My response:Interesting question. I am the world's worst sick person. When I was a teenager, I had a hard-to-diagnose health problem that made me very sick for some time. During that time I lost every single friend I had.
When I am sick, all I can think of is me. Usually I have the energy to keep up appearances, keep the mask on, etc. When I am sick, I simply do not. I typically don't even notice my ill behavior myself. For instance, when I was sick as a teenager, I thought I was handling things remarkably well. I was honestly surprised when all of my friends abandoned me. Since then, nearly every time I am sick, I get into an unprovoked argument with someone. The sickness makes me less patient, more easily annoyed, which I mistakenly attribute to that person being particularly troublesome. Does this ever happen to you? Where you feel nauseous and equate it to being nervous, but really you have the flu? Or you are short tempered and equate it to other people being difficult, when really you have a migraine? This is what happens to me when I am sick.
I think my emotions are so low level that I have gotten used to reading changes in my body as signs of how I may "feel" about something. If my stomach is upset, I figure that I am probably nervous so my adrenaline is up. If I have a fuzzy brain or a headache, I assume that I am tired or overwhelmed. Because I have gotten used to doing this, when I am sick because of a virus and not just sick and tired of something or somebody, I mistakenly believe at first that I am responding to things going on around me. But they are just emotional hallucinations -- my body is tricking my brain into thinking that certain negative things exist, but they don't -- it's all just my brain misinterpreting data.
So I could see how your father might blame you or others for the discomfort he feels. Even if that isn't true, he certainly has much less energy to put on a happy face. What you are getting from him right now is the uninsulated, un-papered over version of him. And you're right that he is probably annoyed that life (and you in some weird way) has betrayed him, failed him by allowing him to become the shadow of the man that he was. But that must be pretty normal for old people with a touch of narcissism, I would imagine.
Emotional hullucinations...
ReplyDeleteI love this analogy.
Special little snow flakes.
ReplyDelete"I think my emotions are so low level that I have gotten used to reading changes in my body as signs of how I may "feel" about something. If my stomach is upset, I figure that I am probably nervous so my adrenaline is up. If I have a fuzzy brain or a headache, I assume that I am tired or overwhelmed. Because I have gotten used to doing this, when I am sick because of a virus and not just sick and tired of something or somebody, I mistakenly believe at first that I am responding to things going on around me. But they are just emotional hallucinations -- my body is tricking my brain into thinking that certain negative things exist, but they don't -- it's all just my brain misinterpreting data."
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of a Wiccan I know who believes every ailment we have is caused by our emotions. I think it's a fairly common belief in that system. "Dis-ease", they say, is caused because something is troubling you.
I think it could be true but to what extent, I'm not sure.
Is ur Wiccan friend a sociopath?
DeleteIs ur Wiccan friend a sociopath?
DeleteWhen I get sick or tired, I want to literally rip people's heads off and sometimes I impulsively overreact to minor things and explode like a bomb around people who care for me. I just chalk it up to being sick, which is true because I'm less tolerant, less likely to care about my appearance and affect. Sucks because then I have to work at it again and I've exposed myself to their doubts about my good naturedness.
ReplyDeleteI believe our daughter has married a sociapath.
ReplyDeleteShe defends him at all cost. He engineers situations to get a reaction from my wife and me, like being angry all of a sudden, then when she comes in he quickly changes and asks whats wrong with us.
To be honest I dont know why Im writing this as nothing has changed for eleven years he never stops. I think its just comforting to know he has a descriptin.
He is all of the above and lots more. Yours, frustrated and sad George. (and Marion)He will probably find this and use it to his own ends. Anyhow I.m past caring. All I would like is the daughter I once knew, back.
I've only been aware of this blog since April 2013. I read the article about
ReplyDeleteM.E. in Psychology Today. That lead me too her book, which lead me to this
site.
When I first began posting, I noticed that there were dozens of back and
forth postings, I believe it's called "forums." I think at the time, there
were more people posting that I would call "sociopaths." I don't know why
people suffering for Asperger's syndrome would be lumped together with
sociopaths. Ted Bundy, for example, would never get to first base with his
victims if he was suffering from Asperger's. The difference between Bundy
and aspergers person is that the Asperger's person chats about how
beautiful women with Hazel colored eyes are, Bundy gets to kiss those eyes shut. My conception of a sociopath is someone who can con, like
some of these sleezy politicans. For the asperger's person the only power
they weld comes from the barrel of a gun.
