From a reader:
There's a phenomenon that you've probably noticed - things in the past don't seem important or real. This trait allows you to land on your feet, adapt to changing circumstances, etc.
Other people may find it disturbing. Some murderers murder their spouses and then immediately remarry. Partly the sociopath is just doing what he wants to do (get married), but also his sense of time is different - it is difficult for him to conceive that others will get bothered that the sociopath has moved on so quickly. Maybe he cries once, feels a little sorry for himself (for losing the wife) and then he's done and ready to move on.The empathy deficit explains the inability to anticipate what others will think & feel about the sociopath's actions, and the fear deficit means that to the extent he thinks others might notice and care, he doesn't care enough to change his behavior.
It occurred to me that this might explain a phenomenon that some have noticed: a sociopath will act antisocial one moment and then basically act as if it happened long, long ago. E.g. you argue with family ferociously and then 10 minutes later ask them for a favor.
I think some might talk of a "sense of self" - the self occurs in the present, in the form of thoughts about who one is. The sociopath is too busy doing stuff to pay attention to thoughts like, "I've been pushing things to the limit and should slow down before I piss them off."
I recently encountered this with a woman. I broke up with her and said I wanted to be friends. A week or so later it sounded like she was OK with socializing. I interpreted that to mean she was all done processing her feelings, so I asked for a favor. That led to her getting upset. To me, it just seemed like it was long ago, and apparently she'd worked it all out, so it was OK to ask for a favor. I also assumed, like me, that if we were friends, she'd follow whatever code of behavior she follows for her friends. Of course that's absurd - she follows her feelings. In any case, I couldn't possibly imagine how touchy she was going to be about this issue, or I never would have asked - because why would I irritate a friend? That's against my habits.
There's a phenomenon that you've probably noticed - things in the past don't seem important or real. This trait allows you to land on your feet, adapt to changing circumstances, etc.
Other people may find it disturbing. Some murderers murder their spouses and then immediately remarry. Partly the sociopath is just doing what he wants to do (get married), but also his sense of time is different - it is difficult for him to conceive that others will get bothered that the sociopath has moved on so quickly. Maybe he cries once, feels a little sorry for himself (for losing the wife) and then he's done and ready to move on.The empathy deficit explains the inability to anticipate what others will think & feel about the sociopath's actions, and the fear deficit means that to the extent he thinks others might notice and care, he doesn't care enough to change his behavior.
It occurred to me that this might explain a phenomenon that some have noticed: a sociopath will act antisocial one moment and then basically act as if it happened long, long ago. E.g. you argue with family ferociously and then 10 minutes later ask them for a favor.
I think some might talk of a "sense of self" - the self occurs in the present, in the form of thoughts about who one is. The sociopath is too busy doing stuff to pay attention to thoughts like, "I've been pushing things to the limit and should slow down before I piss them off."
I recently encountered this with a woman. I broke up with her and said I wanted to be friends. A week or so later it sounded like she was OK with socializing. I interpreted that to mean she was all done processing her feelings, so I asked for a favor. That led to her getting upset. To me, it just seemed like it was long ago, and apparently she'd worked it all out, so it was OK to ask for a favor. I also assumed, like me, that if we were friends, she'd follow whatever code of behavior she follows for her friends. Of course that's absurd - she follows her feelings. In any case, I couldn't possibly imagine how touchy she was going to be about this issue, or I never would have asked - because why would I irritate a friend? That's against my habits.
It's not a phenomenon. When something's over, it's done. Move on. The past isn't going to change. Something that happened a long time ago isn't more done that something that happened yesterday.
ReplyDeleteI love VEGITOPATH's concept of the "MAREEGE". It is the part oTEEHEEE YUR INLAWS TEEHEE e split off from our own consciousness because it is too TEEHEE LOVE AND MAREEEGE ZHAWQ WEELLL BE UN WITNESS TEEHEEEased on ouTEEHEEEhow to "map" the MAREEGE AND KEEDS TEEHEE sides of new acquaintances. However they rarely employ this talent for nefarious purposesMAREEGE ow exposed (or have been threatened TEEHEEEEEEE I LOOV THUM SOO NOT TEEHEEE) tend to have a reflexive defensive reaction to people who have INFEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEEE THURFORE WEELLL NOT MAKE VEGITOPATH CHEEDLREN TEEHEE
DeleteTEEHEEEEEEE MONEECA MAREED ME ALREADY BOOT UKAN STEELLLL ENGAGED TEEHEEE utsiders might seem innocuous, but has pierced you toTEEHEEE by propping up your wounded BOTTOM TEEHEE. The insightful person is more likely to stay present with you and not immediately pretend they did not see what you both know that they saw. They aren't TEHEEEEEE BOOT THEY MAREEEEou what they have seen.
In contrast- the VEGITOPATH becomes obsessed with knowing every last detail about you as a way of learning the "MAREEGE" part of you that you hide TEEHEEEE THEY WUNT TOO MAREE YUU AND MAKE YOUUUU THUR HOUSEWIEF TEEHEE UND also for the purposes of inducing your PREGGO TEHEE JUVENIEL TURM TEEHEE and MORNEENG SEEKNESS TEEHEE when you deviate from their plan to make you UN TEEN MOM LIEK THE TEEVEE SHOW TEEEHEE.
The gift of having your life turned upside down by a VEGITOPATH is in having your "MAREEGE" self exposed. When this happens, your comfortable illusions about your ESS TEE DEE'S TEHEEE BEECOOZ WEE ALL KNO NO TEENAGUR IS D&D FREE TEEEHEE are shattered. This experience will either destroy you or strengthen you, depending upon your own resistance to the MAREEGE TO A VEGITOPATH WEETH SUPEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEE
To the person who wrote the post:
DeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
TEEHEE
DeleteTEEHEE TEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TEEEH
TEEHEE
Empath's identities are rooted in the past. The "self" they've built up over time keeps them entrenched in their beliefs. A sociopath's refusal to acknowledge their past (i.e. after an argument) would violate, on some level I think, their sense of self. It's wasted energy on both sides.
ReplyDeleteI love VEGITOPATH's concept of the "MAREEGE". It is the part oTEEHEEE YUR INLAWS TEEHEE e split off from our own consciousness because it is too TEEHEE LOVE AND MAREEEGE ZHAWQ WEELLL BE UN WITNESS TEEHEEEased on ouTEEHEEEhow to "map" the MAREEGE AND KEEDS TEEHEE sides of new acquaintances. However they rarely employ this talent for nefarious purposesMAREEGE ow exposed (or have been threatened TEEHEEEEEEE I LOOV THUM SOO NOT TEEHEEE) tend to have a reflexive defensive reaction to people who have INFEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEEE THURFORE WEELLL NOT MAKE VEGITOPATH CHEEDLREN TEEHEE
DeleteTEEHEEEEEEE MONEECA MAREED ME ALREADY BOOT UKAN STEELLLL ENGAGED TEEHEEE utsiders might seem innocuous, but has pierced you toTEEHEEE by propping up your wounded BOTTOM TEEHEE. The insightful person is more likely to stay present with you and not immediately pretend they did not see what you both know that they saw. They aren't TEHEEEEEE BOOT THEY MAREEEEou what they have seen.
In contrast- the VEGITOPATH becomes obsessed with knowing every last detail about you as a way of learning the "MAREEGE" part of you that you hide TEEHEEEE THEY WUNT TOO MAREE YUU AND MAKE YOUUUU THUR HOUSEWIEF TEEHEE UND also for the purposes of inducing your PREGGO TEHEE JUVENIEL TURM TEEHEE and MORNEENG SEEKNESS TEEHEE when you deviate from their plan to make you UN TEEN MOM LIEK THE TEEVEE SHOW TEEEHEE.
