From a reader:
Firstly, I'd like to tell you that I'm not a native English speaker, so excuse me, if there are any language mistakes.
I think I may be a high-functioning sociopath, but I also can find some definitely non-sociopathic behaviour. First, I have to tell you that I have cerebral palsy, but it's a light form, so I don't have much problems with it. But why i think I'm a sociopath?
When I was a kid, I had moments in which I felt I didn't have the same feelings as other people. For example, I was never able to feel love to my parents, and therefore to say them: ''I love you'', or to be moved by a song, and I couldn't make many face expressions. Additionally, I was quite well accepted by people, but strangely I was good contacting mainly with the older ones, meaning that I was the loner at school. But I also had that period when I didn't want to meet new people and I was starting to growl and felt anger (I know that there is too much contradiction, right?). Another contradiction is that, while I was the loner at school, I also tried to be with the other kids and to communicate with them, but most of the time I was rejected.
Later, at middle school, this tendency continued, but (another contradiction) I started chatting to some of my mates on the Internet and in 6th grade we became friends. My behaviour with them wasn't like the one that is expected from a sociopath - many times I was rude and sarcasstic with them, but it wasn't a big deal. Most of these people are still my friends.
When I entered high school, the same story began. I tried to get in contact with people, but again I was somehow rude to them and I didn't made any friends (maybe here is the place to say that since I was a kid, I've had moments in which I had thought that I'm better without friends). At the second year, the rudeness peaked and I lost any opportunity to have friends at my class. In the summer I went to an excursion in the mountain, and met there three girls, all one year younger than me, and we became friends. On the next school year I had the idea of stay and repeat the school year, so we can be at the same class. It didn't happen, and, additionally, I started behaving extremely rude with my classmates, which worsed my relations with them (that rudeness was a theatre, but i will talk about it at another point of the e-mail).
Now I'm 18 and I'm 11th grade, second-to-last year high school student. The relations with my classmates improved, but still I don't have friends at my class.
I think some of my problems at school are caused by my incapacity of feel empathy, gulit, fear (to a lesser extent) and remorse. For a contradiction, I have to say that I'm not very risky person, and even had regret missing some opportunities for meeting new people, for example. Another contradiction is that I don't like thinking much about important things. For example, I decided i want to learn Spanish at high school after the first episode of a Spanish TV series.
My personality is something very relative. I have never had any favourite music style, celebrity, etc. Instead I have taken parts of music styles that I like, and I have used them to try a create an image, but I have always failed. When talking with people, I immitate emotions, so I can be appropiate, but I have problem with face expressions. In last years, I have trained myself to be a good liar, and when I'm with friends, or face a problem at school, it works.
Boredom is something I have always experienced. It had led me to a number of things - changing wishes for jobs, becoming bored of people, imagining making friendships with other people, strange behaviour on the Internet (as you see, imaginary things are also a contradiction, but I will clarify this at the other part of the mail), etc.
At my family things are thew following: my parents say I was very good and sociable child, yet I've had also spend much time alone and i was selfish. Here is where my first problems at school started to influence me. At junior school I was the best student - no need to say that I loved being said that I'm smart and intelligent. But in 5th grade I started failing at maths. As my father is very good with maths, he started helping me to learn the things faster. The problem was that I wasn't understanidg anything and he started to yell at me and sometimes even insult me. After that I have always felt bad, but only for a short time. Another problem was my lying. When I had a bad mark at maths, I was lying that the results hadn't come out yet, but in few days I was ending up with an explanation and a dramatic excuse. Later I continued to lie them about other things, but it led to a paradox where in most cases when I lie, they believe me, but in some cases when I tell them the truth, they don't believe me.
I have a brother. He is 16 months old. When I heard I will have a brother, I turned to the calendar, pretending to see if it was the 1st of April, then I said: ''O.K.''
When he was born, I faked a smile at my face. I have never paid him much attention. But some months ago, something interesting happened.
