I was joking with friends the other night about seduction. We each took turns describing how we would seduce the other, if we wanted. I was impressed with some of the good ideas. For instance (caveat -- not too soon into a relationship or it will ruin the effect), take the person to an event or location, or participate in an activity in which the target is no longer in his/her comfort zone -- culturally, socially, or even related to their sense of physical safety and well-being. With the proper preparation, your target will be forced to rely on you, and will have to trust you to help them navigate the situation successfully. After instilling this sense of unease and reliance in your target and after successful completion of the task, let things take a turn for the very physical. Their adrenaline and fight or flight senses should still be up from the challenge, so things will seem very exciting and intense to them. As we continued talking, though, it was clear that I differed from most people in thinking that a broken heart is its own reward, whereas other people use seduction more as a means to an end -- a happy, successful, intimate relationship. One person wondered at what would be the point of keeping up a charade indefinitely. What point, indeed. Although I derive a good deal of pleasure from playing games, I know that there are certain things, certain life experiences or levels of trust, that games cannot provide. That doesn't mean that my hard-won skills are useless, though. I like to use the analogy of hitting a golf ball with a strong lateral wind. Your first inclination, before you notice the wind, is to hit the golf ball essentially straight. When you take the wind into consideration, though, you realize that to hit the target you seek, you have to skew the trajectory from the start. The same can be true of good communication. If you know that your listener/audience has certain prejudices or sensitivities, it is foolish to not take these into account. If you are trying to communicate to someone in that situation, you must imagine what your listener is hearing, rather than what you are actually saying. Keep tweaking your intended speech until you have accomplished your true goal in communication -- communicating a particular idea to a particular person, rather than just saying what you mean to say. Yes that is manipulation, but it is also just good communication.
"i differed from most people in thinking that a broken heart is its own reward"
ReplyDeleteWell at least you are not abusive, lol.
As a teenager I often told everyone what they wanted/needed to hear without even recognizing there was another way. I was very well liked. Until the moment passed and that mask was thrown in the closet to be replaced with another perfectly tailored facade worn for whoever owned the next moment.
ReplyDeleteOver the years I've developed a more strategic approach.
But I still kinda love the irony when inevitability someone "destroyed" by a Sociopath dramatizes their story as the sacrificial lamb- a life in shambles at the behest of an unassailable iron-fisted King.
It must be a better tragedy, I suppose, than simply being a prop to the court jester.
This is what sadistic dominants do to their submissives, although they usually tell them in advance, making them sweat while anticipating the event. And yet, the target will still be forced to rely on you. Of course it's more humiliating for the sub because the dominant is amused and entertained by their unease. I kind of like to think your target will catch on and enjoy being at your mercy, and maybe not let you know that they know. Nobody likes to be fooled but then I imagine this is part of the pay off for you. How cruel... ;)
ReplyDeleteHave you ever thought of writing a book or maybe a script m.e? Your writing has character and a lot of potential, it draws readers in and keeps them posting.
ReplyDeleteThere is an abundance of material on this blog to fuel even the most dormant of imaginations.
If you do have the ability to take on any "believable" character, that conveys credibilty and evokes emotion from another, then why not apply that to fiction. Or maybe you already do?
Take Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", or the "Saw" movies for example. Gruesome storylines. In every sense of the word. Obviously somebody created that from their own mind and drew inspiration from else where. All in the purpose of? ...Intoxicating the masses. Anybody who has ever shed a tear listening to a song, has been a victim of anothers creative intoxication.
From the fundamentals of any form of expression others are often taken on board to help breathe life into what started out as just a "seed".
Does that mean anybody who has ever directed a horror movie, written in an uncoventional genre , or taken on an unsavory role is a sociopath/psychopath? lol.
Is there anybody here who has ever watched a particular movie or read a disturbing book and thought..., "who on earth could conjure up such a nightmare?". I doubt the writer gets carted off for psychological tests on the basis of a sick and twisted imagination. Ha.
