From a not so recent comment:
Labels do not have to be limiting. I like to think of labels as being entries in a dictionary, you can get the general information from them and then turn to the etymology to find out the unique story behind it. In my part of the world, in talking with "queer" sociopaths, labels are invaluable. I get to spend much less time talking about the nouns of a person and much more time discussing verbs and adjectives (what makes them distinct). However, I also fully believe that a label must only be a 'first step'. Let the presence (or absence) of it light a fire that causes that introspection. Labels simply the big picture but the onus is on the one using the label to add the detail.
Rather than rehash what I've written many times to the queer sociopaths and sociopathic-leaning individuals that I communicate with, I'll just paste one such instance. It was in response to a homosexual sociopath that feared adding one more label to his list of many.
"Receiving a diagnosis of psychopathy did not change the person that I am. It merely gave a new vocabulary for the person that I always had been. I could then begin to learn about myself further. There was a word, a diagnosis, for the facets of my life that seemed so alien to others. This diagnosis had research associated with it, which would be a treasure-trove of valuable information for learning. No longer was I a seemingly unconnected mess of behaviors and thoughts. I was able to retain my individuality and complexities, but I now had an idea of what a large part of me was. Like early humans mastering the spoken word, I could now communicate with myself and with others a cherished and important of my being: my psychopathy.
Many argue that the use of labels reduces the individuality of those associated with such. I believe this can be true. I am much more than my gender or psychopathy. I am a complex individual with many nuances and quirks. I am unpredictable, wild, and not caged easily. Would not the diagnosis of psychopathy cage me or put me into a box that I could not escape? I don’t believe so. The individual’s use of the label means much here.
A label can be vital for understanding the conditions one lives with. The chronic pain sufferer the learns they have arthritis can take steps to change their activities as well as accept the potential lifelong pain. The psychopath can learn behaviors to rein in impulsivity and better understand the path they must walk to stay free, while also accepting (which is usually not a problem) that they will forever be psychopathic.
As importantly, this vocabulary allows for concise conversation with others. That said, no two psychopaths are exactly alike: we have our individual differences as well as strengths and weaknesses. However, with a proper explanation, the word ‘psychopath’ can turn volumes of explanation into a few sentences. With those that I correspond with, we can can get to the interesting qualities of the person without belaboring the condition. With myself, I can have a similar conversation, focusing on the quirks that make myself who I am and setting a good portion of the larger picture aside as a single word.
There is no shame in being a psychopath. The diagnosis was a gift for me in many ways. It allowed me to see a bigger picture, even if some details are murky, and allowed me to research the condition in order to live the most fulfilling life possible. It let me realize that there are others like me and it gave me the vocabulary to speak articulately with my confidants as well as my psychopathic brothers and sisters. I am a label? No. However, the label makes many things much easier."
Labels do not have to be limiting. I like to think of labels as being entries in a dictionary, you can get the general information from them and then turn to the etymology to find out the unique story behind it. In my part of the world, in talking with "queer" sociopaths, labels are invaluable. I get to spend much less time talking about the nouns of a person and much more time discussing verbs and adjectives (what makes them distinct). However, I also fully believe that a label must only be a 'first step'. Let the presence (or absence) of it light a fire that causes that introspection. Labels simply the big picture but the onus is on the one using the label to add the detail.
Rather than rehash what I've written many times to the queer sociopaths and sociopathic-leaning individuals that I communicate with, I'll just paste one such instance. It was in response to a homosexual sociopath that feared adding one more label to his list of many.
"Receiving a diagnosis of psychopathy did not change the person that I am. It merely gave a new vocabulary for the person that I always had been. I could then begin to learn about myself further. There was a word, a diagnosis, for the facets of my life that seemed so alien to others. This diagnosis had research associated with it, which would be a treasure-trove of valuable information for learning. No longer was I a seemingly unconnected mess of behaviors and thoughts. I was able to retain my individuality and complexities, but I now had an idea of what a large part of me was. Like early humans mastering the spoken word, I could now communicate with myself and with others a cherished and important of my being: my psychopathy.