I was playing with him (very rare thing) an suddenly put my hand on his throat and I felt a crave to kill him. But I stopped for a second, started thinking, and then I felt horrible. The idea of doing it was horrible. But I continued imagining it and I got into a point when I liked the fantasy and even started asking myself: ''If I kill him, would I feel better?'' But I didn't do it. Now I don't have this fantasy. And it wasn't the first time I had experienced it. When I was a kid, I used to imagine myself killing my then baby cousin, and when I was holding a knife, I've had a craving to kill the person against me, and I even was asking myself: ''What it would be if I do it?''
With my relatives I have generally a good connection. The only real bad thing I have done was when my grandma died. She died in front of my eyes. firstly, I didn't feel anything, then I forced myself to cry, and cried for 15 minutes. At the funeral I wasn't crying and I was thinking: ''What's wrong with me?'', but, at the end, I forced again myself to cry and thought: ''I cry, so I'm normal''.
The non-sociopathic part of me is related to my behaviour and there are 2 crucial characteristics. The first one is my imagination. With this one I had fulfilled many of my time, and I still continue to do it. It's very various and includes things both from the real and from fictional worlds. I've had fantasies about making friendships with people, having talents like singing, I invented a parallel government of the youth people in my head and was the primr-minister for a while, I've had imagining ideal love and ways to get to know my crushes, etc. The other one is related with something which I call hyperactivity, and the others are calling it extra energy. It consists in constant walking, or jumping, or running inside and outside with stick, pen, pencil, or whatever similar, and it is a way to express the little bit of emotions that I have (a contradiction to what I've said above, but true), because this emotions are the power of this hyperactivity. I even do it in class if I'm bored (it happens almost all of the time) and is something that people around me know that is a part of me, but some of them, like my parents, are annoyed from it and try to stop me doing it. Recently, emotions aren't the power of this movement, because they don't exist, or if they are, I have to think about an emotion to be able to feel it.
There are two less important characteristics, as they are more recent. One of them is that I was a hypohondriac and had diagnosed myself with diabetes, AIDS, schizofrenia, paranoia, etc. Because of the schizofrenia thoughts I started visiting the school psychologist. Now she knows that I think I'm a sociopath, but doesn't believe I am one. The other one is something that I know is very non-sociopathic. I have a problem with my sexual orientation. When i was 11 I found out that I'm gay (I'm a boy) and as I knew that I find out boys as more beautiful than girls, I was O.K. with that. My friends (they are all girls), also. My crushes were boys from school, mainly younger than me. The only year I had crushes older than me was the first year of high school, as I was among the youngest. The feelings were always different, the time - not too much, and they all were boys that I didn't know personally. However, with the last two of my crushes I had strong feelings and I liked them for a longer time. My last crush was from the class of my friends and even started dating one of them. I was hurt, but overcame this for 2 days.
But even of the time when I liked my second-to-last crush, I had the thought that I may like a girl. It wasn't very important, so I forgot it after a while. But recently I realised that since then there was an emerging feel towards girls, which I still want to eliminate. Now I'm in a situation where I find many boys cute, I even have a crush, and it's a combination of jealous when I see him with another girl, and the knowing that I'm hetero.
That's it. I have more information, but maybe I will post it on the comment section of the blog.
Firstly, I'd like to tell you that I'm not a native English speaker, so excuse me, if there are any language mistakes.
I think I may be a high-functioning sociopath, but I also can find some definitely non-sociopathic behaviour. First, I have to tell you that I have cerebral palsy, but it's a light form, so I don't have much problems with it. But why i think I'm a sociopath?
When I was a kid, I had moments in which I felt I didn't have the same feelings as other people. For example, I was never able to feel love to my parents, and therefore to say them: ''I love you'', or to be moved by a song, and I couldn't make many face expressions. Additionally, I was quite well accepted by people, but strangely I was good contacting mainly with the older ones, meaning that I was the loner at school. But I also had that period when I didn't want to meet new people and I was starting to growl and felt anger (I know that there is too much contradiction, right?). Another contradiction is that, while I was the loner at school, I also tried to be with the other kids and to communicate with them, but most of the time I was rejected.
Later, at middle school, this tendency continued, but (another contradiction) I started chatting to some of my mates on the Internet and in 6th grade we became friends. My behaviour with them wasn't like the one that is expected from a sociopath - many times I was rude and sarcasstic with them, but it wasn't a big deal. Most of these people are still my friends.