Somebody created the main protagonist "Hannibal", "Patrick Bateman", "Michael Myers", so on and so forth. Does that mean the character was just a mere projection of the real innate desires of a writer? lol
M.e obviously has hit a target audience here of some description or other. I wonder what generally tends to interest commenters on this blog in "real" life? What does makes me chuckle though, is just how serious a few posters take comments on here.
For instance Aspie, who referred to me as a psycho, bless his soul. I come on here for a bit of a laugh, post something a little stupid and sinister and suddenly his radar is up. Aspie my dear. If you read this post, look. At. It. For. What. It. Is. Words on a screen. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Some of the topics on this blog are "gripping". This is why i believe M.e attracts a wide variety of readers, and most significantly keeps them. There inlies the magic! :) If the blog wasn't remotely interesting or controversial, then it wouldn't work would it? It has such an air of sophistication about it and i admire M.e' dedication for remaining consistant with this blog.
Not that i question your sociopathy at all M.e, but i think you may be onto a good thing. $$$$$$$$
Tink :)
Her book "Confessions of A Sociopath: A Life Spent Hiding in Plain Sight" is due out in May
Deletehi tink!
Deletei'd have to agree with you tink, many times i've contemplated the idea of printing all the posts with comments, (because lets face it, thats where all the action begins). but who can afford the ink, probably be cheaper to just buy new printers as they run out, but again, what a hassle.
ReplyDeletethen again, at times, i am forced to step back and realize some of the people posting, probably ARE true sociopaths. many i think are wannabees.
and not to single any one commenter out, but just to make myself clear, the one person i thought would be fun to have a real conversation with is harry lime, (abet it would probably mean wearing black latex and lapping my campari out of a sterling dog dish while i was doing it... but i am a sport), but he made a comment the other day that really i can't get out of my head, he said something to the tune of "i could give a fuck if an earthquake swallowed up 100 hatian babys, but i'll be pissed if i get a spot on my suit". okay, so i wonder is that what the, i don't know, "medical community" is talking about when they say that sociopaths have "potholes" that the nerve impulses just can't jump across?
is it MY problem, because i realize i was pmsing and maybe i was just being emotional?
and, why is it that i find that comment disturbing, but when hurrican katrina happened and i saw a photo online of a dead baby lying face down in the mud, i wanted to string up bush, cheney and rumsfield by their nuts till they fell off, then spin them around and wanted them to hang till they bled to death? and still feel that way.
i mean i guess it is just how we really act when faced with that type of situation, are we going to let the kitty meow itself to death, or are we going to call the landlord or break a fucking window to let him out?
fact is, we are online, chances are we will never know any of these people and it is some of the more interesting reading and exchanges that are out there. i for one also would like to see ME write a book, as i think a lot of the labels put on people are life damaging, and until we face that fact, everyone of us is at risk of being tagged with a scarlet letter.
and for all the dicktards out there that want cry, "ohh, ME really snowed her, she has compassion for sociopaths..." i say, "Bite me! i am a compassionate person so fuck off!!"
Don't blame Bush for the Katrina aftermath. I was there lol. That was the reeling glaring failure of our esteemed governess.
DeleteMuymalgal said.....
ReplyDelete"(abet it would probably mean wearing black latex and lapping up a campari out of a sterling dog dish whilst i was doing it...but i am a sport)".
LOL
As for the expense to write a book, all m.e would basically have to do, to start the ball rolling is print of a manuscript, save the original to a disk and send multiple copies off to several well known publishers. I think the cost of ink would be worth the possible outcome. Besides no harm in trying, who knows where anything leads without the occasional leap of faith?
Obviously many doors slam before one opens, but m.e might get lucky? It would probably be best to rope in a good agent, and as long as m.e can consistantly produce the goods, "the jobs a good en". This blog has a great formula to "run" with.
Somebody has a blog that has already grabbed the attention of the national newspapers in the Uk. Probably complete fiction, but i would bet as soon as the identity of that person is found a lucrative "deal" is sure to follow. Infact come to think of it, the layout and colour is the exact same as this one. Probably just a coincidence though. The black is very stylish so i can see how it appeals to many.
