A NASCAR RACE CAR IS NOT really a race car at all, which is what makes the sport so tough. It has almost no downforce to keep it on the pavement; with 850 horses under the hood, it’s way overpowered; and the rest of the 43-car field is always bearing down on you.
I thought -- this is like me. Over the years, I have fine tuned my brain to be super efficient and as powerful as it can be. But the rest of me still has the same limitations -- fancy race car engine under the hood of a normal stock car. I have been thinking recently that for the first time I have more time than I have mental energy. Little errands that used to bother me like shopping are now welcome mindless tasks (as long as I can keep them mindless). This realization might even induce me to have a committed relationship and family?
Another analogy to NASCAR -- pit stops. I will just do nothing for weeks at a time. I used to think this indicated that I was a lazy person, to just take off to some exotic location every six months or so. Now with this NASCAR analogy, I realize that these might be necessary pit stops. It seems odd that it is actually faster to race like mad, then come to a complete stop for several minutes, then repeat. Wouldn't it be faster to just go slower and be easier on tires? Conserve gasoline? I guess not, not at least for NASCAR and it seems plausible that not for me either.
I think my NASCAR life has less to do with me being a sociopath and more to do with me doing high level brain tasks all of the time for my profession. But maybe the sociopath plays into fact that I have never felt guilty shirking work in some tropical location, which has actually been a boon to my productivity over the years -- a personality quirk that has actually given me a competitive advantage amongst my colleagues who are also regularly running their brains at over-capacity to the point of exhaustion. (Or maybe they're not also running their minds to exhaustion but are just smarter than me. If true, maybe my laziness has allowed me to be one of the stupidest people in my career field while still remaining competitive).
First.
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uh oh... ME is mind sick and flailing in her narcissistic traits. poor girl. lol.
ReplyDeleteYou are in luck Anon12:38
ReplyDeleteThere IS a donate button.
HA HA! She's a buddhist-race-car-wolf-in-sheeps-clothing.
ReplyDeleteThemes ---By Request
ReplyDeleteTheme for Medusa
Delete*Apologies to CEO for use of this Band
Awww <3
DeleteThemes, you don't need my approval. Whatever floats your boat, *scratches ass* You're head of the department, your own man.
DeleteThank you, CEO.
DeleteTwitter Tweets:
ReplyDelete"It's not only fashionable to be a sociopath it's also fashionable to be a victim of a sociopath."
Prefer ~ Margaret Thatcher's quote:
"Nothing is more obstinate than a fashionable consensus."
Really cute post...
ReplyDeleteI only wish I could go take a break on some distant tropical island.
i would like examples of the "high-level brain tasks".
ReplyDeleteRacer X, I concur!
Deletesudoku
Deleteha
Deleteha
Delete
Delete"Then most recently we've heard of another benefit: Frequent dancing apparently makes us smarter. A major study added to the growing evidence that stimulating one's mind can ward off Alzheimer's disease and other dementia, much as physical exercise can keep the body fit. Dancing also increases cognitive acuity at all ages. "
Here is a link to the study:
:http://socialdance.stanford.edu/syllabi/smarter.htm
I am not a SP in that I have high levels of empathy, guilt, & consciousness. However, the only ones who can keep up with my mind [ and best me ] are SPs. Are there other non SPs like me who swim with the sharks? Am I just more fun to nibble on, than devour like a juicy steak?
ReplyDeleteZoe.
Deletejust striving for superiority. you're not unique
DeleteDo not care about the perception or rank of superiority. Most can not keep up with me intellectually. That's just reality. i stive for self improvement like a race team tunes its car, or a musician tunes their instrument. I think I need the mental stimulation to avoid boredom/depression,
DeleteThe healthy individual will strive to overcome her inferiority thru involvement with society. She is concerned about the welfare of others as well as herself. She develops good feelings of self worth and self-assurance.
DeleteOn the other hand, some are more concerned with selfishness than with social interest. She may express this selfishness in a need to dominate, to refuse to cooperate, wanting to take and not to give.
From these unhealthy responses, the person develops an inferiority complex. They are different sides of the same coin. The person with the superiority complex has hidden doubts about her abilities. imo
Each of us is born into the world with a sense of inferiority. We start as a weak and helpless child and strive to overcome these deficiences by becoming superior to those around us.
DeleteFreud, Eros, Adler and Thanatos, saw this as the driving force behind all human thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
*Adler, Freud's Eros and Thantos.
Deletei don't strive for self-improvement so dumpstress and i are different in that way. that's like constantly fixing up a car, doing tune ups, and never driving it. i'd rather be driving.
Deleteactually i've taken extreme/advanced driving classes. i guess i strive for adventure and fun!
Lol
DeleteI keep tuned because I do drive. Alot. However, if I see another "car" that seems superior, I don't feel the need to make me better than the other, or take down the other so that I can regain the superiority. I look and admire! Say to myself, "nice, at least they're paying attention too."
Delete"I think my NASCAR life has less to do with me being a sociopath and more to do with me doing high level brain tasks all of the time for my profession."
ReplyDeletethis should be a twitter quote.
p.s: i love you ME, <3, you're so cute.
Deletehe's mine!!
DeleteBeg pardon?
DeleteLOL, good one.
DeleteWhaaaaaa?
ReplyDeletesofa, i replied to your post several days back about doing things for the joy of it.
ReplyDeletedo you ever get so caught up that you forget to eat and wish someone would just feed you or hook you up to an iv? i'm so ocd about getting stuff done. :-(
i need a book to teach me skills of the relaxed slobs.
