The previous post reminded me of this video, showing Harry Potter's Severus Snape's scenes in chronological order (spoilers!):
The best part are the comments, particularly those on this site. If you've ever thought that moralizing was a simple matter of doing right things at right times, you may be surprised to hear that is not enough in the black and white moral worlds of many others in which there are only good people and bad people and good people must have done bad things for a good reason and bad people were probably doing good things for selfish reasons (like romantic love?) or didn't really mean them (even though they sacrificed their life for it?) or shouldn't ever be trusted anyway because once a bad guy, always a bad guy.
The best part are the comments, particularly those on this site. If you've ever thought that moralizing was a simple matter of doing right things at right times, you may be surprised to hear that is not enough in the black and white moral worlds of many others in which there are only good people and bad people and good people must have done bad things for a good reason and bad people were probably doing good things for selfish reasons (like romantic love?) or didn't really mean them (even though they sacrificed their life for it?) or shouldn't ever be trusted anyway because once a bad guy, always a bad guy.
I'm from Seattle Washington originally. I have a story to tell that might be of
ReplyDeleteinterest.
It began when I was riding my bycicle home from my brother's wedding reception.
The year was 1978. As I was riding through the streets, I caught sight of a
magnificently looking creature sitting on the stoop of her front pourch. She
seemed very dispondant. Her face was buried in her hands and she was crying.
I did something completely out of character for me. I hopped off my bike and
walked up to her. "What's wrong dear?" "Nobody likes me." "I do dear." She
looked up at me questioningly.
Her name was Casey Cassikelli and she was quite the looker. She could qualify
as a volumpiary. She had supple arms and dirty blond streaks in her hair.
She was also clearly manic, and far out of my league. If she was normal, she
wouldn't even look my way.
Her father's name was Salvador. He was a brick mason from Genoa Italy. Her
mother's name was Gwendelin. She was a "reformed" street walker from London's east end.
Our "friendship" rapidly developed because I widthstood her manic
ReplyDeletemood swings and I'd never come this close to a girl before.
Sex didn't enter into the picture. But a guy could hope.
We genuinely believed we could be married. We rehearsed our wedding steps to
the strains of the Italian opera "Bolearo.' Casey's mom spoke with a barely
discernable "cockney" accent. She would teasingly ask: "Aere you gonna
mariee Kaysee?" Her father was a happy-go-lucky-air head, who spoke with the
typical "greaseball" accent. Trash. Both of them.
The great finallie of the "relationship" began when the Cassikeli parents planned
a weekend trip to Las Vegas. I didn't broach the subject of "sex" but I had my
"hopes," which were zilch.
After the parents had flown off I went over to Casey's house.
"uhm, you know Casey life really IS a waste. There's no hope. Who
ReplyDeletewants to live in this world?" She quickly concured.
So we tied two nooses over the attic rafters. It was a suicide pact. We
each stood on chairs and looped the 5 strand rope around our necks. I said,
"On the count of three. One, two, three!" We kicked the chairs away from us.
Something went wrong. My noose came apart and I drooped to the floor. Casey's noose "worked." She was flipping and struggling and fighting for life.
Frantic, I ran down to the kitchen to get a knife to cut her down. But the kitchen
draws had locks on them! Casey had tried to take her own life in the past and her psycharist advised her parents to install the locks. I grabbed a hacksaw and
tried to "saw" the rope. Did you ever try that? It proved fuitle.
When I finally found a pair of hedge clippers capable of the job, it was too late
Casey was gone.
I knew I had to "improvise" in a hurry. My plan was to tell the cops that I'd just
walked in on the "manic" Casey. Her "reputation" WAS known in the
neighbourhood, as the police had been called to the house on a few ocassions.
I cleaned up a bit, put the chair away, and headed for the station.
"Oh God!," I screamed. My girlfriend's killed herself! I just found her..."
But the police didn't buy it so easily. "If you were'nt there, then what's that
ReplyDeleterope burn around your throat?" They sat me down, and grilled me for 15hrs
trying to allicet a "confession." I held firm and they really had nothing on me.
But they had one unpleasent surprise in store for me. They made me break the
bad news to Casey's parents. They thought that would break my composure.
I WAS 20 at the time, so I couldn't refuse.
Casey's parents arrived home from their trip full of cheer. The smiles soon faded
when they saw the police cars. I meekly approached Casey's mom.
"Gwendelin, I have the most dreadful news, Casey's dead." I never heard a more
shrill scream. "K-K-K-C-C-C!" The tramp must have loved her daughter. The
father broke down too. Looks like this floasome was on the same level.
My story held together and didn't make the papers, but some folks WERE
suscpicious. And I would run into Gwendelin and Salvador on ocassion.
They didn't have looks of hate, just sorrow. Good. Garbage like that has it
coming.
I thought it best that I leave the area, so I moved clear across the country where
I was unknown. Girls are still no easier to "get."
"...so I moved clear across the country where
DeleteI was unknown."
But, unknown to him, there was "Karma:"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfUnm9uUbvY
Signed, on this Easter Sunday, April 5, 2015 (Anno Domini [A.D].): from The Resurrected ONE
P.S.
"I WAS 20 at the time..."
Meanwhile in 666 B.C. [Before Christ]:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8KC8ESn-7w
It's rather embarrassing to admit that I've never read HP; people were so gaga over it I naturally had to ignore it. Like 50 SoG, religion and mob mentality in general, once a work of art turns into a public phenomenon of adoration and flame wars, my knees jerk in the other direction. I run for the solitary mountaintop.
