Author of Confessions of a Sociopath interviews former soldier T-Pocket about how he alternates from boredom to moments punctuated by excitement like driving sports cars and dirt bikes. Sorry for the audio issues!
I knew he was untamed as the sea. Why wouldn't he tell me the specifics? Would that have given me too much control? Because he was aware of the culpability I would perceive? I already knew. I already knew.
He plastered his anger all over my neighbourhood for 18 months. He's gone now and it's my turn to grieve and be angry at the lost opportunity.
I know nothing will change, he wouldn't have taken a different course no matter what I said or did.
The last time I saw him, I said he was stupid. This is why. No matter what, he wouldn't look at the facts of my position to inform his. God forbid!
What rational being refuses to look at facts? This is why I laugh when sociopaths claim super-rationality. That's complete nonsense. Flattened effect =/ rationality.
I formerly used softer language here because plenty of people helped me. Now, after a certain person's performance on Discord, I'm quite happy to be perfectly frank. Not that I'm trying to upset anyone - I'm stating things as I see them. Take offence if you choose; it's not intended. I'm writing my experience as it is.
Reflections What changed for me with the stalking? I now understand what he meant by: - "I'm addicted to you" - "It's nothing against you" - "I don't want a woman in my life" These were puzzling statements he repeated many times but would never explain to me. He is obsessive and knows it and he didn't want that impacting his son - he often said he wanted to focus on his son. I couldn't understand what precluded him from both prioritising his son and being a decent human to me. Well, now I have a better understanding.
What hasn't changed? The delight I took in him and my position that he is not allowed to hurt me.
I said to him towards the end that if he doesn't want a woman in his life, he can't have me. When I gave him a birthday present, that was altogether too much "being in his life"; I presume this meant he could no longer internally maintain the lie that I wasn't in his life, this making him very cross that his values were compromised. He was very big on his values.
He told the policeman (after I reported his stalking) that he was happy with his relationship with his ex wife.
It's better that way.
As much as I adore him, it's better he lives by his own compass.
I delighted in him. I don't think sociopaths could ever understand this experience; from interacting with many of you, it seems you consider any delight I had to be purely of his manipulative design. It's nonsense but I won't try to convince you. That's a safety blanket for you; people don't exist independently for you, you control them. It seems fundamental to the sociopathic psyche, a necessary belief for the psychopathic worldview. A capstone that, if removed, entails collapse.
So believe that I was manipulated into delighting in his graceful way, his quick thinking, his musicality and tenderness, his superfluous precision, his tensionless body, the way he would always put the dishwasher on before bedtime, and always clean the shower whenever he used it.
I loved him for who he was, knowing he was untamed as the sea. That didn't change. It won't change. I relished every moment with him, knowing it wouldn't last. I loved him more than all the stars and I don't regret that; the experience of it had made me more myself.
It will take a long time for the intensity to fade away. He may have done away with it in his violent manner - with pools of blood, mock gravestones, painted targets and smashed chairs and walls.
But the pen is mightier than the sword and I will write my experience faithfully until it is finished.
After he ended things but before the stalking, I had started to grieve the loss of him.
When the stalking began, the process changed. I wanted to understand, but I was also fighting for my version of events. I refused to let him influence my personal story.
That was such an important action.
Fighting is best avoided, I think, but it's preferable to the alternative. So I fought; which pretty much amounted to a constant assertion that I had loved him. This felt to me to be an essential act of self; a refusal to be annihilated.
There are always costs to fighting, but actually I think the benefit is greater than the cost in unexpected ways. In fighting him, I built resilience and legitimacy into the part of me that had been lost before I met him.
I don't need to fight any m more because he is no longer attacking me. I'm free to grieve normally. To feel his loss, to accept he has gone and to enjoy the memories I have of time with him.
I think when we grieve properly, our experiences enrich us.
It's hard to accept he won't come back because I saw my future with him. The stalking phase was like a (protracted) breakup - an opportunity to work through our differences. He chose to leave and I accept that. I didn't choose it, wouldn't have chosen it, but if he doesn't want a relationship, it's better to not be in his life. I wish him all the best. That is, I suppose, what loving him actually means - freely letting him go. He wants freedom, he always said that.
And loving myself means acting in accordance with my own being.
Why the fuck is mens 'fashion' so fucking shit? I'm no cross dresser or trannie or whatever the laughbtqaists out there call themselves, but a woman has this spectacular spectrum of attire to choose from...revealing, raunchy, sexy, styles for any occasion, eye-catching, saliva generating outfits designed to mesmerise, figure hugging flamboyancy, cool casual gym wear which highlights every hour spent working out to accute lycra clad precision. A range of shoes that boggles the mind...make up by the stars, tutorials, hair, nails, lips, jewellery, handbags...it goes on and on and on.
But men?