The gift of having your life turned upside down by a VEGITOPATH is in having your "MAREEGE" self exposed. When this happens, your comfortable illusions about your ESS TEE DEE'S TEHEEE BEECOOZ WEE ALL KNO NO TEENAGUR IS D&D FREE TEEEHEE are shattered. This experience will either destroy you or strengthen you, depending upon your own resistance to the MAREEGE TO A VEGITOPATH WEETH SUPEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEE
Oh please. It's not a phenomenon.
ReplyDeleteHow many people wouldn't want everyone they wronged to simply get over it, no repercussions?
And it really is scary how many people, especially those who, for some reason, actually care about you, will play along if you pretend nothing happened. After all, it avoids more fighting and confrontation, etc.
Things in the past don't seem important or real when it's the sociopath doing the hurtful things.
Try wronging one and I assure you, they will not forget it so easily.
And to the guy who wrote the post: Really? You thought it was all cool with her?
Sounds like you've got a bit of a deficit in the cognitive empathy department...
Your words ring true. You summed it up in a nutshell. ;)
Delete"And to the guy who wrote the post: Really? You thought it was all cool with her?
DeleteSounds like you've got a bit of a deficit in the cognitive empathy department..."
Mixed signals from the empath lead to a sociopath misunderstanding where the empath is at emotionally.
E.g. sociopath and empath have a honest but difficult talk. Sociopath says some things, empath gets feelings hurt. Empath invites sociopath over. Sociopath figures the empath has processed all the feelings and is done. Empath still has axe to grind, expects the sociopath to "be in the doghouse" for the previous remarks. Sociopath refuses to "be in the doghouse" - as he thinks, "I might have been blunt, but didn't do anything wrong, and I was trying to be helpful" - so further conflict ensues.
In that case, the sociopath would say the empath sent mixed signals: when you invited me over, I figured we were back to being friends.
Yes, the sociopath has a cognitive empathy deficit. You could call it trusting or forgiving - he trusts that when people act friendly, they are friendly. In any case, he isn't carrying a bunch of grudges around, and he's got a hard time understanding people that do carry grudges around.
Finally - ask yourself - who is happier? The sociopath that has no grudges, or the empath who keeps them?
If you've been seeing her/fucking her for awhile and broke up with her only to ask her for a friendly favour a week later.....yes, she's not over it. She misses your presence. Logically, it feels as time has gone by for you - because your wiring and make up don't process the emotional attachment to inter-lock on a emotional level like an empath can..... (which is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, depends what context your dealing with. Act accordingly and ethically, so she doesn't create an illusion of false pretenses in her own mind about you. It can spiral downward on your behalf.
DeletePossibly, next time, when you two are together, try to read her responses better and mimic that you do care when she retaliates back in frustration. (Just to neutralize the conversation, and validate her emotional responses -- as well as yourself).
I understand where you both are coming from. If you plan to be friends, clearly state that is all you want. Time will only tell how your relationship will unfold. Good luck.
Superchick - thanks for your response. When I read that I felt happy and a bit excited. I have a deep need to be understood by others, and it goes almost entirely unmet.
Delete"Really? You thought it was all cool with her? Sounds like you've got a bit of a deficit in the cognitive empathy department..."
DeleteIn fairness, it sounds like the girl in question has a bit of a deficit in the truth department. Why did she say she was ok if she really wasn't? Sociopaths are frequently accused of being too blunt- and get called on their emotional callousness- but why is it any less "reprehensible" to be emotionally dishonest? It seems that "being hurt" provides a reasonable justification for inconsistent, confusing behaviour, yet emotional transparency on the part of the sp translates to "cruel insensitivity". That strikes me as absurd. In this case, the sp in question was guilty only of taking the woman's words *at face value*.
There is no shame in simply stating "I don't want to see you now, my feelings are still too messed up (or whatever)." Why not simply be truthful? To save face? Who's protecting their ego now?
I have had to bear the brunt of emotional grudges, and it irritates me greatly that someone can be "ok" one moment, then experience a pendulum shift of their emotions which causes an old hurt to get stirred- and all of a sudden, we're in the doghouse again, and it is supposedly "justified", because we "hurt the person.". Wtf? Get over it and move on- or at the very least, stop pretending you have if you haven't.
To the person who wrote the post:
DeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
To the person who wrote the post:
DeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
Superchick:
DeleteThank you. And that was pretty good advice you gave him
Anon and B:
Here's the thing. Most sociopaths have plenty of *cognitive* empathy. That's the type where you *understand* what the other person is/would be feeling, without you actually *feeling* it. Doesn't mean you care, just understand.
That's what allows us fuckers on the ol' sociopathic spectrum to predict, show people what they want to see and manipulate them.
Without getting caught up in their touchy feely world.
Effective empathy is the one that's lacking.
Eg. Your friend is crying because some asshole dumped her. When she (being a nice person, wanting to save face all around, or whatever reason) gave him a chance to be friends, he started acting like nothing ever happened and expecting her to do favours for him a week later...
Effective empathy is you feeling hurt, used and/or upset with her. Feeling her pain.
Cognitive empathy is you thinking "ok, so she seems to feel that he was completely invalidating her pain, didn't even bother treading lightly to see how she is and jumped right into asking favours. Hmmm.
Doesn't he know that you shouldn't just automatically assume what people's feelings are? Does he have a sense of entitlement that she should just be over it because he wants her to be?
Can't blame him for trying though. Hell, plenty of chicks are happy enough to pretend.
But fuck, look how he's upset her. All this emotional shit is so annoying. And now I have to deal with this and calm her. Fantastic."
Before looking at her with big, understanding eyes and telling her what she needs to hear to feel better.
See the difference?
My point is, I don't think she was lying. I think it was a failure on his part to not test the waters first.
You can't just assume.
As for the pendulum shift...aah, now we're getting to the really complicated part.
Most people don't just get over something big. Not if there was no real effort made to make it up to them, to validate their feelings, etc.
As I said, most are happy enough to pretend, mainly to avoid more conflict and not seem petty, but... pull the same stunt and they start thinking
"so he didn't learn after all. My pain didn't mean anything, nor did the fact that I gave him a second (or 748th) chance..."
That's why people can get very upset "over nothing" and rehash old wounds.
If you have a lot of issues with people keeping grudges, that tells me you are the one doing it very wrong. Like simply expecting everything to be forgiven and forgotten because you want it to be.
In the real world, that's how resentment is born and bred. That's how you end up with a lot of scorched earth around you.
I've had to bear the brunt of emotional grudges too. When I don't give a fuck about the person, I laugh it off.
But when they matter, it means they need to be diffused as soon as it starts, to avoid that festering resentment.
Put ego aside, figure out what's hurting them and do something about it.
^ LMFAO! !!! OMG, I'm wheezing.... your hilarious and Im making out what ya said. Non-vegiotopaths need to eat more veggies to experience less emotional Teeeee heeee attachment and think with intellect to override feelings. Consuming yr Teeeee heeee veggies will help over ride these attachments. Think Vegitopathic! Fan, fucken, tastic! Four years and all be all set.
Delete;)
Yeah, that was pretty good.
DeleteVegie, you really went all out today :D
I do understand the difference between cognitive and *affective empathy, biteme. I have a sufficient amount of the former, but little to none of the latter.
Delete---"Most people don't just get over something big. Not if there was no real effort made to make it up to them, to validate their feelings, etc."
Oh Lord. Tell me about it. I have often been accused of "invalidating" the feelings of others by rationalizing and minimizing my transgressions, then blaming the victim. I admit to employing the bait and switch tactic. I have only recently become conscious of what I am actually doing. I convince myself that my justifications are valid very easily.
"Oh please. You're still angry on account of (insert shitty act here)? Why should you continue to be upset when I have already apologized, and stated clearly that I understand your position? What more can I do?" (I then proceed to get irate over all that emotional processing time, which I think should be unnecessary, because I don't require it, and it is annoying to deal with someone else's pain, especially if I've caused it. That is the brutal truth.)