ReplyDeleteHowever, SS on screen was by far my favorite character. In the comments mentioned in the post, one person gave a brilliant analysis of SS and his redemption in death. Like a real person, SS was torn between good and evil throughout his life. He made both good and bad choices, brooded on the consequences and ultimately chose self-sacrifice. He doesn't strike me as evil so much as a robust complex human being.
Often the redemption of an 'evil' person is measured by others in black and white, tit for tat, an eye for eye. Seen in this way, redemption is really retribution turned inside out. Most neurotypicals must see the villain _suffer_ in order for their universe to be made whole . . . and the suffering must be 'karmically correct.' The punishment must fit the crime, to balance the damage that's been done.
This black and white model of redemption is in dire need of an overhaul.
There are all kinds of ways in which people suffer and most of the time it's deeply hidden, invisible to the naked eye. We keep it hidden because weakness makes us feel ashamed, thus vulnerable. The fact that SS kept so much of his suffering and goodness buried suggests to me that in some ways he's more of a heroic figure than Harry.
I've never seen or read the HP stories - so I don't have any real opinions about the characters either way and I REALLY don't know enough about the story to know if the "super cut" is faithful. So, with all those caveats...
ReplyDeleteIf the "super cut" is to be believed, then I rather like and relate to Snape - in an abstract way. Doing things in life, the reasons for which people can't or won't really understand - simply because you choose to make a deal with yourself - I get that. Or, at least that's what I got out of the clip and comments.
I thought the comments were very interesting - people really do seem to form opinions and then set about to defend them against new information (I think M.E. might have some personal experience in this area...). Suggesting that they consider new information is often greeted with hostility. People really do take some stuff way to seriously. My default response is to laugh.
I wonder if it's their own inner narc ("I can't possibly be wrong!!!") or if it's a mirror for their own, "unacceptable" darkness (too hard? painful? etc.)? Maybe it's just an element of my weak bonding, but I don't relate to how people get so worked up about this stuff...
Morning Harry,
ReplyDeleteI think people get so worked up about this stuff because they bond with the fictional characters in ways that specious to them; when others attack their interpretation of a character it therefore feels like an attack by proxy.
It does seem awfully silly. Because psychologically speaking, there's a bit of the devil (selfish narc) in all of us. Any honest helper will tell you that helping others is accompanied by 'secondary gains,' i.e., the thrill that comes from feeling good about yourself. For being wise, kind and willing to sacrifice for the benefit of others. One reason I find HP so boring is that he's so relentlessly noble. He has no awareness of his own hidden agenda and lust for power.
The author of HP, or should I say the screenwriter?, goes on and on about how Harry is special, how he's destined to become a great wizard. Not only does HP grovel in his humility: he often appears downright dense in regards to his own 'destiny,' a destiny that everyone else, certainly the author, state is assured.
Harry's greatness comes to him by proxy through his connection to the villain Voldemort. He is a badass because he is hooked up to the biggest badass of them all. The big prophecy of the book, "Voldemort, you will affix a parasite unto yourself that will one day kill you" is the driving plot of the whole series. Harry is kind of a cipher. So many other great wizards in this series, but not Harry. Never Harry. He always needs some help. It's a good thing he married a Weasley, as he could not survive on his own. Kind of like his useless, and mostly inept friend, Ron, who has to marry the most genius witch of their age, Hermione, just to keep from being incinerated on a daily basis.
DeleteMy guess is that the people in Slytherin are the people who know how everything works, like the government, the money exchanges, real estate, law, etc. Why else would someone seeking power cozy up with them. Slytherins are smart and capable. Rowling tried to make them look bad as a way of making her favorite characters look better. My guess, if you want to get something done, get a Slytherin. If you want a PR guy, get a Gryffindor.
Can't argue with that -- the more cunningly evil the villain, the more brave and resourceful the hero appears.
Delete"The big prophecy of the book, "Voldemort, you will affix a parasite unto yourself that will one day kill you" is the driving plot of the whole series."
DeleteAu contraire, Dark Matter. You certainly did not grasp the driving plot of the whole series. It is Lily Potter's love that ultimately prevails, since that connection between Harry and Voldemort is not one-sided as you erroneously believe (check your facts with the actual material in the series). As it were, her love is definitely not a "parasite."
"My guess, if you want to get something done, get a Slytherin. If you want a PR guy, get a Gryffindor."
That is not what the "sorting hat" proclaims. Again, check the facts. A guess is never good enough.
"...the most genius witch of their age, Hermione,.."
Hermione is, indeed, a Gryffindor. Consequently, you are contradicting yourself in terms of houses and the capacity and talents of their occupants.
"Swish and flick."
- Hermione
Anon 09:25: "Love" is a theme, not a plot vehicle. The sorting hat wanted to put Harry into Slytherin, and he chose not to go. Maybe you should go back and reread the books. Yes, you're right. Lily's love saved her son. Even Lily was a greater wizard than Harry.
DeleteDark Matter,
DeleteLove in all of its diverse manifestations is the plot vehicle established by author from the onset of the series. If you've ever heard J.K. Rowling speak in greater detail about her work, you would comprehend that she never meant it to be viewed as a mere theme. Akin to a vehicle, love moves, intensifies and fuels the core of the series.