Jeans, trousers or shorts. If your jeans are too tight, you're a fag, if they're too baggy you're out of date, if they're shorts, they're shorts, and your legs are too thin, too hairy or you love yourself because you go to the gym and shave them. Tshirts with or without logo depending on how much of a twat you want to look, jumpers or hoodies in the same style as the ones worn back in the 90s and before, shirts, check or plain, entirely up to you mate, short sleeves or long? Go wild pal. Make up to make your skin more attractive to potential partners? Gay. Dye your hair blue to get heads turning? Fucking homo emo. Black fingernails maybe? Clearly tried to make it as a rock star but now you're just a wannabe wanker...and your jeans are too loose you tosser. Trainers or shoes? Guess it depends if you're a teenager or want to convince yourself you're still cool and hip enough to wear Nike Airs, otherwise, it's sensible shoes for you my friend...but...but, if you own a yacht or medium to large sailing boat, you can wear these shoes without socks, crazy I know, if you don't own said boat, you look like a desperate wannabe boat owner and your jeans are probably too tight. Going to the gym geezer? See them femmes wrapped in cling film basically? Well, rules apply to you my old chum...shorts, loose ones, otherwise you're advertising your assets, which is a no go area if you're a man, this is perfectly acceptable if you're not a man of course, in fact, if you can find lycra tight enough to wedge up your twat and put your holiest entrance on display for all to see...youre very sexy and should be on Instagram. Vests are a good way of showing off your hard work to other gym goers, but be careful here as wearing a vest makes you a posing, mirror watching tosser in the gym and should only be carried out by steroid induced, sleeve tattooed, heavily tanned, beard touting Love Island types...these types will also get judged by everyone of course, but it's a given that this is a phase of men's fashion, so is accepted. Going out on a Saturday night with the boys? Looking to catch some pretty girls eye? The pretty girl in the skin tight dress, with 2 hours worth of make up disguising her? With the 100 pound hair do that is mostly fake? The girl who is 5ft 2 but parades around on 6" heels which make her fake tanned legs look incredible? The girl with the fake eye lashes? Adorned with jewellery which draws the eye to her push up bra induced cleavage? I hope you put your best shirt on my friend.
Man this place is do dead. What the hell happened here? I have to say this white background business really sucks. I guess ME is just doing some weird stuff. She seems hot though. Are many people here having sex with her? I'm so jealous to be honest.
Anyway, here is the Foo Fighters version of Andy Gibb's Shadow Dancing
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@sociopathicprob is an interesting account to follow. I like to ponder the circumstances the might precipitate each tweet.
ReplyDeleteSociopaths are often very succinct and clear. Definitive. It takes others longer to work through the nuances of feeling, I suspect.
I knew he was untamed as the sea. Why wouldn't he tell me the specifics? Would that have given me too much control? Because he was aware of the culpability I would perceive? I already knew. I already knew.
ReplyDeleteHe plastered his anger all over my neighbourhood for 18 months. He's gone now and it's my turn to grieve and be angry at the lost opportunity.
I know nothing will change, he wouldn't have taken a different course no matter what I said or did.
The last time I saw him, I said he was stupid. This is why. No matter what, he wouldn't look at the facts of my position to inform his. God forbid!
What rational being refuses to look at facts? This is why I laugh when sociopaths claim super-rationality. That's complete nonsense. Flattened effect =/ rationality.
I formerly used softer language here because plenty of people helped me. Now, after a certain person's performance on Discord, I'm quite happy to be perfectly frank. Not that I'm trying to upset anyone - I'm stating things as I see them. Take offence if you choose; it's not intended. I'm writing my experience as it is.
Reflections
DeleteWhat changed for me with the stalking? I now understand what he meant by:
- "I'm addicted to you"
- "It's nothing against you"
- "I don't want a woman in my life"
These were puzzling statements he repeated many times but would never explain to me. He is obsessive and knows it and he didn't want that impacting his son - he often said he wanted to focus on his son. I couldn't understand what precluded him from both prioritising his son and being a decent human to me. Well, now I have a better understanding.
What hasn't changed? The delight I took in him and my position that he is not allowed to hurt me.
I said to him towards the end that if he doesn't want a woman in his life, he can't have me. When I gave him a birthday present, that was altogether too much "being in his life"; I presume this meant he could no longer internally maintain the lie that I wasn't in his life, this making him very cross that his values were compromised. He was very big on his values.
He told the policeman (after I reported his stalking) that he was happy with his relationship with his ex wife.
It's better that way.
As much as I adore him, it's better he lives by his own compass.
I delighted in him. I don't think sociopaths could ever understand this experience; from interacting with many of you, it seems you consider any delight I had to be purely of his manipulative design. It's nonsense but I won't try to convince you. That's a safety blanket for you; people don't exist independently for you, you control them. It seems fundamental to the sociopathic psyche, a necessary belief for the psychopathic worldview. A capstone that, if removed, entails collapse.
So believe that I was manipulated into delighting in his graceful way, his quick thinking, his musicality and tenderness, his superfluous precision, his tensionless body, the way he would always put the dishwasher on before bedtime, and always clean the shower whenever he used it.
