What I wanted was to find him slumped in his uneasy chair, naked nails on the wall, haircut in his hands, not even a poodle by his side.
I wanted someone who was sorry -- sorry for what he'd done, sorry for what was next, sorry to be stuck in his new, sorry life.
But that's not what I found.
Lance Armstrong is happy. In fact, he looks better at 42 than I've ever seen him, less gaunt in the face, thicker in the chest, bluer in the eyes. I found a man sitting in his den, surrounded by his seven Tour de France chalices, his 3-year-old, Olivia, on his lap, kissing him and laughing.
Really pissed me off.
I came to see ruins, not joy. I came to see a man ruined for lying to me for 14 years -- and letting me pass those lies on to you. Ruined for lying to everybody. And not just lying to the world, but lying angrily, lying recklessly and leaving good people wrecked in his lies.
It wasn't enough he'd been stripped of his seven wins, not enough that, so far, he'd lost half his estimated $120 million fortune to lawsuits, had to sell homes, his jet, lost every single endorsement (another $150 million), his earning capacity, and his association with the very foundation he started and built, Livestrong-- with two more lawsuits to go.
Yet here he was telling me he was "at peace" with it. I didn't want him at peace. I wanted him in pieces.
***
"People are going to call bulls--- on this, but I've never been happier. Never been happier with myself or my family. My kids suffer no bullying at school. Nobody says anything to them. They're doing great. Anna and I are extremely happy and content. It's true."
As I left, I thought about my motives for coming at all.
If a man has suffered the loss of more than half his wealth and 100 percent of his reputation, how much more blood should I want? I felt a little shame in coming at all.
As I come to the end of my sportswriting career, I wonder whether I need to make peace, too. Peace with the athletes who thrilled me, then disgusted me. Pete Rose, Ben Johnson, Mark McGwire, Marion Jones, Tiger Woods, Lance Armstrong. Peace with letting myself be thrilled, and then fooled, time and again. Why carry it as I go? And if Armstrong is over it, why aren't I? "You've got to live life no matter what's going on," Anna says. "Cancer teaches you that. Life isn't going to wait."
So I forgive Lance Armstrong for all the lies, though he's not asking for my forgiveness. And maybe I forgive myself for letting myself be lied to in the first place. And I thank him for the hope he still gives the millions who still believe in him, though I'm not one of them.
I like that the reporter was aware that a lot of his negative feelings were his own pride being hurt because he was duped, but you wonder what did he expect?.The reporter thinks he is somehow special that he would be treated differently than everyone else in the world? (For a better reaction to Lance Armstrong, see Matthew McConaughey.) And maybe part of me has a hard time taking sports seriously, but it also reminds me of this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt "you have been honest with yourself and those around you"? Really? Because I think word on the street is that Eleanor Roosevelt was a closeted gay woman in a sham marriage as someone's beard, which may or may not constitute fraud on the entire American people. But we aren't pissed at her, I guess because she didn't hurt hundreds of other cyclists who would have placed slightly higher than they otherwise did (although, again in weighing pros and cons fashion, Armstrong arguably did more to benefit cycling as a whole by raising awareness and popularizing it than he ever hurt it as a whole or hurt individual cyclists, even in the aggregate.)
Our narcissist reader's thoughts:
When narcissists like Lance stop caring about being admired, they change in a fundamental way.
Before his striving was focused on winning and getting away with it - securing as much admiration as he could. Now he's probably focused on helping his kids, staying on good terms with his wife and managing his investments. That is, more utilitarian concerns. If you offered Lance enough money, he might star in a porn film to benefit cancer victims, because he'd think, "well, my reputation is worth nothing now, but we can turn my celebrity into money for cancer victims, so let's go!"
He is probably still noticeably psychopathic. If Lance thinks, "that was a good day", and you ask him why, it is probably because he ate some nice food, had a big orgasm and made a lot of money in the market. That is, thrilling. He might not remember days as the one where he had a deep emotional conversation with his partner, someone opened a door for him and he felt gratitude or he took a walk and felt wonderment and awe that he is alive, has legs that work, eyes and a mind that sees, etc.
Just another dickhead, who cares.