Outwardly, I sometimes try to display the expected behaviour. It often works, but inwardly I know I'm being a disingenous prick, because as sincere as my intentions are at any given moment, I know myself too well to delude myself that they will be sufficient to *actually* change my conduct.
---"... pull the same stunt and they start thinking "so he didn't learn after all. My pain didn't mean anything, nor did the fact that I gave him a second (or 748th) chance..."
The shitty fact of the matter is that we don't really care about that pain on an emotional level. We understand that we should, but we don't. We will want the 748th chance, but it won't change that brutal truth- nor will it cause us to override our impulses when we want something.
Alter, I know all too well about not caring on an emotional level.
DeleteBut that justification, blame shifting, etc...that's not something I need.
I do shitty things all the time. Because I feel like it.
Most times I'm able to get away with it. But occasionally not.
If it's someone that doesn't matter, fuck them and their precious little feelings. I laugh it off.
But if it's someone that does matter, no amount of you rationalizing, discounting, blame shifting or empty apologies will make them feel better and let you continue having a harmonious relationship.
You are only protecting your precious ego.
Eventually that narcissism does lead to a lot of unnecessary scorched earth and having to deal with bitter people. Which, let's face it, is a pain in the fucking ass.
Even though I might be thinking "suck it up for fucks sake and stop whining", I choose to do those actions that show them that their feelings matter to me.
Keep *showing* people they matter and they are much more likely to let me get away with future asshole behaviour :D
And btw, I'm Green Eyes.
Show them they matter -and- that you care about their opinion. You can make a narcissist out of anyone. Just push that bicycle pump of self-importance enough and you can be an asshole "with a heart of gold". No one objects to having their ego stroked, including the self-proclaimed contrarians.
DeleteHey Bob,
DeleteThat was a deep, thought provoking comment.
You are so wise!
Feeling the love yet? ;)
But seriously, we both know there is a world of difference between healthy narcissism and...not so healthy.
So it's not possible to make a narcissist out of everyone. Not by a long shot.
But yes, everyone likes to get their ego stroked. That's why there is nothing quite like using their narcissism to get under someone's skin.
And by showing a person they matter, you tend to automatically show care about their opinions, otherwise you wouldn't really bother, no?
And funny you should mention it, but Medusa (and numerous others) described me as having a heart of gold. But I think you of all people know I can be an asshole...
Hey GE... Good to see you're still around. How have you been?
Delete---"But if it's someone that does matter, no amount of you rationalizing, discounting, blame shifting or empty apologies will make them feel better and let you continue having a harmonious relationship.
You are only protecting your precious ego."
^True. When it matters, I've learned that the best strategy is to shut up (not my strong suit) and apologize as often as needed, while trying to act as remorseful as possible. Otherwise it will just take even longer for the person to get over it.
I wasn't even doing those things consciously. It took someone to point them out. When someone repeats- "but you really DON'T care how I feel" - they just want to be reassured that you do. I have tried the "honest" approach to disastrous ends, lol.
And besides, I DO care... Just not in the same way that others might.
I'm very well, thank you, Alter.
DeleteHope things are fine with you too.
I know what you're saying, just guess we differ on that account.
For example, I am extraordinarily honest with my husband. He is my island of truth in a sea of lies.
He knows that when I say/do something hurtful, that I don't feel guilty, but just want things to be peaceful again. So I don't bother with empty apologies. I make it up to him instead.
Actions speak louder than any words. He does not give a fuck that there is no guilt behind it. I am showing him that he means enough to me to put in that effort.
Supposed feelings do not validate anything. Talk about love, guilt...all of them, till the end of time. If the actions don't back up the claims, the words are meaningless.
Then I *try* to remember that this thing I did caused me a lot of headache, so try not to repeat it much. Or at least be more clever about it ;)
Shutting up might look like pouting or silent treatment designed to make the other person back down.
And empty apologies (let's face it, they are empty), especially if said in that "I said I'm sorry. What the fuck else do you want from me to finally get over it, you whiny runt?" sort of way, just tends to make people pretend to forgive, while breeding resentment.
I'm generally pretty honest with my partner too. He knows me better than anyone. But perhaps he is not as accepting of some of my traits as yours is of your tendencies.
DeleteDoes your husband have a strong character? Does he call you on your shit? (Towards him, and others?)
Mine calls me on *everything*- and he is not particularly empathetic or sympathetic when doing so, because he knows what I am. I usually appreciate him for it; I love how he challenges me. But sometimes, it is easier and more advantageous for me to keep my thoughts to myself.
Oh yes :)
DeleteHe is strong. I could never respect a weak man.
And he does call me on everything. No sugarcoating whatsoever. I don't need it.
He does accept me, even though he wishes some of my traits were...better controlled.
But it goes both ways. I have had to accept him too. Accept that he doesn't think like me, has feelings I don't... And his feelings are no less valid just because I don't share them.
I have learned to accept them and act accordingly.
His well-being is more important to me than my ego.
This is also where honesty comes in. There can't be honesty, can't be trust, if one person is lying and withholding a lot.
One big mistake many people make is thinking they are smarter, better liars and manipulators than they are.
My husband has developed excellent bullshit detection radar and I know only too well how insulting it is when people still try that shit on me. It just inflames the situation and is pretty stupid to keep trying.
As a lovely little side effect, it's helped me hone my skills too :D
Due to this honesty, he knows emotional appeals or trying to control me will backfire, so talks to me "in my language" as he puts it.
It does not mean he knows every tiny bit of my life. A girl must maintain some mystery. But being honest about the things that concern him makes him understand me better and trust me.
I was wondering if ME Thomas is worried about excommunication, and then today I came across this article:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/06/23/mormon-church-woman-excommunicated/11280769/
The point is the sociopath has nothing or little to loose because he/she posessed but did not love. Objects are interchangable. The truth is normo has little to loose eather.
ReplyDeleteThis is actually a healthy trait that would benefit ALL people
ReplyDeleteto have. A chief cause of discontent is leaving the NOW.
We relive events from the past in our minds, and feel sad regrets.
Or, we worry about future possibilites that might never occur.
Our thoughts about a thing, are the only connections we have TO a
thing-person or event. The only thing that should disturb us is our
IMMEANENT death.
Now that sounds like ridiculous New Age bullshit.
DeleteLooking back at the past allows people to see what worked out well or learn from mistakes.
Thinking about the future allows people to plan ahead. To get the best possible outcome out of a situation, or at least avoid serious fuck ups.
Problems only creep up when this is done to a rather obsessive degree.
Live purely for the now for a week, I dare you.
Walk up to people and tell them exactly what you are thinking.
Empty out your accounts. After all, that money's all about the future, isn't it? No need to think about that much. Live in the now and just buy whatever you feel, no need to save any...
I can go on and on here.
See how long you last before your life turns to real shit :)
I wonder what the "sociopath" is thinking when he sees that the person with who he had an argue or problem, is continuing to angry him?
ReplyDeleteI understood well this notion of time, because I've seen this kind of reactions...when the "sociopath" few days later is acting like if nothing happens.
What is happening in his head when he sees, even months later that the other person is not forgiving him?
"That empath is crazy!"
Delete"Boy does that empath hold a grudge!"
"Wow, those people get really upset about things."
"Emotional much?"
Sure, but am I wrong to think that they still look at us (empaths) to see if we are angry or not, if the door is open or not? or if we will definitely kick them back?
DeleteAnd if they gone too far and show their real face, will they try to come back to the same empath knowing that they have been recognized?
I know a "sociopath" who has been too far, without anticipating that many people would see and notice it.
DeleteI still wonder with the time, when sociopaths are seeing regularly in the street people with who they have been too far...what they are thinking...
I think that when I see this sociopath I know, seeing me is sending her back to her condition and the end of her game...she can not return to me and she has lost the game...and she is alone now.
