Honesty with yourself is indeed the cure, and that includes realizing that you were a victim, and that although your ex was an ass, you must ultimately take responsibility for what happens in your own life. You have to be willing to face and accept the truth, no matter how painful it might be, so you can use it to make rational decisions about your future and what kind of life you want to live. Then you'll be equipped to handle encounters with sociopaths without getting burned quite so badly, if at all. All a sociopath has to do to enslave you is find out what you refuse to accept, and screw with your head and heart so that you see a connection between what you refuse to believe and what he wants to hide from you. Sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo, I'm sure, but I assure you it's very real. Think back to how you were manipulated, and I think you'll find that at the heart of every lie you should have caught, there was a link to something about yourself, or life in general, that you couldn't allow yourself to accept.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
The cure: self-awareness
Honesty with yourself is indeed the cure, and that includes realizing that you were a victim, and that although your ex was an ass, you must ultimately take responsibility for what happens in your own life. You have to be willing to face and accept the truth, no matter how painful it might be, so you can use it to make rational decisions about your future and what kind of life you want to live. Then you'll be equipped to handle encounters with sociopaths without getting burned quite so badly, if at all. All a sociopath has to do to enslave you is find out what you refuse to accept, and screw with your head and heart so that you see a connection between what you refuse to believe and what he wants to hide from you. Sounds like a lot of mumbo jumbo, I'm sure, but I assure you it's very real. Think back to how you were manipulated, and I think you'll find that at the heart of every lie you should have caught, there was a link to something about yourself, or life in general, that you couldn't allow yourself to accept.
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Good morning.
ReplyDeleteIt's simple, really: know your weaknesses. Know that even if you know your weaknesses, someone may be astute enough to come to know them, too.
ReplyDeleteWe might want to fuck each other up, but this was nice.
DeleteIs Virus-- Tom Hill?
DeleteYes, yes it is.
DeleteTrue true ;)
ReplyDeleteIt's really a service, if you think about it.
ReplyDeleteWasn't this, like, the featured comment already, for like, a year?
ReplyDeleteMedusa, I've beat up a lot of people, now I don't know what the hell happened to some of them, lol. Do you want me?
DeleteWho?
DeleteYou know who I am.
DeleteWhat do you mean, do I want you? To do what?
DeleteAnd no, I have no idea who you are.
Deletelol
DeleteThanks M.E for post. The ability to detatch from human emotions started out as an unsolved mystery for me. I became fixated on my sociopaths darkness, but not just in an obsession to find him completely, but in the pursuit of myself. I became a very willing victim, knowing full well that lies were at the core of everything, but with each painful injury, I was peeling back the layers to my own soul. Learning that my self righteousness was nothing more than a facade, a hiding place that kept me from Safe from my own darkness. I realize now, he has not stripped away my ability to trust myself, I simply have not wanted to trust myself. trusting myself has many undesirable, painful Realities that I MUST face. crazy how a sociopath can become your everything while you are his nothingness. how those two things develop simultaneously is beyond My comprehension. He is my best friend, my passion, my souls deepest desire, but actually, he is my nothing.
ReplyDeleteThanks M.E for post. The ability to detatch from human emotions started out as an unsolved mystery for me. I became fixated on my sociopaths darkness, but not just in an obsession to find him completely, but in the pursuit of myself. I became a very willing victim, knowing full well that lies were at the core of everything, but with each painful injury, I was peeling back the layers to my own soul. Learning that my self righteousness was nothing more than a facade, a hiding place that kept me from Safe from my own darkness. I realize now, he has not stripped away my ability to trust myself, I simply have not wanted to trust myself. trusting myself has many undesirable, painful Realities that I MUST face. crazy how a sociopath can become your everything while you are his nothingness. how those two things develop simultaneously is beyond My comprehension. He is my best friend, my passion, my souls deepest desire, but actually, he is my nothing.
ReplyDeleteI think perhaps this is one of the things that has caused me to not understand why I was diagnosed a psychopaath, because lying is one of the core elements of psychopathy, but I've never had issues with being honest to myself and I was always assumed to be.
