Here's the video from the meeting:
Confessions of a Sociopath author M.E. Thomas interviews John Doe, who has been in a relationship with a psychopath for the past few years. They talk about the pluses and minuses to being in a close relationship with a psychopath, some of the things he wishes he had done differently or wishes she could have done differently, and some advice he would give to others in a similar situation. He also shares his thoughts on self-acceptance, and how the stigma against sociopaths makes the situation worse not just for the psychopaths but for everyone.
This upcoming Sunday 1/10/21 we'll have on a guest who was in a relationship with a sociopath.
M.E. Thomas is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.
Topic: Relationship with a Psychopath
Time: Jan 10, 2021 11:00 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Join Zoom Meeting
https://us04web.zoom.us/j/74970456227
Meeting ID: 749 7045 6227
Passcode: uFqW4U
From my personal experience with my Favourite Cat and the Other Cat, I would say the biggest challenge is that they expected me to shift to their ground.
ReplyDeleteTo me, it's mind boggling. I've said I won't go there, how could they possibly expect me to bend? Why won't they consider my perspective and find something feasible?
It's that anti-collaboration that brings these relationships to a close for me.
Most people negotiate a mutual position. But I think it's different with sociopaths - it's like they acquiesce to some "demands", but it frustrates them and there are very hard limits, and that's the end.
I think this acquiescence is significantly different to negotiation, which is really important for relationship growth. At the time, I thought it was negotiation, but in hindsight, I see it was probably experienced more as pressure for them.
Can anyone relate? Any sociopaths have a view on this?
Cheers
Your resistance makes an inviting conquest. I lost interest when there was no resistance, and when I was convinced I just could not break through their resistance. It's do-it-my-way or buh-bye. Probably why my relationships and close friendships rarely ended peacefully.
DeleteThanks for your thoughts, Victoria.
DeleteThere were times when my Favourite Cat would say "byeeee", just like that.
In the end, resistance gets too tiring, or I have other things that draw my interest and the fight's not worth it.
I think, with the Other Cat, I learned to walk away from fights and that's good for me. I'm enjoying not fighting, maybe there's a life in that ;)
My previous comment wasn't very clear about why the tendency to "acquiesce". Here goes:
Delete1) Open literal negotiation hasn't worked well in the past. People often failed to hold up their end of the "compromise", or eventually developed resentments. They would get defensive and resist "manipulation" when they got to know my stance on their demands beforehand, so it's more effective to acquiesce and tactically mold them towards the direction I want while having them believe that they got there voluntarily.
2) I was often oblivious to my own preference (or simply not having any), so I would experiment with molding myself into the perfect friend/partner to fulfill all their demands.
At some point if I thought all my efforts did not help create what I envision, I would explode and leave. I could easily construct a new bond elsewhere, and psychopaths are very comfortable with solitude anyway.
I am not sure if this "acquiescence vs negotiation" take is different from neurotypical people, perhaps neurotypical people fear being alone too much, and also are less able to detect the emotions caused by supposedly agreed upon compromise from both sides? Maybe they don't mind dealing with whatever hassles that stem from those emotions, but my default is to avoid them the best I could.
Thanks for these additional thoughts Victoria. I've also been reflecting on how I could articulate my experience better, and considering your viewpoints.
DeleteThere's a bit going on with the Other Cat this week which is taking my attention but I will circle back to this.
Apologies for missing the live session. London is proving to be rather distracting at the moment.
ReplyDeleteReviewing the recording it seems to me people enter relationships with those they know to be sociopaths, or are attracted to the traits associated with them, do for there own reason; For example if you like distance and like your independence. Possibly have submissive tendencies. Or even the opposite. If you meet the needs of the sociopath they won't bother you. However do not project feeling on to them that would be an error. Also it appears relationships of this nature are more common than I thought.