Many argue that the use of labels reduces the individuality of those associated with such. I believe this can be true. I am much more than my gender or psychopathy. I am a complex individual with many nuances and quirks. I am unpredictable, wild, and not caged easily. Would not the diagnosis of psychopathy cage me or put me into a box that I could not escape? I don’t believe so. The individual’s use of the label means much here.
A label can be vital for understanding the conditions one lives with. The chronic pain sufferer the learns they have arthritis can take steps to change their activities as well as accept the potential lifelong pain. The psychopath can learn behaviors to rein in impulsivity and better understand the path they must walk to stay free, while also accepting (which is usually not a problem) that they will forever be psychopathic.
As importantly, this vocabulary allows for concise conversation with others. That said, no two psychopaths are exactly alike: we have our individual differences as well as strengths and weaknesses. However, with a proper explanation, the word ‘psychopath’ can turn volumes of explanation into a few sentences. With those that I correspond with, we can can get to the interesting qualities of the person without belaboring the condition. With myself, I can have a similar conversation, focusing on the quirks that make myself who I am and setting a good portion of the larger picture aside as a single word.
There is no shame in being a psychopath. The diagnosis was a gift for me in many ways. It allowed me to see a bigger picture, even if some details are murky, and allowed me to research the condition in order to live the most fulfilling life possible. It let me realize that there are others like me and it gave me the vocabulary to speak articulately with my confidants as well as my psychopathic brothers and sisters. I am a label? No. However, the label makes many things much easier."
labled myself 1st
ReplyDeletejust tell ppl you are a narcist that they know (and usualy fits the psychopath 2)
ReplyDeleteinformation(/data) is nothing with out context
ReplyDeletelables are nothing with out knowing the person
Man, I use labels for everything. My favourite sticker is "psychopath". It sure sticks. Sticky stuff.
ReplyDeletelablemaker for xmass?
DeleteLol, I need a label maker. I need one under the tree.
DeleteA PuppyBasket full of Hugs for Superchick.
DeleteAwe, hugs back atcha. XX
DeleteWords are limiting, When a person takes a descripitive label as the
ReplyDeletetruth they are LIMITING their perimaters, as opposed to expanding
their perimaters.
You take the word for the reality, and limit your options. "A rose by
any other name would smell as sweet."
Getting back to the San Francisco race killings of 1974, Google "Zebra
Killings," for a taste of the wonderful South African future that awaits this
country. Another book that should be in every library is "Apes And You,"
by Desmond Morris. It talks about the various fascets of Human/Primate
interaction. You should especially read the chapter: "Apes As Lover's."
There has been a lot more, interaction between Apes and Human females then has been realized. It's another foreshadowing of our future.
There's no mention of "Apes And You" anywhere on he internet except for a blog comment you made a couple of months ago. Where can it be found.
DeleteHopefully the numerology of the name of the ape they're banging is compatible with their name. I'm sure the last thing a girl wants is an ape going ape shit because their public name numbers conflict.
*found?
DeleteThis is a timely post for me. The label of BPD/Psychopath/PD is relatively new for me. I've always been an asshole and I've long been trying to less of one - this sums up much of the therapy and self reflection I've done over the past 20-odd years. I got my depression under control (more or less - it's a work in progress, like many other things) some years back. Since then it been an on going effort to be more of an asset than a liability in all things interpersonal.
ReplyDeleteBecause of a number of events in my life, the need to look into "personality disorders" came up and I very quickly started seeing myself in a new way. Reading M. E.'s book was an important catalyst for this. I found Temple Grandin helpful for understanding people in my life that are autistic, so I picked up her book looking for the same insight...I was on the "bonus plan" it seems... 8)~
Like the author said, I'm more than any label of BP/psychopathy. I'm also a father, a husband, a friend, an engineer, and many other things. Here, we are talking about our processes, so it is a helpful shorthand to describe our processes. However, because of the baggage that the labels carry, most of us post under a pseudonym or anonymously (I sure as hell am...). Labels are helpful and, as I have demonstrated recently, also hurtful - especially when the context is not clearly stated and the whole picture is not available.