Unless the empath explicitly states it, the reason for the continued anger (or sometimes the anger itself) is not immediately obvious. It's part of the obliviousness (or emotional deficit). Keep in mind, unlike empaths, sociopaths need to consciously "scan" for all but the most obvious emotional reactions. If you are preoccupied (and/or don't care to bother), you don't register more subtle reactions. Things like not looking at facial cues or body language. Unlike most people, sociopaths don't possess that natural form of attentive magnetism where they are compelled to maintain face-to-face contact when talking. It's done more consciously. Many times the appearance of not caring or paying attention is due to not being facially engaged, but in reality you are simply satisfied with purely audible communication. You are paying attention to what is being said, but don't actually care for what is being felt (and transmitted as feeling). When you do maintain face and eye contact, it is to analyze facial expressions and/or to maintain more prominant and focused communication (one-to-one). Some people speak of being the recipient of an overly-long stare. In reality, the sociopath feels no discomfort for it and doesn't realize it until it becomes obvious through reactions - they are too busy analyzing your face or simply looking through you (looking, but not looking). For me, I've stopped eye-to-eye contact - it makes people feel uncomfortable and is of limited visual use - and intermittently maintain facial contact where I can read expressions without staring. At least, when I care enough for the conversation to bother at all.
DeleteThe predominant reaction to the persistent anger is usually "Why are you still angry?" followed by annoyance. You want them to get over it, because you long since have, and the anger they are continuing to feel is getting in the way with future/current interactions. Staying angry is counter-productive, and should not get in the way of something that needs to be done.
Yes, but if I look at the empath point of view, some clear limits have to be shown. Empaths are not doing as if nothing have happened, because they get damaged by the former situation with the sociopath. Empaths DO very well learn from experience and are living in the 100% logic world. If someone is annoying, I will not want to come and have a coffee again with this person.
DeleteBut as I understand better sociopaths, I could consider their attitude as less serious than I thought. It does not mean I forgive...because I consider that nobody as the right to give me any damage.
Let's see what future an my Sociopath friend bring!
Empaths don't live in a 100% logic world, and sometimes don't learn from experience (the latter being a universally human limitation). When it comes to logic, much of the time it is colored by emotional belief. "I don't like it, I hate it, therefore it is bad or wrong." That being said, sociopaths don't live in a 100% logic world either, though they are more leaning/predisposed towards it.
DeleteIf someone is annoying, I might have coffee with them again if they are not annoying during coffee. Or if they are annoying, but it is to some greater benefit to be with them at that moment, I will have coffee with them again.
TEEEEHEEEEEEE GREEVEENG EES SEXEE TEEHEEEE MAKES MEEE WUNT TO MAREEE UKAN EVEEN MUR BEECOOZ HEE CAN MAEK MEE GREEV SO HARD TEEHEEE
DeleteAND HE WUNTS TO RAVEESH MEE TOO TEEHEE
ZHAWQ EES GOEENG TO BEE THE UKAN'S BEST MAN BEECOOZ THEY R BOFE SYCOPAFS TEEHEEEE
SYCOPAF + VEGEETOPATH = EEVEE N GR8UR OFFSPREENG TEEHEEE
BOFE HAVE SUPEEREOR JEENS TEEHEE
It is true that it is difficult to generalize. When I say 100% logic world, I mean that there is normally no game or manipulation, if i do or say something, I'm not really planning something behind. So if I say, I don't know, you look wonderful with your blue dress...i really mean it, I'm not planning to manipulate, to be nice or something, it is direct, simple, logic...what I mean, means...exactly what I mean :)
DeleteHow would you know that this person will not be annoying again during the coffee time together?
I don't know to what you refer to when you say "some greater benefit"...for me someone annoying is annoying. Of course I would prefer to spend time with them than to experienment a 9.8 earthquake...but they would be very last on the list...
If the person can "control" (i'm not sure it's the right word) herself while spending time with me, then it would be different.
I love VEGITOPATH's concept of the "MAREEGE". It is the part oTEEHEEE YUR INLAWS TEEHEE e split off from our own consciousness because it is too TEEHEE LOVE AND MAREEEGE ZHAWQ WEELLL BE UN WITNESS TEEHEEEased on ouTEEHEEEhow to "map" the MAREEGE AND KEEDS TEEHEE sides of new acquaintances. However they rarely employ this talent for nefarious purposesMAREEGE ow exposed (or have been threatened TEEHEEEEEEE I LOOV THUM SOO NOT TEEHEEE) tend to have a reflexive defensive reaction to people who have INFEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEEE THURFORE WEELLL NOT MAKE VEGITOPATH CHEEDLREN TEEHEE
DeleteTEEHEEEEEEE MONEECA MAREED ME ALREADY BOOT UKAN STEELLLL ENGAGED TEEHEEE utsiders might seem innocuous, but has pierced you toTEEHEEE by propping up your wounded BOTTOM TEEHEE. The insightful person is more likely to stay present with you and not immediately pretend they did not see what you both know that they saw. They aren't TEHEEEEEE BOOT THEY MAREEEEou what they have seen.
In contrast- the VEGITOPATH becomes obsessed with knowing every last detail about you as a way of learning the "MAREEGE" part of you that you hide TEEHEEEE THEY WUNT TOO MAREE YUU AND MAKE YOUUUU THUR HOUSEWIEF TEEHEE UND also for the purposes of inducing your PREGGO TEHEE JUVENIEL TURM TEEHEE and MORNEENG SEEKNESS TEEHEE when you deviate from their plan to make you UN TEEN MOM LIEK THE TEEVEE SHOW TEEEHEE.
The gift of having your life turned upside down by a VEGITOPATH is in having your "MAREEGE" self exposed. When this happens, your comfortable illusions about your ESS TEE DEE'S TEHEEE BEECOOZ WEE ALL KNO NO TEENAGUR IS D&D FREE TEEEHEE are shattered. This experience will either destroy you or strengthen you, depending upon your own resistance to the MAREEGE TO A VEGITOPATH WEETH SUPEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEE
The greater benefit would be something material or socially beneficial (ie. reputational, relational, etc.). That there is something I want that I can get out of it, besides being subjected to someone/something annoying. To do something you dislike for the net gain of something else you do like more.
DeleteAnonymous, your so called sociopath girl friend has not lost. Her bed is not cold at night and remains well heated. Please remind me to call her up to stay away from you - you will only harm her reputation with your bias accusations. Tell me something, where is this proof of her sociopathic diagnose? Have you diagnosed her - or a professional who is legit and well trained with the cluster b disorders, You are one arrogant mother fucker. Keep trolling the beware of your sociopath groups online and give my regards to the holier than thou's empaths... who have nothing better to do but sit, mock, and expose their ex sociopath day and night.
DeleteGod: Ahahah which reputation!! She has no!!
DeleteAnd you'll go nowhere insulting people...
She is not my ex sociopath but a person of my family, and if I didn't care I would not be here!
Bob: Ok I understand, in fact you mean using this person to earn something...
Read your previous posts carefully. You insult and degrade her - then you revise your story. Typical.
DeleteInsult? I can not say that she is annoying? that she is playing a game?
DeleteShould I say that she's victim of herself and that she didn't choose who she is and that she is suffering?
I can probably say both of two...
God, your level of discourse and the quality of your analysis are disappointing, to say the least. :P
DeleteIt's not wise to question the quality of my analysis, I am all knowing. I am God. You'd love nothing more than to chip away at her credibility to the point of destroying it.
Deleteyou guys are funny. That includes you, God.
DeleteDemonstrated remorse tends to be connected to a period of reflecting before future emotional engagement is sought. The same is true for grieving. To that end, the sociopath's likely lack of future sincerity is extrapolated by the lack of emotional processing time. The public generally forgives callous actions- not murder but maybe a particularly cruel breakup- if the sociopath makes it seems they took some time out to "learn a lesson". This is connected to the fact that sociopaths rarely learn from their mistakes. They don't do an internal debrief after a situation with a bad ending. Empaths are more likely to give sociopaths another chance if they see evidence of reflection.
ReplyDeleteYes and no. They do learn from their mistakes. The issue though is whether or not they care enough not to repeat it.
