A comprehensive beginner's guide to becoming a sociopath

Because I can no longer find this available online, and because so many people ask for it:

Sociopathy. The word makes "good" people cringe. It is a very real syndrome that affects young and old. In general there are ten real symptoms:

1. Not learning from experience.
2. No sense of responsibility.
3. Inability to form meaningful relationships.
4. Inability to control impulses.
5. Lack of moral sense.
6. Chronically antisocial behavior.
7. No change in behavior after punishment.
8. Emotional immaturity.
9. Lack of guilt.
10. Self-centeredness.

   If you are a sociopath you probably don't know it, but if you want to be a sociopath and have fun unlike all the other blockheads in the world, then this is the recipe for you. 

   There is a general trend in the symptoms listed above, carelessness. There is a surefire way to disassociate yourself from feelings, which includes guilt. Can you think of what emotion and feeling has done for you? Nothing is what I am thinking. So here it is, without further ado, you own personal guide to becoming God. This means being totally free of emotion and feeling, unless you desire them. You will no longer associate certain actions with certain feelings so you will be able to do anything you want and not feel a damn thing, if you elect to. You can steal, lie, cheat, fight, hurt, and you won't think twice. There is a great balance that must be emphasized before we can start the program. Although the whole point of being a sociopath is to not feel guilt, sadness, or hurt, you will also be stripped of 'positive' feelings and often times actions that usually resulted in happiness will be replaced with anger and then normal bad emotion actions will become happiness producing instead. So if you are squeamish or don't desire a sadomasochist view on life, don't read on. 

   Here's the ten day beginners guide; start on a Monday for the best and fastest results. 

Day 1:

WAKE UP EXTREMELY EARLY, this will allow you to be groggy enough not to care on your own.

Good act 1: Go and buy 40 dollars in groceries for your local homeless man. It will fuck with his head so bad. This action is called 'Rampant Altruism".

Bad Act 1: Find the nicest luxury car at your work and vandalize it.

You are set for the day. Make sure not to think twice about anything you've done today.

Day 2:

Wake up earlier than the day before and play VERY loud music. This works on many levels, but you can't count it as a bad action.

Good Act 1: While on the hustle to work drive very slowly and let everyone in, don't get mad or stressed.

Bad Act 1: Go to a coffee shop and sit down, order the most difficult drink to make and keep changing your mind about it, then don't pay for anything and when she looks at you just say, 'ah never mind', then start muttering and swearing to yourself barely audible, but definitely call her a 'slut' or 'bitch'. Leave and slam things on your way out.

Good Act 2: Go to the Library. Find the most frumpish looking mid 20's girl and start flirting with her heavily. Leave and come back and bring her flowers, real nice ones, then give her someone else number when she asks for it. This will destroy her.

Bad Act 2: Hopefully it will be garbage day, but if it isn't find one of those huge dumpsters and spread trash all over the street. Break as much glass as you can.

Ok, you are getting into the swing of things. It is important not to dwell or celebrate about anything you did today, this is very important.

Day 3:

You can wake up normally, but don't eat breakfast, don't drink coffee.

Bad Act 1: Drive fast, mean, and flip off as many people as you can on your way to work. Make as many people start off with bad days, especially to women. If people follow you just keep driving till they can't anymore, but always flipping them off.

Good act 1: Bring Coffee and Donuts for everyone but just set them down and don't allow people the time to thank you or offer to pay you back or whatever, say as little as possible.

Bad Act 2: Find that dog that is always barking in your neighborhood while the owner is away, and terrorize the shit out of the dog, hit it with a stick if you want to, just make it pissed off. Make it meaner than shit and just leave.

Good act 2: Give 20 dollars to the cash register person and ask them for change in quarters, then right in front of them put each coin individually into the collection jars, it's especially good if there are people waiting.

Bad Act 3: This one is a wild card, but here is something you can do that will help you later. Get dressed up as White trash as you can, get yourself real dirty and roll in stuff if possible, then go to the Big 5 or other sporting good store. While you are there, just look at the guns with a sort of 'far away look', shaking and twitching. Deny help as many times as you can, but stay in one spot the whole time. Then after nearly half an hour, go up to the asst supervisor and plead for help, use 'fuck' and 'Jesus Christ' as many times as you can while you purchase an air rifle and huge amounts of pellets and BB's. Speed in the parking lot, flip off someone if possible. When you get home, get acquainted with your "lil' boom stick", make sure you aim is good, this will be important later.

Good act 3: Buy a pizza and bring it to the bookstore and say 'you know, this pizza guy just gave this to me and I already ate, would you take it?" if they accept it great, but if they don't just go and give it to another establishment, don't accept money and stay as little time as possible.

Don't sleep this night, read as much philosophy or propoganda'ish material as possible, the internet is great for that shit. Drink a lot of tea.

Day 4:

Hopefully you didn't sleep, but if you did make sure you got up early and promptly. Go and take a run, a long one, so that you are exhausted when you get back. Don't shower and don't shave.

Bad Act 1: Go to the store, but before hand fill your pockets with random trinkets, the weirder the better. Buy something like 4 grapes or one Tab soda, or something else really random. Then when it's time to pay, look at her for a second and then start rummaging through your pockets, act really worried. Then pull out one of the trinkets and offer her a trade for whatever it is you are purchasing. Keep going and ask her to call her manager, say 'man, I really need this but all I have are these guitar picks', he will not give in and you shouldn't either, get frustrated and finally pull out your check book, when she asks for your drivers license be reluctant and say that you don't have one, she will be damn angry and they will have probably asked you to leave several times, do it but call them a bunch of racist Nazi's. Everyone will wonder what is happening and you have to keep up the yelling all the way to the car.