Anyway, everyone has to start from somewhere, no better place to have a platform then on cyber space where the world is at ones finger tips and the imagination free to reign supreme. I wonder if m.e has any idea of the number of readers he/she has? Maybe twitter would give some sort of indication of how well the blog is doing?
Tink :)
tink, i once did see an indication of how the blog was doing either thru a google search or a blogger search, i can't find it now.
ReplyDeleteas far as the page layouts, i know thru mac they give you a certain number of templates to use and really the black is much more easier on the eyes.
Foist!
ReplyDeletethere is no 1st one a rerun you silly goos
Delete(and if there was it would be me)
the nile isn't just a river in egypt
Deletei on.. ne.. ha.. a wo.. fo. ppl t. und..... m.
DeleteI feel you mahn.
Deletehas anyone seen this youtube short? "Vacation with a narcissistic Sociopath"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QASllpZEXmE
exaggeration but im afraid to say its scarily accurate in my case. i get vicious when im irritated and annoyed.
haha
Deletelols
Deletei dated someone exactly like that years ago. he was an alcoholic, and crazy, similar reality bending bullshit. we went on vacation to a foreign place and the bullshit hit the fan. so i got my own room.
he instantly settled down and behaved, never travelled alone on his own, the big baby. i dropped him as soon as we got back. my only regret is not dropping him while we were on vacation. he would have spent the rest of the time huddling in his hotel room, and i could have spent the time flirting with the french men.
instead it was stupid boring touristy stuff and one stupid art museum after another. and no clubs or night life cause he just wanted to sit in the room, safe from others, and drink cheap wine and cry about what a loser he was. with people like that you're only safe if they think you keep the power.
i wonder what happened to him? :-)
Zoe I didn't understand this as it relates to the story.
Delete"with people like that you're only safe if they think you keep the power."
you mean that they need to feel they are going to have to do something in order to keep you? that they are on your shit list unless they come through? that it is up to them to get off their ass or you are going to leave them in the dirt??
maybe poorly worded. i meant "if they think you keep your power".
Deletehe told me afterward he was surprised that i had the confidence to get my own hotel room. he was projecting his own weaknesses. we hadn't known each other very long and i'm pretty agreeable when you first get to know me until i have a reason to be a bitch. he lived at home at the time and so did i. he assumed because i lived at home i didn't have the nerve to go out on my own. actually i just didn't have the money :-)
really ugly fear filled personality. just like his dad
"my only regret is not dropping him while we were on vacation. he would have spent the rest of the time huddling in his hotel room, and i could have spent the time flirting with the french men."
DeleteHAHAHAHAHA LMAO LOLOLOLOL!!!!! Zoe you are HILARIOUS!!!!!
Rich, have you noticed that you REALLY enjoy sadistic behavior?
DeleteAnon- I do realize that in some situations.......I dont do it myself (usually, maybe sometimes I do), but when somebody treats somebody else badly (like Zoe's BF treated her) then for some reason (maybe because I feel like I "know" Zoe through her Sociopathworld posts?!?!?) I empathize with Zoe and think that the person who caused her to feel bad deserves to be punished because he hurt somebody I Know (even if I only know her from Sociopathworld)....
DeleteLOL I get what you are trying to say though.....
Do you think Iam a sadist?!?!?!?!!
We all do to some degree but I have noticed you really have an orgasm when someone does payback.
DeleteI don't like it in myself.
payback orgasms are da best. :-)
Deletethe look on his face when he raced down to the lobby to see me with my suitcases was priceless. pure panic. i had packed quietly and snuck out, but i guess he woke up. i took another room in the hotel and the suitcases sat behind the lobby desk waiting for it to be vacated. he thought i left them to look for another hotel.
he caught up with me outside somewhere and begged me to hang out with him. so we hung out together, and he was on his best behaviour, the room being a kind of power i yielded. but he started acting like a dick later on in the week, very covertly, feeling it out. covert dick.
he was such an ugly drunk that his friends were afraid of him, but at that point had never really done anything to me or anyone. he was just a drunk and mean and ugly. and pathetic.
we were walking, sightseeing one day, and some girls passed us. i guess they glanced at us because he turned to me and said he could tell by the looks on their faces what they were thinking. when i asked him what that was, he said that they were thinking to themselves what was she doing with a loser like that?
that pretty much reflected my thoughts exactly.
the night before i got my own hotel room, we were sitting in the room and he drank wine like a pig until he was almost passed out drunk. he was angry about something. he was growing out his hair into a pony tail and the bangs were down to his nose, covering his eyes. all you could see was his mouth, this long gaping thing making angry sounds under a fringe of stringy hair. that's how i remember him. :-)
Deleteand in case there is any doubt...
