I think the best way to handle a sociopath is to treat it like a cold war. You never want there to be open hostilities, always want there to be plausible deniability. The threat that the sociopath imagines in his mind will be worse than any actual threat you could pose to him, so insinuate and never be explicit about your capabilities. You might want to try to draw him out into making incriminating statements. Don't do anything with those statements, just let him know that you have and keep all of his communications with you. Don't let him know that until you have stuff from him that he would worry getting out. That is about the best you can do -- fish for information, then remind him you have this information.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Managing a sociopath: cold war analogy
I think the best way to handle a sociopath is to treat it like a cold war. You never want there to be open hostilities, always want there to be plausible deniability. The threat that the sociopath imagines in his mind will be worse than any actual threat you could pose to him, so insinuate and never be explicit about your capabilities. You might want to try to draw him out into making incriminating statements. Don't do anything with those statements, just let him know that you have and keep all of his communications with you. Don't let him know that until you have stuff from him that he would worry getting out. That is about the best you can do -- fish for information, then remind him you have this information.
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Do all of this, or risk Mutually Assured Destruction.
ReplyDeleteCrap. Not first. :)
ReplyDeleteThis post proffers some very good advice. By using a sociopath's own thinking patterns against him, you may succeed in impressing him. It is by mirroring him that you will intimidate him.
ReplyDelete... Or at least repel him. :)
DeleteI was thinking more of the lines of a sociopath vs sociopath mind game. I've been wondering if an empath could play the game as well though; personally I think they would have a severe disadvantage.
DeleteHow is it by impressing them?
DeleteYeah. Empaths are at a disadvantage because a sociopath very naturally thinks in this manner; it is the way his mind operates. Do empaths gather and store information about others this intuitively? And if so, are they compelled or even inclined to use it strategically?
DeleteI do not think so.
Knowledge is power. How delicious it is to wield with subtlety, precision and dreadful weight. :)
I just meant that empaths might be disadvantaged because they may act irrationally when they get overly emotional, and accidental let something out. Then it ends up in a battle, which as you say below, an empath will lose. If they are calm about it, I do see how it could foster mutual admiration/respect.
DeleteI like that your mind draws flattery from that strategy. Its cute to me that everyone in your world is trying to impress you.
DeleteIt is pretty easy to figure out someone's emotional triggers. If a sociopath with a specific agenda in mind is an adept manipulator, you will not even know that your buttons are being pushed- let alone why - until it is too late.
DeleteOh alter. :-)
Deletea person can only hope to intimidate someone he can impress or scare. A sociopath is impressed by his own manner of strategizing. If it is mirrored back at him, he may back down.
DeleteDo empaths gather and store information about others this intuitively?
DeleteBefore I came here, the term "empath" implied not just someone with empathy, but someone with super-empathy. Sometimes equated with an HSP and sometimes someone with psychical and/or clairvoyant abilities.
Usually used in quasi-new age or armchair psychology settings.
"Do empaths gather and store information about others this intuitively?"
DeleteYup. I do. I think you're underestimating empaths, Alter.
And why are you here little empath? Do you want to be more like a sociopath?
Delete
DeleteThis post proffers some very good advice. By using a sociopath's own thinking patterns against him, you may succeed in impressing him. It is by mirroring him that you will intimidate him.
You won't impress them. You will make them paranoid. There's nothing worse than being the source of a psychopaths paranoia. You minds well just paint a big target on your temple so that you can make sure when they do blow your head off you won't suffer.
You open up the paper you can find psychopaths killing off their spouses just to get their money or because they wanted to get in another relationship but didn't want to go through the divorce process. These are white collar psychopaths doing this sort of shite not some criminals.
I can tell you that the worse scenario for a psychopath is exposure. It's worse than death. If you threaten them with exposure be prepared to be locked in a life or death struggle, because murdering you will be at the forefront of their mind and they have no stopping mechanism telling them that they might get in trouble for doing it.
"and they have no stopping mechanism telling them that they might get in trouble for doing it."
