Somewhat along those lines, here's the self-report of a youngster who has been diagnosed with Harm OCD (which I had never heard about before) but questions whether there are actually elements of psychopathy about it:
Hi, I'm 13 and I've been reading your blog a lot lately, I think you are the right person to ask.
I know that I can't ask you for too much without paying you, but I hope you at least tell me whether I'm actually psychopathic or I have Harm OCD, I've asked a psychiatrist and he told me that I have Harm OCD
It's a long story but I think that it'll help you to improve your opinion I should tell you everythinhg.
Sorry if there are many mistakes but I'm spanish.
(Is the ability to learn a second language by yourself a psychopathic trait?)
Two months ago I was playing videogames with my friend and he was searching "Scary Videos". He stumbled upon a really scary one, but at the moment I was just scared and nothing else.
The real problem started when I went to bed, so I had a horrible intrusive thought (Do you need me to tell exactly the thoughts for a better diagnosis?) about my young brother, who sleeps in the same room as me. I started sweating, shaking and crying and wanting to hit my head against the wall until the thoughts left. So the next few days I was worried and searching compulsively about it on the internet, just taking sanity tests.
Also during those days I was overly nice to my family, is that psychopathic?
But in like three days I just woke up and the thoughts didn't seem to be there.
I kept worrying a bit about exactly why I had had those thoughts but I just tried to ignore it.
It was a week later when I was having lunch and I thought 'Have I had these thoughts lately?No'. And then some other intrusive thoughts came in.
So it was then when I just started impulsively surfing the Internet reading every article and taking every test about psychopathy that I found. I was just so confused because it kinda didn't really fit me but I just kept thinking about it all day long.
Then it was all more or less the same.
But I found your blog and it was like heaven, I read them and they were pure relief.
But some of my biggest doubts is that sometimes I get graphic intrusive thoughts and sometimes they're just like " I hate this person" when I just don't.
And also taking everything from my past and analisyng them as psychopathic signs
For example: I loved a girl for some years and I didn't ever dare to talk to her, and I just started thinking 'Maybe that's psychopathic' or 'Maybe I didn't love her', while before the thoughts I spent most time thinking that I should've talked to her and was completely sure that I loved her.
Also lately I've gotten angry very quickly and I just wanted to be alone crying without them noticing, and I started classes today and it has affected me really badly, I'm at school and I just wanna surf the web trying to find out whether I have OCD or actually something horrible.
I have also been having suicide thoughts, but they're not as the intrusive thoughts, they're coherent ideas and actually the only reason keeping me from killing myself is that I don't want my brother grow up in that situation; but then I thought ĂŹs it better to kill myself so that I make sure I don't hurt anyone but affect his childhood, or stay alive hoping I have OCD and not something worse.
Also I've been wishing to go to a therapist but I don't really know what to tell my parents. Like, it's all been so sudden; before the summer started I just cried monthly because I didn't talk to the girl I love, but when the thoughts came I want to cry every three minutes.
Most nights I dream about going to therapy and I beg that if there's some god it must either kill me or take the thoughts out of my mind. I haven't had any mental illness in my life, or at least I don't know about having any (maybe I've had some slight depression when I found out that I wouldn't be able to ever talk to my first love (because I changed of school).
Also I've stopped doing some things, I loved watching movies but lately I just can't, I watched two movies other day but no more.
I also have noticed that lately I've been crying a lot because of the death of RobĂn Williams or Philip Seymour Hoffman or sad news on TV. While I didn't do that often.
Now I'm gonna tell you what I think is the signs that might define me as psychopathic:
When I was a kid and I got caught doing something bad I would feel guilt, but I would lie so I didn't could get away with it. I also have a high IQ and bedwetted until I was 9.
Can you explain this all?, ask me whatever you want, Will this affect me at school? Am I psychopathic? Is this dangerous? Will I do something bad? How can I tell my parents that I need a therapist? (I've never told anyone about this because I thought it was something worse?) Thanks a lot and if you can help me a bit thanks, thanks and thanks.