So, I'll take this moment to thank M. E. for doing what she's doing. She's out there taking the brunt of the heat for making this conversation happen - and at no small cost to herself. I for one an glad that she's doing her thing - helping to change how we see ourselves. Good on her!
I couldn't agree more regarding M.E. Sociopath or not, true stories or not, or any other crap people have called into question about her, she took the L in a number of ways that has led to a better understand (for me, anyway) of PDs. Research is great, diagnostic manuals are dandy, but nothing beats hearing it straight from the horse's mouth.
DeleteN
We could start a support group called assholes anonymous.
DeleteWhat could go wrong? 8D~
DeleteAssholes Anonymous hmm? Gonna be a huge movement. Can people get court ordered to it like AA? Cause I would vote for that.
DeleteSometimes a label helps so you can at least TRY to figure out what to do about something. At least there's a starting point for someone who wants to improve or someone who simply wants some kind of answers or general explanations.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of things about myself that I don't understand, yet don't really matter much to me. But there are a few things that are nagging questions in the back of my mind. At least a label would point me in the right direction as to what my general options are. Staying inside some box is irrelevant on a personal level and seems like more of a choice. For me, the only consequence would be from outsiders boxing me into those four corners, which isn't much of a worry since I wouldn't be tattooing any labels on my forehead.
Reading this blog has really, REALLY brought those nagging questions to the forefront of my mind lately.
N
So if the sociopath/psychopath/whatever is looking at his or her life, having blown things up for the nth time, and thinking, "I need to figure out what is wrong with me. Why do I do this? What have I been all along?" then seeing "oh, I get it, I'm like those dictators and serial killers," is liberating.
ReplyDeleteFinally you can relax into, "I'm not a crow like everyone else, I'm an 'evil' parasitic cuckoo" and try to figure out how to go from there.
At which point, you probably aren't going to be the same anymore. You're still the cuckoo, but at least you don't think you're a crow, and feel bad or conflicted for not fitting with the crow lifestyle. And definitely any shame goes away - the cuckoo sure isn't responsible for being born a cuckoo, any more than the crow is responsible for being a crow.
Meh. If it turns out I'm just a crow, then I'm a crow. If I'm something else, I'm okay with that, too. I'd still like to know.
DeleteI have no deeper explanations for you. So if that doesn't do it for you, I can only shrug my shoulders.
N
To me the label sociopath is opening a door rather than putting things in a box.
DeleteDoctorSciFi:
DeleteDoor to what? A better understand, or an even bigger headache than not knowing?
Do you think that applies to sociopathy specifically, or all PDs in general?
N
N:
DeleteI think it is a bias that comes from identifying sociopathy/psychopathy/AsPD in criminal populations -- the box that is.
I don't think there is any reason to believe there is less variability or complexity amongst socios than amongst empaths -- that's the door to an open-ended aspect of humanity that I wasn't aware of before. Or a door to many passageways and other doors. And I certainly wasn't aware of the danger of harm -- not to say that all socios are harmful but some can be cruel without hesitation, without conscience as it is commonly referred to.
You could say I was naive but I think it is more that I was unaware. Sure it's a headache if you are a person like myself who ran into this unaware of such fundamental differences. There is also the fact that any really interesting problem can be a headache at times. I'd say PD's in general, although I don't consider sociopathy per se to be a PD. In either case, there is a huge difference in my mind between being aware and unaware.
About your comment: "Reading this blog has really, REALLY brought those nagging questions to the forefront of my mind lately. " Me too. Can I ask you what those nagging questions are?
DoctorSciFi:
DeleteWhen I'm curious about something, I like to get down to the very bottom of it. It wasn't enough for me to be told (when I was a kid) that a washing machine is how clothes are cleaned. I needed a step stool to stand on and watch the water pour in and see the agitator spin around. This was, of course, before the days of safety switches that stop washers when you open the lid.
