I realized that I referenced this Hervey Cleckley Mask of Sanity story in the book, but never posted it here. It's hilarious, one of my favorite, particularly because of the old-timey narration. I'm sure many will recognize some of their tendencies here:
In psychopaths and in many other people who cannot be correctly placed with the well-defined homosexual group, there are varying degrees of susceptibility or inclination to immature or deviated sex practices. In contrast with others, the psychopath requires impulses of scarcely more than whimlike intensity to bring about unacceptable behavior in the sexual field or in any other. Even the faintest or most fleeting notion or inclination to forge a check, to steal his uncle's watch, to see if he can seduce his best friend's wife, or to have a little fling at fellatio, is by no means unlikely to emerge as the deed. The sort of repugnance or other inhibiting force that would prevent any or all such impulses from being followed (or perhaps from even becoming conscious impulses) in another person is not a factor that can be counted on to play much part in the psychopath's decisions
The activities of a typical patient of this sort whom I once studied are highly illustrative. This 27-year-old man, honor graduate of a college despite great irregularity in his studies, had for a number of years followed a career so similar to those of the other patients cited that there is no point in going into detail. He showed no indications of ordinary homosexuality in manner, dress, physique, or in personality features. He had been rather active in heterosexual relations since about fifteen, his partners being professionals, girls of respectable family, and married women.
All of these relations had apparently been to him more or less equivalent and entirely without personal significance. He admitted having once or twice, and more or less experimentally, submitted to the wishes of a homosexual and also to a couple of blundering ventures into deviated activity while drinking with others apparently more like himself. These did not seem to give him any particular satisfaction, and there is reason to believe that he distinctly preferred what he did with women. To the patient, any idea that he might be a homosexual seemed absurd
In the absence of any persistent or powerful urge in this specific direction, the patient, apparently without much previous thought, hit upon the notion of picking up four Negro men who worked in the fields not far from his residence. In a locality where the Ku Klux Klan (and its well-known attitudes) at the time enjoyed a good deal of popularity, this intelligent and in some respects distinguished young man showed no compunction about taking from the field these unwashed laborers, whom he concealed in the back of a pickup truck, with him into a well-known place of amorous rendezvous. At the place he chose, "tourists' cabins" were discreetly set up in such a way that women brought by men to them for familiar purposes could enter without the possible embarrassment of being identified by the management. Despite these facilities suspicion arose, and the patient was surprised by the man in charge of the resort while in the process of carrying out fellatio on his four companions. He had chosen to take the oral role
When seen not long after this event, the young man was courteous but a trifle impatient about how long he might have to be hospitalized. He showed some concern with what use psychiatric examination might be in helping him avoid the term of imprisonment that would, according to the law, befall him if he should be convicted of the charges made by the proprietor and which he did not deny. This possibility did not, however, greatly alarm him
He had often evaded penalties for antisocial acts in the past, and he had a good deal of easy confidence. Although he expressed regret and said his prank was quite a mistake, he seemed totally devoid of deep embarrassment. On the whole, his attitude might be suggested by such phrases as "Well, boys will be boys," or "Now wasn't that a foolish damn thing for me to do." These were not his literal words, but they are congruent with his behavior. By some legal step, his family, whose members were wealthy and influential, succeeded in having him avoid trial. Finding himself free, he left against medical advice within a few days
As might be expected, in view of their incapacity for object love, the sexual aims of psychopaths do not seem to include any important personality relations or any recognizable desire or ability to explore or possess or significantly ravish the partner in a shared experience. Their positive activities are consistently and parsimoniously limited to literal physical contact and relatively free of the enormous emotional concomitants and the complex potentialities that make adult love relations an experience so thrilling and indescribable. Consequently they seem to regard sexual activity very casually, sometimes apparently finding it less shocking and enthralling than a sensitive normal man would find even the glance of his beloved.
None of the psychopaths personally observed have impressed me as having particularly strong sex cravings even in this uncomplicated and poverty stricken sense. Indeed, they have nearly all seemed definitely less moved to obtain genital pleasure than the ordinary run of people. The impression one gets is that their amativeness is little more than a simple itch and that even the itch is seldom, if ever, particularly intense.
