mother posted this last night, below a photo I took from the airplane on the way home:
DeleteIt is views like this that make me want to tearfully fall to my knees in awe of the beauty, breadth, power, diversity and glory of Nature.
OK. You're a mature woman that society would classify as middle-age. I had asked this much earlier as it helps me with understanding your situation going on with your parents. Thank you for the insight.
DeleteI am sure there is a lot of "spirituality" going on around here. I imagine this place invites wayward souls looking for answers who have already gone through the advice of a shaman, priestess, or Father only to turn to yet another sub culture. Now the likes of television weirdos (House, Dexter, and even Monk) have shown the lost children that being "different/special" is the most special special there might be. So they come in droves. The 19 to 2? year old trying to find an identity. But that's not you. You suffered through abusive relationships at the hands of PD relatives. Your spirituality is very different.
How?
DeleteYou tell me. You are not a young lost soul. Their's is a spirituality of innocent mistakes of personal drowning. Where does yours come form? After all you have been through and seen, it gets better, it gets worse, whether you pray a lot or only a little; life still ebbs and flows. Where does your spirituality come from?
DeleteTotal desperation
DeleteLet go, Let God type thing?
DeleteTOM! NO! SHE"S NOT WORTH THE ENERGY!
Delete(urges)
Radio Gaga.
DeleteLet Go, Let God nuclear
DeleteShut up, Plantars Wart
DeleteWho are you Anon 6:58? I want to know, Shugg.
DeleteI see. Then maybe your spiritual embodiment may not be much different than the desperate shouting attempts of children half your age; the forces that lead you there are all that separates you.
DeleteI meant no insult with that. I merely didn't see the stark similarities.
DeleteYes, everyone's search is the same, Tom. I am glad you are here. I like you :D
DeleteMay I ask a favor of you Monica?
DeleteDon't bother with this dumb cunt, tom. She got fingerbanged by her mum supposedly and now she sits here daily banging her head against the wall crying about her mums behaviour ajd personality. She's disgusting and pathetic.
DeleteThat's raw. Would you rather see her go then?
DeleteFact of the day: Clowns used to be called jesters, once upon a time.
DeleteKany, I don't know your deal after your stupid comment about babies and masturbation yesterday. Do you believe that or were you just trying to get a rise out of me?
DeleteI'm serious. In the 50s and 60s it wasn't taboo to do something like that to a child. I'm surprised you call it molestation. A mother has access to her child's reproductive organs at many many points in their infancy, and at that point they aren't necessarily private. I personally disapprove, but its more socially looked down upon now. It wasn't necessarily a form of arousal or sexual deviance for a mother to be that way. Is that why you say your mother molested you?
Truthfully, I'd like to see her hang herself. However her leaving would be fine. She's annoying and weak.
DeleteOther than her offing herself, how might we get her to leave?
DeleteTake care, Mr. John Wayne, your book as already been written, except for the last page.
DeleteShe wont. She just makes another name and comes back to hustle more sympathy and abuse. Since she's always here I just do my best to keep her feeling worthless and ashamed.
Deletesrm-Kany, where are you finding this data. I can't find anything that would suggest the practice of parents jacking-off their children was even close to acceptable practice.
DeleteUKan,
DeleteIf we keep her feeling useless and a shame she will keep coming looking for sympathy, provided you are correct about her seeking said compensation. If she can learn to see she is OK in her fuckedupness just as we all are she may decide to find a higher place of learning than SW. She will then leave you alone.
That's what I was just telling her. Who the fuck does that kind of shite besides Uncle Fiddles.
DeleteHe needs her, just as he needs his mother.
DeleteI'm wearing thin on my patience. I'm beginning to see her world is merely fabricated from fragments of what she can see. Is that what schizophrenia is like? I've always wondered the makeup.