The sorting hat did not want to make Harry a part of Slytherin. Instead, the hat "tested" Harry, but, considering the author's outlook/perspective, the reader is led to believe that it never really intended for Harry to join Slytherin. Greater attention or looking deeper into the actual details of the selection would reveal the marked difference that I have just described to you.
Off topic but I'd like to mention an interesting book: The Book of Woe, by psychologist Gary Greenburg, in which the tortured compilation of the controversial DSM-V is examined. A most enlightening, humorous read regarding the shaky edifice on which psychiatry and diagnosis is built. For those who are concerned with labeling themselves, this book should provide some relief -- except for Aspies, who apparently freaked when they heard their beloved diagnosis was to be deleted.
ReplyDeleteThat may have to move to the front of the line for reading!!! Thanks for pointing me at it. It may be salient to my "assholes" project (I'll be starting a consulting gig that will have me away from home several nights a week for a while - I'm hoping to make some hay).
DeleteBy the by, I'll get you for this! ;p Turning an essay into a story is an interesting and challenging project. I can't yet say if it'll bear "fruit," but it is fun. Right now I'm struggling for the right plot - outlining characters and jotting down "scene" ideas to keep the process from becoming moribund.
back to Snape - I through a bit more about this and since I didn't come to the "super cut" with any preconceived notions (except that I like Rickman as an actor). From that perspective, assuming the "super cut" is faithful than one might see it as a summary of his life - the good and the bad (I don't know what all that "death eater" stuff is referencing since it seems to have not "made the cut"). Like you said, a robust and complex character - like a "real person?" That might be too much for some people to handle. XP
Doing "good things" for selfish reasons I get in a big way. Hell, the buzz I get from working and playing with kids when I volunteer at Jr's school is all the motivation I need. Being thanked by a little chorus of voices and such - gravy. It's the playing with the kids that I dig - maybe filling in for something from my childhood? It is very...pleasant and peaceful (and I'm saying this about five year olds, so...that's saying something).
You can get me by allowing me to read it when it's ready for a first read and then lashing out when I point out flaws . . . ;)
DeleteSeriously, though, I'm pleased to hear you're doing it and having fun. Though if I were you, I wouldn't worry too much about the plot. The best plots spring from the development of characters; they are organic in that the actions taken appear to flow naturally from the gifts and conflicts inherent in the characters. What turns their crank? What do they want? Outlining characters often leads to flashes of incidents or scenes -- keep those in a notebook and you will likely find that later on one or two or three will produce a gusher of a plot. Like weaving a tapestry of many colors, all of a sudden the unconscious snaps certain scenes into a larger mosaic. If your mind is visual, follow the images. Many writers have written whole novels that were born from a single haunting image that, like Russian dolls, open to reveal another image hidden inside.
I'm excited for you, Harry. Keep going and don't get hung up if you don't know where the plot is going -- your characters, what they want and must fight for, will forge the plot. All you got to do is listen . . . don't let your 'idea' get in the way of the characters showing you what their story is about. It's scary to write that way but ultimately the only way to create a work that breathes. The best stuff I've managed to squeak out always surprised me in some way; I may have known the ending but I sure never saw how the characters got there. Writing the story was an act of discovery. It was also like jumping off a cliff and having faith that I could fly.
I know you can do it, too, Harry. And I from now on I'll be hounding you for updates on word count. ;)
LOL!!! It sounds like I might be going about it in a fairly typical manner - I'm trying to decide who my protagonist is and what he needs to say. Then, using the various anecdotes I jot down, I think I can string together a narrative. At least that's the approach for now. :)
DeleteI'm actually fairly receptive to good criticism - something about being goal oriented; in this case the goal is a good story.
I want to address a comment made in the previous post which touches on shame and mob mentality. I'd be curious to hear the thoughts of others regarding on the subject- particularly those who identify with sociopathy.
ReplyDelete"Shame is a huge part of my life. Not good, not bad. I don't think I can feel it though or if I think I even want to. All I know is I like speaking my mind even if I 'should' be ashamed of what I think, and I am what people might call 'overconfident'. It just doesn't work on me. I get off on the fact that the shame doesn't work on me when everyone thinks it should, and so I'm the one who feels good and everyone else could have too, but they chose to be left out by staying safe with the mob."
I find it interesting that you say that something you can't even feel occupies such a huge part of your life.
I think you're convinced that you're likely a sociopath, and sociopaths aren't "supposed" to feel shame"- so you aren't sure if what you have felt qualifies. Yet your words betray your inner experience. You have a nominal understanding of this emotion, because you have experienced a fleeting version of it, in a way that is much different from the general population. It wouldn't surprise me if you were the same anon who said the other day that you take pride in the things that other people think you should be ashamed of. I relate. It is this twisted "pride" in thumbing social norms that makes me light a joint as I pass the Police Station in my car. It is also what allows me to wear many "masks" without an underlying sense of cognitive dissonance, considering my impeccable reputation within the community. :)
I have come to understand that the twisted relationship sociopaths have with shame is a core aspect of this condition. By touching upon this in your post, I think you are exhibiting one of few tell-tale signs.
I will elaborate.
Imagine the most humiliating scenario possible. If you are a sociopath, how might you react?
1) You accept it. This may be accompanied by a flush of "shame" as you are forced to adapt to the fact that one of your masks has been stripped. (I contend that "masks" are better described as legitimate facets of the chameleon-like, adaptable sociopathic personality.) The resulting sensation is more akin to exposure than shame or humiliation. Typically, this discomfort lasts for a very short period of time; this is what psychologists mean when they say that sociopaths exhibit "proto-emotions". It doesn't linger. It isn't an emotional burden you must carry. Happily, you are free from those.