DeleteAre you an idiot? No one believes that.
ha ha ha Eden
DeleteNo you are the idiot. It's a defining trait for sociopaths. Poor impulse control. They've done numerous clinical tests that show that sociopaths will ignore consequences. Example:
DeleteRead, and shut the fuck up next time if you don't know what you are talking about
double ha ha Eden
DeleteThat's not eden.
DeletePeople on here think that sociopaths sit there weighing everything out like some human computer calculating all the moves and making sure they weigh out risk vs reward. In reality, they have no superpowers. Psychopaths see what they want and they immediately are obsessed with getting it. The reason they are more successful at getting what they want is because they want it more than anyone else and no matter what is in front of it they will find a way. Desire is very powerful.
Caesar, I think your depression is increasing your delusions. You may be on the brink of a manic episode and I advise that you seek help, NOW.
DeleteCaesar is one of our SW Regulars who has Multiple PD. It is easy to get angry at her, but it is sad, too.
DeleteAre you in the grip of a manic episode right now Johnny boy?
DeleteYou're losing it, monica. Eden really got you crazy.
DeleteExtremity, what anons were you on here?
DeleteThe anon who made the baseball bat comment under UKan's comment, that's all.
Deleteyou must make the other feel as if they have won battle.
DeleteWhen you want to withdraw you must make them feel it is for a reason they did not comply to a request. 'everytime they do not comply tick it off and let them know it bothered you. Do not give ultimatum. It is your back pocket excuse for dumping them unceremoniously for all the other reasons you cannot say because you are fucking hypocrite and a coward lol
and they have no stopping mechanism
DeleteO_o
Double-take.
I can imagine this brig effective. I know my husband has a natural ability to always take things too far, so his oneupmanship is astounding. If you start that battle you are sure to lose. But if you just allude to weapons in your arsenal without firing, you're creating a sort of mutual respect level, if you will. Seems reasonable in theory.
ReplyDeleteI think the best way to handle being a sociopath is to treat it like having a cold sore. You never want there to be open visibility, but always know there will not be any possible humility.
ReplyDeleteIt's all about power and, more simply, control. If you're going to have any sort of relationship with a sociopath, you need to have some portion of power. You either need to have the power to negatively affect their life, or a sufficiently positive effect. And it needs to be something the sociopath truly cares about.
ReplyDeleteFor example, the negative potential: maybe you're a sociopath's supervisor. You could fire them, of course, but for many sociopaths that's not a sufficiently damaging scenario. But what if you have the power to separate them from their coworkers, and therefore lessen the sociopath's hold over them? Ah, now that would be something worth avoiding!
Or reward: Perhaps a sociopath finds your conversation arresting. You can use the potential of reward (continued dialogue) to discourage any mind-fucking on the part of the sociopath. "We've got something good here, don't we? No need to mess with it, yes?" Appease them, remind them why you're useful and good.
The Cold War analogy really is perfect: you don't want overt warfare, because that promises mutual destruction. You can't NOT fight, because the pacifist side loses. You must simply maintain a hint of danger, and remain vigilant of any heightening of firepower (damaging personal information, emotional weakness, beloved personal belongings).
I think you need this same power/reward in a relationship with a Narcissist. Maybe, you do to keep a relationship with anyone lol
DeleteThe issue with this strategy; it’s a bluff. If the person with ASPD decides to go all in you have to be ready to do the same. Most are not ready.
ReplyDeleteP-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
DeleteDon't have any pity for cruel people, they won't have any for you. Become more cruel, become colder and that's how you destroy someone.
DeleteTrue or just get them to leave you alone, anyway.
DeleteTheme For UKan
ReplyDeleteTheme for UKan
DeleteSong For Monica
Deletehahaha
DeleteLOL Good one James
DeleteThat's terrible, but it made me laugh.
DeleteThis kid can do black humor ~
DeleteWe like to recognize those who make outstanding contributions to the welfare of others through incisive psychological analysis. We must recognize Kany, once again, for her comment about the harshness of the world and a person's inability to function in it, as being a root for depression.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kany--a second time recipient @@@@
cold war analogy is verry true for me but that is perhaps only for primairy psychopaths?