In psychopaths and in many other people who cannot be correctly placed with the well-defined homosexual group, there are varying degrees of susceptibility or inclination to immature or deviated sex practices. In contrast with others, the psychopath requires impulses of scarcely more than whimlike intensity to bring about unacceptable behavior in the sexual field or in any other. Even the faintest or most fleeting notion or inclination to forge a check, to steal his uncle's watch, to see if he can seduce his best friend's wife, or to have a little fling at fellatio, is by no means unlikely to emerge as the deed. The sort of repugnance or other inhibiting force that would prevent any or all such impulses from being followed (or perhaps from even becoming conscious impulses) in another person is not a factor that can be counted on to play much part in the psychopath's decisions
The activities of a typical patient of this sort whom I once studied are highly illustrative. This 27-year-old man, honor graduate of a college despite great irregularity in his studies, had for a number of years followed a career so similar to those of the other patients cited that there is no point in going into detail. He showed no indications of ordinary homosexuality in manner, dress, physique, or in personality features. He had been rather active in heterosexual relations since about fifteen, his partners being professionals, girls of respectable family, and married women.
All of these relations had apparently been to him more or less equivalent and entirely without personal significance. He admitted having once or twice, and more or less experimentally, submitted to the wishes of a homosexual and also to a couple of blundering ventures into deviated activity while drinking with others apparently more like himself. These did not seem to give him any particular satisfaction, and there is reason to believe that he distinctly preferred what he did with women. To the patient, any idea that he might be a homosexual seemed absurd
In the absence of any persistent or powerful urge in this specific direction, the patient, apparently without much previous thought, hit upon the notion of picking up four Negro men who worked in the fields not far from his residence. In a locality where the Ku Klux Klan (and its well-known attitudes) at the time enjoyed a good deal of popularity, this intelligent and in some respects distinguished young man showed no compunction about taking from the field these unwashed laborers, whom he concealed in the back of a pickup truck, with him into a well-known place of amorous rendezvous. At the place he chose, "tourists' cabins" were discreetly set up in such a way that women brought by men to them for familiar purposes could enter without the possible embarrassment of being identified by the management. Despite these facilities suspicion arose, and the patient was surprised by the man in charge of the resort while in the process of carrying out fellatio on his four companions. He had chosen to take the oral role
When seen not long after this event, the young man was courteous but a trifle impatient about how long he might have to be hospitalized. He showed some concern with what use psychiatric examination might be in helping him avoid the term of imprisonment that would, according to the law, befall him if he should be convicted of the charges made by the proprietor and which he did not deny. This possibility did not, however, greatly alarm him
He had often evaded penalties for antisocial acts in the past, and he had a good deal of easy confidence. Although he expressed regret and said his prank was quite a mistake, he seemed totally devoid of deep embarrassment. On the whole, his attitude might be suggested by such phrases as "Well, boys will be boys," or "Now wasn't that a foolish damn thing for me to do." These were not his literal words, but they are congruent with his behavior. By some legal step, his family, whose members were wealthy and influential, succeeded in having him avoid trial. Finding himself free, he left against medical advice within a few days
As might be expected, in view of their incapacity for object love, the sexual aims of psychopaths do not seem to include any important personality relations or any recognizable desire or ability to explore or possess or significantly ravish the partner in a shared experience. Their positive activities are consistently and parsimoniously limited to literal physical contact and relatively free of the enormous emotional concomitants and the complex potentialities that make adult love relations an experience so thrilling and indescribable. Consequently they seem to regard sexual activity very casually, sometimes apparently finding it less shocking and enthralling than a sensitive normal man would find even the glance of his beloved.
None of the psychopaths personally observed have impressed me as having particularly strong sex cravings even in this uncomplicated and poverty stricken sense. Indeed, they have nearly all seemed definitely less moved to obtain genital pleasure than the ordinary run of people. The impression one gets is that their amativeness is little more than a simple itch and that even the itch is seldom, if ever, particularly intense.
I'd suggest this relies on the person in question more so than their psychopathy.
ReplyDeleteSome people find sex interesting, or empowering, or even powerful as a weapon. Personally, I find it delightful to strip aside the shields of someone I've known for a long time and fuck them in all their glorious new vulnerability. It's fascinating to watch how people change under the new scenario of sex.
Others don't; they find sex drab, exertive or uninteresting.
