Reading your book "Confessions of a Sociopath" has been a watershed experience for me. It confirms my hopeful suspicion that far from being evil, sociopaths are just different.
Because you don't know me and likely don't get fired up because a self identified empath spews some version of "You're good enough, smart enough, and people like you" I will cut to the chase.
I would like to meet you and converse with you at length, and not just for kicks. I am a writer who is fascinated by this topic and how the so called "dark triad" traits interact within the context of conservative/fundamentalist variations of religion.
I have a theory: Sociopaths may well be society's salvation because they are the ultimate bullshit detectors. I am the granddaughter of a prominent evangelical leader who was the ultimate "cult of personality" figure. He was a supreme narcissist and all of us struggle someone with the sort of "drama of the gifted child" legacy that comes with being a "prop" in the grand myth surrounding the demigod of a Christian patriarchal family. Though I've ben divorced since 2008, I "escaped" this upbringing by marrying the scion of another Christian patriarchy at the age of 20. Suffice it to say I have learned quite a bit about the "complicated" morality of neurotypicals who consider themselves to be morally above reproach.
My entire life has been steeped in the judgments of good and evil that a family culture like this perpetuate, and I have known since I was about 10 that there was something "off" in a different way (different than sociopathic, I mean) about my clan. Specifically - the tendency to scapegoat anyone that questions the moral authority of the system." Questions from observers produce an annihilating rage and motivation to exterminate the one asking the questions after the veneers of patronizing "compassion for the unsaved" get stripped off.
Why do I think you might want to talk to me? Because I have an intimate knowledge of the sort of individuals who want to exterminate "you and your kind."
I am including a link to a column I wrote last year about the importance of not stigmatizing children who are put in the antisocial category (via MRI or by clinical diagnosis) to help you understand that I think our thinking on this topic is very compatible.
But perhaps the most significant reason I want to advocate for the better understanding of sociopathic traits is the fact I am pretty sure someone dear to me is one. And I'll be damned if I let anyone scapegoat her.
While the callous/unemotional side of your described experience does not ring a bell for me, I very much identify with your sensation seeking personality and your Machiavellian way of operating. It's interesting that you link the stronger connection between the right and left hemispheres with both sociopathy and ADD because I have a screaming case of the latter, which I consider to be an asset, not a disability, which is probably why I have no problem with your dispassionate way of viewing the world.
God I hate some of these letters. Does M.E. pick them?
ReplyDeleteThis one is just BS.
im quite confident she does, and i am getting quite bored of them. i feel that i speak for more then just myself when i say that M.E. should start posting interesting things or not post at all
DeleteThese are interesting, it helps to give an insight into how others view us sociopaths and how people understand the book and relate to it. She also did tell you that she does have an ego many times that she likes to fulfill and this is her way of doing it and 'patting herself on the back.' The interest of her posts is entirely subjective and this is her own blog to choose to do with as she wills.
DeleteI agree with the second part, I pretty much understand why M.E. posts this letters, however I'm getting tired of them as well.
DeleteI love these letters. I am reading the book today and it is doing something very special for me. I used to read a book a day for much of my life.However, I go through periods where I don't touch books because I am so addicted to the computer~ I have been in one for a few months until I got this book.
DeleteI am enjoying the simple pleasure of reading, again, which surpasses many more glittery activities.
You could get a tablet or net book and get your internet and books all in one. I read a lot and barely touch hard copy books anymore.
DeleteI like the feel of a book. How are you, Ellicit? :)
DeleteI still love books as well, Monica. Love the smell and feel. Especially really old books. :)
DeleteDoing better in some ways, worse in others, Monica. How are you doing? I rarely read the comments section anymore. When are you coming over to the dark side and rejoining the forum?
Deletenot 1st
ReplyDeleteno game
why bother
on to the next thing
when is M.E. planning on stopping posting? she said she was to be done when the book came out.
ReplyDeleteOne word. REDUNDANT
ReplyDeleteNegative ghost rider. The simple term you were too dense to fabricate is actualy “rhetorical”. I openly acknowledge the fact that I answered my own question in retrospection. The point of my query was due to the fact that since in the time her book has been released, she has continued to post on her forum, and i was enquiring as to what point in the future she planned on stopping, since that is, what she said was to happen.