I already know the general "why" when it comes to the cause of my internal darkness. It's because of many, many issues from my childhood and a few from my adulthood. But I want to know why I've reacted the way I have. Some people react to trauma by becoming depressed, some people have PTSD, etc. So I'm interested in why the result of my trauma is what it is. It's not pretty at all and my husband is probably the only person who even comes close to knowing the full extent, even though I still hide and filter quite a bit around him. He only knows from spending so much time with me and from bits and pieces I've willingly shared over the years. I'm not one of those silly people who think that disordered thinking and low empathy are something to wear like a badge of honor or brag about. I'm only really open about it online on appropriate blogs and chat boards, and to that limited extent with my husband.
I'd be asking the same questions regardless of which category I'd fallen into, by the way.
Why am I still so bitter about such old trauma?
Why bitterness as opposed to depression? Not that I prefer one over the other, just the why would be sufficient.
Sometimes, I enjoy being this way. I can be incredibly cruel, calculating and malicious. Is that because I'm inherently a bad person, or am I just fooling myself into thinking I like it?
Why do I hold onto petty grudges for so long?
What kind of person was I going to become had certain things not happened during childhood?
Those are just the basic questions.
N
N, you have probably heard this before.. if you allow people or events to anger you to the point that you remain bitter, those people and events are in fact controlling you. There is no better way to destroy a person or a spirit than to make them angry. Hate, contempt and prolonged anger are destructive feelings. They can be valid, but if you hang on to them as a way of making you feel powerful, you are only fooling yourself, and maybe a few others around you. Do you agree?
DeleteN: Here's a reply to your thoughtful questions:
DeleteI'd be asking the same questions regardless of which category I'd fallen into, by the way.
"Why am I still so bitter about such old trauma?" I wouldn't venture an answer -- just to say that I was struck by the bitterness of my ex, about real events and made up events in his past. Maybe you have some insight into the answer to that question?
"Why bitterness as opposed to depression? Not that I prefer one over the other, just the why would be sufficient." I also had childhood and other trauma. I get depressed. In my case I know 'why'. I won the genetic lottery -- depression on both sides of my family. Fun. Maybe the tendency for bitterness is also genetic but that's just a guess. I can't say that knowing this answer helps me though.
"Sometimes, I enjoy being this way. I can be incredibly cruel, calculating and malicious. Is that because I'm inherently a bad person, or am I just fooling myself into thinking I like it?" Does the pleasure come from feeling powerful, or other feelings? And what does being a 'bad person' mean to you? A depressive also thinks they are a bad person at times but I imagine that definition would be different than how you are using it...
"Why do I hold onto petty grudges for so long?" Is that related to holding on to bitterness from trauma? Do you have a sense that the world is not the way it is supposed to be?
"What kind of person was I going to become had certain things not happened during childhood?" I don't entertain what if questions myself. I think they are unanswerable.
I hope you see this!
OldAndWise:
DeleteI do agree in that context. Thing is, it's not necessarily centered around the feeling of power. Sometimes it's more about protection from others. I suppose that's a form of power...
I don't know if this makes any difference, but my grudges and bitterness stemming from childhood issues are mainly over the events as opposed to the people who caused them. It's mostly vice versa for the things that happen to me now.
N
DrSF:
DeleteWhy am I still so bitter about such old trauma?" I wouldn't venture an answer -- just to say that I was struck by the bitterness of my ex, about real events and made up events in his past. Maybe you have some insight into the answer to that question?"
I'm not sure. Can you give me some idea of what happened to him?
For me, I think that part of it is the constant mourning for the parts of me that were destroyed by certain events; mourning for what I should have been. Perhaps a reluctance to move on from it because that would be permanently leaving it behind with no hope of ever recovering what was lost.
N
I like the cuckoo reference. I'm an atheist (a self-chosen label). I am worse than an atheist. I hate god even though it doesn't exist. If god existed, it would be the ultimate narcissistic psychopath/sociopath entity possible. It's difficult to find, but read the book MILTON'S GOD for the insight (dazzling to me when I read it in graduate school) that Milton realized that god is a bully and satan is the real hero of Milton's poem because satan rebelled against god.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if M.E., bright as she is, has realized that Mormons are (metaphorically, of course) religious cuckoos. Joseph Smith may be typical of religious leaders from thousands of years ago. If so, what a fine example. Charismatic, pathological liar, collected money and sex slaves. What about that Mountain Meadows massacre as far as the kindness and altruism of Mormons go?
