From a reader, asking for our advice:
I would like to give you some background. I started talking to this guy online for over a month. We had never met. He would text every day telling me how lonely he was, how he wanted a bestfriend, lover and long term relationship. Weeks later he would tell me he was in love with me, how i was the one for him. I told him that since we haven't officially met that it was questionable how he felt- he insists his feelings were real. We did meet date went great. He said he still felt the same. He asked me to be his girl i accepted. I spent 2 days at his home with him... we had sex. After that i haven't seen him since. He texts now he rarely texts. I've asked him if he was seeing anyone so i can move on he said no. He still texts and ask me for oral sex but never attempted to spend time with me. My question... I want to manipulate this guy to get whatever i want from him and have him wrapped around my finger... and get him to spend time with me, take me out and use him to my advantage and spend money on me. How do i go about doing that? Please help me i am tired of being ' the nice girl who finish last and being used up by men.
I would like to give you some background. I started talking to this guy online for over a month. We had never met. He would text every day telling me how lonely he was, how he wanted a bestfriend, lover and long term relationship. Weeks later he would tell me he was in love with me, how i was the one for him. I told him that since we haven't officially met that it was questionable how he felt- he insists his feelings were real. We did meet date went great. He said he still felt the same. He asked me to be his girl i accepted. I spent 2 days at his home with him... we had sex. After that i haven't seen him since. He texts now he rarely texts. I've asked him if he was seeing anyone so i can move on he said no. He still texts and ask me for oral sex but never attempted to spend time with me. My question... I want to manipulate this guy to get whatever i want from him and have him wrapped around my finger... and get him to spend time with me, take me out and use him to my advantage and spend money on me. How do i go about doing that? Please help me i am tired of being ' the nice girl who finish last and being used up by men.
Ignore his texts for a few days and when you eventually reply, be curt and still ignore him sometimes. Almost never text first. Eventually he'll ask if everything is ok between you and ask to meet up, or at that point you can ask him to meet up. When you finally see him, still act a little distant. Basically make him keep chasing you and never let him have you completely.
ReplyDeleteThat's interesting. your "friend" had a sociopathic behavior you tried to get revenge and this is the reason from your request. you call people on a site focused on sociopathy, i like the idea.
ReplyDeleteignore this man is useless because he already had what he expected of you, so you have to raise he's interest again, to make him believe that you still have a lot of thing he could hypothetically enjoy. then you have to manage what you give him in exchange for what you like. However, it has already had the opportunity to meet you and analyze you. then be clever and have fun
Lol. Good one.
Delete"it has already had the opportunity to meet you"
"It" certainly is a loser.
She should run to the hills. He's not worth the effort of 'wrapping' around her finger.
Just saying.
Oh...Lord...above!
ReplyDeleteYou are one pathetic specimen.
The guy sounds like your typical male. Tells you online how beautiful and awesome you are. How he has never met anyone like you. How special you are. How he loves and cherishes you...
Then when you give him what he wants, a cheap fuck, he decides you are good for nothing more than an occasional blow job when he feels like it.
Or perhaps he really was disappointed in you, it is all too easy to catfish online after all, but just didn't have the balls to tell you.
Meh. Either way.
But here is the kicker. Instead of learning your lessons and getting rid of him, you think that you are going to go and ask on a sociopath blog how to manipulate a man so he is putty in your hands?
Seriously, could you be any sadder?
You want revenge? Live well and forgive your enemies. Nothing pisses them off more :)
Take care of yourself. Physically.
Get some hobbies, do some freaking volunteer work, get out into nature...whatever it is that keeps you busy and you enjoy.
Stop being too nice to people and expecting them to reiterrate. No, really, just stop.
Read this:
http://www.sharischreiber.com/needlove.html
Thumbs up for tough love.
DeleteHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.......
ReplyDeleteText found in a bottle..
ReplyDelete"Empaths invented the superhero movie: this is their longing for imagined human superpowers, for psychopathy in a tight dress. But they are empaths, this is not for them. They should daydream about more mundane things, like farming for example. Growing themselves a nice, firm cucumber.."
It's hard being a woman. They're damned if they DO and damned if they don't.
ReplyDeleteBut all things considered, it's better that they don't. A woman's value lies in
holding on as long as she can to the only thing that's really her's: Her virtrue.
Of course, that CAN be taken away.
Many years ago an "innocent" school girl was walking home from school. She
was dragged in the bushes and raped. In those days it WAS a disgrace, as much for the girl as the rapist. She went to a bridge to throw herself off. She was
stopped by a "concerned" male stranger. He took her home with him.
She emotionally recovered from her ordeal, and naturally wanted to go home.
He wouldn't allow it. The man wasn't a sadist per se, but sort of a gruff outcast.
He wanted to "keep" her.
She begged him to let her go, but to no avail. He kept her tied up.
One day, she sprung her bonds. She was estatic. She roamed around the city
like a "free bird."
You would have thought she would have run home to her parents and turned him
in. Not so. She went right back to her kidnapper. She walked in to find him
very broken up with her departure. He was holding the rope he tied her with.
He asked, "Why did you come back?" Her response, "Because you needed me."
A few mounths later, she told her mother about her whereabouts. She introduced
her now fiance, and said, "This is Jim we're going to be married in June."
Her mother couldn't believed what she was hearing and look at her like she was a nut.
The bottom line is to retain your virtue as long as you can. Don't think about
cheating and gaining advantage over another person. You can't cheat an honest
person.
As for those men who never learned the key to unlocking a woman's vagina:
They are TRASH. Weakling TRASH. They should be encouraged to suicide
themselves.
Fuck me, you are a frightful bore.
DeleteUseless too.
I would say a joke about you, but none would be funnier than the one life already played on you.
Hi
DeleteThere are a lot of people that are responding to my call for advice as a joke. As i said... i haven't been on a date in 6 yrs. Since my seperation... i have been celibate for 6 yrs... this guy begged me to be his girl- he said he wanted a longterm relationship.we talked for a while before being intimate... i never put out. I am not out there and definitely not sexually active in any way. The only reason we had sex is we both agreed that we wanted to be in this relationship longterm. I trusted him. Then i became ill with cancer. It takes a lot of self control to abstain from sex for that long. I met this guy on a dating website. In his profile he said he didn't want any games-he was looking for a monogamous relationship... i the same. When men use women for sex- society or other men condone it wipe it off as nothing. But view me as pathetic... even when i asked him if he wanted to continue the relationship he said yes. On several occasions i told him not to waste my time. Pathetic i am not. I look young to be in my 40's... i am not ugly. I am intelligent. If this same man had wrote in and said the identical thing and added that i used him for sex and money... these same people wouldn't view him as pathetic... or as a joke... but would support him and find over 100 ways to get revenge... and i would be called where, jezzebel, gold digger you name it
3:10 Anonymous. Interesting story, but was that a moral twist at the end? Who are you preaching to? Maybe this website would find a way. Believe it or not, sociopaths can have morals, they just don't look like empath's.
DeleteFor example, in the OP, if the guy was still in love with her and really wanted commitment, the girl's request would be bizarre. I wouldn't work myself up, emotionally, if she wanted to control him/manipulate him; I wouldn't care. But I would find the request unnecessary.
In the OP, however, I can recognize that the guy is a piece of shit. The girl doesn't "deserve" revenge, but I can understand that she's upset because she got 'had'. I personally don't want to put in the effort to manipulate a girl, like he did. I resent these guys for causing her (and you) to be jaded and making it harder for me. Personally, I make good money and I like strippers and the occasional hooker. I love being able to treat people like objects and at the strip club, I'm like a kid at the playground.
Anyway, If you were trying to make a moral plea, you wasted your time. You also wasted your time if you were looking for empathy. What we 'paths' do have to offer is insight. What makes her (or a guy) pathetic, is that the best way to get revenge is to ignore the person and erase them from your life. Sociopaths that concern themselves with revenge are not high-functioning. I'd say that is element of narcissism. A smart sociopath knows they aren't special, and just lives low key.
To the OP girl, your pussy ain't special, as shown by that guy. If you want revenge, blow him but don't let him finish. Give him blue ball and do it every time. Make him beg for you to let him cum. You will not control him by ignoring him. You will control him through his dick; Femdom 101.
THAT's your recommendation?
DeleteI can tell you really have been around strippers and hookers, or at least a lot of porn, for waaay too long.
"Riding the waves" (where you bring the man as close to orgasm as you can, but don't let him cum, a few times before taking him over the edge) is extremely pleasurable if done right and would probably pique his interest in getting a lot more blow jobs from her.
But what you suggest is... silly.
Not to mention he can simply give himself a hand to finish off rather than begging and not bother with her again if he doesn't like it.
Femdom 101 my ass.
Any other bright ideas, cowboy?
G.E.