Deletehe was so stupid he hid a giant knife in his luggage to "protect us". i couldn't believe my eyes when he unpacked it. then he insisted on carrying it around with him everywhere in his backpack when we went sightseeing.
You do know there is predisposition for fear. Did you see fear in one of his parents?
Deletehis father was a dominating and bullying bragging type, who probably made him feel like nothing. his mother was weak or dominated. i wasn't really around long enough to unravel it.
Deletei almost forgot this gem: he liked to smell bad. his friends would beg him to take a shower. apparently his father didn't care for showers either. so maybe in his mind bad smell equalled power? when we first started dating he was on his best behaviour and the hygiene was a surprise for later, like the binge drinking and rambo knife.
oh god, Zoe! lmao!
Deletethe hygiene was a surprise for later!! hahahahahaha!
DeleteI force myself to be very honest on here because honesty will heal a person and I want to heal, more than anything.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I was afraid I was a sociopath. I was in my teens and early 20's when I thought this because I could do what M.E did, with the seductions and not care. I liked to get a whole group of guys interested in me, just for my ego. I had no concern that these people had feelings. If a guy would get upset or cry, which would happen, I felt nothing. I would look at him like he was a bug under a microscope.
Now, I cannot hurt someone's feelings because I can feel what it feels like for someone to do that to me. I need to be more assertive to protect my boundaries and if people get hurt in the process, that is not my fault, but I cannot actively hurt someone for my own ego needs, now.
I suppose that is empathy.
I will add that the more empathy I feel for myself, the more I feel it for others. I don't think you can have empathy for others, if you do not have it for yourself.
DeleteLollies.
DeleteWoman... If you ever started smoking weed I believe you would finally figure out what you are trying to get across to everyone and SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT ALREADY!
DeleteInteresting thought Monica........ I think I definatly have A LOT more empathy for others than I have for myself.......
DeleteLike if some misfortune happens to somebody, I always feel really bad for how they feel in that situation, but when that same thing or something like it happens to me I never feel as bad for myself as I feel for others even when the same thing happens........
Now that I think of it, thats kinda strange........
Anon 7:18
DeleteWeed gives people that "Duh" look. I have enough problems being a nervous wreck, to add "Duh" to it.
yeah people who smoke weed endlessly get the duh look, and are numbing out form reality.
Deletebut people who are unable to let go even a little have a whole other set of problems that get worse with age. you just have to let the balls fall once in a while, get some down time from reality. pot can show you the door to that place. after that you can always go there on your own without it.
good point about empathy :-)
Deleteike if some misfortune happens to somebody, I always feel really bad for how they feel in that situation, but when that same thing or something like it happens to me I never feel as bad for myself as I feel for others even when the same thing happens........
Deletethis isn't good. i had this a bit, but broke away from it completely. i think it's where you're taught that others have more value, are entitled to take up more space? or maybe are more fragile and can be destroyed by your bad moods?
I get confused between lack of empathy for myself and self-loathing.
DeleteYeah, Zoe, I think deep down i must value other people more than myself. I think if I can only trick them into thinking they got a prize i am golden. It works. But then what? Then I get angry I have to get up the energy every fucking day for them.
Why we all want to be a prize to someone, be the special one, be the chosen one in a relationship?? I m too tired to keep trying to look and act and seem like a prize when it isn't the way I feel.
THey say that a narcissist will pick you because you are desperate, and somehow they know you will pick them over yourself. It' s disgusting. THen you have to go on acting AS IF you are picking yourself over them, but really you are just manipulating them into thinking they have to work to own you over and over, How fun (sarcasm)
You want to be loved. that is all. THere's nothing pathological about that. You don't feel lovable? Join the rest of the human race, it's not a big fucking deal.