When I entered high school, the same story began. I tried to get in contact with people, but again I was somehow rude to them and I didn't made any friends (maybe here is the place to say that since I was a kid, I've had moments in which I had thought that I'm better without friends). At the second year, the rudeness peaked and I lost any opportunity to have friends at my class. In the summer I went to an excursion in the mountain, and met there three girls, all one year younger than me, and we became friends. On the next school year I had the idea of stay and repeat the school year, so we can be at the same class. It didn't happen, and, additionally, I started behaving extremely rude with my classmates, which worsed my relations with them (that rudeness was a theatre, but i will talk about it at another point of the e-mail).
Now I'm 18 and I'm 11th grade, second-to-last year high school student. The relations with my classmates improved, but still I don't have friends at my class.
I think some of my problems at school are caused by my incapacity of feel empathy, gulit, fear (to a lesser extent) and remorse. For a contradiction, I have to say that I'm not very risky person, and even had regret missing some opportunities for meeting new people, for example. Another contradiction is that I don't like thinking much about important things. For example, I decided i want to learn Spanish at high school after the first episode of a Spanish TV series.
My personality is something very relative. I have never had any favourite music style, celebrity, etc. Instead I have taken parts of music styles that I like, and I have used them to try a create an image, but I have always failed. When talking with people, I immitate emotions, so I can be appropiate, but I have problem with face expressions. In last years, I have trained myself to be a good liar, and when I'm with friends, or face a problem at school, it works.
Boredom is something I have always experienced. It had led me to a number of things - changing wishes for jobs, becoming bored of people, imagining making friendships with other people, strange behaviour on the Internet (as you see, imaginary things are also a contradiction, but I will clarify this at the other part of the mail), etc.
At my family things are thew following: my parents say I was very good and sociable child, yet I've had also spend much time alone and i was selfish. Here is where my first problems at school started to influence me. At junior school I was the best student - no need to say that I loved being said that I'm smart and intelligent. But in 5th grade I started failing at maths. As my father is very good with maths, he started helping me to learn the things faster. The problem was that I wasn't understanidg anything and he started to yell at me and sometimes even insult me. After that I have always felt bad, but only for a short time. Another problem was my lying. When I had a bad mark at maths, I was lying that the results hadn't come out yet, but in few days I was ending up with an explanation and a dramatic excuse. Later I continued to lie them about other things, but it led to a paradox where in most cases when I lie, they believe me, but in some cases when I tell them the truth, they don't believe me.
I have a brother. He is 16 months old. When I heard I will have a brother, I turned to the calendar, pretending to see if it was the 1st of April, then I said: ''O.K.''
When he was born, I faked a smile at my face. I have never paid him much attention. But some months ago, something interesting happened.
I was playing with him (very rare thing) an suddenly put my hand on his throat and I felt a crave to kill him. But I stopped for a second, started thinking, and then I felt horrible. The idea of doing it was horrible. But I continued imagining it and I got into a point when I liked the fantasy and even started asking myself: ''If I kill him, would I feel better?'' But I didn't do it. Now I don't have this fantasy. And it wasn't the first time I had experienced it. When I was a kid, I used to imagine myself killing my then baby cousin, and when I was holding a knife, I've had a craving to kill the person against me, and I even was asking myself: ''What it would be if I do it?''
With my relatives I have generally a good connection. The only real bad thing I have done was when my grandma died. She died in front of my eyes. firstly, I didn't feel anything, then I forced myself to cry, and cried for 15 minutes. At the funeral I wasn't crying and I was thinking: ''What's wrong with me?'', but, at the end, I forced again myself to cry and thought: ''I cry, so I'm normal''.
