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Thursday, August 27, 2015

Fearing the ego assault

I have a person in my life who I am helping to be able to do well on a particular standardized test. Part of doing well on this particular test requires a high level of critical/rational/logical thinking. This person struggles in a very consistent way at this type of thinking, filling in gaps with inferences and facts of his own creation -- a sort of magical thinking, really, but not a rare struggle. We two can spend a good deal of time on a question, debating until he finally sees where he went wrong. But 30 minutes later he makes the same error. At first he came up with reasons why he might be doing it. Now he doesn't bother to come up with any explanations or excuses, he's just frustrated. More than that, he's a little afraid of what it all means. The last time it happened he said, "I just wonder, have I been doing this the whole time?" It's like when you realize that you have a piece of spinach on your teeth, and now you rewind through the whole day, mortified, thinking who must have seen it and said nothing. As much as people say they don't like change, perhaps the most difficult part of deciding you were in error and changing is to acknowledge the error and the ego death that comes along with it.

Excerpts from "Art of Living", regarding the philosophy of stoic Epictetus, via Brain Pickings:

 The wisest among us appreciate the natural limits of our knowledge and have the mettle to preserve their naiveté. They understand how little all of us really know about anything. There is no such thing as conclusive, once-and-for-all knowledge. The wise do not confuse information or data, however prodigious or cleverly deployed, with comprehensive knowledge or transcendent wisdom. They say things like “Hmmm” or “Is that so!” a lot. Once you realize how little we do know, you are not so easily duped by fast-talkers, splashy gladhanders, and demagogues. Spirited curiosity is an emblem of the flourishing life.
***
Arrogance is the banal mask for cowardice; but far more important, it is the most potent impediment to the flourishing life. Clear thinking and self-importance cannot logically coexist.
***
The first steps toward wisdom are the most strenuous, because our weak and stubborn souls dread exertion (without absolute guarantee of reward) and the unfamiliar. As you progress in your efforts, your resolve is fortified and self-improvement progressively comes easier. By and by it actually becomes difficult to work counter to your own best interest.

By the steady but patient commitment to removing unsound beliefs from our souls, we become increasingly adept at seeing through our flimsy fears, our bewilderment in love, and our lack of self control. We stop trying to look good to others. One day, we contentedly realize we’ve stopped playing to the crowd.

This is maybe just the sort of thing that someone would read and say, sociopaths are not capable understanding or thinking these sorts of thoughts, and perhaps not if the particular sociopath lacks self-awareness. But doesn't it seem more likely (at least in a way) that someone with a weak sense of self would brave the ego assault that is self-introspection than someone with a rigid sense of self?

26 comments:

  1. It seems like he's just used to thinking the wrong way and every 30 minutes he returns to the same habits. It's not that strange

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    1. I had a problem with my girlfriend six months ago,which lead us apart. When she broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside.And i dont know what to do,I feel my life has come to an end because she was my first love.I went for counselling and advice online and i saw so many good comment about a spell caster on how he help them to solve their relationship and marriage issues.I email the spell caster on the email which was provided in the comments (relationshipspell@gmail.com) and I explain my problem to him and I did what he asked me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew what happened,after 48 hours,my girlfriend gave me a call and she came back to me and told me she was sorry about what happen and beg for forgiveness, I’m so grateful to these spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he did for me.If you need his help,you can email him at RELATIONSHIPSPELL@GMAIL.COM his website: http://relationshipspellhelp.webs.com I will forever be grateful to him.He is the perfect solution to relationship and marriage issues.

      Delete
  2. I am a psychologist and when I studied at the university instead of writing my essay on the similar topic I ordered it at this website. And you know that according to the American Psychiatric Association, about three out of 100 males and one in 100 are sociopaths.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Why dont you tell us exactly what a sociopaths is, instead of some hilarious number you pull out from a hat.

      I shall tell you what: In my opinion, at least every second person I meat, is a sociopath. Only problem is, it is being sociopathic in a way that the society consider a fair game. So, hence, the person won't be diagnosed. They are still huge assholes. I have met a lot of criminals, with a log bigger heart than many normals. So you tell us, runnings for specialty in that matter, what is a sociopath ?

      P.

      Delete
    2. Only the Paranoid SurviveSeptember 1, 2015 at 2:12 PM

      Everyone is a sociopath until proven otherwise.

      Delete
  3. Another excellent post, M.E.

    This is a favorite topic of mine to explore.

    Ego death is always painful, even shocking. Perhaps we become so attached to labels, identity markers such as gender, religion, etc., because deep down we realize that we don't have a clue as to what or who we are. When I debate an issue with someone who becomes overly defensive, it appears to me that the conversation turns into a matter of life and death. Maybe that's why Buddha discouraged metaphysical discussions; we tend to identity with our beliefs, creating a false sense of self rather than extending our consciousness beyond those beliefs. Someone once said, A great mind can entertain an idea without becoming it.