DeleteYour wrong Tom. People here have honestly tried for over a year to help her. Not me, but others. In all honesty, she would stick to this place even more if this became her anchor for self esteem and mental health. Personally I'd rather just keep chipping away at what little of those attributes she has left rather than help her at all. She doesn't deserve help. Like I said she's worthless. Her mother knew it and treated her accordinglym
DeleteLol. Honestly, my sources are questionable, I suppose. But I had a teacher who was very into studying the taboos and practices of that era, and had a lot of weird sexual facts like that... like the vibrator story and how it used to be a clinical cure for histeria in women.
DeleteAre you ok over there medusa, because the last three comments you've made make no sense at all. John wayne? Needing mothers? What is this bollocks?
DeleteI had an elementary school teacher who once told the class that in some emergencies, when a person is choking, you have to use a pencil to stab a stoma into the throat.
DeleteHe also once made me hide under the desk because I was crying.
srM-Kany,
DeleteI hadn't heard anything like what you were saying but the probability seemed to be possible just on the fact of its abstract nature, that's why I asked.
UKan,
You maybe right. I am new to this forum. But part of my own narcissism is the belief I can save the world (at times, anyway).
If you haven't gone insane I'll guess that was to me and say it was a college professor.
Delete5th grade, Mr. Gary Wilson.
DeleteTry destroying it. Saving the world is dull work.
DeleteSo you've gone insane, than?
DeleteI will note that. Either or, right, UKan?
DeleteDid Medusa leave her computer signed in or something, because we have questions for any would be roommates.
DeleteWell, you can be the hero or the villain. Otherwise you're no one.
DeleteSure.
DeleteI had notions of saving the world before. You seem a little old to be playing that game. Is it youthful delusions or did it become a consistent life habit?
For the longest time I thought I was a narcissist. It turns out I just do whatever I want. I think narcissists are okay with having either aim, be it destruction or saving the world. A narcissist whose vanity I would always eavesdrop used to brag about being anarchist, and he was a rental cop. I mean what the fuck? Anyway, I guess you can be a hero or villain, in your mind. I was beginning to think you are a jesus freak tom, then I read some more. You are just a freak, to think you can help that monica.
Delete
DeleteWell, you can be the hero or the villain. Otherwise you're no one.
Agreed
DeleteI was beginning to think you are a jesus freak tom, then I read some more. You are just a freak, to think you can help that monica.
No you are the freak you rambling fucking muppet. Your original thought was right. Only a narcissist would come crashing into a conversation and try to make it about themselves.
Everyone look at me!
DeleteWhere did crazy Medusa go?
So why the fuck is it limited to the narcissistic to do all that? I am not drawing the conclusion, my shrink did that for me, but I will be a narcissist if I can do all that too.
DeleteUKan is an idiot--SW's prototypical low functioning sociopath. I could care less what he thinks about me or says about me. Ever hear the phrase "Consider the source ~
DeleteYou know that "low functioning sociopath" doesn't actually mean anything to anyone but you, right?
DeleteThose 'feelings' are not ignored. I would venture to say sociopaths are receptive to feelings but tease prey for making a scene. The sociopath teases and taunts in a way in which the soiciopath convinces prey it is irrational and the prey acquiesces to exploitation to relieve dissonance. I am not singular, I am plural.
ReplyDeleteVery good changed :)
DeleteThank you Anonymous.
DeleteI just watched the video linked in today's post. It was very informative as to what is going on behind problems with impulse control.
ReplyDeletehyperfocus sin't that an aspie thing2?
ReplyDeleteToday has been weird. I haven't felt the undercurrent of contempt for humanity I usually feel. Has the world gotten less annoying lately? I feel no disturbance in the force.
ReplyDeleteTheme Song for Medusa
ReplyDeleteTheme Song for Medusa
DeleteOh for fuck's sake, just learn to make a hyperlink, Themes.
Deletelol
DeleteThe Malignant Narc
ReplyDeleteThere is a spectrum of Narcissism, as there is a spectrum for most( if not all) traits.
The Malignant Narc is the King of the Narcs as he typifies the Narc traits and in bold relief. The difference between the Mal Narc and the sociopath( and perhaps a diagnostic difference) is that the Mal Narc can have empathy. However( and this is very key), the Mal Narc can only have empathy when he feels superior.