The sociopathic defense mechanism rapidly subdues and converts this emotion into an acceptable alternative, such as pride or apathy. Because the sociopath cannot bring himself to genuinely care what your perception of him is, the loss of a reputation or even a career will be met with a stoic shrug of the shoulders, followed by a blase, "what next?" kind of attitude.
2) You embrace it. You even revel in it. Your mild discomfort has rapidly transformed into self-satisfied, smug pleasure over the shock and consternation you have caused your peers. You own whatever aspect of your personality was exposed, and you begin to leverage it to your advantage, whether to bolster your self-image, or to manipulate the people in your environment.
Shame, so powerful a motivator in the lives of most people, does not exist as a mature, well-developed emotion within the psyche of the sociopath. It does not possess enough sway in our lives to dissuade us from the things that cause others to maintain certain boundaries and filters, which are so effective in regulating the behavior of most people.
The same might be said for guilt.
This is truly a double-edged sword. It confers to us boldness and courage, but it also promotes a callous disregard for social norms, expectations, and the feelings of others.
@A: "I contend that "masks" are better described as legitimate facets of the chameleon-like, adaptable sociopathic personality."
DeleteI posted on this early on when I came to this forum (last fall?). My description is that a personality is best described as facets of an integrated whole - a solid if you will. Some people present very few faces to the world - you might call them tetrahedrons or cubes. A more complex personality might have dozens of facets. But they are all aspects of a whole that difficult, if not impossible to experience all at once. The "core" of the person resides inside this solid. As we grow and adapt, we update and modify our facets and add new ones or "retire" obsolete facets.
I think it was Dr. SciFi that referred to it as a "Koch Snowflake" which I thought was an interesting way of looking at it.
As to shame, I would tend to the first alternative as far as anything "important" goes. I do get a flash of...heat? something that leads to some internal dialog along the lines of, "don't do THAT again dipshit." I might even ruminate for bit trying to understand where I went wrong. But I'm not sure I would say it's really shame -
However, there are times when can "revel in it" - particularly if I'm triggered (knives out and grinning). In this case, it's a sort of tactic to unsettle my target - something akin to Ali's rope-a-dope. Get them wound up and thrashing by whatever means and then let their own processes undo them.
One of the easiest ways to provoke someone with this, to illustrate what I'm talking about, is homophobia. I was working with a guy that liked to play games - his main tools were chaos creation and word twisting (he wasn't too bad at it either). I needed a pattern break with him at one point and he had a habit of giving a cheesy smile and winking as a way to try to provoke people - to say, "beat that jerko!" I leaned in, looked him square in the eyes, smiled my best bedroom smile, and almost whispered, "are you flirting with me?" That was fun - and he was pretty compliant for a while after that. In that way I am quite shameless.
Is this what you're looking for A?
"My description is that a personality is best described as facets of an integrated whole - a solid if you will. Some people present very few faces to the world - you might call them tetrahedrons or cubes. A more complex personality might have dozens of facets. But they are all aspects of a whole that difficult, if not impossible to experience all at once. The "core" of the person resides inside this solid. As we grow and adapt, we update and modify our facets and add new ones or "retire" obsolete facets."
DeleteYour analogy concerning personality being akin to the facets of a tetrahedron that we update throughout life is an excellent one. I don't know if I have a "core" personality, other than the fact that I am a person who consistently speaks her mind. Because I tend to reflect my environment, the way in which I do this varies. There are many aspects to my personality- some of them contradictory. And yet, I am never plagued by cognitive dissonance.
"As to shame, I would tend to the first alternative as far as anything "important" goes. I do get a flash of...heat? something that leads to some internal dialog along the lines of, "don't do THAT again dipshit." I might even ruminate for bit trying to understand where I went wrong. But I'm not sure I would say it's really shame - "
It isn't really shame, because that "flash of heat" is momentary. It doesn't have the power to authentically transform your behavior. I can think of handful of things for which I definitely "ought" to be ashamed in seconds. I have thoroughly accepted these things about myself, and exploited them when it suits me, for various reasons.
On that note, I wasn't presenting "alternatives", so much as I was trying to describe a psychological process, which you do a great job of giving an example for in the following statement:
"However, there are times when can "revel in it" - particularly if I'm triggered (knives out and grinning). In this case, it's a sort of tactic to unsettle my target - something akin to Ali's rope-a-dope. Get them wound up and thrashing by whatever means and then let their own processes undo them.
One of the easiest ways to provoke someone with this, to illustrate what I'm talking about, is homophobia. I was working with a guy that liked to play games - his main tools were chaos creation and word twisting (he wasn't too bad at it either). I needed a pattern break with him at one point and he had a habit of giving a cheesy smile and winking as a way to try to provoke people - to say, "beat that jerko!" I leaned in, looked him square in the eyes, smiled my best bedroom smile, and almost whispered, "are you flirting with me?" That was fun - and he was pretty compliant for a while after that. In that way I am quite shameless.
Is this what you're looking for A?
Mmm. :)
Was any part of you nominally attracted to this guy, Harry? Didn't his compliance trigger your lust?
Yes, that is exactly what I was looking for. I love those games. This is what I meant by "leveraging the situation to your advantage". Thank you for illustrating in a practical, specific way a process I was attempting to generalize.
