The Jason who'd been presented to me was not a man I'd ever met. He wasn't even the 18-year-old I'd tried to envision so many times and whom I'd come to accept as the correctional system's "best guy", someone who would never again pose a threat of violence. He was now a rapist.
He was now a rapist? I mean, you read her description and don't really think she's an idiot. But then she says something like this and you wonder, does she really think that he just suddenly became a different person? That this man is something that her own husband was not?
First.
ReplyDelete;p awwww kick rocks I'm second
DeleteI guess the poor guy got bored. I've kept many things from my previous relations. Its just better for me to hide certain things from those I "care". So I can see hire age would have no idea, done people are just good at living double/quadruple lives.
DeleteEdit* I can see how she wouldn't have any idea.
ReplyDeleteAnyone see the movie Detachment with Adrian Brody ? James Caan is great in it.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xoxryi492d0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&v=9RDbdKU0qp8&NR=1
DeleteFuck me, I've seen better acting in a porn movie.
DeleteWas half expecting the cheesy 70's music to start playing any second.
I like Lucy Liu when she is angry and losing it. I like James Caan when he is not macho/cool.
DeleteLucy Liu is Sceli or Monica and James Caan is TNP.
GO.
Yes, I see the appeal of going against type.
Deletesecond
ReplyDeleteex once suspected me from using here as a front
Deletewhat would she care i was good to here
that's all that matters right
right?
Deletedefinitely right.
DeleteBut a front for what just exactly.
Could not link to the story using the link in t epost but this worked:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/oct/12/husband-rapist-shannon-moroney-book
Very interesting story in that the guy apparently gets really pissed off when a woman turns him down and kills his lover/roommate of 38 year old when he was only 18 year old by repeatedly banging her head on the bathroom floor.
Then this new woman accepts all that, marries him, has her one month of marriage with him, and when she is on a conference trip he rents a van and forces two female customers of his to come to his home. He must have justified the shit on the fact that his wife was gone away. Before he kills these women the wife calls home and tells him she is pregnant. That brings him back to reality, he calls the cops and turns himself in half an hour after the call.
I guess all in all the guy was more of a severe npd than a sociopath. What do you think?
I'm missing ME's point as she questions the wife's surprise ine realizing the guy was a rapist. In the first round he was only a murderer, sex was consensual, this was a clear rapist case. Does anyone get what ME is trying to say? Calling someone rapist does not change that person, just adds to one of his titles, lol.
First off, thanks for the working link, the one up top wouldnt work for me either.
DeleteI dont think he is a sociopath/psychopath either just for a couple of reasons.
The first reason is that he came out before their relationship got deeper and told her "There's something I need to tell you before we get to know each other more: I was in prison for 10 years. I'm on parole with a life sentence." I dont think most sociopaths/psychopaths would be that open and honest, especially in the beginning of their relationship before they have their "victim" trapped in. He definatly sounds like he has a PD of some sort though.
He could be Bi-Polar, in the article it said his mother was on disability for having "Severe Bi-polar disorder". The article also stated that he was sexually abused by his mother, her boyfrie nd, and his grandfather, so that may have shaped out his personality too if it happened while he was very young.
The second reason I dont think he is a sociopath/psychopath is because he actually called the police and turned himself in, it had to either be because he had a guilty conscience, OR that he didnt want to kill the women because he knew he was going to get caught if he let them go free. I think most sociopaths/psychopaths wouldnt have turned themselves in, I think they would kill the women and than try to get rid of their bodies, than MAYBE commit suicide, but I doubt the suicide part.....
The thing that struck me hard was when the police officer said THIS to his wife -
"Do you know that the average cycle of a sex offender is seven years?" I shook my head blankly while she continued. "Jason has been out in the community for seven years."
That part DOES make me think he has sociopathic/psychopathic tendancies but dosent have the full blown disorder. He could be a sociopath/psychopath though, and alot of people that have a personality disorder usually have more than one and/or other mental issues.
i love how ppl say this is what a sociopath would do
Deletemakes'm look like a dumbass
Her tone was dramatic. He was now a rapist! Um he was THEN a murderer.
DeleteWhat's with the dividing up of violent offenses? He murdered. How is that so very different from rape? Because she couldn't imagine he would do that to a woman or something? He was less threatening to her before? Somehow she didn't think he was "that bad" a guy because rape hadn't been on his resume before?