ReplyDeleteI think it's something few realize. People expect us (psychopaths) to be dishonest also towards ourselves, because "How else can they live with themselves after all the bad they've done?! Ergo they MUST lie to themselves in order to feel good about themselves".
There's more to say about this, it's a good topic and will write an article on my website at some point.
I've never had issues with being honest to myself
DeleteMost people who aren't honest with themselves believe the same. Especially narcissists.
The lies we tell ourselves are the ones we believe the easiest and the most.
DeleteHello Zhawq
DeleteHi Zhawq.How are you?
DeleteWhy do I have to go all the way to www.psychopathic writings.com to see your blog? I used to get there just by clicking on your name.
a sudent psychology i kenw was always looking for weeknes in me couse she couden't believe i dindn't feel bad or ashamed or even just uncofortable
DeleteMedusa,
Deletepeople lie to themselves because the truth is too painful for them to bear. I don't feel that kind of pain about anything I've done. I may become angry with myself for having made a mistake that cost me, but I move on, I don't dwell or find it important enough to sustain any particular image of myself to myself. I lie to others, not to myself.
.....
Virus,
I don't know about that. Seems to me that if you're lying and know it, it must be harder to convince yourself too. But I'm aware about the dynamics being among the strongest once an individual has established such a false belief (with or without the help of someone else who may take a delight in corrupting certain people in such a manner).
.....
Hello Monica. '^L^,
.....
Anon,
I'm good. :)
I don't know why they've changed the avatar URL. There's been made a lot of changes since I went away, not all of them good. I'll check it out though there may not be anything I can do about it.
Zhawq, nice to meet you. Those who are adapt at making people believe lies forget they themselves can't see the lies until they are unveiled. I'm not suggesting you lie to yourself. I do suggest if you do, you might not even know it.
DeleteI myself am as paranoid about me as I am the next guy:o)
Zwang, no one, and I mean no one is completely honest with themselves. Especially psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists. Those that believe they are, are deluded special snowflakes. And it's a huge liability for you which creates nice blind spots where you can be attacked. To think you are infallible is either a self-lie, or a huge weakness of yours.
DeleteAnd lest anyone forgets... our friend Zwang here is really an obese woman with Asperger's and a shattered kneecap who gets raped by passerbys, and also goes by the names Puzelle, Numby, Blackman (or something like that) and Tricksy (or something like that). She was shamed out of here long ago. Her entire blog is a lie.
Deuce, I think it may be you that I keep returning here for... you are such a great bitch, queen... you're just fucking great!
DeleteHaha I just got it that you are referring to me with that Deuce stuff. Took me a minute. Not sure I like that nickname. You know, poo and all.
DeleteIt's my favorite Kiss song... I can go back to gorgon if you like.
DeleteWow Zhawq, it's really you... really missed your LONG history of replies to me (extra sarcasm on the long). I doubt you will reply to this, because why would you, when you never replied to my other email?
DeleteBut yeah... how are you today?
What're you doing?
It's pointless to re ask the load of questions I asked in my email
I use AIM. If you were thinking about it, don't guess on this blog.
Tom Hill,
Deletenice to meet you too.
It doesn't make much sense to talk about lying if you think you're honest. Obviously you can't acknowledge lies you don't know you're making.
Medusa,
okay, I'm with you. I agree there are most likely nobody under the moon or sun who never lies to themselves at all. And I guess that goes for me too. But lets keep things sensible here. For one, you tend to lie more to yourself when you're younger and haven't learned that there is no such thing as infallibility. I believe pride is what makes you lie more than anything, and it can hurt to find yourself less perfect than you expected you were.
I can only say that I truly don't know what I would be lying to myself about anymore, though I'm fully aware when the urge to do so appears, and to me this recognition makes lying unnecessary.
Just to make things clear, I'm only talking about lying to oneself, I don't claim to never lie to other people.