^Absolutely this. :)
DeleteGood point. I especially love the condescending tone. I thought he might enjoy it, as I typed it, which would be hilarious as that plan would backfire haha.
Delete"I can tell you really have been around strippers and hookers, or at least a lot of porn, for waaay too long." I suppose that could be an insult to some people. Most guys that I've talked to rub one/ejaculate in/on another human out 5-7 times a week. How do I know? A lot of drunken conversations.
My suggestion was silly, and it would be funny if she took that advice. Thankfully we have the anonymous army to maintain competency.
Good evening, Boy Next Door. I'm going to rip you a new asshole, now. I'm not requesting your consent, and it might hurt a bit, but I am confident that it will ultimately serve you well. :)
Delete"For example, in the OP, if the guy was still in love with her and really wanted commitment, the girl's request would be bizarre. I wouldn't work myself up, emotionally, if she wanted to control him/manipulate him; I wouldn't care. But I would find the request unnecessary.
^What, exactly, does this mean? You are not making any sense. Do you have a cognitive deficit or language barrier that impedes your basic reading comprehension? You said: "If he was still in love, the girls request would be bizarre" What request? And "Still in love"? They never even met!
In your next statement, you assert that you "wouldn't get worked up, emotionally". It is as though you are making up a "socio-script" to conform to, based upon a misunderstanding of the condition, in order to bolster a persona you want badly to identify with, because you are ashamed of your weakness, passivity, and incapacity to exert the level of influence and charisma you would like to project, in your environment.
"Good point. I especially love the condescending tone. I thought he might enjoy it, as I typed it, which would be hilarious as that plan would backfire haha"
=
"I swear I meant to do it!", lol.
You just revealed a massive weakness, here. A bit of pressure, and you're backpedaling to maintain the image you want to convey, lending more support to my theory that you're a big fat wannabe. :)
"Anyway, If you were trying to make a moral plea, you wasted your time."
^Your understanding of morality- a very nuanced construct- is basic. You have "morals", after all: They're just inherently different. You're not a monster- just a Special Sociopathic Snowflake.
This shows me that you're a follower with a lot of insecurity, awkwardness and ineptitude to protect. You would easily renege your morals and principles so as to fit in where you seek acceptance, because you have no spine.
"What makes her (or a guy) pathetic, is that the best way to get revenge is to ignore the person and erase them from your life."
^While this may be the more appropriate and mature response, "ignoring someone and erasing them from your life" is *not* the best way to exact revenge upon someone. You do not think like a sociopath.
"I don't want to put the effort into manipulating a girl"
^Manipulation is inherent to the sociopathic mindset. It is a way of operating... A cognitive style, if you prefer.
I could be wrong, but I think your penchant for impersonal sex is not merely rooted in "too much porn", or even to hypersexual, compartmentalized lust. I think it is a mechanism through which to assuage an ego injured by your incapacity to procure sex unless you pay for it.
There's more, but this is where I'll stop. For now. :)
I honestly appreciate a solid psyvho analysis. Some parts were spot on, others off, and some opinion. My ego is safe though so feel free to continue.
DeleteAnother thought? On the internet, it is hard to assume tone in a person's typing. Perhaps you misread my comments as being cocky and loud-mouth. We all type like we talk, and I'm usually pretty easy going and friendly. I was offering up objective analysis that wasn't guaranteed to be correct. I really don't mind when someone talks shit to me, I more just make fun of their assumption that they think it means anything. Words don't hurt, except maybe something like "you have cancer" haha. But I wouldn't ask you to stop your approach to be people. I'm an enthusiast and you might be more alpha female and decisive. Ahhh, good times.
DeleteDouche- Claiming -To- Be -A -Socio Next Door, tell me, why did you have to blow it by being so...what's the word I'm looking for here? Disappointing? Ordinary? Blah?
DeleteI was actually enjoying watching her start to get the claws out, was even hoping to see her virtually fuck your ego with an unlubricated pineapple.
I like to see how interesting people think.
But this backpedalling, "sticks and stones", all of what you offered here, seems it's not worth the time.
> Good evening, Boy Next Door. I'm going to rip you a new asshole, now.
Delete> I'm not requesting your consent, and it might hurt a bit, but I am
> confident that it will ultimately serve you well. :)
LOL!
Believe it or not this is an opportunity for personal growth.
> Good evening, Boy Next Door. I'm going to rip you a new asshole, now.
Delete> I'm not requesting your consent, and it might hurt a bit, but I am confident
> that it will ultimately serve you well. :)
LOL! Believe it or not this is a moment for personal growth.
So you got screwed (figuratively and literally) and now you want payback.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, it's unlikely to happen. As has been pointed out, you've already expended your utility and unless you can hook him again, you have no leverage (unless you can learn to give truly mind blowing blow jobs...).
It also sounds like he is A LOT better at manipulation than you are. If you really do try to engage him in that manner, you are likely to come out much, much worse off - emotionally, financially, and possibly physically.
Sorry Cupcake, but Anon 2:02AM is right - take your lumps, learn your lesson, and move on. If you really want to learn about manipulation, the best thing to do is start small - there are plenty of desperate guys that will gladly be manipulated for just the chance of sex. Cut your teeth on them - not a maturing predator.
Kudos for coming here for advice though -
Harry, you are a blast. And right.
DeleteHow you doing?
She likely won't listen, however. Abandonment issues. Which I can dig but hope she doesn't succumb to. We're always alone -- it takes effort to connect in ways to deal with that. Not fun. But in the end worth it.
Hi Faust,
DeleteNice to hear from you - I'm still being a parasitic bum (and loving it - I will SOOOO miss my volunteer time at my kids class...so much fun!!!). Looking forward to Ma moving out - not till the end of the year, but...
I know the poster won't listen - I remember being young. She sounds for all the world like a very sweet kid. I do wish her better. Learning to let go and "shake it off" are acquired skills - at least for me they were.
I don't expect anyone to take my advice - we are all so differently wired. But, it is an interesting way for me to do my "Assholes Anonymous" reflection (step 12 - being in service and all that). I get mileage out of thinking about these topics -
Here's a bit of wisdom from an unlikely source: I read an interview with John Travolta some years ago and her said something to the effect of, "being a cynical jerk is easy, but being a happy, positive person is hard." I liked the notion (I'm sure I've wreaked the quote, but I'll be surprised if I got the idea wrong...).
How goes "giving that man Hell"?
Harry, You sound bloody chipper. :)
DeleteAcquired skills indeed. Even Jesus threw some kid off a roof at age 12, according to one lost gospel.
Ditto on the mileage factor.
JT is a scientologist . . . they're all into positive thinking. Still, you're right. It's damn hard to be cheery sometimes.
I'm not surprised that you're having ball with your kids -- you're a kid, too. Thankfully.
As for giving hell. Despite suffering PTSD due to "unsafe working conditions" I'm feeling damn good at the moment. Validated by various doctors that I worked for 6 years in a place that they say they wouldn't last for a week.
All those years hanging out with grizzlies in the Yukon rubbed off I guess.
Hi Faust,
DeleteAll things considered I'm doing OK. The warm weather and sunshine have been doing me good. If the water warms up, I might even paddle out - haven't done that in too long. I do need to actually land some work soon tho - need to start shaking the old money maker (how's THAT for a troubling image?!).
LOL! That's one of the things I appreciate about you - you are a tough gal! Keep at 'em - People who run shops poorly need to be "corrected."
I'd love to hear the "grizzly details" of your time in the Yukon! (rim shot) XD~
My ex used to refer to Scientology as "The Cult of Ego." But, that's why I said it was an unlikely source. From where I sit most of the people that have been sucked in just sound pathetic after a while. Read five pages of Dianetics and you can see it's a con.
Morning Harry,
DeleteScientology is a monstrous belief -- I once placed in Ron Hubbard's Writers of the Future contest and they flew me to Washington D.C. and put me up for a week in the Omni hotel. After a couple days, I began to feel I was dealing with pod people, whose shark-white teeth gleamed brighter than the sun. Later, one of them offered to introduce me to JT at some gala they were holding in L.A., but I declined. By that point I wanted to flee the country and return to the land of bears and bugs. They are totally creepy and very much a cult.
As for negligent shop owners, you'll be pleased to hear that worker's comp is considering suing my company over my mishap. That will really piss off the CEO, and more importantly tarnish her benevolent image. Some people in town are telling me to be careful . . . she has friends in high places. My reply to them is, I'm safe because Ms. Benevolent and her towering friends can't stoop to my peon level without falling over. Besides, I enjoy a good squabble. Lol.
