He lost control and tried to sexually assault me. I slapped him.
It's all over now. He closed the door in an instant and it's for the best.
Boy that I loved was hurting me too much. I loved him more than the stars but I had to change that.
I guess long time commenters might have been expecting this post. I feel sad, sometimes very sad, but I also know I tried what I could and the balance he needed no longer offered me enough.
Thanks for all your insights and for sharing your experiences with me. I've come a long way personally. I'm sure it's onward and upward for me but I will take a little time to grieve, I guess. He was special to me.
I have lost someone important to me, someone with whom I shared more intimacy than I'd ever experienced before. He was difficult to deal with, and I feel this had been a natural process, inevitable even sure to our different natures, but I wish it wasn't so. I feel honoured and glad that he could share some parts of himself truthfully with me. There were many significant things.
Oh boy have you come to the right place to share this shit uh, girl. I'm dead good at making people feel better. You probably wouldn't want my version of sympathetic sympathy, and certainly wouldn't need it I can tell thee. But I feel for you North...in your asterixed asshole you've lost your point of intrigue, which has been clearly made, clear, over the years intrigues you, and that's gonna be tough for someone like you. Everyone after this is going to be a let down for your mind, you'll see them as dull, boring, lifeless and uninteresting. Because they will be. You'll want to scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" in their faces and stab them in their stupid fucking necks. You'll compare every action and every word, and they'll fall flat, you'll scream internally and slowly erode that fabulous mind of yours down to a mundane stump. So ask yourself if you want a life of let downs or can you handle a slap? Was it actually your fault? Were you dressed provocatively and asking for it? Or you take the road of wallowing in self pity, I'd send you those virtual hugs people feel obliged to do, but you're bigger than me so suck it up woman. Avoid James Blunt like he's a homeless beggar and 10CCs I'm All Out Of Love probably isn't a good idea, but that really comes to how much you want to try and hurt yourself. I'd recommend a bottle of vodka and U2s With or Without You. Is anyone dead? No? Could be worse see. You're tough...what would you do on the pitch? Exactly...arrange a coffee or some shit and stick the head on him, if he's OK with it, you can take the slap (a slap?! seriously, is **_* an eight year old fucking girl for fucks sakes?!). But anyways...here for you old friend.
So when he said "You can go now. That's it, I'm not interested in violence" I was pretty sure that was the end. He closed me out. There was no entering into correspondence. He wouldn't talk to me.
But he did let me stay to say goodbye. This mostly consisted of wrapping myself up in his jacket and accepting the finality of the situation.
I've read many times how one a sociopath decides that's it, there's no going back. I knew I was experiencing that. I wanted to cry but also knew that would be completely ineffective as a signalling mechanism.
I did a couple of things. I reflected to him that his trust was broken and he'd closed the door. I wouldn't try to convince him to open it.
And I asked him to think about what happened. Why did he proceed when I had said no many times, including on Viber? His answer was that I had manipulated him. I asked him what my possible motivation for that would be.
So I guess he did think about these things.
Meanwhile, i was retched into the toilet bowl with grief. That's what happens. Then i just say next to him and watched him work. Eventually he gave My some dinner. And cheese. Still wouldn't talk to me. Definitely wouldn't let me touch him. So I really just proceeded trying to accept the situation. And when he asked me to leave, I left without another word.
One thing he had been teaching me is to protect myself. To understand others will use things against me and to be prepared. Knowing how history of reporting things to police, I documented my version of events and sent it to him.
He read it that evening. And then he disappeared off Viber. That's when I figured it was definitely over and wrote the post here to help with the acceptance process.
But he came back. Yes, he wrote a very interesting message on Viber. It was basically self defence, a denial. And then an invitation to come and pick up my stuff.
So yeah. I feel bad for your effort Swop but it was much appreciated and you definitely made me laugh.
And still it's an elusive art to express one's needs to a sociopath such that they both pay attention AND retain stability...
Is there any worse social situation then when a quiet socio meets a malign narci, and the latter starts to try and control the meeting by half-mocking the socio with "finer than thou" comments or fancy talk, as if he owned the city?
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He lost control and tried to sexually assault me. I slapped him.
ReplyDeleteIt's all over now. He closed the door in an instant and it's for the best.
Boy that I loved was hurting me too much. I loved him more than the stars but I had to change that.
I guess long time commenters might have been expecting this post. I feel sad, sometimes very sad, but I also know I tried what I could and the balance he needed no longer offered me enough.
Thanks for all your insights and for sharing your experiences with me. I've come a long way personally. I'm sure it's onward and upward for me but I will take a little time to grieve, I guess. He was special to me.