ReplyDeleteThe late Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes" fame said, "One of the
ReplyDeletestrangest things I've discovered is that when I expose people
as charletons is that their business IMPROVES,"
People DO NOT like to change their "set" opinions on things because of a personality trait known as "commitment and
consistenacy." This is one reason why they stay in unworkable,
even destructive realationships. It's a reason why people get
bowled over in the presence of "famous"-even "infamous" people.
Ah, yes, how do you recover from having been used and lied to... do you start hating the perpetrator and wishing him hell or are you emotionally strong enough to continue liking him, smile at his antics, admire his continued energy and the energy and motivation he spreads around him (even though it is 'fake', at at least not what we call genuine). But what about art? Art is fake. Art is not real life. Art can lift you up, disgust you, scare you, make you forget about the drudgery of life for a while, and can be extremely controversial. Life without art would be dull. The following is a post of mine from a few days back:
ReplyDeleteOur society dwells on the bad sides of sociopathy: sociopaths wreak lives, break hearts and lie pretty much out of habit without a care in the world.
But more crucially, sociopaths know how to endear themselves and earn the trust of normal people. If they were not likeable, they would not be able to leave a trail of destruction. People would not really care about them lying.
It is because they are so endearing (before the mask falls off) that the empaths find it so difficult when they realize the feeling is not, was never reciprocated. They feel hurt, used and abused, stupid, ridiculed. And to make matters worse, they can see that people around them are still enthralled by the sociopath. They feel jealous of the relationship (as hollow or superficial as it is) that the sociopath is able to maintain with other people, after they themselves have been 'discarded'. This can certainly bring suicidal thoughts.
So it is easy to forget all the good sides that made it so easy for the empaths to like the sociopath in the first place. If the mask was off to start with, the feeling of deception that accompanies the revelation that the sociopath never followed the basic social contract (I like you as much as you like me) could potentially be avoided. Then perhaps empaths could find it in their heart to not despise the sociopath and appreciate him for who he truly is: the best personalized stand up actor they will ever meet. I have heard descriptions ranging from human hand grenade to private poet.
Enjoy the sociopath in your life as you would enjoy a movie, a song, a video game, a poem or any other form of art. They provide a departure, transient in most cases, from real/regular life.
OldAndWise
You can post this every day again and again, so we learn from you and take your opinion :)
DeleteTodays story teaches us: socio will win! oh how nice and sweet that feels.
They waste our precious time.
DeleteHaha, you're an idiot if you believe Armstrong has won or that he feels 'happier than ever'. He is miserable through and through and when he takes his happy mask off at night, it is a pitiful sight to behold.
DeleteIf we never wore a mask people would just hate us for some other reason. People fear the unknown. Just a tip: if you have suicidal thoughts because the person you were in a toxic relationship with is with someone else you need a therapist.
DeleteCorrection: if you have suicidal thoughts for any reason, you need a therapist.
DeleteOld and Wise-
Deletethat was beautifully stated.
Since we're doling out tips, here's another one: the person having suicidal thoughts is the person with the sociopath, not the person without.
Deletea thought- have never understood why the end of a relationship with a sociopath often brings suicidal impulses in the partner- not just the abandoned partner but also the partner who does the leaving.
DeleteI actually struggled with those impulses as I was preparing to leave relationship with someone who had many of these traits and it puzzled me why I wanted to die if I knew that it was the relationship that was broken and I would do better without it.
I think it's because after a long term relationship with a cluster B personality and the accompanying understanding that whatever you loved was simply a mask over something very different- you are forced to confront your own broken narcissism. The thrill of having the person you want most to be (your ego) skillfully mirrored back as part of the sociopath's game to bring you under his/her spell makes you question all of the values you hold most dear. When the sociopath disposes of those values as if they were nothing (for him they were simply an act- that is why they do this) it forces you to ask yourself- are these things I consider to be the pillars of my personality so worthless?
Thinking that can send you to a place of despair and suicidal impulses until you realize- the sociopath never understood those things in the first place. They are in no place to pass judgment on the state of your soul because they never truly knew you- the connection felt was simply a construction in both of your minds.
The trick to surviving and thriving is- learn how to be your own mirror. Live in a way that is internally consistent so you can be proud of yourself and don't need the sociopath's approval. Learn that and you can achieve escape velocity from the mind control powers of not just one sociopath, but all of them.
Anon@420am,
DeleteI like the sarcasm contained in your post. I also like the irony: obviously, the post made your anger flare up, so posting it a second time was not a wasted effort!