As such, I find it logical to understand that psychopaths with an interest in sex would actively seek it out, whereas those who don't, wouldn't. The only common thread in this scenario--the psychopathy aspect of it all--is the emotional distance and casual, whimsical approach to something other people find to be so emotionally powerful.
You are actually fuc-ing yourself. Because you've known this person for a long time, and there is awareness of everything that's occurring, including the full workings of your mind, the other person is testing you sex-wise (your intentions, to see how far you'd go, your resolve).
DeleteYour fuc-ing "them in all their glorious new vulnerability" is an illusion. You're not winning anything, and none of it is empowering. Clearly, you're losing more of yourself in this process and so, fuc-ing yourself.
Also, merely talking about, or exchanging words about sex with that person you've known for a long time, does not mean that you've stripped aside their shields or fuc-ed them in all their vulnerability. What might appear to you like a "delightful" win is actually a mere conversation about sex in the form of a test to the other person. In your illusion, you're confusing mere words with actions that never took place. You need to have the ability or to learn to distinguish between what's real and what's not, as well as when the other person you've known for so long is just testing you sex-wise. Once you do, you will no longer lose more of yourself, or fuc- yourself as you'd put it in your terminology.
DeleteThree Stages of Sex:
DeleteStage 1: Kitchen Sex - you're so hot for each other you do it anywhere, including the kitchen.
Stage 2: Bedroom Sex - you've settled into a groove and you keep it private (more or less ;p).
Stage 3: Hallway Sex - you walk past each other in the hallway and say, "fuck you!"
As I read about the three stages in your comment, I was reminded about these seven stages or rather "The Seven Ages of Man." While my recollection did not have to do with anything related to age, this piece on "The True Meaning of the Seven Ages of Man" sounded different, and it's no wonder that it made me re-think its meaning. Apparently, the poem delivers an even deeper meaning than we were previously able to grasp. It's funny, too.
Deletehttp://jeffnails.hubpages.com/hub/-The-True-Meaning-of-the-Seven-Ages-of-a-Man-by-William-Shakespeare
Kitchen, hallway, bedroom, red room.... It's all good. :)
Delete"red room"? Is that a special type of dungeonarium? lol
DeleteIt's a reference to 50 Shades of Grey. The movie wasn't very good, but that dungeon was fucking beautiful.
DeleteI think its true that hollow men do not see themselves "as a sexuality", like many empaths do. And many most likely see "the urge" as just an annoying "toilet thing"? And most probably prefer their sexual activity with the person they like best, themselves..
ReplyDeleteCorrespondingly, hollow men "fuck themselves," as table "advertised."
DeleteWhat a load of crap. I am highly sociopathic, and I do not consider sex to be akin to "some toilet thing". Your comment lacks coherence and insight. We may compartmentalize love and lust, and our "love language" may differ from the the means of expression preferred by the majority, but to imply that we cannot enjoy any form of intimacy with other human beings is false.
DeleteAh, Cleckley.
ReplyDeleteAh, Fleck-ley.
DeleteSome of us are such asocial, repulsive, freaks, that we can never expect to
ReplyDeleteobtain sex in the "normal" way. To actually get sex from the kind of person we
REALLY want it from is a distant dream.
That's why sometimes two sociopaths or more team up to get what they never
could get alone. Sorry to inform you folks that the only reason you've survived
up to this point is pure luck.
Can you expand what you mean by "kind of person we REALLY want it from"? Please do explain in details...
DeleteYou speak only for yourself. Change your behavior. Take a shower. Wash your clothes. Your "freakish, asocial, repulsive" nature is self-imposed, and provides a convenient excuse for self-victimization. You are not a "misunderstood", special snowflake; you are crushed by the weight of your low self-esteem and self-defeating attitude. Self-deprecation, which you express as waving your freak flag high, has become your armor. Shed it, and perhaps you will attract the kind of person that deep down, you do not feel that you deserve, but wish you did. When you take responsibility for yourself, perhaps you will finally arrest the bitterness, resentment and hatred that fester like cancerous ulcers in your soul. Your torment is thoroughly unnecessary.
DeleteYou're welcome. :)
Well said A. Potentially awakening,
DeleteAre you the same A that used to post a few months back?