ReplyDeleteit takes a lot of patience and endurance
I believe M.E's strategy is good, I would advice s twin strategy.Use this and at the same time,make yourself unattractive.Do stuff that annoys him.Stop shaving intime areas,stop showering,stop flushing, talk repeatingly about the same things, be boring. It works;) (it worked for me) and he almost did'nt plague me when I left.
ReplyDeleteHow did this work if he "almost didn't" plague you when you left?
DeleteOh,almost forgot: cuddle with him all the time in public placed,follow after him and text him.Be a mess.Say you love him all the time and kiss him with bad breath and suddenly sneeze in his mouth.Giggle loudly.He will hate you:)
DeleteI think I see your humor now.
Deletehaha it actually is a good advice.If I had no more options left I would follow it.There are soooo many tricks in the book.Eat the largest meal at mc Donalds every day aso.
DeleteTom: from what I've heard, he treated me mild. Previous gf he tried to strangle....
ReplyDeleteA PD is just an exaggeration of a normal part of human behavior. It is exaggerated and frozen. Hence, other parts are diminished.
ReplyDeleteWith a PD, you have a bloated person, an overly muscle bound person or an extremely thin person ( to put it in pictorial form)
Each PD has some parts of the human personality which are muscle bound and others that are 98 pound weaklings.
If the person could move freely between parts of his personality, it would not be a PD. The rigid nature is what makes it a PD.
Hence, a PD is a frozen and exaggerated part of the normal human spectrum of personality.
Go a-way.
DeleteI will list the PDs and show the exaggeration from the norm
DeleteCo-dependency
Everyone wants to be loved but Co-dependents give up their whole/partial identity to be loved
Histrionic--Everyone wants attention, but HPDs have little/no identity without it
BPD--Everyone is afraid of being abandoned and alone, but BPDs do not have enough personal sense of identity to buffer this feeling. Hence, they live in it.
ASPD--everyone has a selfish, egocentric and badass part to himself. ASPD has this part exaggerated. The vulnerable part is decreased, as a result of the over muscular build up of the former.
Schizoid--Everyone is a little weird. Schizoid thinks he is the only one. He is stuck thinking he is different than others. Actually, everyone is a weird-o. Some people just accept their weird slices.
Narcissists want to be important and special, as we all do. They do it by erecting a false self who is uber special, rather than finding the true uniqueness of the real self.
Mal Narcs have to be the best of anyone, anytime and anyplace. Hence, people are put above or below. They can welcome the ones below but must tear down all the ones above in order to feel they have a sense of self.
We all compare ourselves to others. It is normal to do so, but not let it define and rule one's own life.
I think that's a foolish strategy. Sitting around with information about someone with some veiled threat of using it is like pulling out a gun without any intention of firing. Unless you have a weak sociopath they will come down on you with everything they have to eliminate you. You might end up buried somewhere, because at the end of the day they won't hesitate to get rid of someone that would expose them.
ReplyDeleteYou have a person who doesn't care about consequences and has no conscience. If you are not willing to be extreme then you have no business playing games with someone who is an absolute extremist.
I'll tell you that personally when I'm locked in with someone or another group that's a threat I'm at an extreme level of paranoia. I will project myself on them and think that they are making cunning moves when they might be doing business as usual. Everything they do is taken by me as another move to take me down. When I'm in that state I will keep taking things to the next level on imagined slights and imagined attacks that they haven't even made until they are baffled why I used such extreme methods when they were only just getting their feet wet. Everyday I will see red and I will obsess on that enemy until they are gone or until they submit.
UKan, you, usually, rip me a new one(s) but I have to say the truth when I see it. That is great advice!
DeleteI appreciate your point of view, UKan.
DeleteI didn't give advice. I gave you the outcome.
DeleteMy advice to stopping a psychopath is to just eliminate them. If you are in a relationship with one you have to completely cut contact. If you are in a workplace with them you have to get them fired. If you are at war with them you have to kill them. Anything you do against a psychopath must have finality or they will come down on you and it will be extreme and final. Most people who are involved with a psychopath in any way are not strong enough for it, because psychopaths surround themselves with people who will not win against them. Psychopaths are not the strongest people out there they are just good at picking who to surround themselves with and have no issues taking things to extreme levels others would not be comfortable with.
because psychopaths surround themselves with people who will not win against them.