Let go of the anger.
If you hold on to your anger, the sociopath continues winning way after he is "done" with you.
That is in a nutshell what my post is saying: let go of the anger, learn to laugh at yourself for having been fooled, and laugh at the situation. Learn to appreciate the sociopath for what he is, do not hate him for what he is not and cannot be. The fact that he never liked you has (almost) nothing to do with you. If you have other healthy emotional connections, build on those, do not dwell on what you thought you had with the sociopath.
OldAndWise
I like what you said Mach:
Delete"a thought- have never understood why the end of a relationship with a sociopath often brings suicidal impulses in the partner- not just the abandoned partner but also the partner who does the leaving.
I actually struggled with those impulses as I was preparing to leave relationship with someone who had many of these traits and it puzzled me why I wanted to die if I knew that it was the relationship that was broken and I would do better without it.
I think it's because after a long term relationship with a cluster B personality and the accompanying understanding that whatever you loved was simply a mask over something very different- you are forced to confront your own broken narcissism. The thrill of having the person you want most to be (your ego) skillfully mirrored back as part of the sociopath's game to bring you under his/her spell makes you question all of the values you hold most dear. When the sociopath disposes of those values as if they were nothing (for him they were simply an act- that is why they do this) it forces you to ask yourself- are these things I consider to be the pillars of my personality so worthless?"
I relate to this not because I have been that suicidal person, but because you have put into words the process I go through when befriending a new person in a way I couldn't recognize before. I find and take all the parts of me that can align in any way with them, emphasize them, and present them back to that person in a way that they will approve of. I highlight everything we have in common and present it in a powerful positive light. This makes them feel very good about themselves, and like me a whole lot. I suspect that for more neurotypical people this process naturally happens in those that they are most compatible with. The difference between them and me is that while they have only a few key points to compare themselves on, I have a metaphorical kitchen cabinet of personality spices that I can choose to add or refrain from adding in each dish of interaction. Damn my pretentiousness really comes out when I get into metaphor speak.
The question I have is, is it bad that I do this? I can’t think of examples where this has gone well for the person I interact with. We reach the point where they are fully trusting of me, and want me, and I lose interest. It’s not like I start out with the intention of hurting or deceiving them, it’s just what I do by default. I used to be careless when their disappointment surfaced and was expressed; I believed they had no right to the emotions they were experiencing and didn’t deserve sympathy. Now I find myself wondering if I should take some more care in my interactions so that I can have more stable relationships; people at my age are expected to have those and if I keep sabotaging them it could start to be noticed.
I don't think you need me to answer that. It seems you are thinking it through on your own.
DeleteI will say this- as a woman who has always gotten a fair amount of attention from men I am acutely aware of the fact it's very important not to lead guys on. What you may intend as playful flirtatiousness to the general crowd at a party, a man who is lonely and somewhat socially awkward will think "I've got a shot!" and then there are the weeks of overly sweet emails and the dodged phone calls and then there is the inevitable sadness because someone got their hopes up.
I hate the part of myself that has been careless with mens hearts (even unintentionally). I cringe at memories of my own insecurity being solved by letting men I didn't want to date talk a little too long because I was waiting for the guy I was really interested in to walk through the door.
My insincerities were far less calculated than the sociopaths con- but having been raised as a southern woman I can give grade a narcissistic supply to just about any man... in fact- the sociopathic "charm offensive" is something that resonates in a very uncomfortable way for me. For good or for ill (often ill bc of unintended consequences) I have been at ease with men and recognized early that they like me. I also understood the virgin/whore dichotomy and that a pretty woman has the luxury of dancing close to the line but must guard her reputation fiercely. I did. In the interest of maximizing the attention I got I was far more concerned with the level of desirability I projected than whether men got hurt. I liked being a heartbreaker, although I must admit that it was a very innocent sort of game I was playing. Mostly I was just looking for attention in all the wrong places. I learned to hide my smarts and was a high school cheerleader (groan).
Why on earth would I bring this up? because I think we all go through some of this kind of behavior and we haven't shed our teenage/young adult narcissism. We try on personas because we love making people fall in love with us. We read magazines about how to keep the interest of the opposite sex by "keeping mystery".