I am happy to oblige! 8)~
DeleteThat guy was "just work." I was hired to get a bunch of game playing train wreaks on track. A guy I knew needed help and I needed a gig. He knew that I was suited for the job - but I think it unsettled him to see it - the glee and viciousness and my lack of compunction. He is a nice guy that hired a mercenary - I don't think he was ready for it.
I caught him talking to his wife in German a couple of times - he referred to me as "Faust." He always forgot that I speak (albeit crappy) German. Last time we went out drinking I told him I was more Harry Haller (not the full story though). He denied it, of course, all the while fiddling with his hair (his main tell).
Having said that, that person (the one I was "flirting" with) is someone that I may run into again down the road - work or play. I kind of like him, but I expect any reunion will be something like two dogs circling.
As for "attraction" nah - I like "glam" and he was decidedly not that. But for effect, it wasn't him I was "seeing" when I delivered the line. I was picturing some "hottie in heels."
DeleteI find that people enjoy telling me their deepest and darkest, and one particularly aggressive sympathy whore was eating into me one day with special gusto when my mask slipped. I was tired and tired of her, and when she said she was dealing with everything, I told her I wouldn't feel sorry for her. I meant it in a light hearted, glad you are maintaining your world sort of way, but it came out flat. She looked at me strangely, and walked away. Two days later, I got a thirty-minute, public and epic tongue lashing from her on what an insensitive, brutal, life destroying, soul sucking beast I am, and that I should never speak to her ever again. It was sort of fascinating to watch her melt down. It started to get boring, so I apologized, agreed never to speak to her again, and left.
DeleteAfterwards, mostly I felt rage. She broadcast it that I had pumped her for information and then had been insensitive. My insensitivity is what allows me to listen to people, sometimes endlessly. And people love to talk.
Lesson learned: keep that mask on and keep it on tight.
And this is where mask vs. facets becomes interesting. Sounds like you're annoyed that you were exposed. That's the problem with "masks" in my mind - they are by design false expressions of ones self and therefore harder to maintain.
DeleteSince I see my facets as legitimate expressions of myself for a given circumstance, I don't feel that there is anything inauthentic about it. I'm just using the tools at hand to get through life. My "mask" doesn't slip, so much as some people "get to" see some sides of me that they might not understand - and I'm careful, but imperfect.
Here's a way to think about it: do you show the same "face" to a lover that you show to the annoying check out clerk who just double charged you for that rib eye you are going grill for dinner? Not me - very different people. I submit it is a rare individual that does - and they would be seen as a freak.
I agree.
DeleteThis might come as a shock, but I have intimacy issues. ;)
Very few people actually know me. I have been more transparent here than anywhere else, because of the detachment factor.
As a result- and largely by choice- I am "popular", but I don't really have any friends. Not people with whom I can be truly open. I am always fine. I am the strong one who always listens to everyone else's shit. "Close" acquaintances know I speak my mind bluntly, and respect me for it. They also know to not expect the highest degree of sensitivity from me.
My husband is an exception. He knows the "real" me, but he is a hard-ass who calls me on everything. He has a love-hate relationship with the parts of me that he would rather didn't exist- and yet, these are the parts that attracted him in the first place.
I know he calls me to a higher standard because he genuinely cares. But sometimes, I wish I had just one person with whom I could simply "be"- who doesn't want to tame me. If that makes any sense.
And now I've said too much personal stuff. :P
A,
DeleteI completely understand your point, and can relate to the fact that very few people actually know me. I do not show the real me to most people, and that is because I can be quite “different” (I use the word different in a “universal” form, because defining myself would take a high number of words/pages). I find that being yourself, acting with confidence, and being accepted for who you truly are, including all of those parts that are different from the norm, is indispensable. People, including a partner, will always try to change the real you, but I have never found such occurrences acceptable. In fact, I highly dislike the idea, and due to my unusual tendencies, I have always been truthful to my own person. Reading further, I can relate to your thoughts, given that I have been called “different” so many times throughout my life. I suppose that, as individuals, we adapt to certain ideas or behaviors, but then, at one point or another, our real selves come rushing to the surface. Fighting nature should never become an undertaking.
I can be “popular” if I want to attain popularity (I have done so in my life), but I can also be the opposite of that when I am in that particular mood, or creating a project that needs my focus/concentration. There is no set pattern to my behavior (I would not desire a pattern), and I have been told that I can be rather unpredictable (I like surprising others or being surprised, which is part of my nature). There are certain facets to my behavior, and, likewise, I can also speak my mind quite bluntly in certain situations (no filter by choice). I find that speaking the truth drives me forward, even if it makes me sound insensitive. Also, I understand your thoughts on the love-hate relationship, because I have experienced it, especially when I have felt as though another person has attempted to tame me. My immediate/automatic reaction is to detach myself when I feel as though a person is taking active steps toward taming me. I used to appear indignant in such situations, but now, it manifests as detachment (including emotional detachment). I like and know myself well, and I simply would not want anyone to tame any part of me. Al in all, having someone with whom you can simply “be” is quite rare.
Yeah...
DeleteWell, Uptight, I rather like myself too. And I like having my dirty little secrets.... Don't you?
I resist attempts to change me, and when these failed attempts are met with dismay, it can be taxing. But good relationships always involve a degree of mutual concession and sacrifice. I have to guard against emotional detachment, by conscious choice. That is something that comes too easily to me.