Bear story number 1
Once upon a time there were three couples who set up fish camp on the Yukon river. The salmon that year were running high, and before long they accumulated a veritable ton. The women cut up the salmon and made jerky or canned it for the winter. Meanwhile, a booze run to Dawson City was made, and later that night everybody got pissed. The couple from Alaska went to sleep by the fire; the other two couples retired to their tents. Early in the morning, the Alaskan husband woke up to a funny sound: the bear had pulled his wife out of her sleeping bag by her head and was dragging her into the bush. She never made sound (It's rather hard to scream from inside the mouth of a bear). Hubby charged the bear and was promptly tossed about like a rag doll. The bear then returned to munching on his wife, who was very much alive. The other two couples finally woke up, and being hungover, couldn't find their guns. So Z grabbed a frying pan and smacked the bear on the head, interrupting its breakfast, Then Z had a turn 'dancing' with the bear. Finally, one of women found a gun and shot the bear. The two men received countless stiches, a couple broken ribs, but nothing compared to the poor woman who'd been dragged by her head. Her face was ripped off, her lungs collapsed and she had a lot of broken bones. But she survived. When I saw her in hospital and asked her what she remembered, she replied, Bad breath. The bear had the worst I've ever smelled.
Her and her husband returned to Alaska and to living in the deep bush. Two years later she was mauled by another bear, and that was it. She moved back east and was never heard of again.
Don't love a bear. Don't love a socio. Learn from Timothy Treadwell who loved bears too well.
DeleteGrizzly Man? What a sad hubristic joke . . . saw him on some talk show before him and his girlfriend (who valiantly tried to save him) and he said that bears viewed him like a "flower in the field."
DeleteSocios, however, are not bears, wolves, sharks or tigers. Just as deadly to some. But not all. I think some of them recognize that life often requires having allies, being part of a cooperative group. There's strength in numbers under some circumstances, and if you've been identified as the predator who throws others under the bus, you're the first to be outcast. The Eskimos have a story about pushing them off the ice during hunting expeditions.
ME and her ilk are way too smart to put all their berries into a single basket. That's why socio genes still exist.
Nuff said.
WOW!!! Now that's a story! 8D~
DeleteI'm not sure I would have stuck around after the first go, but - wow!
The "higher functioning" sociopath see the need for ally's and even "normal" people in their lives (friends and family).
What I've come to believe is that a big part of the difference is that we don't "bond" the same way that neuro-typicals do. For me it is more akin to a contract in many ways - boundaries and expectations don't work quite the same for us - even those of us that are relatively benign. We don't have some of those "feelings" to guide us - so we compensate...not always successfully. That's why clear, firm, consistent boundaries are so important with us.
Hi Harry,
DeleteYeah, I delivered oxygen to the hospital room where the mauled victims recouped. It was shocking seeing the woman . . . a pretty girl till that happened.
Here's a tip I learned from Dick, a mountain man if ever there was one: Just because you shoot a bear in the heart does not necessarily mean it will stop charging you. Dick put two bullets into the heart of a silver-tipped grizzly and it ran another 40 feet. Finally dropped near his feet. So shoot first, and keep shooting, no matter what.
Clear consistent boundaries are even more important with empaths and many normals; many people of all neuro-stripes breach the boundaries of others. Or so I've experienced. I'm starting to think we're all that way at certain times throughout our lives.
Texting back, "Blow me bitch!" really isn't the same as asking for oral sex...
ReplyDeleteGreen Eyes (Anon 2:02) said it all, perfectly.
ReplyDeleteThe guy is a typical male. He said exactly what you wanted to hear, in order to obtain sex. It worked. No sociopathic deviance required.
He doesn't have the balls to reject you directly, so he opted for the passive aggressive route. He knows that you will tire of his requests for oral sex- and that he's being an ass- but figures that it's win-win for him: He either gets to drop you without taking responsibility for his bullshit, or he can string you along for a time as a friend with benefits. Since that is not the arrangement you are interested in, you are stupid if you give him anything more. I shouldn't even have to say this- but refuse his requests.
You gave him what he wanted, and now you don't have any leverage, because there is nothing about you to compel him. Obviously, your charms were not sufficient to captivate him. You were probably a mediocre lay, and you gave it up way too quickly.
You do not have what it takes to "wrap him around your little finger and get him to buy you stuff". I am not at all surprised. That last statement reveals what a shallow user *you* are. He bested you at your own game. Cut your losses and move on.
Want revenge? Agree to meet him for oral sex. Reject him unequivocally in person, as rudely as possible. Insult his manhood. Snap a picture of him looking confused and irate, and post it together with a screenshot of his most pathetic begging behavior and derisive, unflattering about his penis on one of those "expose the playas" websites. (Say you like it when men beg... This might work if he thinks he'll get a blowjob out of it).
Just kidding. The mature thing to do is to forget about him.
You're tired of being the "nice girl who gets used up"? It's very simple. Stop putting out so easily.
Thank you, Alter :)
DeleteFor the good laugh too.
I had a wonderful mental image of her doing her best seductress impersonation...then supergluing his penis to his thigh and posting the resulting pictures online, talking about how she needed a magnifying glass and tweezers to get the job done.
And I think you're right, she probably was a lousy lay. That would explain why he only asks for blow jobs.
Awww, she is so sad, it is almost cute.
LOL!!
DeleteIn some ways, we think so much alike that it's weird. :)
> The guy is a typical male. He said exactly what you wanted to hear, in
Delete> order to obtain sex. It worked. No sociopathic deviance required.
Yep.
> He doesn't have the balls to reject you directly, so he opted for the passive
> aggressive route...
I'm going to disagree with you here. He wants to see if she'll go over to his place for sex whenever he wants it.
The best way to get even is to simply break off all contact. If he was asking you out on dates I would say to call early the day of a date and say you want to reschedule it for an earlier time. It implies that you have something better setup for after him.
But what do I know about things like this...
Well, that's kind of what I meant about win-win for him, though.
DeleteA girl who is interested in a long-term relationship is not likely to be receptive to repeated text requests for blowjobs. He knows this, but he still wants to see how much he can get out of her. He doesn't really care if she rejects him. If he did, he would treat her much differently.
Now, I am bored with this pathetic creature and her plight. But her case did arouse my curiosity, so was hoping you ladies and gentlemen would indulge me.
ReplyDeleteWhy do people catfish online?
I understand those con artists who are after some money, for example. That's fair enough.
But...those who are looking for love, for a partner. Why do they catfish?
Surely they are aware, on some level at least, that people will discover the truth once they meet them/get to know them better... and will feel crushing disappointment?
Of course everybody lies. But there are degrees. And catfish who are looking for love perplex me.
Are they genuinely convinced that they are so awesome that the person will overlook that they are 20 years older, far less intelligent, less physically attractive, etc?
Those who say that the partner would be shallow to reject them for these shortcomings...well, they are even more shallow in my opinion. After all, they are careful to advertise themselves as having attributes they do not possess.
Advertising a mint condition vintage Mustang, then delivering a rusty Ford Festiva and expecting the other person to be satisfied?
Why waste everybody's time and set themselves up for failure and rejection like that?
I look very young for my age. I failed to mention that I do not put out easily I haven't been with a man since seperation from my husband. I have been celibate for 6 yrs. Then this guy begged me to be his girl said he had tired of being alone he wanted a longterm companionship. I accepted. I asked him also did he want to end the relationship so i could move on he said no. If you want to view my picture go on Facebook- takesia ragland. View my profile picture. I look young and good to be my age
DeleteYour quest for the validation, approval and admiration of perfect strangers is really just abject desperation oozing out of your pores. You are naive, and showed extremely poor judgment in posting your personal information here. You're obviously weak, and you smell like a victim. Until you smarten up, you will remain shark-bait for those who would abuse and take advantage of you.
DeleteAgreed, wholeheartedly.
DeleteBut...
This is quite possibly one of the bastard trolls on here playing a prank on some innocent woman.
Tell you what, Takesia. If this really is you, change your profile picture to something that proves that. Preferably in next couple of hours (I have short attention span).
If you do, I will friend you on Fb and promise to help you :)
G.E.
@ Anonymous 9:40: “I understand those con artists who are after some money, for example. That's fair enough. But...those who are looking for love, for a partner. Why?” Honestly, it’s not always the pleasure or profits that drive people toward another. Sex, love, money, revenge … may define it well for some people, but in reality people are only after one thing; self-gratification. It shows itself in so many different ways and places. Eugh...
DeleteThe ugliest form of it is in totally unaware individuals, who think they are doing something good/right/helpful for another person, or perhaps society, but in reality they are just working hard to fill up their own ego needs.
@ Takasia, I doubt that’s your real facebook page. But in any case, if you have any of those types of accounts, you must have your own head too, use it.
Noble caring on SW.
DeleteAm I hallucinating?
Nice vision.
Anon 3:57,
DeleteI think you might have misunderstood my question.
I know what drives people together and couldn't agree more that a lot of times it is essentially a desperate need for validation and attention.