DeleteExactly, you see those people asking if they should take a psychopath's head and stomp on it and beat it with a baseball bat, but the truth is, they wouldn't have gotten targetted in the first place if they had the courage to do that.
Agreed. I never target stronger people. If I have to defend myself against them I rally up enough support that the outcome is final.
DeleteI'll tell you that personally when I'm locked in with someone or another group that's a threat I'm at an extreme level of paranoia. I will project myself on them and think that they are making cunning moves when they might be doing business as usual. Everything they do is taken by me as another move to take me down.
DeleteDefinitely thought I was the only one that did this. I give adversaries a lot of undue credit once we've engaged.
Yeah, and you don't find out till they are begging for mercy that you imagined it all. I've even hit people that I imagined as an enemy who had no intention of doing something to me just because they were capable of hitting me at the time in a spot that I would have hit myself.
DeleteI start mapping out all the actions I would take in their position, who I'd talk to, what I'd tell them to burn me down. Suddenly they go from a blip on the radar to knowing just where to strike to maximize damage, knowing everything I know. Innocuous gestures and words become part of some greater plot. I have periodic moments of clarity where I am reminded that I'm imagining all of it, but then a more paranoid voice says "Well, that's what you'd want them to think, isn't it?"
DeleteIt sounds like you are losing your balance and your grasp on reality, to some extent. Is that the case?
DeleteYou could say that, but it's situational, not pervasive. Paranoia isn't based in reality by definition.
DeleteIf being paranoid pays off even once, you stop being paranoid and start being right.~
DeleteOnce impulse takes control there is no grasp of reality or balance until it's over and your looking down at what you've done wondering what the next move is to get away with it.
DeleteUKan, that was my point. That loss of control must be a scary thing ( at least when it is over~ )
DeleteBut you're presuming they're already an enemy. Look at your body guard, or anyone you consider as being worthy of speaking to. They have a degree of information on you, yet none of them would use it. I think this strategy doesn't work in battle with a sociopath, but in general with knowing one I find it effective... embattling a sociopath I find to generally unwise and I'll advised... period.
DeleteI went back and forth with responding to this post, because I know how destructive a sociopath is. But considering everyone you know or associate with, I agree with it to the degree that it isn't about winning.
A friend seems like he can become an enemy, very fast like if he insults you, as a joke, even.
DeleteYeah.
DeleteDuring though you can't think. It all makes perfect sense. You feel almost vindicated like people are after you for no reason except envy and you have this spite that is so powerful you can't see anything else or pay attention to anything else. In my mind they want to take what I deserve. What I have earned. My wife will look at me and joke. "Focused face" because I will be staring blankly while my mind obsesses and anything she says will go right passed me.
If it's an impulsive action I won't even think. I get flooded with an emotion so powerful and passionate that what my body does next almost feels like it's controlling itself and the words just come off my tongue that are convincing or cutting, or my adrenaline fires up and I get extremely violent. If there's a weapon handy or anything loose I might grab it and use it. The violence feels good like I was filling up with pressure that is painful and the violence releases all the pressure. My wife and friends say they can see when it's about to happen. I don't know what I look like, but they've figured it out.
After I usually laugh it off, but sometimes to myself I am in disbelief. After a day or two I can look back rationally and see that I went too far, but sometimes I won't give the situation even that kind of justice. I'll come up with a justification for what I did and spin it to the people around me.
I found smoking weed helps when Im heading towards a boiling point. Something about it takes me all the way back down to reality and a lot of times I've come up with solutions that were rational or stopped myself from doing something extreme when it wasn't neccessary. The thing is though you can't walk around stoned all the time, and you can't pull out weed when everything is happening so fast.
All of that ^
DeleteExactly.
Delete
DeleteBut you're presuming they're already an enemy. Look at your body guard, or anyone you consider as being worthy of speaking to.
Yeah but he's never had some thinly veiled threat to use it. This is the statement right here that differs that:
You might want to try to draw him out into making incriminating statements. Don't do anything with those statements, just let him know that you have and keep all of his communications with you. Don't let him know that until you have stuff from him that he would worry getting out. That is about the best you can do -- fish for information, then remind him you have this information.