DeleteI must say you are all correct. It was unavoidable with the genesis of the book. Sociopathy may very well start to become a commodity. Maybe she will eventually become a contestant on th apprentice. Still, for what my opinion is worth( which debatedly is nothing) I'll give her much credit for obvious reasons, but time to move on.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great letter. I wonder who this person is. I just got my book and love the first part I have read and will read the rest today, I suspect, because it is fascinating.
ReplyDeleteEvery bs letter fascinated you. In turn you fascinate me. Marry me.
DeleteWhere do you live?
DeleteJeb stepped into the night and cocked his double-barreled shotgun. He made for quite a valiant figure. Moonlight glinted off the gaudy crucifix which hung cool against his naked chest, nestled snugly between his perspirant manbreasts. The cool evening wind sent his glorious mullet into a flurry of activity, fluttering like the majestic asshair of an ox engaging in a bout of impressive flatulence.
ReplyDeleteThe boards beneath his feet creaked noisily as he stepped from his porch, and his porcine eyes fixed on the moon.
"Time to hunt me some socy-pats."
did you make this up? if so nice descriptive words andy
DeleteI pretty much make everything up.
Deletenice, i approve
DeleteThis is a neurotypical? ME seems to fall for narcissitic supply or this lady's brown-nosing.
ReplyDeleteThis is an ADD PTSD suffering from not just an npd mother but a large npd family/community. This is someone who sees spath as an antidote to npd, someone who is trying to figure herself out.
I've only followed this blog for the past few days. The old, popular posts were interesting. I liked the philosophical arguments. I feel bad for M.E. I think she's mysterious.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think about it, it's not really M.E I feel sorry for. I feel sorry for this innocent village girl I made fall in love with me. Classic case of transference. I want her (the village girl) for the sex. I think she loves me. Or believes she loves me. I'm gonna keep lying to her that I love her as long as I have regular sex.
Of course, that does not necessarily make me a sociopath. It makes me a horny guy.
- CG
It makes you a weak bitch.
DeleteThis is my letter. And I didn't write it to be a suck up. It was just feedback.
DeleteM.E.'s book is a good antidote to the way this personality structure is caricatured in pop culture. It's a great book because it is accessible to the layman who has no education beyond shows like Dexter or Hanibal but is fascinated by evil.
I worry for individuals who are on the socioopathic spectrum who have a flair for the dramatic because while they may experience themselves as powerful in the moment, they act out in a way that paints a bulls eye on them to be scapegoated by the invisible power structures (often headed by very touchy NPD individuals who are hell bent on destroying anyone who isn't a yes man) that pervade all of human experience. My particular background is religious power structures. But they exist in politics, in corporations, and in community social affiliations.
In some ways it's easier to be a sociopath because you report that you are unencumbered by guilt and are less fearful than most people. You have less need for validation if you do not score high in narcissism. But what may be difficult to understand is that the lack of empathy that protects you from feeling unpleasant things also creates a pretty significant blind spot because it is difficult for you to anticipate the level of rage and fear you generate in the general public. In the abstract, this does not present a problem, and likely even amuses you.
In reality, however, you have self identified as a monster and have essentially given those who sit at the top of these power structures the permission to dehumanize you. Why is this a problem? Because the "rules" that you feel do not apply to you in terms of maintaining social relationships now cut both ways. You might feel clever because you have escaped the obligations to conform because of guilt. But the other side of "coming out" as a sociopath is that now the rules that neurotypicals must follow in regards to their own behavior do not apply to you. You are stripped of your right to be treated as a human being because you have been reclassified as an "it."
With the recent advances in brain imaging, it is not unlikely that that state governments will begin legislating the mandatory testing of "at risk" individuals. You can't hide a brain scan, and it will be a mark of Cain that ethically challenged neurotypicals will use to discredit/ruin you should your voice somehow feel like a threat to these invisible power networks
"It makes you a weak bitch."
DeleteWhat makes me weak? The fact that I feel guilty but I'm willing to live with it? Or the fact that I beguile an impressionable girl to sate my needs? She's an adult.