As for your allegations about what who did to me a long time ago and who and what I am, sweetheart, you're being silly. But I think you're aware of that. ;)
Anonymous,
yep, it's really me. Don't know if I've ever replied to you or not (no sarcasm), how could I, you're anonymous after all.
I'm good today, and I'm way too busy with way too many things, but that's all good too.
You're always welcome to email me. I've gotten behind with replying though, since I've been away for quite some time. But as I say on Twitter, I'm working om it and hope to catch up one of these days.
I don't have AIM, I use Google which is easy to download and user friendly as well.
I want to die NOW
ReplyDeleteI cannot live with what I've done. I hope you can.
ReplyDeletewhat did you do.
DeleteI betrayed my family. I betrayed myself.
DeleteIf I come clean, I destroy our lives, if I don't, I will be forced to spend the rest of my life next to my sociopath. No way out
Deleteyou aren't making any sense. please clarify. how did you betray everybody and who's forcing you to stay with your sociopath.
DeleteComplicated. Betrayed my marriage, (which nobody knows)......husband entering a life commitment with this sociopath. No way out.
ReplyDeleteso you are saying you cheated on your husband with a sociopath? or is you husband about to marry a sociopath. please speak in clear terms with proper punctuation or I will lose interest in trying to translate.
DeleteCheated w sociopath that My husband going in business with.
Deleteokay, thank you. you sure are in a pickle. do you have children?
DeleteYes.
Deletewhy would your husband go into business with a sociopath?
DeleteYes.
DeleteYes.
DeleteHe doesn't know he is. Not close enough yet
Deletecan you like, tell your husband you are getting weird vibes or a "bad feeling" from his business partner or something and tell him not to do business with him? or do you think sociopath will flip out.
Deleteyou fucked up, but that doesn't mean you deserve to die. just so you know. people fuck up a lot like this in the world.
DeleteIt's over.
Delete?
Deleteare you dead already?
Deletethat psycho fucked with you to fuck up your husband it's problebe a ploy to destabilise him. than take his money
Deleteceate tention than he'll have your husband cheating than he'll have power over him
I'm a "portrait" of the perfect life....... Nothing could be farther from the truth
ReplyDeleteI am the only one that knows the depths of sociopathy to add misery to my already miserable existance. This isn't an "emotional" hunch.
ReplyDeleteI think the root cause for every problem is the "feeling of unworthiness." The sociopath knows this.
ReplyDeleteThat article is so simple and says so much. It says it all. I am having the journey back to self awareness a this Mal Narc woman who has been dogging me for 3 years.
ReplyDeleteTo put it in a word, she is forcing me to look at what it means to be evil. My mother foisted evil on me when I had no means for coping with anything of that magnitude.
Hence, I shut down and became scared to death of anything that looked remotely evil. Hence, I had to hide under the bed, as evil lurks inside the souls of all of us.
So, I had to make my life small, as I did not know how to deal with evil( even when it was in a simple everyday form,which it often is)
At any rate, I was frozen in this artificial stance of never being able to call evil for what it was, in myself or anyone else.
This sets you up to be abused. I really think you can make this diagnostic, even, in that I bet it is unerringly accurate.
To bring this to present time, I have the most friggin evil Mal Narc on my ass. I am on a journey with her doing all the Mal Narc evil tricks in her witches bag. I am slowly standing up. I gave her a mortal wound to the head but she is back because I did not cut it off when I had a chance.
I weenied out, so she lives another day to torment me. I had her head all ready to be chopped off and I was too "nice" to do it. Nice is not the word. Weak is :(
I had one dogging me for 20 years. Walk away. Fuck 'nice'.
DeleteI have to FRIGGIN cut off her head. I get weak and try to think she is being nice. Then, she attacks me again. It is just what I went through with Eden. i can't seem to take the ax and behead her.
DeleteYou don't need an ax to walk away, unless you are using it as a cane.
DeleteI could do this thing for U, Monica.
DeleteMedusa
DeleteI want to cut her head off for all the times I could NOT as a kid. I want to do it. I have to do it.
Anon 7:09
DeleteIf I had the means, I would send someone to kill her.