It's the sexual aspect, maybe.
Murder would be easier to explain. It was self defence, it was an accident, he was framed, blah blah.
DeleteIf she loves the guy she could convince herself it's the truth.
Much harder to explain away raping a woman. That's hardly likely to happen by accident or in self defence.
oh. yes I see that.
Deletesceli maybe the guy turned himself in for a more selfish reason. If he is bipolar and he goes into a psychotic state, he knows he was putting his family at risk.
Remember in American Psycho, he had the girl in his apt and told her she should leave bec he was afraid of himself? Is that realistic?
:) Good Morning SW!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHow are you all today?
PS- Monica, I saw your comment yesterday that said "Iam perfect the way I am" AWWWW thank you!!!! That was very touching <3
Hi Rich!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou comments and your punctuation always lifts me up. Don't let anyone make you hard!
This is my thought about the story. You know I am a Born Again Christian.
Everyone is susceptible to going to the dark side, even the sweetest little old lady.
If you are holding on to tons and tons of pain, you will have many fault lines in the natural armor we all wear to get along in the world.
You have to hold down more and more things, such that a small thing can set you off.
This guy was the husband she thought he was but he was filled with too many breaks and almost breaks similar to an aneurysm which will pulsate and pulsate until it breaks.
This man needed real help to let out this volcano which was going to blow and did.
I can see how they still loved him.
lol.....lol.....lol....:D
DeleteAwww Thank you Monica, you are a sweetheart :)
DeleteI wont change, I will always be myself ;)
I agree that ANYBODY can go to the dark side at anytime if pushed to far.
Also, in "The Mask of Sanity" Hervey Cleckley says that Psychopathy is seen in every form from mild, to having full blown psychopathy AKA, being a "prototypical Psychopath" A prototypical psychopath is somebody who would score a 40 on Hare's PCL-R, like that guy Wayne who I posted about a week or so ago, he is a perfect example of the prototypical psychopath who scored a 40 out of 40 on the PCL-R.
When it comes down to it, it is hard to say whether is was a sociopath/psychopath or just snapped...... But I do believe that he ALWAYS probably exhibited some traits of psychopathy and that his wife just didnt know about psychopathy and the "red flag" behaviors so she didnt know what to look for.
But anyway, How was your thanksgiving Monica????? Good I hope!!!!
:)
Monica here's the thing a hard man is good to see. :-) Rich sweetie you go get hard. If you know what I'm saying.
DeleteBTW the story continues. Apparently.
Theme for today http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0WzG64syKHA
ReplyDeleteAlia would punish that little bitch, Elicit, if Elicit fucked Thomas' murder up.
ReplyDeleteAlia would punish that little bitch, if she was late for dinner. Ha ha. Russian humor. Alia was a comedian.
Thomas, needed to die for being a weak pussy, if nothing else. How can you do a CIA operation and fall for a cunt like Monica?
It blows one's mind.
Today, Elicit would do the nasty, so to speak. Ha Ha.
For now, Elicit was on her way to Thomas gym where Elicit would hide in the showers. After Thomas' workout, which he did to perfection, being a vain asshole, on top of everything else, Elicit would shoot him with an ice dart gun. It would look like a heart attack and could not even be seen by autopsy.
Thank you, Uncle Sam.
Then, Elicit would come over for dinner. Elicit would cook Alia's favorite Russian dish. If she made any mistakes, she would be punished.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
ha ha ha.
DeleteAre you okay, Monica? Your story is starting to seem hateful. I'm not sure I'm choosing the right word here to describe what I'm sensing when I read it. I guess it just seems light it went quickly from lighthearted and fun, to dark and demeaning. It seems a bit hardcore, you know? For your style that is. And writing is an outlet for sure. I think when writing to entertain an audience, it's good to do it in a detached enough manner to stay true to the characters you are writing, and the story-line itself. So I'm just curious... Where are you taking us with this story? Are you doing this to entertain us still, or are you using it now, to express real feelings of frustration and aggression with it?
DeleteAre you drunk?
DeleteAll those ha ha's make her sound like some crazy woman laughing to herself as she tents her fingertips menacingly like Mr Burns.
Ice dart gun? *big sigh* lay off the conspiracy theory pages. Look what reading that crap did for Spatial.