DeleteI feel the second I let my hair down to relax, they will leave. And that's your fault, sociopaths/narcissists
DeleteI blame YOU, as a group, for my neuroses. And I hope some dumb bitch kill herself all over your nice white couches.
why dont you take responsibility and get mad at yourself?
DeleteBecause it's like the doctors at Rich's pill place. They know. They do not care. Should we go around making excuses for people who say " I didn't think I should care, ,,,I mean it takes 2, and you are there."
DeleteThe one who can leave= no problem= is the one with the power.
I not going to dance monkey dance for you idiots. I have had enough.
Why do you feel that you'll be abandoned the moment you drop the act?
DeleteWell the world is full of shallow people who like to feel like they got a prize. Thye dont have to be narcissists or sociopaths either.
DeleteIOW, you'lll be dancing , little monkey, for anyone. It's Y O U.
You want to have to work for the love. Know why?
Because you're a bored dumb bitch, who likes and feeds off the chaos of it all, arnt you? If someone wanted you just for the pitiable you underneath the pretense, you'd say "no way that was too easy. I need a REAL asshole, Then, and only then will I be content."
Why do you feel that you'll be abandoned the moment you drop the act?
DeleteAre you asking me what it was like as a child? I can say if you are interested.
But in vaguer terms, I feel it is about attention and focus for my people, the ones I choose as well as the ones I grew up with. They have very short attention spans. If you aren't IT, something else grabs attention and I am in the dirt.
Now I see it happening even if it isn't really happening. I am ghost. I ant thenm to try to please find me over and over.
Yes, I pick people who get bored easily so that I can fix the past, so they can prove to me I am worth it for them to stay. It's both killing me and keeping me alive.
DeleteI want to find a way to turn this into a strength, so atleast I can even out how I feel about myself, knowing this.
DeleteSo, you have a fear of being abandoned? And this fear has led you to seek approval from people who have short attention spans.
DeletePeople who are more likely to abandon you.
All I can do is get very quiet and let them plllease please talk about themselves. Please let me put focus on them. I am expert in giving attention.
DeleteIt seems I have done this, anon 12:50. I tend to go for people I catch looking at their watches, yyyep.
DeleteSo why are you afraid of being alone?
DeleteIs it because you feel unsafe?
so I tell myself I am using the push pull to my advantage with them. It does work . But it is too much work. Why ? Because they should not mean so damn much to me. It is not about the person. It is about my own ego. and nothing should mean so damn much it distracts from other areas.
DeleteI dont know .
DeleteI did not think i am afraid of being alone. I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. I am not like a typical narc guy who needs to have supply of women.
Deletethank you for listening. I am curious what other people think, and if any feel this trouble. I have to go now. Thank you.
DeleteInteresting thought Zoe..... Hionestly, I think it is probably a little bit of both :(
DeleteAnother Interesting thought by Anon @ 12:22
Deletewhen he/she says
"Because it's like the doctors at Rich's pill place. They know. They do not care. Should we go around making excuses for people who say " I didn't think I should care, ,,,I mean it takes 2, and you are there.""
Are you the Anon who asked me how I felt torward the doctors who prescribed me the pills? If you werent, my answer was that I wasnt/ am not mad at them because they were just "helping me out" at the time, although now I know it just made my life worse, I still took 50% of the responsibility by going to see them every 28 days and pay them in cash, the doctors didnt accept insurance, payments were strictly CASH ONLY, and you had to pay upfront, not like at a normal doctors office where you can use insurance or pay after your visit.
Yeah, Zoe, I think deep down i must value other people more than myself. I think if I can only trick them into thinking they got a prize i am golden. It works. But then what? Then I get angry I have to get up the energy every fucking day for them.