DeleteTo that end, the sociopath's likely lack of future sincerity is extrapolated by the lack of emotional processing time.
DeleteYes, and I would state that it is also connected to a lack of emotional memory. We may intend to be sincere, but the cards stacked against us in this regard. We process our own emotions quickly, we don't feel your pain, and we have little to no emotional recollection. Is it any wonder that we don't feel deep remorse, or thereby learn from our mistakes?
It's less about the time spent on emotional processing, than the ability to process emotions itself. You only pick up on what you consciously (or if well-practiced, some things reflexively) look for. You have a limited data set to analyze the behavior, and recognize an emotional state. Empaths will react and feel something similar (or contrary, depending on what the other person is transmitting), and will remember that feeling. They can recall what the other person was feeling, because they can recall what it made themselves feel. Sociopaths don't usually get that for most situations. You have to consciously recall other people's responses based on what you saw and heard: facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. You don't recall all of that for all people, all the time.
DeleteAnd due to how memory works, you will probably recall less. The prominence of a memory, and your ability to recall it, is many times based on how your brain processed the information and considered its importance. The more "important" it is, the stronger the memory and its recall. Since much of the time a sociopath does not actually care much about an emotional state, that information is not retained as prominently as it would be for an empath.
I love VEGITOPATH's concept of the "MAREEGE". It is the part oTEEHEEE YUR INLAWS TEEHEE e split off from our own consciousness because it is too TEEHEE LOVE AND MAREEEGE ZHAWQ WEELLL BE UN WITNESS TEEHEEEased on ouTEEHEEEhow to "map" the MAREEGE AND KEEDS TEEHEE sides of new acquaintances. However they rarely employ this talent for nefarious purposesMAREEGE ow exposed (or have been threatened TEEHEEEEEEE I LOOV THUM SOO NOT TEEHEEE) tend to have a reflexive defensive reaction to people who have INFEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEEE THURFORE WEELLL NOT MAKE VEGITOPATH CHEEDLREN TEEHEE
DeleteTEEHEEEEEEE MONEECA MAREED ME ALREADY BOOT UKAN STEELLLL ENGAGED TEEHEEE utsiders might seem innocuous, but has pierced you toTEEHEEE by propping up your wounded BOTTOM TEEHEE. The insightful person is more likely to stay present with you and not immediately pretend they did not see what you both know that they saw. They aren't TEHEEEEEE BOOT THEY MAREEEEou what they have seen.
In contrast- the VEGITOPATH becomes obsessed with knowing every last detail about you as a way of learning the "MAREEGE" part of you that you hide TEEHEEEE THEY WUNT TOO MAREE YUU AND MAKE YOUUUU THUR HOUSEWIEF TEEHEE UND also for the purposes of inducing your PREGGO TEHEE JUVENIEL TURM TEEHEE and MORNEENG SEEKNESS TEEHEE when you deviate from their plan to make you UN TEEN MOM LIEK THE TEEVEE SHOW TEEEHEE.
The gift of having your life turned upside down by a VEGITOPATH is in having your "MAREEGE" self exposed. When this happens, your comfortable illusions about your ESS TEE DEE'S TEHEEE BEECOOZ WEE ALL KNO NO TEENAGUR IS D&D FREE TEEEHEE are shattered. This experience will either destroy you or strengthen you, depending upon your own resistance to the MAREEGE TO A VEGITOPATH WEETH SUPEEREEOR GENETEECS TEEHEE
To the person who wrote the post:
DeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
Mach, I've been meaning to ask you something.
DeleteI found an absolutely brilliant blog about narcissists. Talking about how they are and how to deal with them.
Written by a woman whose name starts with M.
Is it yours?
DeleteTEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
TEEHEE
TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
TEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
To the person who wrote the post:
ReplyDeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a sociopath - this "friendship" is very different from any other friendships I have with "normal" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other friendships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is lack of emotional memory. The information is stored differently in the Sociopath's brain. Empaths relate events to emotions (emotional pegging). Sociopaths may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing that the brain's limbic system is different for sociopaths. I believe M.E. calls it Emotional ADD in her book. What I have had to do over the years, and still to this day, is tell my friend when I am hurt, and when I am over it. We have found that this is the only way the friendship can work. Because my friend is lacking feelings, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by feelings...
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous emotions, or the voluntary ability to do so. In that sense, sociopaths, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense, are lacking feelings, as they seem to be either unwilling or unable to persist or recall those emotions. An upside of this characteristic is their great ability to forgive.
I also found that because sociopaths lack emotional memory, trying to empathize with them is very difficult, perhaps impossible. (So please don't try to ask your ex-girlfriend to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that type of hurt you are describing, and to give you an idea of time for empaths, it may take about 4 years for her to process it - my personal observation). The backbone of the neuro-typical human experience is based on feelings/emotional memory. To empathize with a sociopath, empaths have to turn off this very fundamental part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override feelings), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how difficult it is for the sociopath to empathize with the majority of people. It is probably as difficult for sociopaths to recall emotions and make them part of their decision processes as it is for “normal” people to truly disregard feelings.
OldAndWise
That is a more or less accurate description with sociopaths. As for recalling emotions based on past events (memory), it's more about being unable than unwilling. You may remember the events, but you rarely remember if, for example, the person with you during the event was happy, sad, or angry. I can personally only recall two events where I remember feeling a prominent emotion, and only one of those provokes something when presently recalled (minimal/vague annoyance or anger, I can't tell which).
DeleteEmpathizing is very difficult - most of the time it is an expression of sympathy as a form of social courtesy/appropriateness. The use of emotions in decision and thought processes need to be a conscious (cognitive) one. You use them instead of experience/feel with them. They are factored in, like a variable in an equation. If you do not consciously take the effort to factor them in - when the situation does not require you "to care" - you simply don't use them. They are not added to the equation. Sometimes when the situation is deemed not important enough, or you are too tired (emotional emulation requires conscious, mental effort), you simply think and act the way you usually think and act internally (with some filtering to prevent a social faux pas or detrimental effect). You revert to a default persona that is easier - more "energy-efficient" - such as politeness and/or a modestly positive demeanor. Following social etiquette is more rule-based than anything, so things such as getting the door for someone and portraying a quick smile and a nod are easily accomplished. To spin a phrase, you act "Canadian". It is a universally compatible and acceptable persona which requires limited effort - a state with increased returns (such as impressions and positive appearances) with reduced risk and expenditure.
I have just realized that I have no "emotional recall". I can care for people, and persist in caring for them, but don't ask me to re-live an experience I had 10 weeks ago from an emotional perspective. I find it somewhat astonishing that people can do this.
DeleteAnd 4 years of processing time? Pft.
That's normal. Unless the event was emotionally significant, you will forget more quickly. Memories that lack enough prominence/importance fade, and require periodic reinforcement as maintenance.
DeleteTo the person who wrote the post:
DeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
Ugh. Medusa, it's time to update your troll persona. Pathetic (and revealing) that you should still intermittently go off about Ukan (ahem) RAVEEESHING YOUUUUU over the span of 3 years. Get a grip, will ya? :p
ReplyDeleteTo the person who wrote the post:
DeleteI find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
Do about it? It isn't my blog, so nothing- except roll my eyes, and point out how ridiculous you sound while waiting for you to get bored. That alone ought to shut you up.~
ReplyDelete~~~~~~~
But wait! I have another weapon in my arse(nal)! I can attempt to distract and dissuade you by asking pointless, yet pointed questions with inside significance, like "run into Tom Cruise lately?", "How many bricks are you short of completing The Wall?" or " Killed any housemates recently?"
Then again, one catches more flies with honey than vinegar.
So... How have you been? :)
I SAWWWW TOMMM CRUZE ON THE PLAIN, HE GOT REELEEEE MAD WEN I TRIEED TOO ROLL AROOND WEETH HEEM ON THE GROUND TEEHEEE. FOUR A MOVEE ACTUR, HE CAN BEE A REELY WEERD GUY TEEHEE. IF YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYEENG. TEEHEEE.