My question was this:
I understand why con artists catfish (aka misrepresent themselves and try to pretend that they are in fact a lot younger, more attractive, smarter, less douchebag-y than they are).
They don't give a fuck about the other person, have no plans to share their lives with them.
They are just in it for the gains, including the thrill and delight of duping someone. So they present the facade that is necessary to obtain those gains.
That is fair enough.
What I don't understand is why people who have full intention of meeting, loving, sharing their life with the other person, would do so?
It seems so utterly stupid to me.
Why misrepresent yourself like that?
The other person will figure out the truth pretty quickly.
Setting them up for huge disappointment and themselves for rejection.
Then crying that they got rejected once more, before catfishing all over again?
I see it all the time. But I just don't get it.
G.E.
Lonely, desperate people (men and women) that watch too much Oprah and read garbage like "The Secret" seem to wrap themselves in some sort of super-optimistic narrative about "taking chances." They "put themselves out there" believing that all this positive energy will make good things happen.
DeleteIn short, they set themselves up - the catfishers (not my thing) just come in to feed their egos.
Sometimes they get lucky and find someone - that's enough anecdotal evidence to keep the whole mill churning.
“You are naive, and showed extremely poor judgment in posting your personal information here.” True, but at least she is not publishing her entire memoires from her post-infancy to adulthood to gain “the validation, approval and admiration of perfect strangers”.
DeleteLol!
DeleteVery true, Anon 10:38, very true.
But I completely agree with Alter's assessment.
Takesia did, funnily enough, change her profile picture very soon after I asked her to. Coincidence, maybe.
But I am going to go ahead and assume it really is her.
Not only posted her personal information on a sociopath blog, but then kinda confirmed it. Because some bitch (me), that has already shown she has a very low opinion of our dear Takesia, asked her to.
Seriously? Can you possibly define " naive and willing to exercise extremely poor judgement in a quest for validation and approval" any better?
Now, Takesia/OP/pathetic creature:
Stop playing the poor little waif card. You came to the wrong place for sympathy.
I could barely read through the rant you put up, it was so full of self pity.
A has already said it all beautifully below, but just so you hear it from me as well:
We did not respond to you that way because you are a woman. That was your lame attempt to shift responsibility from yourself.
It was because of the way you handle yourself. Your glaring weakness, self pity, indignation and desperation.
That kind of desperation has a particular stench, like that of the unwashed body of a whore after a long shift.
It tells anybody who smells it that you will do practically anything they want for a few kind words.
Guess what? Thinking that if you go out of your way to be a " good girl" and please people, it will make them like you, will make them grateful... think again.
It is impossible to respect someone who is willing to do that.
I already told you what I think you need to do.
Get some hobbies that you enjoy. Maybe ones that benefit others as well, such as volunteer work.
Go out into nature, take up gardening... nature is very soothing and there is so much beauty to be found there.
And it will keep you busy, so you don't sit around thinking how to get back at that loser.
Start taking care of yourself.
Anon @ 4 50 pm,
DeleteI like your post. "It tells anybody who smells it that you will do practically anything they want for a few kind words." "Get some hobbies . . . go out into nature . . . don't sit around."
OP:
Please. Take care of yourself and explore how to objectify your own thoughts, take time to learn how to enjoy being alone. In your solitude read, dream, walk, write and wait for rain. It will come from your own ability to withstand solitude and learning to love yourself, no matter what others think.
Happiness comes first in solitude, then with others. You're too fearful of being alone to make a rational decision. A cold-hearted decision for your own welfare. That's why you unconsciously wound up on SW -- your unconscious mind is saying, Whoa! Temper that sentimental/egotistic desire for revenge with the cold equation: The spaceship to Pluto (revenge) has only so much oxygen.
Not enough for you, my dear. Plenty for him. Because his metabolism is cold and yours is burning hot.
I hope you cut him loose so that you can put your vitality into your own life. Your own creative adventure.
Nuff unasked for advice. But really. I'm amazed OP wrote what she did on SW.
Of course it was her. Green Eyes knew it, too. I had to bite my tongue when Faust posted about "Noble caring" on SW, lol. I knew exactly what she was up to. XD
DeleteOP: You are lucky it was Green Eyes. She'll just mess with your head a bit- to show you how easily manipulated you are. But guess what? It could have been someone else whose intentions were far less innocuous.
I posted about your transparent and desperate need for validation and approval. Green Eyes tested that theory, and you confirmed it. *Let this be a lesson to you*.
Next time, the outcome may not be as harmless to you.
@ A,
DeleteLol. Noblesse oblige is required by all those who attempt to dispense counsel on SW.
Hi
DeleteJust wanted to say that I appreciate the advice from everyone... and in no way am I trying to be overly nice for acceptance...that's my personality period.. I'm not trying to play victim... yes I am naive... I trust people until proven other wise....that's who i am been this way as a child. Shouldn't have to change because people( man/ or woman) have only their self interest at heart. Now I do agree that maybe I need to be assertive... but I will always be kind, patient, and a loving person. One day that great guy will come along and recognize it.... because this is who I am doesn't mean i look for validation in others because i don't. I like who I am.
Looks like you've learned nothing from your encounter with him or us.
DeleteLife is not a fairy tale, Takesia.
In real life, Cinderella keeps toiling away for her step sisters and any time she makes it to the ball, Prince Charming fucks her then discards her.
Or texts her for a blow job if he is bored and horny.
No amount of wishful thinking and denial will change that.
If you like the way you are and want to keep doing what you do, go for it.
After all, just look how happy and well adjusted it has made you...
And don't be surprised when those "knights in shining armour" keep turning into douchebags in tinfoil come morning ;)
Keep us posted.
G.E.
"I trust people until proven other wise....that's who i am been this way as a child."
DeleteIt's time to grow up now, you can't stay a child forever. How about approaching people from a position of neutrality - as in, you don't know whether they are trustworthy or not so you take the time to get to know them - instead of trusting them by default.
"I am tired of being 'the nice girl who finish last and being used up by men."
You may well be tired but you are too passive to do anything about it. You've been given lots of great advice here but all I'm hearing is a woman who is unwilling to change, to open her mind to new ways of behaving.
Hi
DeleteI agree with what you said and I am going to apply it in my life. Thank You and every one for the advice.
This may be a bit late but you remind me of an old, late friend so I'll give it effort. First, you say you want to manipulate the douche and make him your lover...then you say "One day that great guy will come along", trust me hon if you're getting fucked by the douche in a bathroom stall in some crappy McDonald's "that great guy" won't want to touch you with a wooden 12 inch wooden ruler. Forget the douche, decide what the hell you want, and besides all the bloody advice these sociopaths have given you (which is quite hilarious); I'll say this - Being a "kind, patient, and loving person" won't mean you get what you're looking for - Ain't no Karma in this world boo. So the best thing you can do girl is be a bit more independent & entertaining and go find the person you're looking for.
DeleteSociopaths giving relationship advice LoL
Also, you keep wailing about how men condone other men's behavior when they humiliate, lie, and cheat to a girl for sex. No, it's just the people on this site, empaths are typically repulsed at such behavior, Men or Women. You're on a website infested with sociopaths; what did you expect, a pity parade? Quit coming on a sociopath blog if you can't handle the (lack of) heat.
DeleteI only wish my dead friend was here to see this message.
Finally, I do hope you get who or what you're looking for though next time ... enjoy the sex a bit more so you don't have to complain about being used.
Also, I personally think the guy you met was an ass and that if I knew a person who had acted in such a pathetic way, I would attempt to make his life miserable. You don't take advantage of weak people...it's pathetic. And I'm Male.
DeleteI think you should make you more interesting for him. so that he notices you.
ReplyDeleteFigure out what he is thinking about you, act the opposite. Make him curious, and confuse him.
as about how to manipulate him, i would use people around him to figure out his weakness and exploit.
Be stealthy, (in my limited experience) socios are weakest when they think they won. You got an edge.
Lol!!
DeleteSo your solution is to be a creepy, unstable, gaslighting stalker?
He sounds like he wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire...but yeah, that will make her irresistible alright.
You are funny.
And where did you get that he is a sociopath?
if you have to be a creepy stalker just to get some info, than you ain't that competitive.
DeleteI wouldn't piss if she sets on fire, but I may care if she does orgies and take her videos;
I didn't really assume that he is a sociopath, but he may be one.
I do recognize I made it sound like I did make such an assumption
What I do think is that the same strategy can work or non-socios as well
Erika, I don't even know where to start with that. Or if it would do the slightest good.
DeleteAll I know is that I am not quite bored enough to try at the moment.
