Hello friends. One of you mentioned that I should come to Greece? Email me your contact info and we can try to work something out.
Other upcoming trips are Texas sometime and a roadtrip in September up the west coast of the United States into Canada/Vancouver/Calgary and then back down a couple states in, including Idaho, Montana, Utah, Wyoming, Nevada.
If you have other requests, feel free to email me those as well. I'm submitting the book proposal to publishers soon and the timeline for writing it and still seeing people is probably about a year, so better to contact me earlier than later about it so I can try to work you in.
Thanks!
Other upcoming trips are Texas sometime and a roadtrip in September up the west coast of the United States into Canada/Vancouver/Calgary and then back down a couple states in, including Idaho, Montana, Utah, Wyoming, Nevada.
If you have other requests, feel free to email me those as well. I'm submitting the book proposal to publishers soon and the timeline for writing it and still seeing people is probably about a year, so better to contact me earlier than later about it so I can try to work you in.
Thanks!
We did "love" each other, but he didn't want a woman in his life and I didn't want to be treated like a prostitute. He wouldn't apply his intelligence to find a solution covering both conditions.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I can tell - because it's implicit in his behaviour rather than explicitly stated - he is happy to see me so long as it's incidental so that his son doesn't have reason to blame him.
Which is preposterous because why wouldn't his son blame him for incidental sex any less than four planned sex? Because he couldn't help it? Random!
And it's unacceptable from my perspective, obviously.
But that's where he's at and it's a hard limit for him.
Personally, I think it's true he wants to prioritise the kid. He dies want his impulsiveness or obsessiveness to impact the boy. He has said as much as this, specifically that he's irresponsible, that he doesn't trust himself and that he thought very hard before deciding to have a child.
I think somehow he justified seeing me at all by being very elusive, never committing to plans, "sometimes I can, sometimes I can't" in regards to speaking with me during the week, but happy to see me multiple times every day when we worked in the same building.
Of course he refused to explain any of that.
This is the thing with sociopaths. Won't talk to you, won't collaborate. So you have to learn them by experience.
Fancy if he'd just explained all of that. We could have found a way.
But then it comes down to trust and his complete lack of it.
When I met ME, she explained to me that each person in a relationship wants something. This can either be accepted or rejected by the other and that's it.
I was openly horrified by this. It's so antithetical to actual relationship, in which pastors discuss and arrive at mutually satisfying common ground.
**-* is clearly aligned with ME on this point. We talked about this early on - he finished my sentence:
Me: "when I try to find common ground it feels like..."
Him: "you're pulling me if my ground"
So that's it in a nutshell. There is no space for common ground solutions and therefore very, very minimal opportunity for real relationship. The stars just have to align and when they don't, it's too bad, so sad from the sociopath's standpoint. "Byeeeeee"
Hence my utter rejection of Quora bullshit about psychopathic "inner circles" and rational problem solving. Nope. None of that in my experience.
I'll give **-* a lot of credit though.
He would really discuss things with me but he did read my statements of position. He did seriously consider my positives. He even investigated shine of my suggestions - I really do think given his life goals at the moment he should find a prostitute to meet his needs. He looked into that and decided he didn't want to. He may have tried it since, who knows. I think he also agreed his dobbing of everything to the police was him running back to his father and that he hides behind his son.
But he did consider the things I said and what I needed from the safety of distance. Which was good. I haven't even had that much in my life before so hopefully I can take a step forward again.
And exposure. His "fantasm" was all about mitigating the exposure he felt by transferring it to his partner. There were complicating factors in his choice of fantasm with me; I thought it was a paraphilia. But it all makes sense now. The fantasms he described with previous partners were very clearly exposure-related. Basically, he tests and discovers an exposing activity his partner is uncomfortable with but will perform because she loves him. He uses this activity to a) test she really loves him (because, what, he can't really tell??) and b) to inflict the pain of exposure he may have felt for some reason onto her (ie externalisation).
So there you go. Mystery solved.
North,
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear about your situation. You sound very much still in love with a guy who's unavailable on just about every level that's meaningful to you. I used to counsel couples and one thing I found very useful was to assign written homework. Propose the following questions and write down the answers: What do I want from an intimate relationship? What do I absolutely need? What will I absolutely not tolerate? These simple questions sometimes produce widely disparate answers from each partner and that can help in making changes or decisions. M.E. is right: everyone does want something from their relationships. The trick to fulfilling or transforming expectations is to know what it is you really want, need and what you can't/won't tolerate.
Hope that helps and that you find what you're looking for.
Amaria
I think people are looking for help on Quora. That's where they ask questions.
DeleteYeah, jeez Amaria, read the room before you wade in with your steel toe capped counsellor boots on.
DeleteDo you see a single question in Norths tirade? Hmm?!
Do you see a single request for help or understanding? Well??!!
No, you don't. So don't try and fix it dear.
This is Norths way of doing her understanding. She talks at us not to us, sometimes slurs a bit, and sometimes throws her toys right out her pram and flounces out of here.
But we all do that I guess.
Sorry to hear your situation hasn't improved much North mate, if you don't want to be his prostitute, have you considered not charging him for your services?
I'm here for you, you know that.
That exposure fantasm thing at the end? Maybe you overthink some of these things if I may, sounds more of an ego boost type thing, see what he can get a woman to do for him outside of her comfort zone. Which is just a self gratifying game all us self obsessed wankers like to play, like teaching your dog to eat bees say, ownership and control.
yeah Amaria, ya boring cuck, GTFO of here, mate
Deletehow soon can one get North to auto delete again? Last time it only took like 10 minutes
You know all the answers but the truth is still too scary.
DeleteAttacking me won't change that. I just remind you of it, but even without me, there's a splinter in your mind.
Even the sight of me widens the fault line in your mind and you
Deleteneed a full cast of characters to try stitching the gash closed.
I don't have anything against you but I don't accept your bullshit. Simple.
Your battle is not with me.
I think you, for some bizarre reason, think I am someone who I am not
DeleteI'm kinda sorry I'm not that person because I'm sure that person is loads more interesting than I am
try for one second to allow for the possibility that I am not whoever or whatever you think I am, just on for size
is it possible?
Tactical, intended for other readers.
DeletePROOF re something I've been thinking about lately:
Deletehow for most humans (and I'm sure myself too) the Subjective Experience of reality is more important and real than the Objective Experience
wild to think of all the life decisions we make based on weird misconceptions, biases, delusions, etc.
i used to fight this but now I choose to embrace it
vive l'expérience subjective de la vie!!