"I use the word different in a “universal” form, because defining myself would take a high number of words/pages".
Mhmm. What a narc you are. Quite a specimen. :-)
"But sometimes, I wish I had just one person with whom I could simply "be"- who doesn't want to tame me."
DeleteMakes sense to me - I have some people that I am closer to and that have known me for a long time - decades - they are still surprised at things they learn about me, but they have a pretty good picture of who and what I am. But even they can only handle me in doses - I've been careful to insulate that part of my life from some of my more rough and tumble parts.
I relate to being "the strong one." I get to deal with a lot of other people's stuff because I can (and I choose to). But people have a hard time if/when I need "help."
I had angioplasty a few years ago and there were complications - people had a hard time with it and I had to ask Ma to stop "updating" people because I don't have the energy for their fears and concern. It was exhausting reassuring them that I would be fine - never mind expressing any of my very real concern that I might not make it. I did that with one person - that didn't go so well.
No, when people expect you to be strong, that's your "job." They can't handle it when the strong one isn't strong - which makes some sense if you think about it...someone has to be in charge...
@HL
DeleteYeah. I also assume this role willingly, in my professional and personal spheres.
"It was exhausting reassuring them that I would be fine..."
I am always fine. :)
And that is why I want to die alone. :P
I don't like being or feeling vulnerable.
"I did that with one person - that didn't go so well."
With whom, and why not?
> And that is why I want to die alone. :P
DeleteSeriously?
@A:
DeleteBut do we really assume the role of "strong one"? Nature abhors a vacuum and I sometimes feel like I'm filling that void because no one else will or can. There's an element of choice, to be sure, but it sometimes feels like the choice between chaos and order.
My father used to tell me that we come into this world alone and we leave the same way. I had the...opportunity...to care for my father in his final days.
When the time came, he asked me to leave. He didn't want me there. I held my mothers hand as she passed and my step fathers too. But my father...he didn't want that connection. I honestly have no idea what I want for my son to do...
I had a "friend" - one of those people that made me feel "normal." It was one of those friendships that "other people" seem to have - everything seemed oddly "normal." One of the few times in my life when I thought maybe I might "fit in" somewhere.
It seems that confiding in her that I had concerns about my mortality (an over simplification) was not good. Her reaction was fear, withdrawal, and rejection. We haven't spoken in some time.
I think so. :(
Delete@HL
But do we really assume the role of "strong one"? Nature abhors a vacuum and I sometimes feel like I'm filling that void because no one else will or can."
When I was a very little girl, I refused to play with children who wouldn't explicitly agree to my "being the boss". It is just something that comes very naturally to me.
"But my father...he didn't want that connection."
What kind of man was your father?
"It seems that confiding in her that I had concerns about my mortality (an over simplification) was not good. Her reaction was fear, withdrawal, and rejection. We haven't spoken in some time."
So you finally allow yourself to show vulnerability, and the person you open up to rejects you. Niice.~
You chose poorly. The "normalcy" of it all should have been a clue. ;)
Is that because you'll be vulnerable?
Delete"You chose poorly." LOL!!! That's usually my line! Like I said it's an oversimplification of the circumstances. That sense of "normalcy" was seductive...
DeleteThere is a little girl in my son's class (she has a rough story) and the teacher and I chuckle endlessly with all her efforts to be "the boss." I hope there's enough guidance for her to be "productive' - she'll be a force of nature.
Dad could be difficult - he was raised by Jesuits (during WWII) and corporal punishment and rigid adherence to (his) authority were required.
However, he was happy explain the fine arts of killing animals (for food and sport) breaking rules and not getting caught and did his best to instill values of "fuck the system and don't bother with regrets."
A,
DeleteI do not like the name “Uptight.” I prefer to be called Teo (in Italian).
In my mind, a person who can keep a secret is rather wise. “The art of the parenthesis is one of the greatest secrets of eloquence in society.” N.C.
“I resist attempts to change me, and when these failed attempts are met with dismay, it can be taxing.”
What is your perspective on the taxing part of it? In other words, how does it manifest in your mind?
“I have to guard against emotional detachment, by conscious choice. That is something that comes too easily to me.”
I do not understand this point clearly. If you need to guard against emotional detachment, and if it comes easily as you have stated, why does it have to be done by conscious choice? In my opinion, if it does not come naturally (in your case, it occurs by conscious choice, which, by definition, is not a natural/automatic occurrence), how is it easy?
Yes, I have been told that I am quite “different.” I must admit that being called a “specimen” is a first.
“Swish and flick.”
- Teo
I guess. I don't know. :P
Delete"Dad could be difficult - he was raised by Jesuits (during WWII) and corporal punishment and rigid adherence to (his) authority were required."
Ha! Mine too- albeit post WW2.
My dad was raised by abusive foster families, and in an orphanage run by corrupt priests, because nobody at home wanted him. His father was a homicidal maniac who died in a violent altercation, so they were very poor.
When my dad had had enough of the beatings, he caused a huge ruckus in the orphanage mess hall, overturning all of the furniture very early one morning. Then he ran away, and hitched a ride "home". When he arrived, he found his biological mother running a brothel, and prostituting his sister, who eventually committed suicide. His childhood was a nightmare. He instilled in me a very robust mistrust of authority and institutions.
He is the only one in his family who came out of that situation a quasi "sane" man- but not without becoming a drug dealer, smuggler, paid thug, and the leader of a small motorcycle gang. He was an extremely violent man who was incarcerated for almost a decade prior to having me.