Woao A! You go!! It needed to be said :)
DeleteA keeps it real.
Delete(Indigo copy of initial note)
DeleteMiscellaneous note about commenter A.
The subject is too emotional, and his intelligence is too low for this sociopathic study. It was not even a farce. Must be disqualified. After the first assessment, he seems to be taking this personally, too.
Off-checked and Eliminated.
You're just someone who compartmentalizes love and lust. A lot of women don't do that. Some of us do. Nobody would call you a sociopath, autistic, or otherwise bat an eyelash if you made that comment from the vantage point of a man. (I'm not saying you are or you aren't, just that your attitude towards sex may or may not be reflective of a personality disorder)
DeleteThat said, people with sociopathic tendencies are apt to compartmentalize many aspects of their lives. Integration is not our strong suit.
I will say this: Sex is better when you fully trust the other person. I'd say trust is more conducive to genuine intimacy than sex. If you're kinky, forget about messing around with someone with whom you have not cultivated a bond of trust; you're asking for trouble (and potential litigation, lol)
I'm thinking a lot about intimacy these days. I used to think I was stunted in this way, but I am coming to understand that I just express it differently. I am not the most emotionally self-aware person. It is (gasp!) one of my weaknesses. :P
Oops. That was supposed to be in reply to a comment "Clueless" made. Not sure why it showed up here. (Guess I'm pretty clueless, lol)
Delete@O&W: Yes.
"The sexual aims of psychopaths do not seem to include any important personality relations or any recognizable desire or ability to explore or possess or significantly ravish the partner in a shared experience."
ReplyDeleteOuch.
My socio and I are having an affair (he's in an established long-term relationship otherwise). We'd known each other for years and the sexual tension had been present long before we acted on it. There are practically no limits from a sexual point of view and to me this is an intimacy I'd never had with anyone else.
On the other hand, he's always been odd about, say, going for drinks (even if other mutual friends are present) or telling me about what he was up to. When we started having sex I thought this level of intimacy would change that. After all, we'd shared everything from a physical point of view, how could we not share such trivial things as what he was working on or going for drinks?
But we can't. He doesn't seem to have any apparent wish to share any other type of experience. I'd say he finds the idea of some our dirtiest sex acts less shocking than the idea of going for drinks with me.
I am the same Anon who replied to table's comment earlier today. While heading for a pratfall and having fallen into it by the time you've finished your comment, a couple of things toppled into a cropper. While you've apparently tried to get a point across, which I have touched upon in my last line, your comment "carries no real weight." At best, your whole farce or, let's say, pastiche sounds like a concoction to me, mixed into a loose, cocktail drink. Honestly.
Delete"...some our dirtiest sex acts less shocking than the idea of going for drinks with me."
Flop. As an aside to that, the only word that comes to mind is parody. Having smelled the fishy surface, looking deeper into seeking any sense of reality in it would be pointless.
Not having "any apparent wish to share any other type of experience" is, needless to say, unhealthy.
Maybe he doesn't really respect you since you are basically with him knowing that he is in a long term relationship.
DeleteI hope not. I turned him down for years because of that and only yielded after reaching a certain emotional closeness and openness. I think he has respect for that, and also for facing up to the attraction and working out an arrangement in the end. Maybe it's more a question of separating things in his mind - I'm not part of certain life spheres.
DeleteHe doesn't wish to share any other sphere if his life with you because you likely embarrass him. He has no respect for you whatsoever. He got what he wanted, and now you are a convenient lay when he can't get something "better".
DeleteNo amount of sex is going to change that. He isn't interested in cultivating intimacy with you. He never was. You were a challenge, and once he conquered you, he lost all interest. He's using you, and is likely ashamed of you and afraid of getting caught in his affair, since he won't appear in public with you.
The guy is a complete asshole. Dump him like yesterday's trash and move on.
He'll come sniffing around again. Step on him. Unless you do, you have only yourself to blame for any emotional upheaval you experience on his account. He isn't worthy to lick the dirt off of your shoe.
To aspie, Anonymous (5:38 AM) and A (2:21 PM), because you sound like the same person.
DeleteI am the same Anonymous from 9:42 AM.
Your comments sound like a complete, continuous farce to me. Unreal.