Charm is by nature deceptive, but it's not all bad. It can be fun- until it's not. I have often thought that I don't resent what happened to me because it was what was necessary to teach me to always be mindful of the hearts of others.
At their own peril, sociopaths encourage and then abuse love and trust. Usually it ends poorly for the victim, but every now and then a pathological charmer gets an admirer who won't let go. So- for your own safety I'd at least encourage mindfulness about not allowing the overly needy to fall in love with you. I have stories for another day about that...
Sounds like a slightly unpleasant but interesting collection of stories you have, more interesting at least than the few times I've encountered a more needy person, those times were just dramatic and annoying. I've been lucky though, haven't encountered anyone too violent or vindictive yet, though I have feared consequences along those lines. In my current involvements I'm making efforts to inject a little realism in the charm so the person doesn't start feeling like I universally compliment them. It's good to know it's a common experience for people, probably amplified a little in me because I was so bad at interactions for so long, but again, good to know it's sort of normal. Thank you for the input.
DeleteI run into a bit of trouble due to the fact that I find everything interesting and am an attentive listener. I think it gives people the impression that we share common interests, when in reality I'm merely capable of discussing any topic intelligently. It's not feigned interest, it's genuine, just not unique to any topic.
DeletePeople have told me that they felt a 'special connection' with me, and it really catches me off guard. All these interactions seem the same to me. When I am in a relationship, it works out pretty well. I simply adopt the other person's interests as my own primary interests, so we'll always be able to enjoy activities together. Sure the interests aren't 'special' to me in and of themselves, but they become special because of who I'm with.
What's interesting to me about the way people feel post sociopath is the range of reactions. Some never get over it. Some seem barely touched. The only common denominator seems to be surprise, shock sometimes, when the big reveal exposes the sociopath.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of it all, anyone who has felt and then lost a sociopath is forced to face their own narcissism. During the dupe the narcissist mirrors back to you the things that you most want to believe about yourself. When they turn on you there's an emptiness- the target thinks "but you love me because I am all of these wonderful things"- not realizing that what was really happening is that the sociopath guided us to a place of loving ourselves for holding the values we hold deal. Their love and belief in us (or confidence and respect in a professional setting) become inextricably intertwined with our self evaluations. That's why they hold the trump card when they strategically withdraw their support.
What victims must realize is that the reasons they thought they were appreciated (all the things the sociopath mirrored back) really weren't what the sociopath was about after all. It doesn't mean that they weren't true, just that you were never valued for the reasons you thought you were. The discard is clear proof of that.
Where targets get hung up is that they often think they did something to make the sociopath devalue them. No. It's just that the actual agenda had been fulfilled and it was time to move on. Once that happened there was no need to ever mirror back all the things you enjoyed having the sociopath affirm. It doesn't mean that you don't have them- but many targets feel as if they have been stripped of all the wonderful qualities they thought they had been valued for and then turned into a nothing.
It's the being turned into a nothing- an object who was played that is the ultimate assault on a target's narcissism. It's why the end was so devastating. The disgust we feel for a sociopath is accompanied by our new understanding of just how vulnerable we were to being mirrored and affirmed.
In this case, Lance probably made him feel greatness by association and talked to the journalist with a "we're in this together" sort of way that made the journalist feel- I must be cool because Lance likes me. Then the journalist realized- no, he just saw me as a PR mouthpiece. The Lance Armstrong seal of approval for general coolness was never actually extended. And then an emotion like shame descends as that realization fully sinks in.
The target recovers if they stop longing to recapture the feeling that came from the original mirroring process. The capacity to self censor or self validate needs to grow so there's no longer a need for a mirror. Recovery happens when you understand that needing the mirror is your own narcissism. It must be discarded along with the dream that the sociopath can make you whole.
The journalist didn't feel greatness by association or anything like that Mach. Journalists - half-decent ones anyway - are cynics by nature so the guy in this case likely felt he had let down his readers and failed to do his job. He probably felt naive, which indeed he is, if he believes that Armstrong is at peace. The journalist is dealing with shame and the realization that he is not cut out for the job. That's a lot to shoulder.
Delete"The only common denominator seems to be surprise, shock sometimes, when the big reveal exposes the sociopath."