Deletei chased after someone once, treating him like a prize i had to have. and when i got him that's exactly how he acted. he invited me to go canvassing with him. as we walked, and he talked, he suddenly asked if i was in love yet. he tossed that over his shoulder like a treat for me to snap up, not even looking at me as he hurried to the next house.
pretty soon he didn't seem so shiny and i started to lose interest. he started to annoy me. i grew bitchy. well damn if he didn't fall in love. suddenly i was the prize!
he said he was in love with me because i was no longer a pushover. when i told him i wanted to end it, he said now that was overdoing it. ha :)
it can't really work if you're not a prize to yourself. people see through it eventually.
Deletei mean if you put effort into tricking someone into thinking they got a prize, that uses up valuable resources and reduces your prizeness. your first duty is to being a prize to yourself.
LOL Zoe
DeleteGreat story and it illustrates all our points. Ye, my mother always has to be the one who knows more and she invalidates my primal instincts, which are damn good. Don't leave home without them.
my mother passed away several years ago, so it's been years now without the endless criticizing. it used to make me crazy. but it wasn't an option to cut her off. so you either detach, suppress or stew.
Deletefor the most part i was detached but the demand on my time, as it was never enough for her, and then to spend it sitting there listening to her picking on me over this or that would make me ballistic. i don't believe in the endless self improvement bullshit, and am insanely jealous of my time. we could never just have fun. what's the point of living if you have enough food, clothes and stuff, and can't enjoy a moment of it because it isn't perfect yet?
growing up was like being stuck on this train to perfection that could never reach its destination. you were never quite there yet. crazy ride on the crazy train. i really hated being dragged back on it every time we would see each other.
Yes, Zoe. I try to work on my prizeness everyday. It is hard.
DeleteRich, yes I am that anon. I understand about the doctors helping you out. I understand it was life saver to you. I understand that you do not blame another for a personal addiction. I think that is very responsible of you and I think it is a good way to recover.
DeleteI used this to illustrate that my struggle is a 2 person deal.
It is not anyone's fault T O D A Y that i am fucked up about attachment and have abandonment issues and have trouble with self worth. The shitheads I choose today are my responsibility.
I am just doing parallels. It is not personal.
Hi.
ReplyDeletehiya
Delete:) Good morning Sociopathworld!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteRich has that "Duh" look.
DeleteI have that nervous wreck look ~
DeleteGood morning Rich and Monica! How are you today?
Deletei have that get the hell out of my way look mushroom brain!
Deleteworking on that
You take mushrooms, Zoe??
DeleteHey Monica, Zoe and Anon........ Iam doing well, how about you?
DeleteAnon @ 12:04- Ive done mushrooms a few times, what do you wanna know about em? I even grew them at one point.........
no mushrooms, i missed that drug boat. but i could get high just by thinking about it anon.
Deletekidding, mostly
fine thanks, rich. lil sleepy
DeleteHi Rich, Zoe, Anon and Everyone
ReplyDeleteI had something happen and I am feeling self destructive. What happened was I really stood up strongly to someone. It was super strong. I started telling my mother the story of how this person tried to get power over me and I beat her down. My mother said, "You didn't beat her down". How does my mother know. She was not here.
The larger point is that my mother is too emotionally stupid to understand power. I used to, until I was afraid of the whole issue and shut down and became a wimp.
I will see if I can describe this situation. This woman is doing some decorating for me. Another woman came over who had an art shop and she was going to help me pick out some art. Well, the art shop woman said she shopped for antiques and would help me find some accessories. The decorator basically said *I* was her person and she would do it.
I wrote to both of them and said, " No one owns me. I am not anyone's exclusive person and I wanted to see what the art store lady had, as well as the decorator.
I keep feeling I am bad because of this.
maybe you are. so what?