Yeah. That would be on account of your complete lack of discernment. You are so wrapped up in yourself that you don't actually read what others are saying: you just like the sound of your own vacuous prose. For all your complaints about how "fabricated" the comments of others sound, your own are entirely devoid of substance. That is classic projection. Your analogies are piss-poor, and you have not responded meaningfully to anything anyone has said. Table's terse comment was far more insightful than all your empty words.
DeleteAdmit it. You were just looking for an excuse to use the word "pastiche", you insufferable farce. xD
Honestly. :)
DeleteMiscellaneous note about commenter A.
DeleteThe subject is too emotional, and his intelligence is too low for this sociopathic study. It was not even a farce. Must be disqualified. After the first assessment, he seems to be taking this personally, too.
Off-checked and Eliminated.
For Anonymous (at 6:52 AM). You should not write these types of messages, because there is someone else on here (not me) who misinterprets them (as a delusion/illusion as it has also happened, for instance, on G+). While you meant your messages in a strictly funny or farcical way, it was not taken as such by this other person, and this is not the only message of this nature. Unfortunately, not everybody understands reality as it is. I hope that you're able to discern my meaning in this situation.
DeleteFor Anonymous (at 6:52 AM)
Deletetypo - message instead of messages
I don't know whether you're doing this to be funny, to engage in a farce or to play with someone's mind (of course, not referring to myself), but, as I said, unfortunately, not everybody understand reality as it is, and you should be mindful and aware of that when writing your messages.
Eh. I don't really think you're the best judge of "reality as it is". You mistook me for a man, Anon 6:52, and Aspie. That's three strikes, which doesn't bode well for your track-record.
DeleteYou, on the other hand, are easily identified by your blatant projections, smug sense of (non-existant) intellectual superiority, and the misinformed notion that sociopaths are supposed to sound and act like robots- as well as your bizarre predilection for the word "farce". :)
"That's three strikes, which doesn't bode well for your track-record...smug sense of (non-existant) intellectual superiority, and the misinformed notion that sociopaths are supposed to sound and act like robots- as well as your bizarre predilection for the word "farce"."
DeleteThese are gross exaggerations, coming from the mind of a person with mental problems. Take care of them.
I'm reading Hare's book - Without Conscience - and I am finding that it's actually a fun read. I'm not sure that's what Bobby had in mind, but the anecdotes and vignettes make me giggle. And, that gets some strange looks when I'm reading it in public...
ReplyDeleteI like how Maude Lebowski put it: "sex can be a zesty enterprise." People do seem to make it complicated though - not just as individuals but also all the cultural baggage we drag into it (at least in here in "'merka").
I never really regarded "random buggering" as anything more than two people who just want to have sex - but then I guess I don't get quite the same oxytocin/vasopressin kick that a lot of other people get out of it - dopamine by the bucket though...
Had Bobby Hare used the word "merka" in his book, the main postulate would have turned pivotal.
DeleteLOL!!!
DeleteYou could use "Merka!!!" and "LOL!!!" interchangeably on here.
DeleteJocular.
LOL!!! is easier for us knuckle draggers.
DeleteI haven't heard the words
Deleteknuckle draggers
in quite some time,
but every time I hear it,
a very grubby visual
pops in my head.
It makes me laugh.
"To each his own."
I realize that it should have been them instead of it (but every time I hear them; the words), but I was going for grubby in that particular comment, so...
DeleteI suppose that, in my case, I should stick to my own style; hence, which is quite true, "to each his own."
Replace "words" with "term" in the first line and it all works out.
Delete...but, to each their own.
Knuckle draggers is made up of two terms, so it would still be them.
DeleteI wrote to each his own because that is the correct wording of the idiom. In other words, and quite clearly, my style of expression is, indeed, my own style (singular form).
Can someone enlighten me as to why sex is such a sacred thing? Especially for chicks, I don't understand. I'm a chick and I feel the same after, just less horny.
ReplyDeleteIs it because of the level of physical closeness? I've had sex with a lot of people and when I break up with them after then they seem really upset, compared to when I don't have sex with them and break up. Also, why does cheating piss people off? Is it because of a sense of ownership? It goes against evolution if you think about it. The more partners you have, the more likely your genes are to survive and cross over into the next generation.