That's true in some cases but often there is no real element of surprise. The sociopath reveals himself over time; he gives brief glimpses into his true nature, otherwise known as letting the mask slip. The person involved with the socio is in denial at first but gradually processes the reality and sees the socio for what he/she is. That's when it's over. Sometimes the socio beats the target to the exit but often, the target is the one to flee.
I'm a journalist/columnist- and I beg to differ. There's always the danger of getting charmed by the subject into writing a puff piece. As for the shock/surprise- the clues are there all along (you are spot on) but the shock is when all the clues come together and a paradigm shift occurs. I think we can agree that the journalist here is mostly mad because he feels like a fool. It's an ego injury and most journalists aspire to be what you've described, but we all have our blind spots.
DeleteIt's the forced paradigm shift that causes the trauma. Even still- as a target who left a sociopath, there is enormous sadness when you come to realize that someone you felt you had a deep connection with was a construction that existed purely to manipulate your ego. Ouch! Talking about making you feel *not* special if you can be known so intimately that a perfect persona could be created- and yet so disposable.
Casual contact with someone who is revealed to be a sociopath generally brings disgust. But long term intimate contact with one brings despair and death of narcissism. The people who survive are those who can manage without a mirror. But even those people struggle with regret over wasting a portion of their life on a mirage.
Realizing I should have posted the above reply here instead of there, apologies
DeleteWhy does it come as not surprise to learn that you are a journalist/ columnist. Your posts are so reasoned and well written. I bet you find it hard to make a living these days in a media dominated by lowest-common-denominator crud. Have you considered writing a book on sociopathy? I bet it would be a great read.
Delete"The people who survive are those who can manage without a mirror."
I'm trying to work out what this means in practice. Why do so many other people effortlessly manage to attract a mate who gets them, thinks they're special, while I get one narcissist after another until I manage to become the most self-sufficient being on the planet. Ok I'm being melodramatic but you get my drift. I'm tired of it all and see myself going solo into the sunset. To realize that my ex was no more attached to me than he is to his housekeeper - and hey, at least she gets paid - is galling to say the least.
Tonight a friend of mine said that he misses my ex. I haven't told him it was essentially an abusive relationship - I figure why burden anyone with that - but part of me wonders if I should be doing my bit to educate decent people about the pitfalls that await if they are gentle and trusting by nature. Is ignorance really bliss?
(I feel the need to pick a name here... what the heck, since I'm all shoes and no demesne, I may as well call myself Carrie Bradshaw. Rest assured I'm less annoying though, and thousands of miles away.)
* no surprise
Deletevery kind, thank you.
DeleteMach, I'm enjoyed your post on the this and other topics. You appear very astute. I like what you said here about mirroring very much. I think it's fair to say that living without the mirror is very hard -- some people I know feel starved for attention to the point of madness without everyday feedback from someone. My advice to them is to go live in the bush for a month, sweat out their insecurities through a little cabin fever. Isolation of the kind I'm talking about and have lived can also break the mirror -- your sex, name and social status mean nada to the trees, sky and mountains. Nobody's there reflect back anything, except you and mother nature. Just try getting a bear to stroke your fragile ego . . . see how much skin's left.
DeleteI believe you're right, if I understand you correctly, that the breaking of the mirror is or can spark a transformation, freeing oneself from caring about what other's think (and the consequent manipulation and bloodletting). In any case, I enjoyed your post and found it thought provoking. Thanks.
I think the reason the reporter has his panties in a bunch is because he expects to see the same emotional roller-coaster ride he's experienced played out by Lance. To the reporter, Lance was a good guy. A cancer survivor, a hero who persevered and showed that with heart and hard work, anything is possible.
ReplyDeleteWhen the whole steroid thing came out, Lance became a bad person. To the people who loved and trusted him as an athlete, there was a transformation. For Lance, though, the only difference is that he had to suffer the consequences of his actions. He didn't much change, he was always a cheater and a farce, and he knew that. Losing hundreds of millions of dollars sucks, but when you've got $100 million back, are you going to sit down and cry about not having 10 houses and 10 yachts? Cheating worked out AMAZINGLY for Armstrong. However much he loses, he won. The advertisers still made money off his endorsements, and they probably made even more for publicly dropping him!