    Certainly a rigid sense of self interferes with the attainment of true knowledge. A fluid sense of self could more easily give up an 'ego-marker' than one that's set in concrete. But I also think that fluidity of self can be employed to avoid ego death; by slipping in and out of ego attachments, it's easy to skim over the death throes of a reified mindset. It's very tricky to truly detach from the ego's prison, because whether or not we realize it we're always struggling to maintain 'the center' of our own consciousness. In Vedic literature, the wise, when questioned about the nature of the Self, reply, "Not this. Not that." This little phrase reminds me that I really don't know who or what I am sans my ideas, beliefs and emotions. And that's OK. Because then I remember to simply let the wind and rain penetrate and pass through me, and in that moment who or what I am in human society matters not at all. I am alive, a part of nature. I flow with the changing elements and that suits me fine. To touch and be touched by the Other is fundamental to my sense of happiness.

    A sense of humor, a feeling for the absurd, help me to 'get over myself,' the idealization of my being the hero starring in a universal play. An incalculable number of stars populate the cosmos. Each one burns with its own unique spectrum.

    Mr. Hyde

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    1. I just love everything you write!

      Delete
    2. Thank you very much. :))

      Mr. Hyde

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    3. I would like to talk to you, do you have facebook?

      Delete
    4. I'm flattered and intrigued you wish to speak off this site with me. Do you have an email?

      Mr. Hyde

      Delete
  4. People with strong morals are highly attached to ideologies that connect them to their identity. How insecure an individual is is a different matter completely, but identity is a flimsy concept for almost any human being.

    But what's interesting is that an ego assault seems to have very different consequences for a sociopath than for an empath, making a comparison almost fruitless. It would seem to me that a sociopaths' underlying fear is the loss of control over a particular situation. Since the sociopath can only create a form of identity through another persons perception of themselves, a loss of control means a disambiguation of the self that they need to translate in order to stay relevant. So consequentially, loss over control, in the mind of a sociopath, means they do not matter and become dispensable.

    It's very interesting for me, as an empath, to imagine exactly what it means to die in the mind of a socio. Maybe the fear is more acute because it is based out of pure instinct and cannot be diluted by emotion?

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    1. "It would seem to me that a sociopaths' underlying fear is the loss of control over a particular situation."

      I can't speak for anyone else, but I don't operate on the basis of fear. I don't even have any that I can readily identify. I hope for positive outcomes, but I do not fear negative ones. Insofar as I am able to control a given situation, I will seek to influence it in my favour. But what purpose would it serve to "fear" circumstances or events that are entirely outside of my control? That would be completely illogical. And it's no way to live.

      "Since the sociopath can only create a form of identity through another persons perception of themselves, a loss of control means a disambiguation of the self that they need to translate in order to stay relevant. So consequentially, loss over control, in the mind of a sociopath, means they do not matter and become dispensable."

      I think you're wrong about this. In our various relationships, those of us with sociopathic personalities may well create a "form of identity" through the other person's perception of us, which we manipulate by reflecting their expectations and beliefs about us. This increases their sense of well-being in our presence, and reinforces their bonds to us, thereby serving as a means through which we might gain influence in their lives. We are not necessarily being disingenuous; we are merely sharing only parts of ourselves, and withholding others, according to their preferences and prejudices.

      And yet- by sharing only parts of ourselves with everyone, we withhold something from *everyone*. We always have little things tucked away that only we know about- like when I light a joint as I pass the police station, just because the risk gives me a stupid, illicit little thrill. A secret garden filled with pretty, dark things, that only we know about.

      So we will not hesitate to be duplicitous, or lie about major aspects of our lives if it suits us, even to those who are close to us (or who only think they are). Moreover, we will do so without a shred of compunction, guilt or cognitive dissonance- because we are used to hiding things. With few exceptions, our authentic "selves" were rejected by cruel, self-absorbed, narcissistic and domineering parents, so we hid it away, where it remained arrested in terms of its capacity to develop, feeding on the detritus and waste of our abusers, like a mushroom flourishing in a root cellar- darkly beautiful, yet toxic and antisocial to the core.

      Because we are never fully transparent, we are never truly vulnerable. It is a safeguard against intimacy, which was once necessary for our self-preservation. (That is why I think that in some ways, the tough yet flexible sociopathic personality is a complex defense mechanism.) To say that we fear losing control because we fear becoming irrelevant or dispensable is highly inaccurate. As a rule, we don't bond strongly. If one of us severs the tie, we will simply move on with other projects and people. We don't care, because in the end, we don't need you.