And any dart will pierce the skin. Any piercing in the skin will be seen on autopsy. Geez.
Sober the fuck up and write some more of the good stuff.
At 12 PM EST, Thomas took his last breath, slumped in the shower at the tony Baca Raton Country Club gym.
DeleteDavid was sitting at Shabbat services at the Grand Synagogue in Jerusalem.
Monica was putting in her diaphragm for a night of passion.
Bible Anon was, furiously, passing out tracts because the end was near.
ME was humping some honey in his bachelor pad.
Rich was logging on to his favorite blog saying, "Hi SW!!!!!!!!!"
Alia was shopping at her favorite Russian specialty shop for tonight's dinner with Elicit.
Elicit was leaving the Boca Raton Country Club, dressed in tight pink gym shorts and a halter top. She carried a gym bag that was empty.
RIP Thomas
Seriously, you spent much time describing sex scenes and wrote nothing about the murder of Thomas? That had to be one of the most important scenes! Fuck, I demand a rewrite!
DeleteNoooo!
DeleteHe's dead, it's finally over. It would have been something terrible anyway, like:
Thomas was drying off his washboard abs after a shower when he saw a petite blonde coming towards him.
He was too busy concentrating on her breasts to notice that she was holding a dart gun.
A searing pain shot through his chest and he crumpled to the ground. Before he succumbed to the darkness, the thought of Monica putting in her diaphragm flashed before his eyes and he felt his erection fade.
His face had already taken on the peculiar rubbery look of the recently deceased by the time Elicit calmly walked out the door humming a nursery rhyme under her breath.
who still uses a diaphragm?
DeleteThomas was drying off his washboard abs after a shower when he saw a petite blonde coming towards him.
DeleteHe was surprised to see a naked woman in men's showers so he realised that something wasn't right. Then he noticed a dart gun in her hand and quickly jumped forward, hit her arm and the gun flew on the ground. He prepared to hit again.
Ellicit was surprised because no man was able to resist her before and she realised that he was different, he was just like her! She thought "it's a pity that he has to die", avoided his other hit and punched him in the lung. Thomas froze for a moment and that was enough for Ellicit. She kicked his leg.
Thomas fell on the ground and he saw how Ellicit started walking towards the gun, then he forced himself to get up and pushed Ellicit onto the ground. They started wrestling (naked, in showers) and after a while Thomas got on and started smotgering her.
Ellicit was in a position where she wasn't able to do anything. Everything started to fade into black and then she heard that someone was walking to the showers...
Rich just finished his workout and went to showers. He walked in the room and yelled "what are you doing"! He went towards the man which was smothering a poor woman but he slipped on the bar of soap! Rich opened his eyes (he always close his eyes while falling) and saw a dart gun in front of him... Rich took it but he couldn't shoot the man! He yelled "stop, I have a gun" but the stranger was focused on his work and didn't hear it. Rich started to sweat and he realised that he had to intervene, so he aimed, closed his eyes and shit! Aimed perfectly.
Later Elicit was leaving the Boca Raton Country Club, dressed in tight pink gym shorts and a halter top. She carried a gym bag that was empty.
Shot, I ment shot...
DeleteThat was even more terrible than mine! Oh the humanity!
DeleteWhy the fuck would she be naked?
She kicked him in the lung?
Yeah, I figured it out while writing, but, oh well. At least my story has Rich in it. And some fight scenes!
DeleteBecause a non-naked person in showers would cause even bigger suspicions. And I took that from the part where you wrote that Thomas was starring at her breasts :/
Anyway, I'm still waiting for the original writer to add the killing part.
DeleteI have to say I like your story more than the other one mee. yours more... emotional
DeleteA woman getting undressed, then walking around naked in the shower would cause a lot more suspicion than a fully dressed woman simply walking in to the men's shower stall.
DeleteNot to mention it makes the getaway easier if you don't have to stop and get dressed first. Men stare at women in halter tops not because they admire the cut and color of the garment ;)
Unless they are gay of course, but I digress.
Admit it, you just wanted to write something where Elicit was naked, didn't you?
LOL Good way of murdering somebody right after a workout when they are all jacked up and their heaart rate is running full force..... You must have put some thought into that killing ;) lol
DeletePS- Raven, Why do you think it is Monica who is writing "Up From The Sofa"?