We should get together. I like you. I would do it just 4 fun.
DeleteI have so much friggin hatred in me. No wonder I have stomach aches~
DeleteThank you Anon. I like you, too!
Oh, I thought you were talking about someone new but you're still talking about your mom.
DeleteAs long as you have hatred for her, you are still being damaged, you know.
Your hate will probably kill you before it kills her, and then she will have won.
Confront her, then pity her.
I am talking about someone new. This Mal Narc woman is not my mother, Medusa.
DeleteMy stomach is friggin killing me.
Well if she's not your mother then just walk away!
DeleteDon't get revenge on your mother by proxy of another person. That's just fucked up and will fuck you up even way worse. This is the same shit you were doing to me when you first arrived here; now you are doing it in real life?
Being able to walk away into the sunset is way way way way stronger than succumbing to hate.
Yes, Medusa. It was the same stuff I was doing to you. This is what I am going to do. The Bible tells you that the human being cannot sustain hatred, as it will kill him.
DeleteYou are to pray for the person. Pray for them to receive everything you want for yourself.
I have started doing that, now, and I feel better.
Thanks for listening, Sweetie.
No problem. Praying sounds okay to me, for you. Take care, and I hope you do something fun for yourself today.
DeleteI am Medusa. My son and I are going out for lunch. Thank you!
DeleteANd what are EEUWW doing to whom by proxy here, Medusa. i mean I know how you love your position here and all, but you're too cosy with the sadistic "nature" you show. There's a reason you get off on being a cunt, turning up your snotty little nose and flouncing away. Now why don't you say?
DeleteWe'
re
All
Ears
And Monica, you know you are talking to your mother's voice in your head when you respond to these bitches here. Go for it. No ones gives a fuck about any phantom poster on a sociopath blog. They all muppets anyway. Use these cockroaches everyday . Burn them. Take these slugs and pour salt on them and watch them curl. Because even if you killed your mom, her voice is still eating you. It doesn't go away.
My position here? Lol.
DeleteAnd what is that? What is my official title and place in the hierarchy? Fucking ridiculous, that you buy into that crap and then talk like you are all jealous of it.
And why are you using UKan language. Get your own mind.
There's a reason anyone acts in any way here, mr. insight.
Jealous? That is narc talk. You position is queen narc. Queen of hearts because there is a heart in there but it's always off with their heads off with their heads, running around with a butcher knife.
DeleteHierarchy..ah good question. DOn't know, don't care.
I don't talk like Ukan; I talk like myself.
I am insightful, thank you for noticing. ALso thanks for calling me a guy. i'm a chick.
I do like having the Queen title. I wanted to be Queen since I was five (along with Wonder Woman), but then later on I switched to King.
DeleteBut anyway, it seems you assume my 'cold' personality is fake or is attempt for me to fit in with the cool crowd. This is incorrect. Otherwise how would I have made it to the Queen title.
But anyway... what idiot walks into a room of sociopaths with a bleeding heart?
But yeah, jealous because of what you said directly, not something I am merely assuming. Jealous of something imaginary.
Medusa, why are you still helping her? This is not an attack, I'm honestly asking you. She never changed in all the years she's been here and you gave her good advices that she never took, she never took any of the advices. Her stories may not even be true.
DeleteBesides, for some people confronting someone and making them pay in imaginable and cruel ways doesn't get rid of the hate, and anger. The damage's there, forever. Taking severe actions against a person that abused you gives you a satisfaction, for a short time. Then you start blaming others, other enemies, then when you're done with them, you start blaming your friends, your girlfriends and they get a paycheck, too. You create a vindictive world that doesn't make any sense for anyone but yourself. Sociopaths seem to get over it a lot quicker and are detached from their past, I didn't. The rage and hate are still there, many people suffered just because of what one person did to me and it doesn't matter how many persons I enjoyed watching beg, or cy for me to stop hurting them, it still didn't get rid of anything. I still wake up angry, I still sleep angry, I still get rages out of nowhere. Weird thing about all this is that I never get sad about it or cry about it, just angry, I don't understand this about Monica, fear of taking actions, anxiety, etc. I did nothing but take actions and now I'm 20, almost 21 and I'm at the same state I was at 15, angry at everyone.