A empath's and sociopath's prayer
ReplyDelete1) Dear Lord look how great I am , I am so kind, I have so much empathy, I can feel what others are feeling. Yippee !!! I can sit with people and relate to their suffering as they express what's bothering them. But those sociopath individuals can't seem to grasp this empathetic response towards others. But I can Lord. I think they might be evil incarnate breeds of damnation. Please Lord let's tell the whole world about them and warn people so they don't succumb to their wickedness. We must warn the people about them and write books like, " Beware of the Sociopath in Your Life" and advocate against them.
2) Dear Lord I know at times I can act like a jerk but I can't seem to feel this empathy stuff everyone is yapping on about. I'm trying to live as best I can without bringing harm to people. I have manners that I use with people and I try to look inwardly in myself to adjust my behaviour when the situation calls for it. People call these masks sometimes. Or a flexible self. I just seem to fall short at times. I like to have fun, I need to be stimulated, and I just need to watch that some of my impulses don't take over too much and I keep it all within perspective. I'm a sinner.
Who's more justified?
I don't think empaths will pray saying "they are so great"
DeleteI wouldn't "admit" about acting 'jerk'; isn't it more like "behaving in a way that may be perceived as 'jerk' "
It's more of an empath' s attitude I do come across....but I see what ur saying. I don't really spout off gospel stuff - just been tugging on my mind lately.
Delete:)
DeleteI like the prayer you posted.
Your posts are always fun and insightful.
Delete,
I like your prayers, too.
Though, as an 'empath' with twisted wings I can tell you that many do not think they're terrific for being kind. Most of us never feel like we've given enough.
Kindness is ever-changing, and when I'm feeling ill or degraded I'm a different animal. And not ashamed of saying, Buzz off. I need time alone, to regenerate.
I think I finally get what socios are 'yapping' about regarding empaths and their whining and denial about ego gains through acts of giving, self sacrifice. It's a slippery slope all of us slide down every now and then, socio, empath or normal. The ego wants omnipotence in all of its many manifestations.
Thanks A , I told that prayer to the hubs this morning. ; )
Delete@Faust ,
"It's a slippery slope all of us slide down every now and then, socio, empath or normal. The ego wants omnipotence in all of its many manifestations."
Well said. I do agree.
Superchick,
DeleteThanks. :))
How long have human beings been on earth? Is this web site the best we can do after a hundred thousand years or so?
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, yes.
Brilliant.
DeleteAll it takes to beat a sociopath, lure a sweet Pisces with a mysterious smile to find out.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Pisces
Is that so? Tell me, what will a shark taste when he rips into you, little fishie?
DeleteA: :)
DeleteJust tie him up in your basement, he will be forever yours 8p. Or use his and force him to give up his card and pin. Then you have some means to prolong your intimacy with him. You might even have him for a few months :).
ReplyDeleteBut say u want to get away with it. Find out if he's close to another girl. Ask her if its serious. Then go by when she's not around and force yourself on him. Make some photo's or sextape and extort him into being with you. make him do embarrassing stuff and you can extort him using his family (even more effective).
John, John, John...
DeleteNow I'm starting to get why you are single :)
This is amateur hour you're giving us.
Not funny enough to be a joke.
Not plausible enough that it would make her go "hmm...I wonder if that would work?"
Curious, how old you are and if you are one of those cold blooded psycho 17 year olds, who kills ants and refuses to clean his room. Even when Good Boy Points are offered by mum.
Anon, You made me laugh.
DeleteI think I knew you in a dream.
You dream of green eyed tyrannical malignant narcissists dispensing tough love? Interesting... ;)
Delete^ We've missed you around - if I know who I think this is. ; )
Delete@ Anon 3:29
DeleteI am indeed single. And im 28, so im not burning ants. It's sort of a joke, but so is asking advice on how to control people and make them do what you want. You are right about the cold part though.
@superchick, if you are referring to me you are right :). thank you
John, you are funny.
DeleteI'm starting to like you.
That's why I'm going to let you in on a little secret. There are a lot of very sad, narcissistic wannabes that come to this site, some of them (at least mentally) adolescents who think that they are sociopaths because they burned ants with magnifying glass, didn't cry at Aunt Blanche's funeral and once even dumped a girlfriend and didn't care.
They are also the ones who claim to be master manipulators, yet couldn't manipulate a $20 whore with $50.
As well as of course the standard talk about how cold and unemotional they are. Even as they are having a meltdown to rival M.E.'s (hehe) when their claims of greatness are challenged. That's my personal favourite.
What you told the OP above is somewhat similar to an answer I'd expect to be given by one of them.
Watch out for those badassses, John. They can make your stomache hurt. From laughing at them ;)
Anon @ 4:06pm,
DeleteYou're funny. I'm starting to like you . . .That is, your well written, poignant posts, intelligent pokes, etc.
May all your stars shine twice bright: We're all fiery kids at heart.
Watch out for those bad-asses that make your tummy hurt.
Psychopath drama Cheap Thrills. Reminded me of that "cliche" that has been seen too many times in films to be just random: to create terror by using one typical "up" psycho doing what they do in movies and then have this passive "marbled eye doll" movie character at the sidelines; dead-panned & quiet, but in reality far worse than the first mentioned dude. Movie is important due to one thing: illuminates the (rather forgotten) psycho hobby/need to humilate others. Almost EVERY KIND of psycho is equipped with this feature: the vast majority bully weak, stupid, loners or nerdy individuals, a minority loves if an opportunity comes along to debase "well-fed transgressors", to punish them like if they were judges sent by the christian God, like angels holding a scale in one hand..
ReplyDeleteTo the original OP. Why the investment in this fellow? For what? Some fucks...dinner..... LET IT GO.... or else you run the risk of getting obsessive because you feel sum rejection inside. The reality in life is that we all get rejected from time to time. Do not chase him. A big No. Tables might turn. But again why invest? Invest in something else.
ReplyDeleteI am not in any way investing in this guy. I feel that this man knowing that i had been celibate for 6 yrs used me, lied to me... wasted my time. We met on a dating website. He sought me out on two different occasions months apart. He said i was the one for him, he said he wanted me to be his girl and that he wanted a longterm monogamous relationship. Then we talked a while before meeting. Afterwards a while before any sex. Then i was stricken with cancer. I don't put out not that type. But you're dealing with my emotions, feelings, my body. It's like when men use a woman- societyand other men condone it. They don't have any means to suffer consequences for their actions... other men and society wipe off this behavior as being a man this is what men do... and it's isn't ok. If i had used him for his money and sex... the entire blog especially men would call me a whore, hitch, gold digger you name it. He would get the upmost support system by men and women... but i am told to get a hobby, suffer the lost or seen as pathetic or ugly without being seen. Pathetic i am not... if any it takes a pathetic person to be deceitful to obtain sex instead of being a real man to get it. I feel this guy should get a taste of his own medicine see what it is like to be used. I believe you treat a person how you want bottom line. So please give me some advice. Thank you.
DeleteAnon, I know you feel that the socios here are being harsh.
DeleteThat's their gift: to leave emotional desire, longing for union, out of the equation, because this guy has shown you quite clearly that he's not interested in you as a mate.
Yes, he used your celibacy against you. Being a monk or nun is very enticing to some folk: it's a challenge. Nothing more.
The socios are right. Let it go. Screw revenge. It's a boomerang, comes right back at you.
Sorry about the cancer , I hope you are healing. I totally respect what you said, I just didn't want to see you more used up by this guy.
DeleteBut ya, I see what you mean how these types of men don't suffer the consequences. Your too good for him. You can try to play a game with him to heap coals on his head ... but again the investment...is it worth it? Take care of ur emotional health... sounds like he doesn't deserve you.
I met a guy once who I fell over heals for ...it was a slow fade of interest....friendship at first ....then I fell for him .... I just wanted the feeling to go away. I remember reading somewhere if your still thinking of him after three months you might have fallen in love. But was it love or was it infatuation? But I chose my dignity over my fucked up feelings for him. I can see clearer when he's not around. I wosh him well and want him happy. But what a waste of my emotional energy. These men like the chase and nothing more. They get bored quickly and move on. More than likely.... you aren't the only one he's texting. Once they have you for a bit - they just loose interest. It's not a reflection of you - it's a reflection of them inside. His makeup and desires are just different maybe. He lost a good thing. It's either you submit or compromise in between. Only you know what you can handle. But take care of you - there are plenty of good wild men out there that will treat you good. But you fell for him and it's ok. You sound like a bright girl.. you'll figure it out. :)
Hope ya get the gist. Errors ...I peck fast on my phone. ;) And I'm Italian ... so english is not my best written language.
DeleteSorry OP, but I won't be as nice as superchick, though I very much like her comments. Hugs, superchick. I always live your spirit.
DeleteOP, you sound like a victim who wants to stay a victim. Drop the guy already. If he made you angry, if you are obsessing about revenge enough to post your story here and comment on it, he has won.