I am very pleased that Ellicit was naked. The rest need not make any sense at all.
DeleteWhy do you think it is Monica who is writing "Up From The Sofa"?
DeleteBecause I'm smart.
LOL @ Mee!!!!! That was a good one!
DeleteYou definatly have some writing skills too ;)
LOL Raven, I wont argue with you there, you are also pleasant to look at, if your portrait looks like you :)
DeleteI don't have that avatar up anymore, Rich.
DeleteWhat happened to the twitter?
ReplyDeleteSober the fuck up and write some more of the good stuff.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the good stuff, in your opinion? Lez action ~
That is what you're best at.
DeleteNot just because it's soft core lesbian porn, which is always good, but also because it is more realistic and shows promise of becoming a good story.
All these murder plans, love potions that are electronic devices, ice darts and other conspiracies are ridiculous. It's like reading something a sci-fi addicted, pot smoking 15 year old would write.
Trying to come up with a very clever plot, with great twists. And failing. Now it seems like you have wrapped up this Thomas nonsense at last. Even you seem to have lost interest in this part of the story.
And for fuck's sake, do we really need to hear about your diaphragm?
Doesn't a story need more than sex to make it interesting? If two lesbians were in bed all day, wouldn't that get boring?
ReplyDeleteNope.
DeleteA male should join in the fun. What's Post's role in this story anyway?
DeleteThose other anons are not me for the record.
DeleteSure it does, but my point is that you seem to excel at the Mills and Boon and reeeaaallly suck at the Jeffrey Archer, just to make it nice and simple.
I'm sure you have the ability to come up with a decent plot, that not only involves lots of hot sex :), but isn't completely ridiculous and tedious. I mean electronic seduction devices? Come the fuck on.
You could come up with something much more relevant to this site and us regulars. Make it reasonably believable, make it fun. Stay true to the characters. You get the drift.
Thanks a lot, Anon! I will check out Mills and Boon, as I never heard of them.
ReplyDeleteJeffrey Archer did bomb, a bit :D
Oh, don't bother checking out Mills and Boon. It was a pretty bad example of porn. I had a feeling you grew up with that stuff. Don't know why.
DeleteThey are the stuff chick flicks are made of. The ones that had Fabio on the covers. But the sex scenes were good sometimes.
Trust me though, the ones you wrote so far with Elicit and Alia are far superior.
Anon 12:11
ReplyDeleteThat was brilliant especially about the diaphragm ^^
Up From The Sofa( taking critical reviews into consideration)
Elicit called Alia after Elicit had murdered Thomas.
Alia was pleased as punch and told Elicit that Elicit deserved a dinner and evening of immense proportions.
Mama Alia knows how to reward Baby Elicit. Alia smiled.
Baby Doll Elicit would be bathed, perfumed and gotten ready for an evening of sensual pleasure.
Alia would cook the dinner alone, not make Elicit do it, as she had planned, previously when Elicit was bad.
Elicit arrived straight from the Boca Raton Country Club and Gym.
Elicit was worn out and stressed from her endeavor.
Elicit needed a hot bath and a massage. Mama Alia would wash all her appropriate parts, just like a good mama.
Alia ran the bath water and put in lavender bubble bath, Alia's favorite.
Elicit climbed in and the hot water became steam around her lovely face. Her blonde hair hung limply, at the sides.
Elicit closed her eyes and felt the warmth surround her, just as Alia's hands started to wash her with the thick terry washcloth.
Alia washed Elicit's breasts until her nipples stood at attention.
Alia moved the wash cloth up and down Elicit's wet thighs.
"Does Baby like the bath?" Alia said in a husky voice.
Elicit closed her eyes and guided Alia's hand to her lower lips which were parted in anticipation.
"Wash me here" moaned Elicit.
Alia did what she was told as her fingers parted Elicits lips and Alia gently pushed her finger inside.
It was as wet as the water. wetter even, if that was possible.
Alia stoked Elicit's clit until Elicit was moaning.
Then, Alia sat back and said she had some cooking to do, but for Elicit not to move or Elicit would be punished( and badly)
Alia came back in 15 long minutes and stroked Elicits clit again until Elicit was moaning as loud as the Little Richard music on the stereo.
Then, Alia stopped and said she had to check on the dinner. Alia was gone for 10 more minutes as Elicit waited, feeling as uncomfortable as a person holding her breath and not being able to stop.