Actions are needed, but don't expect getting better. It just stops your abuser from ruining you even more, it makes them afraid of you, but the damage stays.
I don't really know, Extremity. I think it's partially an OCD/control freak thing. I cannot stand when I can't figure something out or fix something. Perhaps I also feel bad for her. She is trying so hard and I don't like seeing someone who is trying so hard at accomplishing nothing.
DeleteI agree with you about the confronting bit... but she seems set on it now that Kany is her new savior and is telling her to do so. I suppose I mean something more along the lines of standing up for herself when situations arise rather than confronting her mother in a "Hey you did this and that" sort of way. Which would, of course, do nothing but make her mother irate and shift blame and make Monica feel worse. Monica might think it would open her mother's eyes or something (I really hope she doesn't harbor that hope) but the whole point really is just to assert herself to herself. Not her mother, because that will never matter. Just to herself.
But, you know, your comment sounds like you are trying to help her, too, but through me. Or are you trying to help me? Lol.
I came to my conclusion. I will pray for those who do evil to me. I will pray that God gives them all the things I want for myself but if one of them gets in my face with the snake fangs, I will cut off their head.
DeleteThen, I will go back to praying~
Extremity can't help shit~
DeleteI get peeved when I see the word Narc, because it just reminds me of how I used that shortening with an ex friend and how he flamed me so much for it, saying it was not valid, and that Narc is not also short for Narcissist!
DeleteNarc is easier to spell than the whole word. Can't some things just be fucking simple~
DeleteBut anyway... what idiot walks into a room of sociopaths with a bleeding heart?
Deletevery funny.
I'm not sure this captures it all.
ReplyDeleteWhat about when you make a pity play on someone - and you pretend like you need their help, because you or someone else is in need?
What is it that the victim isn't accepting at that moment?
They want to feel needed in order to feel important.
DeleteFuck off
DeleteThe victim isn't accepting it is all about control. It about them wanting to be the center of your universe unconditionally. Or maybe I talk more of the mal narc. It is confusing.
DeleteExample:
I was away on a weekend (punishing my socio ex for being a douchebag) and he texted me he pulled a muscle was in such pain. I ignored the text. He was then telling me later how many times he texted and did not get a response. He combo whined/bitched trying to get pity.
Thanks Anon 9:10 <3
DeleteM.E. I think I love you.
ReplyDeleteI know I love me some me, LOL!
DeleteTEEEHEEEEEE UKAN, MEE CALED WEDDING PLANNER AND WEE GETTEENG MARRIED NEXT MONTHHHHH TEEHEEEEEE
ReplyDeleteTEEHEE
DO NOT WORREE, ONCE WEE FINALLEE TOGETHER MEE CAN RAVISH YUU AND WEE CAN LIVE A WOMANTIC LIEF TOGETHERR TEEHEEEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEE ONCE WEEEE MARREED WE CAN HAV BABEES TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ReplyDeleteTEEHEE BABEES
TEEHEEEEEE MONEECA, WIL YUU BE OUT WITNESS
ReplyDeleteTEEHEEEEEEEE WE NEED TWO WITNESSEES TEEHEE AND
MEDOUSA, CAN YUU BE OUR 2ND WITNESSE TEEHEEE THAT
WAY MEE AND UKAN CAN GET MARREED TEEHEEE
LOLOL
DeleteHurricane party!! :D
ReplyDeleteHey Themes, can u give 'em "When the Lever Breaks"?
DeleteOr Levee lol
DeleteThemes asked me to ask what kind of song are you thinking about? The levee breaking and people floating away~
Delete....
ReplyDelete....
ReplyDelete....