The non-sociopathic part of me is related to my behaviour and there are 2 crucial characteristics. The first one is my imagination. With this one I had fulfilled many of my time, and I still continue to do it. It's very various and includes things both from the real and from fictional worlds. I've had fantasies about making friendships with people, having talents like singing, I invented a parallel government of the youth people in my head and was the primr-minister for a while, I've had imagining ideal love and ways to get to know my crushes, etc. The other one is related with something which I call hyperactivity, and the others are calling it extra energy. It consists in constant walking, or jumping, or running inside and outside with stick, pen, pencil, or whatever similar, and it is a way to express the little bit of emotions that I have (a contradiction to what I've said above, but true), because this emotions are the power of this hyperactivity. I even do it in class if I'm bored (it happens almost all of the time) and is something that people around me know that is a part of me, but some of them, like my parents, are annoyed from it and try to stop me doing it. Recently, emotions aren't the power of this movement, because they don't exist, or if they are, I have to think about an emotion to be able to feel it.
There are two less important characteristics, as they are more recent. One of them is that I was a hypohondriac and had diagnosed myself with diabetes, AIDS, schizofrenia, paranoia, etc. Because of the schizofrenia thoughts I started visiting the school psychologist. Now she knows that I think I'm a sociopath, but doesn't believe I am one. The other one is something that I know is very non-sociopathic. I have a problem with my sexual orientation. When i was 11 I found out that I'm gay (I'm a boy) and as I knew that I find out boys as more beautiful than girls, I was O.K. with that. My friends (they are all girls), also. My crushes were boys from school, mainly younger than me. The only year I had crushes older than me was the first year of high school, as I was among the youngest. The feelings were always different, the time - not too much, and they all were boys that I didn't know personally. However, with the last two of my crushes I had strong feelings and I liked them for a longer time. My last crush was from the class of my friends and even started dating one of them. I was hurt, but overcame this for 2 days.
But even of the time when I liked my second-to-last crush, I had the thought that I may like a girl. It wasn't very important, so I forgot it after a while. But recently I realised that since then there was an emerging feel towards girls, which I still want to eliminate. Now I'm in a situation where I find many boys cute, I even have a crush, and it's a combination of jealous when I see him with another girl, and the knowing that I'm hetero.
That's it. I have more information, but maybe I will post it on the comment section of the blog.
You merely sound pathetic. Perhaps go to a support board for people with disabilities.
ReplyDeleteSocios have LOTS of emotions, for themselves. Few people can feel as sorry for themselves as they can.
ReplyDeleteReally?
Deleteyes, we HAVE emotions, but they're controlled by our logic, and they're our own way, not like others, and they're not ALOT.
Deleteand if you want the truth, the truth is that we do feel sorry for ourselves, most of us have felt that at some point, you just have to pay attention to our reactions. you can see it even through this web's comments. but that's probably only because we get confused by the definitions that people have created comparing to our feelings and the way we are.. definition of "good" and "right" and "humanity" and all that.
Sociopaths have emotions.
DeleteTell a sociopath they "must" do something or that they can't do what they want to do. Even if at first the sociopath rolls with it - figuring that now it is "game on" and they've got to try to see what they can get out of you now, if he starts to think that you are going to stop him from getting what he wants, there'll be emotions.
If you show him a beheading video or two in there though, don't expect him to care - he's too busy thinking about trying to get what he wants to imagine what it'd be like to be the guy losing his head, cutting off the head or filming the whole mess.
that's what "not like others" meant.
DeleteA true sociopath wouldn't wonder whether they are a sociopath, or would
ReplyDeletestreniously deny it.
Basically, sociopaths have bigger fish to fry, then hand ringing introspection.
When I wanted to determine whether my queen M.E. was truly a sociopath, I
had a number of paltry clues I could use, but they were indespensible.
I read MOST of her book of course, and I noted her family relationships.
She LOVES her favorite brother, and would NEVER do anything to hurt him.
If he died, she WOULD cry, and NOT for affect. She wouldn't just dab a tissue
around her eyes.
Sociopaths can't love. Killing a person-even a family member-means NOTHING
to them.
Two good films about children sociopaths are: "The Bad Seed," (1956) and
"The Good Son," starring Macully Culkin. Sociopaths are quasi human.
"The end justifies the means." But the pretty female sociopath DOES have her
uses. She can be restrained (With drugs?) and kept captive. You must keep her
away from sharp objects, and be aware of biting. If the proper precautions are
taken, you can place your small twin bed next to hers and lavish her with love
for hours. You can let her know that you ADORE her and you'll love no one else
FOREVER. Only thing is, she'll agressively fight you until she is "broken" and
the piss and poop will be annoying for you to clean up.