When Alia came back, Alia was naked and sat down beside the tub and stoked Elicit's clit until it was pulsating as if it were a very heartbeat.
Then, she touched it one more time, very lightly, and Elicit exploded and saw stars.
Alia said. "Elicit, are you still hungry?"
Nice!
DeleteElicit's got great control not to have taken matters into her own hands.
Mama Alia would wash all her appropriate parts, just like a good mama.
DeleteUmm. Ick... that part sounded kind of gross. It made me think of your mother, Monica. Just sayin'...
If she took matters in her own hands, she would have been punished, badly.
ReplyDeleteMmm, that can be fun too ;)
Deletecontinued:
ReplyDeleteWhen I got home I reached for my penis shaped pipe, as was my usual habit after a shit day at asshole headquarters, aka Scrotiopathworld. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror above Manjushri. Shit, i forgot to give him a tangerine this morning. No wonder I'm twisted. What was going on with me? Was it the way CEO touched my face and punished me for minimizing my importance at SW at the same time? I ran my fingers over my face in the mirror. Ug I really needed a shave.
I had to get out of my apt. I grabbed the keys to my Subaru and found myself on the way to ......Raven's salon. Whenever I can't sort my shit out that's where I end up. Woman's got a hold on me.
It was closing time and I saw Raven was just shoving off her last client of the day. Good, no one there.
Raven told me I looked like hell and to take a load off in one of her brand new massaging chairs. She actually brought me a cup of tea and made sure I saw her fancy new bourgeois brewing machine.. I knew she was showing off but I didn't care and I was too beat to tell her I knew what she was doing. She told me to just relax and tell her all about it. I tried to.
By the end of our talk she said she knew just what I needed. A new look. I was too tired to argue with her. When she gets all manic she's kind of cute and it's way better than her alternative self.
She made me rifle through a bunch of hair magazines and all I saw was the objectification of women, the failure of modern society.. could they place just little more importance on style rather than substance??
I finally threw her stupid magazines all over the floor. I was sure of what I wanted. I told her I wanted her ..I wanted her to ..to make me ugly.
LOL... Nice.
DeleteI love your writing. It melts in the mouth like chocolate mousse.
ReplyDeleteGo You! :D
You are over the top and you know it.
Deletei mean thank you.
DeleteI did not know I could write or wanted to write. How does it happen? all the words and thoughts in my head talking at once? That is a bipolar thing?
Deletethat is not so true. I wrote scenes for a play a long time ago. I just gave up. But I did not know I could write a narrative.
DeleteWhen did you start to write?
Deletegoodnight then.
DeleteIt's looked down upon to look down on others so I pretend like I see them as equals.
ReplyDeletelol. is that going well for you?
DeleteBut you are right. My mother does not know she is a narcissist so she will turn to "insiders" and talk about the ones she thinks she is above. Nobody likes her.
DeleteIf my mother was Fake Medusa, she would think all the other women having their hair done in the salon were shallow and frivolous and she was not.
Deletethen she would give them all sorts of compliments and slip in something like: who has the time for all this? I work every minute of the day, I have my smart news programs to watch, I don't do this regularly.
DeleteBeing able to write frees you. It lets you sing from the mountain tops. I am me. I am OK. I am the same as everyone else. It all makes sense, finally. It all fits.
ReplyDeleteI like the scenes of Diane Keaton writing in 'Something's Gotta Give'
Deleteit grounds you if you feel you are floating away, not really existing?
Deleteall art.
DeleteI'm finding it gripping, and hope you keep it up, Sofa. And not just because you wrote me in as a character.
DeleteUgh.. Diane Keaton is such a quirky, goof ball. She has about as much sex appeal circus clown.
Delete*as a circus clown
Deletedid you see her writing in that movie, laughing and crying at the same time? She wasn't supposed to be having sex appeal then. She is a goof ball. I do not think she is unsexy.
Deleteit grounds you if you feel you are floating away, not really existing?
DeleteIt would make sense that writing in a personal manner would help integrate and process psychological turmoil that was contributing to that derealization you describe.
yes i think it does.