I think I'm autistic or something because I'm clueless. I like to fuck with peoples emotions though, as an experiment to see how people react in certain circumstances. When they flip out I can calm them down and i think that's really fun. It cures my boredom.
I meet all of the diagnostic criteria for Antisocial personality disorder, but that would mean that there is a 'normal' personality, which is stupid.
In general, after a breakup, people can react in identical ways in both situations (1. sex or 2. no sex involved).
DeleteNow, having brought this up and because you're so clueless, you shouldn't assume that you were really the one who broke up those relationships, or that those people were truly upset. Relationships don't follow a set pattern of thinking. Here is a clue for you:
There are always two sides of a coin.
You sound like a normal asshole.
DeleteYou forgot to say sacred.
Delete4 unwashed black guys? That's got to be some kind of mental disorder. He probably got off on thinking that he was having possibly a big impact on the black guys in terms of affecting their thinking with regards to normal expectations and also in just doing whatever he wanted.
ReplyDeleteI like sex because at a minimum I can escape into the build up to it.. the anticipation. I can look forward to the orgasm.. the quality of which varies but even on a bad day, it is something. In my life, though I am by no means at all promiscuous (partly a result of social phobia but also because of a strong fear of HIV) sex and an orgasm has been something I could always count on when my mood was depressed or there seemed to be no point to anything. The excitement, the escape, the orgasm, the ritual. If I didn't have that I'm not so sure I could have survived my life. I'm less like that now in that I dont' get depressed much any more and I do like the physical connection with people sometimes beyond the getoff. I also like being fully present in the act and I think it is a lot of fun and can be really something with the right person.
I was going to tweet this, but I couldn't remember my twitter login. And then I couldn't remember my password for it. And I only have 1 follower and I don't know who they are or why they're following me so no one wold see my tweet.
ReplyDeleteit's unrelated to the post:
"How psychopaths hide in plain sight"
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/features/how-psychopaths-hide-in-plain-sight--a-psychological-analysis-of-serial-killer-dennis-rader-10067795.html
M.E. is Jamie Lund
ReplyDeletehttp://abovethelaw.com/2013/05/sources-and-dr-phil-offer-insights-author-of-confessions-of-a-sociopath-who-might-be-this-law-professor/
That's old news.
DeleteNo one cares.
Delete2 years too late
DeleteWhat's your Twitter handle?
Deletedegamad
DeleteNo, Jamie Lund is M.E. ;)
DeleteI don't know if other commenters have already seen this, but here is a recording where M.E. joins Thom Hartmann incognito. It's insightful.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQrcqO0Qu7k
What is the significence of M.E.'s actual name being Jamie? Very great
ReplyDeleteindeed.
If it wasn't for M.E.'s disciplined upbringing see could easily be another Jodi
Arias. You see, the cornerstone letter "J" has to to with the past. See how the
bottom of the letter "J" points left. That means the "J" person sees the past as
very important to their present day life. The "J" person as a rule, DOES NOT
forgive and forget.
The discliplined , moral "J" person seeks a carrer in LAW. They become Judges
and/or attorneys. The undiscliplined "J" person, is "the woman scorned," or
"Jack" the ripper." The next time a "high profile" trial occurs, just look a the
number of partisipants that have names beginning with the letter "J."
"J" people DO NOT let prior affronts, either to "The Law," or their personal "Law," go unanswered.
M.E. tell us much about her childhood, (Past) and that would be important
for a "J" person.
BTW, at the conclusion of the French revolution, we had the Jacobean period.
Another name for it was the "Reign Of Terror." People were killed for the flimest
of reasons, or for no reason at all.
To answer the question, "Who would a sensative social outcast want for a
sexual partner? Why, they would want a person of their own economic level or
higher. The beautiful, stylish white woman is GOD. So powerful is she, that there is an active program in place to genocide the white Christian male and
keep a gorgeous white woman in every minority home as a sexual conqubine.
When the white male is genocided, nothing will stop groups such as ISIS,
The Black Israelites, and various street rabble, from expearencing the exquiset
joys of the white woman's vagina.
Comical with a side of Divergent:
ReplyDeleteHow the Twelve Signs Deal with Near Death Experiences:
ARIES: "Who's in charge here? I'd like to see God right now, please. Am I dead? Gee, I never thought that could happen to me! Where can I get a crystal palace backlit with white light like that one?"