You're just wrong
DeleteYep sociopaths feel emotions , but don't feel remorse because they live in the "now" it's just like normal humans have a cup for emotions but sociopaths have a cup with holes in it
Delete@Anon: Kudos for committing to "Anon." Now, I want to see you defend that turf. 8)~
DeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteI don't think that you're a sociopath for many reasons. but we can't say for sure, and a psychologist may be better for a consult, but I understand if you wouldn't want to go to one.
by asking if you're a socio or not, you are trying to find yourself and find the reasons of your everyday behavior and your thoughts. and I can't say for sure, that you're not a sociopath, but I can do something better for you, there's a popular test of personality, that is really accurate and efficient. and by doing that, you'll find more answers than listening to this morons who comment here and don't care at all. and also, I don't think any of them are a true sociopath, since sociopaths are highly logical and wise.
please do the test, and after that you may not care if you are a socio or not. and if you felt that it's ok, i'll be happy to know what your type was.
http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
I'm the author of the mail. I have done this test twice and the last time I was INTS, I think. And in case you haven't read, I actually go to a psychologist. Yes, she is at school, but she is a clinical psychologist.
DeleteI'm not sure how helpful that personality test is: if your responses are fluid, it's hard to answer accurately. Going back and retaking with your 'other' typical response can give a completely different personality type.
DeleteYou can just be you :)
I was an INTP too. sry I didn't read your whole mail, there wasn't enough time.
DeleteSansDire, I get what you're trying to say, but it is possible for us, sociopaths to answer the truth when we want to, and it's not that complicated to know the truth.
so, I don't understand why you need to know if you're a socio or not, you should realize that these, "INTP" "sociopath" and all that, are just "names". and if you haven't noticed, the INTP profile, is describing a sociopath but only the better side. I mean, the whole lying thing, attempts to kill some one, bisexuality, and all that, are left in the dark on that profile.
why do you need to know?
I said INTS!
DeleteI thought that's a typo, because there's no INTS
DeleteHi SL, think you misunderstood: I wasn't asking if I am a socio (I'm not), or saying that a socio always lies, I was merely pointing out that the test isn't helpful if your answers are fluid. For example, my accurate answer to at least 36 of the questions would be "Depends on the situation", which isn't the same as being neutral (it'll be a form of agree or disagree depending on what situation applies) and for a couple it's pretty much "Not applicable". Now, I can't really use those answers on that test. I can think of two opposing situations, apply the accurate answer for each on a separate test, and I can choose neutral for the non-applicable answers. But to my own mind, I am not answering accurately and furthermore I get two different personality types. Doesn't bother me, but might not be helpful to the OP if they are looking for clarity (which they appear to be).
DeleteSecond point being the OP could just be himself and not worry about the label - which I think is the same as what you are saying in your second paragraph above. A name/label is not a person.
you're the first around me who had that problem. I can totally answer the questions and I don't have any problem with thinking about different situations. I don't know why. me and 2 of my friends, have been really ok with the test and it was SO true about us. every line of it. I'm not sure about the reason of this difference.
DeleteCould just be that I am horribly literal and truthful in my natural state. I'm better at 'letting it slide' on this kind of thing than I used to be. Well, sometimes <-- perfect example.
DeleteNot sure by your answer if my "(I'm not)" made it clear: I meant that I am not a socio, as the reason I wasn't asking the question. Don't want to cause confusion over the subject. BTW, as I'm sure you know, empaths lie their asses off a great deal of the time and I would guess they are more likely to lie on a test such as this than a socio would be if taking it purely for themselves. That's the weird thing about them.
"Them" being empaths, in case that wasn't clear.
Deleteit was clear.
DeleteYou sound more like an autistic person really.
ReplyDeleteI don't think aspies would jump on their brother in a serious attempt to kill him. But the action and horrification followed so soon seems psychotic
DeleteActually, Aspies can be quite violent...Adam Lanza ring a bell?
Deletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandy_Hook_Elementary_School_shooting
hello everyone !!! omg ! when I learnt your post,I identified me.... I'm perplexed, It means that i am a sociopath?
ReplyDeleteLet's see...
DeleteLol, with that reaction? probably not :)
DeleteTry this test and let us know please,
http://personality-testing.info/tests/LSRP.php
:)) maybe,you're right
Deleteso,i made the test .....look the reults of my LSRP
http://personality-testing.info/tests/LSRP.php
DeleteI can't see the results. I had 5 on primary and 4.8 on secondary psychopathy
DeleteEither that is a score out of 100, or a case study in how delusional thinking influences self testing :)
DeleteSo, out of interest, I took that test. I laughed at the results (or rather the percentile I was placed in regarding them). If I took such things seriously, I might start worrying ;)
DeleteStudy Islam and you'll find the truth if Allah wants.
ReplyDeleteMmm, a psychopath with cerebral palsy... ...is it hard to keep the gazing stare? lol
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, you seem to suffer from some kind of disorder. Not really psychopathic though (because of your human inside struggles). Not schizophrenic because your story seams quite coherent. Im not a psychologist or motivated enough to find this out but it seems to have some overlap with a psychotic disorder or Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I daydream a lot too. But i think about things im going to do or going to say or think about how my actions will change things for me.
But you seem to take the daydreaming to a higher more fictional level. To escape reality.
Psychopaths thrive in reality, they love the here and now as long as its exciting. They can't sit still and do nothing. So i think you should look further
Lately it's been like Soicopath World Juniors...
ReplyDeleteOverly pathetic for over 50 crowd to handle. Bored me to death to read it all.
Wait...you actually read all that crap?
DeleteGood Lord! How masochistic are you?
This is the way the world ends. Bored.
ReplyDeleteHi, RA.
DeleteWhat you said really resonated with me.
The young ones who are bored find a way to destroy themselves and end the world that way.
And, for the old ones the world ends no matter what and surely they are bored with all the limitations.
I guess boredom and end go together one way or another.
That Chinese saying... May you live in interesting times... Best wish indeed.
Hello, author of the letter. I will take a few minutes off my Sunday leisure time to tell you something important. You do not sound sociopatic to me, but you'd be better off at a shrink. But I know a thing or two about bad teenagehood, and you sound like a teenager going through some rough times. You might not even realise that yourself. Emotions do shut down in that period if your life is far from ideal. You are building up your self defence after childhood and you can get maladjusted as a result, but it's just a phase. I was an overly sensitive child and then I got cold, numb, weird, and I didn't have a clue what was wrong with me but I used to wonder whether I was a sociopath too. I eventually turned 20, fell in love, cared deeply about someone else. Then it changed again over time... What I mean, is that things are not black or white, particularly not when you are 18. Some of your symptoms actually sound obssessive compulsive. It doesn't mean you have OCD. You might or might not, only time will tell. Do not try to figure yourself out, life will do that for you. Try to be in the moment, study hard, find a hobby, get out of the Internet, find yourself a boyfriend, go swimming under the sun. Stop wondering. Now. It will take you nowhere.
ReplyDeleteNo parents asking the "classic question"? Maybe they´ve seen wee Amanda viciously attack the cuddle-bear with demonic malice in her eyes, not stopping until the cotton innards are ripped out & then later found Mr Cuddles head placed on a stick in the garden & have begun to wonder, to have their doubts..
ReplyDeleteTeenagers and sociopathy...
ReplyDeleteWhere I struggle with these posts isn't so much in that they seem to be going over the same ground, but also with what socipathy is and is not. Here's where I come down on this subject (teenage sociopaths):
First off, I think the term is poorly defined - I know I've posted before that to my ears, it's similar to "porn" in that people know it when they see it. To a large degree, the term is used as a pejorative to indicate just how "evil" one person (or group) thinks another person (or group) is - people love to slap labels on things, even if the label is wrong. Some people want to wear it as a sort of emotional flack jacket - come off as a bad ass so people fear you.