Just learn from it about yourself and move on. You are bemoaning the double standard between men and women, but you are the one promoting it with your attitude. A man probably would not wave his 6 year virginity as a medal of virtue. You are. 6 years without sex makes you virtuous in your own eyes. Yes it sucks to have lost your new found virginity to such a loser. But learn from it. And stop wanting to be a victim. I have not been on love fraud, but it sounds like you belong there more than here.
We have given you counsel: drop him. You're still blubbering on about how he mistreated you. You don't want advice, you just want someone to massage your ego and encourage you with platitudes. We are not telling you what your itching ears want to hear, so you shut us out, and continue to bemoan your plight. You are defensive when we show you how the victim status you are clinging to is largely self-imposed. Typical.
DeleteYour being female has nothing to do with how we responded to you. You are the one reinforcing that stereotype in your own mind by clinging to your "poor victimized woman abused and exploited a man". I am female, yet I've never been in your position. I'm fairly certain that neither has Green Eyes, who is also a woman. Stop using gender to justify being a victim.
You are broadcasting your weakness and vulnerability. If you don't want someone to take advantage of you, learn to set boundaries and apply them consistently.
Hi
DeleteI understand what you are saying... and I plan on dropping him but in person. Before you start judging me... I do have boundaries that i the sole purpose of abstaining from sex until i found that special man that wanted a longterm monogamous relationship. As I stated he was the one begging for a chance pleading with me how he wanted a longterm monogamous relationship how i was the one for him... i even talked about how i didn't believe inputting out, i do not have casual sex period... so we were two people wanting the same... at least i thought. I do have boundaries if i didn't i would have men in and out of my life sexing them up.
There are worse things than having a man sex up your life. But from what I understand, I am somewhat sexually atypical for a woman. :P
DeleteAnyway, you made a poor judgment call by falling for an age-old tactic. In this case, you failed to respect your own boundaries, and look at the consequences which ensued. There were signs, believe me. You failed to read them, or him, well enough to protect yourself emotionally. That is why there is much wisdom in the old-fashioned notion of waiting until marriage, for those who espouse traditional values, or who are emotionally fragile.
And this business of wanting to drop him in person? Bullshit. You'll just end up blowing him again. Tell him to fuck off. The more impersonally, the better.
@Anon "He said i was the one for him, he said he wanted me to be his girl and that he wanted a longterm monogamous relationship. Then we talked a while before meeting."
DeleteHe lied. You were gullible to believe him, afterall he hadn't even met you. Don't waste another second of your precious time on this liar. He'll get his comeuppance, that's not your job. Learn to negotiate and focus on your own earning potential.
A sociopath "workshop" organized by "constructive" psychopaths? A sociopath theme-park filled with "family orientated" socios?
ReplyDeleteAll theme parks are sociopath-oriented. They have roller-coasters with 100-ft vertical drops and human slingshots that hurl you, spinning, 300 ft in the air at velocities reaching 5G, ffs. XD
ReplyDeleteStay the hell away from these freaks. I was married to one that almost killed me.
ReplyDeleteIt is Dr.EBHOSE you can email him if you need assistance in your relationship ebhodaghespell@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteI promise you your problems are solved immediately. After being in
relationship with him for seven years, he left me, I did everything
can I bring him back behind, but all in vain. He wanted to
for the love I feel for him, begged, but he refused until
explained my problem to someone online and she suggested I should
rather mail a spellcaster that could help me a spell to bring him
back, but I'm the guy who never believed in spells, I had no choice but to
Try it, sent the caster, I said no problem
everything will be fine within three days, my ex come back to me
within three days, the spell was cast and, surprisingly, on the second day,
it was around 4:00 pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, he answered the
call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened,
he wanted to get back to me, which I love so much. I was so happy and
surprised. Since then, I have made a promise that everyone I know will
never have a relationship problem, which I will refer to the spell
launcher to help. Anyone may need the help of the caster, his
email ebhodaghespell@gmail.com
He also made many spell-like,
(1) want your ex back.
(2) You always have nightmares.
(3) To be promoted in his office
(4) Would you like a child.
(5) Want to be rich.
(6) want to keep your husband / wife to be only yours forever.
(7) the need for financial assistance.
8) Do you want to be in control of that marriage
9) Do you want to be attracted to people
10) Childlessness
11) DO YOU NEED A HUSBAND / WIFE
13) How To Win Your LOTTERY
14) SPELL OF PROMOTION
15) PROTECTION SPELL
16) SPELL OF BUSINESS
17) SPELL WORK WELL
18) cure for any disease / H.I.V.
Contact him today at: ebhodaghespell@gmail.com
Hi
DeleteIs this some sort of joke or voodoo. Is your story true
OP
ReplyDeleteI'm not a socio, but you are playing the victim card over and over in your posts.
Every excuse you give: cancer (hope it stays away, good for you in beating it, but how come you can't turn that fortitude to this situation?), abstinence, being conned - all are 'poor me, feel bad for me' plays. Came to the wrong place with those.
So you got conned. Wise up or it'll happen again. The only person who has power over this situation is you, unless you give that power away. See that trashcan (whichever is nearest, it really doesn't matter)? Mentally dump the whole incident in it and walk away. It's gone, it's done, and without a time machine there's nothing you can do about it. But you *can* change how you react to it from now on.
Good luck :)
I should qualify the above remark: even *with* a time machine there's nothing you can do about it with your present mindset - it would just happen again with a different person.
DeleteHi
ReplyDeleteBy no means am I playing poor me or the victim. Me having cancer isn't an excuse, nor isn't me practicing abstinence an excuse either. Those things have absolutely nothing to do with a guy abusing me ti get what he wanted and go unpunished or pay the consequences for his actions to deceive me. There are consequences in life rather the choices are right or wrong. If i have to suffer consequences for my actions... he should too... that's all i am saying. I see no one is focused on that just me- saying I am weak and playing victim card. Being kind and trusting doesn't make you weak. What is weak is- stepping over people's toes, not being honest and trustworthy and abusing a person emotionally and physically to get what you want.abusive weak men use women sexually if that's who they are it doesn't matter if it's eight months later when you have sex... it doesn't mean they are going to stick around... once again his actions should never go unpunished... at some point in our lives- men need to be men and grow the help up. But as long as people excuse their behavior... this will always happen
In your original post, when you were still holding out a faint glimmer of hope that your jackass might turn out to be Prince Charming, after all, you said you wanted to: " manipulate this guy to get whatever i want from him and have him wrapped around my finger... and get him to spend time with me, take me out and use him to my advantage and spend money on me." You wanted to manipulate him into being your boy toy. (But you were kidding yourself. Your mind just wanted another means through which to justify remaining tethered to his hook.)
DeleteNow, when the feedback you received here made it abundantly clear that you were manipulated from the onset, you start talking about your "duty" to exact revenge.
Your duty is towards yourself. The longer you hang on, and nurse this grudge, the more likely it is to develop into an unhealthy fixation that will consume your mind and heart with toxic thoughts and emotions. You will only be hurting yourself. Just let it go.
OP,
DeleteI know you aren't getting the prescription for breaking this guys will - clearly what you want is to balance the scale and you are frustrated that a bunch of sociopaths - the folks that are well known for being destructive and manipulative - aren't giving you what you say you want. I get it (but being surprised that some of them would be harsh about it is just plain Pollyanna).
But, here's the thing: in any game - love, war, the checkout line at the supermarket, if you play, sometimes you'll get had. That is the world we live in.
You want to know what I would do in this case? Just what I said: study my mistakes and walk away. I might file this jackass away in case I see a chance to do something that will be destructive to them.
I was raised by a Queen B manipulator, so it comes naturally to me, but, I know better than to try to do it when I'm emotional in any way and to be aware of bigger predators than me.
The saying often credited to the Russians about revenge is quite true - it really is best served cold.
And you, Cupcake, are piping hot right now.
Great advice! Learn from this and move on, if you can nail the guy further down the road, good and well but now is not the time. You sound codependent, thinking if you offer yourself up on a plate good things will be given in return. Some people are just takers and you will be left empty handed if you don't wise up. Look after yourself and don't believe everything some schmuck with a hardon tells you.
DeleteI saw a few films that have the following motif: A woman is "taken" by a
ReplyDeleteman and she has no choice in the matter. Usually, it's a "mail order"
marriage. The woman doesn't want to be with the man, and she's sure it's going
to be a horrible experience. Through numerious struggles, they develop a love bond.
For example, I saw an old movie starring Jane Wyman. She was married to
Ronald Reagen. She finds herself in a situation where she becomes a reluctant
bride. She is lucky that the man is earnest, forthright, good looking, and has
good character traits. He says, "A time will come when you'll come running after
ME." He is injured in an industral accident, and that is exactly what happens.
He dies, and she says, "Time heals all wounds."