Good act 1: Go to the coffee shop you visited on Day 2 and order a medium latte with heavy cream if possible. Pay for it with a 20 and just walk away when she tries to give you back the money. She will try in vain to get your attention, don't give in to her, and just walk out ignoring everyone.

Bad Act 2: Show up extremely late to work and walk in scowling at everyone, don't answer any questions, just mutter and look only at your feet. Everyone will be worried but you won't answer any questions. If your manager starts talking to you change the mood totally, be happy, but after he leaves continue snapping at everyone. Leave early from work if possible. Just shrug your shoulders if asked why you are late, but don't answer the 'are you ok?' type questions, people will be very concerned. Go home and shower.

Good act 2: Buy a bunch of flowers and hand them to the most beautiful woman you see. Don't say anything more than 'will you accept these?" Make sure you are very abrupt when you walk away and don't turn around for ANY reason. Don't do it if her boyfriend or husband is right there.

Bad Act 3: Buy a can of red Krylon Spray paint. When it is Dark go and Spray paint something awful on a wall that you pass everyday, make sure it is just fucking rude and mean, something that people will gawk at and be pissed off, something that would even piss off you.

Good act 3: Go to a bar, sit next to a semi-attractive girl. Do not make any come ons, pretend for a second that sex would actually make you ill and pretend you hate it, this will help you out. Talk about everything besides sex. Buy her many drinks, don't ask for her number and don't give you hers even if she asks. If she comes on to you, just look really surprised and even be offended, this will be a good time to leave.

Bad Act 4: Use your handy dandy pellet rifle and roam the streets of your neighborhood shooting out streetlights, car windows, or another building windows. DO NOT shoot at houses or anywhere where you could draw attention to yourself, be careful but make sure you have made visible damage.

   Ok, this is the right amount of good/bad actions you should be doing on a daily basis. Hopefully with the oscillation of emotions from the different actions you should start to feel numb about them. You are on the right start. 

   This weekend will be an important step: Your focus will be on reversing emotions. 

   You must take any action that would normally cause you pain or sadness and tell yourself how good it feels. You need to do your good actions as if they are actually doing harm to those you do them for. You will also start to associate the different actions. 

Over the next 3 days you should accomplish:

• Shoot one bird and be happy about it, go to the Dog Pound, find the cutest puppy and regard it as evil.
• Steal something and justify it.
• Cook a large meal for someone less fortunate, then later drink a bottle of castor oil and force vomit over a large plate of food at a restaurant.
• If you see someone at a bus stop, offer him or her a ride, they usually won't accept but ask until it happens. Pretend you hate the person in the car internally, but be SUPER polite to them, even go outside and open their door. Then when they get out and you drive away, tell them to fuck themselves.
• Drink heavily, very heavily. Then go to a park and talk to children, the parents will freak.
• Just start picking up trash in a public park, don't answer any questions. Donate blood as well.
• Slap yourself, cut yourself, hurt yourself, but regard it as 'masturbation', trick yourself into enjoying it.
• Watch your favorite movie four times in one day.

   Hopefully you should now realize that feelings or emotions are not directly associated to actions. With this knowledge you now have the ability to do things without feeling anything. You know you are detached from feelings if you do the same action twice with feeling both good and bad feelings about it. Then when you do it the third time, you feel nothing. You will no longer have a value of "good/bad". Everything will just be things, you will have an open mind. The important thing is to still continue to do both good and evil actions. 

Day 8:

This is Monday; you will notice that even though you have had the weirdest week of your entire life, you feel recharged but nothing more. You don't feel bad or good or even in between, you just don't feel. Live your day normally, but you notice that you don't care as you once did. Everything seems easier to deal with and is no longer stressful. Go out to eat tonight and don't tip your waiter. Give a homeless man the tip that you were going to give to the waiter.

Day 9:

Go to a bookstore and pick a fairly well known classic and sit there and read it for as long as the store is open. It will be you and the closing clerk there alone. Hopefully it is a women, tell her that you can't pay for the book but you love it so much. Give her your watch as collateral. Order a huge amount of flowers for her but when you come in to pay for the book and collect your watch be surprised about the flowers. Persists that you did not buy them but you really appreciate her kindness about the book. If she asks for your information or suggests that you should go out sometime, just look disgusted and walk away. On the way home that night pull up next to someone walking, start pretending to get directions but when they start insult them repeatedly and threaten their life. Drive away fast.

Day 10:

Don't go to work, call in sick if you have to. Drink tea ALL DAY. Find a pad of paper and start writing or drawing. Draw/Write the weirdest most convoluted stuff you can come up with, paste it all over your room. If you aren't thinking to yourself in some way 'man, I'm fucking crazy' than you aren't doing it right. Just repeat the week over until you can be in denial and know it. Yes your crazy, yes you know it, but it is sooo fun.

   Now that you are totally detached from the externalities of a social culture and you are totally void of feelings or guilt, you are on your way. Upkeep can be less frequent. Be unpredictable in your actions or moods. Don't keep the same face on twice with the same person. Love someone passionately that you don't know, hate someone passionately that you do know. Fight all the time; argue with everyone. Do charity and public service out of the blue without any reason. Don't have a favorite anything, try everything and be open minded about everything. Give someone your favorite book as a gift. 

   This plan has worked on about 7 or the 11 people that have tried it. Although there is great degrees on how they responded there was great general trends. The most important thing is that everyone is happy and their lives; which are greatly improved.