Any way, once I started posting the "forum" dried up. It didn't consern
me because I never intended to patisipate in the forum. I had no prior
experience communicating in this fashion, all I knew were isolated postings. I thought that some of my "contributions" would be interesting
and they did garner the occasional response. I am an atrocious speller no
doubt and I'm not on the same intellectual level of many on this site.
And now, M.E. has taken an hiatus. Because the site seems to be "dying
on the vine" as someone said, she's either going to pack it all in or
retrench and probably change the requirements it takes to get on the site.
This doesn't surprise me. Whenever I involve myself in anything even
remotely it's kind of like the song from the 1960's "Any Day Now."
I never intended to harm the site. I'm just an oddball empath loser.
The true sociopaths are resilent. There's plenty of fish in the sea
for them to explot. They've probably moved over to "Christian Mingle,"
There's lot's of "fresh meat" there.
Relax. You did not cause anything. You did not change anything.
DeleteYou are NOT that important. Chill. Keep reading. Are you an aspie?
If my stomach is upset, I figure that I am probably nervous so my adrenaline is up.
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting. Never, ever would I associate my stomach with adrenaline. i have to check that. If I am nervous, I usually know why I am. Adrenaline I associate purely with anger, and then I have to move or drive bike to exhaustion. That's a tip I got from actors. Move!
Stomach is an interesting story though, reminds me of my brother, the much loved carmeleon.
The sickness makes me less patient, more easily annoyed, which I mistakenly attribute to that person being particularly troublesome.
That sounds pretty familiar. Can be seen everywhere even if it is no illness but simply a personal imbalance or problem that makes us slightly less patient. And I actually prefer it to the constantly smiling masks. Feels mor human. Patience is not one of my strenghts anyway. I have stopped ages ago to take that stuff personally. But I may well respond and turn my back. I can also live with it if someone else acts that way. Doesn't bother me at all.
And no I am no psychopath. But the association of illness with emotions puzzles me.
When I am ill, I want to be left alone and I make that very clear. Usually I need a lot of sleep.
I love the last paragraph, Brilliant, M.E.
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, I have a hard time telling the difference between being hungry or sad. I might, under certain circumstances, confuse having cold genitals with being scared (even with internet anonymity I am not going into details).
ReplyDeleteIf all the sick sociopath wants is to fight, fight with him. You are comforting the dying in the best way possible, and the emotional burden is probably the same as comforting him in a more normal way.
P.S. I would never post on this website if I were not afraid it would die without random input from people who won’t give you their name.
Anonymous August 1, 2013 at 9:55 AM
ReplyDelete... I have a hard time telling the difference between hungry or sad,
having cold genitals or being scared ...
Me too :(
DeleteMy father was a Socio - the last 10 years of his life, he had pretty much alienated every member of his family with his lies and manipulations. His children were basically there out of obligation, if at all. He had diabetes, heart problems, liver problems (he was an alcoholic)and a host of issues from years of neglecting his health (or was it because he didn't KNOW that all those things were going wrong with him?). Till his last breath, he was trying to play all the nurses in hospice. His illnesses made it hard to keep up his mask for very long and pretty soon the nurses figured him out and would avoid him as much as possible.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, he was a miserable, hateful, lonely man that was surrounded only by those that were paid to look after him, and they did that with great trepidation. When he died, the whole family gave a big sigh of relief. It was finally over. No more hearing his lies. No more dealing with his drinking and philandering. No more digging him out of trouble. No more disappointments. Yep Father's Day that year was a good one for my siblings and me. We were able to enjoy the day without pretending or hoping that some day we would have a "dear old dad".
Ok, I wasn't aware of that: nervousness + adrenaline
ReplyDeleteDoesn't work like that for me. In my case adrenaline is always connected with anger. It needs to be dispelled and the only thing that helps to make it go away is physical action or the opposite absolute relaxation, give it time to fade. It also needs to get away first since ultimately revenge needs a calm mind.
But yes, nervousness depending on the source may rise to anxiety, but that is only a signal that alerts to the fact that it may be better to take precautions. Ultimately both, anger and revenge and nervousness - anxiety need a cool mind.
Bottom line from my own body/mind perception. Nervousness and anxiety are mental signal of danger that signal precautions needs to be taken. Anger is from the darker area of self and experience its deeply bodily one of my strongest emotions, but as a fighting spirit it is ultmately handed over to the mental areas to be dealt with with great care and coolness.
If I would go on I would probably come around to the occasionally thin lines I see between good and evil in your examples of manipulation of people. Are you really exploiting someone that shares a basic level of anger with you, M.E.? Maybe she was only too anxious to do something herself, but I have to look at that example again. It's there with a question mark, but vaguely only.
We are getting closer . . .
ReplyDelete