A Mal Narc lives and breathes on balancing the scales of superiority/ inferiority. His emotional life is honed down to this simple dynamic. All interactions aim to put people as above or below. He can only feel good when people are below. In these cases, he can have empathy.
However, if the person below endeavors to get above, the Mal Narc will feel justified to use any measures to get the person, back below.
This is where cruelty comes in( and no remorse for it)
The absolute worse thing you can do to a Mal Narc is show him his face. This is tantamount to cutting off his head. This affront makes him/her melt like the Wicked Witch of the West, into a puddle.
For the child of a Mal Narc, the only safe place was an amorphous identity. Hence, the child grows up afraid to have the solid identity which would have gotten him banished to the nethers. He is locked in as Pavlov's dog, forever salivating at someone's anger, forever afraid that he will shine and loose his head, as well.
What happened with your father, Piles?
ReplyDeleteNothing yet, I meet him today in a few minutes. I'm chillin' at some random cafe using horrible internet service waiting. Why, am I supposed to come back and share all of the "evil" that I'm sure is about to commence?
DeletePiles
I was just trying to show you that you were not forgotten. Don't be so cynical~
DeleteWhere's the background to this? Linky link.
DeleteBackground to what, my dad drama?
DeleteIf this is what you meant he came back into my life after being gone for decades and asked if I could join him in his business. I had a meeting with him today because I didn't give him an answer the first time he came around.
PeeBee
Yeah, that's enough info, thank you.
DeleteTrying to show me I wasn't forgotten...
ReplyDelete"Anon", just so you know, all of my commentary is about me wanting to say it. It has nothing to do with whether or not others wanted to hear it. I'm not concerned about being forgotten, capeach :D!
Pizzles
I will remember that. You can't show an ounce of vulnerability. Oops, I forgot ~ :D
DeleteXD!
ReplyDeletePee Eye El Ee Ess
I am gonna put this out there because I really struggle with it. I feel self destructive, a lot. I don't do anything, as I talk myself out of it and I know it is irrational, but I have to fight these urges all the time.
ReplyDeleteSomehow, I don't want to see what is under it. It feels more comforting not to see. I don't really know what is under it. I can't grasp it like I could with realizing that rage was under depression.
Once I let out some of my inner rage( Ms Claw hammer)I have not been depressed the way I was. Now, it turned into anxiety.
However, does anyone know what is under wanting to punish oneself?
shame, thinking you are a piece of useless lump, feeling you are failure, seeing you are your own worst enemy, thinking it is your own fault you cannot be someone like eden who has a (seemingly from my point of view, but then again maybe you just compare too much because youre an idiot) worse background, and you take 2 steps ahead and fall back 5 and think there is no one else to lame but yourself because you are the constant here. Sorry Monica but you need to here this!
Delete????
Delete!!!!
DeleteSuicidal thoughts or severe depression are anger with the world turned inward. Its an inherent frustration with discoveries you've made about the harshness of the world, so you become saddened with yourself for not being harsh enough to function in it... its a refusal to release your preconceptions.
DeleteWow
DeleteKany, you saved yourself from the dumb baby/masturbation comment with that one ~
That may be the single most brilliant comment anyone ever said to me. That is so very true. How did you come up with that?
Magic. So was the only time your mother molested you before you could speak? Did it make you angry that she stopped? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I'm asking genuinely. Did you feel anything positive at the time the incidents occurred?
DeleteWhat a question???
DeleteShe did not stop, as it became ambient, verbal sexual abuse BUT I was always afraid she would act on it and I would lose my mind, for real, this time.
You're doing very good Monica. I was just checking if everyone was alright with my expensive new phone while driving in my Mercedes Benz S.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm about to arrive at my five stars hotel, hmphh!
Thank you, David. Don't drink too much ^^^
DeleteTheme for Tom Hill
ReplyDeleteOfficial Themes Post
ReplyDelete