DeleteI saw the entire movie. She makes every emotional moment look like a massive train wreck. You mistake me if you think I'm putting her down. The fact that she separates herself from other actresses that way, is very appealing to me. I enjoy her because she does not try to be the mainstream beauty. The sex goddess. The eloquent picture of perfection. She stands way out... like gout! And it is very endearing.
Deleteyes I agree.
DeleteShe said something memorable about being done with relationships with men in an interview a few years back.I will google.
something about she doesn't do it anymore because then she has to worry about what they are thinking,
DeleteElicitNovember 24, 2012 7:00 PM
DeleteI see your truth in your creative writing, Sofa. I think you may have found your channel, so to speak. Not to diminish the validity of any other creative pursuits you may indulge in, of course. With this one you get a certain perspective here.
Can you explain, more?
I see certain conflicts and themes. Patterns that are different expressions of the same thing at the core of it. Rather than psychologically dissect you, I would just encourage you to continue, as it sounds as if you are undergoing some catharsis with it.
Deleteyou think that a person can define themselves through the eyes of their characters? after the creative thing is done then you can say, yes this is me. Before writing maybe one cannot see oneself as clearly?
DeleteElicitNovember 24, 2012 7:51 PM
DeleteI see certain conflicts and themes. Patterns that are different expressions of the same thing at the core of it. Rather than psychologically dissect you, I would just encourage you to continue, as it sounds as if you are undergoing some catharsis with it.
Of all the profound things I have heard on SW( and there have been a lot) that is one of the most profound. Thank you, Elicit.
.
Truth is love. Truth-- of who you are--all the ugliness--is really beauty. Truth is beauty.
ReplyDeleteYes, indeed. Truth has a power, wouldn't you say?
DeleteI do not have stable amt of truth.
DeleteWhat do you mean?
DeleteIt is hard for me to hold onto truth so I feel my self love is undependable and my power waxes and wanes.
DeleteIt is bad thinking habits.
Yes, truth is the basis of all health. If you can touch truth, you can be emotionally healthy.
ReplyDeleteI see your truth in your creative writing, Sofa. I think you may have found your channel, so to speak. Not to diminish the validity of any other creative pursuits you may indulge in, of course. With this one you get a certain perspective here.
Deletedo you feel emotionally healthy?
DeleteSince I started writing here, I can touch my passions, my depth, my blackness, my hope, all of it.
DeleteMe? I do feel emotionally healthy, but I know I'm not. I'm extremely damaged goods in that department, but am blessed with a lack of angst, in general.
DeleteSince I am here I can feel more too. I can see how needy I have been without knowing it.
DeleteI'm starting to think ME is losing material ideas. I'm sensing a pattern of anytime anyone displays extreme/bad behavior now it gets chalked up to sociopathy. Grasping at straws.
ReplyDeleteNews flash: You don't have to be a sociopath to be an extreme asshole.
Hi Haven.
DeleteHi there.
Deleteyeah but being a sociopath i take the asshole to a hole new lvl
Deleteif i see an asshole i usualy see it as a challange
Deletei can be more of an asshole and than ofc i have to prove it
i hope you're having a good wknd.
Deletesometimes i 1st charm the crap out of the asshole so he drops his/her defenses
Deleteand than surpise surpise...
i take your soul for a joyride
you mean you have an asshole showdown?
Delete827 i luv you.
DeleteI kind of wish I was drunk b/c apparently I"m the only one that's not.
Deletecan one really call conscious passive aggression really passive aggression? or is it just full on conscious tit for tat. wouldn't that just be aggression?
Deletei'm not drunk.
DeleteIf you're doing something/saying to someone directly with the actual intent you're going for... that's not passive aggressive.
Deletethere was a lot at thanksgiving.
DeleteYou cannot feel safe with the passive aggressive people. They will tell you they love you after clobbering you over the head and sleep well. But god forbid you clobber them for something they "didn't mean".
They will say you are sensitive and paranoid. Isn't that a bitch?
Here at least people know it is tongue in cheek or else stabbing in the front. Most of the time, that is.
Alia fed Elicit chocolate mousse, one delicious spoonful at a time.
ReplyDeleteAlia stroked Elicit's hair. Alia told Elicit that she was beautiful.
Then, Alia carried all 105 pounds of Elicit to Alia's bed with the white down comforter and matching white down pillows.
Alia lit jasmine scented white candles and shut off the light. Alia put her arms around Elicit and sang a lullaby in her native Russian. Ellicit was asleep before it ended.