Deleteit sounds like they were trying to bully you. i hate that female crap when they try to dominate you when they're selling something - like bras! don't even get me started on the bras. it's just a freaking bra, you know?
i'm not sure your mother is emotionally stupid. she may just be in the habit of invalidating you. my mother never gave me or my brother much credit for holding our own. we were always "being influenced" by someone, or naive, or had funny ideas.
she seemed to have a horror of our doing something stupid in public to embarrass her. actually both my parents were like that. they equated young with stupid, and had to be the smarter ones. we would fight with them over toys, you know when assembling them. they had to show us they could do it, instead of the other way around. it was like this weird role reversal where they they had to prove themselves to us. what did we ever know? nothing. at best they were amused by us. i grew up hearing what smart parents i had, and learned to derive pleasure from acting totally stupid. maybe cause it always evoked a reaction?
when i would try to share and tell my side of a story, she would always challenge my take on it. if i shared a wrong, there was always this subtle implication that i was the one who had been in the wrong or misinterpreted the situation or rude, the bad one. always this subtle erosion of self esteem.
so monica, two mantras to live by which will make you feel a whole lot better: "screw you i was right, you don't own my brain", and "yes i was a bitch, but i love me like that, deal with it." :-)
so monica, two mantras to live by which will make you feel a whole lot better: "screw you i was right, you don't own my brain", and "yes i was a bitch, but i love me like that, deal with it." :-)
DeleteYES *Doing a Snoopy Dance*
:-)
Deletewhen i would try to share and tell my side of a story, she would always challenge my take on it. if i shared a wrong, there was always this subtle implication that i was the one who had been in the wrong or misinterpreted the situation or rude, the bad one. always this subtle erosion of self esteem.
DeleteWe have the same mother, Zoe, except mine is emotionally dumb like Monica's.
Yes, I realized from this one incident with this decorator which has been evolving from one step to the next that I lost my primal instincts. Well, my favorite Anon pointed it out to me, at just the right time, and I saw it. That made me fish food for anyone who wanted anything from me. In this case, the decorator wanted money, but it could be anything. My mother undermined my primal self for my whole life. I think this was because I was smarter, intuitively, than she was and she could not take that.
DeleteMonica what primal instinct do you associate with the dueling decorators?
DeleteI will tell you the whole story. One of my purposes for being on SW is to get my primal power back. My personality on here, is my true personality, but in my life I am afraid to be myself. So, I am making the attempt to transfer my personality on here, to real life. When the decorator first met me, I had a victim persona about me. She thought, "Great, a rich wimp, who is afraid to go out. I hit the jack pot ~ "
DeleteSo, she starts bossing me around and getting arrogant with me. She wants to plan shopping trips where she charges me a lot per day etc
Well, in the interim, I started getting my power back, from being on here and my own business getting more successful. So, at some point, I pulled back and tried to change the power dynamics, and this last incident was the last in a series of my trying to change the power dynamics.
Actually, I don't really care what happens to my house, as far as how it is decorated. I just want to get my power back.
To answer the question directly, the ability to defend oneself against abuse, of any nature.
Deletethat is a primal instinct. That feels primal to me. Thank you, Monica.
DeleteMonica, I didn't know you were afraid to go out.
DeleteShe may hope to win a jackpot, but you have the power to make or break her monthly income, don't you? That is power.
It will be a nice feeling not to need or owe anything to anyone, right?
I am trying to do my relationships this way now. People will want to guilt you or tell you you must be consistent or be forthcoming every time when you just did something once or 2x. They begin to expect..
Zoe is right, You can say no to whatever you want whenever you want, change your mind, kick a few tires, and then turn around and say "sorry I'm not feeling you today", or whatever.
You are allowed not to care about her pinning her income on you. It's the price she pays for being self employed. And she knows it.
Thank you, Anon!
DeleteI never got totally agoraphobic, but I struggle with wanting to and have for most of my life.
I made huge emotional progress with this woman. Now, she treats me with a great deal of respect, vs the scorn she had for me, in the past.I set several strong boundaries with her. I told her to call me before she dropped over. I told her that I was not "exclusive" to her, as I said. I make it clear that she is a business person, not a friend. I don't offer her coffee etc. I don't ask about her life, like I used to.
This one experience has been a huge spring board toward my self esteem and getting back the power I lost, as a child.
Thanks again, Anon. I don't know if you are MY Anon or not, but I appreciate your comment x x
you are welcome!
DeleteHow is Interoceptive communication used by Sociopaths Different from normal Human communication?
ReplyDeleteIM MAD AS HELL AND IM NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE ANsWER YOU OWN DAMN QUESTIONS!!!
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