He would never do something like that. He's a killer and he's all about his reputation. This kind of shite makes you look like an informant ready to drop your business to the police if you get out of line. He has information about me because I know that he would never use it against me in that way. I would worry about him setting me up to get robbed or killing me, but never informing on me. That's I don't give him too much information. He could deal a blow to my business, but he could never cripple it.
I was thinking I should reread the post, but I can never get through them a second time. I concede. Like I said, I went back and forth s to the advise ability.
DeleteYour bodyguard sounds like Mike Ehrmantraut.
DeleteWhose last name, by my translation, means "familiar and honorable man".
DeleteI'd have to see the show. I don't think they have it here.
DeleteMy favorite character by far. Who is still alive, that is. Along with the lawyer.
DeleteThe thing is though you can't walk around stoned all the time, and you can't pull out weed when everything is happening so fast.
DeleteMy mental image of you just gets better and better. Approaching fully formed, now.
Personally, I find that applying the Diamond Rule here would make a lot of sense. If you have the information, you should not use it unless you smell a move against you. Then you hit back harder than they can and crush them before they crush you. Again, I'm thinking more in terms of what would happen between two sociopaths, rather than an empath vs a sociopath.
DeleteI haven't found a successful way of calming down yet. The weed thing didn't work out too well lat time I attempted.
DeletePizzle, did you post about your dad? Can I recommend the forum?
DeleteYeah, you can do the forum thing, unless you already did, but there isn't much to talk about. I just got in.
DeleteUKan. Absolutely.
ReplyDeletePostmodern Sociopath, you are definitely not alone.
Hey Monica, wanna know something else? She's the one who told me that I should read The Drama of the Gifted Child. In the beginning years of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteWell, that book can be read but not understood on an emotional level. To understand it on an emotional level is very hard imo
DeleteIn retrospect, I'm pretty sure she had me read it because she's the one that needed it.
DeleteEveryone who had a Narcissist for a parent needs it. I could not understand it, emotionally, until very recently. It talks about the child being an object to the mother. The object can never have a separate identity, as the object is there to serve the parent. The object/child will be humiliated, punished etc if he ever tries to separate.
DeleteThis happened to me. Then, my mother laughed at me for being dependent ~
This is what happened to her.
DeleteMy father likes to joke that he is considered a Great Man in Russia. He had many business trips over there during the Cold War.
ReplyDeleteAll of his jokes are based on truth.
All of the funny ones are.
Deletemore random facts?
There is a geological formation common in Antarctica called a nunatak. It's basically a mountain, of which only the very tip sticks up above the ice and snow.
DeleteOne of them is named after my father.
Medusa, did you break down?
DeleteNot sure what you mean.
DeleteVery cool, about your father.
DeleteYou've just sort of been other worldly, of late.
DeleteKinda random, a bit spacey. Just curious, I suppose.
(From Kany)
ReplyDeleteThe thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on trying to be perfect and beginning the work to become yourself. I keep trying to convey that to Monica.
I just saw this in the Forum. This makes me want to cry and to give up, at the same time. The walk up seems like climbing the Great Wall of China.
Inside me, are the layers of pain, all compressed. Each one raw as a live nerve.All the uncried tears are in a giant lump like a tumor. I want to run before I start, but I can't run because my stomach hurts all the time.
The pain is destroying me, eating my stomach, as it holds it.
Face it. Then all the pain will come out at once. But you won't feel it again afterwards.
DeleteGoing to "randomly" interject whatever is going on to talk about me again.
DeleteIs a bridal shower the same as a bachelorette party?
You know what this Christian counselor said to me? She had never heard of a childhood as bad as mine except for a person who was locked in a box.
DeleteI know mine was not the worst,on here, but I will tell you about it, as I need to and am happy I have a place that I can.
I described the abuse a long time ago. I repressed it and then it came up as a memory, a film that played in my head. I was about 4-5. I couldn't talk, or have words for it. All I kept saying was "I want to die. I want to die"
DeleteWhenever my mother did things to me, I would say,'I want to die"
I told what she did to me. Is it necessary to say it again? I mean, when people laugh, it is not easy.