Smith (quite insane) thought he would replace Jesus and Mohammed in the hearts of Americans. He thought Christians would flock to him as the new Messiah. Quite a few did, but not as many as his grandiosity and megalomania demanded. Eventually, after Smith was martyred (taking “method acting” too literally), the Mormon church went cuckoo. Just as the cuckoo chicks take over the nest, the later Mormons gave up polygamy, stopped racist prattling about Afro-Americans, and discovered they were really “Christians” all along. They have come close to electing a Mormon President of the United States (and there's still a chance of it happening). If that isn't a cuckoo triumph on a grand scale, I don't know what is.
When are we atheists going to get a President elected? Fat chance. We are like wolverines. Ugly and vicious and solitary. Even for weasels (probably the mammal species besides humans that most deservers to be “labeled” sociopathic) wolverines are the ugliest and most vicious weasels.
With us wolverine atheists, at least what you see is what you get.
ELECT AN ATHEIST WOLVERINE PRESIDENT!!!!!!
Most presidents are atheists pretending to have a religion (the most popular religion of their countries). Pretending to have an ideology or religion is a strategy often used by politicians.
DeleteJust curious Anon. Is everyone with an Afro an Afro American? Nappy Haired peoples of the World Unite!
DeleteBeing sociopath is shameful. A queer.. not so much. It's just a sexual preference that holds no comparison to a manipulative socio who desires to harm.
ReplyDeleteBeing a queer used to be shameful. Society, for the most part, only recently began to accept queer and transgender as equal citizens. In many parts of the world it will still get you legally killed, incarcerated, or placed in a mental institution. You might want to consider that. The same social forces that drive people to hate queers around the world are the ones that you are using to justify your dislike/hatred of sociopaths.
DeleteBy your logic being gay is a choice and everyone on the planet should accept that person's choice. (Not so sure on the choice thing myself but what the hell, it's your argument so let's go with that). Being "empathy impaired" however is NOT a choice. So your supposition is that it is perfectly fine to discriminate based on the circumstances people are born to but less so for a CHOICE?
Check your logic. Check your own empathy. I keep seeing all the hate from norms against us and very little empathy of the kind they say they hate us for not possessing. Hypocrites much?
This all boils down to social acceptance of certain mental and physical attributes and not of others. Has not our society benefited when it becomes accepting of people as people instead of hating that part of society we are not?
I have a news flash. Emoters hurt just as many people as sociopaths do. They can be just as cruel, just as "evil" and they rationalize it away just like we do. They don't "feel bad" about hurting people either. In fact THEY ENJOY IT. At least we just get a brain thrill out of it. They get actual EMOTIONAL SATISFACTION from it. Who are the evil ones now? I think this is the crux of the riddle here. Norms hate us not because we gt a thrill out of hurting people but BECAUSE WE DON'T GET an emotional thrill from hurting people like they do. Kinda sick no?
In my world being a sociopath or gay or both is just a state of being. Everyone is more than their label. Everyone is a unique human being. Judge people by what they do not what they are. Or just stop judging people all together.
So if I like sucking cock like I'm on its life support, I guess my label would be whore... to the outsiders looking in right. Even though I remain with one man. Nice.
ReplyDeleteLol stamped and sealed.
I'm joking......sarcasm people.
well maybe just a little. ;)
Superchick:
DeleteI like your idea of being on cock like it's life support. Wouldn't that mean we NEED it? How is it being a whore if you need it to live? You're just a gal trying to survive.
It's cock logic and I love it.
N
God, you know a brain scan of a person sucking cock on life support looks alot different, I would guess, than a brain scan of that person in their normal state.
DeleteIt's a huge change. Some parts of the brain shut down, like in orgasm, and other parts turn on. There could be more changes in the brain of a person sucking cock than in the man who owns that cock. It's primal and part of how humans are built.
Some people get off on associating longing to reach that state with being a whore. Some just see it as part of who they are.