If I had that much money, I wouldn't give a fuck about peoples' opinion of me.
oh my effing god, this is about steroids? I hadn't been following the Armstrong story. Somebody nail that effin psychopath to a cross :P
DeleteDunno why, I think about Camus fictional anti-hero Mersault in the novel the Stranger. A weird murder is involved in the book, but even if this incident is forgotten, surely its a much more potent description of a "passive psycho" than even the famous Ripley novels? Mersault, I forgot all about you until now.
ReplyDeleteLance Armstrong is not a psychopath, at least not by the description in this blog article. He's the winner of it all. Even if he lost absolutely everything, he still has had years of wealth and a life most people could only dream of. I wouldn't only be content if I was him, I'd feel like I was unbeatable and bulletproof. Every time I smiled while admitting my lies would feel like spitting at your vanity and raising myself above you. I understand the guy. He's perfectly normal.
ReplyDeleteIf you say so. Not my idea of a life well lived but each to his own.
DeleteIt's generally accepted that Armstrong is a narcissist, not a psychopath, hence the need to stage manage the meeting with the journo, bonny baby bouncing on his knee and all that guff. Who does he think he's kidding.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the journalist is a fellow con artist paid by Lance to write about how peachy things are in Lanceville these days?
ReplyDeleteThis outrage over doping in sports seems so stupid to me. Why not just let everyone inject themselves with whatever they want, and see who comes out on top?
ReplyDeleteTraining at high altitudes does basically the same thing as transfusions and EPO treatments. It is probably safer because it's a more gradual increase, so your body has time to acclimate and likely produce more blood vessels to accommodate the greater blood thickness.
DeleteIf the concern is for the athlete's health and safety, why not let them make these decisions themselves? There is risk associated with any kind of preparation for a competitive sport. He who takes the greatest risk has the possibility of earning the greatest reward. That holds true in most arenas, so why try to take it out of competitive sports?
Amen Hieronymous Bot! :)
DeleteI second Dr Ginger
DeleteHmmm... I'm not so sure. Why don't we legalize heroin and just get on with it. Some will be more vulnerable to its effects than others but hey it's all about survival of the fittest. I don't want any part in a sport that becomes a fight til death.
DeleteEasy enough to avoid.
DeleteLanceavellian
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I remember this story, and how everyone used to pretend to give a fuck.
ReplyDeleteSo trivial. This is all bullshit and you all know it.
ReplyDeleteHow is this important. ? The benefit of not having a huge emotional range is being able to see through crap like this. I don't care if Armstrong lied, Who here hasn't lied to get ahead ? He found a good system and if you feel "betrayed" by it you need to grow the fuck up. He didn't do it for you, he did it for him.
ReplyDeleteMaybe Eleanor Roosevelt loved her husband, and she liked women too. Maybe she was bisexual. Got a problem with that? That doesn't make her a liar. Research shows that 80% of the population,(if they were honest) would admit to being attracted to the same sex at some time in their lives. We are sexual beings. It's a healthy/ natural part of our humanity. We don't need to turn it into a problem.
ReplyDeleteHello M.E.,
ReplyDeletethe following is unrelated to the article above, and I could've just sent you a private email, but I thought I might as well let others see what I'm thinking too (and who knows, it just might stir up a new hate fest against me if I'm "lucky" - ah, what we won't do for some publicity, ha!).
I stumbled upon a radio interview featuring you and found out that you've had a lot of exposure during the time I've been offline - and writing a successful book, well done.
So I poked around a bit and also found you in a Dr. Phil show. What hit me was that his first reaction was the question your claim of being a 'sociopath' - not overtly, but you no doubt noticed it too - and this is a guy who without the shadow of a doubt have met many sociopaths/psychopaths (which he of course told you)....And yet this instinctive inclination to disbelieve or at least throw doubt on your claim.
As you - and others who comment on your website - knows well I have been targeted with quite a bit of the same disbelief (and outright accusations, but that stems from a different matter which probably only I and the one who caused/started it really knows about), and I used to find it very strange that anyone would doubt a claim to be a psychopath or a sociopath...
I mean, who in their right mind would openly admit to be something that most people find abhorrent, something that is certain to cause many to shun you and even hate you? As a psychopath (or 'sociopath') the answer to that question is obvious, but the very question is aimed at whether you actually ARE a psychopath/sociopath.
I think it must be something in human nature that causes people to react in this way when they first meet someone who do what you and I, and now more and more others, are doing.