So, for my purposes, I'll list what I think the key issues are. I am sure people will disagree -
I have come to believe that the core issues are: poor/weak bonding, impulsivity, aggression/anger, and weak affective empathy. Some people on the spectrum (and I do see it as a spectrum) are cold and emotionally void and others are constantly raging and seething. Other factors like gender, local culture, economics, family dynamics, intelligence, etc. are secondary and influence behavior regardless of how the brain is initially wired. They get more to the tools, methods, values and such.
Finally, there is the persistence factor - it really does have to be a long standing (well into adulthood) pattern of behaviors. This is important because for the first twenty five years or so of your life, your body and brain are changing pretty rapidly. Hormones are rising and falling (this seems more dramatic for women) and life is changing (drive towards independence) which can drive some odd behaviors as well. Teenagers aren't known for being the most consistent, balanced group out there...for good reason.
So, do I think you're a sociopath? I think from what you write, you should spend some quality time with a good therapist to figure that out and make sure that there aren't any other issues (tumors, cysts, toxins, etc.) that can explain what you are experiencing. The CP is a bit out of left field and there may be issues around that you might need to account for as well - I don't have enough information to form an opinion.
You are young and sound concerned about what you see in the mirror. Only time will tell if you are a sociopath or not. But, more importantly, you understand that you have choices - grab onto that and build on making choices that you are happy with and make you proud of yourself - especially if you can be that person openly.
People will forgive all manner of shallow persona as long as they as the interactions are satisfying. It's the destructive impulses that will get you in trouble - learn to focus those (or better yet, make them irrelevant).
Good luck!
Sounds interesting... Maybe better sit and wait to get an insight: ''Oh, I'm a sociopath''. (the author)
DeleteFar from it - get to work! The answer to that question is really not all that important is what I am suggesting. What is important is that you figure out which of those features apply to you and take some action to focus them in a way that will make you happy.
DeleteAnd, from where I sit, you should be spending time asking those questions ("am I really bonded to anyone?" "Are my impulses really a problem or just noise from inside my head?" etc."). I think I read a post that indicated that you were working on that - good. If you find a problem, you will know what you have to work on and why.
More importantly however, you've demonstrated the ability to choose (rather than react) and that is something useful in life regardless of your ability to bond or empathize. Being able to see through emotions to see what is going on is something that people spend years cultivating. If you are able to do it naturally, that is a gift - build on it. Make choices and learn from them - figure out what works for you and what doesn't.
Quit worrying about labels - figure out what makes life work and build on that.
"I have come to believe that the core issues are: poor/weak bonding, impulsivity, aggression/anger, and weak affective empathy. Some people on the spectrum (and I do see it as a spectrum) are cold and emotionally void and others are constantly raging and seething."
DeleteAnd sometimes, the pendulum swings both ways.
I could not agree more with this assessment.
So true - I run hot and cold depending on a variety of inputs. Thanks for fleshing that out -
DeleteThe author again: Let me clarify something. What do you mean by spectrum disorder?
DeleteIt's a term borrowed from the autistic/aspergers community. Not everyone in that group has the same features and degree of impairment. Some have it worse than others - the distribution is sometimes referred to as a spectrum. There are other elements to it, but that's the gist.
DeleteTake aggression for example - there are lots of aggressive people out there but some are more aggressive than others. And the aggression manifests in different ways - physical, emotional, financial, etc. And, the level of impact they have varies.
That's what I mean by spectrum - variations.
For what it's worth, I have seen some literature that correlates post-adolescent Aspergers sufferers with bouts of violence. Obviously I am not saying this applies to all Autism Spectrum personalities: in fact I knew a drummer who was high-functioning (and very late diagnosis) Aspergers who never exhibited any physical violence. Hell of a drummer too.
ReplyDeleteThe consensus here seems to be that the professional diagnosis is the way to go and, as you've already indicated you are currently seeing a professional, I'd stick with it. Last growth spurt for a male tends to be around 25 (under 'normal' circumstances), so expect the hormones to fluctuate until then. Good luck :)
Saw an interesting teenage aspie on telly: when asked about how she felt there was just one long silence and the answer was that she didnt really know, she was sort of analyzing the inner situation, all delivered with dead-pan face & monotone voice. Seemingly retarded on the outside but clearly rather powerful mentally. Maybe there also was a terse hidden message to the interviewer: "-Go probe someone else."