The next morning was Monday, Alia gave El a necklace with Alia's name written in Russian. Alia told El to wear it at all times, even when she bathed.
Alia told El that it was a symbol of their love and that El could never touch another man or woman.
Alia, on the other hand, was going to fuck M.E.
It was Monday morning at Establishment B.
ReplyDeleteElicit and Alia were going to keep their relationship secret, for obvious reasons.
Elicit looked a little different to everyone, but they could not put their finger on it.
ME walked in at 9 AM sharp. Medusa went to get him a cup of coffee, two creams and two sugars. She gave it to him, as a dog with a ball.
The ladies said hello and it came out in unison. Zoe gave Monica a dirty look, which was becoming standard operating procedure.
Monica ignored it and went to get her own coffee.
Zoe met her there and Monica spilled a little.
ME walked to the elevator to go to Alia's fifth floor suite. He smirked when he knew that he had passed the mirror in which they could see his reflection.
Elicit touched her necklace and sighed.
:) LOL ! Like a dog with a ball lol!
DeleteNice!
DeleteEven your non pornographic fanfiction is becoming enjoyable.
But do you really have to keep repeating Alia's name so much in the 359 story? The repetition is unnecessary and gets a bit annoying. You could have just combined the sentences.
The 420 post was pretty good, especially the "dog with a ball" part. Jokes like that really liven it up.
Thank you very much, Literary Anon!
Delete:)
DeleteYou can count on me to tell you the truth.
To keep riding your ass when I think the writing is far worse than you are capable of. Or tell you if I genuinely enjoyed it and why.
Thank you, Literary Anon. This one is for you :D
DeleteUp From The Sofa
Alia loved nothing more than a hard cock in her mouth. This was nothing like it pulsating and coming alive like fucking Pinocchio.
Truth be told, she loved power over cock. It was an immediate satisfaction and it continued on until the very last drop. Ha ha. More Russian humor.
Alia kicked her lovers to the curb when she decided it was time for them to go.
She had an almost perfect record of no man leaving her.
However, the one man she wanted could take her or leave her.
Alia would figure this shit out. Alia could figure things out.
ME opened the door and interrupted her reveries. "How you doing?", she asked coolly.
Mmmm, an Alia vs M.E. seduction game. This has potential to be interesting ;)
DeleteCan't wait to see where this goes.
Loving the Pinocchio reference. Those horny Russians and their oral fixations.
lol
DeleteCool. All critical opinions are wanted.
ReplyDeleteI was sleeping when they taught grammar~
Alia never forgot about her mouth on ME's cock. No matter how many men she sucked and fucked, she remembered him.
ReplyDeleteHis cock was all he gave her. She wanted to know him. She wanted to know his favorite books and his favorite songs, but he gave her his dick and, as that was all she had, she accepted, greedily.
She loved it, like she could not love him. She made love to it and when she was done, she didn't know if he thought it was an ordinary blow job or what.
Was this one of those fucking fated loves like Cathy and Heathcliff?
Fuck, maybe, she would go running through the bogs screaming his name. Russian humor.
She laughed very hard at this and at some point, her laughter turned into sobbing and it lasted until the wee hours of the morning.
It's not necessary to cue your audience in on when you're using humor. You're not telling the story as though you are Alia. You're telling it as if you know her. If you were telling it as though you were Alia, it would make sense to have a narrative of you're own thoughts, and laughter. Goodness woman. Try to let the audience decide for themselves what's funny or not. Stop trying to tell them where they should be going.
DeletePlease, explain more. I don't know what you mean.
DeleteWhen you're telling a story, it's just your job to paint the picture. It is then up to the people looking at that painting to interpret it in there own way. If you were a sculpterer, and you managed to get in a gallery to show your work; you would line everyone up and give them a tour of each piece so that you could tell them what they should be thinking or feeling when they look at them.
DeleteDo away with telling us every time you make a Russian joke, and please do away with the "ha ha's"
If it's funny; we will laugh. If it's sexy; we will be aroused. You don't need to guide us there. :)
I am not your Literary Anon, btw. But I wanted to point a few things out if that's ok.
I meant to say that you *wouldn't line people up
DeleteLOL ufts!
DeleteThank you, Anon. I will try to nix those things and see what happens!
ReplyDelete