      By contrast, if you *do* manage to form a strong bond with a sociopath- you will have a friend for life, because you will become an extension of us. But that is for another discussion.

      A final thought for you, "empath": you speak as though "of course" a sociopath operates out of fear. Your broad assumption shows me how this is your weakness. What can you do to be less fearful of rejection, and consequently less dependent on others in terms of your self-esteem? :)

      Delete
    2. To be fair, I did come back a few hours later to read my comment and realized that I projected a lot of imaginary emotions into the analysis. I guess it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of being almost completely clear of emotion, especially because these are the ones that stand out for me the most.

      But when you say that you don’t have fear, I’m very curious as to you feel (or sense) when you imagine yourself in a situation that might absolutely demand it (or need its application), like for the sake of survival based on instinct? I hope I’m not relying on the word feel again… try and level with me on this one.
      On the same topic, one thing that stuck with me in the book is when you were with your classmates and they became extremely frustrated when discussing people who committed horrible crimes. You stood by in perplexity and had some sort of anxiety about being identified as different from them. How does anxiety exist as separate from fear? It’s beyond me to separate the two.
      “But what purpose would it serve to "fear" circumstances or events that are entirely outside of my control? That would be completely illogical. And it's no way to live.”
      I would say that fear served as ancient survival instincts and it’s still hardwired into our brains as a means of survival. Even though it may be illogical and unnecessary in our current environment, it once served as a fuel to push us beyond our physical capacities (like running and climbing from prey). We’ve outgrown ourselves faster than nature can work.
      Fear can also serves a range for emotional buffers for us empaths, but that would be a long story. Whether it’s beneficial or not would totally depend on the individual. It’s our inescapable nature that can either be used as a great advantage (emotional maturity) or a path to crippling self-doubt.
      Any thoughts on this?
      Thanks for the life advice, and the response!

      Delete
  5. "YOU" are not real. It's just a bunch of collections that you picked up over
    time. "You" must disgard "you," by emptying the glass of "you." But not
    your body. It can and will die. That's why you need both an "inner" God and
    an "outer" God.
    The inner God is your pristine spirit devoid of labels. "He" just observes and
    doesn't impulsively react.
    The exterior God, is the one that created the physical structure of the Earth
    and your own body that needs to be protected. That's where life beyond physical
    death comes.

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  6. In my view, Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus were probably mindful, pro-social psychopaths. Like Buddhist meditators (East Asian, Tibetan, etc) or St. Paul. Do some research and it will become clear.

    Those guys listed above behave very "good", but their intentions have NOTHING to do with the reasons of normal people (fear).

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  7. I recently experienced a sort-of ego death. I regressed to my childhood. I came to this hypothesis that in some sense, everyone's a narcissist. We develop an image of ourselves - and it's nothing but an image. And so, we internalize it. When our false images are attacked, we feel that the very core of our being is at risk.

    It still brings a great sense of nervousness and stress over me to really pay close attention to what isn't even there. It also brings about a great freedom to redefine myself as I choose.

    M.E. - I've learned a great deal about myself by reading about your unique experience. I've overcome a great deal of insecurity by taking on a state of mind, not totally unlike that of a sociopath - but with a particular emphasis on not feeling guilt, shame, remorse and subsequently fear. I found myself able to pull myself out of my social norms and just look at the human world from the outside.

    It's honestly something that more people should do. I can't get rid of my emotional empathy, nor should I. However, by understanding it I can understand it more effectively, allowing me to get a greater view of my own life.

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    1. You could consider your thoughts in a more political paradigm. It is interesting.

      We're born narcs, then our parents starts to exhibit control and dominance. In other words, they are psychopathic towards us. "It is for your own good". This role is later taken over by the society. Collectivism, mores, police and so forth.

      But already as children, most people give up. They give up their true desires and personality, and then start to create something, which most aren't. They define themselves by their creation. "I am lawyer"... Not you're not. you have studies laws, because you had to get a fcking living and salary. And you probably picked something you suspected would maximize income per effort. And deep down we all know it. It is just so hard, and often impossible, to find an alternative escape from that fact and from the "dominators". So if someone comes around and remind "you" of reality, "you" become frustrated, because "you" had forgotten about being "arrested", being "under control". You had accepted it, and even developed the Stockholm syndrome. You were doin fine till someone reminded you that it is all just bullshit. So you fight. You have to keep the false ego in place. Even though you know it is false. Because, in reality, alternatives are very few. One of them is suicide. And some people opt for that. Others need a very bright mind. Most people dont have that.

      I have learned that parents, in my society, are allowed to do to their children, what a grown up would be imprisoned for years for doing. And I just had to ask why it is like that ? Well, I think I have touched some possible answer to it in my first paragraph.