I loved him for who he was, knowing he was untamed as the sea. That didn't change. It won't change. I relished every moment with him, knowing it wouldn't last. I loved him more than all the stars and I don't regret that; the experience of it had made me more myself.
It will take a long time for the intensity to fade away. He may have done away with it in his violent manner - with pools of blood, mock gravestones, painted targets and smashed chairs and walls.
But the pen is mightier than the sword and I will write my experience faithfully until it is finished.
After he ended things but before the stalking, I had started to grieve the loss of him.
DeleteWhen the stalking began, the process changed. I wanted to understand, but I was also fighting for my version of events. I refused to let him influence my personal story.
That was such an important action.
Fighting is best avoided, I think, but it's preferable to the alternative. So I fought; which pretty much amounted to a constant assertion that I had loved him. This felt to me to be an essential act of self; a refusal to be annihilated.
There are always costs to fighting, but actually I think the benefit is greater than the cost in unexpected ways. In fighting him, I built resilience and legitimacy into the part of me that had been lost before I met him.
I don't need to fight any m more because he is no longer attacking me. I'm free to grieve normally. To feel his loss, to accept he has gone and to enjoy the memories I have of time with him.
I think when we grieve properly, our experiences enrich us.
It's hard to accept he won't come back because I saw my future with him. The stalking phase was like a (protracted) breakup - an opportunity to work through our differences. He chose to leave and I accept that. I didn't choose it, wouldn't have chosen it, but if he doesn't want a relationship, it's better to not be in his life. I wish him all the best. That is, I suppose, what loving him actually means - freely letting him go. He wants freedom, he always said that.
And loving myself means acting in accordance with my own being.
Nice North
DeleteWhy the fuck is mens 'fashion' so fucking shit?
DeleteI'm no cross dresser or trannie or whatever the laughbtqaists out there call themselves, but a woman has this spectacular spectrum of attire to choose from...revealing, raunchy, sexy, styles for any occasion, eye-catching, saliva generating outfits designed to mesmerise, figure hugging flamboyancy, cool casual gym wear which highlights every hour spent working out to accute lycra clad precision.
A range of shoes that boggles the mind...make up by the stars, tutorials, hair, nails, lips, jewellery, handbags...it goes on and on and on.
But men?
Jeans, trousers or shorts.
If your jeans are too tight, you're a fag, if they're too baggy you're out of date, if they're shorts, they're shorts, and your legs are too thin, too hairy or you love yourself because you go to the gym and shave them.
Tshirts with or without logo depending on how much of a twat you want to look, jumpers or hoodies in the same style as the ones worn back in the 90s and before, shirts, check or plain, entirely up to you mate, short sleeves or long? Go wild pal.
Make up to make your skin more attractive to potential partners? Gay. Dye your hair blue to get heads turning? Fucking homo emo. Black fingernails maybe? Clearly tried to make it as a rock star but now you're just a wannabe wanker...and your jeans are too loose you tosser.
Trainers or shoes? Guess it depends if you're a teenager or want to convince yourself you're still cool and hip enough to wear Nike Airs, otherwise, it's sensible shoes for you my friend...but...but, if you own a yacht or medium to large sailing boat, you can wear these shoes without socks, crazy I know, if you don't own said boat, you look like a desperate wannabe boat owner and your jeans are probably too tight.
Going to the gym geezer? See them femmes wrapped in cling film basically? Well, rules apply to you my old chum...shorts, loose ones, otherwise you're advertising your assets, which is a no go area if you're a man, this is perfectly acceptable if you're not a man of course, in fact, if you can find lycra tight enough to wedge up your twat and put your holiest entrance on display for all to see...youre very sexy and should be on Instagram. Vests are a good way of showing off your hard work to other gym goers, but be careful here as wearing a vest makes you a posing, mirror watching tosser in the gym and should only be carried out by steroid induced, sleeve tattooed, heavily tanned, beard touting Love Island types...these types will also get judged by everyone of course, but it's a given that this is a phase of men's fashion, so is accepted.
Going out on a Saturday night with the boys? Looking to catch some pretty girls eye? The pretty girl in the skin tight dress, with 2 hours worth of make up disguising her? With the 100 pound hair do that is mostly fake? The girl who is 5ft 2 but parades around on 6" heels which make her fake tanned legs look incredible? The girl with the fake eye lashes? Adorned with jewellery which draws the eye to her push up bra induced cleavage?
I hope you put your best shirt on my friend.
ReplyDeleteHey publisher, really impressed with this content.
Swaraj 735
Any OGs around?
ReplyDeletetry the discord server
DeleteMonica? You around?
DeleteMan this place is do dead. What the hell happened here? I have to say this white background business really sucks. I guess ME is just doing some weird stuff. She seems hot though. Are many people here having sex with her? I'm so jealous to be honest.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, here is the Foo Fighters version of Andy Gibb's
Shadow Dancing
little aspie
What the fuck happened here?
ReplyDeleteMind blowing blog man. I am really impressed with this one
ReplyDeletethank for sharing