@Superchick: LOL! Lucky Man. 8)~
ReplyDeleteSeriously though. there's something very arousing about
ReplyDeletemonkey/female interactions. There was a famous poster showing a
gorilla with a naked blond woman in his arms. Pornography featuring
men in ape suits fornicating with white girls is very popular. The woman,
obviously, has to look like she's very into it. Some conservative man
commented about a photo he'd seen about a man in a gorilla costume
on top of a blond girl, and she had her mouth open in joy. "Animals," he
said. I saw another series of photo's in a magazine when, again a woman
has her legs up in the air, and a gorilla is on top. She also acts as if she
is in excestey. There's something quite "primal," about the ape/female
interaction.
I read in the book "Vagina: A Biography" by Namoi Wolff, that women like
it better if the man doesn't wear a condom, because they like the "feel"
of the seamon inside them. The ejaculate is suppost to have chemical
substances that help the woman climax. I can only imagine what ape
seamon does to a woman.
Monkeys raised in captivity can perform with women. American soliders
during the Second World War saw exhabitions in North Africa where
Monkey's copulated with women. "Nothing poketh and stroketh like an
ape."
Sociopaths try everything once. It might be a "delicious" experience.
I await your reports.
You know what I thought was weirdest about this comment? That you actually read Naomi Wolf.
DeleteDude, you really need to see a donkey show.
DeleteDr. Ginger, you predictably get me to laugh. How's that for therapy? If therapist were humorous and could get their patients to laugh (which is dreadfully not apt in most cases) my guess is that therapy would be more successful. Comedy classes in med school:) You could write a manual on that? One page even? 2 paragraphs? 2 sentences?...
DeleteAbout assholes anonymous, hahalol. Yeah I've been an asshole at times unaware or out of control up to some limits (which are different for each person -- those limits).
But I did not intend to be so, and felt guilt and remorse when I realize what an asshole I was. And then I have learned to be less often an asshole. I always apologize, always did, and felt good about it. Cause it let the other person know that I understood their limits and my own idiocyncratic deficiencies and we could get back on the same page based on mutual respect.
Then there is the second type of asshole (type 2) who is indifferent to hurting others (but again everyone has there own limits -- ya know murder is not on the table for example). This is the indifferent asshole who feels no enduring remorse or guilt, but hurts with intent to satisfy some utilitarian purpose, but is neutral in that they don't get wonderfully gleeful satisfaction out of it. They are not sadist.
Then there is the 3rd type of asshole, the sadists hurts with gleeful intent. They are motivated to hurt, machine-like.
Maybe there are more types of assholes or maybe this is not a good classification of assholeness.
The biggest problem I have in all this is getting my head around the mindset of asshole type 2 and asshole type 3.
And again I think the box here is that sociopathy was originally studied in prison populations, whereas most sociopaths are not in prison. So it is all fucked up from the beginning. I think this is also how it comes about that deviancy like bestiality gets vomited here. It's that box again. My view is that in order for real communication to happen, we've got to open some doors to get out of that box.
N: I appreciate your sharing. It takes some time for me to get my head around a response.
ps Asshole type 4 is the hypocritic one, who uniformly denies to themselves and to others that they have ever been an asshole. A wonder that one.
DeleteSo by your taxonomy of assholieness (or, is it assholishness?...I don't recall covering that one in English Class...), I could qualify as any of the three - and maybe that's part of the BPD process?
DeleteMost days I'm a Type 1 - I'm actively trying to keep my assholiness in check and appropriately chastising myself when I get out of line; I'm trying to be mindful of it so as to avoid being an asshole to people I care about (or, sometimes need...that's tougher...).
But, some days, I gotta do dirty work - sometimes for myself, sometimes for my boss. Those days, I am an unqualified Type 2 asshole. It's just work - it's nothing personal.
And, once in a while, I really get triggered and I take great joy in being a true blue flaming in your face ASSHOLE. Type 3 all the way. That's what I call knives out and grinning.
But, this little exposition does at least demonstrate that I'm not a Type 4, so the day isn't a complete loss.
8D~
Anon, yes it's the throb of the penis I feel and that warm semen rejuvenating me, extacy!