      Weird World

      P.

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  8. "I have learned that parents, in my society, are allowed to do to their children, what a grown up would be imprisoned for years for doing. And I just had to ask why it is like that ? Well, I think I have touched some possible answer to it in my first paragraph. "

    Bad english.
    Parents can commit crimes towards their children, which grown up doing towards another grown up, would be sentenced hard for

    Pedophilia is one case. Compare the penalty for a parent incesting with very young child of theirs, versus a grown up raping another grown up. The penalty depends on country. In my, the latter is taken more seriously. Despite the fact that law makers know that 9 of 10 family cases will not even be reported due to family bindings. Yet, even when they are reported, which practically means that the victim is being propelled out of the family, they even sentence it lighter than a random doing something to another random person.

    And what about mothers slapping their children, versus a husband slapping the mother back for slapping their children. Lol.. Hilarious.. And why ?

    Because childhood is frankly an enslavement process. So parents are basically allowed to use a very "tough love", to erase ego.
    Are people consiuos of this happening. Probably not. I, some others and the true "rulers" or "advisers" probably are aware. If you still have a very strong ego after the upbringing, you may be "given up" and be a "free target", for instance by being diagnosed a "psycho/sociopath"
    So the smart sociopath sense this shit, and will perform, but not more than it has to, unless increased performance concurs with how the ego goes and it's desires.

    It is fucked up.

    P.
    P.

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    1. In my case, they did a mistake. Child care and the "state". They underestimated how sick my family was. So my ego was erased to such a point that all that was left and interesting, was to observe how the world goes and how sick minds thinks. Which again has left me very disinterested in what society desires. I could have been an excellent engineer or whatever, but they allowed the sickness to go to such an extent, that I sort of lost interest in what "other people" think of me. Does that mean I have become a psychopath ? Neh.. I never been really interested in cheating and in hurting other people. I am more of a schizoid.

      So there is a line. It proably sounds better, but it is also probably more correct, to say that childhood is about "guiding the ego". In other words, for us people who see things for what they are, creating a pro-social false ego. A good psychologist will know that "altruism" is a fake, and will guide the ego in more economical terms. So that we can do something for our own good, that doesn't hurt others. And even sometimes can be good for others. So they create "idols". This Disney children are "american dream" idols. Gandhi is a "do good" idol. Mandela is a "fairness" idol. In reality, most rulers give a shit about all those things when it comes to their own behaviour.

      If both Mandela and Gandhi were smart enough and lived long enough, they would have thought: Why the fuck did I bother... Why the fuck did I bother to spend all these years in a rotten cell... What has South-Africa become today.. .How stupid was I who just couldn't see that this would probably be the outcome...

      Their false-ego tricked them all. Hilarious. But I like that macchiavellian game-style. It ain't the rulers fault that people are so disinterested in all the information that one can find and learn from the internet. If they wanna be tricked, sure why not. In a way I am on the offenders side on that one. You see the reactions yourself, when you try to "educate" some people. Furious. Some even turn to violent againt you, the messanger boy, instead of the true offenders.

      Toss em a bone (or cock) and give a fuck about them.

      P.

      Delete
  9. My heart is filled with love and happiness because my husband is back to me after a divorce with the help of a genuine spell caster .My name is Becky Miller , I live in California,USA. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My heart is filled with love and happiness because my husband is back to me after a divorce with the help of a genuine spell caster .My name is Becky Miller , I live in California,USA. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with three kids. A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past seven 9 months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster. So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website { http://lovespelldrbrave.weebly.com/. } if you have any problem contact Dr Brave ,{ bravespellcaster@gmail.com }, thanks you Dr Brave, i will always be testifying about your good work, and for any questions call me on +1(575) 779-6197.

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  12. My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he did a spell for me. Three days later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his E-mail: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com .

    ReplyDelete
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  14. I had a problem with my girlfriend six months ago,which lead us apart. When she broke up with me,I was no longer myself,I fill so empty inside.And i dont know what to do,I feel my life has come to an end because she was my first love.I went for counselling and advice online and i saw so many good comment about a spell caster on how he help them to solve their relationship and marriage issues.I email the spell caster on the email which was provided in the comments (relationshipspell@gmail.com) and I explain my problem to him and I did what he asked me, to briefly make the long story short, Before I knew what happened,after 48 hours,my girlfriend gave me a call and she came back to me and told me she was sorry about what happen and beg for forgiveness, I’m so grateful to these spell caster and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he did for me.If you need his help,you can email him at RELATIONSHIPSPELL@GMAIL.COM his website: http://relationshipspellhelp.webs.com I will forever be grateful to him.He is the perfect solution to relationship and marriage issues.

    ReplyDelete

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