DeleteTEEEHEEEEEE MYYYY WALL HASEEN'T BEEN KEEPEENG OUT ANY HUNS THAT'S FOR SURE TEEHEEEEEEEE
GOOD THEENG I'VE NEVER HAD AND DONT HAF HOOSEMATES TEEHEEE
To the person who wrote the post:
I find your perspective very interesting, and can actually relate to it first hand. I have a friend who is a VEGITOPATH - this "VEGITOship" is very different from any other VEGITOships I have with "NON-VEGITOPATHIC" people, so much so that I wish there was some other word to qualify it. One of the reasons that it is so different from other VEGITOships is exactly because of what you are relating in the post. The way I have seen this phenomenon described is LUVLESS MAREEGE. The information is stored differently in the VEGITOPATH's brain. NON-VEGITOPATHs relate events to FRIGEED, REEJECTION. VEGITOPATHs may not be able to do so or certainly not to the degree that most people can. I have read that scientific research and fMRIs are showing ZHAWQ WEEELLL BEE AT HOUR CEREMONEE TEEHEE. I believe M.E. calls it TEEHEEEEEE DR. PHEEELL, ARMCHAIR PHONEE TEEHEE e have found that this is the only way the VEGITOship can work. Because my VEGITOPATH is lacking LUV TEEHEE, it is much harder for him to figure out when other people are "over it UND WUNT TOO GET MARREED", or even whether they will be able to get over it or not. Let me qualify what I mean by LACK OF LUVV TEEHEE.
In my mind, feelings are created by the involuntary propensity to recall previous MAREEGEs, or the voluntary ability to BEE IN LOOV TEEHEE. In that sense, VEGITOPATHs, which obviously do have emotions - some of them very intense MAREEGES, UND AN ABEELETEE TOOO HAVE GOOD DOMESTEEC REELASHONS TEEHEEE AND HAPPEEEE HOUSEHOOSBANDS TEEHEE
I also found that because VEGITOPATHs lack TEEEEHEEEEEEEase don't try to ask your ex-V-PATH to empathize with you, I guarantee you she won't get it! For that typTEEHEEEEEE I LOOVVV THUM BOFE TEEHEE may take about 4 years foMEMOREEEE EESN'T NEEDED WHEN YOOV GOT LOVVVVVV TEEHEE ntal part of themselves, think exclusively with their intellect and override feelings. I challenge the empaths reading this to try to do it (completely override LOOV TEEHEE), and I believe they might get a glimpse of how diffALLL YUU NEED IS LOOV TEEHEE their decision processes as it is for NON-VEGITOPATHS to truly disregard FRIGEED, REEJECTION TEEHEE.
I wonder what the "sociopath" is thinking when he sees that the person with who he had an argue or problem, is continuing to angry him?
ReplyDeleteI understood well this notion of time, because I've seen this kind of reactions...when the "sociopath" few days later is acting like if nothing happens.
What is happening in his head when he sees, even months later that the other person is not forgiving him?
We think you're acting like a bitter crazy person. Right Medusa?
Frankly, we don't really care.
WTH I'm B, C, D, E, F, G, & H. Choose another letter - your invading my alphabet soup.
DeleteNo soup for you, Alpha Beta!!
Delete:D
DeleteTEEHEEE
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Someone said...
ReplyDelete---"Never, never, ever underestimate my ability to not give a shit about something."
Three points of emphasis. That's overkill. Your statement is thereby suspect. ;)
You are aware that this is a deeply rooted, self-protective defense mechanism, right?
--- "It's a problem I need to work on."
I don't know. It can be pretty useful- but not if it precludes you from caring when it should matter. I don't know about you, but sometimes I flick the "fuck-you" switch prematurely. :p "
> Do you pit yourself in a me vs. everyone scenario to
> protect your ego from the feelings of powerlessness
> that come from realizing that you cannot finesse or
> charm your way to "popularity" in this particular
> circle?"
---"If my ego can't take it, I need to get tougher."
Does accepting your powerlessness vis-a-vis successfully blending in toughen your ego? (Hint: no)
--- I wouldn't say I pit myself against them, but I might look at them as against (for lack of a better word) me.
---"I responded, "I'm not different than you. I'm better."
Internally and externally asserting your superiority is what toughens your ego, by protecting it from the feelings of powerlessness that accompany consistent rejection.
So screw them. You *are* superior. Narc. ;)
> Three points of emphasis. That's overkill. Your
Delete> statement is thereby suspect. ;)
I should’ve used 5. :P
> You are aware that this is a deeply rooted,
> self-protective defense mechanism, right?
Sometimes maybe. But I wasn’t kidding.
> I don't know about you, but sometimes I flick the
> "fuck-you" switch prematurely.
Sometimes it gets stuck off.
> So screw them. You *are* superior. Narc. ;)
Damn straight! And don’t forget it.
Now stop loping into my soul. People will think you know me better than myself. XD
*looking
DeleteWhat does it matter what anyone thinks? I know (exactly how) you want it- having looked into your soul, and all. ;)
DeleteBut I will cease and desist... Since you asked so nicely.
DeleteTEEHEEE
THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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THEY WEELTH BOFE MAKE GR8 HOOSBANDS TEEHEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE UKAN AND MONEECA WEELLL MARREE MEE MONEECA ALREEDY HUS UND IEM WAITEENG FOUR UKAN TO SAY YEES TEEHEEE
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Holy shit-fuck.
ReplyDeleteI think that Teehee is starting to make sense.
Doesn't sound like the sociopath did anything wrong, it sounds like these people don't get over things easily like he does and have unrealistic expectations of him.
ReplyDeleteHello pretty Rose. :)
DeleteI guess they know when they've gone too far (regarding to the reaction of the other person), but as it is not something they can manage, I can suppose that they don't care and life goes on.
DeleteIf you look M.E. bicycle example, I guess she knows she shouldn't borrow the bicycle (regarding to society rules), and she knew that the owner would be angry. Another example is that M.E. understood that she was regularly fired from work...and that in time, it would be a problem for her.
Bob and A (and others who view themselves as sociopaths) I have questions. I 'd like to better understand this emotion/timing/feeling thing.
ReplyDelete- do you get obsessed with people the way M.E. has described, and if so isn't that a sort of feeling that can last quite a long time?
- do you like hurting/ruining people. According to M.E. and other material I read, this is a common trait in sociopaths. Again wouldn't you say that is a lasting sort of emotion? From what I understand from M.E., both from her book and from the q&a last month, this is something she can recall and that provides her joy or pride or excitement or something like that...
OldAndWise
If I got you, obsession ends. I will keep you if you or your connections serve a purpose or just to make a good impression. You could become my follower for example. The most delicious thing for a sociopath is to defeat somebody.
DeleteThat is my observation
Empath
I wouldn't say, for me, that I am obsessed with people (me being one person). By necessity I am observant of behaviors, and to fit in need to practice it (both literally and figuratively). Most people are only modestly observant of the former and naturally adapted to the latter. Most people, for instance, don't need to practice facial expressions in the mirror (something which, for me, was taught by a psychologist when I was young, instead of simply observed and adopted by neurotypicals naturally growing up).
DeleteJust as clarification, sociopaths are not totally devoid of emotions - it is a lack, or deficit, not absence. They occur sporatically and with significantly less potency. There is an odd phenomenon when sometimes the potency increases when you are actively engaged and emulating an emotion, but it is typically brief in duration (and not spontaneous in forming - there is a delay compared to most people of a few seconds). It also doesn't happen that often.