Then, I saw another film, where a French Fur Trapper "buys" a woman, from a
good middle class home. She wants no part of this "marriage" and tries to escape him. She even suceeds in finding her way home, but discovers that things have changed. Her families' response is, Why'd you come back? Her
"husband" finds her and takes her back.
They undergo numerious dangerous struggles together, (He loses a leg) she
helps him. He declares his love for her, which she appreaciates, and it works out.
You see, we complicate male/female relationships. Actually, they are very simple. Someone, must take the lead. In some RARE instances, the woman CAN take the lead, though why she would I don't know. There are plenty of fish
in the sea, and a woman doesn't need to settle for a weakling.
Who fouled up male/female relationships? Satan fouled them up, and Satan's
operatives: The Jews.
So what are you saying, Monica? That women who have been held in captivity by their "spouses" are better off just accepting their plight without fighting back, because it is every woman's place and deep-rooted desire to submit to a strong man who will control and manipulate her every action and thought? How progressively Fifty Shades of Grey of you. :P
DeleteIt is not a "love bond" which develops; it is a form of toxic co-dependency in which the abused becomes emotionally and physically reliant upon her abuser- something I remember your being acquainted with. Often it will manifest with learned helplessness.
True love cannot preclude mutual respect. Any woman who "loves" a cruel captor is really a victim who can no longer integrate and process the trauma she has been subjected to, so she will acquiesce and submit in order to preserve her sanity- but only at a great cost. In "protecting" her emotions, she sacrifices her sense of autonomy and self-respect. This is a travesty. In such a position, I might be very shrewd about it, but I would fight to the bitter end and likely win, or die trying.
You've been reading too many trashy romance novels. :P
And your theology is faulty. To blame the Jews exclusively as a people group is the height of hubris.
Delete@ writer "If i have to suffer consequences for my actions... he should too..."
ReplyDeleteWell, in the perfect world... In our world it doesn't work like that. Life is not fair. He cheated you and there is nothing you can do that will change that. The sooner you accept that, the better you are going to feel.
Dear lady love of sorrows (the OP),
ReplyDeleteIt's clear to me that you've gotten the best advice you're going to get: Let it go.
Here's another reason why you should forego revenge: To hurt someone you have to hit the mark, that is, their Archille's heel, and you appear not to have located that spot. Since he's not invested in you but you are emotionally invested in him, he has the upper hand. Other than public exposing him, which might possibly hurt his game, I don't know what you can do, because even if you do appear to wrap him around your finger and then dump him, he'll simply shrug and move on. He doesn't care about you enough to be hurt by your rejection, or much else. And you can't teach him a lesson because you're the one charged up emotionally whereas he's already cooled.
Someone here said that you need to invest your energies in a more productive direction. The key word here is investment. Invest in something that pays off, rather than a game that eats up your time and energy. The best revenge is living well -- so well that the Asshole weeps for having blown his chance. (No pun intended.)
Good luck, and remember: If you're young-looking and not too weird there will always be men that want you. I'm VERY weird but young-looking and even at my age (60) they line up for the chance. And the fact that I've been celibate for ten years does nothing to deter them -- like I said, many guys find born-again nuns a challenge. So if I were you I'd keep that bit of info to yourself until you know the person very well.
Good luck.
Why would you want this loser spending money on you? That would involve wasting time shopping with him. Money is a form of energy, don't allow negative energy into your life. Revenge is running into this dude a couple of years from now - after you've learned how to handle yourself - looking well and feeling good, with zero interest in the likes of him. You have a soft heart; combine that with a bit of sass and you will be invincible!
ReplyDeleteOne investigator said to another:
ReplyDelete"man, those psychos have gathered
these folks just fight, scream & cuss
why do we have to stand all that fuss?"
They thought about what they´ve read
and after doing so this is what they said:
"-so many nutters, disturbed to the bone
wouldn´t wanna meet them all alone.."
OP,
ReplyDeleteWhat you really want is to alleviate the pain of getting played: embarrassment, anger, hurt, etc.
Ain't gonna happen.
The best you can hope for is to get out of this with new knowledge and strength that you will be able to recognize this BS in the future and that you will be strong enough to handle this situation if you can't.
What I would do is break all contact. After a few weeks if he still tries to contact you, respond with something mysterious that will drive him crazy, something with a whiff of money or danger. "Sorry, had to handle my uncle's will. Left my charger in Boston." Or "Just got my computer back from the State." Then, never contact him again. Ever.
Everyone is right, don't drag this out.
If you have been screwed over by a sociopath, the only partially satisfying revenge you can get is to wave a magic wand and turn the sociopath into an empath and make him or her suffer, so they know how you felt. I don't know if anyone here is a Shakespeare fan, but his "tragicomedy," MEASURE FOR MEASURE is about trying to make such an event happen. It's just a play though. I destroyed a sociopath once (a leader of the second worst cult in Oregon history). About 30 years after I destroyed him (in a court trial that went to the Oregon Supreme Court), he dropped dead of a heart attack. Did he ever understand what an ass hole he was? (I wasn't hurt, but he harmed many lives before I stopped him.) I have no doubt that he never had a moment's understanding and remorse for the harm he caused many people. The only result really (besides stopping him before he did any more harm) was that I got stuck a bit in the past and realized how close I am to the man I destroyed.
ReplyDeleteWho the fuck got revenged here?
" The only result really (besides stopping him before he did any more harm) was that I got stuck a bit in the past and realized how close I am to the man I destroyed.
DeleteWho the fuck got revenged here?"
Bingo. I can relate. Enlightening.
Alone, night, reading all those words, some of them made me cry.
ReplyDeleteI'll try to formulate those cries with words, for you people, I'll try to make it readable, despite the tremendous difficulties raised by those questions, for me, and for most of us, it seems.
I'm one of those wired with feelings, but broken too, the sensitive and hurt kind, the low self-esteem and naive kind, the victim kind, and also the gifted kind (that sensitivity is a gift too babies), but unable to live normally too, I wouldn't say it's better or worse, I don't believe we're so different in the end, but I'd agree to say that we're wired differently. I've been passionate by those differences for a long time, but it's been painful.
We're built on illusions too, that may be our common point, with the deep fear of abandonment. And I always say that only when you begin to accept reality, and to understand the "game", it becomes interesting, because till you hurt or get hurt, it's only pain, felt or made felt by others (according the way you're being wired)... But it's been years I began to understand the game, and it never stop being hurting ! Ha ha ! Am I really changing is the question I'm often asking myself.
Yes I belong to the "category" of those who suffer for others, in their place, who get used and abused. And I find very interesting to read you all. I'm now reacting to what some of your words, with those feelings, that have been so often hurt by you guys, I'm reacting for the girl who's been used, and for those who are saying that she was probably not a good lay... I learnt the world tonight - as I'm not a native english - and I must say how painful it is to read those words qualifying this person that is obviously suffering, as unconscious as she is of her part in the game. All our troubles come from our unconsciousness anyway... the trouble we inflict to others, unknowingly too. Actually those who don't feel the pain themselves, hurt, manipulate, judge and reduce the others, to keep on feeling strong themselves, one day someone will touch their broken heart and make them feel their own shame, hopefully, in a loving way. It's always a questions of growing in self awareness, on both sides.
Oh what a sad game, what a bad game we all play, so much pain that could be avoided...
I've not started to really say anything yet, but it's already too long. I'm gonna keep on reading you guys, see if my point of view gets more clear.
Just a word to send my love to the one who's been used, and tell her that she'll have to get to know herself more and more, and to learn to be more honest to herself, that's the job, for all of us, and little by little realize that the violence towards herself is here, within herself, she'll need to bring a lot of empathy to all her broken parts, she'll need to work at building a kind of protective envelope for herself, where she can feel secure, and she will get to heal herself from her fears and learn little by little what is a happy love. It's a language most of us have never learnt, wether we're plugged in a way or another.
Glad ++
I didn't read that anywhere in the advices I've been reading, but one thing that worked well for me, after months of pain, unable to move on after having felt betrayed : saying to the person you need to speak, after you have been a bit deep in your own feelings (pain, anger, sadness, etc.) and expressing your true feelings without expecting anything in return, just doing it for yourself, because you need to do it, you need your dignity back, you need to feel defended, etc. I really believe that communicating what you've been through, and even your sadness, in a very honest way, can also be a very good way to repair yourself, and to recover your sense of dignity, and face the reality of what happened. This is not the easiest way, but to me this is a interesting thing to do. It's hard, but it can be good for you to do that, in my opinion.
ReplyDelete(And to help you in this direction I would suggest a book written by Marshall B. Rosenberg about non-violent communication, really really mind changing !! good luck !!)
Anyone else notice the OP's contradictions about herself in those replies? Very funny.
ReplyDeleteGot to go - eclipse starting, dogs going barmy.