"That sense of "normalcy" was seductive..."
DeleteSo you chose to open up to this person because you thought you had a "normal" (and therefore safe) relationship? What, specifically, about this woman made you think that she wouldn't freak out by a show of vulnerability? I ask this because it strikes me as odd that you would misjudge the object of your confidence to such an extent.
You said you haven't talked to her. Why not?
Since you do'nt want to answer I'll respons to some email I got the other day.
Delete“…good people must have done bad things for a good reason and bad people were probably doing good things for selfish reasons (like romantic love?) or didn't really mean them..”
ReplyDeleteWell, it’s never about the cause/reasoning; it’s about the perception of it. If George Bush campaigns for a very democratic cause, most likely only a few democrats will support his/their own cause, just because they don’t like the person who is promoting it. In other words, doing the “good” things for the “bad” audience is proven to be a very “bad” idea.
"...so I moved clear across the country where I was unknown."
ReplyDeleteBut, unknown to him, there was "Karma:"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfUnm9uUbvY
Signed, on this Easter Sunday, April 5, 2015 (Anno Domini [A.D].): from The Resurrected ONE
P.S.
"I WAS 20 at the time..."
Meanwhile in 666 B.C. [Before Christ]:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8KC8ESn-7w
M.E.,
ReplyDelete"If you've ever thought that moralizing was a simple matter of doing right things at right times, you may be surprised to hear that is not enough in the black and white moral worlds of many others in which there are only good people and bad people and good people must have done bad things for a good reason..."
Having been acquainted with the "Harry Potter" series and their nuances, well-planned plot details and underlying themes/meanings, I agree with your analytical acumen (in toto). Good people do "bad things," so to speak, for a good reason. In doing so, they teach highly relevant lessons.
"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward." Vernon Law :)
are you trying to show that socios have snape's roll in this world?!
ReplyDeleteThere was no purpose to it. Humans developing self awareness, abstract thinking, and awareness of our own mortality. Just an accident of evolution. In the long run, probably not a survival advantage. Dinosaurs lasted a lot longer than humans have. Their extinction, and other extinctions were just purposeless accidents. Humans are the only creatures who commit suicide and as the SIXTH EXTINCTION (and similar analyses) indicate we are probably be the first species to purposefully do ourselvs in as a species.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see if intelligent life developed in other star systems and if any survived the self awareness barrier as described in the book DENIAL. And the danger of becoming intelligent. Good bye M.E. Good bye human race.
"Potter, asphodel and wormwood make a sleeping potion so powerful it is known as the Draught of Living Death. A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. As for monkshood and wolfsbane, they are the same plant, which also goes by the name of aconite."
ReplyDeleteI remember a lot of people became more sympathetic towards snape the moment they found out he had been protecting harry potter the whole time. I thought it was interesting because they stopped naming the reasons they hated him with that one piece of information. It reminds me of how people view those who died.Why do people pity the dead? it's like a taboo to speak against someone who has passed away, I honestly see no difference in making a comment about someone before or after their death.
http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1490039741
ReplyDeleteHow I Get My Husband Back With The Help Of Dr Brave
ReplyDeleteAn amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my husband back to me. My name is Natasha Johnson,i live in Florida,USA,and I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/},if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to "bringing your ex back. So thanks to the Dr Brave for bringing back my husband ,and brought great joy to my family once again. { bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, Thanks..
Sent from my MetroPCS 4G Wireless Phone
Snape is at the core of his charactarisation actually deeply moral - so moral in fact that he would sacrifice his own reputation and life for those he cares for.
ReplyDeleteThe entire point of the revelation of his loyalty to
Harry and his mother is to spark in the reader an intense feeling of empathy towards the profound suffering that Snape experienced during the course of his life - suffering at seeing his true love love another, suffering at her death, suffering at having to see the face of the boy who looked so much like his childhood tormentor and her lover, suffering at having to betray his own morality to protect her son, suffering at having to kill his own mentor to protect another young boy etc. etc. etc. Snape is an empathy addict's wet dream.
Those commentors who show profound hatred for him are, simply put, emotionally immature. Most well adjusted adults view him as a profoundly morally ambigious character, but fundamentally a moral man. The author, by including him in her book under the house of Slitherin tried her best to illustrate how formative experiences can induce what appears to be sociopathic behaviour in actually profoundly empathic individuals - in other words, she actually unconsciously supports the belief that true sociopathy is actually relatively rare.
Most common people haven't the faintest notion what sociopathy actually is. Malignant narcissists and borderline personalities are usually the actual diagnoses people are looking for when they name someone as a sociopath.
This would also be why they would misname Snape as a sociopath. Not only are they failing to recognise that empathy is precisely what drives him at his core (more than most people, in fact), they misread his though processes, confusing the complexity of his moral thinking and the pragmatism of his decision-making with a true lack of empathy.
How I Get My Husband Back With The Help Of Dr Brave
ReplyDeleteHello everyone, My name is Mary-Owen, a citizen of USA; am 42 years of age..we got married for more than 11 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Brave for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 1 week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Brave casted on him that make him come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Brave for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Brave ,if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: bravespellcaster@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.