I have lost someone important to me, someone with whom I shared more intimacy than I'd ever experienced before. He was difficult to deal with, and I feel this had been a natural process, inevitable even sure to our different natures, but I wish it wasn't so. I feel honoured and glad that he could share some parts of himself truthfully with me. There were many significant things.
DeleteHad -> has
DeleteSure -> due
North. I wish I could hug you right now.
DeleteYou will not get over Jean-Pierre or **-* or whatever his name is.
You can decide to stop loving him. That will break you heart.
You can also decide to continue loving him. Easier probably.
You are in charge of what comes next in your life.
Hugs. Hug. Hope to meet you one day in person.
Oh boy have you come to the right place to share this shit uh, girl. I'm dead good at making people feel better. You probably wouldn't want my version of sympathetic sympathy, and certainly wouldn't need it I can tell thee. But I feel for you North...in your asterixed asshole you've lost your point of intrigue, which has been clearly made, clear, over the years intrigues you, and that's gonna be tough for someone like you. Everyone after this is going to be a let down for your mind, you'll see them as dull, boring, lifeless and uninteresting. Because they will be. You'll want to scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" in their faces and stab them in their stupid fucking necks. You'll compare every action and every word, and they'll fall flat, you'll scream internally and slowly erode that fabulous mind of yours down to a mundane stump. So ask yourself if you want a life of let downs or can you handle a slap? Was it actually your fault? Were you dressed provocatively and asking for it?
DeleteOr you take the road of wallowing in self pity, I'd send you those virtual hugs people feel obliged to do, but you're bigger than me so suck it up woman. Avoid James Blunt like he's a homeless beggar and 10CCs I'm All Out Of Love probably isn't a good idea, but that really comes to how much you want to try and hurt yourself. I'd recommend a bottle of vodka and U2s With or Without You.
Is anyone dead? No? Could be worse see.
You're tough...what would you do on the pitch? Exactly...arrange a coffee or some shit and stick the head on him, if he's OK with it, you can take the slap (a slap?! seriously, is **_* an eight year old fucking girl for fucks sakes?!).
But anyways...here for you old friend.
Ah...you slapped him for sexual assault.
DeleteNote to self: read a post proper first.
In that case, Chris Isaaks Wicked Game.
DeleteWell, don't I look a goose.
DeleteThanks for your thoughtful post Swop!
He is intriguing. Mystifying.
So when he said "You can go now. That's it, I'm not interested in violence" I was pretty sure that was the end. He closed me out. There was no entering into correspondence. He wouldn't talk to me.
But he did let me stay to say goodbye. This mostly consisted of wrapping myself up in his jacket and accepting the finality of the situation.
I've read many times how one a sociopath decides that's it, there's no going back. I knew I was experiencing that. I wanted to cry but also knew that would be completely ineffective as a signalling mechanism.
I did a couple of things. I reflected to him that his trust was broken and he'd closed the door. I wouldn't try to convince him to open it.
And I asked him to think about what happened. Why did he proceed when I had said no many times, including on Viber? His answer was that I had manipulated him. I asked him what my possible motivation for that would be.
So I guess he did think about these things.
Meanwhile, i was retched into the toilet bowl with grief. That's what happens. Then i just say next to him and watched him work. Eventually he gave My some dinner. And cheese. Still wouldn't talk to me. Definitely wouldn't let me touch him. So I really just proceeded trying to accept the situation. And when he asked me to leave, I left without another word.
One thing he had been teaching me is to protect myself. To understand others will use things against me and to be prepared. Knowing how history of reporting things to police, I documented my version of events and sent it to him.
He read it that evening. And then he disappeared off Viber. That's when I figured it was definitely over and wrote the post here to help with the acceptance process.
But he came back. Yes, he wrote a very interesting message on Viber. It was basically self defence, a denial. And then an invitation to come and pick up my stuff.
So yeah. I feel bad for your effort Swop but it was much appreciated and you definitely made me laugh.
And still it's an elusive art to express one's needs to a sociopath such that they both pay attention AND retain stability...
My phone and spelling. It changes words after I type them. Apologies for not proof reading.
DeleteMust be meeting up with Sociopath I just got rid of....meeting him at his lake house in Delavan or his condo in the south loop??
ReplyDelete« And still it's an elusive art to express one's needs to a sociopath such that they both pay attention AND retain stability »
ReplyDeleteHow so very very true.
Is there any worse social situation then when a quiet socio meets a malign narci, and the latter starts to try and control the meeting by half-mocking the socio with "finer than thou" comments or fancy talk, as if he owned the city?
ReplyDelete