The stranger answer would be that to some being a sociopath or a psychopath is something to be worn like a badge of honor. I've never thought of it this way, but since my introduction to the Internet - and the sociopath community in particular - I have learned that we to some people have come to represent a kind of modern day anti-hero, and of course you don't claim such a position unquestioned.
I'll stop here and wish you continued good luck ahead. '^L^,
Internet anonymity allows for coming out while avoiding real life consequences. It becomes a question of "Why not?" Instead of "Why?". Even so, there is enough romanticizing and attention-seeking behavior from non-sociopaths that there are a number of false claims. This is juxtaposed with the fact that actual sociopaths visit/participate on a sociopath's website. Once you combine this with numerous conflicting views and opinions of what sociopathy is, with the need to validate them (and themselves), you get a lot of doubt. Even though statistically speaking it can be confidently assured that there are actual sociopaths visiting.
DeleteAnti-heroism and sociopathy seems bizarre. Anecdotally I would never classify as that, and can not see how with others. Is it because of the romanticism or empowerment that the concept of being one is seen by others? I find it ridiculous, and idiotic to witness. I don't see how that works, or why it exists. Isn't romanticism an obsessive form of love or possession, that overrides rational thought?
Feedback would be appreciated. I am having difficulty comprehending the concept.
ReplyDeleteHow To Stop A Divorce And Save Your Marriage?(Dr.Brave).
Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly email this wonderful man {bravespellcaster@gmail.com},i f you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, Thanks..
I've had enough contact with sociopaths (and being perhaps a borderline, myself) to become very aware of the “mirroring” effect. As with all human “skills,” there are many gradations of how this operates. I once fell into conflict with the second most notorious cult leader in Oregon history. [You may have heard of the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, the most famous Oregon cult leader, an East Indian “new age” mystical bullshit artist and sexual predator.] You never heard of Chris Canfield, and his “eco-village” of Cerro Gordo, a little south of Eugene (home of University of Oregon).
ReplyDeleteThough you never heard of him, Chris Canfield (originally from California and child of a pair of swindlers) stole (through complicated “socially responsible” real estate investments) about a million dollars over a twenty year period. I didn't meet his wife (before my time with him), but probably she was a narcissist who committed suicide as she began to realize Chris' nature. My wife and I were completely fooled by him for about three years. While we were going along with his (phantom) effort to build an “ecological community,” I attended many “planning meetings,” where his deluded followers and his partners in crime (fellow sociopaths who fell into his orbit) engaged in psychic mutual psychic masturbation as they fantasized about the “heaven on earth” commune community they were going to bild. Before I began to actually dig up the facts that Chris was a fraud, I noticed that he was “mirroring” what his deluded flock wanted him to be. In a typical “solo” sociopath predation, the sociopath mirrors what their victim wants. If sex/faux love, they will mirror hobbies, avocations, career goals. If wealth, the 'path will be the flawless investor in the stock market, the perceptive venture capitalist who bankrolls your business, etc.
At the higher level, examples being genocidal dictators such as Hitler and Stalin, or religious cult leaders such as Joseph Smith and L. Ron Hubbard (and I would guess Muhammed and Jesus, but evidence is too scanty to say for sure) the sociopath has to keep many balls in the air. Chris might be talking to a hundred of his followers. They all shared the overall fantasy (ecological community), but each had a slightly different take and interpretation, so Chris had to act like a juggler, keeping everyone's fantasies in the air at the same time, sort of like a “spinning mirror.”
In a very sick way, it was kind of fascinating and impressive. Politicians (whether sociopath or not) have to do something very similar.
People hate to be disillusioned. At the time I was just starting to destroy Cerro Gordo (through legal means), I came into contact with a “real” ecovillage, based in Ithaca, New York. It was part of a international network of “intentional communities,” a fancy name for “communes” as they merged into the fabric of society. Some actually work out, just as some marriages actually work out. I talked to the founder/leader of the Ithaca group, and tried to warn her to steer people away from Chris and Cerro Gordo. She was a legitimate and honest person. She could not believe Chris was a fraud, because like a religious fraud who constantly quotes the Bible, he spouted all the correct rhetoric. She ended up practically screaming at me when I pointed out many lives he had damaged.
'Paths will always find plenty of willing victims, because most of us want to be victimized.