DeleteDoc, I like your asshole classifications, lolol ;)
HL , haha, it's bpd assholian type 1,2,3, I circulate between them too, but where nice assholes. :p
Delete@DrSciFi: I should also mention some other subtle distinctions about Type 3 in my case - it's usually not at all cold and machine like; it's quiet passionate, really. Type 2 is cold - I sometimes like those people, so I have to disconnect to avoid feeling bad.
Delete@ Superchick: Assholian! Another variation! See, that's why I went into engineering - it's all just math. *smirk*
For the borderlines here...do you guys think about power a lot? I'm curious how other bpd's compare to me when it comes to that. I don't think I'm evil, at least not how it's generally defined, but if left to my own devices god only knows what would happen. Occasionally I have to be reeled in. I try to surround myself with sane, stable people so I don't get too carried away. You can always gauge how far you have gone by other people's reactions to you. I let them set the boundaries, and social rules, and I just try to follow along although it's inevitable I will break the rules.
DeleteDr. Ginger, all the BPD's I know are seriously into the power play thing as much as Narcs and Socios are. I think we all express it differently but it just boils down to a matter of preferential approach. Much like female and male sociopaths present differently in the power spheres they target.
DeleteI would be curious to find out how often the norms think about power though. I know I think about it a lot more than a norm would. At least I think I do. I analyze most of my relationships to see where I fall on the power spectrum. One on one and groups. Work, play or other social situations I always analyze the power dynamics of any situation. I no longer feel the need to interject myself into them anymore though. Don't get me wrong I still fell the URGE to meddle/rule. I just don't act on it anymore unless it would benefit the group. I am perfectly content to just an observer/facilitator now as it is just as amusing.
If I am reading your post right you seem to feel it is a dilemma for you. The way I overcame my urge to control was realizing it was a dual manifestation of ego and fear. You are driven to control/meddle by the illusion that the outcome will be unfavorable to you and the ego masturbation that comes with fact that if it turns out well when you do meddle that you can claim that as a victory. It boils down to you not trusting that the outcome of a given situation will resolve favorably, for you anyway, WITHOUT your express intervention. You need to realize that you can't possibly control the outcome of any event. There are just too many variables. All you do by trying to control it is pissing people off and frustrating yourself. Step back. Take yourself out of the equation. Let it unfold naturally. When you feel the fear/frustration taking hold write it down and examine WHY you are feeling that way? Is this REALLY important? What is the worst possible thing that could happen if you just let everything unfold naturally? People are going to act as they will. Let them. Just sit back and watch the play unfold. Know that the need to control is driven by fear. To control is to give in to the fear. Accept the situation, acknowledge that control is an illusion, practice patience. Try this a few times and note each time that it works. After a few times you will start getting a belief that this method works and note also how much mellower you can be when you do this. Let me know how it goes.
Well said, as usual, PB.
DeleteI will add, that my default mode these days is less about "power" per se, and more about "self determination." Maybe is maturity, maybe having kids, maybe something else, but I have a sense of my own limitations where true control is concerned. For me it's about finding a "space" where I don't have to think about power. I don't actually need control - just a reasonable assurance that no one will mess with me or mine.
Puppy Basket,
DeleteThanks for responding. I appreciate it. “I analyze most of my relationships to see where I fall on the power spectrum. One on one and groups. Work, play or other social situations I always analyze the power dynamics of any situation.” I can relate with this. I do the same thing. I think I find some kind of solace by coming to this site knowing there are people who experience similar things to what I do. I dated an attorney for awhile who was what a lot of people on this site would probably call “narcissistic”. I don’t really know anyone who does or thinks about some of the things that I do. I would tell him some of my darker thoughts, and he just couldn’t comprehend it, and thought I was joking. He would say my appearance just doesn’t match my personality. I frequently get treated like the dumb blonde, and he would say it just doesn’t make sense that I have this inner Wednesday. I told him I knew how he was perceiving me, but I have a very bold personality, and I feel like I’m a 6’3 guy, and look like Richard Kuklinski : ) He was a bit of a misogynist, and just wrote it off. Thinking about power the way that I do isn’t a dilemma for me, and I don’t think power in and of itself should be pathologized. I think what helps me is recognizing that not everyone feels that way that I do. Not everyone wants to cause destruction the way that I do. They operate from a more capitulant mentality, and feel more comfortable being cooperative, and it’s this type of personality that keeps things together. It’s what helps keep society more stable. If everyone was like me it would be chaotic and disastrous.