ReplyDeleteI just became aware of this website. Very interesting stuff. One minute I'm getting a divorce because my wife said she was abused and I didn't seem to care when our son died of cancer, the next I find a website exploring "Antisocial Personality Disorder". The world is a different place thanks to the internet. Regarding this thread, I was diagnosed with APD while in the Army, forced to go by my NCO's at my (ex) wife's request, for a year and a half. It worked, to some degree. I found another female with a compatible history and personality. I told her who I was, and she stayed. She tells me when behavioral problems interfere with societal norms. We no longer have animals as I don't do well with them, even after therapy. But no more abuse. In a better environment with all party's on the same page, I am able to pretend more efficiently. I have heard as well that the older a person gets, the more likely the symptoms are to fade. Sometimes people will remind me of things I did as a kid (hurting them, animals, etc.). I still find it humorous, but I know now not to laugh or joke about it. The new female keeps it in check much better as well. I would say the answer was, for me, better surroundings and a partner who cares too much. That way if someone dies or gets hurt or kids start crying their needs are fine and you don't have to worry about it. My therapist also tells me pretending for long enough can lead to real reaction. Food for thought...
ReplyDeleteI would say the answer was, for me, better surroundings and a partner who cares too much. That way if someone dies or gets hurt or kids start crying their needs are fine and you don't have to worry about it.
ReplyDeleteWill she have to know she cares too much? That might be a relationship killer.
The partner must be aware. Telling them things also makes them believe you are opening up on a new level, or at least that's what she told me. It also allows me to say what she calls "crazy things", like she's getting fat during pregnancy, or that I hate mouth noises when people chew, or that I don't really care when people cry or are mad at me. She warns me when i'm supposed to love someone like a family member and not properly displaying it. I said something to my father that made him cry. I thought it was pretty standard but everyone seemed shocked. My new female warned me that normal people don't say that, especially to their parents, so I apologized and hugged him. It worked. Its best because I'm not required to show that much affection, she doesn't expect me to randomly bring her home crap like flowers or something, and when something happens she warns me when its appropriate not to laugh, like someone putting a 'pet' to sleep.
Deletelol
DeleteIt sounds like she wants a retarded baby, not a bf. I bet munchausen by proxy ladies would be good mates for the socio bf.
DeleteTruthfully its a burden to be smart. I wish I could say stupid things without thinking, but I am cursed with intelligence. It must be nice not to have deep thoughts. "Ignorance is bliss." Regarding your actual statement I don't know what 'munchausen by proxy ladies' are, but I'm sure it has little relevance to what was being discussed. I only attended a public school for one year, but I know its difficult for them to read and retain information. If you find it a burden to follow discussions of anything other than food or music, I would try remembering the old adage: "It is better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove any doubt." Food for thought.....that's your 'thinker', not your 'talker'. Good luck.
DeleteYou're a snob and you don't get my sense of humor. It's weird, yeah. It bothers you? Not my problem.
DeleteA person with munchhausen by proxy gets off on the attention she gets From having or creating a sick child. it is my opinion she is a narcissist and a strange, inside-out martyr.
Have you ever had a lover who could not keep their inappropriate mouth shut? Have you ever had to makes excuses for your partner's behavior? It isn't a picnic. It's exhausting.
I know exactly the point I try to make when I write. I don't give a fuck about your erudition, your fancy words, your eloquent way of stringing sentences and ideas together, oh how they flow out of your pretty little mouth like melted butter.
"Good Luck"
Thank you. You too.
"A narcissist is revolting to me, yet the narcissism Displayed by a sociopath is highly attractive. It works for them???? Why is that?"
ReplyDeleteThe sociopath might even make fun of their narcissism or shove it in your face with a sly wink. They know it's a bunch of bullshit. The narcissist does not know.
That was hilarious. The problem resides not in myself, but that of the world - of which isn't a responsibility upon myself to fix, so the applicable option is to rape it. like tony montana said, " the world is like a great big bowl of pussy just waiting to get fucked. Cheers for the laugh. Just when i thought the world was running low on clowns...
ReplyDeleteHows that for self-awareness!
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I visited this blog. Really this is awesome work with the blog.
ReplyDeletehealthetarians.com |