Hi everyone, I do hope my post gets read and hopefully helps somebody along the line.i will never forget the help Dr Brave render to me in my marital life., My name is Mary Owen from London , UK, a 34 year women, you cannot believe what this spell caster Dr Brave just did for me!!! Was this all a magic?? "This is totally a Easter miracle for me lol" My mouth are short of words. “I got a divorce from my husband when I was six months pregnant with my second child. We had only been married for a short time and had another child who was 1 year old. We had been arguing and quarreling nonstop since the day our first child was conceived, no love nor trust from him anymore so he divorced. And all these whiles, I have been trying all different means to get him back, I also tried some different spell casters from other countries, but none of them could bring Richard back to me. It was only Dr Brave who guaranteed me an urgent 48 hours spell casting, and he assure me that my husband will be with me before Easter day. I am writing to offer my thanks and deep gratitude to you for keeping your promises, and for using your gifted and great powers to bring him back today 2nd of April 2015.. I was thrilled to know that you are specialized in reuniting Lovers. I never thought, in my whole life, that I would be writing to thank someone for casting a love spell on my marriage, but that day has arrived! I have never been happier in my life, and I feel like all of my dreams has turned into reality now. Thank you, Dr Brave , for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell caster, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine, Contact him through his website: http://enchantedscents.tripod.com/lovespell/ or his Email: bravespellcaster@gmail.com . thank you so much sir
ReplyDeleteBE CAREFUL HERE NOBODY CAN HELP YOU HERE OR EVEN SUGGEST HOW YOU CAN GET YOUR EX OR LOVE BACK,ANY TESTIMONIES OF MOST SPELL CASTER HERE MUST BE IGNORE.BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARE SCAM I MEAN REAL SCAM WHICH I WAS A VICTIM AND I GOT RIPPED OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS BECAUSE I WAS SO ANXIOUS TO GET MY WIFE BACK AFTER SHE LEFT ME FOR OVER 2 YEARS WITH MY 7 YEARS OLD SON JERRY,I HAVE APPLIED TO 7 DIFFERENT SPELL CASTER HERE AND ALL TO NO AVAIL THEY ALL ASK FOR SAME THING SEND YOUR NAME YOUR EX NAME ADDRESS AND PICTURE PHONE NUMBER ETC WHICH I DID OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND MOST OF THEM WERE FROM WEST AFRICA UNTIL I SAW A POST ABOUT MAMA ANITA SPELL AND I DECIDED TO GAVE HER MY LAST TRAIL.SHE ASK ME FOUR THINGS MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND $380 AND SAID MY EX WILL COME BACK IN 24HOURS, I HAVE PAID OVER $3000 ON SPELL CASTING AND COURIER AND NOTHING HAVE WORK FOR ME AFTER 3 DAYS I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH I HAVE LOST SO FAR SO I SAID LET ME GIVE HER A TRY SO I CALLED HER AGAIN AND SEND MY REAL NAME,MY EX AND MY EX MOTHER NAME AND THE $380 BECAUSE I SWEAR IT WAS MY LAST TRY SO I WAS WAITING AS SHE TOLD ME TO WAIT TILL NEXT DAY AND I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE MY WIFE AND WANT HER BACK AT 9PM THAT DAY I SAW MY WIFE ON LINE ON FACE BOOK AND SHE SAID HI AT FIRST I WAS SHOCK BECAUSE SHE NEVER TALK WITH ME FOR THE PAST A YEAR AND 9 MONTH NOW I DID NOT REPLY AGAIN SHE SAID ARE YOU THERE? I QUICKLY REPLY YES AND SHE SAID CAN WE SEE TOMORROW I SAID YES AND SHE WENT OFF-LINE I WAS CONFUSED I TRY TO CHAT HER AGAIN BUT SHE WAS NO MORE ON LINE I COULD NOT SLEEP THAT NIGHT AS I WAS WONDERING WHAT SHE IS GOING TO SAY, BY 7.AM THE NEXT MORNING SHE GAVE ME A MISS CALL I DECIDED NOT TO CALL BACK AS I WAS STILL ON SHOCK AGAIN SHE CALL AND I PICK SHE SAID CAN WE SEE AFTER WORK TODAY I SAID YES SO SHE END THE CALL IMMEDIATELY I GOT OFF WORK SHE CALL ME AND WE MEET AND NOW WE ARE BACK AGAIN I CALL MAMA ANITA THE NEXT DAY THANKING HER FOR WHAT SHE HAS DONE IN FACT I STILL CALL HER AND THANK HER AS MY LIFE WAS NOT COMPLETE WITHOUT MY WIFE PLEASE BE CAREFUL HERE I HAVE BEEN SCAM THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IF YOU WANT A TRUE LOVE SPELL THEN CONTACT MAMA ANITA (mamaanita.lovespellsolution@gmail.com)
ReplyDeleteHello, My name is TRACY FROM USA, i will love to share my testimony to you all the people in world i got married to my husband about 2 year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed,fighting about little things he always comes home late at night,drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side i have never love any man in my life except him. he is the father of my child and i don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and have today .few month ago he now decided to live me and the kid,being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so i have nobody to turn to and i was heart broken.i called my mom and explain every thing to her,my mother told me about DR.SALOBA how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad i was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other. i was directed to DR. SALOBA on his email: salobaspiritualtemple@gmail.com and explain everything to him,so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love again and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband he told me that my problem will be solved within two days if i believe i said OK So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love really came back asking me to forgive him i Am so happy now. so that why i decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact Dr SALOBA the great spell caster on his email addresses salobaspiritualtemple@gmail.com
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