I didn't see your reply. I do have a few things that are pure joy. Playing music with a sexy guy would be one of them~ Please, tell me what you said because I missed it.
ReplyDeletehere it is:
Deletei guess for me not everything is about connecting with people, having them get me. there is connecting with the rest of the world too. i write and play the piano just for the fun of it, and it's a way of taking what the world throws out all day long and transforming it. just pure expression, not reaching out for connection.
but i would rather be out there, skydiving, driving, doing. which limits the desk time.
i'm actually working on a short book so have to think of who the audience will be. but for anyone who reads it, it will be their own personal adventure. if there is connection well cool, but it's also interesting to see where what you create takes others, which could be on entirely different paths. and if they reflect that back, if they share it, it would be like discovering a piece of yourself you didn't know existed.
or not. :-)
as far as healing and self-improvement that's just not me. i mean i do it if it will help get me to where i want to go. but just for its own sake seems so empty and meaningless, a kind of death wish. if you can get to the point where you can enjoy life you're healed. how you get there...who cares.
and this:
Deleteof course it's always very delicious when there is a connection.
so here is my question to you sofa. what would you do if you were finished with yourself, content, and it felt like the whole world "got you"? what then? wouldn't it be a kind of death?
Deletewhen i start thinking who i want to write for and what i want to say to them the longer i think the smaller the who and the what become until there is no one and nothing left.
see me, see me, see me. i'm special, i'm pretty, i'm clever smart. approve, approve, approve!
is that what it's all about?
NO, my writing is a clear path for me. I think it is one of mirroring, though. I only am verbalizing it because you asked, but it was subconscious or semiconscious.
DeleteWhen I show you who I am and YOU can relate, then *I* take back a part of myself that I cast off. I can't seem to get it back all by myself.
It may go back to the time when people are babies and they are not mirrored. Part of the brain does not develop, properly.
One cannot see oneself if one is not mirrored. This is why I do my writing. I want to see myself. It works lol
It was kind of my discovery, by doing. Then, I had a few precious people like you and Literary Anon and some others encourage me to go on. Then, I started to be able to pull back lost parts of myself.
I love compliments but I know that this will not take me where i want to go. I want to know myself. That is my overarching goal in all I do, really.
I guess people like Alterego and others don't understand me. They think I am wallowing in the past or looking for attention. It takes a maturity that most people do not have to give a hand up to another. I am very thankful for those few people, on here. In turn, I give back to others once I have learned something.
That is my reason for writing, in a nutshell.
What would I do if I was finished with this goal of finding mirroring?
DeleteExactly what I am doing now, but I would have peace.I have found my passion, work wise. I have found my passions, hobby wise. I really like parts of my personality. I hate some other parts, but my main struggle is the walls I have built up NOT to see myself, as I am, with all the selfish, envious, mean,intensely passionate, raging, jealous, petty and hideously ugly parts of myself.
that is the way i feel about compliments, Monica.
DeleteZoe and Monica i do not mean to be Debbie Downer, and I know that I can do that a lot. I just found this interesting:
PISCES [February 19–March 20] "Telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen," says musician and businessman Derek Sivers. Numerous studies demonstrate that when you talk about your great new idea before you actually do it, your brain chemistry does an unexpected thing. It gives you the feeling that you have already accomplished the great new idea—thereby sapping your willpower to make the effort necessary to accomplish it! The moral of the story: Don't entertain people at parties with your fabulous plans. Shut up and get to work.
LOL
DeleteYou got a point ^^
It may go back to the time when people are babies and they are not mirrored. Part of the brain does not develop, properly.
DeleteOne cannot see oneself if one is not mirrored. This is why I do my writing. I want to see myself. It works lol
this is a very good point. i learned i had to mirror, which worked because they mirrored back what i mirrored - if that makes sense. but the writing mirrors you back in a way no other human can.
@sofa
Deletei misunderstood. i assumed you were writing for approval, some kind of external validation. which doesn't go deep. i think sometimes we are saying the same thing differently.
@Debbie
Deletetrue enough. that's why no one knows the story or what it's about. i don't want to use up all the energy and be left with only husks to play with.
but once you're committed it's okay to tell people you're working on it. it can be motivating. i wrote a story for someone last summer and it really helped having a deadline. he couldn't use it in the end but it was fun to just write it, to have him read it and give feedback. the publishing part of it, what happens after it's done, doesn't interest me.
i mean you'll have the people who mindlessly love it and the people who mindlessly hate it, and very little else. the money would be okay, but sort of contaminate the art?
ZoeMarch 7, 2013 at 5:01 PM
Delete@sofa
i misunderstood. i assumed you were writing for approval, some kind of external validation. which doesn't go deep. i think sometimes we are saying the same thing differently.
I do get validation, but if that were all it was, it would be water that went through a sieve and I would be empty, again.
The heart to heart interaction is what heals me, not the "validation" that I am a good writer, but the validation that I am part of the human race and not an aberration.
this is a very good point. i learned i had to mirror, which worked because they mirrored back what i mirrored - if that makes sense. but the writing mirrors you back in a way no other human can.
ReplyDeleteThe writing ALLOWS for humans to mirror me back.
yeah, got that. but even without anyone reading it, it's like mirroring yourself
DeleteYes, the mirroring myself is true and does work, but there is more power when others can relate to what I am saying and say so. Then, the power for me is amped to nuclear.
ReplyDelete