DeleteI will be back, tomorrow Kany
DeleteFace it. Then all the pain will come out at once. But you won't feel it again afterwards.
DeleteIt happened to me, with a primal scream.
Is a bridal shower the same as a bachelorette party?
DeleteFor such a bull dyke, you sure don't know much about women, do you.
If it still hurts, you didn't tell the right part. You're hiding the hard parts.
DeleteVery similar, but more girl talk. The stripper is depending on the bride. Usually its a sort of celebratory vacation full of pampering, manicures, bollocks.
DeleteWe made scrapbook pages for my wedding and I had people sign the pages instead of a guestbook. That way we can look at their wishes.
I love having all the different styles in our album. They all worked out so perfectly with ourpictures, it was really great.
DeleteOh nevermmind, my apologies PB. I had thought you said "baby shower".
DeleteI have a lifetime of parts, Kany.
DeleteThe one I repressed was this.
My mother put me on the floor, at her ankles. she masturbated in front of me. She was on the floor with her legs spread. I was at the bottom.
That was not the worst part. The worst part was that she was smirking at me and putting her finger in and out and smirking at me, like defiant.
I didn't know what it was except that I wanted to die. All I could say to keep myself from not going insane, was that I want to die. I want to die. I kept repeating it and repeating it.
That is all I remember of an actual molestation. After that, it was emotional and sexual abuse, but verbal.
That's the moment you died, Monica.
DeleteBeing a bull dyke means you like fucking women, doesn't mean I have to know all about the stupid pointless girly things they do, I still attract them even when clueless. I did see your never mind comment. I do know what a baby shower is, unfortunately. I have godchildren.
DeleteKany, that sounds atrocious. I can't believe I am even a major part of this, not looking forward to it. The most horrific part is that I am going to have to wear a silk turquoise dress, a DRESS! Im going to look like a tranny with linebacker shoulders.
I guess the main reason I asked this is because I want to know if I have to spend money on gifts, which one do I have to bring gifts to? This happens to be the really good friend that I got cat shit for on christmas because she took my gift from me. I know nothing of proper gifts for special sentimental occasions. I know her personally, but I don't know if she needs lingerie (god no, her figure) or a toaster.
DeleteHow did you react, monica.? What did you feel then?
DeleteI was Maid of Honor for my first best friend, who got married at Rosecliff. Or rather, I was Zombie of Honor.
DeleteThat might have been the last time I saw her; but I'm not sure. It's the last time I remember, anyway.
I think I pissed off a lot of people, especially the girl who really wanted to be her best friend.
Go for something for a house. A toaster, a blender, kitchen knives, glasses, gift certificates, pots, pans, etc. Get something from her registry. A nice vase. Etc. Thrift stores make great gift shops for glassware and vases.
DeleteThis memory is isolated. If there were other times, they are still repressed. Once, I could talk, I only remember horrible emotional moments but I knew what she was capable of and this made me afraid she would make a sexual move on me as a child and a teen. Then, I think I would have gone insane.
DeleteI had a ton of phobias, starting very young, in Kindergarten and staying until now.
Delete"I think I pissed off a lot of people, especially the girl who really wanted to be her best friend."
DeleteGood.
I want to wear boots with the dress.....I wonder if she'll let me wear boots.
For christmas this friend bought me shower curtains with blood stains handprints smeared all over it. I forgot I actually used them for my bathroom (because well, why not, I wouldn't have to buy any) and I had a first time guest over who was not aware of my somewhat darker tastes. She went into the bathroom, and shut the door and I heard her scream. I was in the living room, thought to get up, but didn't, then looked in the direction to see if she would come running out. Instead, she came out calmly with this look on her face, and said "really, the shower curtains".
I blinked, realized, then smiled and told her "It was a gift, I swear."
Um yeah, never saw her again after that...
Got it Missus, thanks!
DeleteShe texted me yesterday, and asked if I was going to be that douche who brings the sex doll. Now that I know what to buy, I guess I won't be :P
We will talk more, tomorrow, Kany, if you are still up for it. Thank you.
DeleteI'm down for it, if you will. So if all you felt was disgust, where does all of your guilt come from? Why so much shame, Monica?