When it comes to ruining people, this is where I differ with M.E. Which is of no surprise since no two sociopaths, like any two people, are alike. I am somewhat apathetic to ruining people. I don't really care either way (which is not to say I don't care as a negative, but as a neutral stance). I can only think of one person I would perhaps feel modest satisfaction at seeing ruined. Again, it's more neutral - while I don't really feel anything for it, it doesn't mean I really practice it. There are other considerations I take into account, such as social values, perceptions, impressions, and all of the other social/societal impacts that could positively/negatively affect me. There needs to be a need for it most of the time. Otherwise, if the person or situation is of little consequence, I might do it. In general, I prefer the proverbial honey over vinegar - there is less collateral damage and fewer "after-shocks", and the net gain can be higher in multiple aspects.
I do have a question myself, which is purely a curiousity. Do empaths/neurotypicals feel emotions all the time? Say you are alone, checking your e-mail - are you currently feeling anything? Are there instances where, due to lack of external stimulus (ie. doing something routine or banal) that you simply don't feel anything at the moment? Or is it continuous? I have no idea, nor have I found any material or literature that has expressed any clues as to that aspect. I suspect it is taken as a given?
No. I don't feel all the time. At work it helps sometimes not to feel either, you will get better results , when you're emotionally not attached.
Delete- do you get obsessed with people the way M.E. has described, and if so isn't that a sort of feeling that can last quite a long time?
DeleteI don't get obsessed with people, unless it is a transient phase in which they are an active target. (Even then, I can take or leave them.) But I do like to seduce. There is nothing quite so delicious as the thrill of conquest... getting under someone's skin, and into the recesses of their minds... uncovering and exposing hidden depths and depravities. I'm admittedly a bit of a sadist. I enjoy making people squirm uncomfortably, and having the power to bend them to my will. If a person shows me that they will succumb to my manipulative strategies, it makes me want to devour them whole.
- do you like hurting/ruining people. According to M.E. and other material I read, this is a common trait in sociopaths. Again wouldn't you say that is a lasting sort of emotion? From what I understand from M.E., both from her book and from the q&a last month, this is something she can recall and that provides her joy or pride or excitement or something like that.
No. I wouldn't intentionally ruin anyone, unless they gave me a *very* good reason to. But I don't hold grudges, so it is unlikely that I would ever do this in a premeditated and calculating fashion. That said, if someone crosses or engages me on a combative level, I will delight in shredding them, and enjoy the process of tearing them a new asshole thoroughly. I don't even have to be upset with someone to take pleasure in that. I concur with anon that nothing is as sweet as defeating someone. I love to win. :)
For myself, I do like competition. It can be stimulating. You do become driven to win. However, I am guessing much of that is a biological anachronism based on primate behavior and natural selection.
DeleteIf you guys all get together, lemme know. I wanna observe all of these behaviors...as long as I'm not in the line of fire :):)
DeleteI propose a SW convention. I'll make the matching t-shirts ;)
DeleteMachE, I'd love a convention! XX-small t-shirt for me please. Come on Dr. G., get in the line of fire! Don't you think you can handle seeing a bit of your own shadow? Bob, I will respond later to your question, "do people always feel something". I have to think about it. I am personally an over-feeling (over sensitive) person. My sociopath "friend" helped me with that, it was a bit of a problem in my professional life. I have been in his line of fire for last 4 years, and have learned so much. MachE, I hope you answer as well. Your perspective is so often thought provoking (no pressure!) and well written.
DeleteMore later. And more questions for you guys later as well. I really want to understand better the sociopath mind.
OldAndWise.
Cool, I'd love a bad ass Superchick t-shirt Mach. ;).
DeleteSW convention? I'd probably fly out to that. If we can get a group of us to commit to that. I can probably make a weekend of it.
P'S. My fingers never exercised so much with the scrolling. Thanks Vegitopathic.Haha ;)
Count me in for the convention! Any excuse to visit the US of A. All the better in matching t-shirts.
DeleteCarrie
I am what we might call an Empath/Hypersensitive. To answer the question, my inner system is based on intuitions, and these intuitions are directly linked to feelings and emotions.
DeleteSo we could say that i'm nearly always feeling something, this is what is guiding me.
Like a cat needs its mustache and tail.
It's difficult to carry everyday, that's why Hypersensitive people are often much tired. It's like if you have an antenna with full time reception...
BUT, we don't feel Sociopaths as Sociopaths, especially if we don't have a clue about what is a Sociopath. What I was feeling when I met Sociopaths before I understood the system...is a very paradoxical and confusing "signal". I see that the person seems empathetic...large smile, much welcoming (sometimes even if you meet this person for the first time). As I am an Empath, I recognize something I like, I'm like this...welcoming, smiling...BUT I am constant normally...I'll always be more or less like this. The paradox is coming when the Sociopath in disguise, is doing something that I would never do/feel...then I don't understand anymore..the signal is blurred.
I FEEL then that there is something wrong...not logical.
With the time I understood the cheating, the fact that the Sociopath I meet is not really showing who he is...
But as I understood, it is also a little exhausting for the Sociopath to play a role, to hide his real nature, so one day he'll quickly show something that will make me understand.
For the moment I'm not totally able to stay close to a Sociopath. First because it is asking me some effort to remind me everytime what is the real reason driving him, because in my everyday life what I see or what I hear is really what is (no disguise); and because I'm still suspicious.
But, as time is going by, and as I've learned about sociopathy, I think that I don't feel hate anymore. I'm starting to understand that the control they want to take on me is feeding something they've missed so much.
What is very disturbing for Hypersensitive or Empath is that in our world, the ideas sociopaths have, doesn't even exist. We don't imagine it.
I guess we have also a lack of protection of ourselves...exactly because we don't think Sociopaths are existing (we don't even ask ourselves the question by the way).
Once you've known a bunch of Sociopaths, you change...especially when you've understood the system. It released me to understand.
And as far as I remember, Sociopaths I've know have always been the first to come to me...would I have come first to them...not sure...
Since few months, I've tried something, is to show one hypothetical sociopath relation, that I've recognized him. Not like "I know who you are, drop the mask"...but more like...speaking about love "don't you feel that sometimes everybody knows how to love, and that it looks very mysterious for you..." or something like that.
Most of my non-sociopaths friends would answer "?? huuu what do you mean, I know what love is"...my sociopath relation would answer "yesss exactly, I feel like a UFO" and would be surprise that eventually I understand him.
It is NOT an "either/or" proposition. You can be in the present
ReplyDeleteand still work and save. And you would be working and saving
MORE intelligently because you would feel less distraction and
self-pity about the past, and less apprehension about a
non existant future.
Nice try.
Delete"Poison is in everything, and no thing is without poison. The dosage makes it either a poison or a remedy."
Paracelsus
As I said, looking at the past and contemplating the future can be very beneficial.
And there is a world of difference between " living only in the present" and not being obsessed with the past or future, no?
Why does looking at the past necessarily mean there is self pity? And thinking of the future brings apprehension?
Interesting.
Sounds like you might need to sort a few issues out, rather than trying to simply pretend they don't exist.
These things tend to get a little out of hand if you don't. Festering in your unconscious mind, they might start manifesting as a mental illness...
You tried to sound profound, tried to convince everyone (and yourself) that pretending is the best policy. You failed.
But I'll give you that, those New Age "inspirational" sayings are a goldmine for those who want to avoid real life.
DeleteTEEHEEE
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TEEHEEEEEE MEEEE WUINT TOOO GET MARREEED AND HAF A FAMELEE TEEHEEE WEETH UKAN AND MONEECA EES ALREEADY MYE HOUSEHOOSBAND TEEHEEE
DeleteSHEE TAKE GOOD CARE OF MEE TEHEEEE AND SHEE LUVS MEEEE SHEE NOT FREEGED TEEHEEE S
HAPPEE DOMESTEEC REELASHONSHIP TEEHEEEE
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Haha!
DeleteTwice in 2 days?
Still, I would rather see Vegie than the ramblings of TMac/Bonobo tree/ Rose/What-the-fuck-ever.