ReplyDeleteDo socios in countries where capital punishment is carried out feel a "tingling sensation" certain days, look for details online, watch news for latest developments & maybe order special food because they experience almost a holiday christmas-mood..?
ReplyDeleteYou do give off a Cluster B vibe to me. I know the naysayers above are telling you that you can't be a sociopath, that you are just a weird kid or that you have Asperger's, but I don't think that's the case. I think you are somewhere on the Cluster B personality disorder spectrum, which includes Narcissism, Borderline, Psychopathy/Sociopathy, and Histrionic. You should read about each of these and see if you think you fit somewhere. With high functioning persons with these disorders, it is often very difficult to diagnose, as most of the diagnoses are based on low functioning people with these disorders, because they are the ones who seek help or get caught.
ReplyDeleteAspie. That was easy.
ReplyDeleteYou are all very wrong. I am myself, different from others. Needn't be labelled and life is simply a game which I intend to win like a hardcore search and destroy. A diagnosis is a sheet of paper, don't let it define you.
ReplyDeleteOMG!!,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex husband back. My name is Natasha Johnson,i live in Florida,USA,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr Brave for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. { bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, Thanks..
ReplyDeleteDaima güncel tek film izleyebileceğiniz en iyi adrestesiniz.En iyi yerli filmlerin hd kalitede bulabileceğiniz ve türkçe dublaj film izleyerek keyifli zaman geçirebileceğiniz bir film sitesi üzerinde çalıştığımızı ve sizler için en iyi aksiyon filmleri izleyebileceğiniz güzel bir site yapmaya çalıştığımızı belirtmek isterim. Kaliteli animasyon filmleri izleyebileceğiniz ve en önemlisi tek part film izleyebileceğiniz bir sistem kurmanın gururunu yaşadığımızın bilincindeyiz. Keyifli zamanlar geçirmeniz dileğiyle.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteMy name is SERENA WILLIAMS, am from UK. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.EWAN brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i did them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully did what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that's why i want to say a big thank you to DR.EWAN spiritual temple. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man. you can email him at:covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com, you can still call him on his mobile number +2347052958531 SERENAWILLIAMSuk@gmail.com
Greetings My Dear Friends,
ReplyDelete90% of Doctors, Prophets, Spell caster and Professors advertising on the internet are FRAUDS, do not send them money, because i have been scammed alot, block them, they have no powers, all they can do is harass you for money, do not give in. If you have any problem contact chief nwaluta, he is the only true spell caster. My name is Nicole Cottrell from South Africa, My heart was crushed in early February this year 2015 and my marriage and Love life was completely muddled and broken down. I was so heart broken and i needed to put an end to the imbroglio that has affected my marriage for the past nine months because i and my kids needed my husband to be back home this Christmas. I knew fully well that I must learn to love myself before anything else and i knew he was meant for me with no doubt, because when we first met till after 14 years of our marriage, he was there for me. After our divorce, without a shadow of a doubt I do feel completely off balance and i was living each day with no direction and very little actual presence of myself, I felt like I was on auto pilot and I was wasting day after day all in pains.. And as of February 3rd, he started bringing in all the lies, the other women, etc. I knew I married for bigger reasons so I hope its just the fog of our issues that brought in the uncertainty. I always liked to keep an open mind, because ultimately, I just wanted everything to be ok with the 3 of us (my son my husband and myself) And Its has not been easy after all the times he's left. I just didn't want to keep falling deeper into the wrong direction. My divorce totally went into default in FEBRUARY. I was totally frustrated and i needed help from an online spell caster which Chief Nwaluta rendered to me completely. Finally I am writing this testimony to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you Chief Nwaluta for keeping to your words and your promises in bringing him back to me in just 24 hours of your powerful spell casting, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back today the 2nd of November 2015. Its an Amazing experience i had with Chief Nwaluta . His Email: Nwalutaspelltemple@gmail.com .. His Website:http://lovespellmallam.yolasite.com/. you can also call him on his Telephone: +234 80723 70762. If you have any problem contact him i give you 100% guarantee that he will help you, he is the only true spell caster.