DeleteKany, that sounds atrocious. I can't believe I am even a major part of this, not looking forward to it. The most horrific part is that I am going to have to wear a silk turquoise dress, a DRESS! Im going to look like a tranny with linebacker shoulders.
DeleteWell, for me it was a blast. My family is creative and it was super nesty. Think nest like. Although most people do toilet paper wedding dresses. They're trite and bunk.
What's she like? What's her theme? Where's the honeymoon? Work with something personal. Where will the wedding be?
What the hell just happened to the space/time continuum.
DeleteLol. It doesn't exist so I find it subjective to change.
DeleteYou've always said as much.
DeleteLol, um, I have no idea where it is, but it is a beach themed wedding, so on a beach. She's very bubbly, very intelligent, has a huge bleeding heart, but has more than enough balls to tell someone to fuck off. Honey moon, san francisco. She is creative, she is an artist as well.
DeleteI know what I am going to get her, it just came to me.
Something with a bird on it, I hope.
DeleteOn second thought, make that an ouroboros.
DeleteOK, well for the shower you can have a fun beach theme. You can do sand and teal colors. You could have sand dollars and stuff as decorations. Or bottles full of sand and glitter. For games you can can play something with a beach theme. Maybe have fish. And everyone can drink and get manicures, or play something like fun facts about the bride and groom. Drink if or when. You could play in bikini's. Try to focus on silly.
DeleteKany
DeleteI am not going to explain in psych words why I have so much guilt and shame. That would put me into my head, which is a defense mechanism. I will tell you about incidents.
I don't want psych words. I want what you felt, at the instant. You said you wanted to die. Why? Did you have desires? Did you feel alienated or lonely? Did you feel left out.? There's a basic emotion there that you can describe without therapy terms that I'd like to know.
DeleteI think I was turned on
DeleteThere's where your shame comes from.
DeleteThat's what I was aiming at.
Is that what makes you feel worthless? Alienated? Guilty?
I never realized it made me feel sexual until Alter said something about feeling sexual when she "shouldn't". Then, I let it peek in.
DeleteI will have to share memories with you, little by little. I am sorry I don't want to go on the Forum. I don't think it will be good for me.
I will take my hardest, most shameful memories and share them with you, little by little x
DeleteIts alright. It isn't the memory that's important. Its the feeling. Its the guilt you feel from your body's reaction that makes you act the way you do in general. The alienation your mother subjected you to makes you feel like society must reject you. So you try to make up for it by being perfect.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
Deleteyou seem to be taking responsibility for your mums actions based on your RE-actions to it.
DeleteIt's likely she withheld affection (intimacy) from you, and you simply responded in a normal and logical manner when occasionally exposed to it. Thats all you did. you acted like a child in a weird situation because thats exactly what you were and what it was.
What your mother did was wrong. That is her mess. you didn't create it, encourage it or anything. you were a powerless spectator in a game you couldn't understand.
You were betrayed by the very person who should have nurtured and protected you. She did that because she was sick, not because of you. if youd had a twin sister and youd died at birth, she would have done the same thing to your sister.
you lost the parent lottery & got the boobie prize, and you didn't even know you had a ticket.
Watching you self heal in this thread was amazing, and i thank you for sharing it. I hope you can find an empath who is good with kids, whom your protective alt trust to help some of the littlies understand and find peace.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqJxrVVK6Mc
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe how open and utterly honest you all can be. I am an empath as you would call me and I have twenty years with an ASPD and counting...my so-called comeback is soon to be a fallout if I don't get away from him soon. Just cut all ties, huh? Oh, he won't have it unless he's decided it's time.
ReplyDeletehey UKan,are you around?...i think you give very very accurate reactions ......
ReplyDeleteA socio befreinded me and was all over the top with the usual..along with that he started abusing me by false id's.I figured him out and cut him off immediately.he keeps coming back saying 'i am the one ' etc etc.cant beleive him .He knows i know he was the abuser ,then why does he want to come back to me.he says he wants to marry me.hmmm...wat shud i make out of it?how do i deal with this
stay away. I;ve been raped by a woman and a man separate times I got help. I was 9. know how to help....
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