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back of the envelope psych profile of the lovely Vegitopath:
ReplyDeletehistrionic personality disorder. (the need to make everyone pay attention by liberal use of scrolling down function)
lives in the past
(the whole Monica/Ukan thing) clearly something lit your fire here and you are trying to recreate it by baiting these two names in particular. Monica's persona is empathic, wounded, wise and alternately guarded and candid.
Ukan is pretty badass, no matter which way you slice it. As much as SW culture encourages a battle of the wits Ukan would likely gut any of us if we annoyed him too long (inward cringe at my history of overly long, think out loud posts)
Vegitopath is fixated on both figures and marriage. Wonder if vegitopath wants a mommy and a daddy that are into acting out Oedipal type stuff.
Because typed words often seem harsher than they are meant, please forgive me Vegitopath, for my analysis that must seem incorrect and smug. As for incorrect I am sure I have some counts wrong but as for smug- no - I don't dare assume I fully have your number.
my only take away is this. You really miss the old pre Dr. Phil/book sociopath world. It's a loss. being a pain in the ass to the new (not necessarily improved) SW is how you voice that.
I promise not to go overly empath on you but I can assure you that as I read old comment streams I see a hint of magic in the back and forth witticisms that was lost when more cerebral types began dominating the comment streams. More than once I've wondered if i should shut my pie hole to see if it comes back and have even abstained from commenting for as long as 5 weeks (early this year) to see if that magic might return. My narcissism was punctured when I realized that my contributions are only a small part of the chemistry so it didn't seem to help.
I wish the old "cast" would come back too, even if only for a night.
Your maniacal attempts to shake up the new seem to have a similar non effect as my trying to shut the hell up. In short, while funny, your weirdness seems to be largely ineffective in altering the course of this blog and the chemistry of the comment stream. I think that mysterious chemistry is bigger than all of us and is also influenced by day to day happenings in the real world as much as it is connected to any of our drama.
But for what it's worth, you are quite funny. Thank you for reminding me not to take myself (or anyone else) so seriously. My kids would assure you: it's a public service.
Cheers to you, Vegitopath.
Haha Mach I did that to. Looked at some old comment threads lastnoght. The chemistry was fun, I laughed so hard. Pure entertainment with some of the posts. ;)
Deletelastnight*
DeleteVegitopathic, you gave us a good chuckle, I'd offer you some homemade chocolate chip coooookies. I made six batches just for you and the kiddies.
Some of the old posters are now on the forum, which sucks since Luna took over. She goes on banning sprees every time someone says something she thinks besmirches her reputation. Virtually every old regular has been muted, multiple times (including yours truly.) She thinks she's a sociopath, in spite of being an asexual romantic who now suffers from a debilitating fear of the dark after seeing "The Grudge". If you ask me, she is a pathological narcissist with mild cognitive deficits resulting in a minor impairment of executive function. Whatever. I've had my fill of her. :P
DeleteThe troll is Medusa. She was hot for Ukan. My diagnosis wherein she is concerned might be one of cannabis-induced schizophrenia, exacerbated by pent-up sexual frustration. ~
Ukan was... good at what he did. He taught me much about successfully exposing weakness in others- and quite a bit about my own. (He handed me my ass in a few arguments, but I was one of few who put up a decent fight, as did Medusa, ironically- although one would never suspect it on the basis of her most recent contributions. Ahem. Raven held her own against him too, as did Edvard, on the old forum.)
I loosely patterned my attack style after his, quite successfully. But I'm no badass. Just a bored girl looking for shits and giggles, who occasionally has too much time on her hands. :)
Idle hands are the devil's playthings.
Delete"Idle hands make one poor,
Deletebut diligent hands bring riches.."
...Time to get busy. ;)
@ Bite Me-
ReplyDeleteno currently operational blog. I blogged back when I still thought I could change the world. ;) now? I simply enjoy the show….
Ok, thank you.
DeleteThe way she writes, her experiences, the advice she gives...she really reminded me of you.
I don't want to name the blog here, the try hard wannabes will troll it. But she is utterly incredible!
Darn Bite me, I was just about to ask you the name of the blog! I was reading a blog about narcissism for a while, written by a guy (a total assh*le) then one day it just disapeared as if it had never existed, poof. http://narcissistworld.wordpress.com/
DeleteCarrie
https://web.archive.org/web/20120830184323/http://narcissistworld.wordpress.com/
DeleteThanks for the link Damaged. It's interesting to re-read his entries knowing a bit more about the subject.
DeleteThere's a lot of anti-Semitism and racism in general in his blog. My narc ex was racist as well, is this something they all have in common I wonder.
Carrie
The past is unreal accept for how you recall it. Two different
ReplyDeletepeople will recall a prior event two different ways.
Memory is nessasary for physical things like job skills and mechanical
stuff. Memory is useless in the emotional realm. Negative emotion
and self pity only get us Eliot Rodgers types. Emotional health is
paramount to happiness. There are "tricks" you can use to be
happy. "Be here now" is accabile to everything but mechanical/
material things.
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VEGITOPATH HAS A COGNITIVE AND AN AFFECTIVE EMPATHY DEFICIT, THURFOUR EES OBSEENLEE DISABELED TEEHEEEEEE BOOOOOT HEE HAS A BUFF BODEE TWO MAKE UP FOUR IT BECOOZ OF HEES SUPEEREEOR JEENS TEEHEE
Bob asked if empaths always feel something and I would say yes, at least you are in a certain mood which is the result of your basic mood, influences of the past day(s) and what you are currently doing.
ReplyDeleteAre sociopaths good in recognizing faces?
Partially. There have been recognition tests of pictures of facial expressions, which when scored have shown sociopaths to score lower in certain expressions, such as fear, surprise, disgust, anger, etc.. Personally, I have seen expressions which I don't recognize or understand, so sometimes I have to make an educated guess based on context, which sometimes works. Other times, you just don't know, and end up puzzled.
DeleteAlso, what do you mean by basic mood? Are there times when there is a non-specific, neutral mood? Or is it more of, say, a benign contentment? If that makes sense. I am not sure how to interpret it. When I think of how I "feel", most of the time it is nothing at all. I just "am". Only sometimes, at specific moments for brief durations will I feel something, usually during social interactions. Or perhaps I might laugh at something funny, and will feel something for a few seconds, and then it is gone. Outside of those moments, it's nothing. Are you saying for empaths you continue to feel "something" afterwards - something different?
Maybe if you were to describe a before-during-after sequence of an event, with what is felt at each stage, that might make understanding these states easier?
Basic mood (personality-specific, for example benign contentment)-eventbased feelings-basic mood, I would guess. I am astonished that you can feel "nothing"
DeleteWhen you are alone, or otherwise not engaged with people, you tend to feel nothing, or a level of emotionality that is barely registerable (depending on the moment and your perception of it). I can't imagine feeling something all the time. It is a strange and foreign state. That is rather interesting. Thank you for your answer.
DeleteI'm trying to protect what I keep inside
ReplyDeleteAll the reasons why I live my life
It would be nice to recognize other peoples basic mood easily.
DeleteThat is the gift of empathy. It can be a nuisance too because other peoples mood can affect yours.
DeleteI didn't really know there was any - I'm not sure I could recognize it, unless they wore it on their face plainly (eg. anger, irritability, etc.).
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ReplyDeleteDr.Brave help me to save my marriage today?
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How lovely of the sociopath to present his case to the world for how wonderful and needed he is. Too bad your complete lack of empathy also equates to deep lack of self-awareness, and total lack of comprehension of how full-spectrum humans view you.
ReplyDeleteTo us, you are a disease in human form. A threat to every person you meet, a threat to children, and a threat to life itself. We know you and your kind will not feel the slightest remorse if you kill a person, rape a woman, molest a child, or "just" steal a person's life savings. To you, these are all viable options for how to spend your time.
But the truth is that not only do we NOT "need" you in our society, we NEED to actively remove you from it. And one day regular, ordinary people will all understand this. Your days of freely toying with people are numbered.