TAURUS: Leaving the body, Taurus realizes that he or she no longer has a stomach and immediately returns to the body (thud!), without seeing tunnels, light, God, etc., making Taurus skeptical for the rest of his or her life.
GEMINI: The key thing to the zodiacal twins isn't the experience itself, but how they can embellish it when telling the story (or writing about it). Since Geminis are comfortable in all worlds, except those without telephones, they usually bounce back to the body fairly rapidly-- and the mouth tends to work before the rest of the body comes back to life.
CANCER:Cancerians can live to be 125 years old, and they don't usually have near death experiences, but they can come awfully close to having a near life experience when they get brave and venture out of their house for "supplies."
LEO: "Nooooooo, I am NOT dead. I am not, I am not, I am not . . . Who are those guys in the white robes? What's that they're singing . . . ? They're off key. I can sing better than that! Where's the choir director? I need a microphone immediately. Unless it's Rolling Stone or Spin, hold my calls."
VIRGO: Working a marathon 60 hours straight, Virgo collapses and leaves the body. She moves through that delightfully clean and sparkling tunnel of light, occasionally reflecting upon possible improvements . . . but soon becomes so worried by the thought of her loved ones "managing" without her that she snaps back into the body like white lightning, sits up, and calmly pronounces herself alive, glancing at her watch.
LIBRA:Floating out of the body, then in, then out, then in, and finally out again . . . Libra sees a tunnel and a vibrant being of light at the other end. "Wow, is that Jesus? Wait a minute, maybe it's Kwan Yin. That looks like something she'd wear." Never deciding whether to go through the tunnel (after all, what's death without someone to share it with?) Libra ends up back in the body by default, hounded by a mysterious compulsion to start a dating service for discarnate souls.
SCORPIO: Since most Scorpios have nine lives, they tend to brainstorm different ways to trigger the near death experience. Once nearly dead, most can barely get to the end of the tunnel without meeting some being with whom they have astral sex. When asked whom they prefer to greet them on the other side, 75% name a favorite vampire, and Medusa is a strong contender.
SAGITTARIUS: Sag floats out of her body and has to laugh at the stupid way she bought the farm. After somehow BREAKING the tunnel of light, she absolutely refuses to return to the body, since she's been trying to get out of it for all these years (via clumsy accidents). Because Sag is immensely curious about whether the so-called organized religious have any validity at all, this stroke of luck leads to some amaaaaaazing lessons, until, alas, the astral folks tire of her and trick her into returning to Earth for the duration.
CAPRICORN: It might take Capricorn a little while to realize he's dead because there are special rooms set up to look like executive offices for newly-dead Goats. A sharp-looking, older gentleman-ghost comes in and gives Cap an instruction manual titled HOW TO PROFIT IN THE ASTRAL MARKETPLACE, plus a "job evaluation" type assessment of Cap's achievements and mistakes over the lifetime, followed by a pink slip (meaning the body revived). Caps tend to return to their bodies quickly, unable to tolerate non-physical existence for long.
ReplyDeleteAQUARIUS: Aquarius gets to the pearly gates, sees that heaven isn't run by consensus, and opts for hell, where at least there is an appealing anarchy and rules are made to be broken. Ironically, Aquarian near-death experiences tend to be extremely traditional, i.e., God the Father, St. Peter, the celestial choir and so on (another reason to rebel and opt for hell). Once in the underworld, they bedevil the hell out of Satan and his cronies with their loud and vigorous campaigns for progressive reforms, and are quickly expelled back to the body.
PISCES: For some reason, our Piscean friends barely notice their near death experiences. Instead, during a typical day at the office, many Pisceans report seeing beings with long-suffering expressions on their faces and who patiently tell the Piscean to go back to his or her body.
http://www.dimension1111.com/astrology-humor.html#zodiacsignspets
What's Your "Southern" Astrological Sign?
OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (Mar 21 - Apr 20)
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Or - maybe not.
POSSUM (Apr 21 - May 21)
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21)
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23)
ReplyDeleteCollards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essence of those round them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23)
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23)
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23)
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22)
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21)
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
http://www.dimension1111.com/astrology-humor.html#zodiacsignspets
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