More parenting a sociopathic son

It's interesting what assumptions we make about people (and even ourselves?) about their/our unspoken motivations for things. One of the weirdest conversations I've had with someone about any sociopathic acts was with the attorney for my publisher after manuscript was submitted. We went through various stories in the book that would lead to potential liability for the publisher. I forget why, but somehow we were talking about the first story about killing the opossum. He said that was vicious. I said something about how I was just eliminating a pest the same way someone might smash a spider. He corrected me, saying that I obviously relished the killing and that was my primary reason for doing it. Hm... It's hard to know what to say to something like that. On the one hand, it's possible that that is true and that I am deeply out of touch with my own motivations on that point (or all points), but I don't think so. And even if I were, for him to think that he has such levels of insight to determine that I am an animal sadist (or any kind of sadist) from one story consisting of several paragraphs seems to me a weird sort of confidence in one's capacity for discernment. I used to think I had crazy people reading skills and now either I've lost them or maybe I've come to distinguish better the difference between being able to see one small angle of a person that is hidden to most eyes versus truly being able to understand another person not myself. Because I really don't think the latter is even possible, anymore (if I ever thought it was). I don't know if that makes me more hopeful that neurodiversity principles will eventually triumph, or less.

An update from the mother who was meeting her sociopathic son halfway, from a comment from that post:

I have had conversations with my son and come to realize that his feeding lizards to the dog and such was actually not motivated by sadistic tendencies, nor was his treatment of other children. For example, with the lizards, the dog was chasing them in a playful manner. My son just thought he was expediting the process... Cutting to the chase, so to speak. He didn't enjoy it. He just didn't care, thought the chasing of the lizard was fun and didn't know what to do with it when he caught it so he fed it to the dog, who had been chasing it... To his mind, it simply made sense. The fights with his brother and other children were not sadism either but, rather, a violent response to a perceived injustice most of the time or instrumental violence that served some purpose to him. That has been a great relief to me. 

To those who have suggested a firmer hand, you are correct. I have been holding firmer on rules, regulations, and punishments. It has made a big difference in his behavior. No more sob stories or pouty faces to escape the punishment (or absence of reward). 

We have been having a lot of fun together... And just having someone who is trying to understand him seems as though it has relieved him, like he doesn't have to hide ALL the time. Framing things as games has probably had the biggest effect. "You are an alien sent from another planet to observe humans and today, your objective is..." It takes the tediousness of normal social interaction and makes it something fun and intellectually engaging... With just the hint of deception/conning. 

Everyone's thoughts on being explicit on things that we assume are "givens" has helped as well. I have also worked with him on understanding and mirroring facial expressions and done exercises to help him develop cognitive empathy and be aware of it... 

I have worked on finding decent role models that are interesting to a nearly ten year old boy but also age appropriate... Catwoman, James Bond (Sean Connery), Aladdin (Yeah... Watch it as an adult and analyze his behavior), Snape.... Not all are necessarily psychopaths but they do utilize behavior that is often sneaky or deceptive to achieve goals that are accepted by society with little violence. 

I just wanted to let everyone know I am still here and I am still listening. I just have been busy lately and unable to post much.