- CG
CG, you're a horrible person. I hope someone breaks your heart one day so you'll know what it feels like. She's going to be very badly hurt when she finds out that you were lying about loving her and were just using her for sex. It's evil. Asshole. Just masturbate or get a hooker.Oh, and the fact that she's an adult makes no difference. You shouldn't use people no matter what their age.
Delete@machiavellianempath
Deletethis was your letter? thats really not the backround id envisioned as being yours. its interesting to learn more about you.
@CG
i see nothing wrong with what your doing as long as your enjoying yourself. learn to ignore the guilt you feel, youll be happier
CG, just buy a blow-up doll. That's all you deserve.
DeleteI won't be ruthless about letting her go when the time comes. You're giving her less credit than she deserves. Who know's she might be the one to leave. Sure, it'll break her heart but she'll get over it, as soon as she finds the next guy. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only guy who can make her happy.
DeleteI'm not lying to her for sake of it. The culture I live in does not support casual arrangements such as friends with benefits, for good reason of course. Anyway, fuck it, this conversation has become boring.
- CG
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteInteresting comment Mach. Since the ones I have known have been pathological liars to a man, how can you know whether they are using this gift or just trying to manipulate the situation for their own benefit - or to bring about somebody's else's downfall? How can you trust them?
ReplyDeleteI will counter with this. How can you trust anyone?
ReplyDeleteIf you have to ask how can you trust anyone, you are possibly a bit sociopathic yourself.
Delete@Machavelliance
DeleteI think a healthy person( whatever the eff that is) trusts but still has a home core to come back to if/when a person betrays them.
I think betrayal is part of life because people are flawed. I was just betrayed by someone to whom I gave a lot. Actually, I had gotten smart enough that I don't usually say anything to people that I don't want repeated. There are some people to whom I violate this but they have proven to be worthy as they seem as loyal as I am.
With this person, I never said anything he could use against me, so when he betrayed me, he had no ammo. It hurt. I can't lie and say it didn't. It was a bad betrayal and he tried to embarrass and humiliate me but I learned lessons about boundaries and how and when to cut people off, which I did with him.
He is trying to come back because I think he realized I was someone he did not want to lose, but it is too late. I don't want someone who has no loyalty.
You observe them over time, a bit like watching a racehorse for form. Its not rocket science.
ReplyDelete@ Snoopy- I am not asking because I am am seeking an answer- it's rhetorical. It's not that I don't believe in trust- I do- and I do it because without trust I couldn't love, even if it scares the shit out of me sometimes. Trust always involves risk. Noone is a sure thing because everyone has secrets, and ultimately the variable of free will is an unknown quantity.
ReplyDeleteI identify myself the way I do (Machiavellian empath) because I do feel- actually way more than I want to sometimes because the hyper rational side of my nature understands that my emotions contaminate my analysis. If you call me sociopathic I don't take that as an insult, but I suspect if you met me in real life you would be sorely disappointed. I lack the capacity for ruthlessness. My analytical nature allows me to kind of understand the way a sociopath thinks, but I guess I'm aware of my own feet of clay in such a way that I am uncomfortable with interfering with another person's path. That's why ruthlessness doesn't work for me- I still hold out hope that if free will can be supported, then anyone is capable of redemption.
I am not on here to try to "redeem" anyone. I'm on here because this is an interesting blog and the responses are thought provoking. I disagree with alot but I like it because it makes me think.
On the contrary, if I met you in real life I would be delighted to discover your lack of ruthlessness. I lament the proliferation of assholes in the world and gravitate towards those I can respect.
DeleteI'm here because I abandoned a psychopath I cared for. I've been trying to make sense of it and haven't really found any answers. I'm not a black and white thinker so 'no contact ever again' seems extreme. I knew who and what he was but I didn't know that dealing with him would deplete me.
Most of the psychopaths who post here seem fairly accepting of their condition but he had the intelligence to know he was missing out. What a life sentence because of childhood neglect. I've been reading for months and there's nothing left to do but finally cut him loose in my mind. I don't do this lightly but I can't get mired in his darkness.
ME, you're not a sociopath and I laughed my ass off at your, "disguise" on Dr Phil.
ReplyDeleteHitler got it wrong. He should have gassed 6 million psychopaths. Not only are you not humans, you're disgusting robots. Die, Die, Die!!
ReplyDelete