Doc, sometimes I think it's evolutionary, The power within cluster b personalities that gets passed from generations. Plus environment. Where made for so much more than we give ourselves credit for. Idk :) Taming the wildness/power mode is going to be useful to one or else sometimes one can get into sabotage mode if ones not supplying or feeding the power. The power comes from letting go. Humility. Mindfulness exercises helps me to give it away- the talents were all created for ( the power). The universe will supply what you need.
DeleteI've been able to grasp the bigger picture of SociopathWorld.
ReplyDeleteGo on...?
DeleteThe Author of this blog might be Machiavellian. Diverting and deflecting the real issue of the matter at hand.
DeleteOh dear. What is the "big issue" then dear? do tell...
DeleteWait, no, don't tell me, you have figured out our plot to take over the world!
Exactly, Just as I thought. ;)
Deletethey`re shills.
Deletebullshit artists, nothing more.
a real Sociopath wouldn't give a shit about all this garbage.
they want everybody to turn into Sociopaths.
hints: SociopathWorld
plus the word Sociopath is just some made up nonsense...
nonsense made up by weird psychologists
I've seen M.E. Thomas stutter in her interviews, a Sociopath wouldn't do that. So I think everyone here might be Machiavellian or a Narcissist. At least the one who made this page does a good job of being Machiavellian.
ReplyDeleteME Machiavellian? You've got to be kidding.
DeleteThe woman who gets other people to make most of her decisions? Who takes an hour and almost has a meltdown when she has to pick between different breads?
Either you haven't read the blog much or you need to Google "Machiavellian" some more.
She is a textbook Narcissist.
Stutterers can't be sociopaths? Wtf? I am a sociopath and I occasionally stutter in conversation. Interviews can make anybody nervous. I have amazing control usually. I can do public speaking and extemporaneous dialogue with panache. I am rarely thrown in conversation but it is a minefield sometimes. I do stutter or let the mask slip at times when I get flustered.
DeleteThis usually only happens when people ask me a question I don't have a "prepped" answer for or I know from their reaction that I blew the "human test". Meaning I had an inappropriate facial/emotional reaction to something they said and I know from their reaction that my mask slipped. I really sometimes hate that confused expression that fades into appalled on people's faces that occurs when I slip up. Sometimes I can cover and sometimes I get a little flustered. It does not mean I am not a sociopath it in fact means I am.
All of us are more and less than our labels. Nobody is a "picture perfect" walking stereotype.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I am imagining something, but I think Mr. Dowling is what as known as a spammer. Does he think he has something to gain by posting an incoherent comment to this web site (not the first from this gentleman, I think), or is he just an ordinary garden variety non-organic psychopath or even plain insane?
ReplyDeleteMy guess is he's really an anal sex toy salesman.
DeleteN
Ask him about his line of Bronie Tails -
DeleteOoooh I want some Brony Tails. Do you think he has a Rainbow Dash Extra large with ribbing?
DeleteLOL
DeleteThere is no shame in being a Bee-Keeper..
ReplyDeleteIf you put your hands on the bees' knees, don't let your hand stray higher.
ReplyDeleteMy name is carol williams ,from U.S.A,in 2014 May precisely marked our 4 years of marriage without a baby or fruit of the worm, my husband wasn't happy with this problem we encounter in the family, he went out and decide to live with his colleague in office,since them my life turn down.after 5 month not seeing my husband a lady l shared apartment with introduce a Man to me DR.Ogboni.I explained my problem to him.he posted some powerful spiritual item to my Home through carrier service.he instructed me on how to use the spiritual item,without paying any Money,to my surprise after 3days he did and my husband came back to me,both of us cry our eye out 2 months later when we moved back together when i told him i was pregnant for him that we are going to have a baby l promise to share my experience because I strongly believe someone may also be in the position. you can contact him via email;(ogbonispelitemple@hotmail.com)
ReplyDelete