How is she contradicting herself?
DeleteIf she choose to remain " kind, compassionate, and trusting" well that's her. She also says that she agree that she need to apply assertiveness and her understanding of what she needs to do. How is that funny or contradicting herself?
She didn't choose that - exactly my point. She wanted to manipulate him. That's not being "kind, compassionate, and trusting". So funny when people get on their high horses and think they're smoke-screening. Another slice of ego, anyone? Or are we all full up now?
DeleteShe's not contradicting herself, follow the timeline. Having accepted that she must expunge this loser from her mind, together with any thoughts of revenge, she then decided that she wants to stay true to herself and continue to be a kind and compassionate person, albeit a wiser and more discerning one.
DeleteOP, if you're still reading - here is a link to a website that offers excellent advice on dating and avoiding idiots like the one you mentioned: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/
And you know what she decided... how? (Place your bets now folks)
DeleteRead what she wrote, it will fill you in on her thought process.
DeleteUm no (and ding ding ding - red 22!). It just tells me what she wrote.
DeleteIf you're not able to make the leap, I can't help you.
Delete1. Red 22 was apparently too subtle (not something with which I am often associated). Herring might have been better. Never mind.
Delete2. Having just correctly predicted your last three responses, the game no longer holds interest for me. But maybe someone else will play. Don't get discouraged :)
If that's your idea of a game, you really should get out more.
DeleteLet's read what se correctly. She didn't want to manipulate him until after the fact he had lied and manipulate and uses her not beforehand. Until then her kindness and compassionate ways made her trust him Op doesn't appear to be on a high horse- being kind and a pathetic so called man use you for his own selfish interest doesn't her on a high horse- she is hurt an way to trusting of people. Nothing more nothing less.if anything this man started the relationship to manipulate her from the beginning not her.
ReplyDeleteManitou.
DeleteDo not sleep with any man for at least 60 days! Have self-worth and keep the power in your court! Read Mathew Hussey and get in the game and never ever settle for anything less than the best! Be treated like a princess because you're worth it!
ReplyDeleteThis Op. In between the time we talked by phone and texting until we had met and decided to take what I believed to be a relationship as he said... it had been over 60 days. I just didn't sleep with him in a moment's notice. From this experience some men would wait how ever long to get what they want then still disgard you... this is what he did. He continued to text asking me to suck his cock knowingly I am recovering from cancer... so I told him my feelings and he coward out didn't say sorry just stopped his texting.
DeleteMove on he just did not care........
DeleteHe just can't do another way, or he would, believe me, it's useless to judge him and think of the better ways you could name it, even if I completely understand your anger and that's why I'm writing to you, to avoid loosing as much time as I've done being angry. You know, their bad behaviors is the reflection of the violence they have inside them, often unconsciously, but in the world where we life, thinking how we think, communication like we do, being educated and treated as we were, it's quite normal to have a lot of violence inside us. This doesn't mean at all that you have to accept the other's behavior, it means you have to change your thinkings to stop suffering, and learn to see what's happening in yourself when you feel this or that, because your anger only comes from the way you think, your ideas on yourself, on the others, etc. So I really believe you were very right to do write to him, if you did, seriously (maybe you would have needed to talk to him in front also, that's possible, to learn more). But I think that now it's better for you if you don't expect him to reply, the important was that you expressed your feelings, and then you now exist, and the fact he stopped is the sign he received the message, his own way. But you were true to yourself doing that, and you did it for yourself. Now, what helped me a lot is to discover the work of the man I'm talking about a few messages above. He's got videos on youtube too, and it's quite surprising.
DeleteI have a good news : it seems that mental illness doesn't exist. It's a Myth invented to serve the interest of a world based on domination principles.
ReplyDeleteIf you are interested by the idea please ask precise questions or formulate precise ideas so we can debate properly.
Maybe we could open a topic on this question.
Glad.
"My question... I want to manipulate this guy to get whatever i want from him and have him wrapped around my finger..."
ReplyDeleteHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA boy are you pathetic
He beat you on your own game, you are pretty stupid to think you can manipulate him, you cant give him anything so you dont have any leverage
What to do?
Move on and accept you lost
HAHAHHA
What to do ? Learn and grow. We are all stupid, the idea is to become a little less stupid, to see a bit further than the end of our nose (if we can use the expression in english, hmm not sure).
DeleteOMG!!,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. My name is Natasha Johnson,i live in Florida,USA,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr Brave for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. { bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, Thanks..
ReplyDeleteThis website and Dr.Brave is nothing but a scam... after you send him money through western union... he will ask for more money in order to finish the spell and the people on the picture aren't real but photocopies. Don't trust this man he is just making money off people's heartache and unfortunate circumstances.
DeleteBest SW post! I think there should be am "Advice" section on here for normal people to ask sociopaths life advice. I know for a fact that this not the norm, but when I ask for advice, I am looking for an honest opinion. Nothing bugs me more than when people sugarcoat the truth and let me make a fool of myself because they don't want to seem like bad people.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I know exactly what you should do in this case to get the results you desire. I know what it feels like when men think they are so clever because they humiliated you and made you feel subhuman. Your situation is great, though, because he clearly still thinks he's smarter than you. Do NOT tell him how he makes you feel (he will not care, trust me).
This is what you should do: text him, pretend you've always had the fantasy of giving head in a public place. When I did this, I suggested the parking lot of a Dunkin Donuts in town. Make sure to communicate in a believable manner that you are seriously down for sucking his dick in a random place, so that he drives out there. Then block his number and never talk to him again like he is useless junk you threw in the trash (he is).
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMy name is MARY from USA .I am here to give a testimony on how I got my ex boyfriend back. My ex left me for no reason 3 years ago. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good to help my problem and, my friend also said that the spell caster gave him some lucky numbers that he played in a lottery and he won. I didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. He begged me further so I decided to try this great spell caster called DR SALOBA. I still didn't believe. but I used the spell he gave me and the next day I received a call from my darling boyfriend Thomas last week. He apologized and came back to me. He even gave me 10,000USD as a means of compensating me. I'm very happy now. Thank you DR SALOBA, You can reach DR SALOBA ON via email: salobaspiritualtemple@gmail.com OR you can call my DR SALOBA on +2349036493771. He can solve any problem like,
ReplyDelete(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) you need a divorce in your relationship.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women & men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband & wife to be yours forever.
(8) If you need financial stance.
(9) He can make you pregnancy.
(10) He can cure you from any diseases.
(11) HIV CURE.
(12) Do you have a low sperm count?
contact: salobaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
Es Dr.KAKUTA usted puede email él si necesita ayuda en su relación Kakutaspellz@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteTe prometo que sus problemas se resuelven de inmediato. Después de estar en
relación con él durante siete años, me dejó, yo hice todo
¿Podré yo hacerle volver atrás, pero todo fue en vano. Quería
por el amor que siento por él, suplicó, pero él se negó hasta
explicado mi problema con alguien en línea y ella me sugirió que debería
más bien por correo un lanzador de conjuros que me podría ayudar a un hechizo que le trajera
espalda, pero soy el tipo que nunca creyó en hechizos, no tenía más remedio que
Pruébalo, enviado al taumaturgo, dije no hay problema
todo estará bien dentro de tres días, mis ex vuelven a mí
dentro de los tres días, el hechizo fue lanzado y, sorprendentemente, en el segundo día,
que fue alrededor de las 4:00 pm. Mi ex me llamó, yo estaba tan sorprendido, respondió el
llaman y todo lo que dijo fue que estaba tan mal por todo lo que pasó,
quería volver a mí, que me encanta tanto. Yo estaba tan feliz y
sorprendido. Desde entonces, he hecho la promesa de que todos los que conocemos la voluntad
nunca tienen un problema de relación, que me voy a referir al hechizo
lanzador para ayudar. Cualquier persona puede necesitar la ayuda de la máquina de colada, su
email Kakutaspellz@gmail.com
También hizo muchos hechizo-like,
(1) quiere que su ex atrás.
(2) Usted siempre tiene pesadillas.
(3) Para ser promovido en su oficina
(4) ¿Quieres un niño.
(5) ¿Quieres ser rico.
(6) quieren mantener su esposo / esposa a ser solo tuya para siempre.
(7) la necesidad de asistencia financiera.
8) ¿Quieres estar en control de que el matrimonio
9) ¿Quieres ser atraído a la gente
10) La falta de hijos
11) ¿NECESITA UN ESPOSO / ESPOSA
13) Cómo ganar su LOTERÍA
14) HECHIZO DE PROMOCIÓN
15) HECHIZO DE PROTECCIÓN
16) HECHIZO DE NEGOCIO
17) BIEN TRABAJO HECHIZO
18) cura para cualquier enfermedad / H.I.V.
Póngase en contacto con él hoy en: Kakutaspellz@gmail.com